Fisherman Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience

I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian.

People say I've got the toughest job in town,

but I'm sure I'd find other things far more difficult,

so I'm ditching my regular job

and trying something completely different.

This is my Work Experience.

And this week I'm a fisherman.

In a few days' time I'd be going out to sea as a commercial trawlerman

from the pretty Devon port of Brixham,

but before I was allowed to dip a toe in the water,

I had to go along to Milford Haven Leisure Centre

and I was already worried.

'Any job where you have to do a mandatory survival course

'sets my alarm bells ringing.

'Course tutor Greg had spent more time at sea than the Mary Rose

'and knew more about staying alive than the Bee Gees.'

OK, Rhod, what fishing experience do you have to date?

-Rock pooling.

-Rock pooling. And familiarity with boats?

-What is your experience with boats?

-Car ferry.

'You could fit everything I knew about sea fishing on a clam's wang,

'but Captain Gregseye immediately put me at ease.'

The death rate in the industry is horrendous.

If you did a full career in the commercial fishing industry,

you've got a 1 in 14 chance of drowning at sea.

1 in 14 chance of drowning?

Correct. So you've decided to do the most dangerous job in the UK.

'I wondered whether Captain Gregseye's dinner-party banter

'needed a bit of work.'

OK, what we're going to talk about now

is the things that are going to kill you.

'A cross between Popeye and Nostradamus,

'Greg was a right old Popadamus

'and his chirpy death presentation was giving me a real lift.'

Rhod, the biggest killer in the industry is cold-water shock.

If you suddenly fall into cold water when you're not expecting it,

your brain becomes disconnected from your nervous system,

you lose the ability to hold your breath, you lose the ability to swim.

You're buggered, you're going to drown

and there's nothing you can do about it.

'Popadamus's fun-packed course got even grimmer.

'Apparently my boat could sink

'and I'd find myself all alone in a life raft.

'Luckily, he had everything I'd need

'to make my survival cruise more memorable.

'It was like a North Korean party bag with survival canapes.'

Well, you call it food.

I would stick legs on it and use it as a very small table.

-'Walkie-talkies.'

-Who are you going to talk to?

-My agent.

-They won't get you out there.

-'A little tub.'

To remove any excess water from the life raft

-and also for collecting any liquids.

-Or solids?

And I suppose solids as well, yeah.

-Bucket and chuck it.

-Bucket and chuck it.

Seems odd, when you're in a survival situation on a life raft,

to have catchphrases.

'It even had a little thing

'to stop the boat that saved you from the sinking boat from sinking.'

-Just bung that in a hole in the raft.

-Exactly.

And then there is a full-size puncture repair kit with glue

and everything else, but you need to have a dry area to do that.

Is that quite hard when you are in the middle of the sea?

Yes, very hard.

The next thing we'll look at,

which is probably of great interest to you...

-Those.

-Suicide pills.

-Not quite.

Seasick tablets.

I've never set foot on a boat in my life without being seasick.

Get involved with the fishing and you might not be seasick.

-If I'm really sick, will they turn back?

-No.

Even if I'm throwing up everything I've got in me

and I'm like a little evaporating leaf?

It ain't going to happen.

Bastards!

'I get seasick listening to Bryan Ferry,

'so this was really bad news, but there was no time to dwell on it.'

OK, so here we have a survival suit.

You have to be able to put this on together with a lifejacket

in less than two minutes.

Go.

I think I'm going to take my shoes off for this.

'If I was going to be allowed out to sea, I had to pass

'the practical elements of Popadamus's survival extravaganza.'

Get the hood on.

One minute.

How are you supposed to do anything with this?

Minute and a half.

You've got 30 seconds left, come on.

Yeah, good, well done.

And that extends your survival time.

Inside there, you would maybe last a week

in sea temperatures we've got now.

-I don't want to spend a week in this, though.

-Do you want to live?

I want to live, but it's quality of life as well.

'I hoped I'd never have to use that living Portaloo for real,

'but I'd passed the first stage of the course.

'As we moved to the pool for the final tests,

'I could tell Popadamus was going to push me to my limit.'

You're going to make an entry into the water.

Hold the jacket down, pinch your nose

to stop the water going up your nose and into your head.

For similar reasons,

you don't want cold water entering any other holes in your body,

so when you're stepping off, clench your cheeks.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about!

-Have you got one of those little black screw-in...?

-OK, off you go.

