Love & Money Cherry Healey: How to Get a Life

I'm Cherry Healy, and in the last few years,

my life has been turned on its head.

I've gone from this...

..to this...

..and then, to this.

I don't know about you,

but I sometimes feel like the world is running away from me,

and it's high time I caught up.

So I'm determined to get some answers

to life's fundamental questions.

Does my bum look big in this?

Am I too old to take drugs?

Do I need a Brazilian?

Today, I went to find out what money does to our relationships

in a world obsessed with wealth.

Who controls it?

Can you have too much of it?

And can love survive without it?

I'm going to be meeting a cast of characters,

from the haves to the have nots.

From the controlling, to the controlled.

To find out if money can buy you love, or just power.

I'll be meeting two sisters who believe

their blokes should pay for everything.

-The older we get, the more expensive we get!

-The more expensive we get!

And two couples with very different attitudes to their finances.

I ate gone-off tinned beans once.

Me and him shared.

I don't do a lot unless it benefits me.

I'll also be learning from the experts how to part a man

from his moolah.

Hi!!

And finding out from a family in financial ruin

how losing it all doesn't just mean money.

I'll be getting a taste of life in their world.

Help me, help me, help me, help me!

Then I'll be inviting them into mine,

bringing them back to my hub, my base for the next few months,

in a bid to get them to confess all.

Do you feel that, in order to keep the girls,

you need to maintain that lifestyle?

If I had nothing, what would happen?

-You would be kicked out!

-THEY LAUGH

Do you love that control, that you're withholding money from him?

Yes, of course I do! I'm a control freak!

Will any of them change the way they live their lives as a result?

All right, girls, get your wallets out! Pony up!

I just want anything to change!

Or, will the change be all mine?

Kiss my feet, slave!

Yes!

We've all heard the saying that money can't buy you happiness,

whereas we know that love can.

But, when push comes to shove,

I wonder which one people think matters most.

Love or money?

-Love.

-Love.

-Money.

-Really?

-Yes.

-Bit of both.

-Ooh!

-You can live without money.

-I disagree! I disagree!

You can't live without money!

No, seriously! You can live without money.

You can't live without money,

but you can be in love and be happy without money.

It seems that most people see money and love as opposite, somehow.

It's as if cold, hard cash and warm, fuzzy love

can't exist in the same sphere.

Which might explain a bad habit of mine.

I'd like to think that I have an honest relationship

with my husband, Roly, but when it comes to clothes shopping,

I have been known to be a little bit economical with the truth.

So, I do this quite mad thing.

I hide my shopping bags sometimes.

When I've had a bit of a shopping splurge,

it does make me feel really guilty and ashamed, actually.

Almost like I've cheated on Roly, which is bananas,

because I know he wouldn't mind.

I think the reason is because I know I can be a bit selfish with money.

I just don't need any more clothes,

and there's loads of things for the family

that we could use that money for.

But I just can't really help it.

And it's kind of easier to hide than to admit it.

And I'm not alone.

Three of the top five most popular white lies

that women tell their men are about their spending habits.

In first place is, "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for ages!"

In second place, "It wasn't expensive!"

And coming in third, "It was in the sale!"

Yeah, right!

Meet two girls who share my passion for fashion.

But they don't need to lie about it. No, sirree!

Sisters 30-year-old Georgie

and 29-year-old Nicki, from Brentwood in Essex

have a serious shopping habit.

And they expect their boyfriends to foot the bill.

What is the terminology?

Pussy whipped, innit?! Pussy whipped! HE LAUGHS

Dean does pay for...well, everything.

All our mortgage, bills, shopping,

cleaning lady, ironing.

All of that all comes out of Dean's account.

Well, our joint account...

which only Dean pays into!

It's kind of the same with me, though, as well.

Paul pays for...everything.

But we always say to them,

what's theirs is ours and what's ours is ours.

GEORGIE GIGGLES

# Buy me diamonds and rubies... #

They're packing the boys' plastic, and armed to do what they do best.

Shop till they drop!

-Hello!

-Hello!

# Gucci dresses and drop-top Kompressors

# Wine me and dine me... #

The girls, they come in every other week.

They can spend anything from £100-£1,000.

They choose whatever they like here.

And then either the boys come in and pay for it,

the girls pay, if they've got some money,

or their dad pops in and always tries to clear up their bill

if they've got a little bill left over.

They're my loveliest customers!

# Prima donna girl, yeah... #

The girls run their own successful interior design business,

but they've been indulged since they were children.

And old habits die hard.

# Prima donna girl

# Would you do anything for me? #

-I suppose we were...spoiled?

-Yeah.

At birthdays, we'd both get present on each other's birthdays.

My dad, he always treats us through the year. What's his saying?

The older we get, the more expensive we get!

Yeah, the more expensive we get!

He thought it should stop at 18...no.

21, possibly? No.

I'm 30 now, and no!

SHE LAUGHS But he loves it!

It's Valentine's Day,

and while the girls get ready for a romantic dinner,

the boys reflect on their daddy's girls.

What is it you say?

-That Dad...

-Created a monster.

-Created a monster.

He could've kitted them out in Primark for the last 20 years,

but he didn't. He is the sole reason they are the way they are,

and he's entirely to blame.

We know that they're happy

in that life and what they've always received.

And we try as best we can to continue that.

