Episode 6 Some Girls

This programme contains strong language.

# There's a million things That I could change

# But, baby, it's all right

# Cos this is my life This is my life, this is my life. #

Mmm, tropical paradise prom!

It's going to be so lovely, golden sandy beaches,

parrots flying through the trees...

You know it's in the school hall, right?

Yeah, but they're going to transform it into a tropical paradise.

It says "tropical paradise" on the poster, in capitals,

so it will be a tropical paradise.

I hope they get some of them massive turtles.

What's up with Charlie's gang? It looks like someone's going to smack someone.

-Well, if anyone knows the signs, it's you.

-It's limo rage.

They can't get their hands on a limo in time for the prom.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

They've all been booked out for months.

You lot are so lucky you've had me as your prom co-ordinator.

Ours was fully booked and paid for 18 months ago. Oh, yeah.

We are very grateful for all you've done, Amber.

There's a lot more work still to do.

-Can we just brainstorm tans a minute?

-Brainstorm tans?

Yeah, for my spray tan.

What do you reckon to this colour?

-VIVA GIGGLES

-What the fuck?

-This?

-Again, what the fuck?

This.

I mean, it's supposed to be tropical.

-Nice. Roast beef colour.

-Mmm. I'm hungry.

Look, Saz, over there, it's Gabriel.

It's really weird. If he likes me, why doesn't he talk to me?

He doesn't know that you know he gave you a 10 out of 10 for hotness in that experiment.

I'm going to ask him.

He could be my date for the prom.

If he wants to go prom with you,

find out what he's wearing so you can co-ordinate.

It's important.

And Saz, be tactful, be subtle,

don't just come straight out and ask him.

Hey, Gabriel.

Hi.

Heavy bag. That bag you're carrying looks really heavy.

What you got in there, a dead body?

SAZ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Just joking, why would you have a dead body in there?

You're not a murderer, are you? Though how would I know?

-I guess if you was a murderer you'd be keeping that information on the down low.

-I'm not a murderer.

So!

-You're in Viva's psychology group.

-Yeah.

-Do you like psychology?

-Yeah.

-Did you give me a

-10? What?

In that experiment you and Viva did, rating people out of 10, did you give me a 10?

We kind of eliminated everyone else, it's this big mystery,

who is the strange person who gave Saz a 10

and could he be her perfect date for the prom?

Sorry, I'm probably being scary, aren't I?

No, don't go.

I did give you a 10.

-I think you're amazing.

-Me?

Really? Amazing?

In what way? I mean, it's always nice to hear the details, isn't it?

I'm kind of putting you on the spot now, aren't I?

-But what about me is so amazing, exactly?

-You're different.

Different. You mean weird?

-No, I just think you're interesting.

-Interesting.

You mean weird.

You're kind of...aloof?

Aloof?

-Am I?

-Yeah! And, and gorgeous.

So yeah, you scored a 10.

-PHONE RINGS

-Sorry.

Hi, Mum. Yeah. No, no, I won't forget. I've got to go.

-Do you want to go for some chips some time?

-Definitely, yeah.

Yeah, no, all right...

Aloof!

With her date, Gabriel, Saz walk into the prom, aloofly.

When?!

We need to talk.

Jess Carter's got chicken pox.

Oh, poor Jess. That's such bad luck.

One day she's got a perfect complexion

and is about to be crowned Prom Queen,

the next she's an infected polka dot mess who's ruined it for the entire school.

You do know it's not actually her fault.

Jess was heading up my decorations team for the prom committee.

-Oh, no. Anna, I'm really late...

-And I need to replace her...

Well, I'm really late for, um, something.

I need you to do this, Viva. Prom is only a few days away.

-No! I don't want to.

-I told your dad you were helping out.

Ah, he's so proud of you stepping up.

I'm not stepping up!

I'm stepping away.

Away from you!

As fast as I can!

If you don't do this, the prom will be a disaster

and you will have ruined everybody's special day.

Wow. That is low.

Oh, I can go a lot lower than that.

