Browse content similar to This Is Your Life. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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This programme contains adult humour and some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
Gaz, your walked. You're walking! | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
Not right now - I'm on my arse. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
You're the best-looking girl here, hands down. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
I guess I found my motivation - it was my instinct to protect you. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
My man! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
John! John! John! | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Will you give me the chance to prove I'm not a back-shit wacko? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:28 | |
I missed my period. I think I might be pregnant. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
# Hey, Mr Bartender, give me a drink | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
# I want a cold, wet glass with bubbles in it | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
# And that doesn't mean I can't handle anything stronger now | 0:00:45 | 0:00:51 | |
# Just think I'll wait a while | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
# I'll have a pint of lager, please | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
# And a pack of flakies. # | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
Isn't it properly amazing, being a couple? | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Yeah, the best things come in twos - | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
Twixes, boobs and the Chuckle Brothers. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:12 | |
I'm so happy with you, Billy. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
You make me feel like the nice girl I always knew I could be. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:17 | |
BABY VOICE: Aw! You're my cuddly-wuddly! | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
-BABY VOICE: -Aw! Don't make me puke in your face! | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
Gaz is going to love this party. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
He is a really big fan of surprises. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
Every time he gets an unexpected erection, he giggles like a schoolgirl. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
I thought he'd have had enough surprises recently, | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
what with finding out that you might be pregnant. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
HIGH-PITCHED: Have we got enough balloons in here? | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
You haven't told him, have you?! Have you even taken the test yet? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
There's no need. I thought I missed my period ten years ago. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
I've kept a very, very strict diary ever since, | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
and now they're more predictable than... | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Prince Philip saying something unfortunately racist. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
I can't have a baby. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
Why not? You've lived with Gaz all this time. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
That's very similar to looking after a child. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
And one person throwing tantrums and gnawing on my breasts | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
is quite enough, thank you. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:07 | |
Look, you have to tell him what's happening. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
Oi! I've been waiting for a drink for five minutes! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
I'm sorry, but we're having a very serious conversation here! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
Really? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
Cos it sounded to me like, "Blah, blah, blah, I might be pregnant." | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
Followed by, "Waffle, waffle, shit advice, flounce." | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
That was quite a good impression of you, I'll give him that. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
Isn't this great? I love surprises! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
Oh! | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
The guy at the bar's my ex. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
He's a complete psychopath. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
Even the mention of his name gives me the chills. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Graham. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
I didn't think psychos were called Graham. More like Slasher... | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
or Jeremy. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Right, if we play it cool, maybe he won't notice us. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
Hi, Graham! | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
Your ex-girlfriend Cassie's right here. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
ALL: Surprise! CHEERING | 0:03:04 | 0:03:08 | |
What a surprise! I didn't know you had a party planned! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
Everyone! Can I have your attention, please? | 0:03:09 | 0:03:14 | |
Since Gaz has reached the ripe old age of 30, | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
I have arranged a little surprise for him. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
I thought it would be nice | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
to tell everybody the tale of your incredible journey to the big 3-0. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:28 | |
# This is your life! # | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
Nice one! All right, listen, listen, listen. Be warned, everyone, | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
there's going to be some crazy stuff dug up here, I know there is. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
SHE CLEARS THROAT In 1981... | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
Aw! ..Gaz Wilkinson came into the world | 0:03:43 | 0:03:48 | |
in a hospital in Runcorn. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
He then went to school...in Runcorn. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:54 | |
At 15, Gaz became a mechanic in Runcorn. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:59 | |
13 years later, Gaz was in a car accident | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
and had to go back to hospital in Runcorn, | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
where it all started for him, in Runcorn. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:11 | |
It's been quite a journey, hasn't it, Gaz? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
Yeah. Yeah, I, erm... | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Yeah, I was born, went to school, fixed a few engines, | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
had a car crash and went to hospital. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Oh, yeah - in Runcorn. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:29 | |
# This is your life. # | 0:04:31 | 0:04:36 | |
I was so excited about getting my life back after the accident, | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
