Clarence House Twenty Twelve

This programme contains some strong language.

# There may be trouble ahead

# But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and da-ance

# Let's face the music and da-a-ance. #

KAY: It's not about lightening up, Simon.

It's... Don't tell me to lighten up, that's inappropriate.

It's about... I HAVE got a life.

Monday morning,

and 2012 Head of Sustainability, Kay Hope,

is on the phone to her ex-husband.

Bye.

In the last few days, Kay has been sharing her office

with new arrival, Head of Legacy, Fi Healey.

Could you put Kieran back on, please?

Where is he? What do you mean "somewhere"?

-IAN:

-Absolutely.

Meanwhile, Head of Deliverance, Ian Fletcher,

is already on the phone to Sebastian Coe.

Plus, if we'd known Spurs were intending to knock down the entire stadium

and start again, well, we could have probably got something from IKEA

in the first place. Absolutely.

Well, no, look, we're very much West Ham fans all the way...

Today is the first day at work for new PA, Daniel Stroud,

following the recent, unavoidable departure of Ian's long-term PA, Sally Owen.

The sustainability audit will help us here.

It'll be a terrific read, and we'll give it to you ASAP, and so we move on.

Yes, no, absolutely. Not at all. You too.

Bye.

-Hi.

-Hey, Ian, it's Daniel.

Ah, right, of course, Daniel. Yes, hi.

No, don't make a fuss, I'm not going to bother you, I'll slip right in. You'll hardly notice, really.

-Right. Well, I mean, welcome anyway.

-Yes.

-So you've spoken to Seb obviously.

-Yes, I've done that.

-Cool, and Danny Boyle's office phoned.

-Oh, right, yes, and?

-Could they take out all the chairs?

-Right, OK, yes.

-Oh, no, I mean, what next?

Yeah, well, put them all back again, I hope.

Yes. Absolutely, nice.

-Right, I'll get on with that, thanks.

-Cool, and it's cappuccino with chocolate on top?

-Oh, well...

-Nope, I've done my homework, Ian, like I say you'll hardly notice.

-Right.

PHONE RINGS

By nine o'clock, the Monday morning heads-up is under way,

and Ian is joined by Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchins,

and Head of Contracts, Nick Jowett, as well as Fi Healey and Kay Hope.

-OK, good. So, Kay.

-Hi.

The sustainability audit of the stadium bids...

Absolutely, yes, I'm very nearly there with it.

-Good, cos I had another call from Seb's office this morning.

-Oh, right, yes.

-He's keen to go public

-on this now.

-Right.

-I mean really keen, so he can make a full announcement next Monday, and we can all move on.

-Right.

The main item on today's agenda

is the future of the Olympic Stadium post-Games.

The widely awaited announcement of the decision has been delayed

pending final assessments of the two rival bids' respective merits.

I mean, the sustainability issues around this are highly complex.

-It's got to be West Ham, though, innit?

-Yeah.

-KNOCKING

-Sorry, guys, excuse me. IAN:

-Yes, Daniel?

-Hey, everybody. ALL:

-Hey, Daniel.

Sorry to interrupt. I've got Siobhan Sharpe here for your 10 o'clock.

Oh, right, OK, thanks, yes. Could you just say I'll be another five minutes?

-OK, sure.

-That's great.

-Cool, will do, have fun.

-Thank you.

Bye! Right, good. So, yes, Kay.

Yes, in sustainability terms, it's about arriving at the bid that best honours

our one planet, 2012 pledge

to keep a running track completely untouched

-as part of a football stadium post-Games.

-Yeah... I mean that's... What?

-I really think that.

I mean, guys, this is all about the running track, isn't it?

Er, well, partly, yes, but in terms of sustainability,

this is a key sustainability issue, actually.

The whole problem with the Spurs' bid is you take away a running track

from an athletics stadium and what are you actually left with?

-Well, you're left with a football stadium.

-Pardon?

-That's easy. Yes, obvious.

-Obviously,

it's crucial that the decision process is impartial and fair at every stage.

-Absolutely, yes.

-It's got to be West Ham, innit?

But at the same time, I don't think it's a secret that if it did turn out

that being impartial and fair ended up favouring the West Ham bid, that would be no bad thing at all.

Shame they can't play football. Ccan't have everything, I suppose.