Don't forget, I'm your boyfriend's boss.

Fine! I'll do it.

-What's the budget?

-Ah, there's been a bit of glitch with the budget.

I've had to spend shitloads on security.

After the Winter Wonderland when Benjamin Wheeler trashed the Snow Queen's palace

and tried to stab his ex with an icicle, I'm not taking any chances.

I've got six guys from G4S in hula skirts and it don't come cheap.

So what's the budget?

I can give you 20 quid.

20 quid?

You can't even get your nails done for 20 quid.

Though, if you promise you'll go for a drink with the manager, you get the staff discount.

-I don't know what to do.

-If you give me a tenner,

-I can get you any amount of coconut and pineapples from Fruity Fred from the market.

-Tropical fruit?

-That's actually not a bad idea, Holli.

-Give us the tenner, then.

Yes! I've done it.

I've done it.

-I've got all the money.

-For the pineapples?

-For the pawn shop,

-to get my mum's jewellery back. Before Dad gets out.

-Yay!

-What about my coconuts and pineapples?

-I'll get them free off Fruity Fred.

-When's your dad coming out?

-Five days' time.

-Tomorrow I'll get back the jewellery and when my dad comes out...

-Aw!

He'll see her in all her rings and bracelets and stuff.

Yeah, she likes to wear 'em all at once. Though she don't half rattle.

-Well done, Holli.

-Go, Holli.

-You worked so hard for this.

It's not just about the jewellery.

When my dad comes home...

I don't want him to know how bad things got.

-HOLLI SNIFFLES

-Are you OK?

She's crying.

-Is anyone else surprised Holli's mum's jewellery is worth anything?

-Saz!

-Do you reckon her dad stole it?

-Ssh!

HOLLI BLOWS HER NOSE

# La la la la la la la

# La la la la la... #

So, how long have you been thinking I'm amazing and aloof?

Ever since I noticed how shiny your shoes are.

-I think you and me are the only people left who clean our shoes.

-Yes!

How do people manage to live their lives in dirty shoes?

I just don't know.

So if you think I'm so amazing, how come you never talked to me?

I study violin and piano.

I'm the 9th best junior cyclist in the UK

and I've just taken four A-levels.

There's been no room for girls.

Not even girls with shiny shoes.

So, you're some sort of uber boy.

And you like me?

I'm pretty normal, really.

It's just I've got a pushy mum who makes me do stuff. Too much stuff.

What about this Friday?

Will you go to the prom with me?

Well, my mum wants me to stay in and study for my violin exam,

-but maybe I could...

-Come on, it's your prom!

Also, me and my friends have got a massive pink limo.

-It's going to be sick. You can come with us in our limo.

-A limo?

I've never been in a limo before.

You should see it, two flatscreen TVs, amazing sound system,

crystal glasses, leather upholstery

and there's a spectacular lighting system.

-You're not epileptic, are you?

-No.

It sounds incredible.

I'd love to come with you.

Put it in your diary. You don't want to forget.

But I need to talk to my mum first.

Don't let a bossy woman ruin your life, Gabriel.

You're coming, it's settled.

Aw, that is sad.

Someone's pawned their saxophone, it's like they've traded their dreams for cold hard cash.

Cold hard cash is better than dreams any day.

Oh, my God, there's so much!

Yep, £600 of lovely, lovely money.

-Can I touch it?

-Sure.

-Can I smell it?

-Yeah.

AMBER SNIFFS

-It smells a bit of KFC.

-There was a sauce leakage incident in my bag.

-Oh!

-Can I hold it?

-No.

-Well, can I take a picture with it?

-OK.

-Let's take a selfie.

-You're an idiot.

-It even tastes a bit of KFC.

-That's enough.

-No licking.

-OK, but one more, I want to look sexy.

Urgh!

It's going to look so rubbish.

My star decoration is a paddling pool

pretending to be the Pacific Ocean.

-Most people's just going to get loaded before they get there, they ain't going to care.

-Rocky!

People will care.

I'm going to be really honest with you, Viva, the guys will not care.

