Conmen Barney's Barrier Reef

Australia, home of the possum, cool surfer dudes, strange lingo...

No worries, mate, fair dinkum.

..lots of sunshine and the bonzer Barrier Reef.

It's the biggest, most spectacular coral reef in the world,

and what's more, every creature is linked to another.

Just imagine one huge family tree dating back 18 million years.

From the minuscule to the mammoth to the miraculous,

they're all connected in Barney's Barrier Reef.

Roll up, roll up, roll up! Get your special island coconuts,

special coconuts right here.

One for ten, two for 25, don't be disappointed,

miss these and you miss out!

Oh, what's so special about these?

-Oh, these are island coconuts.

-And?

And there's only six of these in existence - at the moment -

and you won't find any of these anywhere else -

for about ten metres.

Well, they just look like normal coconuts to me.

Oh, well, that's where you're wrong, miss.

You see, these are specially designed.

Well, a coconut is a coconut, and...that one's empty.

-Ah, yes, but...

-Barney, you'd make a rubbish conman.

Ah, how did you know it was me?

Luckily, the shady creatures of the underwater world

are much smarter conmen, and better masters at disguise.

I tell you what, you can have it...for 20.

Time to take a look at the tricks of the trade

of the real Barrier Reef conmen.

So for our first creature conman,

erm, I think we've encountered a breathing rock.

Yeah, that may or may not be an eye.

And those may or may not be...teeth.

-You were right the first time.

-And so were you.

We're looking at a stonefish, a master of disguise,

a true monster of the deep.

And he is ugly!

He's a right fidget, he can't get comfortable.

And he really needs to be comfortable,

because he may be there for a while.

He's a true professional undercover conman, this one.

-FISH ON RIGHT:

-Nice day for it, eh?

-Er, Sid?

-STONEFISH BURPS

Meet one of the ocean's most convincing tricksters.

He has all the tools to disguise himself

and stake out any passing prey.

Hey!

He has thick skin covered in slimy algae to resemble a stone,

eyes that can constantly look all around him, his very own binoculars.

Upturned mouth facing the surface, all the better to gulp you with.

Add that all up, and you get an easy meal for this geezer.

You wouldn't want to meet one of these conmen in a dark alley.

They're so well disguised.

There are no warning signs,

and you can be history in about 15 milliseconds.

-FISH:

-Huh?

Their skin just keeps growing and growing and growing

to become really thick-skinned.

Hey, stupid, stinky stonefish, you are ugly and your breath stinks.

Waaaah!

-Hey, that's a bit mean.

-I'm just seeing how thick-skinned he is.

Oh, not that kind of thick-skinned.

The stonefish is the ultimate master of disguise,

blending into the background and lying in wait

for poor innocent fish.

Here's our next trickster.

Why are we looking at two leaves, Gem?

-We're not.

-One leaf, two leaf - yes, we are.

No, one of them is faking it.

Is that fish feeling OK? Come on, mate, swim properly,

you're rubbish.

Hey!

Don't insult our fish. Even if they are conmen, it's all part of his act.

He doesn't just look like a leaf, he behaves like one, too.

Oh, wow, that sounds like so much fun - not!

It's not about fun.

This is a baby batfish, and pretending to be a leaf

is a cunning way of escaping from the jaws of potential predators.

Oh, well, he deserves an Oscar, then.

Oh, that's an extremely convincing performance!

Oh, very moving, sweetie!

But couldn't he choose something more exciting to impersonate?

Not if he wants to survive.

No fish is going to want to nibble on a dry old leaf,

so he gets left alone until he grows up and heads for the big reef.

And when he's an adult, he swims like a proper fish,

and when he's grown up, there's nothing leafy about him at all,

he happily munches on jellyfish.

So the stonefish pretends to be a dreary old stone

and the batfish a limp, lifeless leaf.

Yep, so they're connected because they're both fakers.

Hello, long stripy snake,

you've got the whole ocean to yourself there by the looks of it.

-SNAKE:

-Yeah!

Oh, and here's another one.

He's not a snake, Gem, he's a snake eel.

Don't be ridiculous, Barney, he's either a snake or an eel,

they're two separate animals.

I mean, they may look alike, but they're still different.

It's like calling something a rabbit, hare, a frog, toad

or zebra, horse just because they look similar.

It may be ludicrous, but it's true and for a very cunning reason.

Meet the deadly banded sea snake.

Hello, banded sea snake, you look familiar.

And here is the snake eel.

Er, confusion overload.

OK, well, let's have a look at the CV, shall we?

Ah, so the snake eel looks like the snake, swims like the snake,

but is a fish, not a reptile, and it's not venomous.

Erm, why?

Well, it's a complete con.

By copying the way the sea snake looks,

the snake eel is much less likely to get attacked.

Which is why he is so confidently swimming through the reef

without a care in the world.

So the leaf-loving batfish and the fake snake eel are connected

because they're both complete fakers.

Bring on the next conman, please.

So our sneaky snake eel is not the only shifty mimic in the reef,

wait until you see these two amazing lookalikes.

Let me introduce you to the black-saddled toby fish.

He's part of the pufferfish family.

Ah, he's a cutie.

He's a toxic cutie, as it happens.

He has poisonous skin, and his yellow, black and white colourings

tell passing predators that he tastes horrible.

This is all very interesting, Barney, but really he's not a conman, is he?

Patience, Gemma, patience.

Let me introduce another fish altogether, the mimic leatherjacket.

Hang on...let me see that again.

It's like spot the difference, they're exactly the same.

Yeah, pretty much.

You see the toby fish is not exactly an Olympic swimmer,

so he has toxic skin and bright bee-like colouring instead.

So it means he can happily swim along knowing he won't get gobbled up,

because his bright colour screams, "I'm toxic, stay away!"

Yeah, the leatherjacket doesn't have poisonous skin,

so it mimics the toxic toby fish to the last little black dot.

Ah, so he looks poisonous when actually he's as harmless as a fly!

That's well crafty.

The snake eel and the leatherjacket are connected

because they are both toxic copycats.

BAGPIPES PLAY

-IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Well, hello! It's the fangblenny fish.

-Are they Scottish?

-Er, no, I just thought that "fangblenny"

sounds like a Scottish name.

It's actually called fangblenny because it's got big fangs,

and "blenny" comes from the Greek for "mucus"

because it has really slimy skin.

Ooh, but is he a slimy character?

Oh, yes, it's slime for me to explain.

-I hope that's as bad as it gets, please continue.

-Sorry.

So this is the fangblenny in his normal outfit,

a nice shade of orange.

And this is the cleaner wrasse, one of the reef's most popular fish.

The cleaner wrasse are reef heroes, because they nibble and clean up

nasty parasites from other fishes' bodies.

Ooh, not my idea of a good meal, but each to their own.

And the fangblenny feeds on scales and chunks of fish flesh.

-FISH:

-Hey!

As fresh as it gets, actually - straight off a fish's body.

Eugh!

So the crafty fangblenny already swims quite like the wrasse,

but when he decides he wants a piece of the parasite action,

he pairs up with a cleaner wrasse

and changes his outfit to look like him.

They're exactly the same.

Ah, so he tries to fool the fish into thinking

they're going for a nice fish wash with the cleaner wrasse,

but instead they're going to get their flesh nibbled

by a fishy conman - ooh!

Both the mimic leather jacket and crafty fangblenny

steal other fishes' IDs for an easier life.

These two cheeky conmen are connected by cunning cases of stolen identity.

-These cute fish are looking right at you!

-Meet the twinspot gobies.

They have, well, twin spots.

Which is their front end and which is their back end?

Ah-ha, well, that's their con. Their two-spotted fin is confusing

to our eyes and even more confusing to the underwater world.

In fact, they're also named the crab-eye goby,

because they pretend to be a crab to fool predators.

Let's take a closer look.

Ah, that's the real eye...

Oh, or is that their eye? Ah, they're very clever, these little gobies.

-GOBIES:

-Can I help you?

-What are you looking at?

-Do you mind?

Oh, very yummy sand, hmm!

They're bottom feeders, so spend most of that time munching on sand

to filter through any nibbles.

They're also behaving like twins,

I mean, look at them moving completely in sync.

Yeah, brace yourself, romantic moment coming.

-They're in love!

-You're kidding.

Nope, gobies mate for life and are completely faithful to each other,

which may explain why they're so in sync.

What's the connection between this slushy pair

and the feisty fangblenny?

They are both crafty in pairs.

The fangblenny is only inspired

when a cleaner wrasse is around,

and the gobies only have eyes for each other.