I don't find any pressure,

because if I just say to Nicki, "No, you can't have it,"

she can ask her dad, and he'll probably get it for her anyway!

THEY LAUGH

These guys aren't millionaires. Paul is in construction

and Dean works in insurance.

Yet, they're expected to cater

for a champagne lifestyle worthy of WAGS.

What is money, at the end of the day? You earn money to enjoy money.

It don't become your whole life.

I think, in normal relationships, money might bring power to it.

But it definitely doesn't in mine.

No, nor in mine!

If I pay for anything, I still know who wears the trousers.

You look nice!

You finally ready?

On the surface of it,

everyone seems to be perfectly happy with this traditional setup.

But I can't help wondering whether the boys are as relaxed

about the girls' spending habits as they appear.

And today is my chance to find out.

Hello!

'So, I've invited both couples in for a gentle grilling.

'Paul's stuck at work, so I hope Dean can speak for both the boys!'

-Cheers!

-Cheers!

To the champagne lifestyle!

Oh, oh!

So, do you think without Dean's income, you could survive?

I could survive, yeah...

-DEAN LAUGHS

-Sorry, I've got to laugh!

-Really?! Go on! I want to hear this!

-Go on, then!

-Do you think you could survive?

-Yeah, I think I could!

-Really?!

-Yeah!

No, I seriously think I could!

Why do you doubt that?

Erm, because everyday bills...

I get set in my ways that I don't look at the bills.

Well, you'd have to if Dean wasn't there!

You don't even know what the bills are..!

That's what I mean! If I had to look at them, then I would survive!

Right, what's the saying?

Why have a dog and bark yourself?! SHE LAUGHS

I can't believe you just said that!

Do you think you and Paul feel pressure to keep the girls

in the lifestyle that they're used to?

I'd like to say no, but I'm not quite sure!

If I had nothing, then what would happen?

-Erm...

-You would be kicked out!

THEY LAUGH You know we're joking!

Do you think if Dean lost his job and couldn't find one

for a year, a year and a half, and you had to support him,

honestly, honestly in your heart,

do you think that your relationship could cope with that?

It would only...Dean would back me up on this,

I think you would find it more difficult,

because you couldn't provide.

Whereas, I'd be, "No, we'll be fine, we'll get on,"

and we'd make sacrifices. I love you, whatever.

If one of us two was with somebody that didn't bring in a lot of money,

but they was out there working all the time...

It wouldn't matter.

So it's more about work ethic than cash?

It is. It's more about having the drive, as opposed to the money.

Do think you'll bring your children up in the same way?

Or do you want them to be financially independent?

I want them to be financially independent.

That they can stand on their own two feet,

And they don't have to rely on anybody.

-But if you had a daughter...

-I do.

..independent and everything,

would you want her to go out with somebody

who could actually never support her? And she was just the one...

But I'd feel really conflicted by that because it's a good question

because actually I would want her to be looked after,

but I'd want her to be able to 100% stand on her own feet

and not rely on him. And also be prepared to look after him.

'I still feel like I've only heard the sisters' side of the story.

'So, later on, I'll be finding out how the boys really feel

'about being taken for granted,

'and whether a girl in leopard-skin can change her spots.'

It will be our money...

-Ours as in mine and yours?

-Oh, sorry, my money!

Not the joint account!

'But first, I want to find out more

'about the link between money and power in relationships.'

-Are you in a relationship?

-I am.

-Who holds the purse strings?

-I do.

And how does your partner feel about that?

Erm, it's kind of, I let them think that it's a mutual decision.

You've been together for 11 months. Have you actually had a discussion

about how you're going to manage your finances?

No, I don't know, no, no. Definitely not. We don't share yet.

Don't share yet.

Who makes the big financial decisions?

-I do.

-Wow, OK, she does.

When do you think you'll start joining your finances?

Perhaps if we were to move in with each other. That's not good.

We haven't had that discussion.

That's another subject for another day.

Are we going to move in together? Shall we just steer it like that?

-I don't know!

-What have I done?!

'Most people seem to think

'that whoever controls the purse strings controls the relationship.

'No wonder money's such a source of conflict.

'So what happens when there isn't enough to go round

'in the first place?'

'One of the worst hit areas is the North East,

'where 20% of young people don't have jobs.'

Newcastle!

'And 22-year-old Michael from Newcastle is just one of them.

'He wants to be a rock star when he grows up.

'He's been supported by his girlfriend Jenna

'ever since the company he was working for went bust,

'while Jenna earns £13,000 a year working as a hotel receptionist.

'It's 5am and I'm on my way to meet Jenna and Michael

at the flat they share before she heads off for an early shift.

Hi, are you Jenna?

-Where did you meet Michael?

-Erm, at a gig.

-The fact that he was playing in the band...

-That was the attractive bit.

When did you think, "I love him?"

It was literally weeks and I just thought...

I just never had this feeling about anyone before

and I was actually sat in bed with him, but I didn't want to say it.

It's funny cos when we first said it to each other we were just going,

"I like you!" "I like you too."

We just kept going back and forth until he was like,

"OK, I do actually love you." I was like, "Aww!"

How long has he been out of work?

Erm, since March.

OK, so a couple of months. And have you really felt that extra pressure?

About just over three quarters of my wage comes out each month

just on bills and rent, and the minimum amount of money for food.

