Browse content similar to Episode 3. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
What are you doing? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
We are going for a ramble. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
-What do you want to do that for? -Fresh air and good company. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
-We're a club. -Do you get paid? | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
-No. -What's the point in doing it, then? | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
Everyone should do it. You look like a healthy chap with your bike there. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
Sometimes when people get a bit older, they tend to veg by the telly, don't they? | 0:00:20 | 0:00:24 | |
You should take your mum and dad on a ramble. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
My mum and dad climb mountains. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Yeah, they say rambling's for pussies. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
Well, this walk has got a difficulty rating of 8.5. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:35 | |
You can tell that to your parents! | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
-Where's Tom? -I think he went to get a cup of tea. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
-Yeah?! Come on, then! -Right. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:45 | |
Sorry, he's fine, he's with me. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
He's sorry. Thank you. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
It's a red mist again, Bob, it just came down, I couldn't help it. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
-What happened? -He jumped the queue. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
Or I did, I don't remember which way round. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
We're all here, you can start your little talk now, Bob. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
Thank you. Welcome, everybody, to today's walk, which is our yearly trip to the coast. Hooray! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:21 | |
I know we've all been looking forward to this, and that's why I've prepared the route most carefully. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:27 | |
-Here it is. On we go. -Er, hang on. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
That's the same walk we did last year. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
And we never even saw the sea, Dad. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
All the way to the south coast and we never saw the sea. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Yeah, we just kept looking for that burial mound thing. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
And you said the information board was wrong, and you made us write all those letters. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
Well, this was going to be a surprise for all of you, | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
thank you for spoiling it, but because of those letters, drum roll... | 0:01:47 | 0:01:52 | |
English Heritage have erected, drum roll... | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
A brand new information board. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
And I knew how keen you'd all be to see it. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
Everyone wanted a coastal route, Bob. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
Their expectations have been dashed upon the rocks of arrogance. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
This sort of thing's been showing up a lot in the surveys. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
Surveys? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
My anonymous survey, conducted amongst the group's membership. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
"The walk leader can be overbearing at times, | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
"and is ignorant of basic foot care." | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
I can't tell you who said that, it's anonymous. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
"He doesn't listen to me, or my husband, Joe." Again, anonymous. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
Well, we may not get to see the sea, but is that necessarily what a coastal walk is all about? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:36 | |
Let's take a vote. Who wants to go and look at an old pile of earth like they did last year? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:41 | |
-WHISTLE -Bias in the question. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
And who wants to go for a lovely walk along the delightful and beautiful English coastline? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:48 | |
-Nobody, I should think. -Motion carried. Let's walk. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
I built this walk up from nothing to seven members in under six years, | 0:03:13 | 0:03:18 | |
and she thinks she can come and take all that from me. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
-Is there something else, Dad? -No, there isn't. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
You look really upset, like when you've seen a famine on the news, or an apostrophe in the wrong place. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:28 | |
All right, Hazel, yes, in fact there is something else. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
-I'm in a queue. -What for, Joe? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
Man Of Speed at Castle Donington. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
-Is this a me treat, an us treat, or a you treat? -You'll love it, Soph. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
They have to race a car, then a plane, and then a speedboat. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
It's like a triathlon for James Bond. There's bound to be a fatality. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
And if I book us in the VIP area, we get to meet Dizzee Rascal. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:50 | |
Found any treasure yet, Tom? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
-Depends what you mean by treasure. -Well, what have you found? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
-Fridge freezer. -Not treasure. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
-Lilt can. -Not treasure. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
Half a Nokia like Bob used to have. | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
-Not treasure. -50p. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
-Well, that's a start. -Yeah. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Well, it was already in my pocket, but I forgot it was in there, so that still counts. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:07 | |
I reckon it's only a matter of time before I find a big load of gold, you know. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
Like that bloke who was on the news, he was on the sick. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
You need a bit of money, don't you, if you're going to treat a lady. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
-Oh! -Any particular lady, Tom? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
Keira Knightley, Lily Cole, Kate Winslet? | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Or, like, all three of them welded together and stuffed inside a yellow anorak? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:27 | |
I'm trying, I'm trying to concentrate. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Don't forget you've got to halve whatever you find with the landowner. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
What, so out of this half a Nokia, I've only actually got a quarter of a Nokia? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:37 | |
Oh, what's the point? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Hi, yeah, two tickets, please. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
No, it's from work, came this morning. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
