Episode 1 Caravanner of the Year

The holiday starts from here.

-Mint?

-Thank you.

For more than 50 years,

caravans have captured the hearts of the Great British holiday-maker.

Once you get behind that wheel, you will smile.

Two million homes on wheels now hitch up and head out

on the open road to explore the less-charted corners of the country.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

You could pay a fortune in a hotel for this.

You would.

But caravanning just got competitive -

the Caravan Club has whittled down its members to an elite six couples.

We can caravan with the best of them.

I think the aim is to win. I think I probably deserve it, as well.

They'll be put to the test in a series of trials...

-Oh, that's two foot.

-Whoa!

I mean, this is a hell of a challenge.

..judged by caravanning aristocracy...

It's not actually precisely level.

It's enough, I think,

that your gin and tonic wouldn't sit perfectly in the glass.

..to decide who has the ability, passion and know-how...

It's a 2.8-litre diesel engine.

That means nothing.

..to be crowned the club's inaugural Caravanner of the Year.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop! Whoa!

-Oh!

-Where's he gone?!

Look at the tears.

You are crying.

-Oh!

-CAR SENSOR BEEPS

I think I'm in trouble.

I can't... Oh, my God!

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

We've got welly-wanging at 11.30,

and the bat and trap at 1.30.

Unfortunately, no ferret-racing this year.

Thank you.

The driving force behind the Caravan Club's new competition is

club chairman Grenville Chamberlain.

With just a week to go before it starts,

he's guest of honour at a rally on the banks of the River Thames.

There's a number of ways you can... you can stay in this area.

You can, if you wish,

choose to buy yourself one of the houses over there -

set you back perhaps five or ten million -

or, of course,

you can come and stay with Southern Centres for £65 for the weekend.

LAUGHTER

The club might have started as a group of 11 enthusiasts,

but they now have more than one million members.

We turn over £105 million a year.

The chairman, ultimately, carries responsibility.

I guess you could say the buck stops here

and, from time to time, I can tell you, it feels like it.

Gorgeous piece of cake.

Mmm. Mmm.

Next week, Grenville's going to be judging more than just cakes.

-First and second.

-Yeah, definitely.

And can we have two "highly commendeds"?

For the first time in their 108-year history,

they've invited all their members to enter a competition to find

the very best caravanner in Britain.

Across the summer, hopefuls were whittled down through their

applications to the best caravans, camper vans and motorhomes.

At the Ferry Meadows Club Site, near Peterborough,

a semifinal six are now about to put their skills to the test.

We know that you are all experienced caravanners,

motor-caravanners and camper-vanners,

but we want to know whether you are experts,

so, over the next two days,

we're going to put you through your paces,

and, at the end of this two-day period,

we will reduce the number of you from six down to three

to contest the final.

On Grenville's left is his right-hand man,

respected journalist and motorhome maverick, Andy Harris.

-Hello.

-Hello!

Motorhomers and camper-vanners are a very different breed

from the traditional caravanner,

as they can embrace the freedom of the open road.

This is unbeatable. This is actually like being on holiday.

The thing about a motorhome is that you can go absolutely anywhere.

It's just so great to be able to stop somewhere...

and enjoy life.

You just can't do that in a caravan.

The first challenge in the competition is a task which

strikes fear in the heart of mere mortal holiday-homers.

A bit tight for the hedge here, so that will go to there.

Even the club chairman can come unstuck.

It won't fit. It's in the wrong place.

Notorious on sites for pushing couples to the brink...

Oh, no, no, no. It goes right up there, the first one.

The awning is the greatest source of aggravation.

..and affectionately known as "divorce in a bag"...

-MAN GROANS

-Although she helped me

put those poles together last night, it was my fault.

..it's the Awning Challenge.

-No. No. That's got to come out - the short one.

-Yeah. Ugh.

To make life harder for the rather nervous-looking expert competitors,

their awning pitch will be timed.

First in the firing line are Middle-England motorhomers

Keith and Angela.

I said to Keith on the way here,

it was a bit like the Charge of the Light Brigade

into the Valley of Death.

The clock's ticking from the moment they pass under the entrance barrier

to when they're sat down under the awning, enjoying a cup of tea.

Caravan insurance assessor, David Bird,

has teamed up with his mum Gwyneth.

He's done all his homework and all his practising...

and we'll see how it goes.

I'm raring to go.

The competitors have been kept in the dark about where to pitch up,

so the first three are given maps

-before getting under way.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-This is your pitch where you're going to.

-Yeah.

-If you just wait here until I give you the word.

-OK.

-OK.

-7-6 to...

-It's marked on the map for you.

-Yeah, 69, lovely.

-OK?

I've marked on the map your pitch.

And where are we?

You can go through, now, for me.

They clearly are under pressure,

and they can see what's going on around them,

so there is a challenge and it's a tough one.

It's going to be really difficult.

By the sounds of it, I'm behind, but I'm not.

Right.

-Make sure to...

-Water. Water.

The first two outfits are safely on their pitches...

There's... there's the service block.

Yeah, I'm looking for a pitch now.

..but vintage caravanners John and Jenny

are going round the houses - on wheels.

When they're not lost onsite, John and Jenny like to get together

with fellow enthusiasts of British caravanning's golden era.

This is a 1963 Cheltenham Waterbuck.

If we roll onto a site,

this is always the caravan that people want to look at,

because it looks different.

Erm, and if you ever look at a child's drawing of a caravan,

a child always draws a Cheltenham.

They never draw a modern caravan. It's always a Cheltenham.