-It isn't about football, OK?

-You're telling me! Have you seen them play?

-The running track is a core legacy commitment...

-Er... Well...

..so I'm happy to go on record and say that we are also big Hammers fans when it comes to this issue.

Well, that's very helpful, isn't it, Kay?

Yes, although, of course, actually, this is a key sustainability issue, actually.

-Oh, no, completely.

-Whether you want to use

-big hammers or not.

-Yes.

No, I mean we think sustainability is a really important part of legacy.

-No, completely.

-OK, great. So that's all good.

PHONES RING

Oh, she's gone in already, has she?

-Yes. I asked if she'd like to wait outside, but it turns out she doesn't.

-Right, OK.

-It's 10:15. Is it time for your muffin?

-What?

-Or should that wait till 11?

-OK... No...

-It's not a muffin, is it?

-No, really...

-Don't tell me, it's a Danish, isn't it?

-Daniel, it's fine.

-It is, though. Oh, honestly.

-Really, it's not important.

-It's all about detail.

If I can't tell my muffins from my Danishes now,

how am I going to cope when the athletes start arriving?

Sorry about that, Siobhan.

-Sure, come on in.

-Yes, no, I am doing.

Ian has asked 2012 Head of Brand, Siobhan Sharpe,

from PR company Perfect Curve, to come in and discuss

a potentially interesting idea.

So, I had a call from Clarence House yesterday.

-Cool.

-Basically...

-That's the guy that does the jumping, right?

Clarence House, official residence

of the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall.

Oh, sure, totally.

-So, basically... Actually would you mind stopping doing that?

-Sure.

-Is that OK?

-That's totally cool.

-Good, thank you.

Yes, so basically it seems that they might be interested in looking at

ways of linking up the Jubilee next year with the whole 2012 thing.

Cool.

Which in terms of, um...

-Oh, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm done.

-Good.

In terms of brand image, when you start to think about it,

it might not be a bad idea for us to explore.

-Cool.

-So, what I was...

Sorry, guys, excuse me.

-Delivery for Mr Fletcher.

-Thank you, Daniel.

-A big one, the biggest I could find.

-Thank you.

-Siobhan, can I get something for you too?

-Oh, no way, thanks, Daniel, not for me, no.

-Don't tell me this is a guilt thing?

-Well, you know...

-You so don't need to!

-Yes, OK, thank you Daniel, thank you.

-Enjoy.

-Yes.

So, yes, I just thought I'd ask you to come over

and talk about the sort of opportunities you think an idea like that...

Sure.

..an idea like that might throw up for us in branding terms.

No, I think it's a terrific idea - way cool. Totally.

-Right.

-Sure.

And in terms of input from you, how that might actually...

No, sure, yeah, I mean the thing with that is...

I mean the thing with that is,

-I mean, it's not every year you get the Diamond Jubilee.

-Well, no.

-I mean,

it's like once every 50 years, right?

-Yes, well, 60, in fact.

-Sure.

-The 50 is golden.

-Cool.

Here's the thing, they've got a big national event coming up, OK?

-Right.

-Um... So that's like the Jubilee.

Yes.

-And we've got a real biggie of our own up and running.

-Yes.

-The Olympics.

-Yes, I know what ours is.

-Sure. Um...so here's the thing, we hitch our wagon to that train

and we get a royal tail all the way from here to Mount Olympia.

Yes, I think that's pretty much what I just said to you.

Hey, I love this.

I love it when that happens.

So, basically we've been working on the basis of five toilet events per athlete per day.

-Toilet events?

-Five?

Meanwhile, Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchins, and Head of Contracts, Nick Jowett,

are out at the Olympic site

for a meeting with construction engineer, Paul Bavington.

-Five toilet events?

-Let's just crack on, shall we?

-That's the official...

-There you go, that's nuts to start with.

-Well, what do you think...?

-I'm struggling to think of two.

Right, yeah, got it. Yeah.

-Shall we just crack on?

-We're talking about a number here not five different...

-Yeah, got it.

He's the man faced with the task of trying to deliver

adequate sanitary accommodation in the athletes' village, despite recent budget cuts.

Going back to the drawing board,

we came up with something actually quite bold.

-Smaller toilets.

-Right, OK.

