Episode 4 W1A

This programme contains some strong language.

Stand-by, two. Mix through. Cue on two.

The BBC's announced the appointment

of ex-Head of Olympic Deliveries, Ian Fletcher,

as its new Head of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

Yes, no, I know. Yes, no, I saw that.

Yes. Yes. No, Tracey, I saw it.

It's Thursday morning at New Broadcasting House in Central London.

And it's not a good start to the day for BBC Head of Values Ian Fletcher.

Well, how do you think I feel? I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

What? No, in a bad way.

He's already late for work, but he's about to discover

he's not as late yet as he's eventually going to be.

Oh, bloody hell. Morning. Right.

The mood music from George Osborne's Treasury is still all around

the theme of the deficit,

and the need for further cuts in the years ahead.

Meanwhile, up in Tommy Cooper, the daily Damage Limitation Meeting

has already started without him.

I have to say, for what it's worth, I thought she was rather good.

No, she's bloody good. I thought we were OK, thought it was just a bump,

-until that bloody skirt on Monday night.

-Yes.

-Then all hell broke loose.

The first item on today's agenda involves a new presenter

on the BBC's current affairs flagship Newsnight,

who has been accused of wearing clothes

that are inappropriately watchable.

..professor of Economics at Warwick University...

Can I just say, you're not going to want to hear this,

but her legs have now got their own Twitter account.

-Right.

-Yeah.

-Yikes.

-Hashtag kneesnight.

You have to say it is actually a pretty good name for it.

-Oh, yes, no, brilliant.

-It's bloody great.

So just to clarify, Neil, the original complaint about this was...

-It was internal, yeah.

-Yes, and that was...

-Another presenter, yeah.

-Right.

No, it's another classic own goal.

Yes, and when you say another presenter...

-I'm sworn to secrecy, I'm afraid.

-Oh, yes, no, of course...

-Sorry.

-Yes, but just so we know, who is it?

-BLEEP BLEEP.

-Right. OK.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-OK. So that could be a bit...

Oh, yeah, no, it's a live grenade with the pin out.

-Hi.

-Ah, the man of the moment.

-Sorry I'm late.

-No, come on in.

Took a bit longer to get in through the front door than usual.

Yes, no, brilliant.

-Thanks, would you be able to put that somewhere?

-Yeah, OK, cool.

-Thanks, great.

-So like...

-No, just somewhere that isn't here.

OK, cool, yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

With Ian's arrival,

the meeting can address the main item on this morning's agenda.

Ian.

I mean, the salary's one thing, I can live with that...

-Yes, I should hope so, Ian.

-..but the private stuff...

No, that is a problem.

-I mean, it's unforgivable.

-No, it really is very irksome.

Overnight, a media story about the size of Ian's BBC salary has developed.

Several papers are now alleging that not only did he misuse

public funds at the Olympic Deliverance Commission

by asking his Personal Assistant to arrange a private holiday for him in Italy in 2012,

but also that he deliberately took her with him in order to enjoy it.

I mean, for what it's worth, I had a quick muffin with Tony this morning.

-A muffin?

-Yes, he's very chipper about the whole thing, isn't he?

Yeah, just cutting the crap for a second...

-Brilliant.

-..just so we don't end up with the usual fuck-up in News.

-Right.

-Yes, no, very good.

-So the personal stuff...

-Right, yes.

So the PA, the whole Umbrian doodah, you know, that stuff...

-Right.

-I mean...

-Love nest.

-What?

-Umbrian love nest.

-Yeah, well...

-Brilliant.

-Right, OK.

-I mean, it's a free country

and I mean, I should be so lucky, who doesn't like Umbria,

but just for the sake of clarity and for the avoidance of doubt,

whatever the fuck that means, that's just the usual bollocks, is it?

-Right, yes.

-I mean, it's all made up, it's not true?

I mean, for God's sake. I paid for it myself.

I couldn't stop her arranging it.

-Right.

