The Rapper Twenty Twelve

This programme contains some strong language.

# There may be trouble ahead

# But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and dance

# Let's face the music and dance. #

Absolutely.

'It's another morning for Twenty Twelve Head of Deliverance Ian Fletcher.

'And that means another call from Olympic boss Sebastian Coe.'

What, none at all? Absolutely.

I'm assuming the idea is, we all apply for tickets,

we all go through the proper channels like anyone else,

then when none of us gets any,

it just shows how democratic and fair the whole process is. Exactly, yes.

-Hi.

-Morning.

But in that case, no-one told Boris, apparently.

No, but I saw him on breakfast telly this morning.

Obviously, he was trying to make a joke of it,

but I thought he looked pretty seriously pissed off to me.

Yes, no, absolutely.

Absolutely, will do.

You too. OK, bye. Bye, bye. Bye.

Right, good.

-Hey, Ian.

-Hi.

-How are you today?

-Yes, no, I'm fine, thanks.

-Obviously, you've spoken to Seb.

-Yes, no, I've done that, thanks.

There was also a call from Lord Sugar about tickets for the opening ceremony.

God, he's definitely not getting any, even if I could get hold of some.

No, I think he was saying, did we want any?

Right, OK. Well, thanks, Daniel. I'll deal with that.

GRAHAM: I know, I know. Er...traffic cones for bloody cycle lanes.

-IAN: No.

-Ice cream cone?

No. It's not a cone.

Is it for inseminating sheep?

Right, I think you've probably had enough guesses now, Graham.

'By nine o'clock, the Deliverance Team's regular heads-up meeting

'is already underway.'

-Is it a teapot?

-No, no.

-Yes, you know, without a spout.

-I think I'm going to have to tell you.

-Is it a Dalek from Doctor Who?

-IAN: No, it's not.

-That's rubbish, Daleks are knobbly.

-Yes, they're very knobbly, actually.

If I tell you Siobhan Sharpe sent it over from Perfect Curve...

Oh, right. Is it by any chance a load of old bollocks?

OK, I'll tell you. It's a model of the proposed wrap for Anish Kapoor's Orbit tower.

-Oh, well.

-Oh, of course.

'After difficulty raising funds for a proposed high-tech curtain wrap for the Olympic stadium itself,

'sponsorship has instead been forthcoming for an alternative plan to wrap

'Anish Kapoor's so-called Orbit Tower sculpture, which will stand next to it.'

Obviously, this is terrific news from a number of perspectives.

-Firstly, the sponsors are Juiced.

-You what?

-It's a big American health company.

-Never heard of them.

-Condoms.

-Pardon?

Well, apparently, they are very big in the whole sexual health area, yes, that's their thing.

-They're huge, yeah.

-What, the condoms are?

Anyway, the thinking is to put together a really big sexual health campaign

around this, which is obviously a great opportunity.

-Great.

-Yeah, great.

The other thing to say, of course, is that aesthetically,

it will be a major addition to the Olympic Park.

Yes.

And in terms of the Orbit itself, I think it'll be in many ways the crowning glory

of what is already a brilliantly daring piece of work.

-Absolutely, yes.

-Yeah, by covering it up.

-Well...

-Brilliant.

-Great.

-Yes.

-Happy days.

-So, basically, it's all good.

Max.

Hey, Siobhan!

We are so excited about this.

Well, you know what, I guess you should be, Siobhan.

'Meanwhile, over at PR company Perfect Curve,

'Twenty Twelve Head of Brand Siobhan Sharpe is meeting an important guest.'

So where did you come from today?

You know, I actually came in yesterday afternoon.

-Cool.

-Yeah, I'm in Berlin, we finish early,

so I'm like, you know, what the fuck?

Totally.

Can I get some water?

Sure, what kind of water?

-Jeez, I don't know, I was thinking of drinking it.

-Cool.

'Max Madely, Global Marketing Director of Juiced,

'has arrived to discuss the company's plans for sponsorship of the Orbit Tower wrap.'