'My heart was pounding like a coked-up hamster.'

-OK, you set?

-'Deep breaths, deep breaths,

'don't look down, don't look down.'

In you go.

'Popadamus was determined to make me fail.

'He had already thrown me in at the deep end,

'but there was more deep and end to come.'

Hopefully this is all you will ever see of a life raft,

the outside canister.

'I'd proved I could abandon ship, provided it was one foot tall

'and by a heated summing pool.

'For my final test,

'I had to leap from the side and climb into a life raft.'

In this instance, I'm your captain.

You wait until I tell you to abandon ship.

I'll be waiting for the last possible moment, OK?

-What are you going to do to me?

-We'll see. Go on. Get over there.

-The weather is bad and we are sinking.

-Aaargh!

Get ready to abandon ship.

'Unlike the sea, the pool was as calm and still as a monk's Y-fronts,

'so Greg hit me with ice-cold water.

'This was pure adrenaline-fuelled insanity.'

Abandon ship!

It's a howling gale. Come on, get in there, quick as you can!

It's still rough, it's still cold, it's still wet.

Well done!

GREG LAUGHS

'I was now legally entitled to go fishing,

'but after Greg's PowerPoint charts of doom and death drills,

'I was more convinced than ever that I didn't want to.'

When I arrived this morning,

my biggest concern was sea sickness, but after today,

I'm literally 100% sure I'm going to die.

'I left Greg handing out leaflets on life expectancy

'at a children's party and scampied down to Brixham

'ready for some fishing or, as Greg had called it, dying.

'Head of the local fishing cooperative, Barry,

'had kindly agreed to let me die on one of

'the trawlers in his group.'

Well, this feels like the start of a prison sentence.

You'll be fine.

'But before I did anything, Barry treated me

'to a trip to the fish market.

'He told me to keep a close eye on the auctioneers and the bidding.

'I had no idea what my eyes were listening to

'or why Barry brought me here... until he dropped a bombshell.'

This is the most important bit. You'll be doing the selling

and you've got to get as much money for your product.

You get this wrong, you're getting paid zero.

'Pollacks! Things were getting shitter by the minute.

'Not only was I going to die at sea,

'but now I would have to sell all the fish when I got back.'

I am feeling very out of my depth.

I didn't expect to be following through from

catching the fish to coming to a marketplace, an auction,

and trying to sell.

Selling really is not my forte.

And it's put a little bit of a different spin

on going out on that boat.

'Any fish I'd bring back to auction

'would be caught from a boat called the Gerry Ann C.

'Barry took me to meet its skipper, Richard.

'We found him on the side bit, mending nets with a thing.

'At just 14 years of age,

'Richard was living proof of how hard fishing is.'

-Are you all ready?

-I'm with you.

-RHOD LAUGHS

-Don't look me up and down like that!

'I'd only just met him, but I could tell young Richard

'was the kind of guy who'd look after me if I got seasick.'

-Do you turn back for people if they're really bad?

-No, no.

You'll be staying with us for the day. We've got a nice big bucket.

You make the noises, I'll laugh.

'The little scamp told me to go away and come back at 4.30 next morning,

'ready to go fishing, but like a man with haemorrhoids

'about go pony trekking, I was having second thoughts.'

ECHOING: Dangerous things happen, dangerous things happen...

You're buggered, you're going to drown.

Lethal, 100% expectation of death.

Death, death, death, death...

'Next morning I drafted my will

'and downed enough seasickness pills to kill a pilot whale

'and hurried down the docks for our 4.30 departure,

'but I can't have been as keen to die as I thought

'because I arrived at 4.36.'

-Sorry.

-You've failed your first mission.

-I know.

I know. I'm here, I'm raring to go, though.

Right. Let's get on the boat.

-What?

-On the boat.

-On the boat.

-On the boat.

Push!

-I can't push this thing off!

-Go on! Push! Push!

'While skipper Richard and deckhand John took us out to sea,

'I expected to vomit myself inside out,

'but as we left harbour, my insides stayed inside-in.

'Weather-wise, I had lucked out.' Massively relieved!

It's flatter than my missus's ironing board.

That's the old fisherman's banter, there.

Flatter than my missus's... ironing board!

'Between them, Richard and Big John had seen more fish

'than Pingu's potty and knew where to find them.

'The sun was coming up and I was still alive,

'but as the new boy, it was clear I was last in the pecking order.'

