She Spoke the Unspeakable imagine...


She Spoke the Unspeakable

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello.

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Welcome to Egypt.

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THEY SPEAK IN ARABIC

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Ah... Everything is changed.

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When I was here, no buildings were here.

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It was all trees.

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He reads my articles.

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It's very good,

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Madame Nawal El Saadawi.

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HE SPEAKS ARABIC

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He says that we love her, we love her.

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Nawal El Saadawi, the pioneering Egyptian author and feminist.

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Nawal first moved into this flat in the 1960s.

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"I was covered in dust and pieces of brick as I lay on the floor.

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"It seemed as though we were cornered."

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'She hasn't lived here for over 20 years.'

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Well, you've still got electricity.

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'She fled in the face of fundamentalist death threats.'

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'A decade before that, the police came here to arrest her.'

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We have to put the light...

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-RADIO:

-...was detained in a sweeping operation.

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It is a purge.

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Ah.

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This is where I wrote most of my work.

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On this small desk, you know?

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I sat here for years, 30 years, on this desk.

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"I was six years old,

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"all I remember is a rasping metallic sound

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"and a hand seeking something buried between my thighs."

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This is my bed, my small bed.

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Because all my life I said, "I have my own bed."

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I never share a bed with a husband.

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Never. I must have my own bed.

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I never go and live with the husband.

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The husband comes and lives with me, you know?

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And when I don't need him, I make him go away.

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SHE LAUGHS

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That's the independence, you know?

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Nawal has recently been attacked on Egyptian television.

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Here was a voice from the Islamic world,

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a woman who'd had lots of hands-on experience.

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Her books were banned in Egypt.

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She lived some of her time

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outside of the country.

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So she really did stick her neck out. That had consequences,

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because there's nothing authoritarian regimes hate worse

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than divergent voices.

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I think her life has been one long death threat.

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At a time when nobody else was talking about it,

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she spoke the unspeakable.

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When you were arrested, what happened?

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They rang the bell.

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I looked here.

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People, many men.

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And they said, "We are the police."

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I said, "But you don't have police clothes,"

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and I told him, "What do you want?"

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He said, "We want just to inspect the house."

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I said, "Inspect for what? Am I a criminal?"

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So they left for half an hour.

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They brought a permit to break the door.

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They brought soldiers.

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I looked from the window. I found many police cars.

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Out there?

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Down, yes, waiting, as if they are going to arrest a gang.

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-Right.

-Because they were afraid of me.

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We were about 1,650 prisoners.

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I was the only one who did not open the door.

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I am a bit stubborn.

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It was in London, last summer, that we first met Nawal El Saadawi.

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She's a global legend,

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a doctor-turned-writer who's published over 50 books,

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widely translated.

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Happy birthday...to me?

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-To my brother.

-Ah, to your brother.

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Now 85, at the age of six, she was subjected to FGM,

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female genital mutilation, and has pioneered the fight against it.

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She's still a fighter today.

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I've been writing 72 years.

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APPLAUSE

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Almost all my life.

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And I started writing when I was a child, 13 years.

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And I published just Memoirs of a Child Called Souad,

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and it just came in English, and now I'm recognised, you know?

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People think that if you don't write in English, you don't write.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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You mentioned why you didn't like the term "Middle East".

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-Yeah.

-Tell me something about that.

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I hate the word Middle East, I don't like it.

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Middle to who?

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LAUGHTER

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Because we were named "Middle East" relative to London,

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because we were colonised by the British.

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So they called India "far east" because India far,

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relative to them, far east.

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LAUGHTER

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And we in Egypt, we became the Middle East.

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So when I come to London, I say "I'm coming to the Middle West."

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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When I go to the United States I go, "I am going to the Far West."

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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How did you come to become a doctor, though?

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You studied at the University of Cairo medical school.

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-Medical, yes.

-So you became a doctor in what, 1955?

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Unfortunately I went to the medical college,

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yes, because my father told me,

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"Nawal, Nawal, never - don't be a writer.

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"You will have no career.

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"You will go to prison, in exile, you will die poor.

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"Be a doctor, to be rich."

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So I followed my father's advice.

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I was not convinced,

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and especially in Egypt -

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most of the people who come to the doctor,

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who go to the doctor, they don't have the money to pay.

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Even for the medicine.

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I have to go to the government.

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So I worked with the government, but then they fired me after some time.

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And what did you do then, at that point?

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When they dismissed me I was happy. I was like a bird, flying.

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So I started writing, I started travelling.

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I gained my freedom.

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If there is such a thing as time,

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it is the time that I create by writing.

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I bring back the things I lived in that city of mine.

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It is as though life for me is beginning here and now,

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with the movement of the pen between my fingers,

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the movement of the air in and out of my chest,

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and the movement of the hands around my watch.

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The present moment is the only reality in my life story.

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"It is an infinite moment which stretches from birth to death.

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"My only desire in the whole wide world

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"is to live long enough to complete my novel."

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We arranged to meet Nawal in Cairo.

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This is the area where she lives now.

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After the arrest and then the death threats,

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Nawal left her other flat and came here.

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It's not where you might expect to find a world-famous author,

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the winner of numerous international awards.

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She clearly hasn't made a fortune from her books.

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Or is she simply determined not to join the elite?

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She's been politically active since the 1950s -

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the days of Nasser,

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who overthrew the monarchy and nationalised the Suez Canal.

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She's still very much in the news.

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We were shocked to hear she'd been subject to threats

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just before we arrived.

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Nawal El Saadawi?

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-El Saadawi?

-THEY SPEAK IN ARABIC

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It's 26.

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KNOCK AT THE DOOR

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DOORBELL

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Hello?

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Hello again.

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Hello, how are you? Nice to see you.

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CALL TO PRAYER ECHOES

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Oh, that's the air, we'll be sitting here in the balcony.

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What a view that is of Cairo.

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Oh, that's amazing.

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It's a nice place, yeah.

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Today is Friday, that's why they are preaching to the people.