-Clever.

-What we like about it is that, as a design solution, it's very simple.

-Yeah, that is simple.

-When you say smaller...

We think we could probably get three cubicles

where there were two in the original plans.

Oh, right, yeah.

Which would get us down to an overall ratio

of one toilet facility to nine athletes.

Right.

-Which is, you know, it's better, but it's still over the IOC limits.

-Yes.

So it's not great, to be honest.

Sorry, can I just ask? These ideas you've been having,

-did you have any that WERE great?

-OK.

-I'm asking cos I'm getting cramp in my knees.

What we did then was, we looked at the ratio

-of urinals to cubicles.

-Oh, right, yes.

We're talking about the men's blocks here.

-I should hope so.

-Because when it comes to the women, it's completely...

Well, with the women, if you actually look at those areas,

they're designed quite differently anyway.

Yes.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello.

All right.

Yes, still busy now - why?

Back at the ODC, Kay is still trying to finish the sustainability audit

of the stadium bids, despite her many other responsibilities.

Mm? No, don't beat about the bush, darling, just tell me.

Right. What do you mean septic?

Right, OK, where is he now? No, shut up, I don't care, where is he now?

And you're there with him?

Well, how long did they say he's going to be?

No, you can't do that, you can't come home, because I'm not there.

I'm really busy today, because I've got a proper job.

Yeah, I am, but you're his... Fucking hell, Simon. Fucking hell.

-IAN:

-Absolutely. No, absolutely. Yes.

I've got it flagged as "by now at the latest",

so, no, we're absolutely up to speed with this.

With speculation mounting in the press about the future of the stadium,

it's becoming increasingly clear just how keen Sebastian Coe is

to make an announcement.

No, look, the audit's pretty much on its way as we speak, I think, so...

Exactly, yes, I will.

And once we've got that underpinning in place,

we're forever blowing bubbles, basically.

So, er...

It's a song they sing at West Ham.

Yes, no, so that's all good.

Absolutely. No, you too, bye.

Bye-bye, bye.

-Hi.

-Hi, sorry, Ian, I didn't want to...

-No, that's fine.

-You don't have a light, do you?

-Yes.

My whole life is in this bag - I can never find anything in it.

Here you go.

-Thanks, that's great.

-So, that's all good.

So...

I see you're not perfect, then.

No - nearly!

Yeah, me too.

I was thinking, I just put some thoughts down about the West Ham stadium bids.

-All right.

-Just from a legacy point of view.

-Maybe I should send them to you.

-Yeah, sure.

-Just the headlines really - one side of A4, that's all.

-Perfect.

I know how busy you are, plus I know how much Seb likes clarity.

No, yes. No. No, he loves it, loves clarity.

OK, great.

Could be my first piece of homework, if you like.

OK, look forward to marking it.

I have to say, I didn't have you down as a smoker.

-Well, I'm not, really. Actually, I've given up.

-Sure, me too.

-Yeah.

Here's the thing with this, guys.

A couple of great ideas right out of the bat.

What we're looking at here

is an idea so good you don't just want to marry it,

you want to take it home and fuck it.

OK, I think absolutely right...

It's Tuesday morning, and across town at PR company Perfect Curve,

2012 Head of Brand, Siobhan Sharpe, is in the ideas space

with her creative team - information architect, Barney Lumsden,

trend analyst, Coco Lomax, and viral concept designer, Karl Marx.

..And then William gives it to Kate,

she turns and gives it to a guy in big shorts who's waiting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he takes it

and runs out of Cornwall with it to somewhere like the Olympic Stadium.

-Yeah, or maybe Scotland.

-Or maybe Scotland, yeah.

And what you do is you make that the start of the torch relay.

Shorts are good. We love big shorts.

Maybe the guy in the big shorts could be in a wheelchair.

Yeah, that didn't quite work with the shorts thing.

With the meeting at Clarence House press office now in the diary,

Ian has asked her to come up with possible strategies for linking

next year's Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations with the 2012 Games.

What we're thinking is of actually a single word or like a concept?

-Or an idea.

-Or an idea, yes.

-So what we've come up with is... Barney, do you want to say this?

-No, you say it.

OK, well, what we're working around is basically...

Jubilympics.

Jubilympics.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Yeah, I know.