Right, let's take a look back at our crazy conmen collections.

So how do we get from that way-too- convincing fish dressed as a stone

and end up with these odd goby twosome?

Let's reef-cap.

He may not be the best looking conman you'll ever meet,

but he's certainly one of the most effective.

The big gulping stonefish.

From one extreme to the other, our delicate little batfish cons his way

out of trouble by pretending to be a leaf.

Bizarre, but not as bizarre as this ocean scam,

an eel pretending to be a snake.

It gets him a much better deal in the ocean, though,

just like our friend the leather jackets,

pretending to be the toxic toby fish.

So much so you can hardly tell the difference between them.

It's a bit like stealing someone's ID.

And their clothes...and their face.

Just like the crafty fangblenny,

riding on the reputation of the popular cleaner wrasse.

The little gobies aren't scary at all, but their false eyes are freaky.

Here's looking at you - from my side.

So who's our next shady sea dealer?

-This is the peculiar little pufferfish.

-FISH:

-Ni hao.

With its silly helicopter fins and weird box-shaped head,

some are pretty, some are spotty or have a fondness for leopardskin,

and some even resemble other animals.

So at first glance quite cute and cuddly, really.

But this is a show about conmen of the reef.

Oh, no!

And this darling little puffer

is one of the world's most poisonous fish.

They have a deadly toxin inside,

so anything that tries to eat them gets poisoned.

And their skin is often covered in spikes,

so either way, they're not first on any predator's menu.

Ah, that explains why they're so out and proud.

In fact, pufferfish aren't content with just being toxic and spiky.

They have another con-trick to beat all cons.

It's not subtle, but boy, is it effective!

I'm a little pufferfish just minding my own business.

I look so sweet and innocent, don't I?

Now, leave me alone.

No, I mean it, really, go away, cos you won't like me when I'm angry.

-Seriously, you won't...

-..Like me when I'm angry!

Now see what you've made me do! I warned you, didn't I?

I am now a big spiky ball in a bad mood!

With their sensational water-sucking action,

they transform from this...to this.

So by increasing their size by more than three times

into this ludicrous spiky ball, they con their enemies

into thinking they're much bigger than they actually are.

And let's face it, who wants to attempt

to eat a big spiky poisonous ball?

I would say, erm, no-one.

Cool con. Imagine if we could do that.

You just don't look as scary, though.

Our peculiar pufferfish can transform

into a spiky beach ball,

and the twinspot goby

make themselves look like giant crabs.

So they are connected because their size lies.

Meow!

Wow, there must be some tasty fish food here,

it's a bit of a fish fight.

-Meet the catfish.

-Meow!

Catfish, are you sure? I can't see the resemblance.

Well, from a distance, they look like quite ordinary fish,

but there's something rather whiskery going on in the mouth area.

-Fish with whiskers.

-Well, they're actually called barbels.

They're basically sand-stirrers for the catfish to rummage around

on the sea floor for tasty morsels.

Why do they all need to rummage in the same bit of sand?

It's a device to make themselves look too big to bother with.

So their predators see them as one big animal and think,

"No way, too much hassle"?

Yep.

With up to 100 fish in one gang at a time,

they use their numbers to appear more threatening to their enemies.

Who wants to bother battling 100 catfish

when they could snaffle up a single fish here and there?

I guess not every fish has the ability to blow

themselves up like Mr Pufferfish.

So they have to use other ways to con and confuse their enemies.

Like the pufferfish, the crafty catfish use size trickery to fool

their enemies by ganging together to form one big feeding ball.

So, who's our next crafty conman?

-CRABS:

-Oh, does my hair look all right? I can't get it right.

I'm itching to stick this bit of algae on. How do I look?

A little too green.

I need a bit of white stuff here,

a ball of fluff here.

Give it a clean first - health and safety. I love dressing up!

Ooh, baby!

I reckon these crabs have got a little carried away

with the ocean dressing-up box.

Hello!

These crabs are called decorator crabs, and the name says it all.

They spend most of their time decorating themselves

in bits and pieces of the reef for disguise.

That's so cool!

Whether they prefer the pebble-dash look...

The more traditional leafy green attire...

These stone-like accessories...

Or the mad purple hair, whatever they pick

allows them to skulk around unnoticed by their enemies.

So they're dressing up to disguise themselves with outfits that mean

they can completely blend in.

Clever, eh? I wish we could do that.