but what have I got to show for the last 30 years, | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
apart from...knackered wrists and a massive load of used tissues? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
-Donna, all I've got is you. -Well, that's not true. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
You've got Corinthian. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
Yeah, and unlike his dad, he managed to leave pissing Runcorn. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:59 | |
I'm such a waste of space! I've done nothing worthwhile. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Well, don't say that. I... I know something major will happen soon. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:06 | |
Oh, yeah? What? | 0:05:06 | 0:05:07 | |
Well, like you're going to be a dad again. I'm pregnant, Gaz. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
What? How? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
Well, when a man and a lady love each other very much... From us having sex! | 0:05:16 | 0:05:21 | |
How do you think? We weren't always careful after your accident. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
What? No? You mean one of my disabled little guys made it through? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:29 | |
Well, they weren't in wheelchairs themselves. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:35 | |
Or your fanny had good access ramps! | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
This is amazing! I can't...I can't believe it! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
-You're going to be a great mum! -Do you think so? | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
Yeah, you can handle anything, | 0:05:44 | 0:05:45 | |
like late nights, early mornings, puke, piss, poo. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
Yeah, you're going to be a star! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
Yeah, I can't wait. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
Look, just...just don't get too excited. It's early days yet. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
No, no, no, no, I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm cool, I'm cool. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
Yes! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Yes! Hey, who's the daddy?! | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
Who's the daddy? Me! That's... I'm the daddy! | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
Come on! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
So I said, "Hey, I'll have the whole piece, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
-"but only if you don't tell the nun." -HE LAUGHS | 0:06:11 | 0:06:15 | |
SHE LAUGHS UNCERTAINLY | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Please laugh, Billy. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
Oh, I just got it! A nun! | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
You're dead funny, Graham. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:26 | |
Oh, this guy kills me! | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
I'm going to get some more drinks in. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
What are you doing with that drippy twat? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
Ditch him, or I will kill him. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Only joking! | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
Kind of. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
Look, Graham, I'm with Billy now and... | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
You need to be with someone dangerous like me. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
Come on, remember all the trouble we got in, all the plans we made? | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
We never could have invaded Wales. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
And I'm not like that any more. I want to be a good girl now, | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
like Holly Willoughby. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
So if I said, "Let's go and steal some lighter fuel, set a sheep on fire | 0:06:59 | 0:07:05 | |
"and then shag on its ashy remains," | 0:07:05 | 0:07:07 | |
that wouldn't get you going? | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
-Baa! -HE MIMICS EXPLOSION | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
Ooh, you still know how to make me wet! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Oh! Hello, Leonard. Were you hoping for a drink? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
I was actually thinking about dinner. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Oh, you'll be lucky. We stopped serving at seven. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
Look, I meant you and me. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
In a restaurant. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Not here. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
On another day. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Yes, all right! You don't have to spell it out to me! I'm not stupid! | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
What exactly are you saying? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
I'd like to go out with you, Tim. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
But why? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
I think you know why. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
-Oh! -HE GIGGLES | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
You. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
No, seriously, why? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
Because I think you're cute, and I'd like to get to know you | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
and...see if we can take things to the next level. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
-So? How about tomorrow? -Well, it sounds lovely. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
Whoa there, cowboy! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
Let's wait for the date! | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
Come on. Good. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
Gaz, we need to talk! | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Wait, wait, wait. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Check it out. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:21 | |
Watch this! Watch, watch, watch! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
What's up? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
Well, er, I went to the doctor's to make sure that everything's OK... | 0:08:31 | 0:08:35 | |
Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to come and gloat, offer some of me power spunk. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:40 | |
She asked me if I'd been under any stress lately | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
and I said that my boyfriend was in a coma, then paralysed, | 0:08:43 | 0:08:48 | |
our flat had burnt down, | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
we were homeless and broke, | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
and our lives had entirely no hope... | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
..and she said that could cause some stress. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
What are you saying? Is the baby all right? | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
There is no baby. I'm not pregnant, it was just stress. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
What, you were pregnant with stress? What's that, like a food baby? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
No, my...my body got all...shagged up from worrying. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