Cheltenhams are a now-defunct British caravan maker.

As the ex-chair of their owners' club,

John is one of their biggest cheerleaders.

Well, we entered the competition because we don't think, erm,

a site full of modern caravans and modern tow-cars is that exciting,

so we thought, you know, we can caravan with the best of them.

It's not their older caravan,

but their sense of direction putting them at the back of the pack.

Here they come. Here they come.

Lucy-Jayne Grout restores vintage caravans

and is guest judge for the semifinal weekend.

They need to catch up, now, to see...

Whatever held them up, they need to get moving.

-We don't normally stay on sites as big as this...

-We're confused by it.

..so it was just, erm, getting our bearings.

With the first three semifinalists pitched up,

three more pretenders are queuing up to get started.

Lancashire's finest, Martin and Alison,

are relative newbies to camper-vanning...

We're both a bit nervous.

..while David and Ann are the most experienced couple.

Right, I hope we've got this right, now.

Well, you can't go down there. Ah!

-Huh?

-That's stupid.

-Ah, and that's

-BLEEP

-it, hasn't it?

Ally and Chris have driven their Army-themed camper...

Wahey!

..up from the South Coast, and they're ready for battle...

No, I didn't say go up there. It's the next one, there.

..possibly with each other.

The awning goes on that side.

-The awning goes on that side, Alison.

-Oh, yeah.

As all six outfits are very different shapes and sizes,

the judges will assess both the speed of the constructions

and the quality of the final build.

-Bit lopsided.

-Not too far. That's fine.

No droopy bits. We don't like droopy bits.

Erm, got to make sure everything is tight, it's well-pegged,

erm, and that there's no risk of it being blown away

if we happen to get a bit of wind.

Can you unfurl it?

You'll have to pull it up there.

He's not normally as polite as this.

I won't repeat what I normally say.

Can you unfurl this, please?

Yes.

A bit more... Can you do it a bit more?

Not pulling it, no.

Oh, I'm all muddy! I've got mud all over my hand.

Ugh, yuck!

Can you unfurl it, please?

I am doing.

-Can you unfurl it, please?

-Yes!

Is that right? It looks a little bit squiffy to me.

In fact, it looks...

Whatever angle you look at it from, it's not right.

-That's all the...

-That's the awning up.

Phew!

At 42, David Bird is the competition's youngest competitor.

He claims to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of caravans...

15 Pursuit. That's got the extra pack on it

with the, you know, the sunroof out of the motorhome.

..most of it acquired while dragging his 81-year-old mum, Gwyneth,

around caravan showrooms.

There's no wood in the framing at all.

They're calling it smart HT technology.

Um...

It's making... It's supposed to be a stronger, lighter,

better-built caravan.

Yeah.

Can you manage? Oi...!

He must have started this obsession about five or six.

He was in hospital for a long time

and, er, he said, "I want to see me caravan!"

His dad had to go out, get the caravan out of storage,

bring it back, past the hospital

so he could see it from the ward window.

-Do you remember that?

-Mmm.

That's all he wanted to do.

Martin and Alison come at camping from a whole different perspective.

Got it the right way round anyway. That's a good start.

Always a good start.

They want to rise to the occasion

and impress the judges with their bell tent glawning.

We have an erection!

Hopefully.

It should be self-supporting very shortly.

You've got to make sure that it's absolutely rock solid.

Sounds solid. Yeah, that's good, isn't it?

Tight, firm.

Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

We'll give it a good... give it a bit of a tug

to make sure everything's OK.

Yeah.

Steadies, and then we're done.

I don't think we can do it any better than this.

First to get it up are Keith and Angela,

so they're ready for a brew.

Tea's ready.

-Stop the timer.

-So what time was it?

23 minutes. You're exhausted, aren't you?

-Right, well, cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Well done.

-Cheers.

Unlike all the other competitors,

Keith and Angela don't actually own an awning,

so recently-retired project manager Keith spent all week

devising the most efficient strategy to build the one the club gave them.

-It's a good plan.

-It's a well-tested plan.

It's a 14-point plan.

And he didn't stop there.

Keith rewrote the manufacturer's guidelines

by colour coding and reclassifying each and every pole.

Cos it's important what height you put them at.

We've put in a piece of tape

so that we know what height to extend them to.

It's not just an awning which gets the Keith treatment.

Have we got...you said the breakdown cover documents?

Yeah, breakdown cover done.

Before departing on any trip, they go through a rather long checklist.

OK, um, English heritage book.

-Yes, that's there.

-The new one?

Um... '15-'16, yes.

Yeah? OK. I'll put a little star.

We're list people. We make a lot of lists.

The house is full of lists.

SHE LAUGHS

If I do something that isn't on the list, I'd write it on there

just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing it off!

Ann and David are the oldest couple in the competition...

We're getting there. Go and get water in the fire bucket now.

Could do with that one in there.

That one.

..and they like to stick to rather traditional roles.

Look, this is taking rather a long time.

Isn't it really a two-man job?

No. No, it isn't.

Are you sure?

Yeah, positive. How can two people do this?

Well, quicker.

-Ann?

-Mm?

Does he actually not allow you to help?

This is his job, is it?

This is his. He's out, I'm in.

Mostly the men do the outside and the women do the inside.

That's very old-fashioned, isn't it?

-Well, I am old-fashioned. Nothing wrong with that.

-OK.

-That's the back bit.

-Yeah, I know.

Ally and Chris are a more well-drilled unit.

-You got it?

-Yeah.

They've got a lot to set up here.