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Since Sadat, since Sadat.

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So it was quite secular here before Sadat?

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Secular, yes, before Sadat.

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Because Nasser was...

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Nasser was secular, and Egypt was secular.

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And he dismissed the Muslim Brothers because they tried to kill him.

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You know, they tried to kill Nasser.

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-Yes.

-So he put them in prison.

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When Sadat came, he released all of them, gave them a lot of power,

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and gave them a lot of money, everything.

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And that's... We ended by this.

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I'm going to give us some peace.

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Ah, it's paradise.

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When you close, it's paradise.

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I hear you're writing, you're going back to your childhood.

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Yes, yes. Here is my photograph when I was three months.

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No!

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That is amazing.

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I'm looking at you now.

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-Yes, yes.

-I'm seeing this,

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this curious, slightly intimidating child.

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Yes, this little child.

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I was just on my body, on my stomach.

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Wow.

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I could not stand, I could not stand.

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We were in the house of my grandfather, who was rich.

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Big house.

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He was a military man.

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Very, very reactionary.

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Horrible man.

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And my grandmother, the mother of my mother, sitting, veiled,

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very oppressed and sitting and looking at me.

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And all the family there and my mother.

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And she was a bit negligent.

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She threw her socks, her shoes, because she was spoiled, you know,

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like rich people. So this little infant,

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me, crawling, crawling and bringing the shoe of her mother,

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putting the sock in the shoe and bringing the shoe

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so that her mother would never lose her shoe among this many people.

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It was very important, my childhood.

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You cannot imagine.

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I go back to my childhood all the time,

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to be inspired.

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Memory is never complete.

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There are always parts of it that time has amputated.

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Writing is a way of retrieving them,

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of bringing the missing parts back.

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This is my grandmother, the village woman.

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The peasant grandmother. Is that the one...?

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Yes, the mother of my father.

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She was working in the field with her hands, producing her food...

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..and challenging the mayor.

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And she was tall and strong and revolutionary.

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I inherited her, in fact, the mother of my father.

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And the mayor used to insult her and tell her,

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"Why are you revolting?

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"You don't know God, you poor, illiterate woman.

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"You didn't read the Koran."

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So she told him, "Who told you that God is the Koran?

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"Who told you? Who told you that God is a book?

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"God is justice, and we know him by our mind."

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My father listened to his mother.

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So when I was young, he told me, read the Koran...

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..but then think by your mind,

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and believe your mind only.

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-That's my father.

-You were lucky, weren't you?

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I was lucky.

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But you had to go through the ritual of cutting,

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of female genital mutilation.

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-Yes.

-So why was that, when you have this quite sophisticated family?

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Because it was a very deep-rooted habit.

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It had nothing to do with religion.

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It was done to everybody

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automatically, without thinking.

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My father and mother were believers, but they were very open-minded.

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But they inherited this cutting of children.

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Though banned in 2008, FGM is still the norm for young girls in Egypt,

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which has one of the highest rates in the world.

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We've spent one and a half hours in the road now. Not bad, not bad.

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You will see my village.

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What's that? I can't recognise it.

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These buildings are preventing us from seeing the river.

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Now, just a second, let's see

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where to go to the Nile.

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The Nile disappeared.

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The minute I see the trees, I feel I am going back to childhood.

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You see the students, they are veiled.

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'In school, I was very naughty.

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'So all the teachers said, "You are like a devil, you will go to hell.

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'"You will be burned."

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'So I went to my mother, crying, and tell her,

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'"I will be burned, in fire."

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'She said, "What fire?"

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'I told her, "Fire!"

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'She said, "There is no fire."

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'So in fact I was lucky, as you said.'

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Do we go right or left?

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Both right and left is the Nile.

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Ah, look at the Nile.

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Now we can see my Nile. This is my Nile.

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Ah!

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So I used to come here and walk by the Nile and...

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..inspired by the Nile.

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But people were village people.

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Now it's like a city.

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Like a bad city.

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HORN

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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-TRANSLATION:

-How are you doing?

-How are you, lady?

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I'm Doctor Nawal El Saadawi.

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You're welcome. You have lit up Tahla and everywhere round here.

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-Is this your daughter?

-No, it's my son.

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'I loved my peasant grandmother.

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'But I hated her when she said a boy is worth 15 girls, at least.

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'Girls are a blight.

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'With a boy, the family household is kept running.

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'But girls get married and go off, leaving the father's house,'

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and their children carry the name of the men they marry.

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I would stamp on the ground and shriek,

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"I will never marry! Never, never, never, never!"

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My grandmother would laugh until the tears flowed from her eyes.

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"Marriage is your destiny, like all girls.

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"It's God's will, daughter of my son."

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I first encountered Nawal El Saadawi when I was about 13 years old.

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It was the first time I'd seen an Egyptian woman speak so honestly

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about problems that we have in Egypt.

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I felt at that time,

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"Why is this Egyptian woman telling

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"all these western people what's wrong with Egypt?"

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And so, you know, it was an early lesson in -

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this isn't about telling the outside world our secrets and that we have

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to keep all these things, you know, hidden away,

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it was more like you need courageous voices,

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you need people who will break away from all of that and tell the entire

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world, not just the West,

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who will tell the entire world that this is wrong,

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that you can't treat women like this.

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-TRANSLATION:

-Hello, who are you, then?

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I am from El Deeb's family, next to you.

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Oh, El Deeb, my mother's family.

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The village has changed a lot.

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Everything's changed.

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-What's your name?

-Rama Eshraf.

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How old are you?

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-I'm 13.

-Right.

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I used to be just like her, in this village, long ago.

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I used to sit by the Nile thinking, "What should I do with my life?"

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

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I want to be a doctor.

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Like me!

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Yes.

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'I never dreamt of being a doctor.

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'When I was a child, I dreamt to be a dancer.'

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And this is in school.

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The theatre, they chose me to act Isis, the goddess.

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And all the village called me Isis after that.

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I should have done something with music, dancing, singing.

