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KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
-You aboot ready? -I am a baw-hair away fae perfection, Jack. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
Here. Ye hungry? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
Fancy a wee sandwich? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:48 | |
A wee sandwich, aye. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
As long as it's no' turkey. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
It's turkey, in't it? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
Aye, it's turkey, aye. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:57 | |
Hmm. Jack, think it's aboot time we were parting company with that fella, d'you no'? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
Aye. It's nigh-on abuse, in't it? | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
It's done. We'll just have tae accept it. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
I've got a better idea. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
# Aww, the lid came off the Roses, aww, the lid came off the Roses... | 0:01:13 | 0:01:17 | |
# And we tanned them in small doses... | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
-# When the lid came off the Roses. # -Youse in? -Heh? Oh! | 0:01:20 | 0:01:24 | |
What's aw the singin' aboot? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Hello, Isa. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
-Would you like a chocolate? -That'd be lovely. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
Help yersel'(!) | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Where's Winston? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
He's, eh... | 0:01:38 | 0:01:39 | |
-He's in the... -I'll tell ye where he is. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
He's in ma lavvy emptying his guts, the dirty pig. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
Ergh. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Smashin'. Ye cannae beat a good, big, hearty Hogmanay shhhh...Isa! Hello. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
Aye, see? Ye nearly embarrassed yersel' there. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
In aw the years, I've never done that. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
Done what? | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
Saved up a big dirty number two and drapped it aff at a pal's hoose. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
-It's the height of ignorance. -You live across the landing. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
What should I dae? Go tae my ain hoose when I'm needin'? | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Ye've stunk the whole place oot. It's a pull-through wi' a Christmas tree you're needing! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:11 | |
Shut up. It's New Year. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Oot with the old... | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
Isa, sit doon, darlin'. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
C'mon, get a sherry. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
Right, well. We'll tan these and get over tae Tam's, eh? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
Don't see why not. Nae rush. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
-Oh, that's lovely. -First of many the night. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Here's tae us! All the best. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
Here, I never telt youse. I bumped intae Betty Traynor. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
They're getting new heating and everything. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
ALL: Better get up there, eh? | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
I'll get this. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
-Too many people. -Four? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
Four's too many? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:07 | |
No, it says maximum eight. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
-Or 1200lbs. -Aye... -Don't start. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:13 | |
I'm the lightest I've been in five year. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
Aye, well, you're ten pound lighter after usin ma lavvy! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Here we go noo. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
S'opening again. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
That's it shutting. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
Oh, here, that's it open again. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
-Yes, we can see that, Isa! -Right, let's go. Use the stairs. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
No way. It's Isa's bag. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
-Will you get in the lift, woman? -Press it again, Jack. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:40 | |
Oh, that would be a fine start to the New Year, eh? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
Stuck in the bloody hoist. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Youse would love that, wouldn't ye? Stuck in here wi' me gabbing away like a budgie. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:52 | |
Youse would strangle me! | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
Oh, Charlie. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
No, we're full up here, son. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
What we'll do is go down to the bottom and send it back up, OK? | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
-It hauds eight. -Aye, I know that, Charlie, but... Right, OK. You're in. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
Press ten. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
One floor? Could ye no' have just walked doon? | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
Naw. Oops. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
That's awright, son. It's ma foot. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
-Sorry, pal. -Nae worries. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
It's rubber. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
-Ye wantin' a wee chocolate, son? -Aye... | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
Keep 'em coming! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Away, that lazy, fat bastard. One floor! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
-Did you call me a fat bastard? -No, just wished you all the best when it comes! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
That was close. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
-What's that now? -Oh, naw! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
-Whit's happening? -That big balloon's broke the lift. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
-Oh, my God! -Don't panic, Isa. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
Help is at hand. Excuse me, Jack. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
Hello? Hello? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Eh, that's no' working just noo. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:09 | |
-ISA GIGGLES -What's so funny? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
There's me jokin' away aboot getting stuck in the lift and we actually are. At New Year! | 0:05:11 | 0:05:17 | |
-Help! Somebody! -Hello! | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
Hey, hey, hey! | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
Calm doon! It's Hogmanay, in't it? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
People are oot and aboot, gaun' places. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
In a couple of minutes somebody will realise this lift isnae working | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
