Episode 3 Sweat the Small Stuff


Episode 3

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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Hello, I'm Nick Grimshaw, and welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Hello, everyone! Welcome to Sweat The Small Stuff,

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the show that makes a big deal about the little things in life.

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Because the little things really are worth sweating about.

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You know, I've been seeing a lot on Syria on the news.

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I'm much more interested in seeing Suri Cruise.

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She's got her own fashion line. Seven years old.

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And I care about this stuff because it is worth sweating about.

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But I cannot sweat alone. So shall we meet our team captains?

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AUDIENCE: Yes!

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That's right, it's the urban Mel and Sue,

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the hip-hop Jedward, or as they like to market themselves,

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the R&B Chuckle Brothers.

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It's Rickie Haywood-Williams and Melvin Odoom!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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-You won last week.

-Yes, I did.

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-So, one-all now.

-I need to win this, Grimmy.

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This is all I've got. I need this.

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Rickie's got his good looks. But this is all I have.

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AUDIENCE: Aww!

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Don't give me that! He's going for the sympathy vote!

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-Don't believe him!

-Do you want this more than him?

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I'm going to crush him this week, I think.

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Well, let's meet the teams who are playing this evening.

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On Rickie's team this evening is an actress who's sweating it,

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because the last thing she remembers

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is being in Vin Diesel's hotel room last night,

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and that's a true story.

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It's Jaime Winstone!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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And joining them, a young comedian who's sweating it

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because the rule is, whenever there's another man

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in the room with an amazing quiff, I have to castrate them.

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-LAUGHTER

-It's Joel Dommett!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Over on Melvin's team we have a soon-to-be mother

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who's sweating it because there's a very good chance

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she'll give birth before the end of the show,

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and she really does not want Melvin Odoom's face

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to be the first thing that her baby sees.

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It might turn to stone! She's made it to show three, everybody!

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-It's Rochelle Humes!

-Just!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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It's a lovely little face!

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And joining them, we have a TV personality who is sweating it

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because Louis Spence is suing him for stealing his career path.

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It's Rylan!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Hi, guys!

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Good teams this week. How are we all? Are we all OK?

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Are you OK, Rochelle?

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You just make me laugh when you ask me that!

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Don't worry, I'm trying not to do it here!

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We've taken precautions, though.

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-You have?

-We've got a midwife.

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There she is. A midwife on hand.

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-We've got an ambulance and all that just outside.

-Oh, no!

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-If you need them.

-You're not serious, are you?

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Yes, that's outside!

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It's costing taxpayers money. An absolute fortune.

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LAUGHTER

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Also here, Jaime Winstone, everybody!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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-You all right?

-Very well.

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I'm very excited to be here.

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It's going to be fun.

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True story, that. Jaime Winstone said,

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"Oh, all I remember from last night

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"is being in Vin Diesel's hotel room."

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-Now, it's...

-How IS Vin Diesel?

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-Shut up, Grimmy!

-Explain!

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He's very well! No, we met him having a few drinks last night

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and, yeah, it was nice.

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My AND my boyfriend ended up with Vin...

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Ooh, very modern!

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He's a very modern man, is Vin Diesel!

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No, he's a very lovely guy. It was very nice. Very nice evening.

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What's been making you sweat, Jaime?

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Because it says on here, "LOL."

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Why has LOL been making you sweat?

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It just really gets under my skin.

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You "LOL" all the time, and it's really irritating.

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-What do you mean?

-"LOL! LOLS off! LOLS off!"

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It's like, just laugh out loud! Just laugh!

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-Oh, is it when people say it, or when they write it?

-Both!

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-I just think it's really stupid.

-LOL.

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LAUGHTER

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See what I mean? "LOLS! LOLS!"

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It's just, like, no! Just laugh!

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Sometimes, you can't ROFL, cos the carpet's dirty.

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LAUGHTER So you've got to say, "ROFL."

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-It is a nightmare sometimes.

-Yeah!

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I'm not ROFL-ing on that, so, like, ROFL.