You know, it's not just one or two units, we've even got a toilet.

I find the best strategy is not to communicate.

Don't interfere with each other's jobs

and it will all go really smoothly. What do you reckon, Chris?

We know what's best for each other, don't we?

With time ticking over, it's getting close to boiling point.

-You've got the main's power on, you can put the kettle on.

-Pardon?

You can put the kettle on, you've got power.

-If I put...?

-You can put the kettle on, you've got main's power.

Yes.

Next to finish, 44 minutes in, are David and Gwyneth...

Tea's ready.

..and John and Jenny...

-I'm the milk first.

-Yes.

-Thank you very much.

-So am I, yeah.

-I think that's how it should be, isn't it?

-Definitely.

..shortly followed by both campervans.

We've brought you some Eccles cakes

and Chorley cakes to bribe the judges, from Lancashire.

Oh, I'm all for that.

And they do say the way to a judge's heart is through his stomach.

-Yes.

-And, as you can see, mine is not the smallest!

Leaving just David to soldier on solo

for another 25 minutes.

You look cheerful now. You look a bit knackered.

Look at him! Go and wash your face.

He's too knackered to go and wash his face.

-Cheers, cheers, cheers.

-Well done, Ann. Stop the clock.

Right. Well, the clock says one hour!

-11 minutes.

-Oh, that's not bad.

You have won the record for the slowest erection of the awning!

-Oh.

-Steady.

Steady. Calm down.

With judging imminent,

Keith is debriefing Angela on the finer points of his speedy strategy.

You've got to stop at trying to be 100% perfect,

cos you'll never finish anything.

Even the lunar landings didn't aim for 100% perfection.

But a shoddy awning can often fall flat in wet or windy weather.

-Time for measuring.

-Let's try... Let's check this one too.

So Grenville's on the hunt for signs of a limp or lopsided outfit.

It's got a bit of a droop there, hasn't it?

Yes, that's the droopy bit there.

We don't... We don't droopy, do we?

Apparently not.

I have to say the pegging is not the best I've seen.

It's not actually precisely level either,

front to back or side to side.

-How bad is it?

-Well, it's enough, I think, that your gin and tonic

wouldn't sit perfectly in the glass.

Let's measure this front end.

And we've got three-and-a-half inches at the front.

I'm expecting this to be pretty accurate.

And we've got three-and-a-half inches.

That's absolutely spot on.

With an impressively taut awning and a perfectly level van,

caravan fanatic, David, and his mum, Gwyneth,

have come out on top in the challenge.

But bottom of the pile are Keith and Angela.

That leg is not as high as the other leg,

so the whole thing has got a tilt on it. It doesn't look right.

But do bear in mind that they simply don't do this on a regular basis.

This is really a one-off.

OK. We'll bear that in mind.

But Caravanners of the Year...

ANDY SIGHS

-..should be able to put an awning up straight.

-I agree.

The six semifinalists have amassed over 400,000 towing miles

and 140 years' know-how between them.

David and Ann are the most experienced of the lot.

We've been caravanning about 35 years.

More than that, 38, cos my son is...

I better not say how old he is, he wouldn't like me to say

but he's 40 and we've been going 38 years.

Now retired, they spend as many nights in the caravan

as they do back home in Port Talbot.

-Oh, you haven't even shuffled these.

-Of course I have.

And wherever they are, there's always a game on the go

watched by three-legged dog, Beauty.

-I'll have that one.

-He's very competitive. He's a...

-Very...

-He's a very poor loser.

-No, I'm not.

-Very poor.

So I... Perhaps I let him win so as he doesn't, er...

He doesn't swear.

I'll have that one.

He won't let the children win.

I don't know if you were the same.

-He says they've got to learn to lose.

-Yeah.

Well, I do agree, yes, they do, but not every game.

I can't help that, that's the way I am.

-I won that.

-Oh, you won. Thank goodness for that.

With manoeuvring the next set of challenges,

Ann's hoping for big things from David, as he used to drive HGVs.

Oh, David's an excellent tower, fair play, he's very confident

and his famous saying is,

"If the mirrors will go through, the van will go through."

So as I shut my eyes and we go past whatever it is

and we come out the other side.

-I've been sworn at a few times!

-Yes, he has been shouted at in Edinburgh.

Mm-mm. That guy was not very happy.

No, he wasn't.

Oh, I should have led the spade.

Who's a bad loser today?

I'm not playing, no, I'm not, I'm not playing!

DAVID LAUGHS

Around the corner from the Caravan Club site is an equestrian centre.

The narrow tracks and bumpy fields are more tailored

to horses than caravans.

So it's the perfect place to put a potential

Caravanner Of The Year to the test.

Doo-doo-doo...

This ground's a bit rough, as well.

Grenville and Andy came down weeks before the competition to

concoct some devilishly difficult manoeuvres.

Reversing around this roundabout.

Reversing around the roundabout? Oh, that'll be good.

-A very tight roundabout.

-That's extremely tight.

Oh!

One of the many...

many disadvantages of a caravan is manoeuvring it.

REVERSING BEEPS

Well, if anyone can do it, Grenville can.

He's not going to do it. He's not going to do it.

He's good. He's very, very good.

That is really tight, Grenville.

I want to shake you by the hand

and congratulate you on winning Caravanner Of The Year.

Um, but that's, that's... That's a challenge.

One manoeuvre sorted, they're looking for two more,

ideally with an off-road flavour.

I've been in some dodgy places in my time,

and over some rough ground, but I wouldn't go down that.

Not with a caravan on the back.

