Inside My Head Newsround Specials

I'm Josh, I'm 14 and I love playing hockey.

I'm just like you, except for one thing -

I've got a mental health problem.

Mental health is big news right now.

Everyone's talking about it.

-Mental health...

-Mental health...

Mental health...

Newspapers, celebrities,

politicians, even royalty.

It's OK to suffer, but as long as you talk about it.

So, you'd think it would be easy for me,

and thousands of children like me,

to open up about our problems.

It's not.

I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling for over a year,

and things got pretty bad.

Now, I want to find out why it's so hard to talk about

mental health problems, and what's being done to make it better.

This is Inside My Head - A Newsround Special.

I know what it's like to feel all alone,

and that you can't talk about mental health problems.

I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling,

because I didn't know what was happening to me.

I DON'T want any of you to go through what I did.

That's why I'm making this film,

to find out how we can make it easier to talk about mental health.

We all stress about stuff, get sad, angry and worried at times.

That's normal. But for people with mental health problems,

these feelings don't go away,

and begin to affect our lives in all sorts of ways.

If you break your arm or catch a cold,

everyone can see you're poorly.

It's obvious.

But mental health problems are much harder to spot,

because they start up here, inside our heads,

and affect how we think, feel, our behaviour,

and how we cope with things.

They can affect anyone, at any time.

Mine is called OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder.

When I was 11, I started to worry about bad things happening,

and the only thing that made me feel better was washing my hands.

I'd wash them all the time.

I didn't think anything was wrong, I just thought I was a bit odd.

I found myself needing to write every three lines,

and certain numbers really freaked me out.

People at school noticed and asked me what I was doing.

I couldn't explain to them,

because I didn't understand what was happening to me.

I felt embarrassed.

Things went from bad to worse.

I was obsessed about objects being in the right place in my bedroom.

Even pieces of rubbish.

I'd check my room over and over again to make sure nothing moved.

It was taking longer and longer to do my routine.

It spread through the house

and I had to do specific things in different rooms.

Even my body was affected.

I suddenly developed a fear of looking at my feet,

and wore my trainers until they fell apart.

It felt like I had two voices inside my head -

the one that said, "You don't need to do these things,"

and the louder, OCD voice, that was shouting, "Do it,

"or terrible things will happen."

I was really paranoid.

I thought I was going mad.

The one place I felt safe was on the hockey pitch.

It was like OCD couldn't touch me.

Even if it was taking me hours to get there.

After almost two years of feeling like this,

I was really struggling to cope.

I couldn't do all the normal things that I loved doing.

I knew I had to do something and I decided to tell my dad.

So, that morning that I came in to see you,

what made you tell me that morning?

Things had been getting increasingly worse,

and I couldn't, sort of, handle the stress,

and I almost got pushed to breaking point

and I felt I had to tell someone.

When I started telling you...

..I just kept going,

because it did make me feel so much better,

and you want to get as much off your chest as possible,

and it's just a whole weight off your shoulders.

What were you most worried about before you told me?

There is a worry how people will react,

and there is that fear that no matter how well you know someone,

how close you are to someone, that...

they won't understand and you tell them and they will shut you down.

I was so worried that if that was the case,

I would get to the stage where I would never feel better,

and that I would be on my own for the rest of my life.

And because the problem was getting worse, so worried that there was...

That it would never get better.

Because you don't want to face it alone, it's such a big problem,

you can't handle it on your own.

I couldn't handle it on my own, that's why I told you.

So, were you worried that if you told someone

and they didn't help you, you'd be more isolated?

-Yes.

-I guess you thought

that you were the only person in the world with that.

Yeah. You have to build up the confidence to do it,

and it can be quite intimidating,

the thought of telling someone that you think you're going mad,

or something's wrong, but what I don't think many people realise

is the fact that...

..telling someone is only ever going to make the problem better,

not worse.

And it was so important that you did tell me,

because although there were ups and downs afterwards,

that probably was the moment where you...

-It's always good...

-..started to get better.

..to have someone to talk to, because the moment you, sort of,

let it all out, the moment you start to fully understand yourself,

what you're going through.

I think, and I guess,

that having to keep it to yourself probably made it a lot worse.

-It made it a lot worse.

-Is that what it did for you?

-Yeah.

-It was always a lot worse when we didn't speak.

-Yeah.

-And we kept things in.

That was harder.

That was a lot harder.

'My mental health problem didn't just affect me,

'it affected everyone close to me, especially my big brother Sam.'

What was it like when you first knew

that I was suffering with a mental health issue?

I think at first it was hard to understand,

because I don't think you knew fully what was going on.

-No.

-And I certainly didn't.

