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It's a bloody sin they're shuttin' this place. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Aye. Ach, well, we've got mair tae annoy us. Christmas is comin' up. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:42 | |
-Aye. What ye daein'? -I'm just going to ma son's this year. -Oh, lovely. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:46 | |
-Nice to have you family roon' aboot ye. -What about you? | 0:00:46 | 0:00:50 | |
Oh, I'll no' have time to think. Same auld thing. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
Turkey dinner, then I hand that in to my neighbours, Jack and Victor. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
Couple of old bloody rogues, they are! | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
# Hosanna in excelsis. # | 0:01:09 | 0:01:14 | |
'Scuse me. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
Take five. Yes? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
I'd like to try oot for the choir. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
Er... We actually have a full compliment. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
That's a shame. I love singin'. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
I was told I've got the voice of an angel. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
I'm sure you have, it's just that... | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
It's a community choir. I live in the community. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Yes, well... The thing is, we've a competition coming up. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
Even if you'd come a couple of months ago... | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Ye no' even want to hear me singing? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
Right. Off you go. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
# Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o... # | 0:01:43 | 0:01:48 | |
That's great. I'm sorry, we really have to get on. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
Right... | 0:01:55 | 0:01:56 | |
# Hosanna in excelsis! # | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
Naw? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
No. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:03 | |
One more time, from the middle verse. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
One, two, three, and... | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
Oh, hello, Edith. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Hello, Isa. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
What's the matter, hen? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
I got a knock back fae the choir. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
They don't want me. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Aw, that's a shame, i'nt it? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-Are you goin' for the bus? -Jack and Victor were lucky enough tae get in it. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
-Eh? -I'm sayin' Jack and Victor are in the choir. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
# Hosanna in excelsis | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:02:37 | 0:02:41 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
# Gloria, Gloria | 0:02:44 | 0:02:48 | |
# Hosanna in excelsis. # | 0:02:48 | 0:02:53 | |
Jack and Victor, a couple of choirboys?! | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
They'll be gutted that you saw them. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
And the first thing you do is come in here and tell me. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Och, don't flatter yoursel'! You're the 38th person I've telt! | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
-Yer jokin'! -I'm no'. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
Isa saw them. Singing like budgies. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
That's Christmas come early for me, Charlie. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
I'll get straight doon the Clansman and spread the good word. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
-Here, are you off tae Blackpool again this year? -Nah, that's aw up the spout. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:23 | |
-I'm going in to hospital. -Whit fur? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Arsehole. Piles. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
It's like the hangin' gardens of Babylon back there. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
-Awf! -This is the worst week, tae. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
Christmas week. This is when I get ma turn, aw the goodies. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
-Oh, aye? Aff the weans? -Aye. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
This is a plum number. Look at the cars. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
The parents of the weans here are aw loaded. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
Last year, there. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
Seven bottles of malt, and I couldnae even coont the tins of biscuits. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
An' yer missin' oot on aw that? So what happens, do they just send somebody else? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:56 | |
Aye. Some lucky bastard, hoovering up MY goodwill. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
What size o' coat is that ye've got on ye, Charlie? | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
-Two whiskies, Boabby. -Nae problem. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
-Nae wise cracks, Boabby? -Wise cracks? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:19 | |
-Aye, usually you've got something sarcastic to say. -Aye, a quip. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Some remark? Nothing? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
Nup. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Okey dokey, then. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
-Winston. -Am I glad to see youse two! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
-Go ahead, knock yourself out. -Right. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
You know Charlie, the lollipop man? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
-Aye. -He's had to go into hospital, and I'm taking over for a week! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
-And? -Well, it's no' just any auld week, is it? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
It's the week aw the posh weans give the gifts to the lollipop man. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
Whisky and chocolates an' that! You know, for Christmas! | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
And you're getting aw that, ya jammy bastard? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