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But my parents, they don't accept that.

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When all that was blocked,

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all my energy went to writing.

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The minute the sun rises, she sees the green plants

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shine under its golden rays as if they are dancing.

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She glimpses Sabry from the window,

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hitting the ground with the pickaxe,

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or watering the plants and moving his hands in the water of the canal,

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or running after pigeons as he moves his arms and legs in the air.

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She fidgets as she sits at her desk to study.

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Her feet and legs do not move. They are fixed under the desk as if they

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were in metal chains.

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Nothing moves in her body.

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Her mind also does not move.

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When Souad sleeps,

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she sometimes dreams that she is flying in the air.

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Her body floats in the universe like a free, unhindered bird.

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That was from the story she wrote at 13.

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Her teacher gave her zero marks for it.

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One of the things that I appreciate the most about her,

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of course it's her feminism, it's her activism,

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but more than anything it is her creative expression,

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it's her artistic expression and how she chooses to use her artistry as

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an instrument for social change.

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She's contagious and she is dangerous

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because she does make you realise you can do anything you want.

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And you should, and that you should disobey,

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you should question,

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you should challenge,

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you should not accept what's been handed to you

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just because the generation before you said,

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"Ah, that's fine, accept it.

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"Accept it. You're a woman, it's OK.

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"You're brown, you're black, you're whatever, accept it.

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"It's just what you people are supposed to do."

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She says, "No, thank you."

0:23:240:23:27

This is me and my brothers and sisters in 1938.

0:23:270:23:33

I was seven.

0:23:330:23:34

They preferred my brother, my brother who was one year older.

0:23:370:23:42

And he failed in school

0:23:420:23:44

and I was the top of school, so I was angry.

0:23:440:23:48

Why he had all these privileges?

0:23:480:23:50

They said, "Because you're a girl and he's a boy and that's it."

0:23:500:23:53

I said, "No, it's not 'that's it.'"

0:23:530:23:55

And then they said, "That's what God said."

0:23:550:23:58

That's why my first letter was to God.

0:23:580:24:01

I told him, "Dear God, you created me a girl

0:24:010:24:06

"and you are supposed to be justice.

0:24:060:24:09

"So why do you prefer my brother?

0:24:090:24:10

"If you are not just, I'm not ready to believe in you."

0:24:120:24:15

She is seven years old and the month of Ramadan starts.

0:24:190:24:23

Fasting seems to her like a new, exquisite game.

0:24:230:24:26

The best thing about it is the times for sleep and waking

0:24:290:24:32

are turned upside down

0:24:320:24:33

so that the night, which is for sleep,

0:24:330:24:36

becomes for waking and eating.

0:24:360:24:38

"Why do people fast, Father?"

0:24:410:24:43

"Because God wants them to feel hungry

0:24:430:24:45

"and know how the poor suffer."

0:24:450:24:47

Souad thanks God because he loves them

0:24:490:24:52

and did not create them poor beggars in the streets,

0:24:520:24:55

like the limping old man

0:24:550:24:57

that she sees on her way to school and is afraid of.

0:24:570:25:00

She imagines that God hates the poor

0:25:020:25:03

because he did not give them anything.

0:25:030:25:06

Then why does he want us to love them,

0:25:060:25:08

and give them from what he has bestowed on us?

0:25:080:25:13

Why does God order that the poor fast

0:25:130:25:15

when they feel hungry for the rest of the months

0:25:150:25:17

and have no food to give away?

0:25:170:25:19

Her father remains silent for a while and then says, "Fasting,

0:25:200:25:24

"my daughter, serves many purposes, and this is God's wisdom."

0:25:240:25:27

She manages to connect us to what the true struggle is.

0:25:310:25:36

The inequality that is rooted in the structures of patriarchy

0:25:370:25:41

and the structures of, in her words, capitalism,

0:25:410:25:45

colonialism and also religious fundamentalism.

0:25:450:25:48

Not just in Egypt, but across borders.

0:25:490:25:52

She's so brave,

0:25:560:25:58

regardless of the fact of this state throwing her into prison,

0:25:580:26:02

that religious leader putting her on a death list,

0:26:020:26:05

all this nation finding her to be obnoxious,

0:26:050:26:09

she has still remained true to herself.

0:26:090:26:11

My mother used to tell me

0:26:150:26:17

about her sisters being beaten by their husbands.

0:26:170:26:20

And she thinks that I am a child, I don't understand.

0:26:220:26:25

But I have a memory.

0:26:260:26:29

I have a memory.

0:26:290:26:30

I sat with the dolls around me and told my sister stories about them.

0:26:390:26:43

When the bridegroom beat the bride to death, she wept bitterly.

0:26:450:26:49

Then we covered the dead body of the bride with a white sheet

0:26:490:26:52

and caught hold of the bridegroom to punish him.

0:26:520:26:55

This was the custom of the village.

0:26:580:27:00

Every husband had to beat his bride on the wedding night

0:27:000:27:03

before he did anything else.

0:27:030:27:05

Nowadays, Nawal invites young people

0:27:110:27:14

to discuss feminism and politics in her flat.

0:27:140:27:17

-TRANSLATION:

-There are no men's rights.

0:27:200:27:22

Do you understand me, Doctor?

0:27:220:27:24

Why women's rights?

0:27:240:27:26

Why do we state only women's rights?

0:27:260:27:28

Why do you place woman in a position of weakness

0:27:300:27:33

and then leap to defend her?

0:27:330:27:35

Who wants to answer?

0:27:350:27:37

He's a bit outnumbered.

0:27:370:27:39

That very day, an Egyptian MP had called for girls applying to college

0:27:410:27:45

to be subjected to virginity tests.

0:27:450:27:48

He's also an ardent advocate of FGM.

0:27:480:27:52

-TRANSLATION:

-He said that we're a nation of impotent men -

0:27:530:27:56

if we stopped cutting women,

0:27:560:27:58

we'd need strong men and we don't have men like that.

0:27:580:28:01

So he's insulting men.