-The guys just want to touch a girl's breasts.

-That's so cynical.

There are lots of boys going who want to celebrate their school achievements.

I'm going to share some secret boy wisdom with you now, Viva,

the guys want to celebrate by touching a girl's breasts,

-and if they're lucky, move on to her vagina at the after party.

-Rocky!

It's true! You know I'm coming after party, right?

I don't want some drunken school boys near my fiancee.

You'd still be a schoolboy too if you hadn't dropped out.

Yeah, but now I'm a worker.

I'm an earner, I'm a man.

A man who needs to remember to buy more nappy rash cream before the shops shut.

What's all this shit?

Jeez, is this shit supposed to be tropical shit?

Rocky, please tell Miss Hitchcock

that if she'd like to take over the Prom decorations

that would be great.

-Tell her!

-Seriously?

You want me to do that thing where you pretend you can't talk directly to her and I have to repeat it

-and then she replies back to me and then...

-Tell Viva this stuff looks like a health hazard.

-Tell Miss Hitchcock that I need a budget...

-Tell Viva...

-DOORBELL

-You guys are doing this wrong! You have to wait for me to say it!

HOLLI WHIMPERS

It's all my fault! It's all my fault!

-Holli's lost all her money and it's all my fault!

-Amber!

-What happened?

-We got mugged.

We was doing selfies with the dosh

and we was holding a big bundle of money

-and, one minute and the next it was gone.

-All of it?

Except for £10.

-HOLLI CRIES

-I'm really sorry, hon.

Poor Holli.

Why was you taking photos?

For Instagram! It was my stupid idea!

Holli tried to catch the mugger but he was too fast

and when she realised she couldn't catch him,

she started banging her head against the window of Carphone Warehouse

and then she started making that King Kong noise she makes when she's really upset.

You can see the mugger's hand in this photo.

Urgh. Look at his dirty, horrible finger nails.

You got 812 likes on Instagram.

812?

Really?

Already?

That does make me feel slightly better.

DISTORTED SOUND

Holli.

We had a whip round.

-We got £80.

-You could get a bit of the jewellery back.

-Before your dad comes out?

-Your mum's wedding ring?

Don't talk to me, Amber.

This is all your fault, you and your stupid selfies!

I wish this coconut was your head!

I'm really sorry, Holli.

I bet your dad won't even notice she hasn't got her jewellery on.

And if he does, he won't even mind.

The important thing is he's coming out.

-Viva, shut up.

-Sorry, I was only...

-You think you know everything. You don't know what's important for MY family.

-Let's go.

I think Holli wants to be alone with her coconuts.

Are those my coconuts, Holli?

-Cos I do still need them for prom.

-Have 'em.

Have the fucking coconuts, I still need to pick up the fucking pineapples!

-They're all a bit rotten looking.

-How do you think I got them for free?!

-Can you two help me get these back to my flat?

-I will.

I can't. I've got to go high street. I'm getting my spray tan done.

Can I have a go with a coconut?

Just one.

How can you miss a whole building?

RUMBLE OF THUNDER

Step six.

Mmm, do something complicated with the leaves,

wait for leaves to dry.

Oh! Hi, Anna.

It smells terrible in here.

-What is that smell?

-Glue?

My sweat? Ingratitude? Rotten pineapples?

It's making me gag.

-I made a palm tree!

-Oh, yeah, a tree. Cool.

-How many are you going to make?

-Well, this took me about three hours so...

It's going to look pretty unimpressive on its own, Viva.

-Probably need about 20 to make any impact.

-20?!

-More if you like.

I'm going to have an early night.

BUZZING FLIES Urgh, all this rotten fruit's attracting flies.

You wanted a tropical atmosphere.

Nothing says tropics like a cloud of flies.

25 five palm trees would be great.

Fuck your stupid palm trees.

Maybe 30.

Hey, Dad.

-What's that?

-It's a stupid palm tree for a stupid prom.

Palm trees aren't stupid.

They give food,

they give shade,

they hold up hammocks.