So, that's like... What is that?

-It's pretty cool.

-Well, the thing is you can use it with like anything.

I love this.

So like...like what?

OK, so you've got like the Jubilympic Stadium.

Shit.

-Jubilympic torch.

-Man...

The Jubilympic 100 metres final.

Jubilympic 100 metres final - yeah, nice one.

Do another one.

OK, so you're going to get the Tube, maybe you're going to get like the Jubilympic Line.

Shit. Do another one.

OK, so, Olympic jubilastics.

It didn't quite work.

Yeah.

Want a go?

Um... OK, sure.

-Don't think, just say it.

-OK, OK.

Um, Queen's Diamond Jubilympiad.

-Whoa.

-Yay!

Jubilicious!

Do another one.

Olympic...

Um...

Meanwhile, back over at the Olympic Deliverance Commission, Kay Hope

is only just arriving for work after taking her son, Kieran, to hospital.

No, it's fine.

It's not his fault he's got a father whose idea of cool parenting

involves letting him work through some issues in a tattoo parlour in Camden.

-MAN:

-Right.

I think it's tiredness now, cos obviously he didn't get any sleep last night.

-MAN:

-What about you?

-Me?

-MAN:

-You must be pretty tired yourself.

-You're not a woman, are you? MAN:

-Oh, um...no.

No.

I'm fine, thank you, I'm fine.

I'll see if he's free.

It's quite important, thank you.

-Right now.

-Kay, hi.

Hey, Ian, I've got Kay to see you.

-Yes, thank you, Daniel.

-Sure, enjoy.

-What can I do for you?

-Hi, yes. Fiona forwarded me this.

-Right.

-I've printed it off.

-Yes, I've seen that. It's good, isn't it? I think we...

"RE: The West Ham bid, retaining the running track in the stadium is about inclusivity.

"Inclusivity is a core legacy pledge.

"Legacy pledges are moral obligations."

-Yes, it's a strong point to make...

-Three lines, nice big font. Have you sent this to Seb? Have you sent it?

-Yes, I did forward it, yes.

-You HAVE sent it?

-Yes.

-Right, OK. OK.

He wants to get a statement out now and he's desperate for any ammunition.

-Right, OK, so you've sent the sustainability audit as well?

-Well, no, I haven't.

-Right, fine.

-No...

-That's fine, it's absolutely fine. Fine.

You haven't done it yet, have you?

-What? I mean, frankly...

-I'm very keen to send it,

believe me, as soon as it arrives.

-Me too.

-Kay, is there anything I can do...?

-No, no, that's all, absolutely. Thank you very much, Ian.

-Thank you.

-Right, OK.

-I think you pull it, actually.

-Yes, thank you.

Thank you, Daniel.

OK, and you're being good? You know what I mean by that, don't you, Kieran? Good?

Good boy.

It's 10 o'clock at night,

and Kay is still working on her sustainability audit.

OK.

Is...is Harry's mother there, please?

OK. Could you put her on? And, Kieran, I want you to promise me that you won't...

Hi, Sarah, hi. How are you?

I'm good, thank you, good, yes.

Look, thank you so much for letting Kieran hang out with Harry tonight.

No, no, he's absolutely fine.

It's stopped weeping now, so...

Having looked closely again at all the evidence on the future

of the stadium, she's now come to a revised conclusion

that it is the Spurs bid and not the West Ham bid that satisfies the key sustainability criteria.

-MAN:

-What made you change your mind?

I mean a running track's fine from a legacy point of view.

I mean, if that's your thing,

but from a sustainability perspective, what the Tottenham Hotspur bid

made clear was that if you have a football pitch with a running track

round the outside, it's not really sustainable at all. It's neither one thing or the other.

-Could it be both?

-Pardon?

-I mean, is that...?

-No.

If it can't be neither, then how can it possibly be both?

You have to think this stuff through logically. I really think that.

By the next morning, it's Wednesday.

-Hey, Ian.

-Morning, hi.

How are you today?

-Yes, I'm good, thanks, not too bad.

-Great.

-So the sustainability audit came through.

-So I see. Have you had time...?

-Yeah, I had a quick look.

-Really? And?

-Yeah, it's pretty out there.

-Really?

-47 pages long.

-Oh, God.

