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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
Hello. I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:38 | |
the show where three guests explain what really winds them up, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
in the hope that I'll condemn said things | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
to the grim environs of Room 101. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
Our guest choices have been sorted into categories and in | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
each round, only one item can be chosen. The final decision is mine. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
Joining me tonight are Labour Party legend John Prescott, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
comedian Micky Flanagan and actress Rebecca Front. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
So, let's get the ball rolling, let's have our first category. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:10 | |
It's Film & Television, and let's have a look at Rebecca's choice. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:18 | |
It's audience participation. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Ah. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
BOOING AND HISSING | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
Oh! Boy, I'm really popular here! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:30 | |
That's a very fine example, right there. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
When you're in the audience of a show and you're settling down | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
and just at that point when they say, | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
"I need a volunteer from the audience," I'm always that one | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
who sinks down into my chair and thinks, | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
"They won't notice me, it'll be fine." | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
But they're like dogs, these audience participation people, | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
they smell fear. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
So the more you sink down into your chair... | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
I don't think it's fear, is it, that dogs smell? | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
So the more you sit there and try and be invisible, the more likely you are to get picked. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
And it's always me, always me. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
-So have you been called up on stage? -Oh, loads of times. Honestly. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
There was a time when Al Murray and I took our respective families | 0:02:04 | 0:02:09 | |
to a circus, and we both got pulled up on stage, by clowns. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:14 | |
And it was hideous. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
He was trying to get us to enact some drama in which Al had to be | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
a cowboy and had to shoot me and I was some floozy in a feather boa | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
and I don't know what it was all about, I didn't understand it. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
At a given point, he handed Al this pistol and Al sort of went bang, | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
and then he looked at me, this clown, and kind of went, "Urgh, urgh!" | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
So I thought, "OK, I'm meant to die at this point." | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
So I fell off the chair into the sawdust, which went all over my nice cardigan. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:39 | |
-Oh, no. -And at that point... Thank you for your sympathy! -That's all right! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:44 | |
I noticed my son, who at that stage was about, | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
was a toddler, suddenly looking at us thinking, | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
we came here to have a nice time and Uncle Al's just shot Mummy. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:53 | |
You know, it was all wrong, it was a bad idea. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
I like it when the clowns run at you with the bucket of water and it's just glitter. That's great. | 0:02:56 | 0:03:01 | |
No, it's not. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
The surprise, the fear. Oh, it's just glitter. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:05 | 0:03:06 | |
Admittedly, if your house is burning down, they're worse than useless. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
Panto would be downright dangerous, without audience participation. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
You'd have no idea if there was anything behind you or not. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
I think that's one of the sorry things in politics, | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
that years ago, since I've been around for a few years, heckling | 0:03:24 | 0:03:28 | |
at conferences, or indeed in audiences like this, was quite common. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
Now that's gone, largely because people like myself, | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
if somebody makes a comment and heckles, I do my best to kick their head in before anybody else does. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:40 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Well, look, I know you're not a big fan of audience participation, John, | 0:03:42 | 0:03:47 | |
because we've got a clip that proves exactly that. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:51 | |
If you put together all of the numbers... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
WOMAN IN CROWD SHOUTS REPEATEDLY | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
..and any of the others that come into a coalition deal, | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
that only just gets you... | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
Can you keep your mouth shut for a moment, love? | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
OK, let's have a look at John's choice. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
What is it, John? | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
Well, it's pictures of me on television. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:25 | |
For example, when I did that, I was at a rally and I was trying | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
to bring home to people who were moaning that Gordon Brown is miserable, | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
and I said, "I know he's miserable," and I pulled that face. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
The press then decide this is something they want as a story, | 0:04:35 | 0:04:39 | |
and so they, probably wanting to make me look foolish, | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
or the other one is you're looking aggressive and I think they think | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
I'm aggressive, so they put that picture across. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
