Wedding Planner Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience

I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian. People tell me I've got the toughest job in town

but I'm sure I'd find other things far more difficult.

I'm ditching my regular job and trying something different. This is my Work Experience.

This programme contains some strong language.

And this week, I'm a wedding planner.

So I'm going to be a wedding planner.

Two things worry me about that. One is the wedding. Two, the planning.

Because I couldn't really give a toss about weddings.

'I ushered myself over to a wedding planning school in Swansea.

'Samantha and Amber knew more about getting hitched than Simon Cowell's trousers.'

My job is to train wedding planners,

so they don't ruin the most important day of somebody else's life.

I'm just not a weddingy person. I just don't care.

I'm one of those people who goes, "20 grand on a wedding?!

"You could buy a car for that!"

-Sounds like there's a lot of work to be done.

-Yeah.

Because really the number one thing is that you instil confidence in your bride.

She's been thinking about this since she was probably about five.

If you mess this up,

that girl that lives in all women is going to be a very sad little girl.

'I'd never been a five-year-old girl and like a man who's just

'eaten 48 bananas, I was still finding it hard to give a shit.

'Wedding bot Amber was worried.'

In order for a bride to like you, it's important that you don't

do or say anything that's going to upset your relationship.

Try not to ask them about previous relationships, ex-partners...

Try not to bring up the bride's weight.

I can think of a lot of inappropriate things to say to a bride and groom in my first meeting.

Please, please don't!

'But the more wedding bot told me about the role, the less seriously I was taking it.'

It might be things like helping her to use the toilet while she's got her enormous dress on.

I've unravelled a few thongs in my time.

What, during the wedding, they've gone to the toilet on their wedding day and you,

as a wedding planner, your job extends to unravelling their thong while they go to the toilet?

-Yes. Not very often, I'm pleased to say.

-It's pretty hands on!

-That comes back to trust again.

-What about with the groom?

-Have you ever had to go in and...?

-I'm not sure you're taking this seriously!

'I just couldn't get my head round it. In an effort to help me focus, Samantha showed me her box.'

This is my big pink box. Everyone always thinks,

-"Oh, the wedding planner and her big pink box."

-Do they?

-They do.

I never thought, "Oh, the wedding planner and her big pink box."

-I've never had that thought.

-I turn up, people think, "It's the wedding planner."

-And her big pink box.

It's a big pink box.

'Samantha's box wasn't helping me get serious.

'especially as she reeled off its contents like a post-apocalyptic Generation Game.'

Sticky rolly. Insect repellent. Foot spray.

-Matches and lighters. Tit tape.

-Tit tape?

-Tit tape.

-Diarrhoea relief.

-Tablets for flu, tablets for indigestion. Plant food.

How urgently is a plant going to need feeding at a wedding?

-Do you think you can put one of these together?

-No.

You're going to have to.

'Nothing had worked so far, but the wedding bot thought some role-play with an actor might help me

'take it more seriously. She'd dreamt up a nightmare scenario.'

The cake has arrived, but it's the wrong cake.

-And you have to deal with the situation.

-OK.

This is the cake.

-It's nothing like the cake!

-It's not even like the cake.

It must be something like it - it's cake.

It's being paid for by Samantha's grandmother as her wedding present for her.

What if I just smash the shit out of it and we tell everyone it's Eton Mess?

Just make this end!

'The wedding bot wasn't happy with my progress, but I switched her off and on again and she was fine.

'She agreed to let me plan a real wedding.'

So that's all your wedding planner school course finished today.

I'm going to leave you in Samantha's very capable hands.

As a professional wedding planner, she's going to take you to the next step.

I'm going to be introducing you to a couple who are willing to let

you take on the planning and coordination of their wedding day.

What's wrong with them?! Why would you do that?!

They've put a lot of trust into you.

-I know you won't let me down.

-I won't.

-Or your new couple.

-Or them. Or myself.

