Browse content similar to Episode 2. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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What kind of underpants are these? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
Oh, those? | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
Those are underpants for the digital age. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
These are the cutting edge of modern technology, them. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
Cutting edge? | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
They're just what you need in your undershorts. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
These little wonders were invented in the workshop | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
of one Walton Midgely, inventor extraordinaire. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:30 | |
We had enough trouble selling his inflatable roller skates. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
Yeah, but that was only because the water were choppy. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
I mean, had it been calm, | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
that Mr Ellis would have got right across that canal. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
-And being inflatable, they didn't sink, though, did they? -No. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:48 | |
It's a pity Mr Ellis did. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
-Mmm. -So, what we got this time? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
"The world in your shorts"? | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
Mmm. Connect to the internet. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
You're never without a signal. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
"Stay connected, cold wash, minimum iron". | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
And the beauty is, as you're wearing them | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
and walking about in them, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
they charge your battery! | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
All right, you win. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
Wha...? Steady, steady. You'll be getting here before you've got up. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
I admit to a swagger. I'm on a roll. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
You could soon become obnoxious. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
Mother used to say that. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:30 | |
-Mother knows best. -You think? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
You should have seen who she picked for my old man. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
That's the nature of fathers, to be weird, don't you think? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
-What brings you in this early? -I'm getting on better with that Madge. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:53 | |
I thought every time she sees you she goes "Ooooh..." | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
Not any more. I've got her down to, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
"Ooh, you could do with losing some weight." | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
So, what have you got for losing weight? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
Ah-ha. I've got the very idea. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
It's expensive, but you'll never regret it. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
How expensive? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
Oh, worse than that. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Well, look, if you want to be a greyhound, it's going to cost. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
Couldn't we start with labrador? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
Right. I've done the orders. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
You know what we've been doing wrong in this business? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
Overcharging? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:35 | |
Apart from that. No. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
We've been neglecting services. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:43 | |
You see, any competent business supplies not only goods, | 0:03:43 | 0:03:47 | |
but services. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
Name one service we could offer. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
I'm not going out cleaning. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
Don't be ridiculous. Nobody's asked you to. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Mind you, it isn't a bad idea. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
No, I'm thinking more of lifestyle guidance. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:10 | |
Like personal training. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
Weight loss. Yes, ah-ha. Mm-hm. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
Everybody knows you help people lose weight by relieving them | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
of their money. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:24 | |
Leave that alone. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Forget it. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
The thing we ought to do, if you want to modernise this business, | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
right, is offer a decent vegetarian section. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Oh, don't tell me you're still pining after that loopy bird, | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
-are you? -She's gorgeous. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
She's a librarian. How loopy is that? | 0:04:42 | 0:04:46 | |
She stands on street corners waving placards. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Yes, on behalf of animals. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
She's very fond of animals. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Not on her plate. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
Ey up, Leroy, here they come, | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
fresh from last night's romantic evening with their wives. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:05 | |
-Did the Earth move, fellas? -Not very far, by the look of it. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:11 | |
We just came in to tell you that romantic package you sold us | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
-was a flop. -You told us that romantic package would work. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:19 | |
So, we tried it. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
Champagne, chocolates, soft music. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:25 | |
Near-lethal amounts of aftershave. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
Well, credit where it's due, | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
you smell delicious. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
Are you saying that they said no to your gifts? | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Not to the gifts. I've never seen chocolate disappear so fast. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
Or champagne. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
I mean, the wife can shift some bubbles when she's roused. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
And when I say roused, I'm speaking optimistically. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
But what about soft lighting, eh? Sweet music? | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
Didn't you keep the lights down low? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
So low, I trod on her bare foot, didn't I? | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
At least you made contact with something bare. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
This looks like a case for plan B. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
We can't afford it. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:07 | |
-You don't know what it is yet. -We're just guessing. -All right, all right. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Well, you'll be sorry because, you see, | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
83% of people who use this product | 0:06:14 | 0:06:18 | |
reported an increase in domestic... | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
..connectivity. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Stop trying to beat the Joneses. They're waving a white flat. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
It's her. She says her life needs a change. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
What, and painting one room's going to do that? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
The difficulty I find in life is trying to get his old jumper | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
off him for the wash. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
Mine was the same. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
They'd get a favourite, and you'd think it was for life. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
I said, "Eric, it's got gravy on it." He says... | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
AS ERIC: "That's not gravy, it's rust. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
"The corrosion of our once-playful relationship." | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
That's what they're built for - playtime. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
Mine was always playing away. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
There were very few home fixtures. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
I'm surprised you stuck it for so long. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
No, not really. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
You were never very bright. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
Well, she's happier than you. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Then again, so is everybody. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
Well, I find that being miserable works. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
You're not inclined to spend as much as when you're happy. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
I know I had a bad marriage, but I was never without hope. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
He was a heavy smoker. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
Rhythm! Find your rhythm. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
Trust me, I'm your personal trainer. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Come on, get a move on, cos Mavis has to get back to decorating. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:55 | |
-I'm seeing spots. -Yes, that's good, spots are good, yes. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
Are they good? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
Yes. You've got spots that are good. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
You never said. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
-Which spots? -Well, I'd like to be accurate about this. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
Can we arrange a site meeting? | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
I think I'm dying! | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
Ah, yes, you're feeling the burn. That's good. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
Dying is good, yes. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
Just one moment, madam, please. There. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:36 | |
Is he dead? | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
No, no, it's just the excitement of our special offers. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
He's lying, I'm dead. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Oh! | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Oh, taking the old microwave for a walk, are we? | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
My wife bought this thing here yesterday. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:37 | |
-Lord knows why. -Oh, yes. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
One of our occasional technological bargains, this. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:43 | |
-It's lethal. -Oh. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
I'm sorry she's dead, | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
but you see, we can't do anything about things that happen | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
off the premises. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
-She's not dead! -Oh. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
But that's no thanks to you. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
This thing is dangerous. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
Well, it can't be that dangerous, you just walked in with it. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
It's not switched on. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Well, nobody is round here, this is a cultural cul-de-sac, this. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
But then again, that's the way we prefer it. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
You sold her a dangerous item. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
It flashes and spits. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
And the turntable goes round and round in a blur of speed. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:27 | |
Well, what's the matter? Don't you like fast food? | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
I demand my money back. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
Now look what you've done. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
Will you take that damn thing away? They're laughing at me. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
-It's embarrassing. -I wondered if we could meet | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
just once before I have to go and train as an astronaut. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
You're not listening. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
If you give me your number, I'll call you from Mars. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Question... | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
What does your mother look like? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Why would that be any business of yours? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
I want to know how you're going to age. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
It's all right now, kidding people you're gorgeous, | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
but what's down the line? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
Nothing for you. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
I do impressions. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Maintain my own bicycle. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
You think Shakespeare was a vegetarian? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
Jane Austen used to send out for pizza. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
Pepperoni. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Oh, there he is, the jewel in Madge's crown. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
Well, have you recovered? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
-I'm hungry. -That sounds like a yes. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
-You nearly killed me out there. -But you're looking better for it. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
I thought I were dead. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
I get the same reaction whenever I'm on the phone to a national company. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:54 | |
-You ready for a snack? -I am. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
-That much exercise leaves a hole that needs filling. -Right. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
OK, alert your taste buds. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
This will be ready in 30 seconds. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Oh, make it 29. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
29, sir. All right. There we go. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:13 | |
Thank you. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
Ey up, it's getting nasty with me pasty. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
No, no. It's what we call in the trade as enhancing the flavour. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:27 | |
MICROWAVE DINGS There, right. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Oh, ah, oh, ah, eh, oh! | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Hey! Oh, ah, oh! | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Ahh! Ahhh! Ahh! | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
It's only me! | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
Oh, there you are. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
Did you miss me? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
-I haven't had time. -I like that in a man. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Nothing good ever came from wearing your heart on your sleeve. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
I think mine's somewhere under my sock. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
Oh, stamping again. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
-You'll wear your eyes out. -It's called philately. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:19 | |
Philately will get you nowhere! | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
That's a joke. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:23 | |
Well, you might show some reaction. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
The only reaction you provoke is fear. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
Oh, bless you for that. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
That was the basis for all my three previous marriages. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Boredom time is over. Now, what shall we do? | 0:13:37 | 0:13:42 | |
Oh. Oh, yes. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
Now, that is a very good decision you've just made. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
I've made? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:49 | |
Yes, why not? I don't expect you to be a doormat. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
Later on, possibly, | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
but not during this intensely physical courtship period. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
When have we been intensely physical? I must have missed it. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
Well, we haven't. And I appreciate your iron self control. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
Less of a struggle than you might think. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
No, Mr Newbold, I know the battle it must have been. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
But courage, Mr Newbold - | 0:14:10 | 0:14:11 | |
soon I will let you loose to do your will on me. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:15 | |
Why do you seek my company when you dislike me? | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
Dislike? This is not dislike, Mr Newbold. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
This is care. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
I am your rock, your security... | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
..your fiancee. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
-But I've never bought you a ring. -Oh, bless you for remembering. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:34 | |
We'll get one later in the week. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Oh, I see your friends are here. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
It's nice to have friends... | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
-..except possibly those two. -What's wrong with those two? -Oh, nothing. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:50 | |
And I'm sure they'll be perfectly all right without you | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
now that you're committed to me. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:54 | |
I can't just drop my friends. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
No, of course not, not straight away. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:59 | |
-Kiss me first. -What? Kiss? | 0:14:59 | 0:15:03 | |
Yes, it's that thing where you pucker up your lips. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
Yes, I know what it is. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
Yes, well, I sometimes wonder. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
I'm asking for a courtesy, that's all. It sends a signal. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:14 | |
A peck on the cheek will do. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
I don't want hands or tongues where they shouldn't be. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Did you see that? He has this tendency to maul me. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:32 | |
Ooh. Is it me or is it hot in here? | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
I like this kind. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
But then I like this sort as well. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:46 | |
Well, why don't you take them both? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
That's brilliant! I'll take both. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
By the way, where's this hotspot you're advertising? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:57 | |
Don't ask. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
PHONE RINGS Excuse me. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Hello, Arkwright. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING Hello? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
Oh, that's funny, there's nobody there. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Hadn't you better answer it? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
Well, it's supposed to be a hotspot. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
It's not supposed to perform as a phone. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
RINGING STOPS | 0:16:26 | 0:16:27 | |
I hope it wasn't urgent. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
Probably somebody just trying to sell me some double glazing. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
-Why are you buying her a ring? -I have no idea. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
I'd no input into that decision. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
There must be a solution. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
Believe me, I thought about it... | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
..but my garden's not big enough. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
And she'll spoil my geraniums. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
Whoa. I think something's spoiling my geraniums. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
Listen to me. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
This is Eric the Peacemaker talking, | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
with a suggestion less drastic. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
Mrs Featherstone has attached herself to me | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
-by a grip which is impervious to less drastic. -And do you know why? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
-I must have sinned heavily in some previous life. -You're lucky. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:20 | |
We're finding it increasingly difficult getting much sinning | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
going in this life. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
Why do you think she's attracted to you? | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
She hates men. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
I'm a human sacrifice. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
No, you are a formal dresser. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:35 | |
Collar, tie, polished shoes. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
She loves all that. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
Yeah, yeah, he's right. You want to go a bit down-market. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
-ALL: -It's not mine. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
RINGING CONTINUES | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
How's your hotspot? | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
Warm. I fear for my future offspring. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
It's very weird hearing it talking to you. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
Nevertheless, you both look cheerier than when last seen. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
It's the warm glow you get from doing a good deed. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
-Helping your fellow man. -Of whom are we speaking? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:35 | |
Old Newbold. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
We're trying to get him out of the clutches of Mrs Featherstone. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Oh, now, hold on. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
Do you think that's a good idea? Because, you see, | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
I think they make a perfect team. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
She's been reducing him to a grub. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
You see a grub, | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
I see an emerging butterfly. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:53 | |
Mr Newbold?! | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
What have you done to him? Get inside the shop. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
Go on, get in, quick. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
You look like a map of the London Underground. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
It washes off. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
What do you think you look like? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Very unappealing to Mrs Featherstone. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
That's where you're wrong. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
Didn't she ever tell you what her favourite movies was? | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
Well, I don't see Mrs Featherstone at the movies. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Maybe a Witches' Sabbath. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
No, it was A Streetcar Named Desire. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
She fell head-over-underwear for Marlon Brando... | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
..looking exactly like you. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
Well, I don't look like Marlon Brando. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
Now, she'll never let you go. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
Stay there. Er, Leroy? Come here? | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
-Mr Newbold? -But who does he remind you of? | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
MUMBLED AND INDISTINCT: Marlon Brando. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
Arlon Grango. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:18 | |
WHISPERS: Marlon Brando! | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
Oh, yeah. Marlon Brando. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
There's tea in the pot. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
You do look after me logistically, I'll give you that. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:41 | |
You still think your mother makes better Yorkshire puddings than me. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
-Only marginally. -Wrong answer. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
You undervalue me, Kath. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
You think I'm just an Eric. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
Your Eric. Part of the furniture. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
Oh. Oh, there's more, is there? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
Sorry, have I been missing something? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
I am at the cutting edge of technology. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
I am permanently connected to the internet. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
I am a walking hotspot. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
RINGING CONTINUES | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
I knew that's where most men's ideas come from. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
It's just teething troubles. The phone's supposed to take the call. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:30 | |
We'll get it sorted. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Eric, your crotch is ringing. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
Do you want me to leave the room so you can talk to it? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
There's no need to be sarcastic. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
RINGING CONTINUES | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
Hello? | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
RINGING CONTINUES | 0:21:48 | 0:21:49 | |
We'll keep him in here till Merle comes. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
Merle? You can't throw him to Merle. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
Desperate times calls for desperate measures. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:07 | |
I know, but... Merle? | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
She'll be coming here to pick up her order - | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
the order that you refused to deliver. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:15 | |
Wait, I am going nowhere near Merle. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
You should be ashamed of even thinking about sending me. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
She can't eat you. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:21 | |
She ate Mr Pendlebury. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
That's different, he was left-handed. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
Are you sure I look like Marlon Brando? | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
Well, there are three women outside the front of the shop | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
-waiting for your autograph. -Really? | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
Just keep him here. I'll let you know when Merle comes. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
If you don't want him straying, you best keep him at home. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:54 | |
Anyways, how can you be so sure I've been with him? | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
Am I meant to remember everybody? | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
If you want confirmation, you better send me a picture. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:05 | |
What are you smiling at? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Nothing, just... You know, grocer's welcome. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:14 | |
-We never got it together, did we? -No. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
So, what are you doing to fill your empty nights? | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
Well, not as much as you, obviously. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:24 | |
HE COUGHS/KNOCKS ON DOOR Sorry, sorry. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
-Have you got my order ready? -Oh, yes, I have. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
It's down here behind the counter. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
I've heard all sorts goes off behind that counter. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:37 | |
No, that's just a rumour put about by Tesco. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:40 | |
How are you today, Merle? | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
Available for parties. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
And who might this tasty morsel be, then? | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
Well, this Marlon Brando lookalike goes by the name of... | 0:23:54 | 0:23:59 | |
..Pitbull. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
That's not strictly true. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
Don't fight it. Live up to it. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
Ohhh! These high heels make your ankles ache, don't they? | 0:24:07 | 0:24:12 | |
I don't know, I've never worn high heels. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
Merle, leave him! He's shy. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:18 | |
He doesn't look shy to me. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
He looks combat ready! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
Leroy! Give Merle a hand home with this box. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:26 | |
Nay, don't be giving a lad a man's job! | 0:24:26 | 0:24:29 | |
Here. Give a lady a hand. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
There'll be refreshments at the end of it. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Come along, Pitbull. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
Ooh, you've kept your figure. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
I bet you didn't know you were keeping it for me. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
GRANVILLE CHUCKLES | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
-You can't let her just walk off with him! -Oh, it'll be all right, | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
just for a while. It'll further his education. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
-He'll never be the same. -Don't worry, I'll send in a replacement. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
Where are you going to find someone as stupid, | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
reckless or as brave as that? | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
SHOP BELL RINGS | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
HE BELCHES | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
What have you got for a midday snack? | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
You'd be surprised. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
GEARS CRUNCH | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
If it's just a dripping tap, how come it's an emergency? | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
Oh, I think you'll find it is an emergency. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
-And what am I doing here? -Hm? -I know you've told me, but I've forgotten. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:34 | |
Well, I need you here to witness Gastric's skills, | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
so that you can go home and tell Madge | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
how good he is with the ladies. Hm? | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
-Is Mavis coming in with me? -No! | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
Er, I mean, no, she'll stay here and witness it from here. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:51 | |
Shouldn't take too long. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:25:54 | 0:25:55 | |
I've come cos you've got a drip. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
You're not kidding. I hope you've got more going for you. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:13 | |
You see how attractive he is to women? Now you can tell your Madge. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:22 | |
Oh. 'Ey! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
You see? There are bigger perils than Mrs Featherstone. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:38 | |
I never realised there was so much meat about. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
-I can understand people going vegetarian. -Oh, aye. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
-Do you think we ought to leave Gastric? -Yes, leave him. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:50 | |
Let's get away from here. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:51 | |
Doesn't look like a bad back to me! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:59 | |
-Where to? -Anywhere! | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
HE LAUGHS Right! | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
That Merle's a pearl. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
I bet we don't see Pitbull any more. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
I thought Gastric was moving BETTER when he fled from Merle's place. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:33 | |
Just shows, my training's paying off. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:39 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
Oh, dear! I bet it's a wrong number. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:49 | |
It's really no place for strangers. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 |