Episode 6 World's Craziest Fools

The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things

although nobody involved was seriously hurt

you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

Mr T is on a special mission. He's been searching far and wide

assembling an army of extraordinary individuals.

People who boldly venture where others fear to tread.

People who dare to do things differently.

People who aren't afraid to ask questions like "Can I fit in that?"

"What's through that door"? and "Do I really need a parachute"?

He's found the stupidest, clumsiest, most dangerous people on the planet -

he's found the World's Craziest Fools.

You're late! Where you been?

I had a whole introduction worked out for you.

I was gonna tell you about what's coming up on my show today.

I was gonna say some stuff about crazy fools in general.

I was gonna be funny and moving, I was gonna make you feel

all warm inside like a rainbow on a sunny morning,

or when you drink your coffee too fast, no time for that now.

Let's get on with the show.

Normally I got a lot of pity for people on this show.

They do some stupid stuff but it makes us all laugh

and there ain't no harm in that.

But these guys are different, they got no respect for the law

and I ain't got no respect for them either.

It's criminal fools.

Welcome to the USA.

MUSIC: "Sirens" by Dizzee Rascal

Look at this fool.

Having broken a window in a fast food restaurant he realises

he's too fat to fit through.

He probably shouldn't have eaten all them pies.

It's always hard to stop when you eating pies.

Ohio.

This lady got caught on camera

stealing a fur coat from a shopping mall.

# I can hear the sirens coming

# Better run when you hear the sirens coming... #

She stuffed it down her lady pants and hoped no-one would notice.

But they did.

Now she got a whole new outfit to wear - it's bright orange

and it got numbers on it.

Here comes another loser who likes too much pie.

This one tries to break in through the roof and gets stuck.

Looks like all that whipped cream has gone to his hips.

Don't worry, fat crook, soon you'll be on the prison diet.

Our next piece of television is from right here in the UK.

This robber walked into a bank and hands a demand note to the cashier.

When she presses the alarm he decides to run for it.

His escape failed, when he tries to push his way out of a pull door.

Who wants to be free anyway?

Prison can be fun! They got great activities

like woodwork and ping pong.

I'm only joking. Prison is hard, he's gonna hate it.

Check out this loser.

MUSIC: "Cash In My Pocket" by Wiley

He's broken into the pharmacy store by crashing through the roof.

Now he can't get out.

CRASH

Nice going, sucker!

You can try breaking all the laws you want

but you ain't never gonna break the laws of gravity.

This experiment will always end bad.

Fools feed on foolishness.

The "fooliness" of fools is folly.

Fools die for want of wisdom.

What do you do it you have a fool in your family?

Pray for them, love them, but keep an eye on them.

Wow, look at how stupid this guy is.

He's trying to rob a grocery store with nothing but a stick.

This could go on for hours.

Let's stop watching this and watch something else.

People try all sorts of different ways to rob places.

Take a listen to this.

Police in Poland were baffled by a series of robberies in which

businesses were burgled with no obvious signs of entry.

They eventually discovered that an inventive thief had been hiding

inside large parcels and then posting himself to business addresses.

Once inside, the 39-year-old man would wait until staff had left

for the night before climbing out and burgling the premises.

He would then make his get away by re-sealing both himself

and his loot into another box addressed to his Warsaw home

and waiting to be delivered to freedom.

The ingenious scheme came to an end, however, in less-than-genius

circumstances after he fell out with an accomplice over the loot.

Instead of mailing him to his next target,

the accomplice delivered him straight into the hands of the police.

That just goes to show it doesn't matter how smart you think you are

if you were really that smart you wouldn't be breaking the law

in the first place.

Now listen up, I may act tough,

but even I know there are some fights you just can't never win.

If you in a car and you try to take on a train - you gonna lose!

Here's a driver at a level crossing.

He's decided to play a little game called Beat The Train.

Let me tell you something, fool, you got lucky this time.

Costa Rica.

Another fool is trying to beat the train, this time at night.

What a fool.

There are many different ways to stop your car,

using your breaks is one.

Driving into a train is not.

The break option causes less damage I recommend you use it.

Now take a look at this fool.

Don't worry, he's OK, he learned his lesson.

Remember, people - use your brains, stay away from trains.

Back in the '80s, I invented something called the gym.

People go to the gym to build up their muscles.

Be careful, though, sometimes working out doesn't always work out.

Here's some rules for gym fools.

Rule number one -

always check your equipment before you start to exercise.

MUSIC: "Rock That Body" by The Black Eyed Peas

CRASH AND THUD

Rule number two -

once you've checked your equipment,

double check your equipment just to be safe.

METALLIC CRASHING

Rule number three -

never take on a weight you can't handle.

Rule number four -

never use a machine you don't understand.

Rule number five -

make sure you clear a good, safe area for yourself.

GLASS SHATTERS

Mumma! Mumma!

Rule number six -

use professional equipment at all times.

Rule number seven -

get a haircut.

Machines and long hair don't mix.

CLATTERING

Rule number eight...

Don't smash yourself in the face.

I know I look pretty good

but not everyone with big muscles is a role model. Check out this story.

A 35-year-old man in Cornwall was charged with fraud

after claiming over £43,000 in disability benefits.

The man had applied for the benefits

after claiming he suffered from sciatica in his spine.

A condition which left him with intense pain in his back and legs

making it impossible for him to sit in an office or do manual labour.

Police started to suspect he was lying, however, when he entered

and won a Cornwall strongest man contest.

During the competition, he excelled in a number of events including

lifting two 50-pound gas canisters, dragging a lorry across a field

and lifting a half-ton car over his head for more than a minute.

His claim that he was on very strong pain killers at the time

left police unimpressed.

I like the sound of this strongest man competition.

Where's Cornwall?