So, just...there's no luxuries or anything there.

'6am, and time for Jenna to head to work.

'I want to find out more about her and Michael's situation,

'so I'm going with her.'

-So this is where you work all day?

-All day.

'Jenna's been offered a lucrative job

'back in her home town of Harrogate.

'She'd be paid three times more than she currently earns,

'but she'd rather stay put and I want to find out why.'

What happened with the job you were offered in Harrogate?

Why did you turn that down?

Well, it was a family-run business,

but my plan was to go back to Harrogate, make some money

and then move from there and decide what I wanted to do with my life.

But instead, I've stayed in Newcastle and not made any money.

I don't regret it at all. I'd rather be happy with no money.

-Have you ever had to bail Michael out financially?

-Yeah.

In fact, probably about two, three months into our relationship.

-Wow.

-I took the last bit of my overdraft,

which is a few hundred pounds, to pay his rent.

That was a big step, considering I didn't know him for very long.

That just ruined me for so long.

I was living on...I ate gone-off tinned beans once.

Me and him shared them while everyone was eating Domino's.

That is gross and romantic all in the same little heart-shaped

bowl of mouldy beans.

It was awful.

MUSIC: "Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent by Gwen Guthrie

'I'm struck by Jenna's generosity.

'She doesn't seem to resent being the sole breadwinner.

'Now I want to know how Michael feels about being a kept man.'

Hello, Michael?

-Are you awake?

-Yeah.

So rude to wake someone up. I'm sorry.

-Hi.

-Hiya!

-Can I come in? I'm Cherry!

-Nice to meet you.

God! You look really cosy.

How long does the guilt last at five in the morning?

Well, about two minutes and then I'll wake up.

I think that's quite generous.

When my husband gets up to go to work earlier than me,

I feel guilty for about ten seconds.

Michael used to work at the clothing retailer Peacocks,

but was made redundant five months ago when the business went bust.

I feel like I haven't got a purpose anymore.

I'm just floating around on job websites.

Not getting anywhere.

So what kind of jobs are you looking for?

Anything at the minute, absolutely anything.

I've printed off my CV and keep re-writing it and, I mean,

I handed a load out in the main street in Newcastle, erm,

a few weeks ago and then I went into town and, like,

half the shops I'd handed them in have gone,

aren't even there anymore.

You know, you start to...

You start thinking, "Oh, it would be great to be a musician."

-I'm going to conquer the world.

-Yeah, just...

..or even that sort of thought,

"It would be really great to be one."

And now, it's literally, "It would just be great to have any job."

So why not go back to Harrogate and have money and be together?

She tells me that...cos she's been there all her life,

and she wanted just to get out of Harrogate,

which is why she came here.

So now, I think going back, that's also, again,

it's like we have completely been defeated.

'It seems that Michael and Jenna have plenty to prove to themselves

'and each other by staying in Newcastle.

'Michael's dream is to make it as a musician,

'so we're off to have a look at his studio.'

This is the studio in here.

-Er, wow! It's amazing!

-Yeah, it's kind of good.

How have you got access to a studio like this?

We just know a guy who's extremely generous enough to give all this.

Is this why it's so hard to consider moving to Harrogate?

Well, yeah.

'I totally understand Michael's desire to pursue his dreams,

'but I wonder how much longer he can go on

'playing free gigs without bringing home any bacon.'

MICHAEL SINGS

'Jenna's home after a long day at work,

'and now that I've got them together, I want to find out

'how long they think their relationship can survive

'on love alone.'

We don't talk deep about it.

It'll just literally be me whingeing on about, "Oh, I'm so skint."

And then you'll be like, "Don't worry about it."

But sometimes in a sort of way where you think, "Oh, God!"

I do check...well, not check but I'm like,

"How many jobs have you applied for today?"

I feel like a mum when I'm doing that.

I'm just like, "What am I doing?" Like, nagging.

If there are no jobs available, let's say the situation carries on,

would you be able to carry on as a couple doing what you're doing now?

It's always going to be romantic, but there's always...

at some point, it's always going to be brought back down to reality

in a sense where it goes, "Yeah, but...we are skint."

I suppose if money makes the world go round

and love conquers all...

..love's got "conquers all."

Ooh! So it'd be, "Love conquers all"

trumps, "Money makes the world go round."

-OK.

-Maybe.

I'm a bit cynical of that phrase, "Love conquers all."

I think you do kind of need money to get by.

But actually, Jenna and Michael are in that amazing honeymoon period

where love, at the moment, is more important than money.

'Two ladies who understand the power of money and aren't afraid to use it

'are sisters Nicki and Georgie from Essex.

'I'm back to visit their boyfriends Paul and Dean

'to try and get them to stand up to their women.'

Tell me a bit about how money plays a part in your relationship.

We have a joint account. I fill it up and she empties it.

That's exactly how it works. In a nutshell.

I went to the bank the other day to draw out some money

cos we was going out for Nicki's birthday...

and I asked the lady in the bank for 300 quid, 400 quid.

When she gave me the money, it was double, and I went,

"No, I didn't ask for all that."

And she said to me, "It's Nicki's birthday, so you'll need it."

-That is hysterical.

-When it's their birthday...

Was it funny or was it a bit galling?

No, it was funny. I did laugh, cos I can always put the money back.

