Miner Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience

I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian. People tell me I've got the toughest job in town

but I'm sure I'd find other things far more difficult.

So I'm ditching my regular job and trying something completely different.

This is my work experience.

And this week, I'm a miner!

The closest I've come to manual work is burying my dead hamster

with a spoon, but just for a laugh,

I headed for the nearest coalmine I could find.

Ffos-y-fran is a vast, opencast coal mine near Merthyr Tydfil.

For the next few days, I'd be pretending to help Jason Davies

and his team dig the biggest hole in the UK.

I felt as out of place as Bungle in a crack den

as we drove round his post-apocalyptic workplace.

Looking out the windows out the sides now, this place is vast.

It's about 1,000 acres, the site is.

How big is 1,000 acres?

I can't picture that.

Well, it's one acre bigger than 999.

Very helpful! Thanks for that! THEY LAUGH

Bloody hell. You're right, it IS one acre bigger than 999! Bang on.

The mine was full of specialised monster trucks

and it wasn't obvious how I could help.

Maybe they'd give me a dustpan and brush.

Just so you know, what are we going to be doing is getting you

to drive one of those tractors you can see pulling off in the distance.

That's a Caterpillar 777 dump truck which has got a payload of 100 tonnes.

I was going to ask what 100 tonnes looks like, but I know what your answer's going to be.

One more than 99 tonnes! THEY LAUGH

Oh, truck it! How the hell was I going to drive

a Caterpillar 777 dump truck with a payload of 100 tonnes?

Jason wasn't exactly reassuring.

If you wanted to purchase one,

you wouldn't get much change out of ?1 million.

Lucky I don't want to purchase one.

Well, we're hoping you don't break one!

RHOD LAUGHS Yeah, that's a good point.

Thankfully, Jason wasn't just going to let me

loose in his overpriced Tonka toy, and took me

to a classroom, one chair smaller than another classroom he'd

once sat in, but the news didn't get any better.

You will be assessed tomorrow. Tomorrow? God.

So I've got a picture of it now? You've got a picture of it now.

And my test is tomorrow? And your test is tomorrow. Great.

So we'll have to see how you go. You will be under instruction at all times.

To pass the test, I'd need to safely manoeuvre the ?1 million mobile mansion,

have giant digger things drop 100 tonnes of stuff on the back,

then drop it all off in a nice, neat pile.

You can drive an automatic, I believe?

I can drive an automatic car. It's similar, just on a far bigger scale.

Yeah, it's the same. Just with 100 tonnes of shit on the back.

If you want to call it shit, we prefer to call it "overburden".

Overburden? Yeah. Potato, po-tatto. LAUGHING: Yeah, exactly!

'Sensing I'd just done a massive overburden in my pants,

'Jason knew just how to calm my nerves and dug out some reassuring holiday snaps.'

Dump truck in flames. Not common, but it does happen.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that when you're a miner,

minor mistakes can drop you in major shit. Sorry, overburdie...stuff.

Fortunately, accidents are few and far between,

but, you know, the consequences can be quite severe.

Oh, Arthur Scargill's dusty nutsack!

Seeing the truck up close didn't help.

Like online dating, it was far less attractive in the flesh.

Driving instructor Jason Gummer introduced us.

It's effing massive! It's about the size of a three-bedroom house!

I'd say two-bedroom terrace,

with a little bit of an extension on the back.

So by tomorrow, I'm going to be driving one of these things.

You're confident? I hope so. THEY LAUGH

I was going to have to work harder than Lord Sugar's face cream.

So Jason drove us up to a quiet area to get started.

Because with my test the very next day, there wasn't a moment to lose.

Pull it quite slow.

Got it. So this is it, my first little voyage.

Can't even get the seatbelt on! THEY LAUGH

Just retract it again.

Jesus Christ. Do you have to do this in your test?

'With ten minutes lost that I couldn't afford to lose,

'now there was less time than the no time I'd had to lose in the first place.'