They're making efficiency savings. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
I don't know for sure, but I might be one of them. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
It's not going to be that, is it, Dad? | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 | |
They'd get you in face to face if it was that. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
Well, there's a bit of history between me and human resources. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
I might have said that if everyone does their job with a bit of care, their department's not needed. | 0:04:55 | 0:05:00 | |
So, essentially, they're a waste of time and space. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Do they know you said that? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
I might've said it in a lift, yes. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
And at the sandwich shop. And at a Christmas party. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
Into a microphone. I'm 50, Hazel. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
If I lose this job, that's it. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
That's it for me. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
I don't get it, Soph. This one's declined, this one's declined. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
Let's just enjoy the walk. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
I've tried all the platinum ones. I'll have to go down to the gold ones now. It's just embarrassing. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:27 | |
Hey, maybe our identity's been thefted, you know? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
Someone's had a look at our amazing lifestyle | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
-and said, "I'm having some of that." -I stopped the credit cards, Joe. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
You know how hard it's been with the candle shops and with you... | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
-not working. -Now, hang on... | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
I know, I know, designing the games room is a job in itself, but... | 0:05:42 | 0:05:46 | |
we've got to cut back, quite a lot. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
-You don't love me! -Oh... -That's it, you don't love me. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
Oh, of course I do. Money and love, they're not the same thing, you know? | 0:05:52 | 0:05:57 | |
You're confusing me now with these... | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
-Riddles. -I would love you, Joe, even if you were poor. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:03 | |
Which, in a way, you are. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
But, Sophie, I have this nightmare, | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
you and me, many years from now, side by side on our deathbeds, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:14 | |
tears running down our faces because we never got to see men | 0:06:14 | 0:06:20 | |
racing cars and planes and speedboats | 0:06:20 | 0:06:24 | |
all in one earth-shattering day at Castle Donington. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
Sorry, Joe. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Let's just open it, cos it won't be what you think it is, and then you can just relax. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:37 | |
No, not now. I have to put personal stuff to one side. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
The walk leader is responsible for everything and everybody. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
No one else can do it. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Everybody stop! Snack time. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
Sorry, what's all this? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Protein balls. For energy and healthy toenail growth. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
Don't worry, they're on me. They were a massive hit in Barnstaple. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
Fudgy walnut or perky pecan, Tom? | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
F-fudgy walnut, please. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
-Thought as much. -They're like little poos of goodness. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
There's no metal in that. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-Would you like one, Bob? -No, I'm good. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
-I think you should have one. -Not hungry. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
You look like you need one. They've got ginseng in them. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:15 | |
That's nature's very own crystal meth. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
I'm fine. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
(Are you all right, Bob?) | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
If there's anything wrong, Bob, you can tell us. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
It's summer in England. Life's so good, it's gone off the scale, | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
come back round again into terrible, then carried on till it's good again. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:36 | |
I've lapped myself! Oh, thank you. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
Mmm! Tasty and brown. Right, on we go, come on. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
Oh, look everybody, a red kite. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
Yeah, they've made a real comeback, like, like moleskin notebooks, | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
except red kites aren't bought by idiots with too much money! | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
So, er, it's a month since you promised me that kiss. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
I've got three days left, Victor. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:10 | |
One or both of us could die before then. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
Whatever. I'm not on this walk just to follow you about anyway. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
It's going on my uni application form. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:17 | |
-Turns out Xbox achievements, they don't count. -What the hell? -What? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
You've bought the same coat as me. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
I don't believe it. You've bought the same coat! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
Oh, yeah. Yeah, look at that, I did, didn't I? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
That is so...creepy! | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Romantic, I was going to say. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
Oh, my God, it is exactly the same. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:38 | |
< GIRLS GIGGLE | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
-Shit! -Was that Anna and that lot? | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
Yes! And now they know that I'm a... | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
rambler. Oh, my God! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
How do they know? | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
How did they know I was here? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
No, now, I might've said to someone that I was in a walking club | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
and there was someone else in it, but I never said who it was. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
-Not ever, not at all, except once. -Oh, my God! | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
If you hadn't told all your friends you were working on some | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
trendy fashion shoot, this would never have happened. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
If you'd said, "I'm a rambler, that's what I do," | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