But I just thought "I've got her on my back indoors,

"I come to the bank and the bank manager thinks it's funny as well?!"

D'you ever feel like the girls have kind of got one over on you?

Oh, yeah. You're completely under the thumb.

I've got a mark permanently on me forehead.

What are the money bugbears

that you have with your girlfriends and vice versa?

Could do with buying me a few more things. That'd be nice.

Come home and them shopping bags are yours, not theirs.

Look what I've bought you today.

Would you like them to treat you a bit more?

Not a bit more, just more than twice a year would be nice.

'Time to lay down the gauntlet at the girls' interiors shop.

-Hello, ladies.

-BOTH: Hello!

-Hello!

So, I've been talking to your boys today

and I asked them if there was one thing they could change

about your financial set-up, what would it be?

What d'you think they said?

-Get rid of us?

-No, they were very nice.

It wasn't quite that harsh!

They did say they wouldn't mind being treated a bit more.

Rather than being treated like a skivvy, you know?

Like we work for you.

When was the last time you treated the boys?

-Erm...

-You can't even remember.

I bought Paul a belt.

-I did get you a pair of trainers.

-Yeah. How long ago was that?

Last year?

Is it fair to say that you girls don't treat the boys very much? Yes.

-Clearly.

-Not nearly often enough.

-No, I'd agree.

How would it be if you pampered the boys this afternoon

and paid for it all?

-That'd be nice, yeah. Would you like that?

-That'd be bliss.

Could we just make sure

that it's their money and not the joint account first...?

-It'll be our money.

-Ours, as in mine and yours?

-Oh, sorry, my money!

Not the joint account! Not the joint account!

Yeah, it'll be...! Yeah, my money.

'Baby steps, Georgie. Baby steps. The salon awaits.'

Some of these are really expensive.

One of them's like four-and-a-half hundred quid,

I think I might have that.

-I'm going to have a facial.

-I'll have a facial as well.

MUSIC: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

That's great, it's lovely.

Could get used to this.

One for you...and one for you.

-This is the life!

-Yeah. Proper treat.

Does it feel better knowing the girls are paying for it?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Definitely.

-Why?

-It's always better when it's free.

-I agree.

-Everything in life's better when it's for free.

If this happened on a regular basis, would you be all right with it?

-100%.

-Once a month'd be nice.

Let's start small, and then we can work up to something more.

All right, girls. Get your wallets out.

Pony up. Payment time.

What's the damage, Harriet?

That's 25 each, please, girls.

-How does it make you feel, paying for their treats?

-Good.

-Yeah.

It does make you feel good about yourself.

Hello.

-Wow!

-Your first facial.

-I feel like a young man again.

-Feel me.

-It's nice.

-Very nice.

When you realise that you don't really treat the boys,

-did you feel a bit guilty?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Really?

-Mmm.

-This is good.

-This is good.

-We can do this more often.

-You do do a lot for us, and we give nothing back.

-Nothing!

Awww, don't feel bad. It's all right.

You can just turn over a new leaf, all right?

-Start a new you.

-As of today.

In fact, I think there's an appointment for you next Thursday.

I think Paul and Dean have really learnt today

that whilst they do love that macho, breadwinning role,

it's actually OK to let that go once in a while

and have the girls pay for stuff.

It doesn't make them any less of a man.

And I think the girls have learnt that

they shouldn't really take the guys for granted.

The guys need that too, because it shows you're thinking of someone.

It shows affection. It's not just about how much it is

or the fact that you're buying someone something,

it's about showing that you really care for someone.

'I've certainly learnt the hard way

'that you can't take money for granted.

'Ever since I've had Coco,

'I've really enjoyed doing homely things like making banana bread,

'which I didn't really enjoy before.'

I really want to give her a homely, secure environment to grow up in.

When I was growing up, my family got into a bad situation

and we lost all our money and ended up losing the family home,

which was a really scary and difficult time.

I think that's part of the reason why I'm so nervous with money,

because I know how quickly it can disappear.

In the current recession,

this is a scenario that's been repeated up and down the country.

Last year, 36,000 homes were repossessed,

and for the first time in seven years,

divorce rates went up.

I'm going to meet a couple who've been hit hard by the recession,

to find out if love can last when the money's run out.

I'm in Sandhurst, Berkshire to meet Ania.

She escaped a deprived upbringing in Poland

to make a life in Britain with successful accountant Colin Timpson.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-Are you Ania?

-Yes, I am.

-I'm Colin.

-Colin.

-Nice to meet you guys.

-Do come in.

-Thank you.

Let's start at the beginning.

How did you meet each other?

I have a twin brother and he married a Polish girl.

Ania was a guest at the wedding,

and I asked her to dance, and we danced, and...

-We never stopped.

-We never stopped, ever since.

When I saw Colin, and I went, "This is the father of my children.

"This is my husband," I knew that.

It was like somebody hit me with a brick on the head.

Suddenly I thought, "This is it."

Ania was a glamorous 18-year-old with the world at her feet,

and despite a 14-year age gap,

she and Colin soon married and had their first baby.

For 13 years, they lived the high life

and enjoyed the fruits of Colin's success.

We never had to say no to anything. It was whatever we wanted.

We've got time off? OK, let's go and book it.

So we just walked to the travel agent and booked a holiday.

We never had to stop and think for a second.