-Brilliant.

-OK.

Great.

Righty-ho.

-Hi, Will.

-Oh, yeah, hi. Yeah, hi.

-How are you?

-Yeah, good, yeah.

Sorry I'm a bit late in this morning. Are you waiting for something?

What? No, yeah, I was just going to leave Ian Fletcher's bike here

-next to your desk?

-OK.

-Cool.

-Just put it next to Simon's.

-Just so I know where it is.

-Yes, that's fine.

-Cool.

-Oh, God, that is brilliant, Will, thank you.

-Yeah, no worries.

-Must have taken you for ever.

No, it's cool, yeah, it's my own fault.

Overnight, intern Will Humphries has very nearly succeeded

in his task of putting 400 letters of invitation to a major BBC event

into 400 different envelopes and then sealing them up one after the other.

-What's happened here?

-What? Yeah, I know!

-So this is a letter to David Cameron.

-Yeah.

And this is an envelope addressed to Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales.

Yeah, Prince Charles, yeah, I know.

So. I mean...

Yeah, I know, it's like I don't know how that happened?

It's just one so I thought I'd leave it till you got here.

-OK, well, presumably...

-Yeah.

Let's hope that the letter for Prince Charles

is in the envelope for David Cameron.

Yeah, cool, yeah, presumably, yeah, cool.

-Right, so where is the letter for Cameron?

-Yeah... Say again?

-The envelope addressed to Cameron.

-Right, yeah.

-Where is it?

-Yeah, cool, yeah, it's in there somewhere. I saw it.

"From Bakewell Tarts to Melton Mowbray Pork Pies,

"a culinary tour of the nation's taste buds.

"Each week, Rick Stein and new face Sally Wingate

"adopt a village each as they battle it out, live and against the clock,

"for the title of Britain's Tastiest Village."

It's genius, Lucy. Wonderful.

-Rick Stein's wrong for this.

-Oh, yeah, no, definitely. Lovely Rick.

We're not doing old and bald.

Meanwhile, Producer Lucy Freeman has been asked to rewrite

the press release for the forthcoming new show

Britain's Tastiest Village, following the sad loss of its tastiest ingredients,

Alan Titchmarsh and either Clare Balding or Carol Vorderman.

I mean, obviously this is your show, David...

-I so want to see this show.

-I just thought making it a live show

-might somehow...

-Yeah, no, genius.

It's a big thing, obviously, but I suppose what I was...

-No, sure. So where are we up to with names?

-Right.

If we're going to do this at all.

Despite Lucy's concerns about the basic premise of the show itself,

the question of who's going to present it is much more

important than that. And Anna has got an idea.

-Gary Lineker?

-Yes.

-Genius.

Head of Output Anna Rampton has met TV colossus Garry Lineker

at the Pride of Sporting Britain's Little Children Awards,

and something has happened.

The fact is Gary's sick of football.

-He has been for years, you can see it in his face.

-Lovely Gary.

He's surrounded by deadbeats 24/7, he's ready for a change.

It's like every week he's got to make those terrible jokes.

This is one of those moments. We should make this thing happen.

This is like, this is so cool.

But Gary's all about Up, not about Sideways.

-What?

-Well, the fact is he's not going to want to do something

just about food at this point in his career.

-OK.

-But this is Britain's Tastiest Village. The clue is in the title.

So we talked about maybe Britain's Top Village.

-Britain's Top Village?

-Christ.

The fact is this is Sunday night Event Television.

-Yes, of course.

-There's got to be more to this than a few pork pies and some tarts.

I know, cos if you break down a whole village, then it's...

-what have you actually got?

-Yep.

-I mean it's genius.

What have you got?

Well, I mean, you got like houses, and you got food,

and you got like gardens, you've got like makeovers,

and you've got characters, you know, like weird people and that,

and you got pets, and you got football teams...

-Yes.

-And I don't know, maybe a choir or something, or vegetables.

-Yes, OK.