That's why I missed my period, so we're not having a baby. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Oh, right. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:21 | |
I'm so sorry, Gaz. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Hey, no, no! Hey, it's not your fault, you know? Are you all right? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:28 | |
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure... They have to do some more tests, but... | 0:09:28 | 0:09:32 | |
I should never have told you I was pregnant. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
I just wanted to make you feel better. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
As long as you're OK. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
Hey, well, come on! We can do it now! Let's get them eggs scrambled! | 0:09:39 | 0:09:43 | |
What? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
We can have a kid! My jizz brigade managed it once. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
-You were going to have the baby before. -Right, but that's when I thought | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
I had no choice and...now I can choose. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
I don't want a baby, I never have, you know that. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
What about what I want? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:57 | |
What about all this shit? | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
I don't need £200 credit at Mothercare. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Right, so we should have a baby because you bought a cot? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
And a pram. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
Look, I'm sorry, Gaz, I really am, | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
but things have changed so much lately, | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
I'm just happy with the way things are now. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
Well, what does that mean? | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
I don't know. I... | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
I suppose I'd better take all this stuff back. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Come on, Gaz Junior. Let's go. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
Shite! | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
Are you OK, Gaz? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:40 | |
Not really. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
Come on, cheer up, babe. You've got to look on the bright side of life. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:48 | |
Cassie's out with her ex and I think, "Good for her, that she still can be mates | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
"with a handsome former lover." | 0:10:52 | 0:10:53 | |
And if she decides to leave me for him then...what can you do? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
Are you thick? | 0:10:58 | 0:10:59 | |
What you can do is stand up for yourself! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
Cassie wears the trousers in our relationship, and I wear the knickers. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:06 | |
Listen, if you don't fight for your woman, you're gonna lose her. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Don't let life pass you by like it has me, | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
otherwise you'll end up a sad old man with just broken dreams. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
Sounds like you need a change of scene. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
-You should visit somewhere. -Like where? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Like Liverpool! | 0:11:21 | 0:11:22 | |
I don't need to score any crack, thanks. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
Gaz, it's the City of Culture. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
-It's produced amazing things. -Like what? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
Me! | 0:11:32 | 0:11:33 | |
Yeah, I think I'll go somewhere else, thanks, Billy. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
All right, Gaz? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:40 | |
Yeah, I'm great. I'm leaving. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
But you only just got here, love. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
No, I'm leaving Runcorn. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
I wanna see more of the world, like that time when I saw them rhinos in the wild. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
That was Knowsley Safari Park. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, this time I'm gonna go even further than Knowsley. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
What, Wigan? | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
So that's it? I won't have your baby so you're leaving me? | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
No, I want you to come with me. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:03 | |
Look, Donna, you're... you're the only good thing I've got left, right, | 0:12:04 | 0:12:08 | |
and if you are stressed out, maybe going away could...relax you. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
Well, it is better than your suggestion that I strum one out. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:16 | |
What do you say? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
OK, why not? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:19 | |
I could do with getting away. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:22 | |
I'm not really fussed about my job, to be honest. I hate HR, they're all wankers. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:26 | |
Maybe this might be good for us. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
Yes, this is brilliant! That's br... | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Right, erm... | 0:12:33 | 0:12:34 | |
Right, so I guess...I guess we should... | 0:12:34 | 0:12:36 | |
we should go to Rome and do as the Romans do, whatever that is. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
And then we can check out the rain in Spain, which falls mainly on the plain. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:43 | |
Whatever that is. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
Marvellous. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:46 | |
Any plans that aren't based on crap sayings that you clearly don't understand? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:51 | |
Not really, no. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Right... | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Hiya, Billy, mate. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:58 | |
You all right, babe? I mean... | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
DEEP VOICE: You all right, babe? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Look, I've had enough. You can't take my girlfriend off me - she's mine. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
Well, technically I'm hers, but...but that's how I want it. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
Why would I steal your girlfriend? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
Even though she should be with me, because you're a pathetic loser. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:16 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Only joking! | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
I know your game - how you pretend you're joking, | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
