Episode 3 Sweat the Small Stuff


Episode 3

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This programme contains some strong language.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello. I am Nick Grimshaw. Welcome

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to Sweat The Small Stuff. Joining Melvin Odoom's team, the comedian

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Tom Davies and a woman who is sweating because Melvin is meant to

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be 100 feet away from her at all times, it's Sarah Harding. On

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Rochelle's team it's Iain Stirling and the star of Made In Chelsea who

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is sweating he is afraid his trousers might fall down, it's

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Spencer Matthews. Let's go and Sweat The Small Stuff. Come on. Hello

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everyone. Hi. This is the show all about those little annoyances in

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everyone. Hi. This is the show all life because life's little

:01:10.:01:11.

annoyances really are worth worrying about. This week, for example, I

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have been sweating about child stars growing up and looking all weird.

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That kid from the 6th Sense, he was nice. He would be nice as your son.

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This is him here. That's a nice son. Ah!

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Look at him now. It's like... LAUGHTER

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Happy Hallowe'en! It's like the middle of his face - because he was

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so successful, the middle of his face has went, I'm done. Let's start

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by finding out how our team captains are. Melvin Odoom, how are you? I am

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very well, man. Nice to see you I miss you all week. I can come and

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stay with you if you like. You could share a bed with me. We could do

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tops and tails, Grimmy. Rochelle, how are you? Good. How are you? You

:02:05.:02:08.

look beautiful tonight. I don't know. Thank you very much. Did you

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see yourself in Heat magazine this week? In one of those Who Wore It

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Best Things. You versus a massive celeb.

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I can't tell who's who. Which one are you?

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Sarah Harding, welcome to the show. Sarah, you were in that film St

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Trinians 2. You were an track tress in that -- you were an actress in

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that, did you sweat over what to wear to the Oscars? Are you mad we

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didn't make it to the Oscars? What! Outrage. Spencer Matthews from Made

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In Chelsea is here. Hello. How are you? People love spinner Matthews.

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-- Spencer Matthews. Surprisingly. Did you have to do acting lessons

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before you started Made In Chelsea or did you just start and went

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straight on? or did you just start and went

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stuff, that's just how it is. Jamie and I were saying the other day how

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is it without putting effort into the show it seems to keep going

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Because it's made up and scripted. It's not. I always hang out by the

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Thames! Hey! If you ever ask me to go to the Thames, I will be like

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something terrible's going to happen. You could argue it would be

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nicer if you dumped someone without any cameras being there. Tom Davis

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is here everybody. I don't know if anyone has mentioned this to you,

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you're bloody massive. I am officially a giant. A giant on the

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show! Stand up a second. Let's see this giantness in real life. Melvin,

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do it as well, for perspective. Both go to the front around here so we

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can see you are not stood on the Yellow Pages. Tom, hold your hand up

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as high as possible. Do both, why not. Let's have a party. Melvin if

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you can high-five Tom I will give you a point for the team. Higher!

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Higher! Yes! APPLAUSE

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Right, let's get on with the show. It's time for Quiff of Grimmy. It's

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about something Rochelle has been sweating about. What is that thing?

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Not me personally. But my friend wet herself. Vanessa? No, it's not a

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Saturday. I am a little bit worried this is what I have to look forward

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to. Apparently when you have kids you can just wet yourself. Have you

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ever weed yourself, Sarah? You must you can just wet yourself. Have you

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have. Almost. When I was on tour, you know, and hit the high notes.

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Did you say you pissed yourself Almost, yeah. Rochelle, you know how

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JLS have condoms... Which really worked for us. They've got their

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condoms. Maybe The Saturdays could do like nappies. In ence nappies,

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you could call them Shat-a--days. That's brilliant! Is that real? No,

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it's not real! It's a prop. I thought we would find out how common

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it was. We put it to the test. We asked people on the street have you

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ever wet yourself? The way this is going to work we will see the person

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swear on this. Again a little bit too much smoke.

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We will get it right next week. Because it's Hallowe'en we thought

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it would be the Quiff of Grimmy Reaper. You like that?

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APPLAUSE. Tom doesn't like that. I am slightly

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scared, that's all. What would you give that joke out of ten? Probably

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go seven. We wept around the country and -- went around the country and

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got the public to swear they were telling the truth. All you have to

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do is decide if they look like the sort of person who has wet

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themselves as an adult. It's a high-brow quiz. You go first,

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Rochelle's team. The first potential pisser, please. Swear to tell the

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truth. Have you ever wet yourself as an adult? She looks like she's doing

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it now. How do they know? I think yeah, she is a

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it now. How do they know? I think has, she's going to say no. I

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it now. How do they know? I think going to say no. OK, they're

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it now. How do they know? I think no. Yes. When? A couple of weeks

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ago. After a night out. Not proud of it. I love her. She's honest. And

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really sad. Melvin's team you are up next.