-Oh, my god. OK, can I just say right now, Anna,

you're going to do the speech at the BAFTAs,

cos I'm so going to be off my face.

Cameron... Cameron... Nope.

-OK, not in that one either.

-Cool.

Yeah, my brother does this thing...

-Shall we just do this first?

-Yeah, OK, cool.

-Ah, here we go, David Cameron.

-OK, cool, yeah, David Cameron.

I'll just print off another address sticker and get a new envelope.

Yeah, cool, it was in that one all the time.

-Ah, right. OK.

-What?

-Joan Bakewell.

-Yeah. What?

This one's to Joan Bakewell.

Yeah, I don't know who that is.

So how many of these are wrong, Will?

-Two.

-Two?

No, OK, crap. Three.

Right. OK. Thanks, Will.

It's like with me, sometimes, it's like I'm completely useless.

-Yes.

-Shall I...?

-No, it's OK.

-OK.

-Thanks, Will. I'll sort it out.

OK, yeah. Cool.

Yes, no, I know.

No, but Dan you shouldn't feel that, you mustn't. You know,

it was just one meeting, that's all. I mean, they hadn't even read it.

Meanwhile, in a break between meetings,

producer Lucy Freeman has found time to catch up with other projects.

No, listen. Nothing worthwhile is easy, you know?

Yes, OK. Bye, Dan, bye. Bye.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-You sure?

-Yes, sure.

I think I owe you one.

It's also a convenient moment to look for a desk that isn't already too hot to work at.

To save you asking, I haven't read that script yet.

What, Home Truth? No, no.

I will do, I'd like to, but I had a few other things to...

Yes, no, of course.

So was that the writer you were talking to?

Yes. Dan, yes. He's up in Wetherby.

-I was just trying to cheer him up.

-Yes.

So nothing worthwhile is easy.

-Yes.

-What does that actually mean?

I'm not really sure, but I always think it sounds good, doesn't it?

Yeah, sounds great.

Yes, hi.

Yes, I'd like to send some flowers, please.

Please, yes, that's why I phoned.

I mean, if you don't mind me asking, Ian, how much were you earning

back at the Olympic Deliverance Commission?

-The Olympic Deliverance Commission.

-A-ha!

-I just think that could be relevant here.

-Brilliant.

Meanwhile, Director of Strategic Governance Simon Harwood

has arranged for Ian to meet BBC Head of Humane Resources Elaine Pearson

to have a bit of a natter about the issue of his salary.

Well, leaving aside the rights and wrongs of all the personal stuff

-for the moment...

-Right. Well, no, wait a minute...

Yes, cos I'm not being funny or anything, Ian,

but who knows what they're going to turn up next?

I'm sorry, but this... you're talking as if... I haven't done anything wrong here.

-No.

-No, no, no.

-I was divorced, I was out of a job after seven years

on the bloody Olympic Games, I went to Italy for one week

with someone who, she... OK, it was a mistake, OK?

-Ah, yes, good.

-It was a mistake, I think I probably knew it at the time.

We had separate rooms, it rained,

there was some sort of dreadful tomato festival for the whole bloody week,

she spent pretty much the last two days in tears,

I felt physically sick with guilt, and then we came back.

-OK.

-I mean, what's wrong with that?

-Oh, yes.

-Nothing.

No, Simon and I were talking earlier and I know you've talked to Tony...

-Oh, yes, who by the way is pretty perky about this.

-Right. Is he?

The fact is you do earn almost twice as much as the Prime Minister.

-You are BBC Head of Values.

-Hang on.

There's no getting around it, that's a pretty toxic combination.

I'm sorry. People keep banging on about the Prime Minister.

I can't do anything about how much the Prime Minister earns, can I? I mean, that's really not my fault.

-No.

-No.

-Oh, no, no, absolutely not.

You know, and by the same token, I can't do anything about

how much I earn, can I? That's really not my fault, either.

