Aren't Women Daft? The Archiveologists


Aren't Women Daft?

Diane Morgan and Joe Wilkinson parody a 1980s safety video. Do not try this at home.


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Caroline Gimble spends most of her time like any other housewife,

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but at weekends she allows her husband

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to drive his motorcycle over her face.

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Clearly, she hasn't got the brains she was born with.

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-Why do I always have to go under the plank!

-Shut up, you daft cow!

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Whilst being driven over by a motorcycle,

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the dangers are clear enough, but at home they're less obvious

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and it's easy to forget safety precautions.

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Why would he want to ride his bike over my face?

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I don't understand it. Look at me, I'm still shaking!

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PHONE RINGS

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What's that ringing noise?

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What's this ringing noise?

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-ON PHONE:

-It's Jerry. Is your hair still massive?

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Oh, hello, Jerry. How are you?

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I've been shitting through the eye of a needle and I've blocked up

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the lav again if you fancy coming round and having a look.

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So if I come round to your house at, say, about 6.30?

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OK, I won't flush it, then.

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I've got a picture of me on a motorcycle

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and I'm not holding the handlebars.

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-Couldn't give a shit, love.

-I thought you might say that.

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Ooh! The baby started a fire!

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The baby started a fire!

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Help! My bra's too tight!

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I don't know what to do, my bra's too tight!

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Sounds like your house is burning down.

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Anyway, I've got to go. Bullseye's started. Bye!

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I bet you think this sort of thing never happens.

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Think again. It happens every day.

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I know because in this hospital we have many of the victims,

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men who, because of the carelessness of women,

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have lost many things they value.

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I could stare at you all day.

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Last year, fire brigades had to deal with over 14,000 fires caused

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by women that could have been avoided by following

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one simple safety rule - never leave a woman unattended.

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This husband only turned his back for a second

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and the daft moo still managed to do this.

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This chair's been set on fire by a woman

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because she was left unattended.

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How did a woman get up there?

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That's a disaster waiting to happen.

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This man's wife forgot to put an ashtray on his chest,

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so now he's making her stand on a chair.

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Many women have dirty spectacles, so have trouble walking down stairs.

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Why are you so rubbish at walking down stairs?

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Well, I've walked down them stairs 43 years. I mean...

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-Did you have dirty spectacles?

-No, not exactly.

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Well, there's your answer.

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You've seen 25 women who regularly cause accidents.

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Our women are so familiar that we always assume they're safe,

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but they're only as safe as we make them.

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It pays to give women the attention they deserve.

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The alternative is just not worth thinking about.

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Diane Morgan and Joe Wilkinson parody a 1980s safety video. Do not try this at home.


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