Is that OK? Yeah. It'll be a good idea if you took your coat off, actually. Would it? I think so.

We've got to get started! I've got my test in a few hours! THEY LAUGH

With another five minutes I didn't have gone, now I had 15 minutes

less time than the no time I'd had to lose before the last bit.

But secretly, I'd been happy to put off driving this metal monstrosity.

I've never driven anything like this.

It's like going upstairs in your house, sitting in your bedroom

looking out and then just going, "Right, come on." Putting your foot down.

Foot on the brake, into drive.

Right, hang on a minute... THEY LAUGH

Mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, signal.

We're safe to go. Oh, my God.

Give it a bit of acceleration. Ohhhh... You're all right, you're fine.

God, it feels like you're sliding

and slipping all over the place. Is it? Yes. Agh!

THEY LAUGH

We were slipping and sliding around like a mackerel on a record player

and on this mud rink, I wasn't looking forward to trying to stop this moving mountain.

So when I give you the signal now, hit the brake

and we're going to do a nice emergency stop.

Bit more speed, bit more speed, bit more speed, bit more speed!

Go on! Bit more, bit more, bit more! Give it full-throttle.

Whoa! Look how far you skidded.

It was the worst emergency stop since the Titanic.

If I was to go out into the mine amongst other traffic,

there'd be no room for mistakes.

I desperately needed more practice, but I'd have to bloody wait,

because Jason got news that the explosives team were about to blow

the place up to get at some coal and the whole mine had to be cleared.

The expert team of blasters wanted me to help.

But first, I'd have to pass Chris's exhaustive background checks.

I need to know one or two things, which the law requires me to do.

You haven't been locked up in the last seven years for any period of time?

No. I haven't been a member of a terrorist organisation

in the last five years. THEY LAUGH

OK.

I'll probably ask you to sign, just to confirm all this. OK. I'll sign that, yeah.

When I introduce you to Robert, stick to him like glue...

I will, I promise. ..and don't do anything else... I promise. ..other than what he says.

I will, promise. I'll do what Robert says. OK. Where do I sign to say I'll just do what Robert says?

If I'd been worried about the truck, this was worse, because the closest I've come to blowing up a rock layer

is cracking the caramelised sugar top on a creme brulee.

Is it normal to be quite tense at this point?

THEY LAUGH

You get used to it after a while. I bet you do! Yeah!

As the new kid, I'd heard the explosives team might try to prank

me or make me look a fool, so I was on the lookout for any hint of sexual innuendo.

We're going to start filling the hole. We move this up and down.

Rob showed me how to fill his hole with explosives.

I could feel myself stiffening with fear.

Nervously, I took his floppy length of pipe.

Right, you keep moving that rod up and down.

I'm sure this is... I'll tell you if...

SPEECH DROWNED BY ENGINE

Is this really what you normally do, or is this all a wind-up?

How's that, lads? All right? THEY LAUGH

Done that before, Rhod?

Rob's enjoying that!

As Rob filled his hole with explosives,

it was my job to move his rod up and down, but the guys had warned me

that if I did it too hard, it might go off on my face.

I'll put this in now.

Primer's gone in. Now this is an explosive hole.

What? Say that again. This now is a live hole now.

The primer's gone in?

Primer's gone in now. So this is a live hole. It's a live hole.

This is explosive. Anything could happen.

Oh, I don't like this at all.

Rob explained the next step was to pack his shaft with chippings

to ensure the hole could contain his explosive blast.

One false move, and the whole thing could go off prematurely.

So, if this accidentally went off now, Rob, what would happen?

We wouldn't have a programme. We'd all be gone.

The end credits would come up. RHOD LAUGHS

God, I'm shitting myself here!

I was panic working and Rob said he'd never had his holes filled so quickly.

All that remained was to connect them up

to make one mega bomb that Rob said could finish us all off.