I want a bit of excitement, I want a bit of spice in my life.

You'll get some adventure down there, I'll tell you.

-Oh, let's do it.

-You, you, you... You might be there for a week.

I reckon... I bet I could do it.

I bet I could.

I think that's just too much.

Let's have a look over here.

I think it's probably all right but it's about as steep as we want.

-OK, come on, let's go and do it.

-Yeah, OK.

I'll go first if you like.

Do you want me to show... Do you want me to show you how it's done?

I don't think so!

GRENVILLE CHUCKLES

OK, so I'm going to stay in second

and then I'm going to take a bit of a run at it.

Oh, that was easy!

Well, I'm going to do this in a much more controlled manner than you did.

-What?

-There's a thousand quid's worth of Wedgewood in there.

-You're kidding!

-No, we only eat on Wedgewood.

Grenville! Wedgewood.

We do things in style!

Oh!

REVERSING SENSOR BEEPS RAPIDLY

I think I'm in trouble.

Oh, hell, yeah.

-Oh!

-BLEEP.

-Oh, no!

-Erm...

This ain't doable.

I can't... Oh, my God! Oh...

No!

A thousand? Maybe two?

New backend on the caravan.

The caravan's now off the road.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

It's not good.

Just, frankly, caravans are not meant to do that.

That's the problem.

In a motorhome, you really can, within reason,

go just about anywhere.

That's probably not a good thing to say.

It's now time for the semifinalists to drive the courses.

Not yet. Not yet.

Crikey, that's tight.

Very tight. Very close.

Avoiding any steep inclines, the first of the three manoeuvres

is two laps of a figure-of-eight course.

All right, straight through, straight through.

To level the playing field across all the outfits,

the course is tailored to the length of each vehicle.

Yeah, you're all right this side. Following on through.

Hooray!

While the campervans and motorhome all clear the course

in perfect style...

-I think that was very good.

-Excellent.

-Too easy.

..the wider caravans find it a bit more of a struggle.

This is a hell of a challenge cos it's a hell of a long van.

-Oh, this is

-BLEEP

-crazy.

-Oops, slow. No, no, no, no.

He's just caught a bale over there, look.

-He's in for four faults.

-Oh...

Can you get through?

-Mum!

-All right.

-I thought you'd have gone up there.

-Where?

-That one.

-I can't go up that one.

HE SIGHS

-Oh!

-What have you hit?

-I've not hit anything!

All right. I don't think you did bad there.

-I don't know what time.

-Shh!

I've got to do it again, haven't I?

-Have you? How many times?

-Twice.

-Oh, that's two.

-Ohhh!

-That's two bales down.

Oh, dear.

Next up come two reversing manoeuvres,

once round the roundabout

and a reversing test with a twist in the horse arena.

Vintage campervan owners Ally and Chris

are first to tackle the reverses.

At home in Southsea, Ally runs a campervan festival

and is mad about all things V-Dub.

This is Monty.

He's a 1966 Volkswagen Transporter,

ex-Swiss Army.

And he's a communication bus,

which basically means he's a spying bus, which I absolutely love.

And so he would have had a big Bakelite aerial up here

for observationing and listening.

In the front here he's got the original rifle rack,

so it would sit in like that.

I did have a replica gun in here but a policeman stopped me

and told me that I wasn't allowed to have it.

I thought I was going to get arrested!

Cos he thought it was a real one and had it been decommissioned?

And I was like no, it's from Toys R Us.

SHE GIGGLES

Ally has kept Monty as an authentic 50-year-old vehicle,

so he has none of the driver mod cons we now take for granted,

like power steering or a...

reliable powerful engine.

It's not a modern car.

You can't just jump in it and go at 60, 70, 80 miles an hour.

You have to plan your journey, you have to know where you're going,

you have to respect that you're at 50mph.

But that's the joy of it.

Once you get behind that wheel you will smile.

He is the love of my life.

So he's the best man I've ever had. He's very reliable.

SHE CHUCKLES

Ally may have restored a beautiful van, but when it comes to

reversing, Chris can barely get it off the starting blocks.

No, it's not straight at all. It's all jack-knifed over to there.

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to do.

I'm afraid the time's up.

The vehicle's lovely, it looks great.

It doesn't look good in reverse.

Next up is a reverse round an obstacle and into a narrow gate.

It might sound easy, but as the hay bale is on the blind side

of the caravan, they won't see it until it's too late.

And then there's a further twist.

Just to make it more interesting, we want Ally to do it and not Chris.

Because you've done the other two.

-You know I can drive straight.

-That's fair, isn't it?

So...you've got 15 minutes to accomplish this task, starting now.

-OK.

-Right. Good luck.

-OK. Thank you.

Get it going.

OK.

Reversing a caravan anywhere can be mind-boggling

as it moves in the opposite direction to the way you steer it.

They have 15 minutes to complete the manoeuvre.

What's the betting? Five minutes?

-No. Two minutes. Three minutes.

-I'm very confident this'll be done.

-Two. OK.

-She's going to do it.

Can you see the bale?

-No.

-All right.

Right hand down to bring it left.

She's got the wrong lock on, look. She's going to jack-knife it.

Ally and Chris worked well keeping separate roles in the awning

challenge, but in this confined space, clear communication is key.

-Right hand down.

-Yes, I am, but it's jack-knifing.

Right hand down. Left hand down.

-Right hand down.

-I can't see the bale.

-GRENVILLE:

-It's the wrong lock. again.

-Is he telling her the wrong way round?

-Yes, I think he is.

-CHRIS:

-Go forward over to that point.

-That's not forward, that's to the left.

-Yeah.

-Just leave me alone.

-Right hand down.

You've got to stop when I say the stop word

-cos you're just carrying on.

-Well, when you say the stop word, I'll stop.

-Right.

-Keep it going, keep it going.

-It's fully locked!

-Keep it going, keep it going on your right.

-It's locked!

I think getting uptight now.

"Just keep calm and carry on."

-Yes, absolutely. That what it says on the label.

-As it says on the bus.

-Absolutely.

-CHRIS:

-Bring your left hand down.

-What the

-BLEEP!

-Tweaking it. Right, Alison...

-What do you want?

-Right hand down.

I done a mistake, then.

What do you want? Left or right?

Left.

Go on, girl!

ALLY GIGGLES

-Left hand down.

-That's not left!

-Right hand down to go left.

That's going right. I don't want to go right.

Time is up.

Time's up.

Oh, another failure. Oh!

Well done.

You were within a whisker, two or three times,

you got a lovely angle

and then all, of a sudden, it just twitched and went too far.

It doesn't like it. It's really hard on the steering and this is on sand as well,

so it's even harder to, to get the manoeuvring on there.

With 37 years of caravanning experience,

John and Jenny have driven halfway around Europe

but now they face a far tighter circuit.

-Are you ready? Good luck.

-I'm going to go that way.

-That way?

-I'm going to go straight, yeah. I'm going to go straight.

-Going the wrong way, isn't he?

-I'd have gone the other way.

Exactly.

-JENNY:

-OK, you can turn. Fine at this side.

You need to tighten up. Yeah.

-GRENVILLE:

-He's doing brilliantly well!

You know, this is now looking too easy!

-Right, Sausage, let's go.

-Do you want me to watch passenger side?

-Yeah, just watch the gate post, will you?

-Yeah.

-OK, Sausage?

-Fine.

Stopping the clock.

That is quite brilliant in my view.

That is a superb bit of manoeuvring of a caravan.

Thank you. Thank you.

-LUCY-JAYNE:

-Your time is just two minutes 38 seconds.

Good.

I don't think I'm quite up to that yet.

And I don't think he would want me to try that yet.

-I don't know. Given time, you're OK.

-Yes.

John might have proved himself an expert reverser,

but will Jenny also rise to the occasion?

And you...

are going to be driving.

Let's go.

OK, Saus? It is easy, it's just straight reversing.

It isn't.

-GRENVILLE:

-She's probably a little bit nervous

but, on the other hand, that is exactly the speed to do it at.

Get the angle on the car, on the van. Perfect.

Start to angle off now, love. Left lock.

Go on.

Stop!

This is a real challenge.

-UNDER HER BREATH:

-Oh, my God!

With only 15 minutes to complete the manoeuvre,

time is against them.

Take the lock off and keep it straight now.

-You're coming my way, Jen. You're coming my way.

-All right, all right.

Keep it straight. It's still coming my way, Sausage.

Don't get too near the fence. You're going that way, Jen.

Don't stop.

You want left lock, Jen. Left lock, left.

Left lock. Jen, left lock!

-Right.

-Yes, all right, come on.

-HE SIGHS

-Oh, dear.

Wrong lock.

Wrong... Wrong lock.

Wrong lock again.

That's... Yeah, that's straightening up now.

A little bit. Lovely.

15 minutes is up.

-15 minutes is up.

-Sorry.

-Right.

-Sorry.

-Don't worry about it, Sausage.

And I think I've let you down a bit.

No, you haven't. Don't be silly. No.

No, no, no. Not at all.

Martin and Alison are next to the starting blocks

in their modern campervan...

# Express yourself... #

..named after a notorious alcoholic drink.

Absinthe is the green fairy, and Absinthe takes you to places

that other things don't take you to,

hence Absinthe the campervan.

We're away most weekends.

Went to the Outer Hebrides last year for three weeks,

which was absolutely fantastic.

Jump in on a Friday night and drive away.

And it's freedom, really.

Also a lot of partying, um, discos in the middle of fields.

Partying, yeah, a lot.

Despite the cool van and fun-loving lifestyle,

Martin doesn't always embrace the free spirit ethos.

The plan was to have a look where the sun's shining on a Thursday

and just go for the weekend.

But Martin's a bit anal sometimes and can't, er, can't just

leave himself to not book somewhere, "In case we don't get in!"

I'm happy that I'm coming across as anal, by the way!

You are, though.

Martin and Alison are so campervan-proud that they always

reverse their mini trailer by hand to avoid any risk of jack-knifing.

Come on ...

Done.

A bit of a disappointment

of not seeing you going round there with your trailer.

We can't reverse with the trailer. We've tried it.

Basically, it just goes into,

um, the back chrome bumper and squashes it.

You could hear the crunch when it actually happened.

-Amazingly we didn't fall out over that.

-No, we didn't, no.

I... We... I just accepted it.

-MOUTHS:

-Not really.

Things go from bad to worse as they refuse to even attempt

the second reverse.

You've got 15 minutes to accomplish this task,

starting now.

No, we're not doing it.

We're not people who don't like challenges.

We like challenges and we don't like to fail at challenges, so disappointed.

Disappointed, yeah.

With only one reverse manoeuvre successfully completed

by any competitor, it's the turn of the "man with a plan", Keith,

to make a name for himself.

You needed to do a bigger circle.

-I'm on full lock.

-Right, well you're going to hit...

-Tell me when to stop.

He's gone too tight. Should have gone further over.

Unfortunately, he's failed almost before he's begun.

No, that's no good at all. No good at all.

I didn't realise to do it all in one manoeuvre without stopping

was part of the requirement, really.

I was on spotting duty as to whether he was going to hit anything

like that fence post, which he was.

I have to have some sort of role.

Angela's role could be dramatically expanded

if she's willing to get behind the wheel for the very first time.

I've never... I've never driven it.

I have never driven that van.

I drive a Toyota Yaris.

Well, this is going to be interesting.

God, my heart's going.

I know. It's going to be really exciting.

-OK.

-Are you going to do it?

-Well, I will give it a go.

-Give it a go.

But I'm absolutely scared witless.

-Now...

-Good luck.

Shut the door.

Get out of the way, then, everybody!

The motorhome IS the widest outfit, but it does drive like a normal car.

So, to make life more difficult,

the reverse towards the obstacle is much tighter than it is

for the caravans, which will all be taken into account by the judges.

Just let the clutch up slowly.

I have to put some revs, surely?

No. It's a 2.8 litre diesel engine.

That means nothing.

She's off.

Left hand down, left hand down.

Left hand down.

Right hand down.

-No, no, no, no, no.

-You said, "Right hand down."

Yeah, but don't accelerate, just the clutch.

-I can't just do the clutch!

-OK. Clutch. Clutch.

-I'm doing the clutch.

-Clutch.

Doing the clutch.

Now right hand down.

-Good. Good.

-I'm very close to it.

That's amazing. She's never really driven one before.

-No, that's really, really good.

-The guts that she has, that's ...

Yeah.

-KEITH:

-OK, good, good, good, good, good, good.

Keep going.

-ANDY:

-Brilliant! She hasn't even stalled it!

Tell me when to stop.

Ten feet.

I can't judge ten feet.

Eight feet.

That must be it, surely?

OK.

Out of gear, handbrake.

SHE SIGHS

I feel like crying!

JUDGES APPLAUD

-I think I need a hug.

-Please. Please. Out you get.

That was so brilliant!

That was absolutely fantastic!

Are you seriously saying you've never driven a motorhome before?

No. Look at the tears.

You are crying. That was just brilliant.

I've been so frightened of driving it.

Look, Keith's crying as well!

-Have a hug.

-I don't cry. I don't cry. Just my eyes...

Ah, well done.

Oh, dear. Look.

You need a drink.

I was so scared and so tense,

um, because I sat in the driving seat,

I always thought I'd...

It's too big.

Measuring up at over 12 metres,

David's car and caravan are longer than a double-decker bus,

making his the hardest manoeuvring challenge of all.

-ANN:

-As you're doing, straight back.

But as an ex-lorry driver he's not just bashing the course,

he has his reputation to think about too!

It's too tight.

-I don't think he's going to do it.

-No, I don't.

He wants to come up here and then go round that way.

Out of my comfort again...

Left to go right.

-Come on, you

-BLEEP.

Oops, sorry! Language.

You're OK, Dave, keep going.

Round.

He's just done it.

That is incredible.

Oops!

Oh!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Stop!

You've got to stand where I can see you.

You're hitting the other side.

-You've got to stand where I can see you.

-OK!

-You nearly killed the dog!

-Which dog?

A little dog who came running.

-Tough...

-Shh!

You did it in five minutes 22 seconds.

-Isn't that amazing?

-Oh, that's great.

And to do it the way you did was truly, truly incredible.

With their old-fashioned roles firmly rooted,

Ann is another partner more used to being a passenger,

as David always takes the lead behind the wheel.

To make it more interesting,

-you're not going to do it - you are.

-Oh!

Oh, yes, you are.

-You're joking?!

-I'm not joking. I'm going to start the clock.

She's not doing it. She's never reversed a caravan.

-You can shout the instructions?

-You're not doing it, love. You've never reversed a caravan.

-You can give her instructions.

-I'll try. Come on.

Despite David's reservations, Ann's determined not to be held back.

-Right. Open your window and listen, right?

-Mm.

Go on, keep it going.

It's a big outfit, it's a valuable outfit.

It's a brand-new caravan, it's almost a new car, as well.

£80,000 worth of outfit there.

-DAVID:

-Go on.

Full left now. Full left.

On to a left lock.

-Pardon me?

-On to a left lock.

What are you... What's happening here?

You're on right. Come on, left.

Which way am I turning?

You want to come this way.

The team spirit seems to have evaporated all of a sudden.

Right, take it off again now.

You've got to get it out through that gate.

-What about over here?

-Go on.

I can't see it, though.

-She's got it.

-Come on, Ann!

Ah, I'll have to... I nearly touched it.

-Is that enough?

-That's enough. You've done it!

Oohhh!

That was spectacular.

Well done, sweetheart.

Who moved... Who moved the pillars in closer?!

-I'll give you a hug.

-Oh, please do.

-Well, it wasn't very good, but it was...

-It was!

-I did do it, I did do it.

-Look you've done it, look.

-And well done...

-Thank you for letting me.

..for changing your mind and letting her do it.

-Well, I had to let her do it.

-I hope you've learnt a lesson.

I have.

Absolutely brilliant. I'm so proud of her, honestly.

Don't be silly, it was nothing.

No, it is. I'm so glad I let her do it.

I am. I really am glad I let her do it.

Honestly I am.

Oh, dear, dear.

David and Gwyneth are the early frontrunners after

excelling in the awning challenge.

And David's confident he can stay ahead of the field.

I think going into the competition, definitely the aim is to win. Um...

What's the point of entering otherwise? But I think it'll be

quite nice to have the title Caravanner Of The Year.

Um, I think I probably deserve it, as well.

In day-to-day touring, David is part of the new breed of caravanners.

There's a lot of making sure it's in the right place before you start moving.

He uses a natty bit of kit called a motor mover

to navigate in and out of tight spots.

You just learn where it is, where to move the angles.

It's a lot easier with a mover.

Um, and I like it.

To level the playing field,

the club has banned motor movers from the competition.

So David will need to rely on his skill behind the wheel.

You'll be required to reverse all the way round,

back into the position you're in now,

but obviously the other way.

Before this...

Any questions?

Right. Reverse ...

Well, there's only one answer to that. "Oh, my God!"

Best of luck. Off you go.

The clock's started.

Steady.

Gwyn...

Oh, for God's sake!

If I could see you it would help.

Gwyn!

-WHISPERS:

-What the hell are you doing?

-I don't know.

-I want you to help me.

-I know. I'm trying to.

-OK.

So can you stand there and tell me where...

-Where I am with anything?

-Yeah. Well, you're too near this kerb.

I'm not. OK.

-No.

-No. He's going to jack-knife it.

Whoa! No, no.

Whoa! No.

No, no, no, no, stop.

-DAVID:

-I can't see you there.

-No.

-But don't just go from side to side.

-All right.

-Help me.

There's going to be some stress build up.

Oh! Flaming hell!

Stop! Whoa!

Steady.

-GRENVILLE:

-They don't know what to do.

-No.

Mum, I can't see you.

I'm here.

What?

I can't do it, Mum.

-Out of time.

-Ten minutes is up.

That's probably one of the most stressful things I've done. I'm getting a motorhome.

Having come bottom of the pile across the first two manoeuvres,

David will have to hope his 81-year-old mother, Gwyneth,

can come to his rescue.

I'm absolutely petrified. I have no idea how to reverse.

How do you move the seat?

Where am I going?

-No, leave the wheel.

-I can't see a thing I'm doing.

-Stop. Try that.

-Where's he gone?

I'm here. I don't know what we're going to do with you.

It's not working.

No.

No! No.

Put it straight. One more turn. That's upside-down.

Turn it more. No!

-Other way.

-That way?

-Yeah.

Oh... It's all just gone up in smoke, hasn't it?

Yeah. They're not going to do it.

I can't see a damn thing.

-DAVID:

-No, pull the car this way.

-So how do I do that?

No idea.

Three... Two... One.

Time is up.

With a clean sweep of manoeuvring failures, the brakes are now

on David's dream of becoming the first ever Caravanner Of The Year.

It's D-Day for the semifinalists.

David and Gwyneth may have won the awning trial...

..but David and Ann came through strongly in the manoeuvres.

I would like to win.

It would be nice to get through to the final three.

But, er, I would think our big rival is the big motorhome,

because that would be my choice after my van.

Any three competitors could still go through to the final -

with just one challenge left to impress the judges.

I suppose the favourites for the Caravanner Of The Year competition

are going to be the caravanners cos this is the Caravan Club.

But there are some very interesting campervans here

and ours is just a motorhome, really.

Oh, our big rivals, it's got to be the vintage caravan next door

cos that's just gorgeous.

And then everything else is very shiny-shiny, so new,

it's spangly, so... Yeah, different end of the spectrum, I think.

But today I think we've got a pretty strong chance.

The Concours D'Elegance has been the mainstay of every

caravan contest since the 1950s.

While other beauty pageants have fallen out of fashion, everyone

in caravanning still wants to know who has the most desirable outfit.

Concours D'Elegance is making sure that everything

is in absolutely tiptop condition,

spotlessly clean, beautifully polished,

superbly laid out

and the most welcoming, er, outfit that you could wish.

And one of the easiest things to do, of course,

is to make sure it is clean.

The competitors have just two hours for their final preparations.

Getting it up to scratch could be easier said than done.

It is amazing where you see dirt where you never otherwise would

when you're doing this.

Just a tad OCD. Hope it wears off.

No rest for the wicked, I'm afraid.

Got to keep... Got to keep going, haven't we?

Not that I want to keep going.

I'll start with the fronts first and the dashboard

-and then work backwards from there.

-OK.

Did you notice I didn't listen to you?

THEY CHUCKLE

Oh, God.

With a place in the final up for grabs...

-Did you put...?

-Hang on, Jenny. I haven't got the right fuse rating.

..tensions are running high.

And you're leaving these with the books?

I don't know, love. Can you? You deal, love, cos I'm busy.

I don't know what you want to do.

It's not what I want, it's what you want as well. You do it.

Getting a vehicle ready for a Concours isn't just about cleaning.

The competitors are going to all sorts of lengths

to set themselves apart from the rest of the field.

You have to roll your underwear

and stack them in matching colours.

They're not big enough to roll cos I wear quite flimsy ones.

I was toying with making, like, a set for a proposal.

A proposal to all caravanners to fall in love with the motorhome.

And the gift of a rose,

as a little additional temptation.

Monty is, um, all done out in World War II propaganda,

so he is the Army side,

military, and the guys on the front

and Winston, it's the little caravan,

is the women at home waiting for the men to return,

so it's home comforts and pretty.

There's a lot of rubbish outside. What are you going to do with it?

-We're going to chuck it.

-We've got two minutes!

Well, where do you want me to take it?

I'm waiting for you to give me a hand.

With preparation time over,

the judges are unleashed on the outfits.