and they'll phone an engineer! | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
Aye! | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Let me get this right. There's a lift engineer sittin' by the phone, | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
and he's thinking "Ooh, it's Hogmanay. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
"What'll I dae? Will I go out and get pished wi' ma engineer pals, | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
"or will I sit here like a walloper by the phone, just in case that lift in Osprey Heights goes aff?" | 0:05:45 | 0:05:51 | |
Face it - we're stuck. We're going naewhere. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Aye, but yer modern lifts aren't about engineers any more, are they? | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
They're automatic. Electronic. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Wi' yer central switches and aw that. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
When yer lift goes off it knows that it's off and that's when it kicks up. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
-Like what? -Sensors and that. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
And diodes and you've got the dampers... | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
-Shut up, Jack. -Right. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:14 | |
Here, Jack. Want a beer? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
-Aye, OK. Smashing, yeah. -Smashing. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:27 | |
Drinking! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
# Love in an elevator! Livin' it up when I'm going down! # | 0:06:37 | 0:06:42 | |
How long's that been now, Jack? | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Two hours and 20 minutes. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
Haud on, that's us now. Get your haun in there. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
Oh, here. We're between floors. That's a start. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:06 | |
Hello, is anybody there at all? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Hello! We need help here! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Nae way, man! C'mere till you see this! | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
What youse daein' in there? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Gonnae have a New Year party? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
Listen, could ye go doon and get somebody to help us? | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Cannae go doon, man. The lift's aff. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
We understand that. Just wondering if you could run doon the stairs and get somebody to help us. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:32 | |
Cannae run doon aw they stairs. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Not when you're oot your tits. Stairs freak ye oot, man. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
-Do either of you have a phone? -I've got a phone, man. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
Could you phone the Fire Brigade? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
Oh, right. Are youse oan fire? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
-Gonnae just phone them, son? Please? -Haud on the noo. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
Cannae phone, man. You can only phone if your top-up is aw topped up. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
But I've no' topped up ma top-up. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
So ye cannae get talkin' oan it. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
I dunno what that means. Ye cannae help us? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
-Gie's a tenner. -For what? -Tae help you. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
You listen tae me, ya wee tadger! | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Ten quid, man. Ten quid buys your freedom. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
Och! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
-Here. Gie him that. -Square you up later on. -Just gie him it! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:19 | |
There you are. Go on. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
Feechees. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
-Sorry? -Feechees. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Yes. Feechees to you, too. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Are you helping us or what? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
Naw. A tenner fae each o' youse. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
40 bloody quid, eh? | 0:08:36 | 0:08:37 | |
There you are. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
Right. Here how it's gonnae work. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
We've got tae go tae a party. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
-We'll be there tae, say... -The morra morning. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Aye, deffo. Morra morning. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
There's usually somebody that gets rolls...milk. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:56 | |
If we see an engineer, we're gonnae totally mention tae him that youse are stuck in here. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:01 | |
Haud on the noo. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:04 | |
Youse any other tenners on ye? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Away you go! You've had the lot aff us, ya wee waster! | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Aw, that's cheeky, man. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Totally cheeky. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
There wis us gonnae help ye, tae. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Do you know, in all the years I've been living up here I don't think this lift's ever been broken? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:41 | |
Aye. They've always been good. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
-Aye. -Good lifts? | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
-Youse two must have Alzheimer's. -Eh? | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
When did you move here? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:49 | |
When did I...? Eh... 1970... '70... | 0:09:50 | 0:09:54 | |
Five. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:55 | |
Aye. '75. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
You remember yer first Hogmanay then? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
Aye! | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
Wow. What's that smell? | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
That, my dear, is FIST. The essence of man. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:15 | |
Mmm. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
That's something! | 0:10:17 | 0:10:18 | |
Isn't it? | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
You know what? I wish we didnae have anyone coming round tonight. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:26 | |
Oh aye? | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
So they didnae need to smell that. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
C'mon, Betty! | 0:10:32 | 0:10:33 | |
That wasnae cheap stuff. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
That cost me three and a half quid! | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
-It's weird, isn't it? -What's that? -Being in a new hoose. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:42 | |
Aye. It's strange. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
-You've got it lovely though! -By the way, the lift's aff. | 0:10:45 | 0:10:49 | |