Should I keep my legs bent in case it all went...

THEY LAUGH Does that help, yeah? Yeah.

Basically, this area is all set.

The guys are now soaking that down, so it doesn't create too much dust for the local area

and the only thing that's left to do now, is to run like shit.

With the area clear, I thought my ordeal was over,

when Rob suddenly thrust his knob in my hands and told me to finish the job.

What do I do, press that? Then whack that? Press that and whack that.

HORN BLARES Are you sure?

Yep, whenever you're ready.

LOW RUMBLE

RUMBLING EXPLOSIONS

Whoo!

How did I do? Eh? Want a job? You what? Do you want a job? No.

With the diggers clearing up our mess

and the site open to vehicles once again, it was time to jump back in

with Jason and continue my lesson on the juddering juggernaut.

Into reverse... Come on, straight back. Oh, I don't like this at all.

Straight back.

Checking your mirrors all the time. It's quite a long way down there,.

Probably about 160-170 metres. Yeah, that's it... Oh, shit.

There's one on that side, that's it... You're fine, you're fine.

I had no idea how I was going to shift 100 tonnes of over...bird...

Bird-over? Bird shit? that "over" stuff!

But by the end of the day, Jason felt I was ready to take the truck into the other traffic.

Right, so we're now going off the training ground?

Yeah, we're going off the training ground... Into the general traffic?

Yeah. This changes things a bit. I've been quite enjoying myself with no other traffic around.

You've got 200 tonnes of metal and rock coming down about 20, 25 mile an hour,

so just keep to your side of the road.

I'm starting to shit my pants now.

If one of those full ones hits us empty, what happens?

We go to the Royal Infirmary in Cardiff.

It's the end of my first day.

I'm going to be terrified tomorrow, driving that thing.

And on top of driving it, I've got to put 100-odd tonnes in the back

and drive with that, which changes it,

and then tip it in the right place.

So I think the odds are stacked against me.

Next day, excited wasn't the word.

I was like a kid in a spoon museum.

My career as an opencast miner was on the line.

Examiner Mike was about to put my whole day's driving tuition

to the test.

I'm a bit nervous, if I'm honest.

You're a bit nervous. I'm a bit nervous as well

cos I don't know your ability yet.

Well, I'm nervous because of my ability.

So you're right to be nervous about my ability.

Well, I don't know what Jason has gone through with you,

if it's anything that you do that I deem as unsafe

then, obviously, there is a good possible chance that

you're going to not achieve. We don't say fail in this game any more.

It's a non-achieve. Non-achieve! Is that what you're going to say?

And there's not a lot of chance that you'd get employment

if it's a non-achievement.

'This was great. I couldn't fail!

'I could literally drive us off the edge of a cliff

'and all I'd do is not achieve.'

Gently, come off the throttle.

Slowly, slow, slow, slow.

Too much. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Too much, too much.

So far so non-good.

I was clearly on the road to non-success.

Next, I had to back up and take 100 tonnes of overboulder.

Over-holden? Amanda Holden?

You know what I mean. And there was no room for non-perfection.

Start to rock around now.

Right.

Look for the bucket. Yeah, I've got the bucket. Got the bucket?

Yeah, got the bucket. So, when you're ready then, into reverse.

'I was really nervous

'and wasn't sure I was ready to take 100 tonnes of Amanda Holden

'right on top of me.'

Straighten up.

Straighten up, straighten up.

Whoa, whoa, stop.

That's it.

Quite a big one. Good stuff, not bad.

You're halfway there.

I now had four times the truck's own body weight on my back.

I was carrying more Amanda Holden than I knew what to do with

and controlling the truck the truck was non-easy.

OK, we're coming up to the top so I'm easing off here.

God, it's like a bloody ski jump looking down at it now, isn't it?

Keep it, just keep it...

Don't worry, don't panic.

It's not going anywhere.

That's it.