The world would be a better place if we were all a bit more like a palm tree.

Are you on something?

I did inhale a lot of chemicals at that last kitchen fire.

Silly woman.

Her love of tequila slammers

and deep-fried Mars Bars is going to be the death of her.

That's, that's a good palm tree.

It's palmy.

Tree-y.

Do you really think so?

It reminds me of Jamie, when he dyed his hair green.

If I had a beer, I could totally believe I was in the Seychelles.

Aw, Dad.

You're just saying that...

Hang on, that's your way of asking me to get you a beer, isn't it?

It's good to see you and Anna collaborating on these prom decorations.

There was a time I thought you would never hit it off.

You must be really stoned on kitchen chemicals.

We're not working together.

-She's a monster.

-But Anna loves you.

-No!

-Dad, she hates me.

-You're just tired.

Come on.

She can stick her 30 palm trees up her rear end.

She's so weird, she'd probably like it.

That's better.

-Dad must've done it.

-Ah, that explains it.

They're actually quite good.

You had one job, book the limousine, and you messed up.

Our limo's a ten-seater and there's only four of us.

-Maybe we can invite them all to come with us.

-What?

And then tell them it was a big joke.

Hey!

What's up with your face?

-Ah, does it notice?

-No.

-Yes.

-I look like I've got a skin disease, don't I?

-Yes.

-No.

-Is this what lepers look like?

-Definitely.

-No.

But on the plus side you're so well camouflaged no-one will notice you.

It rained on me. I'm being punished for what I done to Holli.

This'll cheer you up, Amber - Charlie's been going crazy again.

They're all blaming each other for not sorting their limo.

Mify slapped Macy so hard, one of her false eyelashes flew out

-and embedded itself in Madonna.

-We are lucky

we had you to organise us, Amber.

It feels good to know that one thing is going to be perfect.

ARGUING

Unless, the three of us, for Holli's sake...

to raise money for Holli...

-No.

-..make the ultimate sacrifice.

-Viva, no.

-You mean...

-Yes, Amber.

-Become prostitutes.

-No!

-No!

She's talking about selling our limo hire to Charlie's gang.

It's the obvious thing to do.

We could raise money for Holli, and if they're desperate

they will pay top dollar to get their hands on our limo.

I'm not doing it. In fact, I'd rather be a prozzy.

-Sell our limo hire to Charlie? What?

-Yes, Amber.

Make some other arrangements to get there or get my dad to drive us if he's not working.

-Or if we're really stuck, get the bus.

-The bus?

-Yes, it's a perfectly acceptable way of travelling.

-In our gowns?

With our hair done? And our high heels? And our make up all perfect?

Get on the stinking horrible bus with some crackhead

and his crack pipe and his Mighty Bucket of Wings?!

-Yes. It needs to be a group decision.

-I'm not doing it.

And I'm not doing it, so it's two against one,

so that's that, the group says no, let's change the subject.

-Hang on a minute.

-I'm not changing my mind, Viva.

The only reason Gabriel is coming to the prom with me is the limo.

I told him all about it. He's really excited.

If we haven't got the limo he's going to dump me before anything even happens.

Amber, it might make you feel less guilt about losing Holli's money.

Guilt's not that bad. It's just a feeling.

It's not a great big, long, pink car.

Remember Holli's poor little face as she smashed those coconuts

against the wall pretending they were your head.

-Yes, but...

-Don't listen, Amber. She is trying to get into your head and mess with your mind.

Don't worry, Saz, she won't. Mentally, I'm like Fort Knox.

Holli worked so hard for that money. And now she's in bits, broken, gutted, her life in ruins.

I just don't know what's going to become of her now.

And it's pretty much all your fault.

But you could make it right.

Shut up, Viva.

ARGUING

I do want to make it right.

Why have you always got to interfere?

It's called doing the right thing.

-Yes. I wanted to do the wrong thing.

-I bet someone will give us a lift.

Well, if we are going to throw away our one chance to

arrive in style and show everyone in this school how amazing we are,

plus destroy my relationship with Gabriel

then I will be the one to do the negotiating.