but actually you mean stuff. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
Hey, you're smarter than you look, mate. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Only joking! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
Anyway, Cassie, you can only be with one of us. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
It's either him or me. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
What, you want me to choose? | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
Yeah, I'm standing up for myself. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
If...that's OK. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
Tomorrow at two o'clock, I'm going to be somewhere dead romantic | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
and if you want to be with me, you should meet me there. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
Right, where? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
This pub. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
All right, well, I'll be at the train station at two o'clock. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
If you pick me, meet me there and we'll leave this shitty little town. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
WHISPERS: Damn, that's better than mine. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:01 | |
But this'll be like picking between Phillip Schofield and Satan! | 0:14:01 | 0:14:06 | |
No woman can be expected to make that choice! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
So are you looking forward to your first date tonight? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
It's not my first date! | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
I mean, it's my first ever gay date, | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
but I obviously had lots of hot mamas before Helena. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
Yes, I was quite the tom cat. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
No, this is literally my first date, gay or otherwise. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
And you're shitting yourself, aren't you? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
Oh, like a burst pipe! | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
Leonard was talking about taking things to the next level. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
Ooh, you lucky bugger! | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
Well, fill your boots... | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
with spunk! | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
And by "boots", I mean "mouth". | 0:14:48 | 0:14:52 | |
Ew! Ew! Well, don't you think it's all moving a bit fast? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:57 | |
No, you twat! Look, are you sure you haven't got intimacy issues, Tim? | 0:14:57 | 0:15:02 | |
Are you frightened to get physically close to someone? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
Of course not! | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Don't touch me! Stay away! | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
You need to relax. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
You could do with a good shafting. Right, hey! | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
How about I pick you out a nice shirt, | 0:15:13 | 0:15:17 | |
something that says "spunk in my boots"? | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
PHONE RINGS Oh, you get that. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Donna's dirty chatline. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
Oh! Oh, Donna, it's the hospital. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
Hello? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:34 | |
Yes, my test results, yeah. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Well, what do you mean, inconclusive? | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
Right, but you were rooting around in my fanny for the best part of an hour | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
and if you'd been there any longer, I would have charged you rent. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
I see. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Right, erm, thank you. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:58 | |
Donna, what's wrong? | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
They don't know. I've got to be available for more tests. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:06 | |
Well, how long for? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
They don't know. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
But what about you going away with Gaz? | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
Yeah, I guess that's not happening. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
Yeah, he hadn't thought it through anyway. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
He probably wanted to cross the Atlantic on a pedalo. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
Look, do you want me to cancel my date and stay with you? | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
No, of course not. Anyway, come on. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Let's not worry about my life-threatening illness | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
and crushing my boyfriend's dreams, and pick you out a lovely shirt. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:37 | |
Something with a subtle nod to 1920s Hollywood! | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
Whoo-hoo! Eh? I'm all prepared for our travels. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:47 | |
Arriba, huh? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:48 | |
Are we going to a Looney Tunes cartoon? | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
Look, Gaz, we need to talk. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
Wait, wait, no, me first, listen. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:56 | |
I know that you thought I wasn't serious about going away, so... | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
I bought this book, right, and it says in here | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
that they use different money in different countries. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:07 | |
It's called currency. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
You really are taking this seriously, aren't you? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
Yeah, of course! We can't just hang around here - life's too short. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Look, Gaz, I don't think I can go with you. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
What? No, you said you would, you were up for it. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
Right, but that was before I knew... | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
Knew what? | 0:17:23 | 0:17:24 | |
It...it doesn't matter. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
Oh, great. Great. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
So I've got a ton of baby stuff I can't use and a sombrero I can't wear. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Right, so maybe you should stop randomly buying things. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
Look, it's not that I think that you shouldn't go. I think you should. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
You should just go on your own. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
What? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:45 | |
You really want to do this. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
You bought a book, for God's sakes! | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