they would've respected it. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
Might've even come along and caught the rambling bug. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
Poor Victor, does he have to walk all the way back there? | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
-Yes. -Victor, come up here! | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Back 30 metres! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:26 | |
Please, if he's going to be exiled, can it at least be imperial? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
33 yards! | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Next week is going to be very difficult for you, Hazel. That photograph's going to be everywhere. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:39 | |
But it might be a blessing. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
You'll discover who your real friends are. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
And it's us. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
We are your peer group now. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
METAL DETECTOR BUZZES | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
Bob. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Bob. Bob! | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
Bob! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
Bob! | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
BOB! | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
-Bob! -What is it? What is it?! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
I've done it, Bob, I've found gold! | 0:10:26 | 0:10:27 | |
Dreams can come true. I've finally made something of my life! | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
-I've found gold! Ooh, it's got an inscription. -What does it say? | 0:10:31 | 0:10:35 | |
"World's greatest golfer." | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
This must've been left here years ago by the world's greatest golfer, | 0:10:38 | 0:10:42 | |
and now I hold it in my hands. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
It's from the trophy shop, Thomas. The base is MDF. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:48 | |
Is that not Roman MDF? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
Forgot your birthday last year, didn't I, Bob? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
-Yes. -Play a bit of golf, don't you? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Once or twice a year. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
Happy birthday, Bob. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
Open it. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
Thank you. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:18 | |
Now, who's for a smoothie? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Now, who's going to take one to Victor? | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
I will. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:33 | |
Thanks. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:38 | |
Just checking you're OK after, you know, last time. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:44 | |
-Bit weird, wasn't it? -Yeah. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Just wanted to make sure you haven't fallen madly in love with me or anything. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
No, no, it was just a kiss. Wasn't much. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
You're not a bit obsessed and you don't think about me when you... | 0:11:53 | 0:11:59 | |
-you...you know? -No. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:00 | |
-Enjoy your smoothie. -Thanks. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
Smoothies?! I don't know how you can sit there and drink them, or is it eat them? | 0:12:15 | 0:12:20 | |
Are they a liquid or solid? I don't know. The point is, they're tainted! | 0:12:20 | 0:12:24 | |
Oh, no, I'm sure she's washed her hands, Bob. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
They're bribes! Do you not see, do none of you see what she's doing? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:30 | |
She's spending more and more money to buy you. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Rambling shouldn't cost a fortune, it's the people's pastime, anyone can do it. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
Even people like Tom, right at the bottom of the pile, no job, | 0:12:37 | 0:12:42 | |
no house, totally washed up, they can still do it. No offence, Tom. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
That's all right. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:47 | |
Why don't you tell us what's really bothering you? | 0:12:47 | 0:12:51 | |
-Cos we can all see it's something. -Nothing to discuss. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
Maybe someone else should take over leadership of the group, take the pressure off you, temporarily. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:59 | |
Yeah, now it comes. Now it comes, yeah. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
And if I say no? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
-I don't wish to invoke the emergency powers. -Emergency powers? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
They were suggested by someone in the anonymous surveys. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Ah, the backpackzilla demographic, the rucksackosaurus group? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:12 | |
You know I can't possibly divulge that information. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
But they do state that if the group leader becomes incapacitated due to injury, senility... | 0:13:15 | 0:13:20 | |
-Senility?! -Mental instability, death, or partial death, then the deputy leader | 0:13:20 | 0:13:25 | |
assumes control until fair and free elections can take place. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:30 | |
-OK. Victor. -WHISTLE | 0:13:30 | 0:13:35 | |
Everyone. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:36 | |
If you want to be in a walking club with me, | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
it's this side of the line. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
If you want to be in Christine's club... | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
Is this really what you want, Bob? | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
Life's not a Word document, there's no "undo" button. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:06 | |
Thank you, Hazel. Good man, Victor. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
It's nothing personal, Bob. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
-It's just you do our heads in. -Tom? | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
Do what you want to do, Tom. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
You live in the back of my car, Tom. Later on, I'm driving home. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
Also, it's not too late to tell the Army where you live. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
Don't let that influence your decision. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
It's all right, Tom. I understand. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
Right. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
BOB AND CHRISTINE: Let's walk. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
We can't walk together. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
You'll want to take that path. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
That's where the pub is. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
Don't tell me what I want. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
You take that path, and I'd like it noted, for the record, that I didn't even know that there was a pub. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:15 | |
You said it had three guest ales. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:16 | |
And the oldest boot scraper in Dorset, but I didn't know that. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:21 | |
We can do what we like now, can't we? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