-Fine.

-So we're selling our limo hire?

-Yes, Amber.

-Ohhh!

-Weirdo alert!

-What?

Don't stand too close to us we don't want to catch weird-itis.

Oh, OK, I was going to tell you about a limo that might be available,

but if you're going to be rude...

-No, wait, wait.

-Nah, I don't want to do business with you.

-I think we'll keep that lovely limo for ourselves.

-Saz, please?

-I'm sorry.

-You're a total bitch, aren't you? Say it, Charlie.

I'm a total bitch.

Yeah.

So easy - had 'em over a barrel.

They're paying twice what we paid. We can give Holli all the money.

I love you, Sazzy. That's brilliant. That's amazing.

I want to change my mind. I want the limo back.

-Can we have the limo back?

-No.

-No.

-Ohhh...

You missed leavers' assembly.

-Didn't feel like seeing anyone.

-We brought you this.

-There was one too many.

-I don't want it.

Holy shitting fucking shit.

-I need to go pawnshop. Now.

-We'll be your bodyguards.

-So, have you decided what you're wearing to prom?

-Yeah, about that.

-Remember I said I needed to talk to my mum?

-Yes.

-I'm really sorry, Saz, but I can't go.

-No! This can't happen.

You can't dump me before we've even had a proper date.

I'm not dumping you. And we're kind of having a date now.

It's the limo hire. You found out that we haven't got the limo.

God, why did we sell our limo hire? Why?

-I don't care about the limo.

-Of course you do.

Who wouldn't want to travel in a 23ft-long pink car

with a party pole installed in it? No-one.

I don't know what a party pole is.

It's a pole in the middle of the car.

You can do pole dancing as you go along.

-I wouldn't want to pole dance.

-Not you, me!

I didn't mention it before - I was saving it as my big surprise.

-I would've been very surprised.

-Got my routine down.

-You wouldn't believe how tight my core is.

-Actually I would.

I know what's going on! You're going with Charlie, aren't you?

Course I'm not. This is about my mum - she's says I've got to

-stay home and practise for my violin exam.

-Your mum?

Yeah. I told you, she's pushy. And a bit scary.

-Why don't you just lie to her?

-I don't really do that.

I do. All the time. My parents think I'm national schools judo champion.

-I can't lie.

-It's easy, you just say you've sprained something.

It'd have to be my bow wrist or even just a finger.

That's irrelevant. I can't lie.

-Way to destroy my fairy-tale ending.

-Saz!

-Goodbye, Gabriel.

Good luck with your violin and your cycling and your piano

and your A-Level results.

And good luck finding a girl who puts up with your mum bullshit.

I guess I wouldn't be lying if I really did have a sprained finger.

-But you haven't.

-Haven't I?

CRUNCHING Owwww!

Oh, my God!- That is so romantic.

-You must really like me.

-I do.

-And this means you can come to the prom.

-And I won't have to lie to my mum.

-I'm going to teach you how to lie,

so you won't ever have to hurt yourself again.

-Probably also have to get you trained in Photoshop.

-I think it's broken.

Aaagh!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...

PROM DAY!

-It's finally here...

-And I have a date! Woo-fuckin'-hoo!

Hoo-fuckin'-ray! Hoo-fuckin'-hoo! You-fuckin'-me! Me-fuckin'-you!

-Gabriel Hart! Gabriel Hart!

-Are you drunk, Saz?

-I'm drunk on love, guys.

More like vodka and cherryade.

Right, a quick run-through of my Five Hours To Go check list.

-When do we put our outfits on?

-Do you mean gowns?

Because if you mean gowns, not for four hours.

Do we have to call them gowns?

Yes, we do, Holli, because I'm chief prom princess

and my rule 27 was that we call our dresses gowns

and when I sent you the terms and conditions you all ticked accept.

-OK, so five hours to go, what's next?

-Leg check.

-I'm going to check for smoothness.

-Jesus! Really!

Viva, eight out of ten.

Holli...

-Ooh, nine!