HE LAUGHS

I'm here in Miskin, near Cardiff, to meet the couple.

A foolish couple who've agreed to let me plan their wedding.

I don't know anything about them.

I don't know what they've got in mind for their wedding, but I know how much is riding on this.

'I'd be Samantha's reluctant apprentice.

'She was waiting to brief me before I met the freaks who'd agreed to let me plan their wedding.'

-Sarah and Gareth are the bride and groom.

-Sarah and Gareth.

-Yes.

-And they're through there.

-And they're through there, with Sarah's sister, Emma,

and Sarah's mum and dad, Marilyn and Craig.

And your job today is to sit down with them all, make them

feel relaxed and they need to walk away today feeling that they

can trust you to deliver their wedding day exactly to plan.

'I was nervous. The closest I've come to giving anyone a day to remember is

'giving them three minutes they'd rather forget.'

-Hello.

-This is Sarah, the bride.

-Hello, Sarah, the bride.

-Nice to meet you.

-This is Gareth, the groom.

-Hello, Gareth, the groom.

Hello.

-Hello, Marilyn.

-Rhod.

-Craig.

-How do.

'I had an hour or two to bond with these strangers and convince them I was up to the task.

'So like a thong in a bride's backside, I had to get stuck in.'

I've got try and get to know you now.

I've got to be your best friend.

-Have you already got a best friend?

-Yes.

-Who is it?

-Emma.

-Emma, you're off the books.

-LAUGHTER

-I'm the new best friend. First time married?

-Yes.

-They told me not to ask that.

-LAUGHTER

They said, specifically, don't ask that, but I'm just too curious.

How will the MOB...? Oh, mother of the bride, sorry.

How will the MOB travel to the ceremony?

-What have I got myself into?

-LAUGHTER

Theme. Colour scheme.

-Blue. Royal blue.

-Royal blue colour scheme.

-But the theme is Movies.

We'd kind of like some props there, giant Oscars maybe. Things like that.

-Directors' chairs.

-That kind of thing.

-Yeah, for the top table.

How long is the bar free till?

As you can tell from my accent, it's not!

LAUGHTER

So you're outside having your photos and you're there going,

-"That's £1.40, please."

-LAUGHTER

-'They're really nice.'

-'They are lovely, aren't they?'

Even though weddings, I don't really give a shit, I'm not bothered,

blah blah blah, for them, I really, really care.

You've met Gareth and Sarah and you've got to know them.

-And that's now who you care about.

-It's their special day!

They're lovely. You just want to love them.

-And I'm Sarah's new best friend!

-Are you seriously her best friend?

-Yeah, yeah! I'd better text her.

-You should do.

-It's been too long.

'Boom! Meeting them had made me take it seriously,

'but I still knew sod all about weddings and needed to swot up.

'The smell of icing sugar and diminishing freedom took me

'to a wedding fair near Carmarthen.' This is where it starts to get real.

I don't think I've ever felt quite as out of place in my life.

'I knew less about perfect romantic environments than Ross Kemp's

'toilet brush, but with the MOB and family on their way to meet me, I had to learn fast.'

-How much would something like this cost?

-£495.

£495?!

-Yes.

-For a cake?!

-It's about a week's worth!

-If you go round ASDA at the right time,

you'll get it for about three quid!

I've been told if the bride's thong got stuck up there,

then it would be my job to go under there and get it.

It depends. If you're happy to do that kind of thing...?

I'm happy to do that kind of thing!

Give me a practice go. Right? So the thong is stuck up there. Wow!

How do you get past all this stuff?

-How do you get past...?

-Straight under.

-Oh, yeah! I'm under, I'm in!

And...twang! It's out.

'I was getting a cheeky glimpse of the more positive sides of the job when the family arrived.'

Thanks for coming down. We're going to see what you like, what you don't like,

-see what ideas I've got and we'll just...put the whole thing together.

-Great.

-Brilliant.

'I was learning, but now I needed to start acting like their

'wedding planner and find things for their Hollywood theme.'