In this case, somebody came up to me a few weeks later | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
and said, "Hello," he said, "I'd love to have your autograph." | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
And I signed it and he said, "Thanks very much, Les." | 0:04:54 | 0:04:59 | |
I said, "What do you mean, Les?" | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Les Dawson was on in Blackpool, that's where it was, | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
and they thought that was Les Dawson. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
You love it really, don't you? | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
I mean, the Two Jags, how did that thing happen? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
Did you just buy two Jags? | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
-No, I just had one. -So what happened? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Did you park it next to a mirror? | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
I had one, it was an old XJS, I've still got it, and the Government | 0:05:19 | 0:05:23 | |
came along and gave us another car. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
I became "Two Jags" in the paper, because that's the image they want. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:29 | |
Just think if you'd have had Rolls-Royces, you'd have been known as Two Rolls. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:33 | 0:05:34 | |
I think they still call you that in Greggs. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
That's another picture they like. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
If they see you eating, fish and chips or whatever, that's the picture they put across, | 0:05:43 | 0:05:48 | |
because it feeds that image... as if I'm fat. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
The guy who you hit, did he ever sell his story? | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-What happened to him? -Yeah, he got about 20,000 from the Mail. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
That can't be right, can it? Hold on a minute. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:05 | 0:06:06 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
OK, let's have a look at Micky's choice. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
What is it, Mick? | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Well, it's actually celebrity chefs. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
Ah, OK. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
I think they're over-valued, every time I turn on TV there's another one. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
They just keep appearing, they've all got their own little thing. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
Gordon's very angry, aggressive, crazy. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
I understand that, he's ended up doing a lady's job. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
LAUGHTER AND GROANING | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
I'm joking! I'm joking. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
Most women can't cook nowadays. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
So, but it's no-one's job. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
But it's basically, it's this overblown idea | 0:06:57 | 0:07:02 | |
of themselves as being really talented, and it's just cooking. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
All they've done is got organised. They've just got organised | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
and they've got more time than everybody else. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
They're just saying, "I wasn't really any good at anything, | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
"so I'll do a bit of dinner. Is that all right?" | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
And you all have to go, "Wow! Crazy, man! | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
"Look, he's using Sicilian lemons, wow!" | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
The British have had a very healthy attitude to food. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
It's generally there to line the stomach, | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
that's generally what we use it for. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
The sensible people are going, "I'm going out at the weekend for 48 hours, drinking. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:37 | |
"I'll have a jacket potato and a glass of milk, I'll be fine." | 0:07:37 | 0:07:41 | |
Yeah, but I like... I don't cook, | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
but I like the idea of eating new things that I've never... | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
like when I first heard of mange tout, | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
that was the... | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
..that was a discovery for me, and much better than the original Mange. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
Whereas, when they got to Mange Three, | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
I thought they'd run out of ideas. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
I enjoyed Mange The Early Years, that was a good one. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
You know, when I was growing up, | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
cookery on telly was, there was a woman called Fanny Cradock. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
-Oh, yeah. -Yeah, and she'd come in and she'd say, "Hello. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
"I'm going to cook a pie." | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
And my dad would say, "Turn that over, will you?" | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
And we'd turn it over. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
And that was it, you know. Have you ever tried it, though? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Have you ever tried, have you ever had an inspirational moment when you're sitting there watching it, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:35 | |
you go, "That's it, I'm doing this"? | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
"I'm doing it for her." | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
I've tried to make, I've got down the book | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
and it said, "Pumpkin risotto." | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
I thought, "She'll like that. I'm making that, for my wife." | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
And it said, "Take one medium-sized pumpkin." | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
I thought, "I'll give that a miss, then." | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
What were you expecting the ingredients to be? | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
But who's got a pumpkin? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
No, you're right. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:03 | |
-You know, it wasn't Halloween. -Yeah, it's a seasonal dish, really. -Yeah. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Or am I supposed to be like Jamie? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
"I'm just going to pop down the market and get a pumpkin. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
"All right, Shirl, any pumpkins?" "You all right, Jamie? | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