We only thought that our life would get better.

I would never think that we could take steps back.

It was always a step forward.

When did it change? What happened?

I lost my job in 2009,

like, I'm afraid, many accountants lost their jobs back then,

and that's when life changed.

The first casualty was the dream house

they were in the middle of building.

It was repossessed before it was even completed.

Ania's taking me to the site where she planned to raise her family.

Wow.

It's a bit heartbreaking, actually, cos it's like

somebody's got what I'm supposed to have.

Yeah.

It's my dream somebody's living in.

It must have been really hard to let go of this place.

Yes, because we were here every day.

And we were, you know, ordering windows, doors, everything,

planning what kitchen, what flooring we would have.

-How complete was it before you had to give it up?

-70%.

A job didn't come, the savings finished, and everything just went.

It's obviously incredibly difficult for Ania to see this place now,

because this is actually the moment

where things went from being brilliant and happy and positive

to being incredibly difficult.

I just really feel for her, I really do.

Back at the house, Ania shows me more evidence

of her former well-heeled life.

And I wonder at what point losing it all started to affect

her and Colin's relationship.

-Did your feelings change towards him?

-Very much.

Even if he came and touched me, I would cringe.

I would literally go, "Do not touch me."

I just felt angry for the situation, and I put that anger towards him.

Two and a half years after he lost his job,

the couple reached breaking point and Colin walked out.

I've had enough. I've got to go, you know?

Otherwise I'm going to do something really...

you know, detrimental to everybody's health.

-And how was it for you?

-I died. Half of me died.

Up to that point, I hated him. We argued.

But when he left, I walked into the house

-and I was absolutely out of breath. I...

-SHE GASPS

I was hyperventilating, I couldn't breathe,

I was completely like somebody kicked me in the chest.

Colin camped in his parents' back garden

for two weeks before returning home.

Clearly, money has caused so much stress between Colin and Ania,

and the fact that it's basically made them separate.

Their relationship has been put under so much pressure.

It's actually kind of amazing they're still together.

The date is fine...

'They're now under more financial pressure than ever before,

'and can afford to eat just one meal a day.

'Although the children never go without,

'I wonder how they're coping.'

I'd just love to know what it's been like for you

the last couple of years.

It makes it really hard to just relax,

because every day, the thought is there,

what are we going to be doing?

Are we going to get a job soon or is there going to be

some rise in money or something, just anything?

How do you try and help your parents?

Mostly, all my birthday money...

I do get Lego, but if they want to get something or any of that,

I give them some of my money.

He helped with food once. We had no money for food,

and he just took his money from his wallet

that he got from his birthday.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah.

'This family is surviving by the skin of its teeth.

'They've not paid their mortgage for two and a half years,

'and repossession is a constant fear.

'I'll be back later

'to see if they can keep a roof over their heads.'

'I know that my cautious attitude to money

'comes from being in a similar situation,

'but now that I'm earning my own,

'I wish I could let go of some of that fear.'

I do wish I was a bit more relaxed about money.

I sometimes wonder, am I controlling it or is it controlling me?

Roly will just hop in a cab if it's raining,

where I'll stand there stubbornly in the rain, waiting for the bus,

even though it's a fiver to home, which is ridiculous.

'It's high time I took control of my cash,

'so I've set myself a training exercise in assertiveness.

-How much is it?

-This one is 6.99. This is 6.99.

-6.99.

-You couldn't do it for a fiver?

-No, not this one, I can't.

-Can you make it 6?

-SHE LAUGHS

No, it has to be 6.99 or I'll get into trouble.

-OK. Done.

-Sold.

-Sold.

-6.99.

-OK, let me just get you some change.

That was rubbish. Honestly.

That is actually my best effort there.

Like, I really tried.

'I may be the world's least assertive person

'when it comes to money, but for now,

'Roly and I don't fight about it,

'whereas 61% of couples do.'

'So how volatile can things get

'when one partner takes total control

'over the other one's spending?

'And what does that say about their relationship?

'I've come to King's Lynn in Norfolk

'to meet Sian, David and their three dogs.'

-Hello.

-Hiya.

-Are you Sian and David?

-Yeah.

-Nice to meet you.

-Come on in.

Thank you.

'They met in 2004 and married two years later.

'Sian took control of the purse strings from the start.'

So, Sian, you initiated the relationship?

I wanted him bad.

What was it about David that you wanted so badly?

He was Welsh and his surname was Jones.

'David's the breadwinner, and takes home

'around £28,000 a year working for the RAF.

'Sian does occasional shifts in a pharmacy,

'and rules the family finances with a rod of iron.'

This is where it begins.

'She keeps records of their outgoings

'on everything from food to the dogs.'

The pets. In 2008,

you spent £2,600 on the dogs?!

Yeah, but that doesn't include

any of the vet stuff or the insurance.

That is more than your food bill.

Yeah. That's just on treats, food, and toys.

They'll get steak and I'll get sausages.

Correct.

'Sian doesn't just dictate what David eats.

'She takes his salary and gives him back pocket money.'

We decided to set it at 50 quid a month.

50 quid a month?!

That's for everything he wants.

-50 quid a month?

-Yeah.

When they first met, David spent the weekends rally driving,

but with just 50 quid in his pocket,

the brakes have been applied to his hobby.