You're jokin'. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
There's no way people are gonnae climb 14 flights to come to a party! | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
Stop worrying. They'll be here. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
MUSIC: "That's The Way I Like It" by KC & The Sunshine Band | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
-# That's the way, uh-huh-uh-huh, I like it... # -DOORBELL | 0:11:17 | 0:11:21 | |
You're all right, sweetheart. I'll get that! | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Jackie, ma man! Jean, doll! Come in! | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
Lift's knackered. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:31 | |
I know. Murder, eh? | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
Jesus, Victor. You've landed on your feet here! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
This is like Hugh Hefner! Done aw this in two days? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
Aye. Bedroom's still full of boxes. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
Gie's your coat aff you! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Aye, there ye go. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:50 | |
Excellent! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
Aw, whit? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
Oot. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
What? | 0:12:03 | 0:12:04 | |
The shirt! The tie! You're going to have to change. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
You change. I'm no' traipsing awe the way over the estate tae change a daft shirt! | 0:12:06 | 0:12:11 | |
People will think we're a couple of woofters! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Shut up! It's only a shirt. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Am I getting a drink? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
Right. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:19 | |
Oh ho ho! Sweet, Vic. I like that. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:30 | |
Get that doon ye, Jack. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
Place is looking dynamite! | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Come and see this. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Oh, that's fantastic. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
-What colour's that? -Avocado. -Avocado? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
It's like something out the Modern Homes Exhibition. I've never seen anything like that! | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
Great, eh? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Incredible. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:00 | |
KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
Who's ready to party? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:10 | |
Woah, Winston, who are all these people? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
Look. You're new to Craiglang, in't ye? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
You don't know anybody, so I brought people. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
Want tae meet some nice people? Friendly? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
That's what it's all about, man! | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
-I don't know them. -Ye will by the end of the night. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
Relax. It's a party, for God's sake. Eh, up! | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Jack! She'll go off her nut! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Who wears the flares in this hoose of yours? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Anywhere to put our coats? | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
-Aye, aye. I'll take them. -Right - just through by there... | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
Jack! Gie's us a haun wi' this. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
Where did you get that? | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
Well I, eh...ah...you know? | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
No, I don't know. Where did ye get it? | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
-I stole it fae the back of the Clansman. -Ye can't bring it here. Get shot of it. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:58 | |
I've just humped this up 14 flights. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
If you want rid of it ye'll have tae throw it out the window. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
LIFT BELL PINGS | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
Nearly burst oot greeting, it was that cheap. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
You jammy bastard! | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
Lifts back on? | 0:14:12 | 0:14:13 | |
-It would appear so. -Who's this? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Eh? Oh, this is my pal, Tam. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
How ye doin'? I'm Tam, Winston's pal. I live at 47... | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
-Go and get a drink. -In you come, darlin'... | 0:14:26 | 0:14:30 | |
-Hello there. Mr McDade, in't it? -Victor, darlin'. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:37 | |
What's so funny? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:38 | |
Nothing. I just never realised you were on the same landing as Isa. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:44 | |
That's a belter, right enough. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
-How? -Well. How do you put this without being rude? Erm... | 0:14:46 | 0:14:51 | |
Allow me. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
She's the nosiest poke-nosed gabshite in Craiglang. No offence, darlin'. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
-Is that you having a few pals roon' for the bells? -Yeah. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
-Wee party? -Aye. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
-Wee housewarmin'? -Mm-hm. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
Shindig? Wi' a keg of beer? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
-Mm-hm. -That's nice. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
We'll not be makin' much noise, love. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
I don't mind noise, not if folk are enjoying themselves. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
We just sit up at the bells. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
Harry and me. Reading. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Listen, why don't you...? | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
JACK COUGHS | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
Sorry. Why don't you and yer man...? COUGHING CONTINUES | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
What is that you're daein'? | 0:15:36 | 0:15:37 | |
Just trying to get the lid off this keg of beer. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
But it's... no' happening! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
-Why don't you and your man come across? You're more than welcome. -Aw, we'd love to. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
Harry! That's us! | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
Aye. Christ. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
We had it aw in front of us back then, eh? | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
Not a care in the world. Those were the good days. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
What ye thinking aboot, Isa? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
Just thinking where this one-legged, pot-bellied, red-faced bastard | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