So I guess the thing we should maybe talk about

before we get into the details of this

is just, like, how this whole thing is going to work.

-Cool.

-COCO: Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, Max, what's your idea in that area?

OK, sure. You know what, could I get some fruit?

-Fruit?

-Yeah, do you have any fruit in this building, or...?

Sure. Coco, d'you wanna...?

Yeah, sure. What kind of fruit were you thinking, Max?

I don't know, something like an orange, you know, or maybe...

Yeah, you know what, maybe a banana.

-Banana. OK.

-Yeah, a banana would be pretty cool.

OK. Can I get anyone else anything?

-No, I'm good, thanks.

-OK, cool.

Um...d'you know what? Can I get an apple?

-Apple. OK.

-Sure. And maybe some blackberries?

Yeah, blackberries.

-Blackberries?

-Yeah, that could happen.

Yeah, we love blackberries.

What are you making, a pie?

'As well as Barney and Coco from her Perfect Curve team,

'Siobhan has asked along Sarah Slocombe from the UK Sexual Health Council

'to offer her expertise on the plan to build

'a major sexual health campaign around Juiced's sponsorship of the wrap.'

OK, so, what we're proposing to do is,

we're proposing to hand out sort of a sexual health goody bag, if you will.

Totally free, to each and every competitor in the games.

-Sure.

-Cool.

-A goody bag?

-Yeah, it's cool with you guys, right?

-Totally.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-And what's in this goody bag?

-SIOBHAN: Sure.

OK, so what we're talking about is, we toss in some product,

and we can talk about that if you want to do that.

But then you guys, you're going to have a ton of ideas

about the message you want to wrap around that, right?

-Yep.

-Sure. Totally.

OK, cool.

So, Sarah, what are you thinking in that area?

-Me?

-Sure.

I mean, I'm only really here to advise you all, really.

Totally. So, any time you want to start with that,

-that's cool with us.

-Yeah.

GRAHAM: Right, so, basically, what...

Um, hang on.

That's not, um...

Oh, that's from last...

Right. Er...no.

OK. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Ah, come on!

Oh, no, that's not... Ah, yeah, here we go.

-That's it? That's the torch relay?

-It is at the moment, yeah.

-That can't be right.

-No, it's not.

'Back over at the ODC,

'with only three weeks to go before the torch relay route is formally announced,

'Ian has asked Head Of Infrastructure Graham Hitchins

'to take the team through a progress report.'

-It starts at Land's End.

-Yeah, that's there.

-Then goes straight to Bournemouth.

-Yeah, that's here.

Yeah, I know where places are. Then basically,

it just seems to keep going round and round Surrey

-until the Games start.

-Apart from Stoke-on-Trent,

-which is here.

-KAY: Well, that's ridiculous.

-Yeah, it is, yeah.

-IAN: How has this happened?

Why wasn't this flagged up before?

-Yeah, well.

-LAUGHS:

-It's classic.

What it is is we've made a public pledge for the Olympic torch

to come within an hour's reach of 95% of the population.

-What's that actually mean?

-Now, that is not as easy as it sounds.

It doesn't sound easy, actually.

It sounds daft.

Cos at the moment, right, we're not even sure where the other 5% live.

IAN: Right, OK.

Graham, are you able to come up with what would be

-a hypothetically ideal route?

-Right.

You know, one that basically looks right to the eye when you look at it on the map,

based on that public commitment.

-Right, OK.

-Using whatever statistics you need.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Say, by the end of the week

-at the latest?

-Yeah, there's no worries, yeah.

-Good, great. Cos then...

-What, this week?

-Yes.

-Right.

-That OK?

-Yeah, that's fine, yeah.

Good. Cos then we can take that and use it as an opportunity

to shine a light on those places which are perhaps

a bit more, a bit less... not quite so far south, basically.

And then target those areas and find a way of getting them to really become involved.

Cos I think basically what we're talking about here are places that feel real.

-KAY: Real?

-Oh, right, OK.

Right, well, that's Ebbsfleet out for a kick-off. That's just made up.