But Sian's perfectly happy to pay up for her pampered pooches.

They get six times as much spent on them every month.

-What's that?

-The bottom leg of a cow.

-How many are you getting?

-There's only three dogs.

-Yeah, so I'm going to get six.

-How much?

-Yeah.

-No.

-That's seven and a half minutes' worth of fun.

-Exactly. No.

It's £7.50. That's, like, less than an hour's wage. It's fine.

-But it all adds up, though.

-It doesn't matter.

-Was that the look? Is that the look you give?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, generally.

As a man who lives on £50 a month, what is £7.50 to you?

It can be quite a lot. Quite easily. She's mad.

-But you don't begrudge them it, though, really.

-No, not really.

There you go!

-DAVID LAUGHS

-They always win.

Back home, I get to see just where that £300 a month goes.

Wowee!

It is an actual room for the dogs. This is their own room.

-This is love, isn't it?

-Totally.

Maybe David could have more treats if the dogs had fewer.

Do you think 50 quid is enough? It seems very small.

I think if I was him, and I wanted to do the things that he wanted to do, then no, it wouldn't be enough.

But from my point of view, it's plenty.

What I'm hearing from that is, like, you don't care that much.

No, not particularly. I don't do a lot unless it benefits me.

If he stood up to you a bit more, would you accept that and understand that he was being fair,

or would you resist it and go in a strop and...?

I'd resist it for a very long time, and I'd strop a lot.

I know he has said no to me about getting a fourth dog, but I'll wear him down eventually.

Sian's power seems to depend on denying David things.

The less money he has access to, the more powerful she becomes.

I want to know how he feels about this.

Wow! Is this your pride and joy?

It is indeed, yeah. I do like playing on it.

There are no seats. Somebody has stolen all the seats.

One of the many things to buy on the car.

So, do you spend a lot of time working on your car?

I have done, not so much at the moment,

cos I'm just trying to get the cash together to be able to finish off,

cos the last few bits are expensive debts.

Do you agree with Sian's distribution of the money?

Do you think that the dogs should have so many toys and snacks and grooming?

No, they're dogs, at the end of the day. They don't need so much.

But she sees them as kids.

-Does it in any way annoy you?

-No, not really.

Because just the way I was brought up is the man is the one that goes out and works,

and the woman is the one who looks after the home.

-Thanks much, guys.

-See you.

-See you later, bye.

-See you soon.

Well, I've definitely been left with little doubt as to who rules that roost.

It's definitely not a relationship dynamic I could cope with.

For me to feel happy, I really need for the power and the money to feel equal.

Now I want to find out just how that inequality

affects their relationship.

-Hello.

-Nice to see you. Yeah, nice to see you, you all right?

Take a pew. Do you think that you respect David?

Erm... I do respect you.

Nice. Nice to hear.

Do you respect Sian?

-Yeah. Definitely.

-Cos I'm always right.

-Not always.

-Yes, I am.

-No, you're not.

QUIETLY: Yes, I am.

It's interesting that you definitely paused quite a lot

when I asked you that question, whereas he...

-Yeah. It's complicated, isn't it?

-No.

-Relationships are complicated.

-No, it's not complicated, is it?

You say you respect David,

do you think that's definitely reflected in how you deal with your family finances?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Because you have said to me that you know that he would like, and needs,

and could have more money for his hobbies,

but it doesn't benefit you, so you're not going to do it.

Yeah. SHE GIGGLES

But that says to me that you don't massively respect David.

I can just see ten years in the future, all the money he ploughs into that

is not going to get him anywhere, so I think why bother?

-But it makes him happy.

-Yeah.

-So does a cup of tea.

But, all of the money that you're ploughing into the dogs,

it's not going to get you anywhere, but it makes you happy. £300 a month.

It'll get me a place in heaven, I reckon.

So, you're happy for the dogs to have more than treble...

No, I always tell her to spend less, always tell her, but she just says tough.

So you're ultimately not happy about the situation, but don't want to change it?

Yeah, pretty much.

I'd rather just leave it as it is, cos it's happy where we are.

If I try and change it, she'll get angry and just start turning on me.

So you're just putting up with a situation you're not happy with,

because to change it would make you less happy?

-Yeah.

-How does it feel to hear that?

-I think it's tough.

Do you love that control, that you're withholding that money from him?

-Does that make you happy?

-Yes, of course I do! I'm a control freak.

For Sian, there's no doubt that money equals control,

and while her attitude is pretty out there,

I could definitely do with some of her assertiveness when it comes to my own money issues.

So, I've signed up for a crash course in domination

from three women who simply must be obeyed.

-Mistress Absolute.

-Mistress Absolute.

-Good to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Mistress Jezebel.

-Mistress Jezebel.

-Mistress Bitchin'.

-Mistress Bitchin'.

All three of them are professional dominatrixes,

which means that men pay them to be treated like slaves.

Can you tell me a little bit about what you do?

It can be from very mild domination, so, somebody who wants to come

and just do my cleaning or be led around on a collar and leash,

through to some hard-core sadomasochistic stuff.

Your eyes just keep getting wider and wider. LAUGHTER

The only limit is your imagination, as far as what you can do, really.

-I do financial domination.

-What do you mean, you're a financial dominatrix?

I just get slaves that particularly want to worship a particular body part

or a personality,

and they throw money at her via PayPal, Amazon wish list, eBay, all sorts.