0:28:010:28:02

It's terrible, even worse than virginity tests.

0:28:040:28:07

Don't be offended, but most married women are sexually dissatisfied.

0:28:070:28:12

That's why he demands women be cut, to curb their sexual desires,

0:28:120:28:15

instead of admitting it's the men who have the problem.

0:28:150:28:18

That's why women should be circumcised.

0:28:230:28:26

To accommodate the sexually weak men?

0:28:260:28:28

To accommodate the weakness, the sexual weakness of men.

0:28:280:28:31

Ever since 1968, when Nawal wrote Woman And Sex,

0:28:330:28:37

which was banned in Egypt, she's been raising questions about FGM,

0:28:370:28:41

desire and virginity.

0:28:410:28:43

Arab society still considers that the fine membrane

0:28:460:28:49

which covers the aperture of the external genital organs

0:28:490:28:53

is the most cherished and most important part of a girl's body,

0:28:530:28:57

and is much more valuable than her eyes or an arm or a lower limb.

0:28:570:29:02

An Arab family does not grieve as much at the loss of a girl's eye

0:29:020:29:06

as it does if she happens to lose her virginity.

0:29:060:29:08

In fact, if the girl lost her life,

0:29:080:29:11

it would be considered less of a catastrophe

0:29:110:29:13

than if she lost her hymen.

0:29:130:29:15

My mother was a prisoner of motherhood...

0:29:180:29:21

..because she was very ambitious.

0:29:240:29:27

She wanted to be like Madame Curie,

0:29:270:29:30

to ride horses, to travel, to invent.

0:29:300:29:33

But all her dreams were aborted.

0:29:330:29:35

That's why she encouraged me.

0:29:350:29:37

She told me, "One day, Nawal, maybe Nawal,

0:29:370:29:40

"you will realise my aborted dreams.

0:29:400:29:43

"Maybe."

0:29:430:29:45

Sometimes my mother used to weaken under pressure

0:29:490:29:51

and then in addition to struggling with my father and grandmother,

0:29:510:29:55

and all my aunts and uncles, I had to struggle against her.

0:29:550:29:58

There was hatred in their eyes when I stood up to them.

0:29:590:30:03

All except my mother - her eyes would shine with pride.

0:30:030:30:07

If it were not for her, I would never have continued my education

0:30:070:30:10

and become a medical student.

0:30:100:30:12

"The Faculty of Medicine?"

0:30:160:30:18

"Yes, medicine."

0:30:180:30:20

The word had a terrifying effect on me.

0:30:200:30:23

It reminded me of penetrating eyes

0:30:230:30:25

moving at an amazing speed behind shiny, steel-rimmed spectacles,

0:30:250:30:31

and strong, pointed fingers holding a dreadful, long, sharp needle.

0:30:310:30:36

And this is in the dissecting room of the medical college.

0:30:390:30:43

And on the table, we have the head and neck of a dead person...

0:30:440:30:48

..and we are dissecting the brain.

0:30:500:30:53

And that's you in the middle of the picture?

0:30:530:30:55

I am the one, yes, who is dissecting.

0:30:550:30:57

The other girls are timid.

0:30:570:30:59

You know, sitting like little kids,

0:30:590:31:01

and then the one who is dissecting, you know?

0:31:010:31:04

Fearless.

0:31:040:31:05

Medicine inspired respect, even veneration,

0:31:140:31:17

in my mother and brother and father.

0:31:170:31:19

I would become a doctor, then,

0:31:200:31:23

wear shiny steel-rimmed spectacles,

0:31:230:31:27

make my eyes move at an amazing speed behind them,

0:31:270:31:30

and make my fingers strong and pointed

0:31:300:31:33

to hold the dreadful, long, sharp needle.

0:31:330:31:35

I'd make my mother tremble with fright and look at me reverently.

0:31:370:31:41

I'd make my brother terrified and my father beg me for help.

0:31:420:31:46

Nawal, who'd managed to escape being married off as a child,

0:31:530:31:57

now chose to marry a fellow medical student.

0:31:570:32:01

He, too, was an active anti-colonialist.

0:32:010:32:04

At that time, during the '50s,

0:32:050:32:08

young people were encouraged by the government

0:32:080:32:11

to go to the canal to fight the British.

0:32:110:32:13

I wanted to go, but they didn't accept women.

0:32:150:32:18

But he went.

0:32:180:32:19

They were betrayed by the government,

0:32:210:32:24

who left young people to be killed by the British...

0:32:240:32:27

..so he came back broken.

0:32:290:32:31

I trembled whenever I heard him whisper in the night,

0:32:360:32:39

"When I believed in God, in country and in love,

0:32:390:32:43

"I was living three illusions, Nawal!"

0:32:430:32:46

He used to stay awake all night, inject himself with drugs,

0:32:460:32:50

then write one sentence -

0:32:500:32:52

"God, country, love, all three just illusions" -

0:32:520:32:56

cross it out and write it again.

0:32:560:32:59

The marriage couldn't last.

0:33:030:33:06

Nawal went back to her village

0:33:060:33:08

to work in one of the health units

0:33:080:33:10

that the new government, led by Nasser,

0:33:100:33:12

was building around the country.

0:33:120:33:14

Slowly, I can't find the unit.

0:33:150:33:18

Just a minute.

0:33:180:33:19

It looks like the unit.

0:33:220:33:23

-TRANSLATION:

-No, it's not the health unit.

0:33:250:33:26

Let me see, I'll come down.

0:33:260:33:28

Be careful.

0:33:300:33:31

-TRANSLATION:

-We are looking for the health unit where I used to work.

0:33:340:33:37

It's further down.

0:33:370:33:38

Can you lead us to it?

0:33:400:33:42

-Yes.

-You lead and we'll follow.

0:33:420:33:43

-Well done.

-I conquered. I conquered everything except age.

0:33:480:33:54

Ah, this is it.

0:33:550:33:57

This is the hospital.

0:33:570:33:59

SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

0:34:000:34:06

I used to sleep in a house here.