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I don't want to roll on the... Where did T go, in ROFL?

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"Roll On THE Floor Laughing?" Who dropped the T?

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Oh, is that what that means?!

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-Yeah! What did you think it meant?

-I thought...oh, God!

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-LAUGHTER

-No, Rylan, we need to know.

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No, I don't know, but whenever I used to see it,

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I used to think, "Who's Rolf?"

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Everybody knew Rolf, but nobody could spell his name?

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Yeah! And it used to wind me up, because I used to think,

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"That's not how you spell it!"

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OK, it's time for round one. Are you ready, teams?

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-ALL: Yeah!

-Yes, they are ready. They are hyped.

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Now, Rickie, this week, this round it's all about one of your Sweats.

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It is about one of my Sweats.

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It's about, like, if you leave your phone somewhere,

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and then somebody goes through your phone without getting permission from you.

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Especially if it's your partner or somebody you're dating.

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It's not very cool, is it?

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What's on your phone that's so incriminating?

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-Why would you be angered?

-Just naughty photos.

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-Of you?!

-Some are of me.

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-Where is your phone?

-LAUGHTER

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-I tried to take a picture of...that before, and it doesn't work out.

-Why?

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Because you've got to, you know, you're trying to get the right angle,

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and at the same time, you're trying to keep it going.

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You're like, "OK, ohh! Ohh!"

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You're like, "Which filter do I put on?

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"Oh, God! It's gone again! It's gone again!"

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When I look through a friend's phone, I just think,

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"I want to send an awful text message to somebody."

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Or do, like, a tweet or something.

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-That's how I found out that my ex was cheating on me.

-Oh, really?

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Yeah, and it was when the iPhone just came out,

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and I'd just got one and he'd just got one,

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-and he was in panto. He was Aladdin.

-LAUGHTER

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Trust me, it gets so much better. Wait.

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He was like, "You've got an iPhone as well!"

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I was like, "Yeah, I got it yesterday."

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And he went and made a cup of tea, so I was having a look,

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and then it just popped up...

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"Oh, my God! Is he yours? I feel really bad now."

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So I was like, "What?"

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And it said, "Slide to read."

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You slide to read, do you know what I mean?!

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So I slid to read, and...

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You slid to read!

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Yeah, I slid to read,

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and it turns out, he was fucking Jafar.

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GASPS AND LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Oh, no!

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Well, we did some research,

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and found a very tiny story that says the majority of love cheats

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are found out by their partner going through their phones.

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So, teams, do you think that you can tell just by looking at someone

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if they are the phone snooper type? Rochelle, what do you think?

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-Do you think you could see it in someone's face?

-I don't know.

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See, I think people would think that I would do it, but I don't.

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-I think you would!

-I know, see? I've got that air about me.

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Rickie's team, what do you think?

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-Jaime reckons she would know someone straightaway.

-Yeah, I think so.

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I think there's something a bit witchy about Jaime.

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-LAUGHTER

-She's like a mad science witch!

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Well, I thought we'd put this to the test,

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so we rounded some people up on the street

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and asked them, "Have you ever gone through your partner's phone?"

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The way this is going to work,

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we'll see the person swear on this, The Quiff Of Me.

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The youths of Britain regard this as somewhat of like

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a Bible of the modern age.

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-It's like a hairy Bible. LOL!

-LAUGHTER

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We got them to swear on this to tell the absolute truth, and all you have

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to do is decide if they are indeed an evil, devious, phone snooper.

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We're going to start with your team, Rickie.

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First one, please. Are they a snooper?

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Hi, my name is Hannah, and on The Quiff Of Grimmy,

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I promise to tell the truth.

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Have you ever gone through your partner's phone?

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ALL: Ooh!

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What do you think, guys?

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I don't know, she looks pretty confident. Was she Aussie as well?

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-Did I hear an accent?

-I think so.

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-Definitely, then! Definitely!

-Definitely!

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-You're saying yes?

-We're saying yes. I reckon we're saying yes.

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Let's find out.