gets aff calling me "The Nosiest poke-nosed gabshite in Craiglang"! | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
Aye. You're right, Isa. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
Sorry. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
I was way aff wi' that, wasn't I? | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Anyway. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
-We've got a situation here. -What ye talkin aboot? | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
Well, you've had one can each, right? | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
And I had four. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:44 | |
You're a greedy bastard, what else is new? | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
-I'm choking for a Lillian Gish. -Naw, naw, naw, naw, naw. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
-You can haud it in. -I've been haudin' it in, Victor. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
They days are away. Isa, I'm sorry. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
Avert yer eyes. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
Wait a minute. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:00 | |
Are you planning on daein' it in here? | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
Aye. I'm burstin'! | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
What, and we've tae wade aboot in it, are we? | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
-Ma back teeth are floatin' here. -Pee in an empty can! | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
-Naw, I cannae! I flattened them aw. -The bag the cans were in! | 0:17:09 | 0:17:13 | |
Haud on a minute. Two holes in it. What is it with Tesco? | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
What do they put they holes in the bags for? | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
It's to let your groceries breathe or if a bottle of shampoo opens | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
it doesn't knacker the rest of yer stuff. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
-It could be bleach! -That's plenty, Jack. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
Isa. Empty yer handbag. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
He's no' daein' a pee in my good handbag. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
You're not thinking straight! | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
It's got to be contained. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
You're wearing open-toed shoes! | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
Why don't ye just dae hauf a pish? | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
That'll take the pressure aff. Buy ye a bit of time! | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
What do you mean - hauf? | 0:17:45 | 0:17:46 | |
Start daein' it and nip it haufway through. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:50 | |
It's no' ideal, But it'll keep the mess doon. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
Right. OK. Isa, stand well back. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
Here goes. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
I cannae dae it. I cannae dae it wi' youse looking at me! | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
Problem solved. Put it back in yer troosers! | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
Wait! | 0:18:11 | 0:18:12 | |
Haud on. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
DRIBBLING SOUND | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
Aw! Here we are now! | 0:18:16 | 0:18:17 | |
Awww! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
Right, Winston. Start thinking aboot nippin' it. Come on! | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Aw, mammy, daddy! | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
I cannae nip it, the rabbit's away. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
Ah, Jesus! | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
What a bloody... | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
This is like Tenko! | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Oh, that was smashing. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
-Sorry aboot that. -That's dynamite, in't it? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
When the engineer does come, aw he's gonnae find is four pensioners swimmin' in pish! | 0:18:48 | 0:18:53 | |
I'll no' claim that. I'll say it was her. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
Ow! | 0:18:58 | 0:18:59 | |
-What ye laughin' at? -Her. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
Staunin' behind her door in her full party frock waitin' on ma invite! | 0:19:10 | 0:19:15 | |
Oooh. Do you know who we forgot came? | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
Can I help ye? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
HE SPEAKS PUNJABI | 0:19:24 | 0:19:28 | |
Wait a minute... | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
You seem to be at the wrong door. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
HE CONTINUES IN PUNJABI | 0:19:32 | 0:19:37 | |
-We are having a party. -Party? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
Party! | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
You are at the wrong door. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
This door is a bad door for you. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
This door no good to you. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
You. Need. Different. Door. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
He. Victor. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:01 | |
Me. Victor. This. Victor Door. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
You. Door. Other. Place. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
Tam. Tam. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
Aw, Tam... No. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
-This No Tam Door! This... -Haud on, Jack. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:19 | |
Tam! Tam! C'mere! | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
What? Oh, Navid! Meena! | 0:20:22 | 0:20:26 | |
He's got the shop noo. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
I told him it'd be awright to come along. S'awright, in't it? | 0:20:27 | 0:20:32 | |
-Aye. Come on in. -Aye, come on through. Come. Through! | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
So what is it you do, Erin? | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
I'm a nanny. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:47 | |
A nanny? | 0:20:47 | 0:20:48 | |
But I don't really like children. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
No. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
Are you a granda yet? | 0:20:53 | 0:20:54 | |
No, but I've got one boy. He's a nyaff. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
Must be happy, eh? | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
It's kicking aff noo. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
Eh? | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
I'm sayin' ye must be made up. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
New hoose. New pals. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
New Year. Magic! | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
Aye, it's magic, Jack. It's magic! | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
-Have ye tried these? -What's that? | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
Heaven, my friend. Paroka! | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Paroka? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:22 | |
Is it spicy? | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
Them an' aw. Have ye tried them? | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