0:34:060:34:08

The house of the doctor.

0:34:100:34:12

It was all surrounded by green, green fields.

0:34:140:34:18

Now I cannot recognise it.

0:34:180:34:19

THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

0:34:230:34:28

Here is the health unit.

0:34:280:34:30

I used to come here and to examine the patients.

0:34:300:34:33

And they used to stand here in queues.

0:34:330:34:36

Men and women. At the beginning men said, "No, never!

0:34:360:34:39

"We'll never have a woman to examine us."

0:34:390:34:42

And then the queue of men became longer than the queue of women.

0:34:420:34:46

All society's tragedies came into my surgery.

0:34:480:34:51

All the results of deception and deceit lay before me to be examined.

0:34:540:34:58

Upstairs it was the in-patients.

0:35:020:35:05

I used to make operations up there.

0:35:050:35:07

The bitter truths which people constantly deny were stretched out

0:35:090:35:13

on the operating table under my probing, cutting hands.

0:35:130:35:17

This is where I worked, 60 years ago,

0:35:170:35:21

in 1956.

0:35:210:35:23

How many of the stories in your books

0:35:260:35:28

came from the women you treated?

0:35:280:35:30

Oh, many.

0:35:300:35:32

Many of the patients who came here, men and women,

0:35:330:35:37

they were mentioned in my work.

0:35:370:35:40

Did the patients who come here... Would FGM be done here as well?

0:35:400:35:43

I never did it in my life.

0:35:430:35:46

Never, to boys or girls.

0:35:460:35:48

Since I was a student, in the medical college, I was against it.

0:35:480:35:54

The minute I saw children being cut, in front of my eyes,

0:35:540:35:58

I decided I'd never do it. I never did.

0:35:580:36:01

I was six years old, that night,

0:36:060:36:08

when I lay in bed, warm and peaceful.

0:36:080:36:10

I felt something move under the blankets,

0:36:130:36:16

something like a huge hand,

0:36:160:36:18

cold and rough, fumbling over my body,

0:36:180:36:21

as though looking for something.

0:36:210:36:24

Almost simultaneously, another hand was clamped over my mouth,

0:36:240:36:28

to prevent me from screaming.

0:36:280:36:31

They carried me to the bathroom.

0:36:310:36:33

All I remember is that I was frightened

0:36:330:36:36

and that there were many of them.

0:36:360:36:38

I screamed with pain, despite the tight hand held over my mouth...

0:36:430:36:48

..for the pain was not just a pain,

0:36:510:36:53

it was like searing flame that went through my whole body.

0:36:530:36:58

I didn't know what they had cut off from my body.

0:36:580:37:00

I did not try to find out.

0:37:030:37:06

I just wept and called out for my mother for help.

0:37:060:37:09

But the worst shock of all was when I looked around and found,

0:37:110:37:14

standing by my side.

0:37:140:37:16

Yes, it was her,

0:37:170:37:19

I could not be mistaken.

0:37:190:37:22

In the flesh and blood,

0:37:220:37:24

right in the midst of these strangers,

0:37:240:37:26

talking to them and smiling at them,

0:37:260:37:29

as though they had not participated in slaughtering...her daughter

0:37:290:37:35

just a few moments ago.

0:37:350:37:37

Oh, my God. See, even reading it after all these years, is just...

0:37:420:37:46

Wow.

0:37:490:37:50

I remember I read that page

0:37:570:37:59

and I couldn't read the rest of the book for a couple of weeks.

0:37:590:38:03

I remember thinking,

0:38:030:38:05

"But this is what's happened to myself and millions of...

0:38:050:38:08

"hundreds of millions of other girls," you know?

0:38:080:38:11

And I think it was that moment I realised,

0:38:110:38:14

if we are going to be tackling FGM, especially in the UK,

0:38:140:38:18

because the UK was having a very political correctness conversation

0:38:180:38:22

around this subject, I said, "What we're not doing here -

0:38:220:38:25

"we're not naming it for what it is.

0:38:250:38:26

"And we're not describing what this practice actually is."

0:38:260:38:29

So I remember coming round in the middle of these campaigning groups,

0:38:290:38:33

saying, "Actually, one thing we're not doing -

0:38:330:38:36

"we're not calling this child abuse.

0:38:360:38:37

"Because I notice from your documents,

0:38:370:38:40

"you keep referring to this as a cultural practice,

0:38:400:38:42

"as a religious practice."

0:38:420:38:43

And you know, a lot of the campaigners themselves were quite

0:38:430:38:46

horrified at my response to me, and they were saying,

0:38:460:38:49

"Ah, Layla, you can't say this.

0:38:490:38:50

"You're going to upset people. You're going to offend people."

0:38:500:38:53

And I thought if Nawal, you know,

0:38:530:38:56

felt this was the right thing to do back then, I'm sorry,

0:38:560:38:59

we have no excuse. Nothing's changing.

0:38:590:39:02

Why did you finally leave the village and the clinic?

0:39:070:39:10

I used to go to the houses of the patients,

0:39:100:39:14

and I used to go with my paramedical group

0:39:140:39:18

to do health education.

0:39:180:39:20

So the local government stopped me.

0:39:200:39:22

They said, "You shouldn't educate people."

0:39:220:39:25

I tell them, "I should health educate them."

0:39:270:39:30

I wanted to change their mind and they didn't allow me.

0:39:300:39:33

-Why not?

-They told me,

0:39:330:39:35

"Your work is to examine the patients and do operations.

0:39:350:39:38

"That's it. Why should you go to the homes of people?

0:39:380:39:41

"You are creating revolution."

0:39:410:39:42

I started the Health Education Association and then they closed it.

0:39:470:39:52

And I edited Health magazine, and then they closed it.

0:39:520:39:55

That's why I don't believe in government.

0:39:560:39:59

They are against the people.

0:39:590:40:01

For Nawal, there's always a push and pull

0:40:050:40:08

between the political campaigner and the quiet creator.