-So, you just get guys to give you money?

-Pretty much.

-What?

I can't quite believe my ears.

So, Mistress Bitchin' has volunteered to show me

how she manages to part men from their money...

-Show me the ways.

-Show me the goods.

..without even setting foot outside her house.

One particular slave I had spent a grand within half an hour,

and all he wanted me to do was clap my hands.

Every time I clapped my hands on the webcam, he would punch himself

in the downstairs region, and tipped me 25 every time, as well.

You can tip 25, 50, or 100.

And if I was being a particular bitch I would be like, "Am I only worth 25?"

And he'd be like, "Sorry, Mistress, 50."

And I'd be like, "Really? 50?" 100.

-And he loves that?

-He loves it.

-So, the meaner you are...

He wants me to say "denied" all the time.

I'll be like, "Do you want me to get my boobs out?"

And he'll be like, "yes, Mistress." Tips me 50. I'm like, "Denied." Loves it.

Then he'll tip again and again and again until the money's run out.

-He was addicted, yes. Still around.

-What does he get out of it?

Just...knowing that I've got his money, I think.

There's also blackmail, I don't know if you've heard of that one.

So if they want to get into a regular...

"Oh, Mistress Bitchin', I want to give you 50 quid a week," just say.

If they miss a payment, then I have the right to threaten them

and say, "Well, I'll e-mail all your work colleagues and show them the pictures you've sent me,"

and then they get off on the fact that you're going to scare them, basically,

into giving you more money.

So they set a situation up where they can be blackmailed...

-That's it.

-..and that turns them on?

-That's it.

I can't help wondering what kind of man willingly pays £200 an hour

to be humiliated, but I'm about to find out.

I've come to meet Mistress Jezebel and Mistress Absolute.

They are going to teach me how to be a dominatrix in their dungeon.

It's in a top-secret location. I can say it is in central London,

but otherwise it's all very hush-hush.

-Morning.

-Hi!

Wow! Wow! Holy moly! You look amazing, you two.

We got some stuff for you up here, as well.

Oh, God. I don't know if I'm going to get into that.

# Feels so good being bad... #

After a lot of pushing and squeezing, the costume fits,

but my personality definitely doesn't.

And I'm about to meet my very first slave.

-Hiya! How are you?

-LAUGHTER

Perhaps not the best way to dominate. "Hi!" LAUGHTER

-No, you don't!

-No, no, no!

-Let's put you into the throne, here.

-Amazing!

-OK? Here we go.

-So, what would you do first? And I'll follow your lead

-LAUGHTER

-Like the true dom you are.

-Yeah! I'll just submit to you, basically!

OK, first of all I would ask him to kiss my feet,

just as a kind of greeting.

Kiss my feet, slave.

Yeah. Thanks.

No! "Thanks"! Never say thank you!

He should be saying thank you for you allowing him to kiss your feet.

-Yeah.

-Do it again.

-Kiss my feet, slave.

And again.

-SLAVE:

-Thank you, Mistress.

-Yes.

-Excellent.

I like to put people at their ease, but this is about treating 'em mean.

And now I have to come up with my own fantasy scenario.

You are in so much trouble for shoplifting.

You're going to be in prison for, like, 24 hours,

and I'm not going to feed you anything.

And then, I might just not let you watch telly for a whole day.

Not a natural-born dominatrix, but I'm told that my next slave is prepared to talk,

after I've humiliated him, of course.

Help me, help me, help me, help me.

I'm sitting here in a latex catsuit, and I've got a lead.

This is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life.

(I'm really nervous.)

SHE SIGHS

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

I wasn't expecting that!

Ugh!

He's very friendly. You can pet him.

The last thing I was expecting to walk through that door was a horse.

Still, at least I know what's expected of me in this scenario.

STEPTOE AND SON THEME PLAYS

Are you comfortable?

Get off my foot!

Now, I want you to rock back and forth. Yep. Exactly.

Oh, my God!

This is the most insane thing I've ever done in my life.

I'm riding a man dressed as a horse.

Neigh!

MAN NEIGHS

Neigh again!

MAN NEIGHS

Now, I want you to turn around in a circle.

Forward, forward, forward, forward.

And then right.

-Left or right?

-Left, left, left! I mean left.

That's enough of this game.

OK. Wooh! Bouncy!

Good Muffin.

Give him a bit of a pet.

That was quite good. Well done. Good. Good horsey.

With the horseplay out of the way,

I want to meet the man behind the mask and understand why the idea of being used is such a potent one.

So, little Muffin...

Yes, Mistress.

You pay women to treat you quite badly.

Er, yes. I like to have the experience of passing power

to my female partner.

-Why?

-Erm, I'm very much in control in my own life.

Both financially and workwise.

I find it's a bit of a release.

Do you feel it's worth the money?

It's £200 an hour.

It's expensive. It's like the same amount a lawyer would get.

The role of a dominatrix is very much a specialist one.

She has the genuine desire to control.

I know it's not just someone acting out a role

but really enjoying it and getting their own gratification

from me by using me.

And that that gives me pleasure.

When you're in a relationship, do you tell them this is what you do?

Not normally, no. In fact, never.

Never when I'm in a relationship.

I realise it's a bit strange.

Especially if I'm wearing this mask!