I want to go to Cornwall! Are you listening Cornwall?

You'd better be listening and you'd better be ready cos I'm coming!

This next part of the show is all about car mechanics

spending all day fiddling with nuts and screws,

it's no wonder they go a little nuts and screwy.

Take a look a these whack jobs.

This mechanic has lost his spanner

and look how far he'll go to find it.

It's not down there. Keep looking.

Here's a curious mechanic.

He wants to answer the question we all think every now and then,

what happens if I tinker with this little bit over here?

LAUGHTER

Remember that little bit always turns out to be an important bit.

This guy's still looking for his spanner.

It ain't down there, either.

Sweet. These mechanics are trying to find out what's wrong with this 4x4.

CRUNCHING AND CREAKING

GLASS SHATTERS

You dropped it on the floor, that's what's wrong with it.

I'm glad I've seen this, now I know if I break down

near this garage, I'mma pick up my car and carry it to the next one.

I'll get it serviced there instead.

This lady's coming for an oil change.

MUSIC: "Tick Tock" by Keha

Why not give yourself a reason to get a paint job

while you're at it, save you from coming back later(!)

This guy releases a car from the back of a tow truck

and it rolls right over him.

Amazingly, he then gets up and chases after it!

This car is out of control, but if anyone can catch it, it's this guy.

Here's a guy fixing a car.

Fixing is when you make it better.

This is called destroying.

Now, how you gonna explain this to the boss?

Where did I put that spanner?

Maybe I left it here.

Maybe not.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A car mechanic?

A policeman? An astronaut?

Whatever your dreams are, you won't achieve them

unless you pay attention in school. Here's five dumb exam answers.

Five Dumb Answers Given In GCSE Exams.

Number one.

What does the word "monotony" mean?

Monotony means being married to the same person for all your life.

Number two.

Name the four seasons.

Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar.

Number three.

What is momentum?

What you give a person when they're going away.

Number four.

How important are elections to a democratic society?

Very important.

Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Number five.

What's a Hindu?

It lays eggs.

Those answers may make you smile

but there's nothing funny about messing up your exams.

Don't be a fool, work hard and stay in school.

Also, treat your mother right.

MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

Twist it!

LAUGHTER

SCREAMING

Oh! God!

I got it, I got it!

I'm good! I'm good.

LAUGHTER

-Holy

-BLEEP!

Do it again! Quick!

Here we go.

Ooh!

Ooh! Oh-ho!

If you like to drink, sometimes it's hard to know when to stop.

The correct answer is about 10 drinks before any of these guys.

Take a look at this.

When you are drunk, everyday objects like bins and trees

and lampposts become dangerous enemies.

This man saw two lampposts and went for the gap in the middle.

Not a great move.

Here's a drunk guy at a barbecue.

He's about to see what happens if you pee on an electric fence.

Argh!

You dumb fool! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Russia.

This man is so drunk

he don't notice he only has one wheel on his bicycle.

# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing... #

If they had BBC Three in Russia, this would not have taken place.

This man would have stayed home and watched Don't Tell The Bride.

I like that show.

If you had too much to drink, even the simplest task seems impossible.

This man is trying to walk home.

His commitment and effort makes him a model for perseverance.

# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing... #

His feet may not be working and the ground may be spinning

but that doesn't mean he's gonna give up.

# In the morning you know you won't remember a thing...

Too bad he lives in the other direction.

We're filming a drunk guy climbing on a car

trying to get up on this thing.

Look at this guy, he's drunk too much.

Now he wants to climb to the highest point

so everyone can see the dangers of drinking too much alcohol.

He's denting the hood of someone's car.

GLASS SMASHES

-Oh!

-BLEEP!

The glass broke!

'If only his ability matched his determination.'

CHEERING

This drunk is wearing yellow socks to alert the world

to his shameful condition.

He's also not afraid to throw himself around to draw attention

to his disgrace.

# In the morning you know it's going to be all right. #

Now take a listen to this phone call.

RINGING

RINGING

In case you haven't seen enough drunk people, here's some more.

MUSIC: "Pass Out" by Tinie Tempah

# Yeah, yeah

# We bring the stars out We bring the women and the cars

# And the cards out Let's have a toast, a celebration

# Get a glass out And we can do this until we pass out

# Let it rain

# Let it pour away Yeah

# We won't come down

# Until we hit the ground

# Yeah, pass out I've been famous

# I'm sorta known

# And if your son doesn't I bet your daughter knows

# Check out my visual Check out my audio

# Extra ordinary, yo

# Hope you enjoyed the show

# Yeah We bring the stars out

# We bring the women and the cars And the cards out

# Let's have a toast, a celebration Get a glass out

# And we can do this Until we pass out

# Let it rain

# Let it pour away

# We won't come down

# Until we hit the ground

# And pass out

# Whoa

# Whoa-o-o-o-o-o

# Whoa

# Whoa-o-o-o-o-o, whoa

# Look at me I've been a cheeky

# Man, look at all the drama

# We started, now I'm in here

# Laying on my back

# Saying, DJ won't ya gimme one more track

# Let it rain

# Let it pour away

# We won't come down

# Until we hit the ground

# Pass out

# Let it rain

# Let it pour away We won't come down

# Until we hit the ground

# And pass out... #

That's the end of the show, I hope you enjoyed it.

Here's my final thought.

It's a good one today, it's gonna tell you

everything you need to know about life.

I'm gonna communicate to you through the power of my mind.

See you next time. So long, suckers. Huh!

# I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# I pity the fool

# That falls in love with you

# That falls in love with you

# And expects you to be true

# Oh I pity the fool

# I said I pity the fool

# Look at me people

# I know you wonder what they're doing

# They're just standing there

# Watching you make a fool of me... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]