-I know. I won't tell you how it ends.

I mean what does she want to do? Serialise it on Radio 4?

Morning. Hi.

-Yes, hi, how are you?

-Have you got a minute?

-Absolutely.

-Great.

Right, OK.

-Couple of things.

-Right, OK.

I've just had a long phone call from upstairs.

-Oh, right, yes. How is he?

-How is he?

OK. Um...

Presumably you've seen the press release this morning...

-or you've, you know, seen a paper or heard the news or...

-I mean, things have... I've been a bit...

Right, OK. Well, the BBC News website, for instance.

Right, OK.

Uh, right, OK. Where are we here...?

Uh... OK. Right, here we are.

"Coe: Britain's reputation will be trashed if Olympic stadium goes to Tottenham."

-Right.

-"In a strongly worded statement

"in support of West Ham's bid,

"London 2012 chairman Lord Coe..." And so on. You've probably got the basic idea.

-Mm, yes.

-So, OK,

he releases that last thing yesterday, then in the middle of the night,

he gets a 47-page document, e-mailed to him

by someone in this office at 3.24 am,

-including four page 19s...

-That's actually a very important page.

-I haven't finished.

-Right, OK.

-..arguing the case for the Spurs bid and drawing reasonably heavily

at various points on the wit and wisdom of their manager Harry Houdini.

-Right, yes.

-That's a nickname.

-His real name's Harry Redknapp.

-I thought that was a bit...

-Just a detail...

-No, I'll change that. Yes.

-Kay...

Yes.

You know - I hope you know - that my default setting is pretty positive.

Yes, absolutely, yes.

But I have to say it's really rather hard

-to try and find a way of putting a positive gloss on that sequence of events.

-Mm, yes.

Do you want to have a go?

No, I'll definitely change the name on that. Definitely.

By the way, who the hell is Simon Colenutt?

Yes. Pardon?

-This other guy I notice you've copied it to as well?

-Ah, um, right. No...

This is an internal document, Kay. Highly internal, in this case.

-No, I think that's just a mistake.

-Right.

Because it starts with S, sometimes it guesses who you want to send it to.

I don't know how you stop it.

-Perhaps if you go to Preferences...

-Who is he?

Er, Simon's my ex-husband.

-Right.

-Yes.

Your ex-husband's a journalist, isn't he?

-Uh, yes, yes. He is, yes.

-For The Guardian.

But I'm not married to him any more, so, you know, um...

-IAN:

-The Jubilympic Village?

-SIOBHAN: Sure, Totally.

Thursday morning, and Ian is on his way with Siobhan

to the meeting with the Clarence House press office.

-Jubilympic opening ceremony...

-Right, OK.

-Jubilympicathlon...

Can you stop it, please?

OK. Here's the thing with this,

once you've started, it's not easy. It's a breeder.

-OK, I'm going to make the assumption you've got a plan B here...

-Sure. That's cool.

..and I'm going to assume it's a lot better than plan A.

Mm-hm, I'm totally cool with that.

There isn't a plan B, is there?

OK, you make a plan B, you're already visualising failure.

Exactly, that's correct.

You visualise failure, you're going to fail.

Yes, in this case, still correct.

You fail, you fail.

-Yes, I think you've pretty much nailed it.

-Well, duh.

-IAN:

-Yes, absolutely. No, I saw that. And The Guardian too obviously, and The Mail.

No, I haven't seen The Mirror yet.

Yes, but on the positive side,

virtually no-one reads The Independent, so that's all good.

Following a rash of new press stories alleging confusion and chaos

around the future of the stadium, Ian has had another call from Seb Coe.

Absolutely, no, I mean the first thing to say, the message to get out there,

is that we're not complete amateurs,

someone DOES know what sustainability and legacy mean,

and, furthermore, if we'd wanted a white elephant,

we'd have gone right ahead and built one. So I think

those are three really good, positive messages to...

Right, he's gone.

Right, good.

OK,

so here's what it is with this. I mean, legacy and sustainability, that's your problem right there.

Right.

-Who knows what that shit is, get over it.

-Right, except that shit is why we got the Games in the first place.

You've got to change up the agenda, Ian.

-Change it up.

-Great, and we do that by...?

OK, all you do is you just make West Ham the sexy option.