Grenville's adamant that not a speck of dirt will get past him.

I think it's important when we're doing the Concours

that we make sure we've got absolute cleanliness.

And we will have a look in the nooks

and crannies to make sure that everything is spotlessly clean.

Now, one of the things that I'd hoped I might not see

would be something like that.

And, of course, one of the areas that people always forget to clean

is under the lid.

And what have we got?

Dirt on the very first finger.

Lucy's eagle eyes are looking out for touches of design flair.

This, visually, is stunning.

I love the colour.

I love this touch with the little fairy lights.

They've made a real effort here with the styling.

And Andy wants to see signs of adventure.

I get the feeling this campervan is kind of almost

an accessory for lifestyle.

Adventure that doesn't turn his stomach green.

It's all neat, it's all tidy.

What can I say?

Ahhhh!

With all the judges tuned in to different features,

it's no easy ride for any competitor.

They're going to hate me for this, but to me, looks very, very similar

to, um, a Luton van or something.

Oh! Wow!

This is most impressive.

What we're looking for, really, are for the extra little touches that

just lifts it above the original manufacturer's specification.

Oh, look, they've turned over the lavatory paper.

I bet no-one else has done that.

And, um, probably for very good reasons.

For David and Gwyneth, a good showing in the Concours

is crucial after their reversing debacle.

Nice. Very nice.

This is beautiful.

It's been laid out for a wonderful cream tea.

It's lovely. I'm going to stay here and have my tea here.

Grenville, of course, will be inspecting every inch of it.

This is all spotlessly clean, look, right into that crack.

Looking for little cracks,

little bits of dirt.

Once again, absolutely spotlessly clean.

He'll want to make sure that the wheels are all correctly positioned.

Wheel trim...

See, the Coachman logo is the right way up.

I really don't care. I mean, what is it?

It's white. It's a caravan.

Oh!

Oh, this is wonderful.

As far as the Concours D'Elegance is concerned,

I'm not particularly impressed

and I think that Grenville will be actually disappointed.

David and Gwyneth have done an excellent job and really have

presented us with a caravan in incredibly well-presented condition.

Both John and Jenny's vintage throwback...

Lovely to see the pennants on, on the front here, the flags.

Owners' club badges.

..and David and Ann's modern juggernaut

have caught the judges' attention.

David has arranged his underpants so it's colour coordinated!

All the labels facing us.

Um, I can't, I can't... I can't find anything to criticise.

How disappointing!

But there's one outfit standing head and shoulders above the crowd.

This is a lovely old Eriba Puck,

really nice vans, um, very iconic.

The perfect companion for a VW.

Inside's fabulous.

I love the styling that she's chosen to do.

The whole thing followed through.

All the right Army green colours.

This is amazing!

Oh, this is wonderful.

This is beautiful inside. Really lovely decoration.

Just authenticity to the nth degree.

There's a hand grenade.

That's a gear stick and I've pulled out the pin!

That can't be good. I'll put it back.

I am totally impressed.

It's an outstanding performance by Ally and Chris.

But who's done enough across all three challenges

to make it to the final?

I thought Angela's efforts at the manoeuvring

was really quite fabulous.

-Inspiring, I thought.

-Absolutely.

For me, their only highlight was the manoeuvring.

OK.

I've got one or two, of course, that failed, as well.

Er, probably with awnings that weren't properly erected

and caravans that weren't properly levelled.

Great teamwork, set-up between themselves once they got going

was brilliant, but obviously an unfortunate start.

Let's talk about Ann and David.

I'm really torn, um, really.

Remember, they didn't even drive between the bales

and that was going forward with brushing notes.

We've just got, I think, three that are slightly better than the others.

And I think the differences are really quite small.

Amazingly enough, and I never thought, actually,

when we started this whole thing off, I never thought

this would happen, but you and I have got the same three.

I think I have to agree.

Ladies and gentlemen...

We have reached the climax of this competition

and I must tell you, this competition has far exceeded my expectations.

But...we have managed to come up with three finalists.

The first competitors through to the final are...

..Keith and Angela.

Yay!

APPLAUSE

The second competitors who are going through to the final are...

..John and Jenny.

Well done, Sausage.

APPLAUSE

And the third competitors to make it through to the final are...

..Ann, David and Beauty, the three-legged dog.

APPLAUSE

Um...

Disappointed, obviously, not going through to the final.

-But, yeah, maybe next year. A bit more polishing.

-Maybe. Maybe.

It's fair enough. I'm not disappointed, are you?

No. We've had a great day.

-We were pretty good as a team, weren't we?

-Yeah, we were good.

-Yeah, what you can do.

-I'll get it on the way home on the motorway.

-No, you won't.

-Yeah...

-Oh...

-Brilliant.

-Just amazing. Amazing.

Totally unexpected, to be honest.

Right, well we're going to have a rest all the week

and Saturday - bring it on.

-Knock us over with a feather, I'll tell you.

-Amazing.

Amazing. We are looking forward to the final.

A one in three chance, actually, Keith.

-Very good. You're good at maths.

-I am good at maths.

-Flabbergasted.

-Absolutely. Really surprised.

Gobsmacked.

-Flying the Cheltenham flag!

-Yes.

Cuddle, huddle.

-For warmth.

-Yes.

-Tonight's the night.

Shut up!

In the final...

My God, what's that?!

-Wow! What have we got here?

-Love and peace.

Can the couples hold their nerve

in their quest to be crowned...

Oh! What was that?

They can't go up here!

..Caravanner Of The Year?

And I'm delighted to announce that the winner is...