And I think that was the hardest thing, because...

not being able to communicate properly

about the problem meant that a lot of times,

we got frustrated at each other,

and frustrated over an issue which you couldn't control.

-Mm.

-But then I couldn't try and help you,

because we didn't know what it was, and it's something

which isn't very easily fixable.

'Having the support of family and friends is so important when you're

'dealing with a mental health problem.

'My best friend Jamie was brilliant when I told her.'

Did you first notice that something was wrong before I told you?

Yeah, I would say, like, in our classes at school,

when you got stressed, and you were often looking at the clock,

you had your little head shake thing, and like,

I, kind of, like, knew something was up, but I kind of accepted it as

something that was going on with you.

I was really worried at the time that you would judge me

and not want to be my friend any more

and think that I was a complete weirdo when I told you.

Oh, that was never going to happen.

I guess I just didn't really see it as something that we could ever,

-like, fall out about.

-Yeah. So, you didn't judge me or think...

I didn't judge, no.

"..I'm not hanging around with this guy who looks at clocks"?

No! Nothing like that, no.

One in ten young people in the UK has a mental health problem.

That's around three kids in every classroom.

And one person who knows just what this is like is Lucy.

During my time, I've heard a lot of things.

However, something that really stood out to me was that

I didn't look like I should have a mental health illness.

This made me quite angry.

I've come to meet her to find out how she's using her experience

of mental health problems to change people's attitudes for the better.

So, I was fully aware that I was suffering from depression

and anxiety, and I accepted it, however hideous it was.

One part of me was incapable of caring for myself.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't wash, I couldn't function at all.

Tell me a little bit about your story, what you've been through.

Erm, so, I've suffered with depression and anxiety

since I was about 14 years old.

Depression is basically feeling really, really, really sad.

You feel very worthless, you feel helpless.

It stops you from doing what you want to do.

Anxiety is feeling extremely nervous, worrying,

for an extensive period of time, really.

What made you want to decide to come into schools

and share your story with other children?

I think there's a lot of misconception

around mental health problems, a lot of stigma and discrimination.

So, I feel like it's my responsibility to come in

and help educate young people,

give them the facts about what mental health is,

so that they can have a better understanding.

Can you explain what stigma is?

Yeah, stigma is having these negative attitudes towards people,

say, with a mental health illness.

And the word discrimination is when we act on this stigma.

So, we might leave someone out, we might not be friends with someone,

and treat them differently.

And that might prevent young people from going into school,

going to university, getting a job,

it might make them feel quite isolated.

So, we really need to change these things,

so that young people can go out and reach their potential and do

everything that they've set out to do.

Any of you shocked or even surprised about what you heard today?

I was shocked that one in ten people can get mental health issues.

And I was basically shocked that lots of people are discriminated,

like, 90%.

Is it surprising that you find out that people like me

and Lucy have mental health disorders?

It is quite surprising, because when we see you now,

you're all really confident, so we couldn't really imagine it of you.

But when we hear your back story and how it affected you,

you can understand it better.

'With the help of people like Lucy,

'attitudes to mental health are slowly changing for the better.

'Adults are becoming more aware of what children like us

'are going through, and politicians are sitting up and taking notice.'

There's still a long way to go,

but the Prime Minister has promised more help for children

with mental health problems.

One person who's already making a difference

to the lives of young people is Dr Radha from The Surgery on Radio 1.

She believes getting help early is key.

If you're worried about your mental health,

then there are loads of people who can help.

So, the best thing to do first is to tell an adult that you trust.

That might be your mum, your dad, an aunt or uncle.

It might be a teacher or a school nurse, for example.

Or even your family doctor.

But also there are loads of other confidential helplines

from charities that can help you.

The most important thing to do is to seek help and to ask someone,

and tell someone how you're feeling as soon as you can.

'I've learnt from experience that you can't solve mental health

'problems by yourself.

'They're complicated, difficult things

'that can make you feel like you're going mad.

'I know how scary that can be.

'But telling someone really can change your life.

'When I told my dad, it was the best thing I ever did.

'He helped me to get the support I needed,

'and now I'm in control of my mental health.

'And life has pretty much gone back to normal.

'Even though it's been a long journey for all of us.'

Sometimes you can believe, and you can think in your own mind, that,

I'm a completely different person,

because I felt like someone had entered my head,

and was pulling bits apart and changing all the wires around,

and wiring things up differently.

But it's important to remember that it doesn't change who you are.

Even when you're having difficulties,

-you're still the same person.

-Yeah.

And I've always been really proud of the person you are.

'I wish now that I'd said something sooner.

'I don't want any of you to go through what I did.

'So, please, if you're worried about how you're feeling - sad, angry,

'lonely, anxious, down - tell someone.

'There's loads of help out there, and trust me,

'things really can get better.'