Episode 6 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 6

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things

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although nobody involved was seriously hurt

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Mr T is on a special mission. He's been searching far and wide

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assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

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People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

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People who dare to do things differently.

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People who aren't afraid to ask questions like "Can I fit in that?"

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"What's through that door"? and "Do I really need a parachute"?

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He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet -

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he's found the World's Craziest Fools.

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You're late! Where you been?

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I had a whole introduction worked out for you.

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I was gonna tell you about what's coming up on my show today.

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I was gonna say some stuff about crazy fools in general.

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I was gonna be funny and moving, I was gonna make you feel

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all warm inside like a rainbow on a sunny morning,

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or when you drink your coffee too fast, no time for that now.

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Let's get on with the show.

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Normally I got a lot of pity for people on this show.

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They do some stupid stuff but it makes us all laugh

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and there ain't no harm in that.

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But these guys are different, they got no respect for the law

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and I ain't got no respect for them either.

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It's criminal fools.

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Welcome to the USA.

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MUSIC: "Sirens" by Dizzee Rascal

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Look at this fool.

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Having broken a window in a fast food restaurant he realises

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he's too fat to fit through.

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He probably shouldn't have eaten all them pies.

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It's always hard to stop when you eating pies.

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Ohio.

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This lady got caught on camera

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stealing a fur coat from a shopping mall.

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# I can hear the sirens coming

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# Better run when you hear the sirens coming... #

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She stuffed it down her lady pants and hoped no-one would notice.

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But they did.

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Now she got a whole new outfit to wear - it's bright orange

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and it got numbers on it.

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Here comes another loser who likes too much pie.

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This one tries to break in through the roof and gets stuck.

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Looks like all that whipped cream has gone to his hips.

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Don't worry, fat crook, soon you'll be on the prison diet.

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Our next piece of television is from right here in the UK.

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This robber walked into a bank and hands a demand note to the cashier.

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When she presses the alarm he decides to run for it.

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His escape failed, when he tries to push his way out of a pull door.

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Who wants to be free anyway?

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Prison can be fun! They got great activities

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like woodwork and ping pong.

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I'm only joking. Prison is hard, he's gonna hate it.

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Check out this loser.

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MUSIC: "Cash In My Pocket" by Wiley

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He's broken into the pharmacy store by crashing through the roof.

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Now he can't get out.

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CRASH

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Nice going, sucker!

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You can try breaking all the laws you want

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but you ain't never gonna break the laws of gravity.

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This experiment will always end bad.

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Fools feed on foolishness.

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The "fooliness" of fools is folly.

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Fools die for want of wisdom.

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What do you do it you have a fool in your family?

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Pray for them, love them, but keep an eye on them.

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Wow, look at how stupid this guy is.

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He's trying to rob a grocery store with nothing but a stick.

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This could go on for hours.

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Let's stop watching this and watch something else.

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People try all sorts of different ways to rob places.

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Take a listen to this.

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Police in Poland were baffled by a series of robberies in which

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businesses were burgled with no obvious signs of entry.

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They eventually discovered that an inventive thief had been hiding

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inside large parcels and then posting himself to business addresses.

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Once inside, the 39-year-old man would wait until staff had left

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for the night before climbing out and burgling the premises.

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He would then make his get away by re-sealing both himself

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and his loot into another box addressed to his Warsaw home

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and waiting to be delivered to freedom.

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The ingenious scheme came to an end, however, in less-than-genius

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circumstances after he fell out with an accomplice over the loot.

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Instead of mailing him to his next target,

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the accomplice delivered him straight into the hands of the police.

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That just goes to show it doesn't matter how smart you think you are

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if you were really that smart you wouldn't be breaking the law

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in the first place.

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Now listen up, I may act tough,

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but even I know there are some fights you just can't never win.

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If you in a car and you try to take on a train - you gonna lose!

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Here's a driver at a level crossing.

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He's decided to play a little game called Beat The Train.

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Let me tell you something, fool, you got lucky this time.

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Costa Rica.

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Another fool is trying to beat the train, this time at night.

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What a fool.