Off the... Good stuff. Good control.

Many people non-achieve at this?

Well, you get the odd person that sort of slips through the net

that hasn't had a lot of experience, got no control whatsoever.

What, do you get people worse than me?

Oh, believe you me, yeah. Really? Yeah.

Christ, they must be bad.

Tell me about it.

Oh, my clanking lift shaft!

'Maybe I wasn't going to non-achieve after all.'

I was doing OK transporting Amanda Holden round the mine.

All I had to do now was drop my national treasure off.

Start to lock it round now, hard. And then we're going to reverse.

Go on, keep going.

Lock it round.

Soon as you see the back wheel touch, tip the lever all the way back.

Power it up.

It's my very first time doing this.

Very first time on my driving test.

Go forward a bit just to empty her out a bit.

Forward a bit just to empty it all out.

You'll see once you need to stop. Keep going, keep going.

I'd done it!

Twatted the test into the middle of next week.

'But would Mike agree or non-agree?'

'If Mike thought I'd non-achieved after that,

'I'd eat my non-soft hat.'

Well?

On a first-time basis, you didn't do too bad.

Realistically, it's going to take at least week

before you'd be let loose on your own.

So, I'm a non-achievement. Big non-achievement.

Big non-achievement? Yeah, you wouldn't get a start.

Hang on a minute. Achievement and non-achievement.

So, you let people down gently, it's all PC and it's diplomatic.

Saying "BIG non-achievement" doesn't help at all.

I'm a bit disappointed.

The whole time I've been here, I've been thinking,

"Thank God. This isn't the kind of mining where

"you go down underground hundreds of feet,

"working in stinking, dangerous, hot conditions."

At least I haven't had to do that.

Oh, you great, big, hairy miner's arse!

Boulby, North Yorkshire.

I'd be working a shift in the UK's deepest bloody mine.

My new boss Peter Jones would drag me kicking and screaming

to his underground office.

Peter could see I'm as weak as a hamster's handshake,

so to work at the face of the mine,

I'd need a medical.

We need to know that you're capable of

working in a very, very warm environment.

I've only ever holidayed in that environment. Have you?

So, what are you mining here? We're mining for potash.

Potash? Potash.

We convert the ore, potash ore, into a fertiliser.

Potash. I've never heard of potash.

Well, you're here to learn now, aren't you?

Potash. Potash. Potash. Potash.

Potash. Potash.

'I get claustrophobic opening a tin of sardines

'and as an ex-smoker, I've got lungs like a pensioner's plums.

'With a bit of luck, I'd be on my way home

'before you could say reduced lung capacity.'

HE EXHALES

LLN. That's the lower limits of normality.

Oh.

Unfortunately, my shrivelled lunglets wheezed through

the medical.

I was going to be a miner.

Next thing I knew, I was off for a safety briefing

with veteran miner Ken.

Big breath in.

Ken has spent more time underground than Tutankhamen

and as he ran through the mine's safety procedures,

if I was going to stay alive, it was vital I hang on his every word.

So we've got places underground to go to be safe.

We call them safe haven.

Stops gas from coming in.

If the compressor fails, then we've got these hoods.

There is two banks of tables, with 15 hoods on each table...

AIR HISSES LOUDLY

Didn't hear a word of that.

HE LAUGHS

'But I wasn't that worried.

'I mean, if things went badly wrong, there'd be rescue teams and whatnot.

'It's not like I'd have to rescue myself or anything.'

This, Rhod, is a self-rescuer. It's on your belt.

A self-rescuer? Yes.

Self-rescuers protect you against carbon monoxide

which doesn't take a lot of parts per million to...

make you die.

You have got to make sure you look after this piece of kit.

It is there to save your life.

OK?

'Shimmering hard hats!

'If there was any gas down the mine that wasn't my own,

'I'd have to come to my own rescue.

'I was getting increasingly worried.

'Call me superficial, but I've always liked the earth's surface.'