If you're that passionate about it, you should go. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
Well, what a surprise(!) Donna's being selfish again. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:58 | |
-Is this about your career, is it? -No, | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
it's just that you act like all you've got is me. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
Well, what if you didn't have me any more and what if I wasn't around? | 0:18:03 | 0:18:08 | |
What does that mean?! | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
It means I can... | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
I can't keep holding you back. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
Everything's got to be on your terms, hasn't it? | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
-It isn't like that. -It's always like that! | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
You say you'll go away with me then you won't, | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
you say you'll have me kid then you don't. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
No, Gaz... | 0:18:23 | 0:18:24 | |
Do you know what? Do you know what? I'm glad that we never bothered. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
You'd be a terrible mother. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:29 | |
All you care about is yourself. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
Are you sure you're having a good time, Tim? You seem a little nervous. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:45 | |
No! I'm not nervous! Not me! | 0:18:46 | 0:18:50 | |
I've been on loads of dates, I have! | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
In no way do I feel out of my comfort zone. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
Relax a bit, OK? | 0:19:01 | 0:19:02 | |
OK, I'll try. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Well, that was a lovely main course, wasn't it? | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
Yes, it was, Leonard. It was, yeah. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
So... | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
What now? | 0:19:14 | 0:19:15 | |
As a noble suitor, I feel we shouldn't take things any further | 0:19:18 | 0:19:22 | |
and we should bring this evening to an end, as pleasant as it's been. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
Tim? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:25 | |
I shall leave enough money to pay for the meal. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
As I consider myself the man, I feel it's right that I should pay. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:32 | |
Not that you're...not the man. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
No, no, no, erm... | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
Nor that if me and you were to ever...er, you know, | 0:19:35 | 0:19:40 | |
that we would somehow designate roles. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:42 | |
I bid you good day! | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
Wrong way! | 0:19:50 | 0:19:51 | |
That's it, Tim! Cassie's not coming! | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
Well, she'd better be! Her next shift's at four. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
I meant she's not coming for me. | 0:19:58 | 0:19:59 | |
She's picked Graham. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
Oh, never mind, Billy. Some of us are just destined to be alone. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:05 | |
I know I'll be growing old without any physical pleasure | 0:20:05 | 0:20:09 | |
and only my legions of cats and my John Barrowman photograph for company. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
Come on, Captain Jack, let's embrace our lonely fate. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:18 | |
He's a chuffing drama queen, my brother. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
Cassie! You came! | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
How could I choose anyone over you, Billy McCormack? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:27 | |
But Graham's fun and nice-looking and he tells a good story. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
Oh, and that smile of his! | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
You can still go catch him at the train station. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
He wouldn't be interested in me. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
Shut up, you lovely moron! | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
OK. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Gaz? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:49 | |
Gaz? | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
"Donna, I've gone to the airport. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
"I've wasted enough time hanging round here. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
"Maybe when I come back you'll have learned to be less selfish. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
"That's if I ever do come back. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
"See ya. Gaz." | 0:21:13 | 0:21:14 | |
I love you, Cassie. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
I love you too, Billy McCormack. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
Aw, ain't this touching(!) | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
-I think I might be sick. -Graham? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
I knew you'd choose Billy over me... because you're a loser | 0:21:28 | 0:21:32 | |
and you wanna be with other losers. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:33 | |
Plus, I saw it on your Twitter feed! | 0:21:33 | 0:21:37 | |
Well, if I can't have you back, | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
I ain't gonna let this pathetic Scouser have you either. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
You stay away from him! | 0:21:43 | 0:21:44 | |
I can fight me own battles, Cassie. I'm tough. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
-Shut it, Billy! -OK. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:47 | |
I never stood up to you when we were together, | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
so I'm doing it now. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:52 | |
You're not gonna do anything to me. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
You're just a frightened little girl. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
You need a real man like me to take control of you. | 0:21:57 | 0:22:00 | |
God, you're right. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
I should be with someone like you. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
That's all I'm good for. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:07 | |
Only joking! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
Now fuck off and if you ever come back again, I will kill you! | 0:22:14 | 0:22:19 | |
Cassie, that was amazing! | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
Oh, I'm so proud of you! | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
Even though you technically threatened to murder someone. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
You chose me cos I stood up for myself! | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
-I've got to do that more often. -No, Billy. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
OK, great. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
Gaz! | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
Gaz... | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
I'm s-sorry. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