0:40:080:40:12

This novel is tormenting me.

0:40:140:40:16

I've freed myself completely to write it,

0:40:160:40:19

letting everything else go for its sake.

0:40:190:40:21

It's intractable, like unattainable love.

0:40:240:40:27

It wants me, my entire being, mind and body,

0:40:290:40:32

and if it can't have that,

0:40:320:40:33

it will not give itself to me at all.

0:40:330:40:35

It wants all or nothing.

0:40:380:40:40

It's exactly like me.

0:40:400:40:42

To the extent that I give to it, it gives to me.

0:40:420:40:45

It wants no competition for my heart and mind.

0:40:490:40:53

Not that of a husband, not a son or daughter,

0:40:530:40:56

nor preoccupation with work of any sort.

0:40:560:41:00

Not even on behalf of the women's cause.

0:41:000:41:03

Your second marriage lasted only three months.

0:41:090:41:11

I married him just for marriage,

0:41:110:41:14

because people were pushing me.

0:41:140:41:16

Pushing. Society has a lot of power.

0:41:160:41:19

I was very attractive and was a successful doctor and writer.

0:41:190:41:24

So this man came to marry me.

0:41:250:41:28

He was a judge, he was kind.

0:41:280:41:32

He told me, "You will be free to write,"

0:41:320:41:35

he made everything, made promises.

0:41:350:41:38

After I married him he changed and what he hated is my writing.

0:41:380:41:43

The title of one of my stories was My Husband, I Do Not Love You.

0:41:430:41:48

-Did he read it?

-He read it and all his colleagues,

0:41:490:41:53

all his colleagues read the story.

0:41:530:41:55

Right!

0:41:550:41:57

So he came to me, and said, "Nawal,

0:41:570:41:59

"you have to choose me or your writing."

0:41:590:42:02

I told him, "My writing."

0:42:020:42:05

Straightforward.

0:42:050:42:06

But after that he didn't want to divorce me, you know?

0:42:070:42:11

He wanted revenge.

0:42:110:42:12

I told him, "You give me the divorce, now.

0:42:130:42:17

"Go and bring the paper or you will be killed, with my weapon."

0:42:170:42:21

And I brought the weapon from my bag, my medical...

0:42:220:42:26

I was a surgeon at that time, a chest surgeon.

0:42:260:42:29

So I told him, "I open the chest of people so I can open your chest."

0:42:290:42:34

And he was trembling!

0:42:340:42:36

I'm not surprised he was trembling!

0:42:360:42:38

Because I was serious.

0:42:380:42:40

So he lost - he lost because he was afraid.

0:42:400:42:44

But if he was brave enough and stood and said, "Kill me,"

0:42:440:42:47

I will never do it, you know?

0:42:470:42:50

So, it's a matter of power.

0:42:500:42:52

When, later, she visited the women's prison,

0:42:570:42:59

while researching women's mental health,

0:42:590:43:02

Nawal met a woman who really had killed a man.

0:43:020:43:05

She was the inspiration for Nawal's best-known and most powerful novel.

0:43:060:43:10

Every single man I got to know filled me with but one desire -

0:43:130:43:18

to lift my hand and bring it smashing down on his face.

0:43:180:43:22

She was a remarkable woman.

0:43:250:43:26

I never forget her eyes.

0:43:280:43:30

The killer, you know?

0:43:310:43:33

She was a prostitute who had killed her pimp.

0:43:330:43:36

Yes - but she is not a prostitute and is not a killer.

0:43:360:43:41

-Right.

-To my mind.

-Yeah.

0:43:410:43:44

Because I could have been like her, if I lived her life.

0:43:440:43:48

I could have killed the pimp, exactly like her.

0:43:490:43:52

I was about to kill my husband.

0:43:520:43:54

She killed the pimp to save her life.

0:43:550:43:58

She was a very...

0:43:590:44:00

A woman who kept her word, very straight, very honest.

0:44:000:44:05

She never told lies.

0:44:050:44:07

But she was forced to be a prostitute.

0:44:070:44:11

The woman had been abused by her uncle

0:44:150:44:17

and married off to a violent old man.

0:44:170:44:19

At first, prostitution was a liberation.

0:44:190:44:22

I knew that my profession had been invented by men

0:44:250:44:28

and that men were in control of both our worlds -

0:44:280:44:31

the one on earth and the one in heaven.

0:44:310:44:33

That men force women to sell their bodies at a price,

0:44:360:44:39

and that the lowest paid body is that of a wife.

0:44:390:44:42

All women are prostitutes of one kind or another.

0:44:420:44:45

Because I was intelligent,

0:44:470:44:49

I preferred to be a free prostitute rather than an enslaved wife.

0:44:490:44:53

But this, too, ended in violence.

0:44:550:44:58

The doctor of the prison brought her a paper and pen and told her,

0:45:000:45:04

"Write to the head of the state to forgive you."

0:45:040:45:08

But she never wrote.

0:45:100:45:12

She said, "Never. I write the president?

0:45:120:45:15

"No!

0:45:150:45:17

"I don't want to live any more."

0:45:180:45:21

Suddenly the door was thrown open, revealing several armed policemen.

0:45:230:45:28

They surrounded her in a circle

0:45:280:45:30

and I heard one of them say, "Let's go, your time has come."

0:45:300:45:34

I saw her walk out with them.

0:45:340:45:37

I never saw her again.

0:45:370:45:38

But her voice continued to echo in my ears, vibrating in my head,

0:45:380:45:43

in the cell, in the prison, in the streets,

0:45:430:45:47

spreading fear wherever it went.

0:45:470:45:50

The fear of the truth which kills, the power of truth,

0:45:500:45:54

as awesome as death

0:45:540:45:56

yet as simple and as gentle as the child

0:45:560:45:59

that has not yet learned to lie.

0:45:590:46:02

And because the world was full of lies, she had to pay the price.

0:46:020:46:06

I got into my little car, my eyes on the ground.

0:46:080:46:11

Inside of me was a feeling of shame.