What is it like down the mine?

It can be very challenging.

There is a lot of potential hazards underground.

But we have a lot of control measures

to control them hazards.

Safety comes before anything else.

But you do know there's no toilets down there?

No, I didn't know that. So, don't take a curry.

So, where do you...?

Where do you go? Wherever you like.

'Oh, God.

'If I was going to work down the world's biggest open-plan toilet,

'I had to learn to use this gas mask.

'Ken wasn't exactly selling this job to me,

'but there had to be some positives.'

What's the rewarding aspect of the job?

The reward? Coming out at the end of the shift.

Is that it? "It's a rewarding job!"

"What's the reward?" "Coming out at the end." Yeah.

So far, what they're telling me isn't very appealing.

Dirty, physically hard, demanding, challenging work.

Miles underground, surrounded by shitting miners.

'I was as ready to do hard, physical labour down a mine

'as a retired beautician who's just run a bath.

'But it was time for my final bits of kit,

'so I headed down to the lamp room with Peter.'

No going back now, Rhod, this is it.

Unfortunately.

'The mine's age-old safety system was a poignant reminder

'of the realities of working underground.'

You've got two tallies - triangular one and a brass one.

We hand that one to the banksman before we go down,

so he knows we're underground.

And then when we come back up again, we hand that one

to the banksman again,

so he knows that we're back on the surface.

At the end of the shift, Rhod, if there's only that left

on the tally board and that one hasn't come up

that means you haven't come up with it.

If at the end of the programme there's just that one left for me,

I'll be pissed off. Dead and pissed off.

Well, me and you both cos I'll be with you!

Like Peter Stringfellow auditioning for a suffragettes docudrama,

I was totally the wrong person for this.

We're going to descend about 1,100 metres into the earth.

1,100 metres? 1,100 metres.

Straight down. Once you're down there, going to be going out

probably about eight, eight and a half kilometres out to sea.

When did it become normal for people to go to work to go

a kilometre underground and then go 8km out under the sea?

They've been doing it for decades.

Sounds shit.

LAUGHTER

It's quite weird standing here at the pithead

getting your lamp and your carbon monoxide gas mask thing

and knowing you're going to go down a mine.

It's a strange feeling.

'But my lamp was on and my hat was hard.

'It was time to go.

'As we headed towards the cage, my nerves began to affect me

'in strange ways.'

Like a goldfish.

My ears keep popping!

Is that normal? That's normal, absolutely normal.

This is an airlock. We actually push air

down the man shaft right the way round the mine

so we can breathe properly.

OK. It's as simple as that.

'Fortunately, to reassure nervous first-timers like me,

'the airlocks were tastefully decorated

'with motivational posters.'

Cheerful, isn't it? Cheerful. Oh, yeah!

'I get vertigo reading Wuthering Heights,

'but at least the commute was going to be easy -

'step into the devil's dirt box and let gravity do the rest.'

I can see now the light's starting to disappear,

so we're starting to drop down below the earth's surface.

'As the clanking metal box began lowering towards Australia,

'we picked up speed.'

My ears are starting to pop now.

Think of the top of Mount Snowdon, the highest mountain in Wales,

we're going down under the ground further than that.

'Every second we got 20 feet closer to the Earth's core

'and my stomach got closer to my mouth.

'Until we arrived at the eerie underground world known as

'pit bottom.'

This is the original part of the mine. Probably 40 years old.

It's like a whole street network down here.

How safe do you feel down here?

It's just second nature.

You don't think about it. You just get on with it.

We've basically got a transit van here.

It's so weird, this.

I know it's just totally normal to you.

How do you get that thing down here in the first place?

Not easy. Not easy. Not easy, no!

Took all the fluids out the engine,

swing it upside down from the back

and lower it down the shaft very slowly.

So you just drop it in vertical? Yeah.

To get to the potash,

we take a surreal drive in tunnels carved through miles of rock salt.