-It's anti-seagull protection gear.

-Why do I need that?

-He'll have your hand off.

-Who will?

Freddie the seagull.

Oh, shit!

If he gets angry, he'll try and bite you.

Reassure him, then grab him by the neck.

'Freddie the seagull had got himself trapped on board

'and I knew exactly how that felt.'

It's just gone five in the morning,

this is not my usual day, I have to say.

'Unlike me, Freddie was free to go,

'cos, like a lobster who had been totally Thermidored,

'I wasn't going anywhere.

'By 5.30am we had reached our first fishing ground.

'The boys leapt into action like salmon

'while I stood on the side like a lemon wedge.'

Yeah, little bit more,

then we'll take the weight on the other rope.

Right-oh, stop, stop, stop.

'The closest I've come to manual work

'is reading the instructions on my massage chair.'

-Do that up.

-Do that up?

-Keep going until it goes tight.

-Yeah?

Now undo it.

-Undo it?

-Yeah.

-Steady. Keep your fingers out of anywhere that moves.

-Yeah.

-There it goes.

-At the moment I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

Those big metal weights, they're the otter boards.

They'll make the trawls spread out a bit.

As they're dropping down, they're also pulling them way out.

-ENGINE DROWNS SPEECH

-..on the seabed.

-Why is that?

-That's where the fish are.

'With the nets out for three hours, I suggested we go home to bed

'and come back later, but Richard was a right old taskmaster.'

-If you could have a clean-up around the boat.

-Ohh...

Wash all the weed and shit and everything over the side,

hose it over the starboard side on the bow.

Starboard side on the bow. Which one is starboard?

Port, starboard.

-Port?

-Port.

-Yeah, how am I going to remember it from doing that?

-Red port!

You must stick the port back your neck when you're out, don't you?

Yeah, but I don't always use my left hand to do it.

-What if I use my right hand to drink port?

-It's the colour.

The port you drink is red, so port on the boat is red.

What do you mean, port on the boat is red?

The light on the left-hand side is red.

-What's that got to do with my left hand?

-Nothing.

Right.

No, left.

Stern is at the back, bow is at the front.

-Bow is at the front.

-Bow.

-Oh, you bow, yes.

-Bow. Every time they see me.

-Yeah, OK.

Cos I am the skipper, you are the deckie learner.

You are the skipper, I am the deckie learner.

We are in no doubt about that.

'I was as confused as a footballer

'trying to feed bread to a Toilet Duck,

'but Richard insisted I do his dirty work.'

Richard has given me these kind of

menial things to do to break me down.

I'm the lowest of the low, the deckie learner.

This feels like a totally pointless task.

It's going to be absolutely filthy again in seconds.

Argh!

Even on a day like today, when the sea is totally calm,

I'm losing my balance and then hitting my head.

If this was rough, it would be absolutely horrific.

'Like an anal worm,

'I was having to start at the bottom and work my way up.

'Richard put the sea into bossy, the fish into officious

'and the dick into Richard.

'He was right old bossy fish dick.'

You've done that one.

Don't touch it! You're smudging the inside!

He's saying he can hear me. Let's see.

Rich! Rich!

You're a proper dick.

You're a proper dickhead, yeah? Total bellend.

If only I could hear what he was saying.

'Next, Bossy Fish Dick demanded his breakfast.

'He had me waiting on him hand and foot...and sausage.'

-You should never prick sausages!

-Never prick sausages?

-Is that what your mother taught you?

-The fat helps it, cooks the meat.

You stick to fish, all right?

I know my way around a sausage!

I'm at the bottom of the food chain, here.

It goes Richard, he's the captain,

John, he's the deckhand,

then fish, then there's the seagulls,

then it's me.

There's yours, all right? There's Captain's.

There's half of one, there. There's John's, the deckhand's sausage.

And then that little crusty bit there is for Rhod the cabin boy.

-Yes? Is that how it works?

-I'm really proud.

'Time flies when you're having fun

'and what felt like four years later,

'it was time to bring in the nets

'and Bossy Fish Dick was worried about the haul.'

Yesterday was poor, it was breakeven or just below breakeven.

-Just BELOW breakeven?

-It was terrible, yeah.

I wouldn't have thought we had much at all.

We've changed the fishing ground slightly.

Money fish is what we want.

-Money fish? What's that?

-Money fish, like prime fish.

Fingers crossed, it will be all right

and we're going to find out very shortly.