So really, I mean, I just,

-I don't think that's a helpful line of argument.

-Brilliant.

What?

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

-Fiona Bruce.

-No.

-No, OK.

Great with disasters and uprisings,

-but the fact is Fiona doesn't do fun.

-Yeah, lovely Fiona.

Elsewhere, as Britain's Top Village inevitably takes shape,

the issue for Anna Rampton is who could be shiny enough

to present alongside Gary Lineker,

leaving newcomer Sally Wingate's face free to play a less obvious role.

-Sorry, Anna.

-That's OK, Jack.

-Bit of a queue downstairs.

-Sure.

Went out to Starbucks in the end. Hope that's going to be OK.

-No, I don't want that now.

-OK.

-You can leave the water.

-Sure.

-Also this is broken.

-OK.

-Can you?

-Sure, yep. I'll have a look.

-OK.

Julia Bradbury.

Right. OK.

-Lovely Julia.

-No.

-No, OK.

-There you go, it's good now.

Good. The fact is we need big hitters here.

I know, the thing about Julia is, like, she really needs to be walking?

As soon as she stands still, it's not there somehow, it's gone.

-Oh, Jack had an idea.

-OK.

-Jack.

-Yeah.

-Britain's Top Village.

-Yeah, right, OK. Holly Willoughby.

Yes.

-Fuck.

-Holly Willoughby...

-It's genius.

I mean, do you think that would actually work?

What? Holly Willoughby and Gary Lineker? Together?

-I just mean...

-I'm like, is that even legal?

-OK, good.

-I feel dirty even saying it.

I mean, I can't remember the exact...

figure, not in terms of actual...

No, sure, ballpark's fine. To the nearest few thousand.

Right. Well, the Olympics is a long time ago

and obviously I've spent all of it now, but I suppose it must have been,

well, it must have been... I mean, do I have to?

-I suppose somewhere in the region of, I mean, I don't know,

-BLEEP

-thousand pounds.

-BLEEP

-thousand.

I mean, very roughly, yes, I mean, I'm guessing.

-Very good.

-OK, so you got a decent uplift in coming to the BBC.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-I mean, I'm not feeling particularly uplifted at the moment.

Meanwhile, back in Frankie Howerd, Elaine Pearson is taking Ian

through some of the advantages of cutting his current salary,

which we are unable to reveal here for ethical reasons, to a level

more comparable with someone who earns a lot less than that.

I mean, I have to say I'm not entirely comfortable

-with this whole idea.

-Well, although...

If ever there was an opportunity for the BBC to stand tall

and make a big, bold statement about how much it values

the idea of valuing values, then surely this is it.

Oh, yes, no, very strong.

I'm sorry, I may be stupid, but I just don't see how

the Head of Values cutting his own salary in half does that.

-Oh, well.

-In half?

-Blimey.

-Well, no, that's...

-Steady on, everybody.

It's not going to be easy to arrive at an appropriate figure,

but slowly and surely they're working their way down towards one.

What I'm saying is if we were able to say, amongst the first things

the incoming Head of Values did at the BBC was to look at

-his own salary and cut it to, I don't know, say

-BLEEP

-thousand pounds less

than he was earning in his previous job - we can work on the detail obviously -

wouldn't that be one hell of a signal to put out there?

-Right.

-That's brilliant.

I'm not being funny or anything, Ian, but I gotta say that is genius.

-Well...

-There's your big bold statement right there.

-BLEEP

-thousand.

Like I say, we can work on the detail.

For what it's worth, and I mean, listen, I don't know how

this stuff works, but BLEEP thousand seems pretty good to me.

-Well, I mean...

-Yes, cos that's

-BLEEP

-thousand less than you used to earn before,

-but it's

-BLEEP

-thousand less than you're actually earning now.

-Yes.

-Plus it's

-BLEEP

-pounds less than the Prime Minister.

-Well, exactly, yes.

-Right. OK.

-It's perfect.

-It's joyous.