If you don't want a chocolate fountain, you don't have to.

-He doesn't want a chocolate fountain.

-Do you want one?

-If it's no from Gareth, it's no from me.

-If it's no from Gareth, it's no from you.

-Yes.

-I'm guessing that's largely not true.

SHE LAUGHS

It's not for everybody. It's the wow factor, it is a big wow factor.

We put wedding rings into a little pouch, she'll fly down the aisle, land on the glove, take the bag off

and she'll fly away and let you get on with the ceremony.

I'm sorry, that just sounds fucking mental.

Why don't you just release a load of elephants and rhinos

-and stuff in the reception as well.

-I've got a vulture.

-A vulture?!

Nothing looks nicer at the front of a wedding than the bride and groom and a vulture next to them!

'I was Sarah's new best friend and she confided in me that she

'wanted to surprise her groom with a cake.'

Separate to a wedding cake, it's something just for the groom.

Just for Gareth, really. So it's supposed to describe his interests, what he is about really.

-Have you had any thoughts about what that might be, what it might look like?

-Anything.

I was thinking as extravagant as possible. He loves golf.

So I thought we could do a golf kind of cake.

'My job was getting more complicated.

'Sarah expected me to just pull a groom's cake out of my arse

'and now Craig and the MOB wanted extras too.'

We want to do something different for her.

-Some kind of surprise thing!

-That's right.

-Yes.

But we're struggling to think of something that fits.

'Sarah wanted to surprise Gareth, Craig and the MOB wanted to surprise Sarah.

'I'd have to be Cilla Ruddy Black to pull this off!

'Gareth pitched in with a surprise fact about Sarah and surprises.'

Does Sarah like surprises? Is she good with them?

She's not generally good with them.

I think her uni friend surprised her to go to Dublin

and she basically broke down because it was happening very quick and she wasn't in control.

-She had a nervous breakdown?

-Basically, yeah!

'Sarah was a surprise-a-crite. She was happy enough dishing them out,

'but she couldn't hack surprises herself. Craig and the MOB had stitched me right up.'

You want to surprise her, but she doesn't like surprises.

It's her day. This is the way she wants it to be.

We just need to make sure it's being executed to that plan.

We don't want to upset her on the day.

-I will see it as a failure on my part if she has a nervous breakdown.

-So will we!

The pressure's on. I've got lots to do.

There's things I've started to think about that work

within their theme, but that don't upset her - that's the key.

She doesn't like surprises.

'Samantha and I had spread the workload. As her apprentice, my job was to grab their Hollywood

'theme by the nuptials and run with it.

'I had to organise surprises, but without committing bridal surprise-acide.

'First up, the music they wanted for the reception.'

'Welcome to the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

'Please leave a message after the tone.'

Oh, hi. I'm trying to book a small orchestra to perform at a wedding.

'The Philharmonic didn't want my gig, but I wasn't about to give up.

'I had an idea to get a Hollywood star along on the day and luckily, I'm so well connected,

'I know people who know people who know people in showbiz.'

I know that you know Chris O'Dowd and I know that he's one of their favourites

and he was in Bridesmaids, which is one of the tables they've themed.

'Oh, right. OK. Well, I can ask him.'

-Do you think he'll do it?

-'I'm not sure where he is at the moment.

'I'm not sure if he's here or in the States.'

'I was getting nowhere. I'd been rushing round like a headless wedding owl

'all morning and I still didn't have anything concrete. Maybe I'd have more luck with sponge.'

She designed the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Cake.

So if it's good enough for the Queen, then it's good enough for my little princess.

'But would Royal Spongebob Jackie make my extravagant groom's cake at very short notice?'

She wants to surprise the groom and she wants it to make a real impact.

-It's in a room of 100 people.

-OK.

-So...over to you. We want "wow"!

Golfing Oscar statue? Golf bag?

-A full size golf club bag. That's what I was thinking.