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-Yes.

-Why?

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Because I was a paranoid psycho!

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SHE LAUGHS

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APPLAUSE

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-OK, Melvin's team. One for you.

-OK.

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Hi, I'm Lauren. This is my boyfriend, James.

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And on The Quiff Of Grimmy, we swear to tell the truth.

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Have you ever gone through your partner's phone?

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LAUGHTER

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-Yes!

-I reckon she has,

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they then have a bitch fight in the street,

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he then throws the quiff at her,

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she then takes the scarf and lassos him with it,

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he starts crying, they kiss and make up,

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and then they get rid of their phones and live in a field.

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Let's find out if that's the answer!

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-Yes!

-James's?

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-Yes.

-Why?

-Erm...

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SHE LAUGHS For a few reasons.

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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ROCHELLE: Oh, no!

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The awkward journey home!

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Thank you for playing On The Quiff Of Grimmy!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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It says here, Joel Dommett,

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that you have been irritated by air fresheners? Pray tell.

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Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, I bought an air freshener the other day

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because I was forced to.

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My flatmate was like, "You need to get an air freshener,"

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and I don't know if anyone's seen this one,

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but it is the best thing that I have ever seen in my life.

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The first incredible feature of this air freshener

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is when you walk past it, it's got an infrared sensor on it,

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so it goes, "Pssst!"

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And fragrances your calf muscles, right.

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Second incredible feature of this air freshener,

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it is disguised as a stone!

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LAUGHTER

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As soon as I put it in my hallway, I was like,

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"Well, this doesn't go at all."

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Why would they make it dressed as a stone? What's the point?

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It just looks weird in my hallway.

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So I went outside and I got some real stones and I put it around it.

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Now I've got a rockery in the hallway.

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LAUGHTER

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OK, time now for Round Two.

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We have been asking our viewers what things

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they have been sweating about.

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Now, admittedly, an awful lot of the Sweats were foul.

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Luckily, there was at least one broadcastable

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comment and Sweat amongst the people of Britain.

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So I'm going to give both teams a clue as to what that Sweat was.

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And this week, the clue is in glorious 3-D.

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Teams, if you'd like to put on your 3-D glasses that you'll

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find in front of you. Check they're working,

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-once you've got your 3-D glasses on. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

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LAUGHTER

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BOTH: Wow!

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Yeah!

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LAUGHTER

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Whoa!

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LAUGHTER

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It's like Avatar!

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OK, teams.

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What is it about this

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that our viewers have been sweating about?

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MUSIC: "20th Century Fox Fanfare" by Alfred Newman

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Eeurgh, it's sour!

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LAUGHTER

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Any ideas what the audience could be sweating about from that incredible clue?

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What was it? A sweet?

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It was a sweet in my mouth with a film soundtrack. This might help.

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SHOPPING TILL DINGS

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-Yeah, that really helped.

-Yeah.

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LAUGHTER

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You'd tell us if we looked like pricks, right?

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LAUGHTER

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-Do you have any more clues?

-No.

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-Can I have a sweet?

-No.

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So it's about sweets and films.

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It is something about sweets and films.

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The price of sweets?

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The price of sweets in cinema.

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You're absolutely correct!

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The great British public have been sweating about very expensive

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pick and mix at cinemas.

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And the public are right.

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Pick and mix are insanely expensive and the real Sweat is that it's

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so expensive that people are turning to a life of crime.

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I recently had to remortgage my own house after

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a binge at the Swiss Cottage IMAX

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going to see Iron Man 3.

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The team have done some extensive research and discovered I'm not

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the only one who likes to exercise the "try before you buy" technique.

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Do you ever do that? Do you ever go and have a little one?

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-Yeah.

-I carry the box, "One for the box, some for me!"

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LAUGHTER

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Do remember, of course, that stealing is bad and wrong,

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especially if you get caught.

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Pick and mix theft is a gateway to a life of dark and dangerous crime.

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One day you're stealing strawberry laces in Swiss Cottage,

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the next you're trafficking humans across the border.

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It's a slippery slope.

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Leads us to our next game, Pick And Nick It.

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CHEERING

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OK, Jaime and Rylan, right here we have our very own

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pick and mix counter, complete with usher.

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-How are you?

-DEEP VOICE:

-I'm fine, Mr Grimshaw.

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AUDIENCE: Wooo!

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I am just an ordinary usher in an extraordinary situation.

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It's the movie guy from the films!

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The cinema voice-over man!

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APPLAUSE

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Are you the actual guy who does the films?

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Yeah, my name is Redd Pepper, I do movie trailers

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and television adverts and "Coming soon, one man in a world..."

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That's what I do.

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-Can you say our names?

-Yeah.

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Can you say "Rylan - The Musical."

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Rylan - The Musical.

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AUDIENCE: Wooo!

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LAUGHTER

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Could we have "Jaime Winstone stars with Vin Diesel"?

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How about Vin Diesel, Jaime Winstone

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as one.

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Coming soon!

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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-I love Redd Pepper!

-So intense!

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Usher, please can you reveal the sweets?

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Indeed.

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OK, Jaime and Rylan, in front of you each is a pile,

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£15 pile of pick and mix.

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What have we got there, Redd Pepper?

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We have Cornish dairy fudge,

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mice, foam banana.

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This is the sexiest sweetshop ever.

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LAUGHTER

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How about...jelly bears?

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LAUGHTER

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Enough, enough, Redd Pepper!

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Jaime and Rylan, you have until the music stops to stuff as many

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sweets as you can into your mouths.

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The person whose pile costs least at the end will win

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a point for their team. OK?

0:14:370:14:39

-This is all about tactics, Jaime.

-OK...

-What?

0:14:390:14:43

So we're eating it, or we're just filling our mouths?

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You can fill or swallow.

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LAUGHTER

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What did you do last night?

0:14:490:14:51

LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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-OK, Jaime, are you ready?

-I'm ready!

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-Rylan, are you ready?

-Yeah.

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OK, let's do this!

0:15:020:15:03

Eat those sweets!

0:15:030:15:05

Here we go!

0:15:050:15:07

Jaime's taking it slow.

0:15:090:15:12

There's more time.

0:15:140:15:15

Go for loads of light things.

0:15:150:15:18

I think Jaime Winstone's going to barf.

0:15:190:15:21

Rylan trying to get them in.

0:15:210:15:24

Go one, Jaime! Three, two, one!

0:15:240:15:26

OK, stop! Time is up!

0:15:260:15:28

CHEERING

0:15:280:15:31

OK.

0:15:310:15:33

Usher...

0:15:350:15:37

RYLAN BURPS

0:15:370:15:38

LAUGHTER

0:15:380:15:41

Usher, how did Rylan do?

0:15:410:15:43

Rylan has...

0:15:430:15:45

LAUGHTER

0:15:450:15:48

Rylan has...

0:15:510:15:52

..£7.60 left of sweets.

0:15:520:15:55

OK, £7.60 Rylan's got it down to!

0:15:550:15:58

Jaime got it down to...

0:15:590:16:01

£6.25!

0:16:010:16:03

Jaime Winstone is the winner!

0:16:030:16:06

Yes, Jaime!

0:16:060:16:07

APPLAUSE

0:16:070:16:09

Don't worry, Ry.

0:16:100:16:12

Thank you, Redd and thank you for playing Pick And Nick It!

0:16:120:16:15

CHEERING

0:16:150:16:18

OK, time now for Rickie and Melvin - The Challenges.

0:16:230:16:28

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:16:280:16:30

And this week's Sweat is all about spoilt celebrities

0:16:300:16:32

and their diva demands.

0:16:320:16:34

Rochelle.

0:16:340:16:36

LAUGHTER

0:16:360:16:37

Rickie, how do you think you got on with this?

0:16:370:16:40

Last week was really hard. I think I did all right this week.

0:16:400:16:42

-Did all right?

-I think so.

0:16:420:16:44

-Pretending to be a diva was fine for you?

-It was easy.

0:16:440:16:46

Melvin, do you think you've won this challenge?

0:16:460:16:49

No, but it was a lot of fun.

0:16:490:16:51

LAUGHTER

0:16:510:16:52

OK, let's find out how they got on as we play

0:16:520:16:54

Rickie and Melvin - The Challenges.

0:16:540:16:57

APPLAUSE

0:16:570:16:59

-Psst, down here. Hi, guys.

-Hello.

0:17:010:17:03

Sorry we had to meet here again.

0:17:030:17:04

Right, this week's challenge is all about celebrity divas,

0:17:040:17:07

when celebrities turn into spoilt eight-year-olds just

0:17:070:17:10

because they're famous.

0:17:100:17:12

Well, this week I'm going to transform you into those

0:17:120:17:14

celebrity divas.

0:17:140:17:16

I have your tasks here in gold envelopes.

0:17:160:17:20

OK, go and do it. Bye!

0:17:200:17:21

Oh, before you go, will you get me some toilet roll?

0:17:210:17:24

But black toilet roll. I don't do white toilet roll.

0:17:240:17:27

We could get punched today.

0:17:360:17:38

That one point is mine.

0:17:380:17:39

You know I'm going to win this.

0:17:390:17:42

I am so ready.

0:17:430:17:45

LAUGHTER

0:17:480:17:49

"Celebs rarely pay for stuff.

0:17:510:17:53

"Blag yourself a free gift." Nice one.

0:17:530:17:56

You all right?

0:17:580:17:59

Don't want to make a big deal out of this.

0:17:590:18:01

As you know, I'm a big celebrity.

0:18:010:18:04

How about two char chars for free? Yeah?

0:18:040:18:06

I'm Melvin Odoom, though.

0:18:080:18:10

Your choice.

0:18:110:18:13

Hey, fellas! How are you doing?

0:18:140:18:16

Rickie Haywood-Williams.

0:18:160:18:17

Who's got my free fish?

0:18:170:18:19

Free fish?

0:18:200:18:21

What?

0:18:230:18:24

"Convince someone you're being followed by paparazzi." What?

0:18:260:18:30

You're a lazy celeb. Get someone to carry you across the road.

0:18:300:18:35

LAUGHTER

0:18:350:18:37

Excuse me. Finally, someone who looks like they can help me.

0:18:370:18:40

I'm trying to get to that coffee shop over there.

0:18:400:18:42

Excuse me.

0:18:420:18:43

You know it's me, right?

0:18:440:18:46

Don't make it obvious.

0:18:460:18:48

There's a guy behind you, I think he's paparazzi.

0:18:480:18:51

And I can't afford to get pictured again.

0:18:510:18:54

Could you just give me a piggyback over there?

0:18:540:18:56

I'm not heavy.

0:18:560:18:58

I haven't even eaten today.

0:18:580:19:00

Can you just shield me with your jacket just across the road?

0:19:000:19:03

Is that cool? Mind the road, mind the road, mind the road.

0:19:030:19:07

APPLAUSE

0:19:070:19:09

Get your own VIP area in a restaurant.

0:19:200:19:24

Get someone to stir your coffee in an anticlockwise direction.

0:19:240:19:28

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Don't make it look like you recognise me or anything.

0:19:290:19:33

Would it be OK to kind of cordon off an area for me?

0:19:330:19:36

I've got a rope.

0:19:360:19:38

And if you cordon it off for me...

0:19:380:19:41

We don't have anything like that.

0:19:410:19:44

You don't know who I am?

0:19:440:19:45

Really?

0:19:450:19:47

Excuse me. Don't make a big deal out of it,

0:19:480:19:50

but could you possibly stir my drink for me?

0:19:500:19:53

It's Melvin Odoom. He doesn't stir his drink. It's getting cool.

0:19:530:19:57

It's got to be at room temperature.

0:19:570:19:58

No, no. Anticlockwise.

0:19:580:20:00

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:20:000:20:02

You can sell that online. Get some money for it, girl.

0:20:020:20:05

APPLAUSE

0:20:080:20:10

Well done, Rickie and Melvin.

0:20:120:20:14

However, the point goes to Melvin's team!

0:20:140:20:17

APPLAUSE

0:20:170:20:19

What's been making you sweat, Rylan?

0:20:220:20:24

It says on this card here,

0:20:240:20:26

a T-shirt on a tall boy makes you sweat. Why?

0:20:260:20:30

I didn't mean it like that.

0:20:300:20:31

I think she just got the wrong end of the stick on the phone.

0:20:310:20:34

LAUGHTER

0:20:340:20:36

Explain why. Explain.

0:20:390:20:40

Obviously, I'm six foot five, so...

0:20:400:20:43

-Why are you complaining about your height?

-Don't mind me.

0:20:430:20:46

-You will grow, I promise you.

-Don't say that next to Melvin!

0:20:460:20:48

Can we get you to stand up? Because Melvin and Rylan...

0:20:480:20:52

AUDIENCE: Awww!

0:20:520:20:53

-Look at that.

-I wish I was your height, man.

-No, do you know what?

0:20:530:20:56

I'm happy that I'm tall, but when I go shopping, obviously,

0:20:560:20:59

because I'm quite slim, I'm a small or an extra-small in size,

0:20:590:21:02

-but that means that when I stand up properly....

-LAUGHTER

0:21:020:21:06

It comes up there and I'm like wearing a belly top.

0:21:060:21:08

Right, teams, the next round is The Big Little Question.

0:21:100:21:13

Last week I asked my Radio 1 breakfast show listeners

0:21:130:21:15

the biggest little question that we've been sweating about

0:21:150:21:18

this week, and this is something I think that everyone can relate to.

0:21:180:21:22

We were inundated with texts about this, almost harassed.

0:21:220:21:24

I asked the question,

0:21:240:21:26

"What are the top three ways to be annoying online?"

0:21:260:21:30

I have three envelopes here. One, two, three.

0:21:300:21:33

Each of these envelopes contains one of the top three answers

0:21:330:21:36

for ways to be annoying online.

0:21:360:21:38

To win a point, one member of each team must select an envelope.

0:21:380:21:41

If they're brave enough to post whatever is in that envelope online,

0:21:410:21:45

they will win one glorious point for their team.

0:21:450:21:48

Do we want to do this?

0:21:480:21:49

-Yeah, let's do it.

-OK. Let's do this.

0:21:490:21:52

Rickie, which envelope would your team like?

0:21:520:21:56

-Let's go number three.

-OK, this is for you.

0:21:560:21:58

What is in there for a bonus point for your team,

0:22:000:22:03

-to embarrass yourself online?

-THEY LAUGH

0:22:030:22:06

Make sure you show it, please, to the camera, so we all know.

0:22:060:22:09

APPLAUSE

0:22:100:22:13

Rylan...

0:22:130:22:15

I'll only do it if you do the third one for me.

0:22:150:22:18

-OK.

-Is that fair?

-Well, it's bullying.

0:22:180:22:20

LAUGHTER

0:22:200:22:23

OK, well, you've got to do the topless selfie before I do this.

0:22:230:22:26

-Right now, yeah?

-Right now.

0:22:260:22:28

-OK, what, just get...

-Get it out!

0:22:280:22:30

If you want...

0:22:300:22:31

APPLAUSE

0:22:310:22:33

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen.

0:22:330:22:35

Listen. I need help. I need help. Rylan, you're a model.

0:22:350:22:38

Come and give me some help.

0:22:380:22:40

APPLAUSE

0:22:400:22:43

Listen, you've got to do it with me. You got to do it with me.

0:22:430:22:45

He just wants to undress you, Rickie. That's what's happening here.

0:22:450:22:49

I'm not ready for this.

0:22:490:22:50

-Joel, you sit down.

-Let me just get out of the way.