No, well, I mean, as an option that's very interesting, thank you, Elaine.

Cos I suppose what you want to be thinking here, Ian, is,

what are my other options?

Well, exactly, yes. Absolutely.

And I don't want to be negative or anything,

but from where I'm standing, I'm not seeing any.

Chaps, I have to say that I think we have done something really rather momentous here.

-Yes.

-Yes, well, no, I'll certainly...

Elaine Pearson - Superwoman.

-No, really...

-Yes, no, thank you very much.

Will.

Yeah, hey, yeah. No, nothing.

-Still here.

-What? Yeah.

-Good, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's like, I was just, yeah, I don't know.

I was going to ask where you put it this morning,

but it looks like it's been around a bit.

Yeah, no, I've been round here, I haven't been on the road.

Honestly, it's ridiculous. Head of bloody Values, nowhere to put my bike.

Yeah, crap, yeah. Crap.

Will.

-Yeah.

-What are you doing now?

No, nothing, I've been here all the time.

-You all right?

-What? Yeah, cool, yeah, cool.

Are you doing anything for the next half hour or so?

-What, now?

-Yes.

-No.

Right, OK. Good.

It's Friday morning.

A new day, and for Ian a day that already feels

very much like Thursday morning.

No, look, what I'd say is...

This is a chance to make a clear and confident public statement

about the BBC's core values and about what makes it different from

just about every other broadcasting organisation in the world.

And these chances don't come along very often.

How are you going to feel about earning even less than the Prime Minister?

No, look, this isn't about me or the Prime Minister.

I think one of the achievements the BBC of today can be proudest of

is that it pays its key talent less than anyone else,

and I'm certainly proud to have been given the chance

to be part of that, so, no, that's all good.

The thing about this is, for once it isn't actually

about the standard of journalism on the show.

-No, I know that.

-Which, as Tony said, is really kinda fabulous.

Yeah, bollocks.

Meanwhile, inside, Simon Harwood is in the gallery of the Newsnight studio.

He's come for a bit of a catch-up about what's now being referred to as the Kneesnight Issue

with Current Head of News and Current Affairs Neil Reid

and Acting Editor of Kneesnight Mark Stephenson.

I mean, you guys'll know how you want to handle this thing but Mark,

-would it be an idea to just have a little chat with her?

-With Indira?

-Yes, you know...

-What, talk about her skirt?

Well, no, just, you know, just to have a bit of a chinwag over

a coffee and take the heat out of the whole thing.

-Yeah, it's an idea, but it's a terrible idea.

-Fine.

There's so many ways of that going wrong.

-It's just a question of which one to choose.

-Yes.

Yes, no, brilliant, brilliant.

Overnight, the Leader of the House of Commons Harriet Harman,

herself a woman, has tweeted about the increasing sexualisation of television news.

-It doesn't help we're all fucking men.

-No.

I mean, look at us, for God's sake.

Yes, and in an ideal world, what outcome are we looking for here?

Well, in an ideal world, I suppose,

they'd all still be sitting behind desks like they used to.

-None of this would ever have happened.

-Brilliant.

As it stands we've got them prancing around the set like heifers at a county show.

Yes, so whose idea was it to have them standing up so much?

-Don't know.

-I don't know.

Nobody likes it. Paxman looks like he's waiting for a fucking bus.

Brilliant. I know you'll know what you're thinking on this

but for what it's worth, Tony absolutely loves desks.

I was saying to Mark, why don't we get Bruce Forsyth

to present Newsnight and have done with it, then everybody's happy.

-Yeah.

-Yes, no, brilliant, Neil, brilliant.

No, of course, I mean, that goes without saying,

but the fact is Gary Lineker was voted in the top 50 men

you'd most like to surprise you in the shower.

Meanwhile, producer Lucy Freeman is already on the phone.

She's managed to talk to Holly Willoughby's agents,

despite how difficult that is to do.