-Put it on a trolley, put it on a golf trolley.

-Golf clubs sticking out of the top?

-Definitely!

-Definitely.

And if we can do it really well, hopefully,

Gareth would believe that this is his set of golf clubs.

He got on to the fairway and hit a ball so badly,

the club fell apart in his hands! "This is a cake!"

-Very doable.

-By a week Saturday?

-Er...yes. Still...doable.

-OK.

'I had no idea if Sponge Jackie Whitepants could deliver and I was starting to worry my Hollywood theme

'would just be me holding up a picture of Tom Cruise.

'While hunting round for an American wedding car, I got a surprise. And it was a ruddy good one.'

That's amazing!

That's awesome!

Chris O'Dowd is in!

'I was up and running. I'd gone from not giving a toss about weddings to being

'Wales's premier wedding bot. I was so excited, I decided to take things up a gear

'and start my own wedding planning business. Give A Shit Weddings was born.'

So something fancy and wedding plannery.

Brand is all-important.

I'd like to see "because we care" as well. I think that was the strap line I had in mind.

-That's good.

-Nobody can say I don't care.

I'm now fully involved in this. Up to my neck.

Do you want to try reversing that out of a pink?

That is lovely. Thanks very much.

-OK, cheers.

-Give A Shit Weddings.

THEY LAUGH

I don't want to get carried away!

'The wedding is tomorrow and everything needs to come together today.'

It has to be great because it's Gareth and Sarah's...big day.

As much as for me, it's a TV show and it's a Work Experience series, it really is their wedding.

'With 24 hours to go, I was bucks fizzing with excitement.

'But so far, my Hollywood theme consisted of a possible appearance from Chris O'Dowd. I needed more.'

I'm looking for big, bold, Hollywood,

things that make an impact.

But I've got to get the line right between classy and tacky.

And that's where Samantha's going to come in.

-'What's in front of you?'

-What's in front of me?

-'Yeah.'

-Well, a six foot zebra in a headdress.

-'Yeah, tacky!'

-OK. A two foot elephant in a headdress.

-'Probably not either.'

There's a penis wrapped in an American flag,

putting ketchup on its head. Oh, it's a hotdog! I just realised.

-What about a shark's head?

-'That's bordering too much on tacky.'

-A life-size pirate with a hook.

-'No!

-'We'll keep in touch. Let me know how you get on.'

-Will do. OK.

I'm getting pretty desperate now.

I'm looking for anything that might say... Finding Nemo?

Plastic bunting. Chunky-style bunting.

Who'd have thought there were so many different kinds of bunting? Nice bunting.

"Nice bunting!" That sounds more like a sleazy compliment.

I think people will enjoy a few... Ow!

Not having that. That's lethal. Argh!

A beaver who's had his entire face removed.

Nice bunting.

'I'd drawn a bit of a blank on classy props to fit the theme.

'Maybe I'm watching the wrong movies, but a penis in a bun

'and a faceless beaver don't really shout "classy" or "Hollywood."

'But with a new employee, things would surely get easier?'

This is my PA.

Ralph.

He's causing quite a bit of trouble on his first day at work.

I'm going to have to let him go.

Right, we've put Ralph on a crash diet. I think he should fit now.

Welcome to Give A Shit Weddings. "Thank you very much."

Ralph gave the company a real lift.

He was as eager as a faceless beaver and straight away,

he had a brainwave - if we couldn't find classy Hollywood props,

Give A Shit Weddings would go the extra mile and make them.

Oh!

Just to keep you updated, I'm running a little behind,

but that's because I'm making, from scratch,

a three-foot Oscar statue made of ice.

'Are you sure you should be making that?'

I think you're going to be quite surprised and impressed.

If you don't like that idea so much, there's other things we can do here.

They've got a naked torso with an erect phallus.

You can pour vodka in the top

and people can drink vodka out of his penis.

'That would kind of border on tacky and completely...'

I wasn't sure.