"What sort of pumpkin do you want?" | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
"A round one." "Oh, all right, we've got that for you. Catch, Jamie." | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
"Cheers! Thanks, babe, wey-hey!" | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
OK, well... | 0:09:26 | 0:09:27 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
So, look, that's the end of that category and... | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
I am a big fan of audience participation, | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
so I'm loathed to put that in. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
And, John, I think you probably are slightly victimised | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
by the media as to be made to look a bit like the Gruffalo. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:47 | |
But you love it as well, I think. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
But you're right, I'm sick of watching cookery programmes on the telly, | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
so I'm going to put TV chefs into Room 101. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:09:57 | 0:09:58 | |
Look at that. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Job done. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:04 | |
OK, so let's have our next category. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Modern Life. Let's see what winds up | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
John Prescott about modern life. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
Hold on, John, you'll love this. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
CREAKING | 0:10:32 | 0:10:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:33 | 0:10:34 | |
Amazing. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
So what is it, John? | 0:10:37 | 0:10:38 | |
It's goal celebrations. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
Well, you sit down and you watch football, I'm a director | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
of a rugby team in Hull, and I notice the difference when there's a score. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
When there's a goal in football, they all start running over | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
to each other and kissing each other and throwing their hands around. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
Years ago, when it was Stanley Matthews and he scored, he just walked away, didn't he, you know? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
And they all played more. Now they get down on their knees, | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
pull their shirts out and go, "Wow!" | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
And wait for the kiss. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
I mean, what's that got to do with football? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
AUDIENCE: Get 'em off! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:11 | |
Footballers are generally much more pansy-ish now than | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
they used to be, you know. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
Well, I can't... | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
When I was growing up, in the game there was a thing called a fair barge. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
Do you remember the fair barge, Frank? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
-Shoulder to shoulder? -Bosh, get out of the way. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
John's been using it in the chip shop for years. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
No, but I think people always say this about, you know, | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
players, they're all millionaires and all that kind of, | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
but, you know, these are massively skilled professionals | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
and I think that those goal celebrations are the closest | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
the working classes get to contemporary dance. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
The working classes! The working class don't act like that in football, it's these guys. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:56 | |
Some of them come from that background, | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
but in the real top teams, where a lot of goals are going on - I agree that in West Brom | 0:11:58 | 0:12:03 | |
it doesn't happen very often, so you probably don't get many of these... | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
AUDIENCE: Boo! | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
I understand, I can't actually remember... | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
I can't remember what goal celebration we do. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
No, that's fair enough. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
You know that thing when players have something written on a T-shirt under the shirt? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:20 | |
I always worry that players have had one for years and never scored. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:25 | |
A bloke scored at the Albion about two months ago | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
and the T-shirt said, "Who shot JR?" | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
But the trouble is... | 0:12:35 | 0:12:36 | |
The best one is when the celebrations go wrong. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
This is a Coventry player, right, and I really love this, | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
as a post-goal celebration that doesn't quite make the grade. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:49 | |
And Robbie Simpson ghosting into the box there and picking out | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
the far corner, and that should be that for Coventry City. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:12:57 | 0:12:58 | |
You're supposed to slide, is the idea. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
Let's find out what annoys Rebecca about modern life. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
It's other people's music. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
Ah. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:18 | |
SCATTERED APPLAUSE | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
Because when I was growing up, Muzak was the thing that everybody hated, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
you know, and people would complain about it all the time, piped music. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
Then they invented Walkmans and iPods | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
and so you could listen to whatever awful music you wanted to | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
listen to and nobody else would be bothered by it. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
And still you have it inflicted on you. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
And I think I have a particular problem with this | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
because I am terribly kind of British and I'm very bad at speaking my mind. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:46 | |