Aye, well, I'm gonnae hauf it wi' Charlie. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
That saves the council sendin' in some stranger tae scoop the lot! | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
-Is that it? -Aye. Is that no' enough for ye? | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
Aye. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Right. Well, I'll away an' play the puggy. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
Looks as if Isa's kept her mooth shut. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
It does, indeed. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
I think we're in the clear. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
BOABBY CLEARS HIS THROAT, NOTE PLAYS ON HARMONICA | 0:05:24 | 0:05:28 | |
# La, la, la, la, la, la | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
# La, la, la, la, la | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
# La, la, la, la, la, la, la | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
# Ya couple of auld po-o-o-o-o-ofters! # | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
# Thumpetty thump thump Thumpetty thump thump | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
# Over the hills of snow | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
# Over the hills of snow! # | 0:05:46 | 0:05:51 | |
-We're gonnie gie Parkmill a run for their money this year! -THEY CHEER | 0:05:53 | 0:05:57 | |
Ah, listen up! I don't want to dishearten you guys, | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
but that trophy we're after, it's by no means a done deal. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
-THEY ALL CHATTER -Sshht! | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
Sshht! I've got a letter here. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
Tonight is the last night we can use this place for practice. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Wait a minute, John. Surely we need more sessions before the competition! | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
ALL: Aye! | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
Ideally, yes, but no' here. They've discovered asbestos in the building. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
ALL: Whit?! | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
They're saying January or February before we can get back in here. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
So it's singin' in the bath till then. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
-We've got nowhere else to go. -THEY ALL MURMUR | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
-Naw. -How no'? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
Because it's manky! Naebody's been in that room for years! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
Come on. Gie's a look at it. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
DOOR CREAKS | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
See? It's nae use. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
Ach, away and don't talk pish. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
-We'll get this place squared up in two minutes. -Aye. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
You're no' thinking straight, boy. 35 bodies, singin' their lungs oot. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:01 | |
Mad thirsty. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
"35 drinks, please. Mmm. Oh, delicious. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:07 | |
"We'll have 35 more, because remember, | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
"we're mad thirsty because of aw the daft singin'." | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
"Now we'll have... Oh, 35 bags of crisps. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
"Oh, that's us aw thirsty again. Will we stay for another?" | 0:07:15 | 0:07:19 | |
"Oh, I should think so. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
"35 more drinks, please. And give us the change in pound coins | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
"cos we're desperate for a go on your fruit machine!" | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
I'll get youse a mop. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Excuse me, sir? | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Yes, ma wee cherub? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:41 | |
Where's Charlie? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Oh, eh... Charlie's not well. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
-I'm helping out. -What's your name? | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
Ma name is Mr Ingram. But you can call me Winston. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:52 | |
-Could you give these to Charlie, Winston? -Oh! A luxury Christmas selection. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
I'll enjoy these. Er... I'll enjoy giving them to Charlie. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
Can you put them in my message bag, son? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
-Thank you. -Bye. -Bye-bye! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
HE LAUGHS The life o' a lollipop man. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
Ye cannae lick it! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
-Where's Charlie? -Message bag, son. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
-Ye working up a sweat, Jack? -Aye, I am, aye. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
-Ye thirsty, aye? -Aye, I am thirsty, aye. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
-Fancy a swig of this? -Oh! | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
For Gods' sake! Don't show that tae Boabby. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
He'll put a heid on it and try and sell it to somebody. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
He's a dirty, manky, lazy bastard that Boabby, i'nt he, eh? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:41 | |
Aw this mess in here for aw these years and he just shuts the door on it. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:45 | |
I know. It's like a bloody time capsule. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
Oh, ya bastard! Look at that! | 0:08:48 | 0:08:52 | |
God almighty! Is that a cat? | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
Naw, it's too big for a cat. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
-Is it a fox? -Well, if it's a fox... | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
it's name's Sparky. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
Didn't big Don Macmillan have a dug named Sparky? | 0:09:11 | 0:09:15 | |
So he did, aye. And that was years ago. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
It went missin'. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
It must've come in here, fell asleep and died. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
Ach, that's a sin, he was really tore up about that. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