It's a maybe to the Oscar ice statue

and it's a definite no-no to the drinking vodka knob, yeah?

-'Yeah, a definite a no.'

-Roger.

We were knackered, but the day had been really productive

and it wasn't over yet.

It's the last stop for the day, it's ten to nine.

Gareth and Sarah wanted the 20th Century Fox music

on a little CD player or a little ghetto blaster

in the corner of the room as they enter the reception.

I've got something else planned.

I'm going to proper pimp their Fox.

This would be the world's shortest gig -

stuff the London Philharmonic, meet the Tongwynlais Temperance Band.

THEY PLAY 20TH CENTURY FOX THEME

-HE MOUTHS:

-Very good.

Oh, man! I've got the little hairs up on the back of my neck.

That is going to be brilliant. I'm not even getting married and I'm excited.

The day of the wedding,

and Ralph had thrown a sickie, so I had my work cut out.

I was desperate for this to go perfectly,

and raced to Miskin Manor to prepare the reception.

My big pink box would finally get to rub corners with Samantha's.

At the moment it's pretty bare

-apart from ghoulish animal faces staring at us.

-Yeah!

It reminds me of Craig, the same way as he looks at you. Have you noticed, Craig, father of the bride?

He looks at you all friendly and smiles and a little wink, but it's undercut with sinister.

If anything goes wrong he'll break my legs.

Yeah, he probably will if something goes wrong, yeah.

Straightaway, I'd hit a snag.

I'd managed to find the giant movie props Sarah and Gareth wanted,

but the ruddy things were flat-pack and I am to DIY

what a pair of chopsticks is to landscape gardening.

Will that do? That doesn't say Spielberg to me, no.

CRASHING

'That would have to do for now.

'I had more pressing stuff to give a shit about because over at

'Miskin village church, the vicar was already limbering up.

'If all's going well around now they should be saying their I dos,

'I wills, I promise and yes sir, no sir, three bags full, missus,

'and I'm hoping that's what's happening.'

Of course, you never know.

Maybe there's been some drama at the church and it's all gone breasts up.

The hotel staff, Samantha and I

rushed to get the wedding food place ready.

This was where Give A Shit Weddings really excelled -

those little details that make such a difference.

-Are you trying to send me crazy?

-Rob Jones sitting next to Sarah Baker.

Possibly two single ones there. Oh, no, Lucy Jones.

Unlucky, Rob, the wife's with you.

'All the surprises I'd organised needed finalising.

'There was still a mountain to climb,

-'so I set off while Samantha held the ladder.'

-'Hi, how are you?'

I'm all right, thanks, I'm up a ladder.

'What are you doing up a ladder?'

Well, I'm trying to reach something that was taller than me.

What do most people do up a ladder?

Remember that you are a secret,

so make every effort not to look like a brass band

arriving for a surprise gig.

'As well as all the donkey work,

'as MD of the company I was having to make crucial decisions on the fly.'

Just to confirm the ice sculpture arrival today?

'Yeah, OK, yeah. Did you want me to keep it as it is?

'Because you did mention putting a knob on it.'

How long does it take to pop a knob on him?

'It shouldn't take very long, but you will lose the Y-fronts then.'

Is your professional recommendation to stick with the Y-fronts

rather than upgrade to the willy?

'From an aesthetic point of view, I'd come down on the Y-fronts.

-'You can get back to me, all right?'

-Executive decision, we go Y-fronts.

'The room was ready, but if the MOB saw me looking like this,

'she'd have me whacked.

'Suit on, I rushed out to greet the guests.'

It is now 1.30 and my bride and groom should now be married.

I'm expecting them any moment, hopefully in a beautiful,

shiny Buick that came as a complete surprise.

'Half an hour later, we were still waiting.

'I was worried my surprise Hollywood car had either

'broken down or caused Sarah to.'

The possibility is that she's seen the Buick and had such a freak out.

She could be standing outside that church now, mascara down her front,

dress torn to shreds, looking like Robinson Crusoe.