Like David Beckham looking at a paperclip,

my brain was in overload.

Right, here we go.

We're going from 1,100 metres at the bottom of the shaft

and where we're going to, that's at about 850 metres,

so we're actually rising up.

Does that mean it'll get cooler?

No! No.

No sat nav down here, is there?

No sat nav whatsoever. How do you know your way around?

Practice.

I'd be putting a ball of wool down, mate!

THEY LAUGH

I've got a ball of string in the back if you want one.

Yeah, let's do it to be safe. It's just... The dust.

Yeah, it's a mine.

Our post-nuclear road trip took us further and further

and hotter and hotter into this apocalyptic Hoover bag.

God, it's hot. It's going to get hotter.

The mine was a terrifying game of Pac-Man.

30 minutes further into this dust-choked labyrinth,

the smooth salt tunnels gave way to something far more worrying.

Are we in potash now? We're in potash now, yeah.

Potash isn't as stable as salt is.

What are these things here?

Pit props. The props.

They just look like wood laid in a Jenga pattern.

The Jenga's there to support the roof.

What the hell? That's not holding the roof up. Yeah.

Is that the best idea? Jenga's built to fall down, yeah?

Yeah.

It's as safe as houses.

The walls look less stable,

everything looks more bouldery, more rubbley.

In my head, that says much more dangerous.

It's a hazardous environment.

What's the difference between a dangerous environment

and a hazardous environment?

Just posher words!

THEY LAUGH

It was all too easy to imagine this whole place collapsing.

And 9km out under the sea, there was no quick way back.

What's this ahead, Peter? I can see men.

Men. Human beings and alive!

Heading towards our meeting station.

This is where you'd sit and discuss the day's work.

Can I just point out before we start the working day,

I am absolutely exhausted.

It had taken us 40 minutes but we were finally

clocking in in the most surreal workplace I've ever seen.

Seminaked production manager Carl explained that bolting

the roof up to keep it roof-like was a nonstop job.

So when I saw some stupid mine twat hacking away the walls,

I almost lost it.

OK, Rhod. If you watch Mark scaling,

he's getting the side wall down so it doesn't fall on anyone.

So this is loose stuff that could fall? Correct.

So you're making it fall. Correct.

This is quite dangerous stuff...

and I'd like you to try it.

All right, let's give it a go.

Prising loose bits off and jumping out the way,

I felt like Simon Cowell's make-up artist.

This was one of the toughest jobs on the shift

and I was already struggling.

Luckily, Carl was on hand with kind words of encouragement.

He's not very good, is he?

I must've been a miner for ten minutes and I got a blister.

This is a lot harder than it looks.

Also, as you do start to see a big crack appear,

you're thinking, "Shit! Is this supposed to come down?"

That lump will weigh about a quarter of a tonne.

So if that had come down on you...

It wouldn't do you any good.

That'd kill you. That'd kill you. That'd be my best-case...

Carl and me had different ideas about best-case scenarios.

I'd also noticed he'd sorted his friends out with power tools

and was giving me all the crappy manual work.

OK, there's the shovel.

I want you to do a better job than you did scaling.

Yeah, I wasn't very good. You weren't.

I was struggling in the 40-degree heat, but Carl kept pushing me

like a man trying to get a shopping trolley across the Sahara.

Come on, Rhod. Keep going.

Bigger shovel, better technique.

You should be shovelling deeper and get more on the shovel. Oh.

They're all just standing around chatting back there, Carl.

Faster! Shovel faster!

It's so hot.

Why have you stopped? Come on, dig.

In these life-sapping conditions,

even blinking was blinking hard work and Carl was deliberately

making my life blinking hell.

He was a cross between the Village People and Darth Vader.

Faster!

Hurry up!

Have you got that the right way round?

How do you mean? Is it the right way around? Yes or no?

I don't know, you tell me yes or no.

Well, you have a guess.