Why not take up golf?

I do play golf!

I have a very full life.

This is a little eccentricity. It's doing no-one any harm.

I enjoy it. The doms seem to enjoy it.

I think it's a win-win situation.

Until now, I'd assumed that the power in the mistress/slave relationship lies with

the dominatrix.

Thank you.

But now I'm not so sure.

Back in the real world, I'm revisiting Colin and Ania,

who've had some encouraging news.

-Hello! Come on in!

-Nice to see you again.

Three years and over 600 job applications down the line,

Colin has a job interview, his first in four months.

So today is interview day. How are you feeling?

Nervous. Don't want it to happen.

What will it mean for you if he gets this job?

If he gets this job? I don't know. I'm not thinking that far!

It's too scary to even think about it.

I have done that before and it was the disappointment afterwards.

Just talking about it gives me that sickness feeling.

I know how much this job means to the family.

The atmosphere is tense and everyone is on edge,

particularly Colin.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hi.

-Hello.

-Can I come in for a few minutes?

-Yes.

-How have things been in the last week in your family?

Erm, tense.

The boys are telling me that I've been cross with them a lot more.

And I try to explain it's because I feel stressed about the interview

and how important it is and how important it is for our future.

I'm rooting for you.

There's a lot on your shoulders.

It is.

On the way to the interview, there's little room for small talk.

-Good luck. Break...your tongue.

-Will do. Thank you.

-All the best.

HE INHALES AND EXHALES

-See you.

-See you.

-I feel sick for him.

-I feel sick for him. I feel really sick for him.

-Shall we go for a walk?

-Yes.

Let's try and distract ourselves.

-Is that going to be the longest hour ever?

-Yeah!

I can't help wondering why Ania, who has two degrees,

isn't also job hunting to take some of the pressure off Colin.

Why has it been so hard for you to find work?

My fault. I was at home with my children

and never had a career and now when I'm ready to go back to work and wanting to work

it's frustrating because nobody is giving me the jobs.

Nobody knows how much I can give.

What about work just for some cash? Just for...

I tried that. I tried cleaning jobs.

They said I had no experience! Seriously!

I said, "I clean every week my house. I've got pretty good experience in that one!"

But I never worked as a cleaner so, "No, sorry. Thank you."

Or I'm over-qualified.

Everything rests on this interview.

It's not just their house that's on the line, it's also their marriage and their future as a family.

An hour later, the interview is over.

How was that, Colin?

OK.

I don't think I... I don't know.

I don't know.

I...

The doubting side of me is saying, "Don't think I did a great job."

If doubt says no,

then I know how you're gonna be.

I'm dreading to face that.

It's an anxious time for the whole family.

All they can do is sit and wait.

Three weeks later, Ania and Colin are back to see me.

I'm on tenterhooks as I wait to hear their news.

I have to ask. Did you get the job?

No, I didn't.

CHERRY SIGHS

No, I didn't. There was one internal candidate.

And, hey presto, the internal candidate got the job.

It was made a little bit softer because the agent got excited

about me as a candidate

and put me forward for another couple of jobs.

So I got an interview out of that one.

But I didn't get that one either.

How was the fallout after finding that out?

We had a very bad weekend.

-That weekend...

-How did that go?

What, the weekend? It ended up with Ania asking me to leave.

That bad.

Ania, what happened?

ANIA SIGHS

Erm...yeah.

We just has a massive fight.

I said, "I can't do this any more. I just can't because it's just, it's just killing me."

I'm not blaming him for it but it's that sort of

when he just falls apart, I cannot handle.

I cannot hold everything up.

I'm holding the boys up and I've got to hold him up as well.

How are you feeling today as a couple?

COLIN LAUGHS

Ladies first!

I mean, I still love Colin, it's just that I hate the tension.

Just... I just find it extremely...hard

that we're spending 24/7 together and sometimes you want to breathe

and sometimes you want to change the place, change anything,

anything, anything, I just want anything to change. Whatever.

Just change something.

When I spent time with you, there was a situation with your house,

where you were concerned that if you didn't get a job soon,

it would be taken away.

What's the update on that?

The mortgage company gave us

erm, three months' allowance not to pay the mortgage.

And then they would review it again. About three months is coming to an end next month.

-OK.

-We'll see. We'll see.

OK. So you won't necessarily lose your house.

-But they will review it.

-Not immediately, no.

We'll fight. We're fighters. That's probably why we're still here.

-I just hope something changes for you guys.

-Thank you.

I think what I've learned from meeting the Timpsons

is that money can't buy you happiness

but it can buy you a bit of control, a few options

and a bit of peace of mind.

That's something the Timpsons don't have right now.

So how does money affect love?

Whilst it's true that love is free,

money still has the power to make or break a relationship.

Perhaps that's because it's so difficult

to talk openly about.

What I've learned is that nothing has the potential

to create resentment in a relationship faster than money.

Whether there's not enough or too much,

or whether it's unevenly distributed,

I think that's why I'm so obsessed with financial fairness.

Not so obsessed, though, that I'm prepared to give up my clothes-shopping habit.

# And all I've said is true

# I can feel the love can you feel it too

# I can feel it all round

# I can feel it all round

# And all I said is true

# I can feel the love can you feel it too

# I can feel it all round

# I can feel it all round

# Oh, oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh

# No, no, no... #