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There are many different ways to stop your car,

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using your breaks is one.

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Driving into a train is not.

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The break option causes less damage I recommend you use it.

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Now take a look at this fool.

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Don't worry, he's OK, he learned his lesson.

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Remember, people - use your brains, stay away from trains.

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Back in the '80s, I invented something called the gym.

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People go to the gym to build up their muscles.

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Be careful, though, sometimes working out doesn't always work out.

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Here's some rules for gym fools.

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Rule number one -

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always check your equipment before you start to exercise.

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MUSIC: "Rock That Body" by The Black Eyed Peas

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CRASH AND THUD

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Rule number two -

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once you've checked your equipment,

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double check your equipment just to be safe.

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METALLIC CRASHING

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Rule number three -

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never take on a weight you can't handle.

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Rule number four -

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never use a machine you don't understand.

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Rule number five -

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make sure you clear a good, safe area for yourself.

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GLASS SHATTERS

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Mumma! Mumma!

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Rule number six -

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use professional equipment at all times.

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Rule number seven -

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get a haircut.

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Machines and long hair don't mix.

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CLATTERING

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Rule number eight...

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Don't smash yourself in the face.

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I know I look pretty good

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but not everyone with big muscles is a role model. Check out this story.

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A 35-year-old man in Cornwall was charged with fraud

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after claiming over £43,000 in disability benefits.

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The man had applied for the benefits

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after claiming he suffered from sciatica in his spine.

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A condition which left him with intense pain in his back and legs

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making it impossible for him to sit in an office or do manual labour.

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Police started to suspect he was lying, however, when he entered

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and won a Cornwall strongest man contest.

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During the competition, he excelled in a number of events including

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lifting two 50-pound gas canisters, dragging a lorry across a field

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and lifting a half-ton car over his head for more than a minute.

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His claim that he was on very strong pain killers at the time

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left police unimpressed.

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I like the sound of this strongest man competition.

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Where's Cornwall?

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I want to go to Cornwall! Are you listening Cornwall?

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You'd better be listening and you'd better be ready cos I'm coming!

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This next part of the show is all about car mechanics

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spending all day fiddling with nuts and screws,

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it's no wonder they go a little nuts and screwy.

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Take a look a these whack jobs.

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This mechanic has lost his spanner

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and look how far he'll go to find it.

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It's not down there. Keep looking.

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Here's a curious mechanic.

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He wants to answer the question we all think every now and then,

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what happens if I tinker with this little bit over here?

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LAUGHTER

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Remember that little bit always turns out to be an important bit.

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This guy's still looking for his spanner.

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It ain't down there, either.

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Sweet. These mechanics are trying to find out what's wrong with this 4x4.

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CRUNCHING AND CREAKING

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GLASS SHATTERS

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You dropped it on the floor, that's what's wrong with it.

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I'm glad I've seen this, now I know if I break down

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near this garage, I'mma pick up my car and carry it to the next one.

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I'll get it serviced there instead.

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This lady's coming for an oil change.

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MUSIC: "Tick Tock" by Keha

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Why not give yourself a reason to get a paint job

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while you're at it, save you from coming back later(!)

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This guy releases a car from the back of a tow truck

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and it rolls right over him.

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Amazingly, he then gets up and chases after it!

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This car is out of control, but if anyone can catch it, it's this guy.

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Here's a guy fixing a car.

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Fixing is when you make it better.

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This is called destroying.

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Now, how you gonna explain this to the boss?

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Where did I put that spanner?

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Maybe I left it here.

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Maybe not.

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What do you want to be when you grow up? A car mechanic?

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A policeman? An astronaut?

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Whatever your dreams are, you won't achieve them

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unless you pay attention in school. Here's five dumb exam answers.

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Five Dumb Answers Given In GCSE Exams.

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Number one.

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What does the word "monotony" mean?

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Monotony means being married to the same person for all your life.

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Number two.

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Name the four seasons.

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Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar.

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Number three.

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What is momentum?

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What you give a person when they're going away.

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Number four.

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How important are elections to a democratic society?

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Very important.

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Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

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Number five.