Uh...no?

It's right!

It IS right? It IS right. Yes. Well done.

What was all the fuss about, then,

if I did it right in the first place?

I just thought I'd ask you, that's all!

Carl was a fascist.

He put the coal into Colditz, the mine into Mein Kampf

and the dick into dictator.

He was a right coaly mine dick.

Even in my uniform, I was no more a miner than

Jeremy Corbyn in adult nappies is a sumo wrestler.

And coaly mine dick was taking full advantage.

He was determined to kill me before I'd even had lunch.

How's the day gone?

Has Carl been all right with you?

He hasn't pushed you too hard, has he?

Leave me alone.

Leave you alone? All of you, just leave me alone.

THEY LAUGH

I was just about surviving coaly mine dick's initiation ceremony,

doing all the backbreaking work that didn't need doing.

And when he showed me his favourite toy,

I assumed he was going to make me wax and polish it.

Look at that thing! That is a serious bit of kit.

This is a Heli Miner, it's awesome.

Even now, after 31 years, I think it's awesome. It is awesome

in the proper sense of the word.

It's 120 tonnes, 30.5 metres long, four metres wide.

It's a beast.

So do you want to have a go, then?

What, you're going to let me have a go of that?

I'm going to let you have a go of that. Seriously?

So far, I have massively non-achieved

on every machine I've touched,

whether it's been in Merthyr Tydfil or here.

It's the, essentially, most dangerous one of the lot.

This modern-day mine-osaurus Rex would devour anything in its path.

One false move and I was sure I'd bring the whole

depressing place down on us.

There's no man sits on it. You drive it from this control panel.

Oh, there's no driver in there? No driver.

It's a remote-controlled machine. You the driver?

This remote-controlled monster was unlike anything I'd ever operated.

If I messed up with Carl's Heli Miner,

I'd poo my pants so hard, I'd hit my head on the ceiling.

If I have a major non-achievement with this, what happens?

You can't do too much damage with this.

It's funny you should say that, it looks quite damaging.

Operator Steve showed me how to make this mole of mass destruction move

and, equally importantly, how to make it stop.

Press that button there. Which one?

That one.

ENGINE RUMBLES

Was that a test, was it?

Yeah! Was that just a test? Yeah.

I had my doubts, but coaly mine dick felt I was ready to operate

this prehistoric mine muncher.

RUMBLING

That is going.

Right, we're going forwards.

I was doing the biz in hi-vis,

and non-achieving to kill us all.

This could be my first non-non-achievement.

The conveyor belt's working, it's mining.

Stuff is coming back by the tonne-load.

That wasn't a non-achievement.

Good, isn't it?

Tell me that wasn't a non-achievement.

I'll give you 5/10.

I'm happy with that.

It was the end of my shift and coaly mine dick gave me his verdict.

I've got to be honest, I don't think you've got a job as a miner.

I've got to be honest, I wouldn't even apply.

Wouldn't you? No!

I'm an aboveground person, what can I say?

You've proved that today.

You have actually proved that today!

They say at the centre of the Earth, the pressure's so great

you'd be squeezed into a ball smaller than a marble.

I'd only been 1km of the way there but I'd never felt smaller,

humbled by Carl, Peter and all the men and women who do this every day.

It's no surprise the camaraderie here is so strong,

forged as it is in the world's biggest, hottest,

dustiest open-plan toilet.

Oh, look at this!

I want to drink the sky.

I want to eat the grass.

I want to shove the sun up my ass.

Oh, my God. That is toil.

Hats off to them.

Glasses off to them.

But I'm out of here.

Is it hard to balance family and work?

Well, family always come first... Nah - cos to me

Kurupt FM is my work AND my family, so...

Me and Grindah are sort of like the dads.

No, cos that sounds...weird.

I'm like the cute randy uncle. So lock up your aunties!

Join the Kurupt family, in People Just Do Nothing.