So when I get into the back of a taxi and they've got music radio on, | 0:13:46 | 0:13:50 | |
I find it actually physically impossible to say, | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
"I'm so sorry, could you turn the music off?" I just can't do it. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
About halfway through the journey, they'll say, "Sorry, is this music bothering you?" | 0:13:56 | 0:14:01 | |
And by that time I'm so knotted up by having had to listen to power ballads | 0:14:01 | 0:14:05 | |
for an hour and a half, that I'll just sort of go, "No, it's fine." | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
So it's power ballads, that's the... | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
-Power ballads, I'm not big on power ballads. -Even this one? | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
# Mandy | 0:14:14 | 0:14:15 | |
# You came and you gave without taking | 0:14:15 | 0:14:19 | |
# But I sent you away... # | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
-Yeah, even that one. -John, you must have sung that to Peter Mandelson. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:26 | 0:14:27 | |
There's that moment on a power ballad where they think, | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
"To hell with the melody, I'm just going to shout any note I like." Listen, she goes crazy. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:36 | |
# All by myself... # | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
At this moment you think, "All By Myself, I quite like this one, it's fine." | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
But no, she's not happy with this. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
She's thinking, "No, I'm singing it." | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
# ..All by mySELF! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
# ANY MO-O-O-ORE... # | 0:14:48 | 0:14:53 | |
THUNDERING DRUMS AS SINGER CONTINUES | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
MUSIC STOPS | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
What about car horns? | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
-No, that's all right, it's a quick blast, that's a warning. -No, no. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
Do you remember the ones you used to get in the '70s? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
CAR HORN PLAYS JAUNTY TUNE | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
-Oh, I love that! -Bugattis. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
I bet you had one of those, Mick, am I right? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
I dreamed. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:16 | |
And sometimes you used to get the cheap, the sort of home-made ones. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
Here is an example. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
CAR HORN PLAYS DISTORTED TUNE | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
That sounds like a front-door bell. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
There is actually an explanation for that one. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
DISTORTED HORN PLAYS AGAIN | 0:15:29 | 0:15:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:15:35 | 0:15:36 | |
Let's see what Micky doesn't like about modern life. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
Americanisms. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
AUDIENCE: Yeah! | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:15:50 | 0:15:51 | |
You can put it back down now, Frank. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:56 | 0:15:57 | |
Don't get me wrong, I like America, I've been there many times, | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
but when I go there I'm doing my best to communicate with the people. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:06 | |
If I want chips, I'll say, "Can I have some fries?", you know. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
If I want crisps, I'll say, "Can I have some chips?" | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
You know, I'll accommodate. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Yeah. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:15 | |
So when they come here, you've got to join in. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
I don't like the way we're sort of cheapening the British language | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
by continually slowly Americanising it. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
I was in a restaurant the other day and the toilets were the restrooms. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:29 | |
Are you resting in there, are you? | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
Excuse me, how much longer will you be resting? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:37 | |
"It's quite a big rest I've got to get out here, mate!" | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
Some of the Americanisms are brilliant. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
You know when you get extras in TV, like those people that play darts in the Rovers Return? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:52 | |
We call them extras. In America they call them "atmosphere". | 0:16:52 | 0:16:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:56 | 0:16:57 | |
I love that. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
"Where's the atmosphere? Come on!" | 0:16:59 | 0:17:01 | |
It can lead to terrible misunderstandings | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
in the sexual area as well. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Where is the sexual area? | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
When I lived in America, I had an American girlfriend | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
and was badgering her for sex that night. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
She said, "Micky, we are not gonna to make love tonight. Period." | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
I said, "Well, that's fair enough, love." | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
A friend of mine - this creeps into everyday language - a friend of mine | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
phoned me up the other day and we were going for a curry and a couple of pints, | 0:17:38 | 0:17:42 | |
and I said, "What time do you think you'll get there?" | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
He said, "Oh, I'll probably rock up at about half eight." | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
I said "Rock up?" | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
I said, "You're 52... | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
"..you've got an hearing aid, | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
"and last week you put your back out wringing out a flannel. | 0:17:56 | 0:18:01 | |
"You're not rocking up anywhere, mate. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
"You'll get there about half eight." | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
You know, it's this constant dressing-up | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
and trying to make things more exciting by using American language. It just drives me up the wall. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:14 | |
Yeah, whatever. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:16 | 0:18:17 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