'The nets were about to come in.

'No wonder Fish Dick was nervous,

'he was after money fish and they don't exist,

'but it did explain why he'd tried to get 20 haddock

'from a cash point the night before.'

I have no idea quite what to expect,

except to say that the more fish there are,

the messier it is going to be.

Equally, the more fish there are, the more we get paid.

It's been quite a surprise to learn that you can

slog your guts out all day and come home with nothing.

There's not many jobs like that.

'If the nets came up empty, all the sausage-cooking, shit-hosing,

'death-risking seagull saving could be for nothing.'

There's a lot of moving bits and heavy clanking and things going...

-Quite a dangerous environment.

-Yeah. You do get the idea

when something touches you when it shouldn't touch you -

-get out of the way.

-It's a good rule in life, that is. If something's touching you

-that shouldn't be touching you... move.

-Especially in the pub! THEY CHUCKLE

SHOUTING

There's a lot of fingers near a lot of clanking,

I don't like fingers and clanking going together.

Must be a Welsh saying.

'As our first haul came in we all hoped to see money fish

'or, at least, a mermaid with some gift tokens

'but either way, our loot was being looted.'

I tell you what, if we did have any fish in here, we won't have many

by the time those seagulls have finished.

We must have some in here. Look, is that a good sign?

-It's a 50/50 sign.

-Look at them diving there, it's incredible.

'We weren't sure it was the high-value stuff we were looking for

'but the nets were full. I hadn't seen that many fish

'since Bossy Fish Dick made me tip out his pyjamas.'

Wow.

Wow!

Pull that.

Wow. Is that a lot?

That is better than the whole day's fishing yesterday.

That's how up and down it is so we've just got to hope now

-we can keep it going.

-This is a very odd thing,

I'm very ambivalent about it - on the one hand, the fisherman,

they earn a living but it's a sort of tragic sight as well,

to see all these fish on top of each other in a fairly undignified state.

They've spent all their life waiting for today.

I'm sure they have, I'm sure this feels like the big day for them.

They were so pleased it was us that caught them and no-one else.

'Ker-fish-ching. The fish tills were ringing with money fish.

'I hadn't seen that many glassy-eyed corpses since the BBC Wales Christmas Party.'

-So what are these, Richard?

-They're lemon sole.

-Lemon sole.

That's what the money is, that's our good money fish.

-That's what we're fishing for.

-Lemon soles. Dories.

That's a John Dory.

But I do have to say, lemon soles are damn hard to pick up.

They've got some handles, so if you put your thumb over the handle

you pick them up easily.

-The eyes.

-Oh, is that what they are?

The eyes, they're not the windows to the soul, they're handles.

Handles to the fish basket.

-That's a weever fish. See the black spines on his back?

-Yeah.

-Don't poke them.

-You could die.

-Really?

Yeah, you could do, if you were allergic.

RHOD GASPS

-Shit... Have you stabbed yourself with one?

-Yes.

-You have?

You've stabbed yourself with a weever fish?

He was only my size when he did it, that's the swelling!

'Amongst the money fish there was some small change.

'Too small to land, by law we had to throw them back.'

Oh, look at that. It's a little fish with a starfish friend.

I'm going to try to release the two of them. I hope they are

going to ride off into the sunset like Butch and Sundance.

'The hungry sea birds had us surrounded, but Butch Haddocky

'and the Starfish Kid prepared to make their escape.'

This is a bit like Zulu.

The odds are stacked against you. Now, you're going to swim,

my little friends, swim. Don't look up.

Do not look up, just go for it.

DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS

No!

God! Haddock, haddock, haddock...

HIS VOICE ECHOES

'My two young friends hadn't made it, I was gutted.

'I felt like my insides had been ripped out,

'which, ironically, was exactly what Bossy wanted me to do to the rest of the fish.

'If I was going to be of any use, I had to toughen up and grow some pollacks.'

Hold them by the handles.

Cut it across. Lift it all out.

Cut it off.

'Bossy Fish Dick and Big John were dab hands at gutting

'but I was left floundering. The fish were slimier

'than Peter Stringfellow in a sardine-skin mankini.'

RHOD EXCLAIMS

Ah, can't pick them.

He's making a very late break for it, this one... Ah!

Don't laugh.

This is really horrible, cos to get a grip on this enough to get

the guts out, you've really got to grip onto his eyes

and there's something about gripping onto anybody's eyes...