0:22:500:22:52

SCREAMING FROM AUDIENCE

0:22:520:22:54

Look at that.

0:22:540:22:55

-Rickie is tensing, so hard.

-Shut up, Rochelle!

0:22:550:22:58

I so am.

0:22:580:23:00

-OK, you two ready?

-RYLAN:

-Ready.

0:23:000:23:02

I've not got a body like that, as we all know.

0:23:020:23:04

-RICKIE:

-You've got to show a bit as well.

0:23:040:23:06

-Oh!

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, no, this is so embarrassing. You go.

0:23:060:23:10

This is so gay.

0:23:100:23:12

-Rickie's a pro.

-Done.

0:23:120:23:13

There we go. It's done, everybody.

0:23:130:23:15

APPLAUSE

0:23:150:23:17

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:23:170:23:20

Too much, Rylan. Too much.

0:23:200:23:22

Can we see the picture, please, Rickie on camera one?

0:23:220:23:25

-LAUGHTER

-Oh my God.

0:23:250:23:28

APPLAUSE

0:23:280:23:29

Right, we're going to post that online now. That is online.

0:23:290:23:32

You can go and see that right now.

0:23:320:23:34

Right, what do you want? One or two?

0:23:340:23:37

-Please can we have one?

-Here you go.

0:23:370:23:39

-Oh, sorry!

-Aargh!

0:23:390:23:40

LAUGHTER

0:23:400:23:42

Maybe that started the birth! Who's going to do it from your team?

0:23:420:23:45

-Ohhh.

-Who's going to do it?

-Lovey Dovey.

0:23:450:23:48

-For Rochelle, I think.

-Oh, Rochelle, you've got to do this.

0:23:480:23:51

-You have to do this.

-Melvin is going to think he's...

0:23:510:23:54

-Count his lucky stars at the minute!

-You don't have to do it to Marvin.

0:23:540:23:58

-Why don't you do another one?

-To who?!

0:23:580:24:00

Like that little 'un. Aston.

0:24:000:24:01

LAUGHTER

0:24:010:24:04

Tweet Aston, just being like, "I love you baby. I miss you."

0:24:040:24:07

Do you know how much hate I'm going to get from JLS fans?

0:24:080:24:12

-It'll be worth it for a laugh.

-What do you want me to say?

0:24:120:24:14

Just put... "Do you ever feel like you chose the wrong one out of the lot?"

0:24:140:24:18

LAUGHTER

0:24:180:24:20

-I can't!

-You can!

0:24:200:24:21

-I think that's sweet.

-Kiss kiss kiss.

-"Do you ever feel like...."

0:24:240:24:26

-No, just one kiss.

-No, at least six.

0:24:260:24:30

LAUGHTER

0:24:300:24:31

It's got to be more than one, so he'll know you're serious.

0:24:310:24:34

"..you chose the wrong one."

0:24:340:24:36

-Perfect.

-That's nice.

0:24:360:24:37

Oh, my God. That's going.

0:24:390:24:41

Well done, Rochelle. That will go online...

0:24:410:24:44

now, for a point for your team. It's online!

0:24:440:24:46

APPLAUSE

0:24:460:24:48

-That means I've got to do the third one?

-Yes.

0:24:500:24:52

You definitely have to after I've done that.

0:24:520:24:54

Humble Brag. I hate a Humble Brag.

0:24:540:24:56

I hate it. OK, where's my phone?

0:24:560:24:59

OK, why don't I say...

0:24:590:25:01

"I'm so sick of people telling me...

0:25:010:25:05

"..how fresh I look...

0:25:060:25:08

LAUGHTER

0:25:080:25:10

"..after presenting...

0:25:100:25:11

"..a national breakfast show..."

0:25:130:25:14

"..and a BBC Three panel show."

0:25:170:25:20

LAUGHTER

0:25:200:25:21

"I've got good genes. Sue me."

0:25:210:25:23

LAUGHTER

0:25:230:25:25

That is literally the worst Tweet of all time.

0:25:250:25:28

That is awful.

0:25:280:25:30

It's making me angry.