Well, they're all beautifully argued and I like Americanisms, | 0:18:23 | 0:18:30 | |
because I like the way that language moves and grows. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
And I think celebrations of any kind in recession-hit Britain | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
are a thing to be happy about. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
But I must admit, as bigoted as it may be, I do hate | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
other people's music, | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
so I'm going to put other people's music into Room 101. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
Oh, let us have the next category, please. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
OK, People is the category. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
What kind of people wind up John Prescott? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
People who shout on their mobiles. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
I think everyone of us has got a mobile, I'm not against that | 0:19:13 | 0:19:18 | |
but particularly on trains, | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
now they say you can do it only on certain parts of the trains, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
but you're sitting in the coach, people are using it | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
and then you get some who want to shout about everything, right? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
They say, "Hello, it's Jimmy. Yeah, are we going out tomorrow night? | 0:19:29 | 0:19:34 | |
"Yeah, where will we be? We'll go down that pub down in Hull, OK? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
"Will you be there? Yeah. Will you tell Mary too?" | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
I usually shout out, | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
"Anybody else want to go on this thing to the pub in Hull? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
That usually quietens them down a bit. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
-You really do that? -Yeah. He said, "Are you always this offensive?" | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
"Yeah, only to buggers like you." | 0:19:51 | 0:19:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
I love the idea of someone on the phone saying, | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
"Sorry if I sound a bit trembly. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
"John Prescott is trying to turn the whole carriage against me." | 0:19:59 | 0:20:04 | |
Why don't you just punch them, John? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
You have to talk though, on the trains, it's part of your job. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:13 | |
No, I've got no problem about people talking normally on the phone, | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
I find that quite acceptable, I'll use it myself sometimes. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
It's the shouting that everybody hears in the coach | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
and I can't help but sometimes think they do it deliberately, | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
it's like emphasising a kind of importance, | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
who they're ringing and what they're doing. That is inconsiderate. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
I must admit I have enjoyed it. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
It takes all the strain out of eavesdropping. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:38 | |
Don't you think, Frank, if they are going to have the conversation | 0:20:38 | 0:20:42 | |
they should put it on speaker, so you can hear the other side? | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
There's nothing worse than going, "I can't listen properly." | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
That's the other thing, laptops - when people watch a film. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
Have you seen this one? People will watch a film on their laptop. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
I had a woman got on the train the other day | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
and she sat her kid behind me, she went and sat about five seats away, | 0:21:00 | 0:21:04 | |
put the laptop on and put Chuggington on for the kid. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
I'm sitting there, | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
# Chuggington! Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga... # | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
What do you do? | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
I just went and sat with the kid. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
I went, "This is quite a good one actually." | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
OK, what kind of people does Rebecca not like? | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
Whatever happened to my shoulders? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
That speaks for itself. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
People who come up and give you an unwanted massage. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:44 | |
I've got a theory that this might be something that | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
-annoys women more than it annoys men. -I think you're right. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:52 | |
I have a suspicion that most men, | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
if they were given an unexpected massage, might be relatively quite pleased, | 0:21:54 | 0:21:58 | |
but there is a type of man, it's usually men, | 0:21:58 | 0:22:02 | |
it's quite often young men, a lot of young actors do it. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
It's usually rather charming, | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
metrosexual guys who want to show that they're touchy-feely | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
and non-threatening and so they'll come up to you | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
first thing in the morning in a rehearsal say, | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
and they'll just kind of go, "Hi. How are you doing? | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
"Feeling a bit tense today." | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
Are they behind you or in front of you? | 0:22:21 | 0:22:25 | |
-Behind you. -But they don't ask? | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
No, no. It's a very common thing. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
They come up and massage your shoulders. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:34 | |
Also, I am quite a tense person quite a lot of the time | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
and I relish my right to remain tense for as long as I choose to be. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:41 | |
If I wish to stop being tense, I will go and see a physiotherapist | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
and get unknotted professionally. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
I don't want some young person coming up and doing it for me. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:50 | |
I tell you what, it works with pigeons. I think... | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
-..my advice is that you get one of these. -That's brilliant. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:01 | |
Can I have that? That's really, really useful. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
Someone comes up with a quick massage and obviously they're in | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
a considerable amount of pain quite early on. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:10 | |
I mean, they're rubbish for pirates, obviously. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
Also I'd keep bills paid and unpaid. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
But the problem is, Frank, it's not just shoulders | 0:23:20 | 0:23:24 | |
-because you now get... -What? -When you go to the hairdressers, | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
you know when they wash your hair at the backwash thing? | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
It's the most uncomfortable thing. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
You're lying with your neck in a ceramic vice | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
and your eyeballs are being seared by some kind of recessed spotlight. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:38 | |
You're lying there thinking, "I just want this bit to be over as quickly as possible." | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
Then they start to massage your head! | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
-As if that's going to be relaxing. -Horrible. -It's vile. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
I hate having my hair washed by someone else. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:52 | |
You know that sink you lean back on, | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
I always imagine they are looking at my neck thinking, | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
"Oh, I'd love to chop his Adam's apple." | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
And once you get that in your mind, you cannot relax. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:06 | |
I'm a firm believer that men can't be pampered. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
It just doesn't exist, pampering for men. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
The minute anyone gets near a man and starts rubbing them... | 0:24:17 | 0:24:21 | |
..you start thinking sexual thoughts. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:27 | |
You're thinking, "I shouldn't be doing this in the barber's." | 0:24:27 | 0:24:31 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
I've always assumed that's why they've put that cloth over you. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
I always think of that as my privacy blanket. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
What about that kind of modern relaxation that | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
I experienced a little while ago, | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
putting your feet in a bucket with fish. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
-You haven't tried that? -I have. -I don't like the sound of that. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
I bet you had chips in it as well. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:02 | 0:25:03 | |
Let's see what Micky doesn't like about people. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
It's people who pay by card in pubs. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
Absolutely infuriating. I mean, we've not got the greatest service record | 0:25:24 | 0:25:29 | |
in the UK anyway, you tend to have to wait quite a while to get served, | 0:25:29 | 0:25:33 | |
you're there, waving your tenner around like you're the king or something. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
Then a bloke orders couple of drinks and I'm like, "Get some cash out, mate! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
"You knew you were coming to the pub or did you fall through the door accidentally? | 0:25:40 | 0:25:45 | |
"Get some cash out. Why are you wasting my time? You knew you were coming here. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:49 | |
I just think it's people who are really tight, selfish, inconsiderate, | 0:25:49 | 0:25:53 | |
thinking, "Nah, I don't want to have any money on me. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
"Oh no, I'll use my chip and pin. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
"You're earning interest on every penny, 24 hours a day." | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
We have cash, we have this thing called cash. Get some out! | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
Spend it, you tightwad! | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
This is progress, though. isn't it, Micky? | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
What, taking 20 minutes to buy half a lager?! | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
I was on the train the other day, I went through to the buffet car, | 0:26:12 | 0:26:16 | |
sign on the thing, it said, | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
"We do not accept debit or credit cards. However, we will accept cash." | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
Christ, there's a breakthrough. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
What were they using the bartering system yesterday? | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
Geezer walks up, "Excuse me, mate, | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
"if my wife shows you her tits, can I have a Kit-Kat?" | 0:26:29 | 0:26:32 | |
But it's progress. When I was a heavy drinker, | 0:26:37 | 0:26:40 | |
the thing that stopped me drinking even more | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
was I used to run out of money. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
Whereas, a credit card is like a fabulous, bottomless pit. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
The only thing that ruins your night is unconsciousness. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:53 | |
That old spoilsport. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
I think you're out of date, Micky Flanagan. | 0:26:57 | 0:27:01 | |
This is cos you don't drink any more. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
Yeah, I just got fed up of waiting to be served. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
No, I think you're being a Luddite. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
I think money will disappear and cards are the future, that's what I think. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:18 | |
And, Rebecca, I'm very tempted by your unwanted massage, | 0:27:18 | 0:27:23 | |
but I think some of these men, I think probably are trying to be nice | 0:27:23 | 0:27:28 | |
and do you a favour, so... And relax you and all that, | 0:27:28 | 0:27:33 | |
but I can see no justification for people who are shouting | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
their heads off on trains on mobile phones. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
So, I'm going to put people who shout on mobile phones into Room 101. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:43 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
OK, next category, please. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:51 | |
Ah, it's the Wildcard round. This time there's no restraints. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:58 | |
We're not asking you to work within a category, | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
just pick anything you don't like, it's as simple as that. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:05 | |
So what is Rebecca Front's wildcard? | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 | |
-Beautiful. -Air fresheners. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
Really? | 0:28:14 | 0:28:15 | |
There are few smells in the world that can't be made worse | 0:28:15 | 0:28:19 | |
by trying to cover them up with an air freshener, in my view. | 0:28:19 | 0:28:23 | |
And we all know, you know, | 0:28:23 | 0:28:24 | |
there are some unpleasant stenches around, but, as an example, | 0:28:24 | 0:28:29 | |
many years ago, when my daughter was a toddler, | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
we'd just hit the motorway on the way to, you know, a long three-hour drive, and she was sick. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:37 | |
So we pulled into the first service station that we found | 0:28:37 | 0:28:41 | |
and we took the car-seat out and we scrubbed it clean. | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
I'm saying "we", I mean my husband, and then we bought an air freshener, because that's sort of what you do. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:50 | |
We didn't know what else to do, so we got an air freshener, | 0:28:50 | 0:28:53 | |
and the whole way there, for three hours, the car stank of vomit and apple. | 0:28:53 | 0:28:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:57 | 0:28:58 | |
It was absolutely vile and it really, | 0:28:58 | 0:29:01 | |
it kind of clings to the back of your throat. | 0:29:01 | 0:29:03 | |
It's a horrible chemically generated smell. | 0:29:03 | 0:29:06 | |
Whenever you go to someone else's house, | 0:29:06 | 0:29:08 | |
and if I go into the toilet in someone else's house | 0:29:08 | 0:29:11 | |
and there's air freshener, I always think, "Is this always here?" | 0:29:11 | 0:29:14 | |
Or is this, "Oh, Frank's coming round, we'd better get some air freshener." | 0:29:16 | 0:29:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:29:20 | 0:29:21 | |
But this is, without doubt, | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
the worst-smelling air freshener I have ever smelt. | 0:29:24 | 0:29:27 | |
This is macaroni cheese. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
Can you just pass that on, because if anyone likes that, | 0:29:32 | 0:29:35 | |
I will be stunned. Just try that. | 0:29:35 | 0:29:37 | |
Oh! That's absolutely disgusting. | 0:29:37 | 0:29:42 | |
Is that one of the worst things that... Oh, John! | 0:29:42 | 0:29:45 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:29:45 | 0:29:47 | |
I don't know how much you're doing to break down | 0:29:48 | 0:29:50 | |
your stereotypical image tonight, John. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:52 | |
These are weird things, these are rose-scented moustaches. | 0:29:55 | 0:30:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:30:00 | 0:30:01 | |
And the idea is that you stick them on your side window, | 0:30:01 | 0:30:04 | |
I think is the normal place to put it, and I think the idea is, | 0:30:04 | 0:30:09 | |
if you're involved in road rage, they don't spot you afterwards. | 0:30:09 | 0:30:12 | |
So, if you're going... | 0:30:13 | 0:30:16 | |
Let's imagine I'm out driving | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
and somebody cuts me up, I'm driving, someone cuts me up, right, | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
so what I do is, I get the air freshener. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:24 | |
So you put that, you put the air freshener on the window and go... | 0:30:24 | 0:30:28 | |
HE MOUTHS SILENTLY | 0:30:28 | 0:30:30 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:30:30 | 0:30:31 | |
Who would have thought of moustache air fresheners? | 0:30:37 | 0:30:40 | |
It doesn't make any sense at all. | 0:30:40 | 0:30:43 | |
OK, let's have a look at John's choice. | 0:30:43 | 0:30:45 | |
It's the old school tie. | 0:30:50 | 0:30:52 | |
This tie, it communicates to people in our society, doesn't it, | 0:30:52 | 0:30:56 | |
which school you went to. | 0:30:56 | 0:30:58 | |
You can have an ordinary tie, but for the people who use it | 0:30:58 | 0:31:01 | |
to identify that they're of higher status than you | 0:31:01 | 0:31:04 | |
because I went to a certain school, or a certain university. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:08 | |
And it's the tie that indicates that. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:10 | |
But we go much further. I was filming for the BBC on class and I went to Henley, the boating weekend, | 0:31:10 | 0:31:15 | |
to watch it and observe it, and when you | 0:31:15 | 0:31:17 | |
see guys about 65, 70, going around with a Just William hat on | 0:31:17 | 0:31:21 | |
of a certain colour, a blazer with God knows how many different colours in it, | 0:31:21 | 0:31:25 | |
but the indication is the school you went to. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
The class you belong to. | 0:31:27 | 0:31:29 | |
And in Britain, probably more than anywhere else, we do that. | 0:31:29 | 0:31:33 | |
And this is a symbol of that. I hate it. | 0:31:33 | 0:31:35 | |
OK, well, I suppose I've always, | 0:31:35 | 0:31:37 | |
I mean, I come from a working-class background, John, and I've always been... | 0:31:37 | 0:31:41 | |
I suppose, slightly envious of the old public school education. | 0:31:41 | 0:31:45 | |
You know what I mean? I'd like to have had a go at Quidditch. | 0:31:45 | 0:31:49 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:31:49 | 0:31:50 | |
I'll never know if I could have been good at that. | 0:31:51 | 0:31:55 | |
No, I suppose my point is, John, that it's very tempting, isn't it, | 0:31:55 | 0:31:58 | |
if you're from a working-class background to just hate the posh. | 0:31:58 | 0:32:02 | |
And I like to think, you know, | 0:32:02 | 0:32:03 | |
to try and find if they, you know, if there's something | 0:32:03 | 0:32:06 | |
lovable about them, not to just be dismissive, not to... | 0:32:06 | 0:32:10 | |
Well, just to take a serious point, 7% of our kids go to independent schools. | 0:32:10 | 0:32:15 | |
They take 60% of all the top jobs, that's because you've got the right tie. | 0:32:15 | 0:32:19 | |
Now that's not right, is it? | 0:32:19 | 0:32:20 | |
OK, well, I think, rather than despising the posh, | 0:32:20 | 0:32:24 | |
we should see them as figures of ridicule and fun. | 0:32:24 | 0:32:27 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:32:27 | 0:32:28 | |
You do need a way, though, Frank, | 0:32:28 | 0:32:30 | |
to pick out your old school friends, don't you? | 0:32:30 | 0:32:32 | |
If I'm at a party and I look around and I see people in overalls | 0:32:32 | 0:32:36 | |
and prison uniforms, I think they might have gone to my school. | 0:32:36 | 0:32:39 | |
On the subject of ties, by the way, this is a tie, | 0:32:39 | 0:32:44 | |
this is commercially available, this tie. | 0:32:44 | 0:32:47 | |
It has an inflatable section on the end and the idea is that if you're | 0:32:47 | 0:32:54 | |
on a journey and you get a bit tired, you can use it as a pillow. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:58 | |
Something fabulously practical about that. | 0:33:01 | 0:33:04 | |
OK, let's have a look at Micky Flanagan's wildcard. | 0:33:04 | 0:33:07 | |
The countryside. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:13 | 0:33:15 | |
I hate the countryside. | 0:33:19 | 0:33:20 | |
It's just, what do you do there? | 0:33:21 | 0:33:24 | |
People waffle on about it, | 0:33:25 | 0:33:27 | |
"Oh, you should spend some time in the countryside." | 0:33:27 | 0:33:29 | |
Why? What, to walk about? | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
I don't feel like murdering anything. | 0:33:32 | 0:33:34 | |
You know, and the people there, | 0:33:34 | 0:33:37 | |
they're always waffling on about traditions | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
and how the city people don't understand their way of life. | 0:33:39 | 0:33:43 | |
"Oh, you don't understand the land." Oh, don't I? | 0:33:43 | 0:33:46 | |
Oh, you plant things, things grow, | 0:33:46 | 0:33:48 | |
you cut them down and then we eat 'em. | 0:33:48 | 0:33:51 | |
Oh, I think I might have cracked it, hold on a minute. | 0:33:51 | 0:33:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:54 | 0:33:55 | |
You know, and it's just, and it stinks and all. | 0:33:55 | 0:33:59 | |
I go for long walks in the country and I like the fact you can just go | 0:34:01 | 0:34:05 | |
to the toilet when you want to go to the toilet. | 0:34:05 | 0:34:08 | |
You have to wait till it's dark in the city to do that. | 0:34:08 | 0:34:12 | |
It gives you a fabulous dog-like freedom. | 0:34:14 | 0:34:17 | |
I was on a walk in the Lake District, this is true, | 0:34:17 | 0:34:19 | |
and I saw a thing called an "honesty box". | 0:34:19 | 0:34:22 | |
What it was, it was a table with a box on it and in the box | 0:34:22 | 0:34:26 | |
there was things like cans of pop, chocolate bars, crisps | 0:34:26 | 0:34:29 | |
and you took them out and you just left the money in a tin on the side. | 0:34:29 | 0:34:34 | |
Can you imagine trying that in London? | 0:34:34 | 0:34:37 | |
No, because you'd be standing there with your chip and pin. | 0:34:37 | 0:34:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:34:41 | 0:34:43 | |
OK. Well, look, the best way of deciding this country dispute, | 0:34:47 | 0:34:50 | |
because I think there's something special and different and mystical | 0:34:50 | 0:34:53 | |
about the country, I thought we'd have some representatives | 0:34:53 | 0:34:57 | |
of the country and you can compete with them at what they do best. | 0:34:57 | 0:35:02 | |
I'd like to bring on Joe and Ben, who are two members of the Shin Kicking Association. | 0:35:02 | 0:35:07 | |
Please welcome Joe and Ben. | 0:35:07 | 0:35:10 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:35:11 | 0:35:13 | |
Hi, guys, you are shin kickers? | 0:35:20 | 0:35:22 | |
Yes. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:23 | |
And I believe, Joe, you're the world champion shin kicker? | 0:35:23 | 0:35:27 | |
-That's right, yes. -That's... | 0:35:27 | 0:35:29 | |
Are you on shin kicker's list? | 0:35:29 | 0:35:31 | |
I might be, yes. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:35:32 | 0:35:33 | |
So could you, could you give us | 0:35:34 | 0:35:38 | |
a quick demonstration on how does shin kicking work? | 0:35:38 | 0:35:41 | |
-OK. -Right. -Right. | 0:35:41 | 0:35:42 | |
The idea is to get your opponent to the ground... | 0:35:44 | 0:35:46 | |
-OK. -..by kicking his shins away, as hard as you can. | 0:35:46 | 0:35:49 | |
-OK. -Do your worst. -Ow! | 0:35:49 | 0:35:52 | |
So you kick from side to side. And to the front. | 0:35:52 | 0:35:55 | |
And Ben can have a go as well if he wants. | 0:35:55 | 0:35:57 | |
I'm all right. | 0:35:57 | 0:35:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:35:58 | 0:36:00 | |
You have a bit, you have... I hate to stop you, | 0:36:06 | 0:36:08 | |
but you have a bit of straw down there, don't you, so... | 0:36:08 | 0:36:12 | |
We have a bit of protection these days, yeah. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:14 | |
Yeah, so, Micky, we've prepared you some, some straw shin pads. | 0:36:14 | 0:36:19 | |
So if you'd like to slip... | 0:36:19 | 0:36:22 | |
BROAD ACCENT: "Arh, let me put them on." | 0:36:22 | 0:36:24 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:36:24 | 0:36:25 | |
You're just winding them up, you know that, don't you? | 0:36:25 | 0:36:28 | |
-There you go. -"Good you on, Frank." | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
Are you sure about this approach, Mick? | 0:36:35 | 0:36:37 | |
Someone get in touch with Injury Lawyers For You a bit later on. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:41 | |
I'm going to get bundles out of this. I'll show you boys how to operate. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:45 | |
I have been to the countryside, I really helped your economy out once. | 0:36:47 | 0:36:51 | |
Oh, no, look... | 0:36:51 | 0:36:53 | |
No, I did, I bought a cream tea for £17.50. | 0:36:53 | 0:36:55 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:36:55 | 0:36:58 | |
-So right, OK. -Grip the shoulders like that. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:07 | |
You have a free few hits so you get used to it. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:09 | |
-Then you're going to kick me up in the air. -Well, if you want to. | 0:37:09 | 0:37:12 | |
Oh, come on, do it properly, man. | 0:37:14 | 0:37:16 | |
Now see, I don't think that's right! | 0:37:16 | 0:37:19 | |
Come on! | 0:37:19 | 0:37:21 | |
-Want me to show you how to do it properly? -Please. -Right. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:25 | |
Ow! | 0:37:28 | 0:37:29 | |
-Then with the left. -It's all right, yeah, he's proved his point. | 0:37:29 | 0:37:33 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:37:33 | 0:37:35 | |
Well, what about a big hand for Joe and Ben? | 0:37:39 | 0:37:42 | |
CHEERING | 0:37:42 | 0:37:43 | |
So, Micky, I can't, I'm not going to let the countryside in, | 0:37:50 | 0:37:53 | |
because I think it is a mystical and wondrous place. | 0:37:53 | 0:37:56 | |
And I must admit, Rebecca, I am against air fresheners, | 0:37:56 | 0:38:00 | |
but I don't think it would be quite fair to say that | 0:38:00 | 0:38:03 | |
I'm more against them than I am against social inequality. | 0:38:03 | 0:38:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:38:06 | 0:38:07 | |
So I'm going to put the old school ties into Room 101. | 0:38:08 | 0:38:11 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:38:11 | 0:38:12 | |
OK, that brings us to the end of the show. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:23 | |
Well done, John, you were the most persuasive guest, so you are this week's winner. | 0:38:23 | 0:38:28 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:38:28 | 0:38:29 | |
And, as you've won, | 0:38:34 | 0:38:36 | |
you get to put one choice completely unchallenged into Room 101. | 0:38:36 | 0:38:40 | |
So what will that be? | 0:38:40 | 0:38:41 | |
End the title "Lord", | 0:38:41 | 0:38:44 | |
chuck it into 101 and let's be finished with it and just be | 0:38:44 | 0:38:47 | |
called "Mr," along with the other names you might get as well. | 0:38:47 | 0:38:50 | |
-So you'll never be called Lord again? -No, get rid of it. -OK. | 0:38:50 | 0:38:53 | |
-Are you still all right with Gruffalo? -Gruffalo... | 0:38:53 | 0:38:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:38:56 | 0:38:58 | |
OK, "Lord" goes straight into Room 101. | 0:38:58 | 0:39:00 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:39:00 | 0:39:01 | |
So, thank you very much, Micky Flanagan, John Prescott and Rebecca Front, | 0:39:04 | 0:39:08 | |
and thank you, goodnight. | 0:39:08 | 0:39:09 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:39:26 | 0:39:28 |