Forget about legacy and sustainability. Sexiness is your solution here.

Right, in that case, things are worse than I thought.

DOOR OPENS

Siobhan! Hi, good to meet you, finally!

-Sure, yeah. you too. You too.

-Sorry to keep you waiting.

-Cool so this is Ian Fletcher.

-Yes, hi, Ian.

And so Ian's like, head of, you know...

-Head of Deliverance, yes.

-So he's basically like Mr Olympics.

Wow, fabulous!

Their meeting is with senior Clarence House press officer, Ben Farrell,

and head of Royal permissions, Anna Priestly.

-So, first thing I have to tell you is we love Jubilympics. Don't we, Anna?

-Yep.

-We love it.

-Great.

-I just want to put that out there at the start.

-Sure.

We think it's got that x factor. That real, hey-check-this-out quality

-we're constantly looking for here.

-Yeah.

It's terrific, it truly is. But you know what, we can't use it.

-You... Say again?

-Oh, dear.

-I know,

-but we can't. Can we, Anna?

-No.

Well, that is disappointing.

No, listen, we got very close with this one, really close, but...

Obviously, I can't go into details, but then we hit a problem.

-Problem?

-We hit an executive problem.

-Right.

-Oh, no way, guys.

-What can I say? Welcome to our world.

But, hey, we really want to do something here,

we think it's a terrific idea in principle, we want to keep that door open.

-Sure.

-Absolutely.

-So, we're really keen to hear what else you've got, Siobhan.

-Yes.

-No, sure.

-Me too.

-Sure. Totally.

-I had a look at all the IOC guff.

-Yeah, I did too.

And we're fine, aren't we? As long as they don't all want to go to the toilet at the same time.

-Well, you say that...

-What are the chances of that happening?

-That is your nightmare scenario, obviously.

-There's a formula that works - all we need to do is find it.

Yeah, the formula is everyone keep your legs crossed, basically.

Back at the ODC, Head of Contracts, Nick Jowett,

and Head of Infrastructure, Graham Hitchins,

have been looking hard at the issue of sanitary accommodation for athletes

in the Olympic Village.

-If you look at tinkle time with the urinals, versus...

-Hang on just a minute. Tinkle time?

-Yeah.

-You are kidding me?!

Don't blame me. That's already out there, that's what they call it in the sanitary world.

That's great, but I'm not from the sanitary world - I'm from Yorkshire.

Right, so if you look at the average tinkle time

compared to the average plippity-ploppy time...

OK, I made that up, I don't know what they call that.

Hellfire!

-What do you want to call it?

-Let's stick to the numbers, shall we?

OK, let's call it number one time and number two time.

OK, now you're just taking the piss.

And so then she then hands it up to the guy in the big shorts, and he takes it

-and then runs...

-Siobhan, I'm going to stop you there.

-Sure.

-Anna?

I see where you're going with the whole Chariots Of Fire thing...

OK. Sure, totally.

But...we might just pass on that one.

OK, cool.

-But keep 'em coming. This is fun!

-OK, um...

OK. OK, OK, OK, so here's the thing.

Um, OK, the thing is, um... Here's what we do with this. OK.

Um, so this is it, the thing is, um....

-Shall I tell you what we're hoping to achieve here in an ideal world?

-OK. Totally, yeah. That could work.

OK. Obviously 2012 is a really big year for us.

Totally, so...

-I'm going to keep going, if that's OK?

-OK, sure.

It's a big year for us, which is great,

but there's a feeling at this end, from where we're looking at it,

that the whole Jubilee thing, it's all got a bit top-heavy recently.

Top heavy?

-Yeah.

-Yup.

The feeling is that it's too much about the past as opposed to the future,

-too much about the weight of tradition.

-Too much about the Queen!

So, yeah. So, the...

the feeling is that somehow building a bridge with you guys

could maybe help point us away from all that,

towards something younger, more vibrant, more to do with the future.

Cool.

-We talk a lot here about the idea of inheritance.

-Right. Do you?

-Yeah.

-Yup.

-It's become a bit of a buzz word for us.

Right, OK, forgive me, I don't know anything about branding...

-Sure, so, um...

-But what would happen if...

Sorry, Siobhan. ..what would happen if we could all agree, for instance,

that the Jubilee was to be referred to as the 2012 Diamond Jubilee?

2012 Diamond Jubilee.

Holy shit.

I mean, I'm just making this up, obviously,

but you'd get added value every time it was Googled or Tweeted or whatever,

and frankly so would we.

OK, OK, so, guys, guys, here's the thing. Here's what we do here, we flip it.

Flip it?

Jubilee 2012.

Jubilee 2012.

Yeah, it's like Team GB. Those guys totally sucked until we flipped them.

Anna?

Really, you think?

We may have to jump him in the garden with this one.

OK, well, good work, everyone! He's good!

Hey! I love this job, I so love it.

Ben, just out of interest, you don't happen to know if the Prince is a West Ham supporter?

I... I'll have to check up on that and get back to you, Ian.

-Yes, but could he be, though? In principle?

-Anna?

So basically what we've done is we've taken urinals out of design equation altogether.

-Right.

-Yeah, you don't need 'em, get rid of em.

-What, completely?

-Yeah.

-Urinals, schmurinals.

-It's Friday morning.

We allowed to do that?

I mean, as far as the IOC building regs or whatever?

As far as the regulations go,

if you classify every cubicle not in use as a urinal,

which technically it is, if you think about it, you're fine.

Yeah, cos all you have to do is... Yes, OK,

-I think we're clear on the mechanics, Graham.

-OK, guys, here we go.

ON TV: Of course this isn't the first time

the Prince has made controversial statements about matters such as this,

often much to the anger of architects and planners.

But this is clearly something he feels very strongly about, Katy.

Now, we understand in the speech, he'll be coming out very strongly

in support of the West Ham bid for the Olympic stadium.

Turns out he's something of a closet Hammers fan himself.

And, of course, we know he's long been passionate

about both legacy and sustainability,

but it's this word inheritance

that keeps coming back into this thinking again and again

about the stadium

and indeed about what I gather he's already starting to refer to

as Jubilee 2012 itself. Now, this is...

TV OFF

-Well, that's all good.

-Yeah, great.

-Yeah. Nice one.

-I suppose the only thing we need now

-is West Ham to go down and they could end up taking us with them.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Let's not think about that. They're not going to go down, are they?

-Yeah, they are.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Fortunately, Fi Healey has now been found an office of her own,

which means that, at last, Kay Hope has room to be Head of Sustainability once again.

Hi.

Hi, yes.

-How's it going?

-Yes, fine. Yes.

Having managed to manage up quite successfully,

Ian is now left with some managing downwards to do.

-Looking forwards rather than backwards with this whole thing...

-Absolutely, yes.

I've talked to Fi about this and I think it's right that you should have the inheritance brief.

-Right.

-If you're up for it.

-Yes.

-I think it sits well

with the whole legacy, sustainability thing.

No, I think there's a natural resonance there.

Yes, right, well, that's the thing about sustainability, it's all about resonance.

-Exactly, yes. Right. So that's all good?

-Yes.

-And on that thought,

Seb's got very keen now on folding in the whole idea of inheritance into the announcement on Monday.

Right.

I just wonder if it might be possible to have another look at the whole audit thing with that in mind.

-The whole audit thing?

-Yes.

You want me to start again and do an inheritance audit of both bids?

Great. I think that's a really strong idea.

Right, OK. We should make a move. Ready?

-Yes, fine. You'll just have to remind me of the protocol.

-Oh, God,

-shall we practise that in the taxi?

-OK.

-Wow, look at you. Fabulous.

-Right, well...

-You work those shoes, girl.

-Well, let's not get too...

-No, Fi.

-Yes, of course, yes.

-Loving 'em.

-Thank you, Daniel.

Yes, they are nice.

As part of the new relationship between the ODC and Clarence House,

Ian has been invited, together with his Head of Legacy,

to a reception at the Prince's Trust where the Prince of Wales

is to make an important speech.

It's always like that. Can you leave it now?

-Sure. You got your invitations?

-Yep.

-Yep.

-Thank you.

Right, well, see you later.

-See you later.

-Bye!

-Have fun, you guys. Enjoy.

-Yes, OK. Thanks.

# There may be trouble ahead

# But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and dance

# There may be teardrops to shed

# So while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and da-ance

# Let's face the music

# And da-a-ance. #