Initially, it would obviously be great

if we could maybe meet Holly, maybe lunch or something, tell her

a bit about... No, sure, I mean it could just be a salad or something.

Absolutely, of course.

OK, well, look, that's great, Tamsin.

Look forward to hearing from you.

OK, thanks, lovely, bye. Bye.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Yeah, hi.

-How are you? OK, no, forget that.

-Yes.

No, I'm OK today, thanks.

Oh, OK.

-Have you got a moment?

-Yes. Sure.

-Oh, now?

-Sure.

-Right, OK. Yeah.

-Yes.

-Wow.

-Yes.

-Yeah, we built it.

-Come on in.

-Yeah, this is where the bike goes.

-Right.

-Here.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Pretty cool.

-Thanks, Will.

-I thought offices weren't allowed.

-No, they're not, no.

-No.

-No, but I think what I've realised is that ultimately,

in the big scheme of things, you know, sod it.

-Yes, right.

-Yeah, cos it's like in the end life's too short and then you die?

-Yes.

-Yes, thanks, Will.

OK, cool, yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

-Have a seat.

-Thanks. Great.

So I didn't really get much sleep last night.

-No, right.

-So I read Home Truth.

Oh, OK.

-Twice.

-Right.

-Yes.

As if his morning hasn't been interesting enough already,

suddenly, out of nowhere, Ian has a got a text from someone waiting in reception.

Sally.

Oh, yes, hi, yes.

-What are you..? How are you?

-Oh, yeah, fine.

-I mean, I just...

-Yes, no, not a problem.

-Shall we..?

-Just came, thank you for these.

-Oh, no, it's just, I couldn't...

-I can't, I don't actually want them.

Right.

Yes, and please don't... I'd quite like it

if you didn't actually ring me, or contact me again.

-Right.

-Yes, and...

-Sally...

-Yes, thank you, that's...thank you.

-Sally...

Yeah, hey.

-Yes, hi, Will.

-Yeah, I just got a coffee. Cool flowers.

-Yes.

-Yeah, nice and big.

-Yes, do you want them?

-Yeah, say again?

-There you go.

-Uh...

-It's your lucky day.

Yeah, cool, yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

So what Barney's going to do here, what's going to happen,

and he's going to talk us through some really cool ideas,

-and then we're just going to talk about stuff. OK?

-Brilliant.

Meanwhile, BBC Brand Consultant Siobhan Sharpe

has brought Senior Perfect Curve go-to-guy Barney Lumsden

over to New Broadcasting House to present the initial results

of Perfect Curve's mission to refresh the famous BBC logo

and make it feel more like an app.

I know you'll know how you want to do this better than I do.

-Sure, yeah.

-Just before you start, maybe could you just give us

-a bit of background about how the...

-No, sure, I mean, so how we do this

-is we do background afterwards.

-Oh, right, OK.

Yeah, Barney's a kind of foreground first kind of guy.

-Brilliant.

-OK, so, what have we got here?

We got three letters. Not even three, we've got...

-Two.

-Two letters, cos the first two

are the same letter, which is like a B, so we got two letters,

-and they're in a row, which is like one after the other.

-Sure.

And we're like, "Thanks, guys,"

it's not like they've given us a lot to work with here...

After the brave decision to lose the letters "B," "B" and "C"

from the famous BBC logo, Barney has got some examples

of what the new BBC icon might look like.

It's kinda universal. It could be, it could be whatever you like.

-It could be B, B, C.

-BBC.

-Yeah.

-BBC.

-Yeah, but without the...

-Nn, nn, nn. Nn, nn, nn.

-Yeah, but...

-Nn, nn, nn.

And it's getting bigger, it's getting stronger,

-it's like it's coming out of...

-Sure. That's comin' at ya.

And we're like for the BBC, that's pretty much exactly...

-OK, so we've got that now.

-OK.

-Now do the next one.

OK, cool.

God.

Don't ask me. They were just here.

What?

They must have cost a fortune.