-Handles.

-Handles.

-At least get the terminology correct.

Ah-hhh-ha.

Where do these go, where's the bin?

You're stood in it.

In the last 45 minutes, all of these fish have been gutted.

It's no exaggeration to say that I did less than six.

'While Bossy Fish Dick shot the nets for our second trawl,

'Big John and I stored our catch. Oddly, fish that looked like

'a dog's dinner wouldn't sell at auction

'while ones that looked like the dog's bollocks would.

'So we laid them out nice on ice.

'To ensure we got the best price when I got to market

'I'd also have to get to grips with selling my sole.'

Welcome to Rhod Gilbert's slightly inappropriate cookery show.

If you're cooking with fish and are not sure if it's Dover sole

or lemon sole, just pop it against you, like that.

If you can do that with it, that's Dover sole.

Your lemon sole, however...

-Easy way to tell the difference.

-I'll remember that.

-JOHN CHUCKLES

-Remember that if you're cooking sole at home.

'It was only 11am and our second haul was in.

'More ker-fish-ching,

'maybe it wouldn't all be for nothing after all?

'I was moving from deckie learner to a learned deckie.'

That's the second time I've seen it but it's still impressive.

I am a completely different person from the one that got on this boat.

I already feel like I know what I'm looking at,

-I know what we're going to do with it.

-Right. Front.

Lemon. That is a John Dory, perfectly nice one.

You, sir, go away, grow up, come back in a few years.

'Less than halfway through the fishing and I was already totally sea-bassed.

'I smelt like a marine latrine and was greasier than a herring's headrest.'

Hey, Rhod. Time to cook some lunch, mate.

You what?

'But despite still being all at sea

'I wasn't feeling all at sea any more.

Oh, fuck!

All right, Captain?

CHUCKLING

Wow, it's a good job he's got a nice diet, that's all I say.

'As I spoilt my hungry seamen with tarts,

'I finally felt like one of the crew.'

Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Good trip.

-Cheers.

-Here's to good fishing,

-good company.

-May the next haul be favourable.

-May the next haul be our last.

-Ah!

CHUCKLING

Well, we might just have to have one more cos you was late this morning.

Terribly late, wasn't it? When I rocked up at 4.36.

Just so late.

'I was now a cog in a well-oiled machine,

'eating at the captain's table. He even showed me his favourite toy.'

I've invented a seagull scarer.

-That is a serious...

-That's from the last refit.

-..serious hi-tech bit of kit, that is.

-That is hi-tech, it doesn't harm them.

-How confident are you that your seagull scarer works?

-I reckon 100%.

-100%?

-Yeah.

All right - this was your cherry bakewell.

I know you've had your eye on it.

-I'm going to put that on the front. Have you got the faith?

-Yeah. I'm ready. Right.

RHOD CHUCKLES

'There was no way the greedy gulls would resist my cherry-topped temptress.

'Welcome to the Great British Beak Off.'

Come on, seagulls!

-CHANTING:

-Seagulls, seagulls, seagulls, seagulls, sea...

Come on! There's none here. If we were in Cardiff city centre now

we would be pestered by the things, there's none out here, is there?

But are there any of these seagull scarers in Cardiff city centre?

'I saw an opportunity to fast track a promotion.

'Sod deckie learner, I had my eyes on the top prize.'

Let's make this interesting.

-I'll play you for the hat.

-Eh?

-Who gets to captain this boat.

-If I win, I take over the boat.

-Right.

-If you win, you get to wear the hat.

-Right.

'This was Mutiny On The Bakewell Tart.'

-Come on, seagulls!

-It's cos of the scarer, it's working.

'Oh, Mary Berry, Mutiny On The Bakewell had failed

'but I decided to up the anchovy, cos if just one gull stuck his beak

'into my fishy treat, I could take over,

'turn us round and head for home.'

-It's scaring the shit out of them already!

-Go on! Go on, mate!

Go on! Oh!

-That's it, the seagull scarer, mate...

-Yes!

..is infallible. It is infallible.

-It's incredible.

-I'll wear this hat with pride.

'With Captain Fish Dick safely at the helm our final haul was upon us

'and it was more ker-fish-ching.'

CHEERING

'Sort 'em, gut 'em, wash 'em, store 'em -

'I knew the routine by now, it was just a bloody endurance test.

'But after three good hauls, at least we were in with a chance

'of making some money at the auction.'