-Get off me.

Saz.

Oh, Sazzy,- this stubble will ruin the line of your gown

and be a potential snag hazard for any passing sequins.

KNOCKING

-Who is it?

-It's me with your delivery.

-Come in

-. Bacon sarnies for the prom princesses.

-Right on time.

-Thank you, Rocky.

-And there's also someone to see you, Saz.

-Do you like it?

-I love it.

Thank you.

My legs feel funny.

Now he's got to go. Rule 68, Saz - no male visitors.

I've got the best boyfriend.

Ever. Hic!

I want to look like a hot Medusa with serpents coiled

around my head, twisted and twined like some crazy powerful goddess

of kinky sex, cos something tells me I'm going to get lucky tonight.

-She wants it up.

-I want it down. I want it sexy.

And she wants it done in less than 15 minutes or there won't be time for my hair.

I want to look like this. That's how it looks now.

Yeah, that's how I like it. I want to look like myself.

She likes looking boring.

OK, first, have you seen Rapunzel?

Never mind - I've done a moodboard. Rocky! Moodboard!

I'm thinking soft, elegant curls. My headpiece, please, Rocky.

I've got a job I need to do now, Amber.

My hair should take about an hour so as long as you're back by then.

Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a disaster.

What's wrong?

-A page got stuck.

-Did we forget something?

Still got two hours to go. We've still got time.

We were meant to start a fitness routine six months ago.

We all forgot to lose a stone and get fit and get plenty of rest.

Have a Smirnoff Ice.

Oh, my God, you're all bloody? Are you OK?

-I'm fine, it's all good.

-Have you been in a fight?

-Do NOT get blood near the gowns.

-Chill.

-They're in the wardrobe

-I looked at Amber's Instagram,

the selfie you took of the mugger's hand.

He had a tattoo - of a scorpion, between his thumb and his finger.

I spoke to Matt, from Matt's Tatt Shack, where I got my ink done, and he knew who it was.

I went over to his place and scared the living shit out of him.

Your dad kind of helped. And we got your money back.

Now who's got the best boyfriend?

First up, Miss Saz Kaur,

looking incredible.

And may I introduce to you Miss Holli Vavasour, looking amazing.

Nice gown.

-Miss Hitchcock, are you crying?

-She is crying.

I'm not crying, you idiots. I'm allergic to pineapples.

I think we all are now.

Next up, Miss Amber Dean, looking stunning.

-How much did all that cost you?

-About 1,000 altogether.

That's more than some wedding dresses.

This is more important than a wedding dress, Saz.

I might have loads of weddings. But I'm only ever going to have one prom.

And now, finally,

may I present to you Miss Viva Bennett looking totally beautiful.

-And very, very shaggable.

-Rocky!

I'm very proud of you girls.

-What do you think, Jamie?

-About what?

-About Viva, of course.

What about Viva? She going out or something.

-They're going to a prom, you idiot.

-Oh, prom. That stupid prom thing.

It's just one big pointless consumerist jizz-fest.

OK.

They look quite pretty.

For lesbians.

Jamie Elijah Martin Luther King Bennett,

they look like fucking supermodels.

Even Saz. And you know it.

OHHH! It's time to go!

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

-The car won't start.

-OK. Don't panic.

Nobody panic. Nobody panic and nobody cry.

We're not going to cry, Amber. There's always buses.

Do not say buses. If you say buses I will cry

and I can't cry cos I've got all my make up on.

-Seriously, babe, is there no way?

-It's dead.

AAAAAGHHH!

(Please don't make me take the bus.)

MUSIC: Eez-Eh by Kasabian

# It's gonna be fine

# It's gonna be fine

# It's gonna be fine... #

-Have a good time, girls.

-We will, Dad. We will.

# People keep sayin' that we're doin' it wrong

# But I'd say it feels all right

# I really do try really do try really do try

# There's a million things I can change

# But maybe it's all right

# This is my life, this is my life, this is my life

# People keep saying you're doing it wrong

# People keep saying you're doing it wrong... #