I think we'd look even weirder.

Plus, we're not covered in tiny hooks that we can attach stuff to,

like the decorator crab.

Which reminds me.

Why did the crab cross the road?

-I don't know.

-To get to the other tide!

To get to the other...it's like side, but tide. It's a crab.

Awesome.

Try this one. This one's free. What's a crab's favourite movie?

-I don't know.

-Claws!

Like Jaws, but if you're a crab, it's claws.

Get off me!

That was so unnecessary.

Like the catfish, who uses his mates to blend in with

other big fish, the crab uses bits

and pieces from around his home to blend in with his environment.

The catfish and decorator crab are the ultimate

"use more to blend in" ocean conmen.

-Barney?

-What?

-I'll give you 100 coconuts

if you can spot our next conman. You have five seconds, starting now.

There, on the right...no, the top left...no, they're

in the middle...oh, man!

My coconuts are safe! Here he is.

That's just a piece of coral.

Hang on, the coral moved.

We've seen an eel that looks like a snake,

a leaf impersonator and a crab that dresses up.

But in my book, nothing beats this little fellow, the pygmy seahorse.

But how... Is it computer-generated?

They've got very stilted moves, haven't they?

-SEAHORSE:

-Oh, I want to go there.

Look, I've made it! Oh, hello!

Just an amazing example of how nothing in the ocean

is as it first appears.

These little fellows are seahorses, but so tiny, it's untrue.

The size of the nail on your little finger, in fact.

They're tiny, all right. How come they don't just get blown away?

Their curly tail allows them to swing from branch to branch,

a bit like a cheeky monkey.

And as they swing, they feed on tiny animals that float by.

How come they look so much like their home?

They're such home bodies that they have blended in perfectly.

It would literally be like me turning into my home to the last detail.

They even have the same lumps and bumps.

I know. Taken out of the coral,

they'd look like they had a bad case of chicken pox,

but in the coral, they blend in perfectly.

I can't see the seahorse resemblance.

They don't look much like horses, do they?

Well, they are seahorses, but to help them blend in even more

to their coral home, they've lost their famous seahorse snout

that you see on their relatives, the regular seahorses.

Yeah, his snout's been chopped off, hasn't it?

He looks more like a pig than a horse.

Like their cousins, the seahorses, their mummy is a daddy.

Are you horsing around?

No, it's true. They're the only animal in the world

where the male gets pregnant and has babies.

You mean this little fellow is a momma?

Yep, and you can see the babies moving around.

So technically not a conman in the fish world,

but a weird one in the human world.

Look, these two are playing a game.

I suppose you have to entertain yourself

when you're stuck on a coral for life.

So like the dressing-up decorator crab,

the pygmy seahorse is a brilliant mimic,

and can con anyone into thinking

they were just looking at pretty coral.

What fantastic ocean fakery!

-Time to catch up with our cunning con artists.

-How do you do?

All right, thanks.

The ocean conners have a few clever tricks up their sleeves.

What's more, they're all linked together.

Puffer by name, puffed up by nature.

Size lies with this crafty pufferfish.

But if your size is set,

why not hang out in a big whiskery posse like our catfish?

For pure individuality, you can't beat the dressing up decorator crab,

as he adds yet another bit of random weed to his outfit.

Still, it fools his predators, so who cares if he looks a bit daft?

Unlike the pygmy seahorses.

They look so similar to their surroundings,

you can't even find them. Now, that is coral mimicry to the extreme.

So, who's up next?

And to the left, and to the right.

OK, your turn.

Spot the weed that is really swaying in the breeze,

and the fish that is pretending to sway in the breeze.

They're all pretty convincing. I'd say the one in the middle.

Correct. Meet the ghost pipefish.

The name says it all. They look like pipes and move like ghosts.

They do look eerily like they're just hovering in thin air,

like a ghost.

But they have to move like that.

What would be the point of looking so weed-like

if they zoomed around the reef?

Talking of weed...why did the pufferfish blush? Cos the sea weed!

It did a wee!

-Let's pretend that never happened. Back to the ghost pipefish.

-OK.

They're brilliant impersonators, and are also related to seahorses,

which explains their weird floaty moves.

You're telling me! How do they do other stuff, like feed,

if they have to stay weed-like the whole time?

When they're upside down, they can view their food better,

and they can suck it up

while hanging around pretending to be seaweed.

So another super smart impersonating con.

If only we had that skill, things would be so much easier.

Like the pygmy seahorse, the weedy ghost pipefish

can impersonate their environment, right down to their floaty moves.

So the pygmy seahorse and ghost pipefish are linked

because they're both great impersonators.

-Wow, it's a thin fish army.

-They do move like stormtroopers, don't they?

Now a bit of formation dancing. And why not?

And what's more,

they're swimming upright.

Which is why they look like puppets dangling from invisible string.

And now you can hardly see them. What are we talking about here?

These are razorfish.

Razor-like body, razor-like name.

They are cool. I like them.

But surely they're not conmen?

They certainly are, but they're cool conmen.

They have a few con tricks up their sleeves, so they're quite chilled.

I guess a razor mouth is one of them.

It helps, but they are masters of disguise.

They can make themselves look super-thin, almost invisible.

Their long body and sharp spine

allows them to hide in similar-looking animals,

like the sea urchin.

Oh, yeah. Where have they gone?

And their vertical swimming style allows them to sneak up on their food

in a weird, silent, bobbing way.

-But they can swim normally.

-That's another of their tricky ways.

They can swim like normal fish, but choose not to.

If they swim head down, they can hide and ambush their prey,

so why do anything else?

This upside down thing's catching on.

-The ghost pipefish liked it, too.

-Exactly!

So, like the ghost pipefish,

the razorfish choose to hang out upside down in the name of disguise.

-ANGLERFISH:

-It's a bit breezy!

I'm getting blown away!

That was close.

These flipping frog feet are useless.

Luckily, I have a cunning plan.

Most people call me the frogfish,

and tend to laugh at my unusual appearance and bad hair.

But I'm also known in inner circles as the anglerfish.

I may look like a useless hairy object, but I have a little device

that has fooled many and earned me my reputation as quite a trickster.

Allow me to demonstrate my in-built fishing rod!

That's why I'm called the anglerfish. Get it now?

On the end of my rod is this false worm.

And you thought it was a real worm!

That's what my victims fall for every time. Ha-ha-ha!

What a cunning plan from the anglerfish!

And to think he looks so useless.

He's awesome. Surely the ultimate con master.

Camouflage, an almost invisible fishing rod,

false worm bait and their big, gulping gob.

Foolproof, I'd say.

Like our other con master, the razorfish,

their stealthy hunting ability means their prey have no chance.

So, crafty hunting links these two, and the sneaky anglerfish links back

to the stuffy stonefish, because they're both fishermen con artists.

What a load of consters!

I don't think that's a word, but I know what you mean.

Let's look back over our shady scammers.

We started with the stonefish.

He pretends to be a stone, so he can snaffle prey out of nowhere.

Like the leafy flatfish.

But for him, disguise is about blending in to survive.

I love the sneaky snake eel.

He's not a poisonous snake at all,

but pretends to be one so he can swim around unhassled.

Which connects him to our trickster, the leatherjacket,

that mimics the venomous toby fish,

knowing that it'll prevent him from being gobbled up.

Then there's the feisty fangblenny, who pretends to be kind and caring,

but is actually anything but.

And you've got nothing to worry about

if your false eyes confuse your predators

into thinking you're a crab.

Oops!

The preposterous pufferfish goes from cute fish to

scary spiky fish in seconds.

But if you don't have blow-up powers,

ganging together can con predators into thinking

you're one big animal not to be messed with, like our crazy catfish.

I prefer the dressing up decorator crab.

At least he uses recycled disguises to hide away.

But for pure hidden talent, you can't beat the pygmy seahorses,

so identical to their surroundings,

they look like a bit of coral, right down to their lumps and bumps.

Like their relative, the ghostly pipefish.

With their amazing blending skills,

they can feed on and impersonate seaweed at the same time.

Speaking of upside down, the ridiculous razorfish swim head down,

so they can hide and sneak up on their food at the same time.

But none are more cunning than the ultimate conman.

Angler by name, angler by nature.

The anglerfish trick their victims into thinking it's dinner time

before it's kaput.

Barney, you were a rubbish conman compared to that lot.

Here's your homemade unique snorkel back, by the way.

Hey, that is hand-crafted quality.

Well, I'm with you on the snorkel, but that mask is...

OK, that's just...

so we'll tape that up, and you're good to go.

£2. Good deal.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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