0:46:110:46:14

I felt ashamed of myself, of my life, of my fears and my lies,

0:46:140:46:20

and at that moment I realised that she had more courage than I.

0:46:200:46:26

And still, today, there are cases which are not dissimilar.

0:46:310:46:35

Things change very slowly,

0:46:350:46:38

and especially cultural attitudes change very slowly,

0:46:380:46:43

so that shouldn't really surprise us.

0:46:430:46:47

What probably should surprise us is that the book was written at all.

0:46:470:46:52

Nawal went on to marry for a third time.

0:46:550:46:59

This time it lasted for 40 years.

0:46:590:47:02

When they met, her husband had been imprisoned for 15 years.

0:47:020:47:05

He, too, was a writer and activist.

0:47:070:47:09

When Israel invaded Egypt in 1967,

0:47:130:47:17

Nawal volunteered to go to the front with a group of doctors.

0:47:170:47:20

I heard a sharp, long, drawn-out piercing noise,

0:47:230:47:26

followed by an explosion.

0:47:260:47:27

Then the explosions seemed to multiply.

0:47:270:47:30

The wall of the hospital crumbled and flames shot up.

0:47:300:47:33

I could hear my mother's voice saying,

0:47:350:47:37

"Throw Nawal into the fire and she will come back unhurt."

0:47:370:47:40

It seemed to me as though

0:47:420:47:44

I was the only person in the shelter still alive

0:47:440:47:46

and that it was my turn to die next.

0:47:460:47:49

The Israelis had in fact overrun the whole of Sinai

0:47:490:47:52

and reached the Suez Canal in five days.

0:47:520:47:54

It seemed as though we were cornered,

0:47:580:48:01

that they would not stop until they had finished us off.

0:48:010:48:03

I was covered in dust and pieces of brick as I lay on the floor.

0:48:040:48:09

There was a table with a TV on it which continued to broadcast.

0:48:090:48:12

I could glimpse a woman belly dancing,

0:48:140:48:15

or a man singing soulful love songs.

0:48:150:48:18

It was like a dream, or a nightmare.

0:48:180:48:20

Nasser's successor, Sadat, took over the country in 1970.

0:48:280:48:33

He made peace with Israel.

0:48:330:48:35

Nawal and Sadat were always at loggerheads.

0:48:350:48:39

She came to his notice when she was Secretary General

0:48:390:48:41

of the Medical Association.

0:48:410:48:44

He hated me.

0:48:440:48:46

He made a meeting with us and with the intellectuals in Egypt...

0:48:460:48:51

..and Sadat came almost three hours late,

0:48:520:48:56

and he started to give us a lesson about 'time is so precious.'

0:48:560:49:01

Can you imagine? So I stood up, I said, "I want to speak."

0:49:010:49:06

My boss, he said, "Nawal, shut up! Nawal, shut up!"

0:49:060:49:09

Then I said to Sadat, "You came late, you didn't apologise.

0:49:090:49:14

"And then you tell us how time is so precious?"

0:49:140:49:17

You had the nerve to say that?

0:49:170:49:18

I had the courage...because I was angry.

0:49:180:49:22

He hated me for that.

0:49:220:49:23

-ARCHIVE:

-The president's formidable security force moved in

0:49:250:49:28

to detain religious leaders.

0:49:280:49:30

Opposition newspapers were closed down

0:49:300:49:32

and journalists and politicians detained in a sweeping operation.

0:49:320:49:36

It is a purge.

0:49:360:49:38

The police put the people who were politically active,

0:49:380:49:42

and my name was not there.

0:49:420:49:43

So when they took the list to Sadat,

0:49:430:49:46

he said, "Where is Nawal El Saadawi?

0:49:460:49:49

"Give me a pen." He added my name with his writing!

0:49:490:49:52

When you are really in danger, you don't feel it,

0:49:550:49:59

because you become part of danger.

0:49:590:50:00

So you are part of the fear.

0:50:010:50:03

But after that you become frightened!

0:50:050:50:09

You know?

0:50:090:50:10

"Where did the officer go?" I asked the guard.

0:50:130:50:16

"Don't you know what's going to happen next?"

0:50:160:50:18

The man replied, "These things all happen by God's hand.

0:50:190:50:23

"You no longer have control over your situation,

0:50:230:50:26

"someone else does.

0:50:260:50:27

"There is no point thinking,

0:50:290:50:30

"there are people who are doing your thinking for you."

0:50:300:50:33

The key turned in the door three times,

0:50:340:50:37

and the silence, like a single continuous scream, invaded my ear.

0:50:370:50:41

Had I fallen to the bottom of a well?

0:50:430:50:44

So you were sharing a prison cell with 20 other women?

0:50:480:50:51

Ah, yes. Islamic fundamentalists and Marxists, and myself,

0:50:510:50:55

the independent writer!

0:50:550:50:57

So there really was this split

0:50:590:51:00

-between fundamentalists and Marxists?

-Yes, yes.

0:51:000:51:04

Did you have discussions?

0:51:040:51:06

Of course, we had debates all the time.

0:51:060:51:09

I spent three months, only -

0:51:090:51:10

three months, but it's like 30 years.

0:51:100:51:13

The richness, I advise you to go to prison!

0:51:150:51:19

Really, I advise you.

0:51:210:51:23

It's a world of difference.

0:51:230:51:25

And it's so deep.

0:51:260:51:28

You see the other face of the coin.

0:51:290:51:32

You see the other face of life.

0:51:340:51:36

The other face of death, of the whole world.

0:51:360:51:38

I wrote one of my best books in prison, on toilet paper.

0:51:400:51:45

-You wrote it on toilet paper?

-On toilet paper -

0:51:450:51:47

with the eyebrow pencil of a prostitute.

0:51:470:51:51

Prostitutes were allowed toilet paper, we were not allowed -

0:51:510:51:56

the political prisoners -

0:51:560:51:57

because they were afraid we would write on it.

0:51:570:51:59

Yes.