So what, this isn't normal for you?

Jesus, this is...

I know, they've really gone the whole nine yards.

What? "Sally. I'm so sorry.

"If there's anybody that doesn't deserve it, it's you.

-"I hope you're OK."

-Sally?

God, this... Where's Will? This is really weird.

-Yeah, and I mean, like, who's Ian?

-What?

-No, no...

-Have you read this?

-No, I just mean...who's Ian?

-And you've got three main areas here...

-Threeeee.

You've got British, yeah, British, Broadcasting and Company.

Meanwhile, back in the logo presentation,

Perfect Curve go-to-guy Barney Lumsden is getting

ever closer to the cutting edge in his quest

to rebrand the BBC as an app.

No, you've gone backwards again.

-Hi, apologies.

-Ah, brilliant, Mr BBC.

-Yes, just been a bit...

-Yes.

-Sort of one of those days.

-No, no, brilliant.

-How's it going?

-No, brilliant.

-Yes.

After being downstairs for a while,

Ian has finally managed to find his way back to the sixth floor.

Cos what we realised with the number three is that

-it's kind of like a universal number.

-Threeeee.

-Yeah...

-Nn-nn-nn, nn-nn-nn.

And we were like, "Is there like a universal thing

"that gives you the number three?" And that's when...

-Triangle.

-Yeah, and that's when we came up with triangle.

-Right.

-But when we tried it, what we found was, a triangle on its own,

-it wasn't very, it didn't really...

-It was un-appy.

-Yeah, un-appy, yeah.

-I'm sorry, Siobhan, I've been

just about hanging on up to now, but I'm afraid that's done it.

Um, OK, so it wasn't appy, OK? It was un-appy.

-Oh, right. OK.

-Un-appy, yeah.

-Thank you.

-We love this, we so love it.

And then we thought, "What if you had two triangles, one pointing up

"and one pointing down, like they've crashed into each other."

-Right.

-OK.

-Blimey.

-And suddenly we were like...

-Yay!

"..This is like an explosion in a triangle factory!"

-You got threes everywhere you look.

-Nn-nn-nn.

You've got energy, this really cool dynamic, you've got a...

-Well, you've got a star.

-You've got a star, yeah, cool.

You've got the Star of David.

-Excuse me?

-You've got the Star of David.

-Right, so...

-Oh, yes, very good.

-David who?

The universal symbol for the Jewish faith and people.

-You're joking me.

-No, he's not, Siobhan.

-Yeah, sure...

-Hey.

-Yeah, hey.

OK, look, thanks for that, Siobhan, that's great.

Go, BBC. Go, triangle. Go, David.

-Yes. SIMON:

-Brilliant.

-TRACEY:

-Yes.

-Hi.

-Yes, hi.

-Oh, Anna, actually, I wanted to just

-run something by you.

-Right.

-I don't know

-if you've got a second.

-Now?

-Well, yes,

-it's just...

-No, not really.

-No, right.

If you want to e-mail Jack, he can put something in the diary.

-OK, fine.

-OK, good. It's not important?

What? No, I mean, it's just, no... I mean, probably not.

What were you doing with it?

I was working at a desk and I got talking to the person next to me.

-This was just someone who...

-Yes, OK.

I suppose that's the thing with open-plan, isn't it?

-What were you doing with the script?

-Yeah, she was telling me about this

thing she was working on, and I happened to say I'd never actually read a script.

-Right.

-Anyway...

-Could you hold that for me?

-I've finished with it.

-Uh, yes... OK, thank you.

-So anyway, I ended up reading it last night.

-Right.

-Both episodes. Twice.

-Right.

-I mean,

cos I know you guys didn't really go for it, so...

-Neither Matt nor I were convinced.

-No...

-We see a lot of scripts.

Yes, of course, no, the only reason I mention it is I hope

I haven't committed a faux pas, that's all.

-A faux pas?

-I was talking to Tony this morning, and I...

-Yes.