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What's a Hindu?

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It lays eggs.

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Those answers may make you smile

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but there's nothing funny about messing up your exams.

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Don't be a fool, work hard and stay in school.

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Also, treat your mother right.

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MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

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Twist it!

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LAUGHTER

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SCREAMING

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Oh! God!

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I got it, I got it!

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I'm good! I'm good.

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LAUGHTER

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-Holy

-BLEEP!

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Do it again! Quick!

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Here we go.

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Ooh!

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Ooh! Oh-ho!

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If you like to drink, sometimes it's hard to know when to stop.

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The correct answer is about 10 drinks before any of these guys.

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Take a look at this.

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When you are drunk, everyday objects like bins and trees

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and lampposts become dangerous enemies.

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This man saw two lampposts and went for the gap in the middle.

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Not a great move.

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Here's a drunk guy at a barbecue.

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He's about to see what happens if you pee on an electric fence.

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Argh!

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You dumb fool! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

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Russia.

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This man is so drunk

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he don't notice he only has one wheel on his bicycle.

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# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing... #

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If they had BBC Three in Russia, this would not have taken place.

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This man would have stayed home and watched Don't Tell The Bride.

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I like that show.

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If you had too much to drink, even the simplest task seems impossible.

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This man is trying to walk home.

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His commitment and effort makes him a model for perseverance.

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# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing... #

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His feet may not be working and the ground may be spinning

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but that doesn't mean he's gonna give up.

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# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing...

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Too bad he lives in the other direction.

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We're filming a drunk guy climbing on a car

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trying to get up on this thing.

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Look at this guy, he's drunk too much.

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Now he wants to climb to the highest point

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so everyone can see the dangers of drinking too much alcohol.

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He's denting the hood of someone's car.

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GLASS SMASHES

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-Oh!

-BLEEP!

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The glass broke!

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'If only his ability matched his determination.'

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CHEERING

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This drunk is wearing yellow socks to alert the world

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to his shameful condition.

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He's also not afraid to throw himself around to draw attention

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to his disgrace.

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# In the morning you know it's going to be all right. #

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Now take a listen to this phone call.

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RINGING

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RINGING

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In case you haven't seen enough drunk people, here's some more.

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MUSIC: "Pass Out" by Tinie Tempah

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# Yeah, yeah

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# We bring the stars out We bring the women and the cars

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# And the cards out Let's have a toast, a celebration

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# Get a glass out And we can do this until we pass out

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# Let it rain

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# Let it pour away Yeah

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# We won't come down

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# Until we hit the ground

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# Yeah, pass out I've been famous

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# I'm sorta known

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# And if your son doesn't I bet your daughter knows

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# Check out my visual Check out my audio

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# Extra ordinary, yo

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# Hope you enjoyed the show

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# Yeah We bring the stars out

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# We bring the women and the cars And the cards out

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# Let's have a toast, a celebration Get a glass out

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# And we can do this Until we pass out

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# Let it rain

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# Let it pour away

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# We won't come down

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# Until we hit the ground

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# And pass out

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# Whoa

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# Whoa-o-o-o-o-o

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# Whoa

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# Whoa-o-o-o-o-o, whoa

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# Look at me I've been a cheeky

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# Man, look at all the drama

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# We started, now I'm in here

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# Laying on my back

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# Saying, DJ won't ya gimme one more track

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# Let it rain

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# Let it pour away

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# We won't come down

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# Until we hit the ground

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# Pass out

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# Let it rain

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# Let it pour away We won't come down

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# Until we hit the ground

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# And pass out... #

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That's the end of the show, I hope you enjoyed it.

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Here's my final thought.

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It's a good one today, it's gonna tell you

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everything you need to know about life.

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I'm gonna communicate to you through the power of my mind.

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See you next time. So long, suckers. Huh!

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# I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# I pity the fool

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# That falls in love with you

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# That falls in love with you

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# And expects you to be true

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# Oh I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# Look at me people

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# I know you wonder what they're doing

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# They're just standing there

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# Watching you make a fool of me... #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

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Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to stupid soldiers, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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