0:51:590:52:01

The jailer comes every day to me and tells me, "If I find paper and pen,

0:52:010:52:05

"it's more dangerous than if I find a gun."

0:52:050:52:09

Suddenly the warden called out, "Have you heard the news?"

0:52:130:52:16

"What news?" "Sadat - they've shot him."

0:52:160:52:19

Everyone breathes the question in unison - "And he died?"

0:52:220:52:26

"I don't know."

0:52:260:52:28

"If he's alive," someone shrieked, "we'll all be butchered.

0:52:290:52:34

"He'll take his revenge on us."

0:52:340:52:36

Sadat had been killed by fundamentalists in his own army.

0:52:410:52:45

And if Sadat had not been killed,

0:52:470:52:49

you could have spent your life in jail,

0:52:490:52:52

-you could have been just killed.

-Until today.

0:52:520:52:54

We could have stayed until today.

0:52:540:52:56

Mubarak was beside Sadat when he was shot,

0:52:590:53:02

and then became president himself for nearly 30 years.

0:53:020:53:07

I ran against Mubarak in 2005, but the police stopped me.

0:53:070:53:13

-They wouldn't let you run against Mubarak?

-No.

0:53:130:53:16

Mubarak wanted to use us as candidates to say to the world,

0:53:160:53:20

"We have democracy."

0:53:200:53:22

I wanted to believe him.

0:53:220:53:24

Of course I didn't believe him, but I said, "OK, let me test it."

0:53:240:53:29

I entered just to say a woman can do it.

0:53:290:53:33

A woman can do it.

0:53:330:53:35

I just made a point.

0:53:350:53:37

In 2011, revolution broke out on Cairo's Tahrir Square.

0:53:430:53:48

It brought down Mubarak.

0:53:480:53:50

Nawal links the consciousness of her generation to a younger one.

0:53:530:53:58

For many of them she is a beacon.

0:53:580:54:00

Six years on, despite disappointments,

0:54:010:54:05

young people she met on the square are keeping the fire smouldering.

0:54:050:54:09

They have started a forum, a monthly public meeting,

0:54:100:54:14

to discuss ideas which Nawal pioneered.

0:54:140:54:17

Just two weeks before this meeting,

0:54:180:54:21

a writer was killed by Islamic fundamentalists in Jordan.

0:54:210:54:24

Accused of blasphemy, he was shot on the steps of the court.

0:54:250:54:30

SHE SPEAKS IN ARABIC

0:54:350:54:37

-TRANSLATION:

-When I'm warned that I'm threatened with death,

0:54:370:54:40

I say that's normal.

0:54:400:54:43

It's good that I wasn't killed a long time ago.

0:54:430:54:45

It's normal.

0:54:460:54:48

Because when you challenge society's values like this,

0:54:490:54:51

you constitute a danger.

0:54:510:54:53

But what if no-one did anything?

0:54:530:54:56

We must all have this courage.

0:54:560:54:57

At these meetings, members of the audience come up to give testimony.

0:55:000:55:04

-TRANSLATION:

-I went through a lot.

0:55:050:55:08

Family violence.

0:55:090:55:11

And I felt I was not a human being with the right to say yes or no.

0:55:110:55:14

I've read many of your works.

0:55:170:55:19

They empowered me in many ways.

0:55:190:55:21

Problems arose when my daughter turned 15,

0:55:230:55:27

and was forced to wear the hijab.

0:55:270:55:29

She told me that she feels she's 30.

0:55:300:55:33

I said, "Take it off and don't tell your father."

0:55:340:55:37

And I refused to wear the hijab, too.

0:55:380:55:41

My mum told me to put it on again.

0:55:410:55:43

I said, I made the scarves I used to wear into a blouse.

0:55:470:55:51

APPLAUSE

0:55:510:55:53

'I wrote from my own research,

0:55:580:56:01

'and my rebelliousness and anger at a society that cut me.

0:56:010:56:06

'Through my anger I wanted to say something to society,

0:56:090:56:13

'so that girls in the future get some protection

0:56:130:56:17

'from this symbolic as well as real killing and rape.

0:56:170:56:21

'All my writing stemmed from my childhood.

0:56:220:56:25

'From the shocks I suffered during childhood.

0:56:250:56:29

'Awareness comes from shock.'

0:56:290:56:30

For the girls, and boys, of the future,

0:56:460:56:48

Nawal has helped build a library in her village.

0:56:480:56:51

-TRANSLATION:

-This is the library I spent five years building.

0:56:520:56:56

This was my dream. Come.

0:56:580:57:00

-TRANSLATION:

-I was once in your place in this village

0:57:030:57:06

and used to dream of having a library in town,

0:57:060:57:09

so that boys and girls like you would come to read.

0:57:090:57:12

Now, that dream's come true.

0:57:130:57:15

That's why reading is important -

0:57:170:57:19

it forms the mind.

0:57:190:57:21

Well done. And I hope when you grow up you'll remember me.

0:57:230:57:27

Thank you. Let's go home.

0:57:270:57:29

Let's see the garden.

0:57:300:57:32

It's nice.

0:57:360:57:38

It's very beautiful.

0:57:460:57:48

SHE SPEAKS IN ARABIC

0:57:510:57:53

Time is precious, you should go to have lunch and study.

0:57:560:57:59

Who's leaving first?

0:57:590:58:01

THEY CHEER

0:58:010:58:03

Off you go, run!

0:58:030:58:04

Are you very disciplined about how you write,

0:58:220:58:24

-or do you just write when you feel you want to write?

-When I feel.

0:58:240:58:28

But I feel I want to write every day!

0:58:280:58:30

I write almost every day -

0:58:330:58:35

and sometimes the whole day.

0:58:350:58:37

Even when I am talking to you, I'm writing -

0:58:390:58:42

because I'm remembering, remembering, remembering.

0:58:420:58:46

So it's full-time, writing is a full-time job.

0:58:470:58:51

HE SINGS IN ARABIC

0:58:540:58:56

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