0:25:300:25:32

I want to unfollow myself.

0:25:320:25:33

-I'm going to re-Tweet it!

-Here we go.

0:25:330:25:35

And that is going online....

0:25:350:25:38

Now! What am I doing this for?

0:25:380:25:40

I don't even have a point!

0:25:400:25:42

-LAUGHTER

-I'm just being a dick.

0:25:420:25:44

LAUGHTER

0:25:440:25:46

OK, well done, teams. That's incredible work.

0:25:460:25:49

APPLAUSE

0:25:490:25:50

OK, time now for the Sweatbox,

0:25:520:25:54

where you get to actually help members of this very audience

0:25:540:25:56

who will tell you what small thing they have been sweating about.

0:25:560:26:00

Do your best to help them out with advice,

0:26:000:26:02

and whichever team they decide has given them the most help

0:26:020:26:05

will get the point. Are you ready, teams?

0:26:050:26:07

-Yes.

-Yes, we are.

0:26:070:26:09

Good. Who's in the Sweatbox?

0:26:090:26:10

-Hi, I'm Lorette.

-what have you been sweating about, Lorette?

0:26:100:26:15

Well, my boyfriend is a massive crybaby.

0:26:150:26:18

-Oh, no!

-Oh, no.

0:26:180:26:19

Why is he crying?

0:26:190:26:20

He does this thing where,

0:26:220:26:23

when he sees roadkill on the side of the road,

0:26:230:26:26

he prays in his head in the hope that it goes to heaven.

0:26:260:26:29

Oh, my God! Every time I see a dead fox

0:26:290:26:32

or dead whatever, I'm like, "Oh, my God."

0:26:320:26:34

LAUGHTER

0:26:340:26:35

-Is your boyfriend here?

-He is.

-Where?

0:26:350:26:38

LAUGHTER

0:26:380:26:40

So, does he only cry at roadkill?

0:26:400:26:41

He cries at films as well. Bridesmaids is quite a...

0:26:410:26:44

-Bridesmaids?!

-LAUGHTER

0:26:440:26:47

Any advice? What advice would you give Lorette in the sweatbox?

0:26:470:26:50

If he cries like a baby all the time, next time he cries,

0:26:500:26:53

give him a cuddle, cradle him like a baby, get your boob out,

0:26:530:26:55

-put your nipple in his mouth...

-LAUGHTER

0:26:550:26:58

..give him some milk! Everyone's a winner.

0:26:580:27:00

Rickie's advice is to breastfeed your adult boyfriend.

0:27:010:27:06

-Rylan's got some advice.

-Rylan?

-Go on.

-Do you know what?

0:27:060:27:09

I think you should count yourself fucking lucky,

0:27:090:27:11

cos I've been single for four years and he's a good-looking lad,

0:27:110:27:14

and you seem like a lovely couple.

0:27:140:27:15

AUDIENCE: Awww!

0:27:150:27:17

APPLAUSE

0:27:170:27:19

ROCHELLE: He's going to go!

0:27:210:27:23

Thinking about your boyfriend!

0:27:260:27:28

Whose advice are you going to go for, Team Rickie or Team Melvin?

0:27:280:27:32

Definitely Team Melvin.

0:27:320:27:33

Yeah!

0:27:330:27:35

APPLAUSE

0:27:350:27:37

That was the final round. Thank you, Sweatboxer.

0:27:380:27:42

APPLAUSE

0:27:420:27:45

So, that is it, and I can reveal that tonight's winners are...

0:27:450:27:49

Melvin's team!

0:27:490:27:51

APPLAUSE

0:27:510:27:54

A big thank you to Rickie, Jaime Winstone,

0:27:570:28:00

Joel Dommett, Melvin,

0:28:000:28:03

Rochelle, and Rylan.

0:28:030:28:05

This has been Sweat The Small Stuff.

0:28:050:28:07

I've been Nick Grimshaw. Goodnight.

0:28:070:28:09

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:28:090:28:12

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:290:28:31

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