-Complete nervous breakdown, because we've surprised with a Buick.

-Possibly.

That is when wedding planning goes wrong.

'The delayed wedding party was having knock-on effects.'

The whole band is supposed to be arriving at two o'clock

so we might have a little bit of a problem here.

'Right NOT on cue, the band arrived.

'I bundled them out of sight just in time - my surprise trumpets

'were almost blown because seconds later, Craig and the MOB rolled up.'

There they are.

-How was it?

-Oh, brilliant.

-Was it?

-Completely brilliant, yes.

-You're all smiling, that's a good sign.

-Yes, yes.

-All good?

-Very, very good.

-So far?

-Yes.

-Lovely.

-Hello!

-Hiya.

-The Buick, was it all right, all right?

-Brilliant.

-Is it all right?

-Brilliant, absolutely.

-They came out and it was...

-It hasn't broke down, has it?

We have been wondering where the hell it is?

They've gone off for some photos with it.

'It was a big relief.

'Apparently Sarah had taken my first surprise in her stride.

'Hopefully there'd be no dirty protests on the backseat.

'One surprise down, but loads to go.'

That is very, very cool.

-There they are, Mr and Mrs Griffiths, welcome.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-Welcome to Miskin Manor. How was it?

-Good.

-Good, yeah.

-Good?!

-Brilliant!

SHE LAUGHS

-What do you think of the car?

-It was great.

-Amazing.

-Lovely surprise.

-You don't like surprises.

-Was it all right?

-It was a good surprise.

-It was a good surprise.

'The band had been hiding in Craig's moustache,

'but it was time to bring them out and usher in the happy couple.

'Again, I was nervous. Either the bride would be beside herself

'or I'd be done for bridicide.'

That's the reaction we were looking for.

There was an, "Oh, my God" when the tuba came in, that's what I'm after.

Everyone, you're all good, you're all in? OK, we're going to do it.

-This is it.

-Yes.

-This is it. How are you feeling?

-Good.

-Good?

-Yeah, feeling good.

-Brilliant. Just don't trip up now.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please all be upstanding

for the bride and groom, Mr and Mrs Griffiths!

APPLAUSE

BAND PLAYS 20TH CENTURY FOX THEME

Oh, I had genuine little hairs up on the back of my neck.

I had a genuine little tingle there, hey? A little trouser flutter.

Oh, yes!

'The speeches were under way.

'Every surprise that didn't kill Sarah made me stronger.

'I was possessed, obsessed with her and Gareth's happiness,

'so while Craig read out an itemised drinks bill,

'I snuck off to prepare the groom's cake.'

You are so kind, considerate, you would do anything for anyone,

and these are the reasons why I love you.

Gareth has said on numerous occasions that I can have what

I want for this wedding.

But I wanted Gareth to have something that was his

and to have a part of the wedding just for him.

Without further ado,

I would like to present to you, your very own groom's cake.

Just a quick note about it, when Sarah told me

she wanted to make a cake for Gareth, I was very lucky -

I managed to get hold of the lady who made

the Queen's Diamond Jubilee cake.

Unfortunately she wasn't available...

LAUGHTER

So I've made...

-Was this made by you, Rhod?

-That was made by me.

It's golf themed, it's got the word "golf" written on the top.

It's upside down, Sarah, it's upside down!

She WAS available and managed to knock up this little beauty.

This is a chocolate cake...

'Sarah had wanted Gareth's groom's cake to make an impact.

'Sponge Jackie's remarkable effort had twatted them

'300 yards down the fairway.'

That cake went really, really well. I'm really happy with that.

That was awesome, I got a proper little buzz

and I cried in the speeches.

'So far, so good.

'But the surprise was the big one,

'would Craig and Sarah feel I'd gone too far?

'If Sarah had a nervous breakdown. Craig would break my legs.

'I was having kittens.

'We were one surprise away from calling two ambulances and a vet.'

