D Is for Dreams Sunny D

MUSIC: She's Out Of My Life by Michael Jackson

MIMING: # She's out of my life

# She's out of my life

# And I don't know whether to laugh or cry

# I don't know whether to live or die

# And it cuts like a knife

# She's out of my life

# It's out of my hands... #

STEFAN SNORES

My girlfriend and I have mutually decided

to have some space from one and other due to family matters.

Because apparently being a new family means that

I get to be insulted by her insecure fool of a father

trying to project his insecurities onto me!

And you want to marry my Nicole? You can't even step to a girl.

How you think you're going to step to me?

But as I say, you can't choose your family, eh?

You also can't choose to have them

flashed with a Men In Black-style neuralyzer

and sent to a soundproof private island,

so no-one can hear that you're faking music from 20 years ago

that no-one cares about!

# Night nurse... # Lord have mercy!

"Lord have mercy!"

It's a nightmare. I always do this.

-HE SNORES LOUDLY

-Oh...

Do what?

Mess up every single relationship.

Oh, come on, bro, it weren't ALL your fault.

# Now, I ain't saying she a gold digger... #

I don't want much from you, Daney.

Just a detached townhouse,

a Mercedes SLK...

Wha gwan, fam?

Obvz me and you get together. Do you get me?!

# Let it go, let it go... #

Are you all right?

Where is this going?!

Where's this going?! We just met!

It wasn't ALL your fault.

Anyway, was last night really that bad?

Look at you! Too bloodclaat soft.

Why don't you fuck off, Jamaar, you prick?!

Yes. It really was that bad.

Now I'm banished, a refugee in my own house.

I bet if we went downstairs now, you'd be granted amnesty.

Let's do it together, yeah?

Yeah. Come on. Can't be that bad, can it?

GALE BLOWS

Mum!

I can't beat it, bro!

This shoulder is too cold for my liking.

So...does anyone want to talk about what happened yesterday?

Perhaps we're concerned that you're going to insult us.

Just like you did to Nicola's father.

Oh, come on, we are talking about Jamaar here.

-The guy is a joke.

-The man is clearly an imbecile.

But he was a guest in our house.

-Is that how we treat our guests now?

-No, Daddy.

Speaking of guests, are we going to deal with the elephant in the room?

Or the fact the elephant is with child?

Having a go at a pregnant woman now, are we, Dane?

SHE SCOFFS, MESSAGE TONE

From Nicola. I'll read it later.

MESSAGE TONE

Nicola. "Tell Dane to read my texts."

All right, time-out, time-out. Family meeting.

Why am I getting all the grief here?

It's Nicola's dad that can't act like an adult.

The man's a fool. Right?

Right?!

What the hell was the appeal to Nicky's mum?

HE SNIFFS AND RETCHES

I'll tell you what the appeal was.

Women love a bad boy. Take the show Friends.

Ross expresses love early on,

and guess what, Rachel's not interested.

Then fast forward a few more seasons

when he has two baby mothers and a student girlfriend

and he's a cheat, then Rachel's like,

IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: "Ross, I love you! It's always been you!"

I'll remind you that Gunther ended up alone.

# I'll be there for you! #

Unless your name's Gunther.

You're welcome.

You know, son...

psychologists believe that women are attracted to

men who remind them of their own fathers.

Jamaar and I have nothing in common.

We don't!

See! There he goes again, Daddy, with his aggression.

I don't want to bring up my child in a world of violence, Dane.

I'm sorry. That comment, it just...

I'm going to be late for work.

Great family meeting(!)

# Work it, make it, do it, makes us

# Harder, better, faster, stronger... #

Feeling masochistic? Life lacking misery?

Simply get yourself on the 259 bus for the rest of your life.

Well, I'm smashing life right now, aren't I?

My girlfriend - sorry, fiancee - is mad at me,

and my mum and dad are close to changing the locks.

We go? We don't go? Shall I arrange it? Shall I not?

-Anything.

-No, George...

-BUS DRIVER:

-Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that

this bus will terminate at the next stop.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

How the hell are people cool going through life

essentially being human hamsters?

# Because you can't, you won't and you don't stop

# Because you can't, you won't and you don't stop. #

And that's the thing with the nine-to-five slog these days -

this isn't like school, this ride is for life.

Only one kind of animal can win a rat race.

It's going to be one of those days, in't it?

'More like one of those lifetimes.'

MUSIC: Pursuit Of Happiness by Kid Cudi

I wouldn't say I'm avoiding anyone.

I'd just say I prefer to be in this space more than my desk space.

This is literally the only place I can get refuge.

This is my sanctuary.

A little moment to avoid all the shit in my life.

-Dane?

-Yes?

Are you all prepped for the meeting, mate?

-I'm bricking it.

-MAN FARTS

That much is clear.

-Damn you, evil tandoori.

-MAN FARTS

'Am I prepped for the meeting? Yes, I am.

'But what's my reward going to be

'for hitting the great elusive target?

'I'll tell you. An even higher target.'

DIPDA. DIPDA. DIPDA.

Define, identify, prove, desire, action.

These are the five pillars you will need to employ

in order to conquer the beast that is sales...

'I am now spitting up the same shitty jargon

'that everyone else does.

'I am no worse and certainly no better than anyone else in this job.

'So why do I even bother doing this?'

..The needs of our core clients.

How can we be assured that this strategy is in line

with our movement towards a more dynamic paradigm?

Ah, yes, good question, Shaun.

If I can refer you to this graph here,

this line shows a positive correlation

between how long this meeting has being going on for,

whereas the baseline here shows how much I give a fuck.

Any questions?

SHEEP BAAS # Baa, baa, black sheep. #

Dane...!

Oh, God, not now.

'Kerry is going to want her report.

'TODAY is not the day.'

-Yes, Kerry?

-Oh, Daney!

Sometimes I just feel like if I don't stay RIGHT on top of you,

then it's a slippery little slope.

I want you to go deep on it. OK?

Can I trust you to hit this hard, Dane?

-I can send you the final list by the end of the day.

-Hmm...

But maybe I don't want to wait until "the end of the day".

Maybe I need it now.

I'm a woman, I have needs - needs that must be met.

You have needs, Kerry? I have a need too.

I have a need not to have your labia dangled in my face

every time I step into this pisshole of an office.

I've done enough proposals to last me a lifetime,

and I have to listen to you verbally pour acid on my balls

every single day.

Who do you think you're talking to?

I will have you in human resources so fast...

I'm a human being.

I'm not a resource, I'm not mined, I'm not exchanged for capital.

I have emotions and a goddamn soul.

-Now, you listen here...

-Or what, Kerry?

You're going to demand an oral presentation?

Or we spend all night hammering it out?

Or I'm going to be in some hardcore hot water,

-where I'll be seriously disciplined?

-All right, shusht, Dane...

Not so fun now, is it, Kerry? And with that, I bid you all adieu.

No, no... Where are you going?

Annual leave, compassionate leave, sickness leave -

whatever you want to call it, you cretinous, hideous, insane,

mental-bitch excuse for a human being.

Woohoo!

Shut up, Janet!

No! Don't leave me!

Urgh! ARGH!

Oh, my God! Urgh!

SHE SIGHS

That was so hot!

He totally wants to fuck me.

Is that all there is?

Getting slammed by corporate Nazis all day, every day? Enough.

I've had enough of office jargon, pitches and proposals,

to last me a lifetime.

I've got a proposal of my own to worry about.

Let's celebrate.

# Don't you forget about me. #

MUSIC: Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers

After everything Nicky and I have been through,

the first time we kissed, held hands, Valentine's,

the romantic gestures... RECORD SKIPS

What have you done? You've ruined it.

Well, who does pottery anyway?!

Actually, that's not a great example.

I don't want to get all Bedingfield here,

but we've gotta get through this.

Dane? Why are you home already?

What the hell is this?

Oh, just having a little celebration. Wee-ooo!

I have no idea what you've got to possibly celebrate,

since your life is becoming a complete and utter disaster.

Mm-hm!

And don't even get me started on you, young lady.

-Mm-hm!

-You think this is joke, Dane?

While I'm here preparing for this new baby, what's your sister doing?

Plaiting hair and having snacks like it's nothing.

-WITH MOUTH FULL:

-No, I'm not!

-She is eating for three now.

-Shut up, Dane!

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

'Why does Dad keep entering the room like Darth Vader?

'Shit, am I Luke Skywalker?'

Dane...do you think this behaviour is becoming of an uncle

and potential husband?

You just might be a lot of things to a lot of people very soon.

Time to grow up and be a man, son.

I am, Dad, and isn't part of that independence?

Can't I choose my own path, Dad?

Pursue my own ambitions?

Live my own dreams?

Your mother and I had dreams, too, Dane.

To give our children a better life.

Now, you want to live your dreams,

and try and kill your father-in-law in my house?

AND mess things up with my potential daughter-in-law?

'Should I...? No.'

I'm going now.

Well, great way to end the day.

Walked out of my job, walked out of my home,

and I feel like I'm walking away from Nicola.

TEXT ALERT

Nicola again!

Can't ignore her forever.

What the hell are you wearing?

It's vintage.

Part of my new vibe.

Very Hendrix.

You do realise vintage is a middle-class word

for second-hand, right?

I saw Frank Ocean wearing one, too.

Hendrix and Ocean.

Why are we even friends, Stefan?

Really?

That's really how you're talking at me now?

You see, this is why we're friends.

Because you're funny, even when you're not trying to be funny.

But you're one funny guy!

I've never known someone moan so much and be so hysterical with it.

I'm glad someone finds my life as much of a joke as I do,

cos I'm getting no love today.

I'm not the only one, bro. Have you checked out Twitter, lately?

I try not to.

Opinions are like arseholes,

and Twitter is basically a sewer for human opinion,

and the only things that swim in sewage are trolls.

I'm hitting away that negativity!

I've set up a Twitter account for you.

Look!

I've listed all your hashtags with your outbursts.

Not so much the drunk stuff, because, you know...

You're entering me for Dickhead Of The Year?

No, because I want to see if people think you're funny as I do.

And they do!

Look, you've got a tonne of retweets.

Ha! Who cares?

Who cares? Who cares?!

This means I'm right!

You should start being funny in front of an audience.

You could be the next...

Eddie Murphy slash Izzard, bro!

BELL TOLLS OMINOUSLY

Why have you been avoiding my texts?

We're supposed to be spending some time apart.

That's summat YOU decided.

Well, right after you threatened to tear my dad apart.

You mean, part-time dad.

What did you just say to me?

Did you just call my dad a part-time dad?

Part-time?

Your dick is part-time.

Still living at home...

Time-out, time-out.

I can't do this. I need advice.

Who can I speak to that would know about romance?

Hmm.

Listen, bro.

You have to ask yourself, can you live without her?

Romeo, is that you?

You're not who I'd imagine as my guardian angel.

Can you be like a skunk without a smell?

Like a tortoise without a shell?

Like a smile without a face?

Not everyone has lyrics like that.

I don't want to make promises that I can't keep.

My advice, don't lie to your girl.

This is important.

Dolce and Gabbana, or the Moschino, the Versace, or the Valentino...

None of those things really matter.

I feel that's more bars than advice.

HE LAUGHS

Listen, just follow your heart.

It will be all gravy.

Two multiplied by ten plus one.

Romeo done.

# Romeo... #

'My advice, don't lie to your girl.'

I don't want to get married.

What?

I don't want to get married.

Not yet, anyway.

I didn't mean to ask at the party or on your doorstep,

just that I was drunk, and there were so many people there,

and Christian's a doughnut, and...

What...?

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying, I love you,

I just can't spend the rest of my life with you

when I don't have a life of my own yet.

Well, why didn't you say something before?

I didn't want to let you down.

You understand?

Of course I do.

How did I find such a...

courageous and handsome man?

With such incredible oral skills.

Let me show you...

mine.

R&B MUSIC

We really are the perfect couple, aren't we?

'That's how I thought it would all play out.

'But actually, it went a little more like this.'

I don't want to get married.

GUITAR MUSIC

MUSIC STOPS

' "Don't lie to your girl." Yeah, thanks, Romeo.'

Did you realise

I was offered the opportunity to join Doctors Without Borders?

I didn't take it because I wanted to stay with you and plan a wedding!

OUR wedding!

-And now, you tell me that you don't want to get married?!

-I...

Don't say one word.

Let's all just take...

Shit.

I've known you for a long time, Dane.

But I NEED to be with someone who actually wants to be there.

And that's not you.

I think I handled that like a man.

Like my dad would do.

On the outside, sure.

On the inside...

MIMING: # She's out of my life

# It's out of my hands

# It's out of my hands

# So I've learned

# That love's not possession

# And I've learned

# That love won't wait

# Now I've learned

# That love needs expression

# But I've learned too late and

# She's out of my life

# She's out of my life

# Damned indecision

# And cursed pride

# I kept my love for her

# Locked deep inside

# And it cuts like a knife

# She's out of my

# Life

# Mm-mm. #

She's gone, bro.

I've lost her.

You haven't lost her.

You're finding yourself.

It's cool, homie.

I know you want a man hug.

Like in Straight Outta Compton?

Like Dr Dre? Yeah?

I don't want a hug, Stefan,

I want a different life, for God's sake.

Hey,

"All that you got in this world is your word and your balls..."

BOTH: "And you can't break them for nobody!"

Thanks, Stefan. You always know what to say, mate.

MUSIC: Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur

# I wonder why we take from our women

# Why we rape our women

# Do we hate our women?

# I think it's time to kill for our women

# Time to heal our women

# Be real to our women... #

I wanted to make a change.

Now, I've lost everything.

But with nothing to lose,

doesn't that mean I've got everything to gain?

This is a start.

Something is about to change.

# Oo-oh child

-# Things are gonna get easier

-Keep ya head up

# Oo-ooh child

-# Things'll get brighter

-Oh, oh

# Keep ya head up

# Oo-ooh, child

-# Things are gonna get easier

-Keep ya head up

# Oo-oh, child

# Things'll get brighter

# Ey, yo, I remember Marvin Gaye

# Used to sing to me

# He had me feeling like

# Black was the thing to be

# And suddenly the ghetto didn't seem so tough

# And though we had it rough

# We always had enough

# I huffed and puffed about my curfew

# And broke the rules

# Ran with the local crew

# And had a smoke or two

# And I realise Momma really paid the price

# She nearly gave... #

-KERRY:

-Shut up, Janet!