-He went doo-lally looking for it, sure. -He's still no' right. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
See if we see him? Let's no say, "Hey, Don! Good news, we found Sparky!" | 0:09:28 | 0:09:32 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Right you are! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Here, youse two. See when you're done pissin' aboot in 1987, | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
come through to the present and see what's going on. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Oh, right. Do all the boys in the choir wear marigolds, then(?) | 0:09:46 | 0:09:50 | |
Holy moly, what is this? | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Las Vegas cash fountain. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
-Jackpot - £1,000. -You only get them in the clubs. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:02 | |
That's right. Noo that I'm usin' that back room again, I AM a club. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:07 | |
Oh, sweet Nancy! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:11 | |
What treasure do you hide beneath your petticoat? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
How many drinks do I have to buy you before you drop your drawers? | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
Look at your eyes. Aw sparkling and... | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
fresh, new... | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
unblemished... | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Oh, yes... | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
You and I are gonnae get along... | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
just fine. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Behold. The puggy whisperer! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Tam. That's ma bitch. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
And here's how it's gonnae work. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Yes. By all means, you gentlemen can flirt with her. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
Treat her well. Flatter her. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
But when youse are aw away hame and I'm locking up, | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
it will be ME that's pumping her. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Do you think? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
-Well, why don't we let the lady decide? -Are we still talking aboot this fruit machine? | 0:10:56 | 0:11:01 | |
An introduction. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
A sweet rose from an able suitor. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
HE HITS SWITCH, UPWARD GLISSANDO PLAYS | 0:11:17 | 0:11:20 | |
DOWNWARD GLISSANDO PLAYS | 0:11:20 | 0:11:24 | |
-Not even a hold! -Well, she's no a slapper, Tam. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
She's no gonnae gie ye yer hole on the first night! | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
Oh! Oh, what have we now? | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Oh! A hamper! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
Full of Christmas goodies. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Aw, look at that. Brandy butter, foie gras, pickled walnuts. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:44 | |
Thank you very much, now! | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Thank YOU very much, now! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Eh...can I help you? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
Aye, you can help me. You can piss off and stand outside MA school. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
Eh... Naw, I'm... I'm standing in for Charlie. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
Oh, are you? Qualified lollipop man, eh? With the land services? | 0:12:00 | 0:12:05 | |
I am. Yes. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Awright then, who's the division manager? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
Peter... | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
Stevenson. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:13 | |
Steve Peterson? | 0:12:15 | 0:12:16 | |
Davie... John... Rab. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
-Rab Mac-something. -Close. Sanjay Prekumar. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
Listen, you. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
Every lollipop man in Glasgow wants Charlie's pitch. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
The Beverly Hills Pitch, we call it. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
So unless you're wanting grassed and for Charlie to lose his job, | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
the morra morning, you get yourself down to Parkmill secondary, | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
and I'LL be standing here. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Excuse me? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
-Oh... -Oh! Mowit Shandin! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:47 | |
I love a drop of Shandin! | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
UPWARD GLISSANDO PLAYS | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
DOWNWARD GLISSANDO PLAYS Oh, come on! | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
That's it, Tam. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:01 | |
Fatten up ma Christmas goose. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
Shut up! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
So, whit school is it yer at noo? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
-Parkmill Secondary. -Oh! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
I went to Parkmill Secondary. Nightmare. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
Even the janny carries a knife. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
Well, I've got tae stay there tae Charlie comes back. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
I've went fae Beverly Hills to Beirut in wan move! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
Hello, hello, hello! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
Beer? Crisps? Nuts? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
I've got the lot! Thanking you. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Ladies, gentlemen, help yourselves. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Hey, Boabby? What do you think? You happy? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
Deliriously so, Victor. You boys ready for a pint? | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
-And are we paying for these pints? -Don't be silly. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
-So it's double grape... -Double grape... -..plum... -..plum... | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