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Hi, I swear to tell the truth. Have you ever wet yourself as an adult?

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Definitely. Sarah, you were right in there. Why do you think he looks

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like he wet himself? He looks naughty. He looks a little cheeky. I

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think if you scared him enough he would piss himself. You are saying

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yes? We are going to go yes. No Not yet. I might have come close. But

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no. Not yet. Not yet like he wants to one day. Drinking a lot, not

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going to the toilet a lot. Keep reaching for that dream. Rochelle's

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team you are up next. We swear on the Quiff of Grimmy to tell the

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whole truth. Have you ever wet yourself as an adult? I don't think

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they've answered no to a question in a long time. They have pissed

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themselves. Let's find out. Yes All the time. I actually peed... She's

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proud she's won something. We are not offering a prize for the most

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incontinent person we speak to. For years I have been trying to get rid

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of Scottish stereotypes and two girls go on, piss? I do it all the

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time! I piss on her, she pisses on me. We piss on

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time! I piss on her, she pisses on world over! They look like a nice

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time! I piss on her, she pisses on people of Great Britain, especially

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Scotland. APPLAUSE

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It's time now for Grimmy Veryings. Every -- Investigates. Every week I

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ask people what their biggest sweats are concerning a specific topic

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Then I will pick one of those sweats and attempt to investigate it for

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them. Once again I feel this deserves a deck series open --

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detective series opening title sequence. Last week we had Poirot.

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Here he is. This week more mouse touches -- moustaches as I am Magnum

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PI. Ask your mum. APPLAUSE

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Love that. It's good. This week s chosen sweat topic was Hallowe'en.

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We got pretty amazing texts. The sweat that really caught my eye came

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from Keeley who lives in Barrow In Furness which I have never heard of.

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And her sweat is pumpkins. I thought as it is nearly Hallowe'en

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I would find out which one of our panelists is the biggest scaredy cat

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in a game we have called Terror Eyes. It's good, right. Before the

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show we secretly filmed each of the panelists watching a video of a dead

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snake. We filmed to see their reaction to see who

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snake. We filmed to see their scared. Let's play this to you now

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so you know what I am talking about. Terrifying! But this game I want

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teams for a point, I want you to tell me who you think gave the most

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terrifying reaction to that video. Rochelle's team which panelist do

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you think was the most scared? You can choose one of your team if you

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fancy. I think Melvin pissed himself. I think I was up there

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though. I reckon when the snake jumped at Tom he tried to punch it.

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Who are you going to say, Rochelle? I would like to think Melvin was

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more scared than me. Be honest, though. I shit myself. You are going

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Rochelle. Melvin's team, who do you think was the biggest scaredy cat.

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Choose someone from your own team. Sarah, how scared were you? You are

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still shaken up about it. What are you going to go for, Tom who looks

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like the biggest pussy around? I am going to go with Sarah. You look

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terrified even now. She looks scared now. We are going to look at the top

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three reactions. At number three it's Spencer!

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Oh my God! Oh... At number two, it's Sarah.

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Is that eating someone? It's very big. Argh!

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Is that eating someone? It's very panelist, and it's better than that,

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I can't panelist, and it's better than that,

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this, is Rochelle. Argh! !

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APPLAUSE That was amazing. So amazing. We

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could have a slow-mo replay. Let's have that in

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slow-mo. Let's look at the worst bit. We have

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a still here. That would go with the Shat-a--days.

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We are going to give you a bonus point for your team. Thank you for

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playing Grimmy Investigates. APPLAUSE

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Spinner, are you strug -- Spencer are you centringling -- struggling

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tonight because you are on telly and no one's telling you what emotion to

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convoy? -- convey? Can we see how good you are at conveying emotion

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right -- emotion right now? Look down camera one and convey the

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following emotions. OK. First up you are angry because your

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butler left a handprint on the bodywork of your Bentley. You are

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now confused after a working class person walked past you without

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bowing. APPLAUSE

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Can we see happy like you have just checked your bank account?