-Smozas! -Nah, you're all right. -Ye dunno what you're missin'! | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
Ease up, Jack. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
You're gonnae dae yerself an injury. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
Here. Ho! | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
These are lovely. Did yer wife make these, eh? | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
Oh, aye! | 0:21:43 | 0:21:44 | |
Paaaarokaaaa! | 0:21:46 | 0:21:47 | |
I never thought for a minute I'd be audited. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
These things are supposed to be random. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
But I've got this competitor, ye see? I know he's called and put them onto me. | 0:21:55 | 0:22:00 | |
So I have the last laugh, cos it turns out they owe me 300 quid! | 0:22:00 | 0:22:06 | |
You... Are... A... | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
Bawbag. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
Aw, Jesus, aye. The pakora. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
-Cos you, eh... -Aye... Then you and I, er... | 0:22:25 | 0:22:30 | |
Aye. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
-You're a good mover. -Yes, I am a good mover. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
I love the dancing. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
See me and the dancing? I'm dancing daft. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
See these legs? I should have them insured, like Fred Astaire. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
I don't know what I'd dae if I couldnae dance. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
See if I lost a leg or something? Shoot me. Boof! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
Shoot me dead. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
I'd be nothing without ma pins! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Ho! Get yer ain paroka! | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
-No, thanks... -Haud them for me. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
Here! | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Betty! Fancy a wee dance? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Aye, Jack, I'll dance wi' ye! | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
Right. Noo put it all together... | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
You're daein'...ma box in... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
ya dobber. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
-Isa! -Hello, Harry. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:29 | |
Cannae imagine one of they drinks is for me, is it? | 0:23:29 | 0:23:32 | |
-Of course it is. -Since when do I drink Martini? | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
-That drink's for the lassie wi' the big knockers. -Her name's Erin. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:41 | |
We're just talking, love. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:44 | |
She's very nice. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
She's a nanny. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
She's a bit o' nanny and that's aw you're interested in, ya dirty pig! | 0:23:48 | 0:23:52 | |
Isa, you're drunk. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
What's the matter, Harry? | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
Am I not sexually attractive any mair? | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
Have I no' got lovely knockers? | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
Are these knockers no' your cup of tea any mair? | 0:24:02 | 0:24:07 | |
-When was the last time we did it? -Come on, Isa. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:12 | |
No, I'll tell ye. Three months ago. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:16 | |
Three months, Harry! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:18 | |
I am gagging fur it. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
But you're not interested. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
For God's sake, Harry. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
I bought ye the Joy Of Sex ages ago and it's still in the bag wi' the receipt! | 0:24:24 | 0:24:29 | |
Ye know I'm no' much of a reader! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
Ye could have looked at the pictures! | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
I'm a sexual human being, Harry. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
I've got womanly needs. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
Desires. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
I want an orgasm! | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
You should get into the hoose and go to your bed. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
Oh aye, you'd love that, wouldn't ye? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
Leave the door wide open for you to fire intae the nanny! | 0:24:50 | 0:24:54 | |
Come on, Harry. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Live a little, eh? | 0:24:56 | 0:24:57 | |
Take me right here! Find ma G-spot! | 0:24:57 | 0:25:01 | |
Ohhhh...! | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
MUSIC: "I Got The Music In Me" by Kiki Dee | 0:25:07 | 0:25:12 | |
You dirty filthy bastard! | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
Puking aw o'er ma wife! Ya greedy fat bastard! | 0:25:31 | 0:25:37 | |
Aye, well, that's enough reminiscing for the night. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
The New Year's aw aboot looking forward, no' looking back! | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
Right, you two. Come on. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:09 | |
Shake hands. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:10 | |
Harry! | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
Harry! | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
Come and take a look at what you're missing, Harry! | 0:26:17 | 0:26:21 | |
Where's all the good-looking single men at this party? | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
If he can dae it, then so can I! | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
Tam! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
Isa, Isa, no! | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Well, thanks for the memories, boys. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
Happy New Year. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
It is, aye... | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
Happy New Year, Jack. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
-Happy New Year, Winston. -All the best, Jack. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
-Happy New Year. -And you. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
SHIPS' HOOTERS BLARE | 0:27:27 | 0:27:30 | |
Happy New Year, everybody. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
ALL MURMUR: Happy New Year. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
ALL: Happy New Year! | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
So in aw they years | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
the lift's only been knackered twice. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:17 | |
-The night... -And back then. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
Oh, God. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
Hey, where are you aw going? | 0:28:25 | 0:28:27 | |
-We can get the lift! -The lift's knackered! | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 | |
Naw, naw, naw, naw, naw. Tam came oot it! | 0:28:30 | 0:28:33 | |
It's knackered, Winston. | 0:28:33 | 0:28:35 | |
It's back on, I'm telling youse! | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
See? | 0:28:40 | 0:28:41 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:28:41 | 0:28:43 |