-Without Bob. -Yeah. We've got a bit more freedom... | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
WHISTLE Admire the mighty ocean. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:32 | |
WHISTLE And continue. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
Ah, this is better, this is what it's all about, isn't it? | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
Ah, hello to you. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
We are a brand new rambling club. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
Would you care to join us? Got to be fun though, only fun people allowed. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
If you're just going to breeze in and make up a lot of rules | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
and survey everyone, then you are not welcome. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
I sort of preferred it when everyone was together, Bob. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Well, I suppose Joe and Sophie aren't so bad. Decent sorts, really. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
Of course, they're dead to me now. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
# The light dragoon came over the hill | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
# The moon was shining clearly | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
# There was a little woman And she knew him by his horse | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
# Because she loved him dearly | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
# Dearly, so dearly Oh, she loved him dearly... # | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
I've been thinking, babes. You're right, | 0:16:20 | 0:16:24 | |
I spend too much money, what can I say? | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Maybe it's time I started earning too. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, Joe, that's great. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
You know Simon up in Hemel? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
-Yeah. -Who does the male escort thing? | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
Well, he said a lot of women would go for this. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:43 | |
He could throw some work my way. I mean it's not something I want to do, but I'd do it, for us. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:47 | |
You're not going to be a male escort, Joe. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
Fine, fine, I tried, I tried to contribute, but no. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
-You have to be control. -You knew I'd say no. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
Just don't say I didn't try and find work. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
You should set up your own business, Joe, like Sophie. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
Oh, God, she heard all that. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
Know a lot about that sort of thing then, do you? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
This is awful, Christine, but we don't actually know what it is you do. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:08 | |
I'm self-employed. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:09 | |
I clean vomit, faeces and urine off coloured plastic balls. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
Wow, that's a dream, isn't it? | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
Children's soft play is a growing market, Joe. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
I've several teams working for me now. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
-What do you get for that sort of thing then? -Honestly, Joe! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
We don't need to go into that. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
Not much to shout about then. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
Last year I paid myself £173,000 before tax. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
That's more than you, Soph! | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
Recession or no recession, children will always poo their pants. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:34 | |
Ah, you know how I feel, for the first time in a long time? | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
Free! You and me, Tom, we can go to Scotland and walk anything that says "Ben" on the front. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:44 | |
I'll have more spare time soon, haven't got some walk-hating wife to hold me back any more, | 0:17:44 | 0:17:48 | |
and you're not going to get some woman to slow you down, are you, Tom, eh? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
Yes, you and me, Tom, we are single for the duration. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:57 | |
And that's fine by us. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
Bob, there's somewhere I've got to go. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
Someone I've got to see. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
Tom? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
But you're with me, Tom. Tom! | 0:18:10 | 0:18:15 | |
Tom! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
That's all right, leave me alone. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
Everyone else does. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Excuse me, you can only eat food that has been produced on the premises. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:49 | |
Oh. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Sophie, may I buy your sandwiches, please? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
Yes, that will be £2, please. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
-There you go. -There you are. -Thank you. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:02 | |
Bloody ramblers! | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Tom. > | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Christine, | 0:19:15 | 0:19:16 | |
can we go somewhere privately so I can speak to you in private, please? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:20 | |
Of course. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
There. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
Christine, I have been searching for treasure all day, but I realise I have already found my treasure. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:46 | |
METAL DETECTOR BUZZES | 0:19:46 | 0:19:49 | |
It is you. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
-Oh, Tom. -I'd like to dig you up, wipe you down and keep you. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:57 | |
And I don't want to share you with the landowner. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
Unless you're into that sort of shit, I don't... | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
Victor... | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
Victor! Victor! | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
-What? -Victor! -What!? | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
-Victor! -What? What do you want? | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
Victor! | 0:20:41 | 0:20:42 | |
-She said she'll see how it goes. -Oh, that's lovely. -Where's Dad? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
-Is Dad here? -No. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
What's happened? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
Dear Bob Stevens, we regret to inform you that your employment will end on the 24th of June. | 0:20:56 | 0:21:03 | |
The Human Resources Department, however, will | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
continue its invaluable work long into the future. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
I found on the path. He was terrified of this happening and now I don't know where he is. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
-What if he's done something stupid? -Like start up a walking club? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
Sorry. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