Yeah, I've got that book. It's like, Postcards of Crap Towns.

It's quite good, actually. I'll bring it in...

I don't think that'll help, Graham.

-Right, OK, whatever.

-But thank you.

-Yeah.

-Right, OK.

Well, onwards and ever upwards, unless there are any other...

Can I just ask, has anyone else ended up with any tickets?

Ah, right. No.

-Perhaps this isn't the time...

-As far as I can work out,

I've ended up with £250 of weightlifting tickets I didn't even put in for.

-Weightlifting?

-Yeah, sorry, I don't care who you are.

Picking things up and putting them down again, waste of everybody's time.

IAN: Right, good. So...

-I'll swap them with you, if you want.

-What have you got?

-Got bloody wrestling.

-Wrestling?

-Yeah, bloody Greco-Roman.

-Bad luck.

Good thing is, the process is open and fair.

You put in for Greco-Roman wrestling?

Yeah, it's not my fault. I thought it was, like, women and that.

SARAH: The first thing to say here Is that people are going to have sex.

SIOBHAN: Sure.

So you know, I always say to people, you might as well get over that.

'Meanwhile, back at Perfect Curve, the discussion on the sexual health campaign is getting down to detail.'

With something like the Olympic Games, I mean, this is a huge issue.

-Yeah, it's big.

-I mean, I don't know what

the total number of athletes taking part in the Games is?

Go figure.

Right.

But you've got all these gorgeous, unbelievably fit young people

from all over the world gathering together at the same place at the same time.

What's going to happen?

-The Olympic Games.

-Yeah.

We're talking about a global sexual event here.

- Yeah. - Jeez.

They are going to have sex with each other and they're going to do that

whenever they feel like it, and in all kinds of combinations.

- Uh-huh. - Cool.

-It's a no-brainer.

-I gotta get tickets for this.

And that's before you start thinking about all the millions of people

who are going to be turning up to watch.

You guys don't have any cocaine, do you?

-Uh...

-It's OK, I'm just kidding.

-Sure.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Cool.

-OK.

Hey, but do you though?

-OK. Um, here's the...

-Honestly, I'm just kidding, really.

-Sure.

-Just messing with ya.

Sure. Totally cool with that.

Fine. We're not in the business of being judgemental,

because the more you tell people not to do something,

-the more they go at it hammer and tongs. We know that.

-Wait a minute.

-SIOBHAN: Sure. Fine.

-Hammer and tongues? What is that?

Which is fine, you know, that's absolutely fine.

So our message is, it's fine to have sex, OK?

That's perfectly OK.

You can literally, whatever turns you on, that's fine,

that's your business, that's up to you.

-Sure.

-Fine. But...

if you know you're going to have sex, or if you feel you might be about to,

and let's face it, you usually know,

then please, have a condom with you

and put it on your penis. OK?

Yeah.

-Cool.

-Totally.

I'm sorry, it's just got to be said, I'm afraid.

Yeah, especially if you're going to be doing hammer and tongues, right?

Totally.

I'm telling you, we are so going to need a bigger goody bag.

Absolutely. No, it is, yes. Absolutely.

Being positive for a moment,

there must be a reasonably high chance

that he'll be murdered before then.

But I know that doesn't make it any easier. No, absolutely.

'Another morning, and Ian has had a call from Boris Johnson.

'Overnight, reports have surfaced

'that as president of the Libyan National Olympic Committee,

'Colonel Gaddafi's son, Muhammad al-Gaddafi,

'could end up being allocated up to 1000 tickets for next summer's Olympics.'

Once you start to think about it, you think, where's it going to end?

Zimbabwe? No, I haven't seen anything about that.

Well, no, absolutely. Absolutely.

Well, look, we'll definitely get clarification on that.

And I'll... No, absolutely, absolutely.

And sic semper tyrannis.

Right.

Absolutely.

OK. All right, bye.

Right, good.

-Morning.

-Hey, Ian. How are you today?

Yes, I'm good, thanks. How are you?

-Yeah, pretty good, thanks.

-Good.