-..bell... -..bell... -..strawberry... -..strawberry... -..bell... -..bell... | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
And the third wheel... | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
-What's gaun on here? -Nothin'! | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
Just a couple of fellas playing the fruit machine. Nothing to see here. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
-What's wi' the notepad, Eric? -Whit notepad? | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
-The one you were scribblin' intae! -Sshht! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Right, backroom. Now. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Oh, you look like you could dae wae a haun', Boabby. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
Got a CV? Eh? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:18 | |
Who's your previous employers? | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
-My rates are two sweet sherries an hour! -You're hired. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
Right! Oot ma way! 'Scuse me, darlin'. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
-When's yer contest? -Friday. I think we've got a chance this year. -Aw, aye? | 0:14:29 | 0:14:34 | |
-Youse are sounding good. So what do you win? -A cup. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
Beautiful it is, too. If we pick it up, it'll be going up on your gantry. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
-I'm sure I can make space! -Ye'll need to clear a space for the runners up. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:45 | |
-Eh? -Tradition. The second place finishers always come to the winners' place for a drink. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:50 | |
So if we win, this place'll be mobbed! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
Oh, Mammy-Daddy! | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
Mebbe it was the song. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
-Sorry? -I think I've got that X-Factor your choir's missin'. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:05 | |
# Fro-o-o-o-osty the snowman | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
# He's a jolly happy soul... # | 0:15:09 | 0:15:13 | |
-Thanks for everything, Boabby. -Aw, don't thank me, | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
-it was Jack and Victor's idea. -Aye, they're good men, Jack and Victor. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
Oh, aye. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
I huv tae be be honest with ye... | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
there was a lot of cynical faces in here when they joined your choir. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
But they're nice guys... Big hearts. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:34 | |
If youse are plannin' tae screw Boabby oot that jackpot, we want a piece of it! | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
Let's stick it to the bastard! We'll ruin his Christmas! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
Whoa! What's with the "we"? It's me and him. We've 40 quid in it already! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
We can weigh in! We'll put 40 quid in, call it a syndicate. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
Naw, naw. I mean, wi' all due respect, gentlemen, | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
youse are hardly the Brains Trust, are ye? | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
Do ye no' think the people that make these machines are a wee bit smarter | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
than a couple of old duffers and a note pad? | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Naw. Whit we need is know-how, technical know-how. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Aye. We need the ear of a man in the know. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:06 | |
SIGN CREAKS IN THE WIND | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
Are you the new lollipop man? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
I am, yes. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
CHILD LAUGHS EVILLY | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
THEY ALL SCREAM | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
Okey dokey. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
This is what I reckon the inside of this bastard looks like. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:45 | |
Aw fruit machines are essentially the same. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
Collection chutes, either four or six chambers located here, depending on the model. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:53 | |
I believe that oor target is of the six chamber variety. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
Mair complicated by the multi-chip motherboard, | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
so the topple point is variable until the excess hopper kicks in. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:05 | |
Can we huv that in English? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
Well, puggy machines have got a pay oot point. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
Generally running between 94 and 97% in the looser machines. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:15 | |
-Thanks for cleaning that up(!) -Oi! | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
-Let the man speak. -If we count every pound coin that goes in and comes oot, | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
I can calculate exactly when it's going to pay oot the jackpot. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:27 | |
How will we dae that? There's loads of people play that machine. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
We'd need to be there the whole time. Boabby'll tipple. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Exactly. So, I suggest a relay team, | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
workin' in shifts. Wae these. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
What are they? | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
Well, five pound coins go in, | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
five clicks on this yin. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
Two pound coins come oot, | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
two clicks on this yin. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Easy. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
THEY CHUCKLE WICKEDLY | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
Cheers. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:01 | |
There no' such a bad lot, ye know. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
I was thinking that as I was being assaulted, | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
"These are good weans. Nice weans." | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
-Bloody polis I should be phonin'. -I've had a word wi' them. They're sorry. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:16 | |
Aye. So am I. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
It's Christmas, for God's sake. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Yesterday I was countin' bottles of scotch ootside Willow Park Academy. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
Willow Park? Great school. Great kids. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
It's a bit different for them. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
-Aye, well. -Well, see that boy there? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
Mother and faither, baith junkies. Don't know the time o' day. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:37 | |
And see him there? His faither's in jail for murder. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
See those kids at Willow Park? They have a great Christmas. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
See these kids? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
They don't know what Christmas is. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:47 | |
Page...two, bar...50. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
OK, sshh, sshh! Right... | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
# ...And a happy new year! | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
# Good tidings we bring... # | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
# We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy... # | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
Whit's that? | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
-Whit's whit? -That. In your paw. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
Oh, whit, this? Oh, nothing. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
It's a counter. I'm counting, eh... | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
-I'm counting pies. -Pies? | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
Aye. I've often wondered to maself, | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
"Ooh, pies! I wonder how many pies Boabby gets delivered in the morning? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
"Is it 20? 40?" | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
You must think I'M a pie. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
-Naw! No' really. -I've been watching you. And Eric. And Shug. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
You're usin that wee doodad to count what's going in that machine. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:28 | |
You think you've some sort of chance of scooping ma jackpot, din't ye? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
Oh, no, no, no. It's no' like that, Boabby. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Hand it over. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
OK. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
And I'll tell ye another thing. You're lucky I'm no' barring you. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
ALARM RINGS ON PUGGY Aye, no' bad. Three quid. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
-See ye Wednesday, Boabby. -Aye. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
CLICKING | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
What we waiting on, mister? | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
Never you mind. Just you stand there. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
-Listen, thanks very much for this, Navid. -Nae problem. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
-Bit of a shitehole this, eh? -Ah! At-at-at! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
Thank you. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:12 | |
Right, let's be havin' ye. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
-Merry Christmas. -Thank you. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
-Merry Christmas. -Ta. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:25 | |
-Merry Christmas. -Cheers. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
-Merry Christmas. -Thanks. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:28 | |
I know what's gonnae happen. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:31 | |
What? | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
One of that choir's gonnae win the jackpot. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
They're the wans that put the maist money in it. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
-Aye, right enough. -We're just gonnae have to gi'e up. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:42 | |
That's Boabby got the clickers noo, so there's nae real way of knowing, is there? | 0:21:42 | 0:21:46 | |
Gonnae pipe doon, the lot of ye? | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
What was the figure on the money in clicker when Boabby took it? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
-Eh... 89 somethin'. -That's close enough. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
And the money oot clicker? | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
That's easy. 64. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
64! Oh, it's a tight machine! Tight machine! | 0:21:58 | 0:22:02 | |
72 hours since we started. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
Divide that by... Gives you... | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
22 quid. Say that's 6%... | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
What time is it noo? | 0:22:09 | 0:22:10 | |
-Hauf twelve. -Hauf twelve... Pub opens at 11 o'clock, | 0:22:10 | 0:22:14 | |
average coin in starts at 12 an hour, gaun up to 15 by tea-time... | 0:22:14 | 0:22:20 | |
Ah... Bingo! | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
Gi'es you the magic number. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
1,300... 1,390. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
Well, when the machine's taken that in, it'll spit the jackpot oot. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
And if I'm right, and I'm rarely wrang, that's gonnae happen... | 0:22:33 | 0:22:38 | |
this very night. Between 6 and 6.30. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
Oh, that's perfect! That's when the choir's aw in the back. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
Aye, this is oor last chance at a rehearsal before the big contest! | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Right. What we've got tae dae is position ourselves roon' that machine for that half hoor. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:54 | |
Form a human shield roond it, sae naebody else can get near it, eh? | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
Right. 10 quid each. | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
-Wh-Wh-Whit fur? -The final kitty. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
We'll huv tae put some of wur ain money in for the last lap. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
Ta. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
That's fantastic, Shug. Here, you should go to the casino. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
Oh, no, no thanks. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
See if they catch you card counting? There's nae arsing aboot. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
CHOIR SINGS | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
-I'm gaun in. -Good luck. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
-God speed. -Right... | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
# Glory God | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
# His righteousness | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
# And wonders of His love And wonders of His love | 0:23:54 | 0:23:59 | |
# And wonders And wonders of His love. # | 0:23:59 | 0:24:05 | |
Fabulous. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
I'm sure you're all agreed we're all roasting. Ready for a drink? | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
-THEY MURMUR IN AGREEMENT -Oh, absolutely, aye! Keep them here. Go, go, go. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
Just give it a couple of minutes before we go through, folks. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
There's been a wee spillage. Boabby's just cleaning up. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:21 | |
-ALL: Aw! -I know. Just a couple of minutes, OK? | 0:24:21 | 0:24:24 | |
-Whit's happenin'? -Still nothin'! -How much money have ye got left? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:29 | |
Eh... Eight quid. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
-How long's that gonnae last? -No' long! Has anybody got any mair money? | 0:24:31 | 0:24:35 | |
-Want a tenner? -Aye. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
-They're comin' out! -Naw, naw, they cannae come oot! | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
Keep them in there! | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
Whit's goin' on? Are we gettin' a drink or whit? | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
Eh... | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Well, the thing is, em... | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
Well, we were thinkin'... | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
The competition's tomorrow. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
And it's been great havin' you here at the Clansman, | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
and, er...do you no' think... | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
we should just sing the song one more time? | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
No. We're as good as we're gonnae get. C'mon, it's roasting in here! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
I still think it's a bit...shit. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
-Eh? -The song. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
It's still a bit shit, innit? Eh...I mean... | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
-Wan mair go wouldnae kill us, would it? | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
It's sweltering in here. Let us out for a pint! | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
-Eh... There's a cold air thing. -So there is! -Aye, I'll switch that on. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
-Boabby! -Haud yer horses! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
-Yes? -Could ye gie us change for the puggy? | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
Naw. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:46 | |
How much have you got left? | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
A pound. | 0:25:58 | 0:25:59 | |
Nothin'. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:02 | |
Has anyone got change o' a tenner? | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
LOUD EXPLOSION, CREAKING | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
GROANING | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
COUGHING | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
Is that everybody oot, Boabby? | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
Aye, I think so. Just gi'e it a few minutes tae settle. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:33 | |
Hello? | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
Anybody there? | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
Hullo-o-o! | 0:26:43 | 0:26:46 | |
ALARM, FANFARE PLAYS | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
Jackpot! | 0:26:53 | 0:26:54 | |
Oh, Jeez! | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
That's Donald and Ricky oot the game an' aw. That's 26 call-offs. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:10 | |
-Voices shot tae hell wi' the dust. -How's your voice doing, David? | 0:27:10 | 0:27:14 | |
-CROAKY: -It's no' bad. I should be OK. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
Just away hame, Davie. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
Same for all of youse. It's finished. We'll try again next year. It's humped. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:23 | |
Ah, now... | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
Not necessarily. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
One, two, three, four. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:27:29 | 0:27:33 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:27:33 | 0:27:37 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:27:37 | 0:27:40 | |
# Lollipop lollipop! | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 | |
# Ba-bum bum bum | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
# Call my baby lollipop | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
# Tell you why | 0:27:46 | 0:27:47 | |
# Her kiss is sweeter Than an apple pie | 0:27:47 | 0:27:51 | |
# And when she does Her shaky rockin' dance | 0:27:51 | 0:27:55 | |
# Man, I haven't got a chance | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
# I call her | 0:27:57 | 0:27:58 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:27:58 | 0:28:02 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:28:02 | 0:28:06 | |
# Lollipop lollipop Ooh lolly lolly lolly | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
# Lollipop lollipop! | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
# Ba-bum bum bum | 0:28:11 | 0:28:13 | |
# Sweeter than candy on a stick | 0:28:13 | 0:28:17 | |
# Huckleberry cherry or lime... # | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
-Can I get five pound coins for the fruit machine please, Boabby? -Nae bother. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:26 | |
So. For the Easter recital, | 0:28:37 | 0:28:39 | |
you'll get two key numbers and you'll be the lead on five more. | 0:28:39 | 0:28:42 | |
And you'll be front and centre the whole time. How's that? | 0:28:42 | 0:28:45 | |
Great! | 0:28:45 | 0:28:47 |