-Dad! -Bob? -Bob! Bob! | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
-Bobby! -Dad! -Bobby! | 0:21:20 | 0:21:24 | |
-Look, Dad's not here. -Right, there are high cliffs here, | 0:21:24 | 0:21:28 | |
here and here, so these are the points we need to cover. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:30 | |
Hazel, you are Red Team, you will take that point. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Joe, you are Orange Team, you will take that point. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
Um, we're not actually that far from the Bronze Age burial... | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
Will you stop going on about the Bronze Age burial mound! | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
You're as bad as... | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Bob. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Ah. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
Hello! | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
Gold Team, this is Indigo Team. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
Inform Red Team Scarecrow has been located. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
Scarecrow is secure, over. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
-Scarecrow? -No, Red Team is Hazel... | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
Green team is... There is no Purple Team! | 0:22:24 | 0:22:27 | |
Oh, just tell everyone! Right. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
Oh, Bob! | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
This is quite frustrating for me, because I do actually have a selection of survival blankets. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:40 | |
But they're all in my rucksack, which is abandoned. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
Oh, just bury me with my treasure. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
Have you seen the new information board? | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
A new factual error. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:49 | |
Sign says it is chambered cairn. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
Any idiot knows it's a long barrow. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
All those letters, a complete waste of time. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:55 | |
And someone's written "Matt is gay" on it. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
Well, it's none of my business if he is or he isn't, but it's hardly relevant to the subject matter. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:01 | |
Still, 100 years from now, that board will be my only memorial. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:06 | |
Come on, Bob. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
Lost my wife, lost my job, my daughter's going to move away the first chance she gets. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:14 | |
Not a lot left. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
There's still the Walk Club. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
WalkING Club! | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
Oh, do you know, I always thought | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
I'd meet my next wife through this club. I told my first wife that. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
She was not amused. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
Then when someone does come along you actually have something in common with, | 0:23:33 | 0:23:38 | |
I don't know, I find ways to argue with her. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:43 | |
And soon enough it's too late. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:46 | |
Bob! | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
Bob! Bob! | 0:23:52 | 0:23:53 | |
Oh. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Oh, no! No, stay with us, Bob. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
No, ow! I'm fine! I'm fine! | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
You saved him! Thank you! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
-Where did you get the bike from, Tom? -Oi, wanker! | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
It's fine, he's with me. He's very sorry! | 0:24:16 | 0:24:20 | |
Dad! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
It's me that's supposed to frighten you! | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
Come on. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
Maybe I'm over-reacting about Hannah and that. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
I mean, Monday will be bad, but it'll be fine after that. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:47 | |
Hazel, there's loads of your friends here! | 0:24:47 | 0:24:48 | |
It's going to be a firing squad of bitches. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
-Shouldn't be too many, though. -There's probably 20 of them. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
This is great, Hazel. This is it, they're catching the bug! | 0:24:55 | 0:24:59 | |
You could make it easier. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
-How? -If you go out first and just say that I'm obsessed and following you about, | 0:25:01 | 0:25:05 | |
-and you never asked me to come. -Which is true. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Just put it all on me and then I'll come out and soak it up. I'm used to it. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
And you'd be OK with that? | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
You've got another year with these people. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:17 | |
Come on, Mr Muscle. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
Hazel! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
-Like your socks! -Are those Jimmy Choos? | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
Yeah, I lied. I'm sorry. But I can't apologise for being what I am. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:37 | |
I'm a rambler. This is Victor. He walks with me. Get over it. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
ALL SCREAM | 0:25:42 | 0:25:43 | |
Bye, Bob! | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
-I've been a bit out of line, haven't I, lately? -A bit. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:04 | |
I found those DVDs. | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
-The ones you keep in the spare room. -Ah... | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
I just don't get it. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
They repeat Top Gear on Dave all the time. Why? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
For the extras! Come on, Soph. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
They crash a tractor - twice! | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to whisk you away. | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
Are you, now? | 0:26:35 | 0:26:37 | |
Yeah, Gatwick. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:40 | |
-And then where? -Oh, just Gatwick. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
There's a baggage handlers' strike coming up. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
They give out free food and stuff. They don't even check if you've got a ticket. I did it for a week once. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
Another one of them? OK. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
Do you still want this, Bob? | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
Yes, I do. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:09 | |
Bob Stevens, you couldn't break Article 3, Clause 1 | 0:27:22 | 0:27:26 | |
of the Countryside Code any more than I could. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
I've been a rambler for 30 years. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
I think I'm allowed one piece of litter in that time, don't you? | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
I suppose so. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:35 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:07 | 0:28:09 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:09 | 0:28:10 |