-Pretty dandy, actually.

-Sometime this morning...

-Yep.

Can we just check exactly who is president of the Zimbabwe National Olympic Committee

and how many tickets they've requested?

Sure, I'll do that.

Last thing we need is Robert Mugabe turning up at the beach volleyball, grinning like an idiot.

-Oh, no, don't!

-Right, OK, thanks, Daniel.

Right.

-Unless there's anything else?

-No, no, I mean...

What?

No, just, a bit of bad luck in the shaving department this morning.

What? Oh, I thought that had dried.

-Well, I think it has now, basically.

-Right, OK, well, fine.

-I've got some cleanser if you want...

-No, no, that's fine. I'll deal with it.

It's my own fault.

-Happened a few days ago.

-I know it did.

I've been meaning to get some new razor blade thingies for ages but I haven't had the time.

Oh, I know. There you go, have this for now.

-Oh, what, no...

-You can chuck it away, I don't care.

No, I don't think... I mean, what is it?

It's Special Services recovery gel.

-Right.

-It's very manly.

-Yes, I'm sure it is.

-It's one of David's brands.

-David?

-Yes.

-Right.

-It's good gear, we get loads of stuff,

-end up chucking half of it away.

-Oh, right. Well, I mean...

-Well, thank you.

-Pleasure.

You never know, you might be surprised. Might just transform your whole life, Ian.

Right. I'll bear that in mind.

Enjoy.

KAY: Yes, no, I appreciate that.

But the other thing to consider would be to think about

what an overnight visit of the Olympic flame

would do to the profile of Northampton globally.

'Meanwhile, the process of targeting more suitable towns

'for the Olympic torch relay route is underway.'

No, right. Look...

No, sorry, I'm going to stop you there.

You've got the wrong end of the stick here.

I can send you all the "shine a light" guff if you want,

but it's not complicated, this.

I mean, that would be very much up to you.

You might be able to get some famous Northampton-ites, for instance,

involved in some form of celebrity-based youth...

Well, no, there are, in fact, that's not true, actually.

There are lots. It would just be a question of...

Well, OK, Derek Nimmo, for a start.

I'm pretty sure he is.

I bet you if I was to go out in the street now here in London or anywhere down here

and ask people what they think of Pontefract,

I guarantee half of them would never have heard of it,

and the other half would think it's in Wales.

No, I'm sorry, but that's not on, is it? I don't care who you are.

And this is our chance of putting them right.

Yes. OK, OK.

But Nanette Newman, she's still very much alive.

You know, you're a bright lad, you've got a great town.

Hang on just a minute, will you?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-What can I do for you?

-You know those weightlifting tickets?

Were you serious about swapping them with wrestling?

-No, I wasn't, no.

-Oh, right.

-Is that it?

-Yeah, it is, yeah.

Right, thanks.

Yeah, sorry about that, yeah.

'Meanwhile, Ian has come out to a recording studio in West London

'for one of his more unusual meetings.'

BUZZING

RAPS: I get it on, yeah, you get it on

Yeah, I get it on, I said if you get it on, yeah, we get it...

-# Oh-oh-oh-on

-RAPS: Get it on

-Yeah, we get it...

-# Oh-oh-oh-on... #

'Siobhan's team at Perfect Curve has come up with the idea

'of approaching rapper Mini Steppa to get involved

'in the Orbit wrap sexual health campaign.'

RAPS: You heard it, go get it on

You could never be too cool for lubrication

Cos it's a death wish doing it without it on

If you never used it, tell your girl to slap it on...

CHEERING AND WHOOPING

Well done!

Well done, that was so good!

Yeah, awesome, awesome. Awesome, totally.

Hey.

-Sweet.

-Hey, man.

Yes, hello.

SIOBHAN: This is, like, Ian Fletcher,

He's, like, head of...

-Head of Deliverance, yes.

-He's, like, Head of Deliverance.

He's basically, like, running the whole gig.

Cool. You're the dude, man.

-Steady on.

-Respect.

Probably safer to stick with Head of Deliverance.

-Oh, come on, you're the dude, man.

-In fact, Ian will do fine, actually.

You've got to dude up, dude, you get me? Dude up.

-Dude up.

-SIOBHAN: Yeah, dude up.

Dude up.

Right, feels like I've got quite a lot of catching up to do.

Sure, that's totally cool.

'With a campaign as visible and potentially sensitive as this one,

'Ian is keen to be kept in the loop as things develop.'

And so Coco was like, well, we've got Juiced sponsoring the whole Orbit wrap.

We've got the whole sexual health vibe. We should, like, get a rapper involved.

-Yeah, yeah.

-OK.

And I was like, holy shit.

Cos it's like, you get a single word strapline for the whole campaign - Rapped.

-Right.

-Yeah, or Get It On.

-Yeah, or Rapped.

-Yeah.

Yeah, and it's like you almost get, like, one identical word but with lots of cool meanings.

- Right, yes. - No, but like, at the same time.

-Yes, no, I'm getting that.

-Genius.

-It's a pun.

-Hey.

-Cool!

OK, right.

From now on, I want to be copied in on every single detail of this thing.

-Sure.

-Before things happen, not afterwards.

No, totally cool, you the dude.

-Can you stop calling me that, please?

-Yup, totally.

Get it on, uh-huh, get it on... Get it on...

The key thing about that is that it looks right.

Yeah, it does, yeah. Obviously, to achieve that statistically,

I've had to move a few places around compared to where they normally are.

-Right.

-So if you look carefully,

I've had to move Nottingham a lot closer to Sheffield.

-Well, let's...

-Whereas Swindon is a lot further away.

Let's not get too bogged down in detail at this stage.

'With days now left before the official announcement of the torch relay route,

'things are looking much more positive.'

-Obviously still waiting on Shropshire.

-Obviously, yes, but apart from that...

Shropshire?

Yeah, well, that's the only county that we still haven't got anywhere in, OK.

-Right, who's got that?

-Was it Kay?

-Yeah, it is, yes.

-Absolutely, yes.

I was this close with Market Drayton, I really think that,

I spent hours on the phone with them.

Yes, Market Drayton would have been great. What was the problem?

Turns out it was in bloody Staffordshire. They were just keeping quiet about that.

Right.

I'm feeling much more confident about Shrewsbury now.

-Good.

-I've offered them Colin Jackson

-and they're coming back to me.

-OK.

So that's all looking a lot more positive now.

If they could keep Colin Jackson in Shrewsbury, we're on to a winner there, I don't care who you are.

Yeah, hi, it's me. Don't call me back...

'Meanwhile, Ian has discovered that despite applying for tickets

'for both women's fencing and handball, the application has been rejected

'due to his estranged wife Laura's ongoing attempts

'to have him barred from his own bank account.'

I'm going to talk to my lawyer too, obviously, so...

Yeah, so... And don't call me back, have I said that?

Fuck it, who cares.

KNOCKING

-Hey, Ian.

-Hi.

-How are you?

-Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just nipping out for some air.

-Cool, OK. So just to say, Robert Mugabe.

-Oh, right, yes.

Not only is he president of the Zimbabwean National Olympics Committee,

turns out he's president of the whole damn place.

-Right, well, there you go.

-I know.

And how many tickets have they requested?

-1500.

-Right, great. Well, thank you, Daniel.

-That's extremely helpful.

-No, really, pleasure.

'But today, Ian isn't the only one who's chosen to step out for some fresh air.'

-Hi.

-Oh, hi.

Do you mind if I share your office?

No, no, come in, excuse the mess.

I was going to say to you, actually... Oh, maybe it's not a good time.

No, of course. Would you like a light?

Cheers, yeah. I think I would.

This sexual health campaign around the Orbit wrap.

-Oh, right, yes.

-Great idea.

-It is, isn't it, yes.

It's pretty sensitive territory for us to be in, if you know what I mean.

-Yes. Sorry about this.

-No, you're all right.

It's always a bit... Bloody thing.

I mean, the whole thing, just the word sex in the title.