OK, Richard, that's it, that's the washer off.

This is the last basket of fish going down.

They're put on ice, that's it. The fishing part is done.

Stop the clocks. A MERE 16-hour shift.

'Our nets were up for good, all that remained was the long commute home.

'And, apart from some seagull congestion, the traffic wasn't too bad.'

DRAMATIC MUSIC

'The end was in sight. As Captain Fish Dick joined me on the bow

'and rubbed my aching nipples, I felt king of the world, whoo-hoo.

'We'd done what we could fishing-wise, now it was down to me

'in the auction, to sell what I could, fish-wise.'

Oh, today has been huge graft - total uncertainty.

So, lie here and watch dolphins as we go home.

I have to say, for one day only...

I don't care what I get paid, I'll take that as my pay cheque.

Left at 5am this morning, it's getting on for

nine o'clock at night now. That is a long day.

Certainly the next time I'm tucking in to a fish and chips, I think

I'll spare a thought for the people who are out here, all day.

Possibly all night.

Possibly without getting any money for it.

Come rain, come shine, come wind, snow.

It's not like many other jobs.

-What do your family think about you fishing?

-They hate it.

-They hate it?

-Yeah. Whoa!

CHUCKLING

-Slip!

-That would have been a hell of a moment for you to slide

-over the edge!

-Woof!

-Beautiful sunset, John goes over the side!

-Ha-ha.

I am away an awful lot.

I'm here a lot more than I'm at home

and I miss a lot of me kids' growing up and...

When we're in now I shall be straight to bed.

I'll be up again at half past three in the morning

and then I'll be out there all over again.

And I'll be doing that for the next six days.

-Then I'll go home.

-So you'll do six days and go home for a, sort of,

-day and a half, come back and do it all again?

-Yeah.

-All year.

-All year.

-I don't suppose you get this weather every day?

-If it was like this

every day, I wouldn't mind it quite as much.

'As we bobbed back into Brixham, I was completely lobstered

'but we still had to unload all the ruddy fish.

'And as our catch was taken off to market,

'I said goodbye to my wonderful partners in brine.'

Come on.

-Thanks very much for having me.

-It's different, wasn't it?

Hard day. What would you estimate for a deckie learner like me,

from that day, just as a guess - I know we won't know till tomorrow,

till we've sold the stuff in the auction...

If you'd had 10% on that, I reckon you'll get around about 70 quid.

-70 quid for today?

-I reckon.

-70 quid?

-See how well you do at the auction.

Yeah, the dolphins, can I have that memory or are you going to

-take that off?

-No, no...

-Are you going to take that out my wages?

No, you can have the dolphins.

I can keep the memory, can I?

'In just five hours, they'd be doing it all again

'and I certainly wouldn't be joining them.

'But 6am next morning I owed it to them to get to market

'and get the best price I could for our catch.'

Looking at this fish now feels very strange. You feel really protective

of it and I really want to get the best price I can for this.

I've been on the bloody boat, I've done it and that's mine.

These traders, who've come from all over the country to buy here today

and if they want it they're going to have to pay for it.

'As our auction approached, Barry gave me some last-minute tips.'

Just remember, these are here to get this from you for nothing.

-Lowest price they can.

-Lowest price they can. All right.

-It's not going to happen.

-No. All right, I'll see you in a bit.

-It's not going to happen, Barry.

Starting with the Gerry Ann C - we've saved the best till last,

ladies and gentlemen. Beautiful, we worked hard yesterday.

17 bloody hours on a shitty trawler. You ponce in here from London,

none of you have even been on a bloody boat. Come on. £3!

I'll give you £3.

'I'd been desperate not to let my team down and I wasn't.

'I was converting all the money fish into money money.

'And, more importantly, not getting mugged by the bidding sharks.'

The gentleman in the white coat. A mix of haddock there.

Fantastic monkfish. Beautiful mix. Dabs and lemons, what a mix.

Come on, I caught these with my fair hands...

'I'd survived. What's more, we'd had a good day

'and I'd have earned about 70 quid.

'But, for a deckie learner, the figures made you seasick.

'18 hours at sea, a one-in-14 chance of drowning,

'and on a bad day you wouldn't even make enough to get yourself fish and chips.

'If you wanted mushy peas, you'd have to do overtime.'

Look at these - bidding from China there, big call from China...

-bidding on five mackerel!

-LAUGHTER