Gaz. Gaz! | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
Why couldn't I go out with a blond bloke with an Afro?! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
Oh, John Barrowman photo, you understand me. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
You're not concerned with matters of the flesh. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
Oh, why would you be? You're a photograph! | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
-KNOCK AT DOOR -Who's there? | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
KNOCK AT DOOR | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
h, Beyonce's bloomers! If you've forgotten your key again, Cassie... | 0:23:07 | 0:23:11 | |
-Hello. -Leonard! Who let you up here? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:15 | |
Your sister. Well, she had to stop going at it | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
with her boyfriend on the bar first, but... | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
Well, I hope she put a beer mat down. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
Look, I'm not really comfortable with you being here. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:27 | |
What are you so afraid of? | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
You! And your big...penis. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:33 | |
Tim, please! | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
It's not that big. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:36 | |
It's pretty big. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
But not that big. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Why is that scary? | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
Because you wouldn't really want me. Let's be honest, I'm not sexy. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
I think you're sexy. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Oh, you're just saying that. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
Look at me! Who'd want to...? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
Oh, my...! | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
Oh! | 0:24:00 | 0:24:01 | |
I really fancy you... | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
and I'm happy to take things slow. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Bugger that! | 0:24:06 | 0:24:07 | |
Gaz! Excuse me, excuse me. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
Gaz! Sorry. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:13 | |
-Gaz. -You're coming? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:16 | |
Travelling a bit light, aren't you? | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
Er, no, I'm not coming with you. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
I just... I didn't want you hating me from the other side of the world. | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
I don't hate you. I couldn't. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:29 | |
I could stay. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:33 | |
No, you need to do this. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
There's more to your life than Runcorn. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
Unless you want to stay? | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
I do, I do. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:43 | |
Just...I also want to go. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Then you should go. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:51 | |
Or you could stay. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:54 | |
No, no, Donna, you're doing my head in. I can't... | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
I love you so much. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
I love you too. I...I always will. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:08 | |
No, I was just thinking about having kids. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
I mean, if a poor young couple accidentally fall pregnant | 0:25:12 | 0:25:17 | |
then they can still be all right, can't they? | 0:25:17 | 0:25:19 | |
MUSIC: "All Time Love" by Will Young | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
-Ah-ha! -Ta-da! | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Ta-da! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:25 | |
I love you, Donna. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:27 | |
I can only offer you my heart. | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Gaz, you promised me | 0:25:35 | 0:25:36 | |
-this wouldn't happen again! -Want to get in? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
-Oh, my God! -Miaow! | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Let's give it another ten minutes. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:55 | |
If nothing happens, I'll stick me finger up your arse. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
Ah! Wait, what are you doing? I thought we were going to christen the van? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
Stop! | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
Satan! HE SCREAMS | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
Why can't you just leave me alone?! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
It's a sheep! | 0:26:10 | 0:26:11 | |
-Baa! -Argh! | 0:26:11 | 0:26:12 | |
SHEEP BLEATS | 0:26:14 | 0:26:16 | |
Maybe you could wear skirts that leave less to the imagination... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
Are you crying? | 0:26:27 | 0:26:28 | |
No, you twat! | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
-Shut up. -Never speak to me again! | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
How did this happen? | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
You don't understand me. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:45 | |
Anyone who stuck their cock in their wife's best friend! | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
The tit wanks are more cushiony. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:55 | |
Right! | 0:26:57 | 0:26:58 | |
Yes! Yes! | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
Have you got a massive hard-on? | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
I hate you. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:05 | |
Bogge ye offe! | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
We can't keep doing this, Gaz. We're adults now. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
What have I been doing? | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
But I love him too. I always have. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
So will you marry me? | 0:27:14 | 0:27:15 | |
Go on, give us a snog, pretty girl. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Will you marry me? | 0:27:21 | 0:27:22 | |
I love you. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
ANNOUNCEMENT BELL CHIMES | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
TANNOY: 'Would passenger Wilkinson please proceed to gate 9 immediately.' | 0:27:30 | 0:27:35 | |
You've got to go. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
I don't want to go now. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
Yes, you do. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:40 | |
-Come here. -Don't... SHE SOBS | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
I love you, all right? Bye. | 0:27:57 | 0:28:01 | |
# I want an all time love | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
# To find me | 0:28:08 | 0:28:15 | |
# I want an all time love | 0:28:15 | 0:28:21 | |
# Cos nothing else is good enough | 0:28:21 | 0:28:27 | |
# I want an all time love | 0:28:28 | 0:28:33 | |
# To find me. # | 0:28:33 | 0:28:41 |