-Well, exactly, yes, sexual.

-Yeah, sexual, yeah.

That's going to be an issue for some people.

-Yes.

-So I was thinking,

I don't know what you think about this, but bring it under the Legacy umbrella.

Oh, right, yes.

It might just give it that extra bit of gravitas somehow.

-Yes.

-Which might be really useful.

Yes. I don't think this is going to work.

No worries, it's fine.

I mean, do you want to...?

-Sure, yeah, why not?

-Great.

-Good.

-Thanks, that's great.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you as an idea.

Yes, no, I can see where you're coming from.

-Kay, hi!

-Oh, hi.

'It's starting to look like a busy day in the smoking area,

'as Head of Sustainability Kay Hope has arrived.'

-Filthy habit.

-Yes.

-Isn't it just?

-I wish I'd never started.

-God, yeah, me too.

-Yes.

Thanks, that's great, Ian.

Right.

Needless to say, we have still been working whilst we've been smoking.

Right, OK.

Sure, yeah, if talking about sexual health counts as work.

Sexual health? Right.

Well, we've been talking about what a terrific thing that whole campaign can be for us.

-Yes, absolutely.

-Actually, do you want a light, Kay?

-I think it's gone out.

-No, it's not, that's fine.

No, yes, because from sustainability point of view, that's the sort of campaign

that could potentially transform sustainable sexual practices

in the lower Lea Valley and beyond.

-Right, we should talk about this.

-I really think that.

Good, we should absolutely talk about this, definitely.

-Yes.

-Daniel, hi.

Oh, right.

Oh, right.

Can you say I'm on my way up? I'll just get my stuff together.

'There's been a call from Sebastian Coe's office,

'asking Ian to go up and see him immediately.'

-Hang on, what's that?

-This is just for you, you can keep it.

I don't really know what's in there, just chucked a whole load of stuff in there this morning.

-Right, no...

-No, it's fine, Ian.

David's like, please, anything to get rid of it.

We get so much of this stuff through his work we don't know what to do with it.

-Here we go.

-Right, I'm sorry, Daniel. I haven't got time for this now.

-OK.

-Sorry.

No, sure, that's fine, Ian. I just wondered whether you thought

-you might be a bit shiny.

-Shiny?

-You know, for Seb, that's all.

-Right.

But if you're cool with that, it's fine, really.

..No, we get that. We're totally good with that.

No, we love Tracey Emin,

we love sharks, we love everything about her.

But when it comes to official Twenty Twelve posters,

maybe easy on the vaginas, that's all we're saying here. ..Thank you.

OK, well, it looks like a vagina to me, so what's the...?

OK, I've never seen a cat looks anything like that, so...

OK, but...either way, it's a pussy, OK?

It's not gonna happen. Get over it.

'Within an hour of Ian's meeting with Seb Coe,

'Siobhan Sharpe has been invited over to the ODC

'for an urgent review of the sexual health campaign.'

Right now, Mini Steppa's flying back from Miami in the air.

IAN: Fine.

We got him on Breakfast with Simon and Kate Monday morning,

Loose Women at lunchtime,

Steve Wright In The Afternoon in the afternoon,

-and The One Show in the evening in the evening.

-OK.

And Get It On has gone totally banzai on YouTube. We've got, like, two million hits already.

-Yeah.

-So...

Plus it's been trending for, like, days on Twitter...

Siobhan, all this is is a list of problems.

-Totally. That's totally what it is.

-Right now...

'Details have begun to emerge on Twitter about exactly

'what's going to be included in the free sexual health goody bags

'with which all athletes attending the Games are to be issued.'

Of the nations of the world competing in the Olympic Games,

whose athletes we're intending to welcome with a free supply of flavoured condoms,

how many would you say are Catholic?

-Sure, totally.

-I mean, just roughly.

No, we can check that. But this is, like, what's your point here, Ian? Cos...

I'm sorry, but I specifically asked you to keep me in the loop on this.

So, with the flavours, we can totally look at that.

Siobhan, the problem here is you're not listening to what I'm saying.

OK, so what I'm saying is, we've pretty much pre-launched the ass out of this already.

Well, tough.

'Following the concerns expressed from above,

'Ian has taken a difficult executive decision

'to cancel the sexual health campaign at the last minute,

'and Siobhan has taken an equally executive decision

'not to accept that decision.'

-..The whole campaign...

-..Just one or two annoying lumps

under the carpet, and if we end up killing the budgie, then...

'But in the meantime, a potential solution is starting to gather momentum

'in an unlikely quarter.'

..And we keep giving TLC to Kevin at BBC Breakfast

and force-feed HRT to Nell at Loose Women.

Hey. Sorry, Ian. Sorry, guys.

-Hi.

-Hey.

Hey, Siobhan. Have you got a minute?

-I am a bit busy at the moment, Daniel.

-Yes, right...

-If it can possibly wait.

-I've just been talking to David.

-David?

-My David.

Oh, right. Well, that's great, that's lovely, Daniel,

but at the moment, I think I'm just about covered with, you know, face cream and...

-I think I might have had an idea.

-Sorry, I haven't got time for ideas...

-I think it might be quite a good one.

-Right.

'Daniel's partner David is European Sales and Marketing Director

'for a well-known cosmetics company.'

It's brilliant. Currently the fastest growing product

in the European cosmetics market - massive.

-Right.

-David's excited, cos it was his idea

-to diversify into sun protection in the first place.

-Really?

Everyone else was like, "It's an overcrowded market as it is,"

but he was like, "You know what, guys?

"I mean, with the Earth warming up and everything,

"I mean, you hate to say it, but this could be the time to get into that."

-Yes.

-He's very stubborn like that.

-Is he?

-Once he gets something into his head,

he's unbearable.

-Not that this isn't fascinating...

-So, well, that's it, basically.

-That's the idea.

-So, what?

You just swap sexual health for skin cancer, just like that, and keep going?

I know it shouldn't work, Ian, but the thing is,

-the more you think about it, the more it kind of does.

-Holy shit.

'Daniel's suggestion combines the key twin advantages

'of moving the goal posts and not scoring an own goal.'

There's some great figures out there on melanoma

and David's got all that stuff already - he could just give it to you.

-Right.

-But the really weird thing is, like, the whole wrap/rap thing?

It still completely works.

-Only now, it could be like a safety wrap.

-Right.

-Get it?

-Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow.

I know. Which in some ways, works better.

-I love this.

-Yes, but hang on a minute...

Say some more.

Get It On works great too, if you think about it.

Oh, yeah. Get it on, huh. Get it on, uh-huh-huh.

Only now it's like, if you're gonna come to London Twenty Twelve,

it's July, it's hot, get it on.

Ain't no-one too cool for lubrication, uh-huh-huh.

-Yes, all right. Thanks, Siobhan.

-It all works.

-It's really spooky.

-I love this. We love "safe".

-I know.

-All right, but hang on a minute.

Before we all get too light-headed about this,

there are one or two little practicalities just to think about.

OK, sure. Yeah, that's a great idea.

I mean, for instance, Juiced were into this sponsorship deal for about three million quid,

-I think, Siobhan.

-OK, sure.

You don't wanna know what David's budget is, I won't tell you that.

-Right.

-Huge.

-Really?

-Huge.

He's already spoken to his MD in New York about this,

but he doesn't actually need to, Ian.

David's very excited about this, Ian.

-Very excited.

-Right. Is he?

In all the time I've known him, I don't think I've heard him sound this excited.

-Well, that's...

-I'm very excited.

Yes, I think I'm starting to get a bit excited too.

-I know.

-I love this job.

-I so love it.

-But Siobhan...

if we're going to contemplate this at all,

you're going to have to have the conversation with Juiced.

Sure, totally. No, I'm totally cool with that.

Cos I'm not going anywhere near that.

-Get it on, uh-huh-huh.

-Siobhan, are you listening to me at all?

Yeah, sure, totally. You the dude. He the dude.

-Right.

-I know.

This isn't about sex. It's actually about skin cancer now, actually.

-Yeah, no, completely.

-I really think that.

No, completely, Kay. But I still think in principle, sexual health feels like a good place to be.

This is obviously...

'It's Monday - launch day for the Orbit Tower wrap campaign.

'But if the main crisis has been narrowly avoided,

'there are other issues still to be resolved.

'Ian's task now is to find a context for the revised campaign

'that works for both Legacy and Sustainability,

'and, much more importantly, for Twenty Twelve itself.'

..most important of all, for Twenty Twelve itself.

-I'm having lunch with Boris tomorrow.

-Right.

-Lunch?

-Are you?

-I just wanted to touch base with him.

-What do you mean, lunch?

-To be honest, I wasn't sure

what I was gonna talk to him about, but I'm starting to wonder

if sexual health is maybe something

-I can interest him in.

-No, I can see that working.

Right, cos I know there's funding there.

-If you think what he did for bikes.

-Well, yes.

This isn't actually about bikes.

If you imagine London plastered Games time

with posters of sexually healthy young people, sponsored by him.

And the great thing about that scenario, Kay, is that it leaves you with the...

Yes, with the cancer. Yes.

Well, with the official Orbit wrap campaign,

and an absolutely terrific Sustainability issue.

-Right.

-FI: Yeah.

-Yes, no, that's great.

Good. So, basically, that's all good.

ON TV: But this is a campaign

You've obviously got a lot invested in personally.

Well, yeah, absolutely, cos this is real, man.

Like, this stuff's actually happening out there, you know.

But how did you get involved? Skin cancer's not the sort of subject

you normally hear people rapping about.

Yeah, but what's your point, like, you know?

You don't exactly think of it as cool.

All right, look, the point is, we're all getting hotter now. You are, she is.

You definitely is.

Each and every one of us out there,

we're all just heating up, and... we're dying, you know.

And we gotta be cool about that. That's all. Be safe. Be cool.

SIMON: Well, I think we've got a clip Of the video here.

-Sure.

-Yeah.

Let's take a look at Mini Steppa in full flow.

Real.

RAPS: Hey

I get it on, you heard it Go get it on

You could never be too cool for lubrication

Cos it's a death wish doing it without it on

If you never used it, tell your girl to slap it on, on, on

# Ooh, rise to the occasion

# Twenty Twelve is here

# When you enter the zone Better be well prepared... #

-We get it...

-# Uh-oh, uh-on... #

Get it on Yeah, we get it...

-# Uh-oh, uh-on... #

-Get it on, yeah...

# You know what we do

# You know, you know what we do

# You know what we do, you know

-# We get it on... #

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hey. Yeah, course I am, yeah. We all are.

I know.

TURNS TV OFF: Right, OK.

I think that's enough of that. That' s all good.

-David's sending you this.

-Ah, right. Good.

-Thank you. Same to him, obviously.

-He says hey.

I know. I know.

-Right.

-You're off, are you?

Yes, I think so. Yes.

Um, now, look, Daniel.

Thanks for all your input over the whole Orbit wrap thing.

-Pleasure, pleasure.

-No, I mean, really. You got us out of a very tight spot...

'For Ian, it's already been a successful day, but things are about to get even better.'

Anyway, um, unless there's anything else, I'll see you first thing in the morning.

Now, I don't want you to think I'm your good fairy or anything.

-Er, no.

-But...

-What's this?

It's a guarantee of tickets.

Wh...? Oh, no. How have you managed that?

I won't go in to the murky details. Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Right. Well, I'm not sure what to say.

-I don't know if you follow wrestling.

-Uh, yes.

Pretty big in our house, I can tell you.

Well, that really is... really is wonderful. Thank you, Daniel.

-Hey, listen, you the dude, Ian.

-Yes.

So, basically, it's all good.

# There may be trouble ahead

# But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and dance

# There may be teardrops to shed

# So while there's moonlight and music and love and romance

# Let's face the music and dance

# Let's face the music

# And dance. #