Someone who very much wanted to be here today

that wasn't able to come has left a little message.

'Hi, Sarah. Chris O'Dowd, here.

'I hear that you got married.

'You did say that you'd wait for me

'but I guess you found Gareth and just decided to get on with it,

'which is fine.

'Congratulations, guys. Have a wonderful day.

'I hope that Rhod doesn't ruin it too much.

'And hey, good luck tonight in the, you know...'

'I breathed a huge sigh of relief as each little plan went down well.

'Samantha and I left the wedding party to enjoy themselves

'and went to greet my home-made ice surprise.'

So this is the one you did by yourself, is it?

My Rhod Gilbert axe-grinder hands. But I'd very, very little time.

I'm just getting my retaliation in first.

Maybe I want this door to close on it.

-Ta-da!

-Wow.

-Why is he wearing Y-fronts?

-I just thought I'd Welsh him up a bit.

Do you think I've crossed the line into tacky?

I think you've done such a good job of everything else, we allow this.

Brilliant.

'The room for the evening do was almost ready -

'the Ice Academy's professional Oscar keeping mine company,

'but the perverts hadn't put any pants on him.

'I was about to ask Sarah if he could borrow her thong

'when Craig popped in.'

Me and Marilyn have just been having a cup of tea and, well,

could we think of anything we could do any better? And the answer is no.

-We're well chuffed.

-High five! Oh, that is praise indeed.

It's all gone brilliantly.

"So far," he says, pointedly.

-The night is young.

-It could all still collapse.

-It could go wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, the evening do is now open!

CHEERING

Come on in, come on in, sir. I knew you'd be first in. There you go.

'I kick-started the evening do and I'm not sure

'whether it was my home-made Y-fronts that spooked her,

'but just as the guests were pouring into witness the first dance,

'my bride vanished.

'I decided to see what was going on.'

She's just having a wee in the dress.

She's having a wee in the dress?

It's not a good idea to come in right this second.

-Just give us two minutes.

-When you say she's having a wee in the dress?

I may just pop out the door for a moment.

Sarah's currently on the toilet

with two bridesmaids either side are holding the dress up

and I'm looking very pretty next to her.

I was told I'd be involved in this! I was promised a role in this!

I learnt this in wedding planner school.

I'm fine, honestly. I'm accredited.

I've had my CBT check.

-You've missed the toilet stop.

-Have I?

-Yeah.

-I was promised! I was promised!

-We told you it happens, didn't we?

You promised me a go at the back of your dress.

You guaranteed me a go.

That's the only reason I got involved in this whole project.

Seriously, the crowd is...they're losing patience down there.

'Thong-gone Phooey was too late.

'With Sarah's thong lifted up where it belonged,

'I had one final thing to do.'

Are you ready for the moment you've all been waiting for?

Possibly not their first ever dance,

but certainly their first as husband and wife.

It is, ladies and gentlemen, the first dance for Gareth and Sarah.

SONG: "Beyond The Sea"

'As Sarah and Gareth took to the floor, the wedding bots faded away.

'Any wardrobe malfunctions from now on,

'Gareth and Sarah were on their own.'

# Somewhere waiting for me... #

You must be pretty chuffed with that.

I'm pretty pleased with how it went. Are you pleased with how that went?

I'm pleased because they're pleased.

I'm pleased because Gareth's pleased and Sarah particularly pleased

and Craig and Marilyn are pleased and I can see that that's what your job is about,

that's where your reward is. When other people are pleased, you're pleased.

That's the best bit. When they were doing that slow dance at the end,

the smile on their faces, it was because of you.

-I'd a little tear.

-Did you have a little tear?

-I did.

-Did you give a shit?

-I give that much of a shit.

You gave that much of a shit. It's Hollywood. Come on, then.

I know what you're thinking -

there go the wedding planners and their big, pink boxes.

# Save yourself if you can

# Oh, my, help me again

# I tried to tell you Watch out... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd