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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101.
The show where three guests compete to get their pet hates
exiled for ever to the dark vault that is Room 101.
They'll have to argue their case well
because, in each round, only one item can be chosen.
The final decision is mine.
Let's meet this week's guests.
Joining me tonight are remarkable man, Nigel Havers,
remarkable nan, Catherine Tate,
and remarkable tan, Rylan Clark-Neal.
I'll take it.
I'll take that.
Let's get ready to grumble. LAUGHTER
And let's see what's winding up Catherine.
Minimiser bras. Now, look, I've got quite big boobs,
and it's very difficult to find bras that are...
sort of, nice and sexy looking, when they're holding up boulders.
And when the Wonderbra sensation came out,
the ladies with the opposite problem got this great invention,
Wonderbra, because Wonderbras get your boobs,
push them up - like this -
and, aptly named,
because I tried one on...
I did wonder.
I wondered where my face had gone, for a start.
Now, someone's had the temerity...
..to bring out a bra that says to ladies with big boobs,
"Not only have you got to diminish them,
"we're going to make them... this piece of underwear
"you're very unlikely to find a partner, anyway.
"And if you do, it'd be much better if you kept your anorak on."
And the way they do it,
I don't think they've quite worked it through,
is they've obviously gone,
"Look, what we'll do is... get your boobs,
"shove them under your arms."
-And that's how they work.
So although one could argue
you get a slightly flatter profile,
makes it very difficult to wave!
Cos your boobs are, like, under there!
Like, "Hi, how are you?"
I'll be honest with you now.
Did you not know they existed?
I did not know they existed.
So I've researched the minimiser bra.
I have some bullet points, but, um...
I dare say it'll flatten those out.
"A minimiser bra does not reduce the size of your breasts -
"it minimises your breast projection.
"Instead of pointed breasts,
"the minimiser bra changes the breast shape to a more firmly held mound."
Yes - under your arms!
Yes. Isn't that what President Kennedy was shot from?
"The cup shape is designed with a wider diameter
"and a shorter projection,
"your malleable breast tissue is flattened
"and moved more under your arms,
"towards your centre cleavage,
"up your chest and down towards your waist."
It's, sort of, the...
It's the socialist ideal of the redistribution of assets.
-We have a picture of you on the town, just...
-..just to illustrate.
-What do you mean?
Oh, my God!
WOLF WHISTLES FROM CROWD
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
-Take it off!
-You look great.
Take it off!
-Take it down!
-OK, take it down.
I think you look... I think it looks fantastic.
I think it looks fantastic.
This is the thing - most men think that women should dress like that...
going to Sainsbury's. Don't you?
-If that photograph of me is a good thing,
cos I was definitely not wearing in minimiser bra in that shot.
-No, I wasn't.
But, the worrying thing was, I wasn't wearing a Wonderbra.
What were you wearing?
There was just two very short men stood underneath me,
holding them up, that they've cropped out of the top.
I'm not condemning anyone who wears a minimiser -
I wear minimiser pants.
I don't. I don't, actually.
Do you remember, about a year ago, there was this mad phase of the...?
It was called the "pen boob challenge," on the internet.
Is it, you have to put your boob up
and, if you can hold...?
-Yeah, a pen or a pencil under it.
I'll give you a fairly...
That's quite a daring photo for you to put up there.
-Another one of mine.
This woman just took it a tad further.
Another one of yours?
It's like a Dyson Halloween campaign.
what's winding up Nigel?
CHEERING AND JEERING
It's, of course, nothing personal.
He represents a lot of politicians
who pretend to be one thing...
And he's the worst offender at this, in my book...
He pretends to be one thing, when, in fact,
he's something completely different.
He says he's a Labour...you know...
but, in fact, he's a Marxist.
-We know that.
I'll explain what it is after the show.
For instance, he doesn't agree with sugar,
but he makes jam.
How's it going so far?
He said, "I'm going to be new, I'm going to have...
"I'm going to lead the party, it's the end of...
"of politics as we know it.
"It'll be kind politics."
Kind politics? Have you seen the party he runs?
-It's in ruins at the moment...
-Well, I think it's...
..and I'm a Labour supporter, in many ways.
-Are you all right?
-Don't send me a curveball, Nigel.
However many people say, "You're not fit to run this party,"
he's not going to move aside,
which I think is a little selfish of him.
Well, he does keep getting voted in
by an enormous majority of the membership.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Can I just say, my mum said I would never end up on Newsnight
but, Mum, I'm really close!
I can imagine you ending up on Newsnight as a topic.
I mean, I'm not massively shocked
-that you've chosen Jeremy Corbyn.
-Well, you know, you're Nigel Havers, for goodness' sake.
If you'd chosen cravats, I would have been gobsmacked.
He doesn't preach what he says.
You can't say, "I'm home making jam,"
then you say, "I don't agree with sugar."
What the hell is that all about?
I'm surprised this is the policy you've picked on.
Let's bring us all in,
because I've got another thing that makes me love Jeremy Corbyn.
And this is a...
I mean, they love a photo opportunity,
don't they, politicians? That's one of their things.
They're holding a child,
they're standing next to some...
But this is one of my favourite politician photo opportunities.
-That's one of my favourites an' all.
-He's got your vote.
He's not gone, "No, I'm not going to...
"I'm not going to not expose myself...!"
He said, "I'm not going to not take this photo."
If you look at that, that is the face of a man
who's aware of 200 years of British comedy tradition.
He knows he's holding comedy in his hands there.
This is what he said about this photo opportunity
when asked about it.
"His was a pathetic little banana,
"and I have got a massive marrow."
Well, one thing I like about him
is he's spent a lot of his time, I think,
in smoky rooms, in council buildings and stuff like that,
and now, suddenly, he's been thrust on the main stage,
and he isn't always as slick and professional as he could be.
On one of his first major speeches, for example,
they read from an Autocue,
so they have the speech going up on a screen,
and you get the occasional stage direction on there
and the idea is that you're not supposed to read those out.
We need to be investing in skills,
investing in our young people,
and, strong message here...
-..not cutting student numbers.
-Actually, I find that quite endearing, actually.
-Yeah, me, too.
-I do, I have to say.
-There's been so many flashy, slick politicians,
I like the fact that he wears sandals and socks.
He's like... Well, he's probably not a breath of fresh air, but...
We have a picture of him in his...
There's the sandals.
It did make me think though,
he's got sandals, like Jesus,
he's got a beard, like Jesus,
he's got the same initials as Jesus...
..and, like Jesus, his friends call him Jezza.
-It's only the jam thing that separates them.
Let's find out what is winding up Rylan.
Low ceilings, Frank.
As a man...
..I am six foot three, six foot four,
-depending on what boots I've got on...
..and every day is a struggle for me.
Whether I'll be, you know, walking along the road,
there could be a branch.
Whether I'm on a plane...
That is a self-portrait, of myself, on the screen now.
But, more importantly,
I feel that I have a constant groove in the top of my head
I've had to have the doorframes in my house raised.
-Because it just don't work.
Especially when the hair's up.
Have you considered...
Frank, I don't consider it,
-I am a professional ducker!
I duck morning, noon and night.
But I don't enjoy it.
I just... I don't.
And the worst one, as much as I love meeting people,
but it's when people ask you for the photo.
-Because I stand up, and they're there.
And their accomplice, who takes the photo,
is also there.
So, to not look like this in a photo...
..I have invented the lean and dip,
Catherine, can I borrow you a second?
So, if you come over... See, you're not too bad, actually.
If you come here for me...
and I'll come this side and I'll do this.
This leg goes to the left and I'll do that out the shot.
So, it looks like...
but I have to lean out,
and you can vouch - you have to take my body weight.
Yeah, so they've got to do their core strength.
It's every day.
It's beautifully done, that, I must say.
Thank you. I've practised for a while now.
Just the geometry of it, I enjoyed.
I mean, could you just add more gel?
-Like...the top deck of a bus.
Let's talk about the top deck of a bus.
It all goes on on the top deck of a bus.
That's where you want to be on a bus, you know?
-You're right, though. You're right.
-Do you know what I mean?
I mean, I'm not going to lie, I've not been on a bus for years.
I'm being serious.
If I wanted to get on a bus, I'd want to get on the top deck...
..but I'll get up them stairs,
and I'll probably be three away from the top,
and that's it.
So, the next step is that.
The step before the actual floor is that.
And then, when I'm actually on the top deck, I'm like that.
It's hard. It's tough.
You try doing that when it's moving.
I mean, I've give half of London lap dances,
I really have.
What you really need is a tourist bus,
then you can stand fully.
Yeah, but then it rains, then the hair. Oh, it's a drama.
-You don't want your face to run.
Believe me, it's run many a time.
Generally, would you say it was a plus, in life, to be tall?
At a concert, it comes in handy.
-Changing light bulbs?
-Light bulbs are fine.
You can never really enjoy a maze.
-Would be my guess.
I did go... I remember...
I can't even... A good few years back now,
I went to, like, a holiday site...
down in Devon, we had a lovely time,
and there was this, like, sort of, amusement-y park,
Fun in the farm, whatever it was called.
And they had this maze and it was like a hedge maze,
and I've never been in a hedge maze,
but I always find it quite exciting,
-the thought of a hedge maze...
-..because it's hedges.
-Do you know what I mean, though?
As a child, you think, "Oh, hedge maze!
"What's in the middle?"
And I could tell you what was in the middle
from the gate at the front of the park.
Can I tell you something? You're six foot...three?
Six foot three, yeah.
My son, who is four,
got a certificate for swimming two metres,
less than you.
Anyway, I feel your pain, I must say.
Well, you can physically feel it, if you want.
I've got that little ridge.
I'm not going to feel your ridge, I'll trust you on it.
And I sort of think that the minimiser bra
goes against everything I believe in.
..I'm not going to put in...
I knew you wouldn't.
You argued your case well, but I think he is a breath of fresh air.
Good, I'm glad.
I'm beginning to agree with you.
But I think that the case that has moved me the most,
and has made me....
emotionally involved with the argument
has to be Catherine,
so I'm going to put minimiser bras into Room 101.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, girl!
So, what is...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
My choice is shops at airports.
-To start with,
they call themselves "duty-free shops" -
there's nothing free about them at all.
I know for a fact that,
if I buy something in a duty-free shop at the airport,
it's going to be more expensive
than buying it at the high street at home. That's the first thing.
And secondly, they make you snake through endless, endless shops.
You're trying to get to the aeroplane.
I find it just so frustrating
and it's full of things you don't want to buy
cos you're going on holiday anyway!
The whole thing is a barrage
of people trying to make money out of you.
It's expensive enough flying anyway.
You don't want to spend any more money.
Why can't the airport just be an airport
where you can just fly to where you want to go?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'll admit the duty-free is a strange shop indeed.
It's, sort of, chocolate, cigarettes,
It's like a, sort of, Loose Women theme park.
And they sell these...
This is the most peculiar thing, is the whisky in a box.
Why does that exist?
I mean, it's not like...
You know when you get guys on waste ground
drinking out of brown paper bags,
is it the sort of...?
You never see anyone on waste ground drinking out of one of these, ever.
And is the idea that, if...?
You know, you've had a bottle of whisky at home in the evening.
Maybe you don't drink the whole thing.
We've all had nights like that. Quiet nights.
When you're halfway down and you think,
"I've had enough now for tonight,"
do you actually put it back...in the box?
Is that what one does?
Do you two shop at the airport?
I LOVE shopping at the airport.
-Yeah, I love an airport shop.
-I love an airport shop.
But now we've had Brexit,
does that mean that we get the cheaper price at the airport?
No, more expensive.
Oh, what's the point?
It's a very late reaction, if you don't mind me saying.
You're still buying something
that's going to be slightly more expensive than it is back at home.
And also, you've got hand luggage -
what, you're going to add more to your hand luggage?
And then the planes don't even let you have them.
-No, they don't.
-Then, they're like,
"You've got to put it all in one bag."
It's like, "You could've told me that
"before I just spent 300 quid in TK Maxx at the airport!"
Nobody's ever spent 300 quid in TK Maxx.
What did you do, buy the company?
All I'm saying is, basically, the airport, now, is a shopping mall,
which happens to have, in one side of it, some aeroplanes parked up...
-..to take you somewhere.
But, basically, it's a huge shopping mall.
I'll tell you what really annoys me
about the airport shops at duty-free -
everyone likes to buy a little aftershave
or a perfume at the airport, it's what you do. Right?
It's what you do.
But why sell 120ml bottles of perfume...
..for 50 quid?
And you think, "Bargain, I'll take it."
You fly out to Spain,
you put a bit on, "Oh, I smell lovely."
Come back to Malaga airport,
"No, can't put that through, 100 mls."
All these security, airport security,
they must be lapping it up.
They could open a small branch of Boots!
-He's not just a pretty face.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I've been trying to tell you.
You can if you check it.
-Yeah, but sometimes you just have hand luggage.
-Come on, Catherine, you've got about.
-No, I always check a bag.
-Oh, no, I can't be doing with that.
Oh, I always do.
-What, you mean...
-I have someone fly ahead with my luggage.
I like to take back a gift for my partner if I've been away
and I tend to get them at the airport...
-Foolish! Foolish man.
-..20 minutes before...
But then, her face, when she says, "Oh, Frank.
"Another European plug adaptor."
It really moves me.
I never dream of buying one anywhere else.
I-I just... I always forget it.
I've got about 19 at home.
I'll show you what I did.
I actually... Are you familiar with Battersea Power Station?
We have a picture in case you don't remember it.
There it is. I actually made one out of two European plug adaptors.
Oh, look at that!
That's what I do with my spare time.
So, what is upsetting Rylan?
This really winds me right up.
Set-up paparazzi shoots.
Obviously, I'm lucky enough, now, to work in this industry
and I love my job.
I, personally, don't like having my photo taken,
but what really winds me up is
when I do my job on certain other shows
where I'm talking about, maybe, a bit of gossip that's going on
and stuff like that, and I've got to say,
"Oh, did you see this picture of so-and-so in the park,
"working out, full face of make-up?"
Or someone looking sad.
Someone looking sad, sitting by the river,
"Oh, so-and-so since break-up looking sad by the river."
That's a bit of a worry, isn't it?
Looking sad by the river?
-You would think it was a worry..
they're sitting there going, "Have you got that shot yet?"
"You got that shot yet?
"Lovely, let's go out and have a nice bit of chicken."
I hate it!
And the ones that really wind me up are the working out ones.
The working out ones.
Like someone, you know, had a little bit of weight,
and now they've lost the weight to get the DVD.
And then it's like, oh, you know,
they're just randomly in the park in a sports bra,
their hair's been done by a hairdresser,
up in a high ponytail, you know, perfectly straightened,
eye make-up, smoky eyes, heavy lip.
No-one goes to the park with a heavy lip and a high pony.
Well, in the days when I was a bit more of a tabloid figure,
a popular Sunday newspaper offered me and my girlfriend, at the time,
they offered us a free week's holiday in the Caribbean...
-Here you go.
-..if we'd agree to be photographed,
-just for an afternoon...
-On the beach?
-..frolicking on the beach.
I think they wanted me to frolic, unselfconsciously,
-with a beach ball...
-..which I have never done in my life.
And they said, "We'll give you a free holiday,
"all we want is just those few shots
"and look as if you don't know we're there."
Yep, totally agree.
And that happens every single day.
And do you know what makes it even worse?
When they do it themselves.
So, like, I don't know, let's say "Mary," for argument's sake...
Mary was on a reality show, work's dried up a bit,
don't really know what she's going to do next.
Ring old Pappy Pete up.
"Let's go down Southend seafront,
"I'll get a bag of chips,
"and we'll make out a seagull's attacked me."
And I speak no lie, a few days ago,
I saw a news article with a certain person
who was attacked by a seagull...
holding a bag of chips...
-..in work-out gear with a heavy lip and a high pony.
We have a picture... Now, how much of this is accidental,
and how much of it is, they absolutely know what's going on?
This is Orlando Bloom
-and Katy Perry...
-I think it's called a paddle board thing.
-That's a well-known shot that, isn't it?
It's become a famous shot.
I feel sorry for Katy Perry
cos, for me, it's a big story - a picture of Katy Perry in a bikini.
And she has, you know...
-It's like on a wedding, it's the bride's day...
..whereas I feel there are three people in this marriage...
..and, if you look at her face,
I don't think she knows what's going on behind her.
I think she thought that was
the beak of a playful dolphin at her back.
Definitely, the last time she looked behind, he was wearing pants.
I'd like to know how he's managed to stand up
and get a pair of pants off on a paddle board.
Now, I don't know if you saw the original of this picture...
Of course, I've seen the original of this photo.
I thought you might have. Let's put it this way,
he's not in any trouble if he loses the paddle!
We have a similar... a sort of a twist on this.
This is Richard Branson.
-That's not real. That's not real.
-That is real!
That is real!
-And he again looks like he might not know she's there.
You know what it's like, though, when you leave the house,
and you've got... There's a naked woman and your haversack on the sofa,
and you're not looking, you just put it on and off you go.
He's going to be reaching back for his sandwiches
and thinking, "Hold on!"
Do we know who she is?
Well, I think it could be a sort of sexy Gollum.
OK, then, what's winding up Catherine?
Hipster restaurants, yeah!
Look, here's one example, right?
There is a restaurant, I won't say where it is.
The spelling of this restaurant is A-X-E.
What would one normal person assume the name of this restaurant is?
It's not called Axe, do you know what it's called?
So, a normal person would go in
and say, "Can I have the Axe burger?"
And they look at you as if you've...
..dug out their mother's innards...
put them between two slices, and chomped into it,
because, they'll go, "It's Ah-shay."
And it's up-speak as well,
because everyone answers you with a question.
"It's actually ah-shay."
"As in, what? As in, shove it up your ar-shay?"
To be fair, as long as they pay their tah-shays!
As an example of this in this country, there is a...
There's a restaurant in East London...
called Cereal Killer...
-..which sells breakfast cereal.
And it's run by twins, in fact.
Hipster twins, I'm going to call them.
Here they are.
It looks as if somebody has sprinkled magical beauty dust
on the Hairy Bikers.
As long as it's fun, that's OK.
But in a lot of hipster restaurants, it's not fun, it's like a religion.
And it's almost like you're being judged.
Yeah, I don't like the coolness, but I do like the gimmickry...
I love anything that makes food exciting.
For example, I have an advert featuring - get this -
a SpongeBob SquarePants talking, drinking straw.
That is my idea of dining out,
and these kids - do they love it or do they love it?
STRAW TALKS, CHILDREN YELL
STRAW TALKS, CHILDREN YELL
STRAW TALKS, CHILDREN SCREAM
Is that... Oh, that's... I love that. That's so funny!
Yeah, I think it's good to combine your market research with lots of E additives.
I do like the gimmicky ones, because I'm not a big...
I don't love eating. I'm not that interested in food.
-And so, I like it...
I remember I was on a drip once, I loved it.
-Oh, it was great.
You know, I didn't have to get anything on my teeth,
I didn't gain weight.
I just... I didn't have to worry about it, it was just there.
I miss it, I'll be honest with you.
Hipster coffee shops, as well, that's a worry for me,
because I'm not a coffee connoisseur,
but I do like a little bit of coffee,
and a lot of frothy milk.
But there are some coffee shops where to go in and say,
"Could I get...?
"Please could I get a latte, but just one shot of coffee?"
And they'll say, "No."
"No, we cannot let our coffee leave the shop
"unless it's got two shots of coffee in it."
Cos it's below their coffee moral code...
..to leave the shop.
Which makes me want to run to the nearest Starbucks
-and kneel at their altar.
And I'll get it really quickly, they'll call me by my name
and, if I don't like it, they make it again.
I don't mind all this hipster stuff, I'm sort of open to it,
I'm a bit like, "Yeah, you want to put a burger in a pizza box
"that's brought in on a wheelbarrow, I'll have a go."
But, before, pre-beard, pre-beard life...
..I received my coffee in said establishment
that we enjoy together, and it said, "Lady in blue top."
So, obviously, I pick it up, and I look around,
-for the lady...
..and then I look down...
..and realise I'm the only person in the shop in a blue top.