-I found myself talking about Home Truth in passing.

I probably shouldn't have done, but we'd got on to the issue

-of what the BBC is actually...

-Yeah, sure.

-Anyway, he asked me to leave it with him.

-The it.

-What?

-The script.

It's interesting, you realise he probably never

-gets the chance to actually read a script either.

-Yes.

-You forget.

Cos like you say, you guys are reading scripts

-all the time.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Knock-knock.

-Ah, who's there?

-Simon.

-Simon who?

-Yes, exactly, who the hell cares?

-Yes, come on in.

-Well, this is all very lovely.

-Isn't it? It's not an office.

-Of course not.

-It's a creative clearing.

-Brilliant.

-And somewhere to put your bike.

-Brilliant, brilliant.

-Well, thanks for dropping by.

-No, no,

-always time for the great...

-Good.

-..the keeper of the...

Yes, great, have a seat.

Meanwhile, Ian has asked Director of Strategic Governance Simon Harwood

to step into his creative clearing and sit down.

So, yes, just to keep you in the loop really...

Yes, no, brilliant. Sorry, Ian, before you go on,

can I just say, for what it's worth,

-absolutely brilliant out there with the press...

-Oh, well.

No, really beyond brilliant. Truly epic stuff.

-I mean, thank you.

-It felt like a rather significant moment for all of us.

-Well, it was significant for me, obviously.

-Actually made me proud

to be part of the BBC, if that doesn't sound too wanky a thing to say.

-So, yes, so, with the whole logo refresh thing...

-Oh, yes, right.

I mean, obviously it's great to get Perfect Curve's take on this...

-Yeah.

-And thank you for making all that happen, by the way.

But I have to say, from a values point of view, if we're talking about

being confident about who we are, if that's actually the brief here...

-Brilliant.

-Then I think there's something strong

in the idea of staying with a trademark that's been

-part of the BBC from the very beginning...

-Brilliant.

-..gives it its distinctive identity, in a crowded...

-Very good, very strong.

Because in the end, it's the programmes anyway, isn't it?

It's the content that gives value to the brand,

not the brand that gives value to the content.

-Lord ha' Mercy.

-Well, no...

-Honestly, I feel I want to stand up

-and clap.

-Well, no, please don't.

-No, brilliant, listen,

I think what I might do now, if that's OK

-with you, Ian, I'll just run this past Tony...

-Yes, of course, yes.

And for what it's worth, I can tell you now he'll practically...

-I mean, I have mentioned this to Tony, obviously.

-Oh, right!

I think he pretty much got it straightaway.

Brilliant, brilliant. What, you've e-mailed him..?

-What? No. I mean, yes, obviously...

-Brilliant.

But no, we just had a quick coffee earlier,

he's so busy, isn't he? It's ridiculous.

I mean, no, as I say, I think he could see it immediately -

maybe it touched a nerve - but no, if you want to mention it to him

as well, or again, that'd be really great.

-Mm. Goodo.

-Great, so that's all good.

Brilliant, brilliant. Brilliant.

I don't really want them either, Will.

OK, cool, so, like, what shall I do with them?

You haven't been carrying them round all day?

What? Yeah, no, I mean, I don't know.

-Hi, Lucy.

-Hi.

-Yeah, hey.

-You about to go?

-Almost finished, yes. Why?

-I just got an e-mail from Anna.

-Oh, right. What about?

-They've commissioned two more scripts for some reason.

-Ah.

God knows why. I just phoned Dan to tell him.

-Well, that's brilliant.

-Yeah, brilliant.

He was making himself a cup of tea, he refused to believe it.

In the end, I had to forward him the e-mail to prove it.

-So, some good news then.

-It's fantastic.

-Yeah, do you want these?

-What?

-Well, Will...

-Yeah, you can have them, it's cool.

-What?

-We don't know what to do with them.

-Who are they from?

-No, Will.

-They're from him.

-From him?

-Yeah.