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LAUGHTER The many faces of Spencer

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LAUGHTER OK. It's time now for Rochelle and

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Melvin, The Challenges. Each week I challenge our Captains, Melvin and

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Rochelle, to take a small sweat out on to the faces of the public. This

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week it's about lad culture, you know those groups of like top lads

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who like down drinks and tell implausible stories about how many

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birds they've shaged. Would you say you are like a top lad? Don't really

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know. I thought I would spend Rochelle -- send Rochelle and Melvin

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out to see what would happen if they became lads for the night. Rochelle,

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how did you enjoy becoming a proper top lad for the night? I hated it.

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Did you? I never cringed... I died a little doing it. Let's find out who

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the biggest lad is in The Challenges.

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Are you wearing make-up? It's just base foundation.

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How do you reckon you will do? I am going to win this competition. How

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do you expect to beat me on a lad contest? Of course I am not worried.

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I have a secret weapon. It's down here. In my pants in case it wasn't

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clear. Will I beat Melvin? Is the referee a banker? Task one, approach

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a group of top lads, buy them a round of drinks... And challenge

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them to down a pint with you. Yeah! Sorry lads, sorry to interrupt, do

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you know if that's the right time? Hi, fellas, do you mind if I sit

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down here? Thanks. I am waiting for my mates here. I have some news to

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celebrate, I have been accepted my mates here. I have some news to

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the reserves for Fulham. I just want to celebrate, I want to sta

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drinking. Can I get a round with us? I want to start the drinks rolling.

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Do you want a beer to celebrate the football? Cool. Right, let's get the

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drinks in. Let's down this. Congratulations. Let's down them.

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Task two. Start a lad chat about football. Get as many high-ifies as

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-- high-fives as you can. Did you see the football last night? Um no,

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we were out. Fulham Reserves as in footie? Who did you play for before

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that? Luton. We are going to Brazil so we are buzzing about that Are you

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a football fan? Burnley. Sorry about that. We made it and we are very

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happy. High-five to that one. Oh, yeah! I am always backing my boys,

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you know. In the snooker hall yesterday, let's just say I poted

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the pink and the -- potted the pink and the brown. You can use that one,

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it's free of charge. Task number three, challenge and defeat a lad in

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an arm wrestle. Welcome to the gun show. My legs are in great shape at

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the moment. But my arms, I have been trying to work on the top half more.

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I have been going to the gym lately, trying to get a bit of gun action. I

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want to arm wrestle right now. I am trying to get a bit of gun action. I

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fighting fit. We will do an wrestle. Don't you worry. Come on,

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let's try. All right. It must be the drink. Oh, no, you

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are going to take me down. OK, see, I need to work out some more.

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Melvin wins the challenge! Melvin,

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Melvin, Melvin! Rochelle, you really didn't stand a chance. I am pleased

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I didn't win. Why? I don't want to be... It would have been great if

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you weren't a - if you won the challenge. It's time for Quick Fire

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Sweats. Teams will have to pitch a sweat to the audience against the

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clock. If they persuade the majority of the audience that it's annoying

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they'll get a point for their team. The way the audience are going to

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vote is by using these things here. They have a blue Grimmy card and a

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red Grimmy card. After the sweat is pitched I will ask them to hold up

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the annoyed face. But hold up the nice blue one if you don't find it

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annoying. Rochelle's team, you are going to go first. OK, my Quick Fire

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Sweats is, guys that think you can play the guitar and it's an air

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guitar, what's the point? You put a stupid facial - this stupid. It

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doesn't even look... Can we see it. I can't even do it. Music, please.

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Do it! MUSIC Oh, yeah! Oh, Spencer! Here we go.

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It's an air guitar-off! This is nice.

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It's an air guitar-off! This is about, what's annoying about that?

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That's exactly my point. Audience vote now. What do we think? They're

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blue. You kind of like air guitar. You don't get a point. Melvin's team

:21:56.:22:03.

what is your Quick Fire Sweats? I am annoyed by horoscope, especially

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phonelines, the only thing they can predict is you will ?1.59 poorer.

:22:07.:22:15.

The symbols - the only symbol I like is the Cancer because it looks like

:22:16.:22:23.

a 69. I do know what you mean about horoscopes. But then again I am a

:22:24.:22:32.

typical Leo. I have got one. Embarrassing tattoo. I have an Aries

:22:33.:22:38.

and Pisces sign and it says love in the middle. Is that you and Marvin's

:22:39.:22:44.

signs? What a weird way to hold your wrist up! It would be upside down!

:22:45.:22:59.

OK, audience vote. What do we think? I think it's definitely red. A point

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to Melvin's team. That was the end of Quick Fire Sweats.

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APPLAUSE OK. Time for a return of the Sweat

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Box where you help members of the audience. They'll tell you what

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they've been sweating about and you must help them out with advice.

:23:19.:23:21.

Which ever team they decide has given them the most help will get

:23:22.:23:26.

the points. Who is first in the Sweat Box tonight? Hi, I am Kelly. I

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get the same bus to work every day and seeing the same people, saying

:23:31.:23:35.

hello. Then I see them at the shops and don't know if it's acceptable to

:23:36.:23:38.

have a conversation with them. Are they my friends? I see people all

:23:39.:23:40.

the time and I am like, do I say they my friends? I see people all

:23:41.:23:48.

hi, how are you doing? they my friends? I see people all

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take Spencer's advice, have you seen Made In Chelsea? Always put in,

:23:54.:23:57.

lovely to see you when it's awkward. Say hi, how are you? Yeah, good

:23:58.:24:03.

Lovely to see you. Take care, see you soon. And you are out. It's

:24:04.:24:09.

over. APPLAUSE

:24:10.:24:11.

They're saying be really cold and say lovely to see you, buy, I am

:24:12.:24:17.

busy. Melvin's team, what advice would you give? Mix it up a bit

:24:18.:24:21.

Sometimes be horrible. Sometimes be nice. Keep it interesting. They go,

:24:22.:24:26.

shit, which woman are we going to get today? Go, how are you? Other

:24:27.:24:34.

times go... Whose advice are you going to take? I might go for

:24:35.:24:39.

Rochelle's. APPLAUSE

:24:40.:24:44.

Right, who is next in the Sweat Box tonight? My sweat is a couple of

:24:45.:24:48.

years ago I planned to get a tattoo done and it's got to say nanny. I

:24:49.:24:54.

went on Google, got a translation and got it on me but it doesn't say

:24:55.:25:00.

nanny, it says goat. I don't actually know what to do. You have

:25:01.:25:08.

the word goat, do you like goats? I don't. This is easy, you have a

:25:09.:25:17.

baby, name the baby goat. APPLAUSE.

:25:18.:25:19.

Sound advice from Iain Stirling there. Melvin's team what's your

:25:20.:25:26.

advice? Well, there is a rapper called LL Cool J, he had an album

:25:27.:25:38.

called Greatest Of All Time. You could say your nanny was the

:25:39.:25:44.

greatest. The advice is call your first-born goat or follow in

:25:45.:25:48.

greatest. The advice is call your footsteps of LL?

:25:49.:25:52.

greatest. The advice is call your , who is next in the Sweat Box? Hi,

:25:53.:26:00.

my sweat is I am nearly 22. Is that too old to have a really, really bad

:26:01.:26:06.

obsession with Dr Who? Let's find out just how big a fan Ruby, nearly

:26:07.:26:14.

22 is of Dr Who. I am scared. Ladies and gentlemen, can we make some

:26:15.:26:19.

noise for MrMatt Smith! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:26:20.:26:33.

Matt Smith! Oh my God! I can't believe you are here. No problem. I

:26:34.:26:45.

can't believe you are on Sweat The Small Stuff. Would have been better

:26:46.:26:51.

than Spencer! Matt Smith! APPLAUSE

:26:52.:26:54.

Ruby, what about that? He has grown his hair back. She's a real fan Do

:26:55.:27:04.

you have actual posters? Yeah. Like you get in kids' magazines. Out

:27:05.:27:14.

fortnightly. Can you do that thing, name all the doctors? For a point go

:27:15.:27:25.

on. Patrick, John Tom Baker, Peter Davidson, Sylvester McCoy,

:27:26.:27:31.

Christopher he canlen to -- Ecclestone, David Tenent and Peter

:27:32.:27:38.

Capaldi at Christmas. APPLAUSE.

:27:39.:27:41.

I don't think this is a dilemma I love that you love Dr Who. Love what

:27:42.:27:49.

you want to love. Yeah, girlfriend! You don't need advice. You be proud

:27:50.:27:53.

that you are a geek. Ladies and gentlemen, Ruby! We are going to let

:27:54.:28:08.

you leave in a Tardis style. Ready, ruby? Everybody say bye, Ruby. Wow!

:28:09.:28:19.

Right, that's it. I can reveal that tonight's winners are... Rochelle's

:28:20.:28:27.

team! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:28:28.:28:36.

A big thank you to Rochelle and Spencer and Iain, Melvin and Sarah

:28:37.:28:43.

and Tom. I am Nick Grimshaw. You have all been beautiful. Good night

:28:44.:28:46.

everybody.

:28:47.:28:55.

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