So I go back to the person that took my order
and said, "Sorry, is this...?
"Is this the right one?" I said,
"Cos it says, 'Lady in blue top.' "
-And he went, "No, madam, that's yours."
I'm afraid I need shops at airports, Nigel, because...
-..I do a lot of last-minute gift buying.
-I have to get my European plug adaptor.
I'm going to try and put you off doing that, because you're paying more.
I take that as an argument but, to be honest, I'm not short of a few bob.
I like the...
I take the coolness point about hipster restaurants,
but I do love the madness of them,
and the fun has just won it through for me.
But the set-up paparazzi shot, it is a tragic part of modern life.
It really is.
I don't mind the paparazzi so much
but to actually come to a deal, that can't possibly be right, can it?
-And if it's upset you, a man I see at the very centre of...
pop culture... LAUGHTER
..then it really can't be right,
-so I am going to put set up paparazzi shots into Room 101.
OK, we've just got time to hear one bonus choice,
so let's see what Rylan goes for.
People that don't say "thank you" at zebra crossings
should be eliminated.
Is this when you're driving and you stop for them?
It's when I'm driving, or if I'm lucky enough to be driven.
I fume. I've thrown coffee out the window...
that says "Lady in blue top".
I've gone absolutely mad.
But I'll tell you why it really winds me up.
I'm the sort of person,
if I'm in the wrong I'll still go, "Sorry!"
You know, it's quite a British thing to do, isn't it?
And at a zebra crossing, when someone crosses the crossing,
-I still go...
-When you're driving? Oh, OK.
-Yeah, even when I'm driving.
But I'll tell you what it is - it really winds me up
and it's always wound me up,
because about a year ago,
my mother and my father-in-law,
they live in a very small village and it's really village-y,
there's a pond, you know, little post office
and a church - it's really lovely.
And once, I was driving into the village
and there was a duck...
standing on one side of the zebra crossing.
And I'm not one of them that would just run a duck over.
I'm not. And I swear to God, I stopped,
this duck crossed the zebra crossing
and as it crossed, lifted a wing.
And I stayed at that zebra crossing for about a minute
and watched this very aware duck...
waddle off to the pond, jump in and do what it does.
And from that moment on,
I always think,
if that duck can raise a wing,
and say thank you,
why can't you?
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
We have a picture of... I think this is my favourite picture
of what I would call a zebra-crossing smile.
Can I say I don't approve of testing fake tan on animals?
You'd be too young to remember the panda crossing.
-Do you remember the panda crossing?
This was a sort of experiment in the '60s, but this was the shape they went for to represent the panda.
Rubbish representation of the panda.
What's the difference between a panda crossing and a zebra crossing?
I think the idea was that you could stop in the middle if you wanted to,
which to me is not a big advantage.
-I mean, how many people think, "Well, I don't want to cross the whole road...
"but I wouldn't mind having a look, a closer look at that side."
A little mosey in the middle.
Yeah. Do some people get to the middle and think,
"No, I don't think so."
Are you familiar with the Pegasus crossing which still exists?
Are these real things?
I swear to it!
The Pegasus, named after the mythical winged horse,
is for horses to cross the road.
-And - I'm not making this up - there's one outside Buckingham Palace, unsurprisingly.
And they have a green horse to say you can cross.
They've gone to the bother of changing it from the green man
to the green horse.
We have one.
-Why have they bothered with that?
Because if the green man comes up,
the horse is not going to look back and say, "I think this is you, isn't it?"
So, when you are crossing a zebra crossing,
what kind of gratitude do you show?
I'll always stop, look,
and then when they pull up,
I'll then look again, ask if they want a photo,
and then I'll bend...
I was hoping that you might do something like this to show your gratitude.
And then the driver goes...
Oh, it's lovely, Rylan. I love that clip.
Well, look, the truth is it doesn't matter what I think.
-It's your bonus choice, Rylan, and so it's going into Room 101.
And that brings us to the end of the show,
strong message here... Well done...
Well done, Rylan, you were the most persuasive guest,
so you are this week's winner.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So, thanks very much, Rylan Clark-Neal,
Catherine Tate and Nigel Havers.
And thank you, goodnight.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE