Making It Last How Sex Works

For many people, moving into a long-term relationship

marks a massive change in their sexual lives.

I didn't really want to have a proper, serious boyfriend.

Yeah, I was fighting with it for ages, really.

This is a film about what happens to our bodies and brains

as we journey into long-term love.

I'm doing something I shouldn't,

but it's OK, I'm getting away with it.

It gives me a thrill.

With access to cutting-edge science and computer graphics,

we explore the sexual challenges we face as we get older.

Totally feel like a failure, as if you're not a man, basically,

you're a wimp, you can't perform.

And we follow couples as they experience

the miracle sex can bring for the first time.

Better than any drug I've ever took before, I'll tell you that.

Unbelievable stuff.

It can be a roller coaster of emotions...

To think we would give anything to have a baby

and we've got so many obstacles.

..and can change our lives when we least expect it.

I don't know if I am ready for children yet,

and I feel maybe a bit under pressure now.

Through the highs and lows, this is the inside story of how sex works.

It's beautiful.

I think that's the best way to describe it, it's just beautiful.

This programme contains adult themes and frank portrayals

In Portsmouth, 28-year-old Carl and 27-year-old April

met while working at the same insurance company.

Get off!

They've been together almost two years

and are expecting their first baby in just a few weeks.

I used to see her across the office,

trying to pluck up the courage to ask her out.

I said to the girl sitting next to me,

"That loud Irish guy across the room's just asked me out on a date."

And I was like, "I'm going to pretend I haven't heard it!"

We'd sort of walk to work together.

It was a really good friendship, almost,

that turned into a full-on relationship.

I didn't really want to have a proper, serious boyfriend

and, yeah, I was kind of fighting with it for ages, really.

Being in a couple has been a big change for Carl, as well.

I used to always think that life was all about live for the weekends.

I used to go out doing the things that a young person would do,

and I would just take it to the extreme,

there'd be a line and I would always cross that line.

I've done everything that a person needs to do, know what I mean?

I've travelled, I've had the good experiences and the bad.

I've kind of been to the gutter and back

and I'm ready to settle down, you know?

Like most couples in the first throes of a relationship,

sex for Carl and April became very important.

When it started off it wasn't as if we were mad at it,

but when we realised how much we actually felt for each other...

Put it this way, we made up for lost time.

-We had a good Valentine's Day, didn't we?

-Yeah!

Yeah, I'm sure it was a record there somewhere.

First sex in a new relationship can be an intoxicating experience

as the brain fires off hormones

that can trigger feelings of euphoria and excitement.

But as a relationship develops and lovers become more committed,

other chemicals start to take on a more prominent role during sex.

As couples in long-term love have sex,

their brains release the hormone oxytocin into the bloodstream.

This hormone promotes feelings of affection, contentment and attachment.

And the more sex couples have, the stronger these bonds can become.

In regards to intense love and all that,

I think it's had different stages.

It's been intense and it's settled down, you know,

then I think both of us have realised that

we've kinda got really comfortable.

I wouldn't want it any other way.

Who knows, maybe marriage is around the corner.

But don't tell April that!

HE LAUGHS

The average age for getting married is nearly 30 for women

and just over 32 for men.

33-year-old Julie is a health professional,

but she's in no hurry to find a partner.

Well, I've been single for 18 months now,

and in my circle of friends, a lot of them are in relationships

or they're married and settled down.

I do like being single.

I do like the freedom I have to do what I want, when I want.

I have had a few dates, um, some have gone well, some haven't.

My friends want me to go on internet dating -

I'm not too sure about that.

So, I haven't met the right one yet,

which is fine, I know a lot of people haven't,

but I'm not settling for second best, absolutely no way.

Although happy in her situation, Julie's aware single women

can be under pressure to choose between their career and settling down.

I think it's hard for women to have everything in life,

your career, your children and being able to maintain a marriage,

and that's why some people are referred to as superwomen who can do everything.

Back in the '50's, people were settling down in their mid-20s.

But, in 1961, the contraceptive pill was introduced,

marking the start of the sexual revolution for women.

The pill gave women an easy and reliable method

to control when they had babies,

and many delayed motherhood to pursue their careers.

Over the last 20 years, the number of women

having their first child over 40 has tripled.

Tonight, Julie's off out with the girls.

-Hello!

-Hiya!

-How are you?

You look lovely, you all right?

All right, what was it for drinks, girls?

Julie's best mate, Hayley, is 42 and is expecting her first child.

In medicine she's classified as a geriatric mother,

ie, old mother, which is what they say.

But that's fine because I also want to be a geriatric mother.

There's nothing wrong with being a geriatric mother.

I do pregnancy yoga, and I go round the room and think,

"She's about my age, she's older than me..."

You go round and do this number game in your head.

'I think at the moment my career is more important than having children,

'meeting 'the one', if there is 'the one'.'

Ideally I would like to have the family unit, of course,

but if it didn't turn out to be that way

then I might look at other options.

Deciding when to settle down can be a complex decision,

but even when we take the plunge,

sex doesn't necessarily become more straightforward.

Alan is a 35-year-old taxi driver from Glasgow

who got married in 2004.

When I was with my wife the first few years I'd a great sex life,

fathered two children, I've got two beautiful kids.

After my kids were born, that's when it went kind of pear-shaped.

Basically, halfway through sex I could feel myself,

my penis basically getting softer and softer

until such time as it was no use.

While many men occasionally have problems getting an erection

after drinking or taking drugs, it's estimated 10% of men under 35

suffer from a medical condition called erectile dysfunction.

This means they're regularly unable

to get or maintain an erection during sex.

Psychologically, it knocks your confidence very badly.

It's a lot of emotions, a lot of feelings inside,

that, "I'm a man here and I can't perform,

"I've got this thing hanging here and it just doesn't work."

There are many reasons why men have problems getting an erection.

For some, the cause can be physical

as the narrowing of arteries impedes blood flow into the penis.

But for 90% of young men, psychological factors are to blame.

Hormones generated by stress and anxiety

override the chemical signals produced to trigger an erection.

This diminishes the rush of blood into the penis,

preventing an erection.

Whatever the cause,

erectile dysfunction can have a huge impact on a man's life.

You feel like a failure, totally feel like a failure,

as if you're not a man, basically, you're a wimp, you can't perform.

It got to the stage where I didn't want to have sex,

I didn't want to do it.

Alan's doctor prescribed Viagra to treat his problem.

The accidental discovery of Viagra in 1997

transformed the sex lives of many men.

Scientists were testing a new drug for heart disease

when patients started to experience some interesting side effects -

they were all having erections.

Researchers discovered it relaxed blood vessels entering the penis,

allowing more blood to flow in, producing an erection.

There are now other pills on the market that can cure impotence,

and they've been prescribed to more than 35 million men worldwide.

Although Viagra enabled Alan to get an erection,

he did not see this as a long-term solution to his problem.

I sat down and had a reality check and said,

"Do I really want to take pills for the rest of my life?

"Having to rely on a tablet to get an erection?"

The answer was no.

In the meantime I'd done some research on the internet

about erectile dysfunction and how it can be cured

and that's when it came to light about the hydraulic pump that was available.

Alan underwent surgery to have a penile implant put in.

Silicon rods inserted in the tissues of his penis are attached

to a small pump inside his scrotum.

Before sex, Alan manually squeezes the pump which causes fluids

stored in a small sac to fill the rods inside his penis.

As the fluid builds up, it causes an erection.

To return his penis to a flaccid state Alan releases a valve

which sends the fluid back into the small sac.

Having the pump fitted changed my life dramatically,

knowing you've the erection you want, the erection you need,

knowing you're not going to fail during sex,

because I actually inflate and deflate it,

so I can have an erection for five minutes or five hours.

It's however long I want it.

Although no longer with his wife, Alan's implant allows him

to once again enjoy a full and satisfying sex life.

You still get excited inside, you get tingly inside,

your hormones do overtime, but now I've got the pump fitted

and I can have sex whenever I want - it's like sex on tap, basically,

a few pumps and you're ready to go!

In Portsmouth, Carl and April's relationship

is about to be transformed with the arrival of their baby.

Feels good to be out, doesn't it?

Yeah, feels like ages.

It's just the fact that in the next couple of weeks

there's going to be a little kid in my arms.

It's just unbelievable, so it is.

By starting a family, Carl and April's sexual lives

have arrived at the ultimate purpose for sex - reproduction.

And although couples having babies is commonplace,

the actual journey to conception is more perilous than we might think.

At the climax of sex, the man ejaculates

and millions of sperm flood into the vagina.

But this is an acid environment and most are killed instantly.

Only 10,000 or so make it through the cervix,

and here they come under attack from the woman's immune system.

Around 1,000 make it to the safety of the fallopian tubes.

Here they can survive in a woman's body for a few days.

Each month, an egg is released from the woman's ovaries

and sends out a chemical signal to attract the remaining sperm towards it.

Of the millions that began this journey,

only about ten will find the egg.

But just one will eventually fertilise it and a new life begins.

The baby moves quite a lot.

I get a few little kicks or even hiccups, actually.

Sometimes I've put like a remote control or something on there

just to see how much, and the baby's kicked it off before.

It's stopped now.

The success of any conception

relies partly on the quality of a man's sperm.

At the University of Birmingham, Jackson Kirkman-Brown

has recruited five students to take part in an ongoing study

to try and better understand what qualities make a good sperm.

What we are going to do today is have a look at your individual

semen samples and then do a little race.

So the idea of the race is it mimics what sperm have to do

inside the female tract.

We are going to look at the qualities they have to have

to get from the vagina to the egg and be able to fertilise it.

Some studies suggest that over the years the quantity

and quality of men's sperm has been on the decline.

Probably the most important thing,

if you're a sperm and you want to fertilise the egg, is how you swim.

So, what we're going to do today in our sperm race is look at how many

get to a certain distance, and also how far the furthest sperm can swim.

The lads are about to give their samples.

Studying how sperm perform will help diagnose fertility

problems in men and inform further research into new treatments.

Sperm is produced in the testicles.

Inside hundreds of microscopic tubes half a mile long,

a thousand sperm are produced every heart beat.

These young sperm then migrate to a holding bank,

where they mature and are stored ready for ejaculation.

As a man becomes sexually excited, the brain sends electrical

signals down the spinal cord telling the muscles around the blood

vessels leading to the penis to relax.

Blood flows rapidly into the penis and this increased pressure

causes an erection.

As men get more aroused, fluids carrying

the microscopic sperm begin their journey into the penis.

At the moment of orgasm muscles contract,

propelling the fluid packed with millions of sperm out of the penis.

Jackson and his team will analyse each of the sperm samples,

measure how many are in each lads' ejaculate

and more importantly, how fast the sperm can swim.

He has some earlier samples that show the kind of attributes

they will be looking for.

If we look at sperm and how they are swimming, here

we can see a lot of sperm swimming very fast and very vigorously.

In a normal man, only around 10% or less of his sperm will be

perfect and that is have the right motility,

good genetic information and the right shape to be able

to reach the egg and fertilise it.

In the university bar, the five lads are about to find out

how their own sperm performed.

You've had a bit of time away while we've done the processing in the lab and I've got

a clipboard with some results and some data to have a look at.

Are people feeling a bit more nervous now?

A little bit!

Beginning to get a bit edgy now.

So first of all we have some data which is

just on the neat semen samples.

What you can see is everyone has different amounts of sperm

moving around.

A normal fertile guy will have somewhere over 20 million

sperm in his ejaculate.

Today when we have looked at your samples,

everyone is above that, so everyone is in the fertile range.

But we have got quite a big range of results so we have

gone from, in the region of 45/46 million sperm, to one of you having

in the region of one billion, 500 million sperm in the ejaculate.

Tom is our hero with over a billion sperm in his ejaculate.

Did you realise you were a billionaire this morning?

I always felt there was something special about me!

It's nice to know there are a lot of guys in there.

Is it something you will now tell your friends about?

I will now, yeah!

All the lads here have a healthy count

but in the UK, one in five men under 25 produce abnormal sperm counts.

A lot of men feel sperm count relates to their manhood

and have a concept that perhaps a high sperm count makes them more of a man.

Maybe some of the men that we think are the most manly

actually have quite low sperm counts and certainly from looking at

somebody you can't tell what their sperm count is going to be like.

Around one in 50 men probably don't have any sperm

at all in their ejaculate.

Now the moment the lads have all been waiting for.

The all-important results of the race.

The final thing we looked at was which sperm got the furthest fastest.

Out of the millions produced, it was this one sperm

that made it past the finishing line first.

-And we have Tyler as a winner.

-Unbelievable.

And you would have that first sperm would have the best

chance of fertilising the egg.

So in this test that we have run today,

and the results might be totally different on another day,

then Tyler would have been the winner at that.

Sperm quantity can be affected by factors like stress or illness

but this may only be temporary.

Some men may always have a low count.

So what are peoples feelings around this?

Thrilled!

Pretty over the moon about it.

It's always been... Not a worry but at the back of my head,

would I be all right if I wanted to have kids so... Apparently so...

I think I'm on the right track.

I was a little disappointed I didn't win!

I had my fingers crossed, but as long as it's OK I'm not too bothered.

Although sperm quality does decline with age, men have been known

to father children into their 90s.

But it's a different story for women.

On the Isle of Wight, 26-year-old Alison's dreams of getting

married and starting a family were dealt a blow

when she made a dramatic discovery about her own fertility.

I was tired every single day because I was going to work,

getting home for about six and I just wanted to go

to sleep all the time.

I gained quite lot of weight then.

Then I went to visit my mum and she said you should go

to the doctors and they ran quite a few tests and they said

I think you have gone through the menopause.

Menopause is the end of a woman's fertile years.

While men can produce sperm until the day they die,

women are born with all the eggs they will ever have

and these are stored in their ovaries.

Here, hundreds of thousands of microscopic follicles contain

immature eggs which could one day begin a new life.

Each month, chemical messages in the brain kick start

the menstrual cycle.

Hormones race through the bloodstream and into the ovaries

where they trigger about 20 of the follicles to mature into eggs.

Only the strongest of these will survive

and the others die off quickly.

This egg is released from the ovary

and begins its journey into the fallopian tube.

If the egg is not fertilised, it too will die and along with

the lining of the womb, is shed through the vagina as a period.

For most women, this process ends when they are in their 50s,

but for Alison this happened much earlier.

At the time I was 22 and I thought,

that can't be right, I can't have the menopause at 22.

Alison is one in 1,000 women who suffer from premature menopause.

This means she will never be able to conceive a child.

The biggest thing was I felt that I wasn't a woman and any right

I'd had to having children was... There was nothing there any more.

I felt...like no-one would ever...

And this sounds silly but no-one would ever love me because I wasn't a woman.

In 2008, Alison started dating 34-year-old hotel manager Kevin

and was worried about how he would react to her condition.

I was nervous anyway just like any new relationship.

I was panicking about everything.

It was quite early on when you told me.

Yes, I think it was the first couple of days.

Thought I'd throw you in the deep end.

It was quite early...

I wasn't really thinking kids and marriage at that stage.

I wasn't dating her to have children straight away but dating her

because of her and how I felt about her.

As Alison and Kevin's relationship developed, their desire to

start a family began to put a huge strain on both of them.

I think that point was about the lowest I had ever

felt about what has been wrong

and the realisation that I won't have a child

and it won't ever be mine and I've met the person I love and want

to be with and all you want to have is to have yours and his child.

But there is hope. With no chance of conceiving naturally, Alison

and Kevin have started IVF treatment.

In a few days' time, doctors will fertilise an egg from a donor

with Kevin's sperm and implant the embryo into Alison's womb.

It'll be a tight squeeze.

Pregnancy can have a huge impact on a couple's relationship,

and for Carl and April it's had a big effect on their sex life.

My sex drive definitely went up for a while

but the last couple of months

I don't feel interested.

I feel a bit frumpy, I feel a bit heavy

and don't feel very sexy.

Many pregnant women experience huge changes in their sex drive.

The surge of hormones during pregnancy can increase blood flow

to the pelvic area and enhance vaginal lubrication.

These can both make sex more enjoyable.

But April's changing body shape is also having an impact.

I'm scared of hurting the baby or hurting April

and when you have to think about those things,

it's hard to get in the mood.

It's been about six weeks now, the last time we had sex.

It was for your birthday!

Yeah, for my birthday.

She was on top and she slipped.

I could feel the bump hit me in the stomach.

It was like proper freaked me out.

And that's what I was kinda thinking.

The bump gets some impact and it will have some effect on the baby.

You are limited to what you can do.

It takes the fun out of it a little bit.

I'll put this on here.

But it's not just women who suffer these changes.

Studies suggest that levels of the sex hormone testosterone

drop in men around the birth of their child.

And there's a theory this could be to discourage them

from straying and help them bond with their new baby.

Ah, that looks really nice.

Does, doesn't it?

Single girl Julie feels she has a lot to achieve

before she starts trying for a family.

I am career driven and it is about me at the moment.

I'm currently doing exams and assignments

and essays to get further in my career

and on top of that, I may consider going to university again.

I want to do so much. I might want to go travelling.

But the longer women wait,

the harder it becomes to conceive and at 33, Julie is aware

her body clock is ticking.

Today she is travelling to London for a test which will help

determine how many fertile years she has left.

Yes, I would love children one day but if I could wait ten years,

I would love to wait another ten years to have them.

Someone once said to me, "Oh, you'll change."

But that is how I feel at the moment but it

will be nice to know that I have that time to wait and to do those

things that I want to do, because once you have children that is it.

Or so they say!

The first part of the test is to check Julie's ovaries

with an ultrasound.

This can help the doctors see how many egg-producing follicles are maturing.

A strong indicator of her fertility.

The number of follicles a woman has declines with age.

And when she hits her mid-30s, these start to die off

at a more rapid pace.

By the time she's 40, a woman will only have around 3% of her

original reserve left, making it more difficult to get pregnant.

Julie, what you see on the screen here, that is your uterus.

We do see five good follicles on one ovary and we'll go over to

the next ovary and we have been able to see another five follicles.

How many should it be for someone my age?

Five is an adequate number.

Today, advances in science are helping women extend their fertile years.

Egg freezing is an option for women who want to put off

their fertility for when they are ready.

IVF can help them, can support them, but there can be no assurance

that after undergoing the treatment they will definitely have a baby.

Julie is also having a blood test to measure the level of key

hormones which can also gauge if her egg supply is running low.

Together, the scan and blood test results will tell her

if she needs to fast track her plans to start a family.

I'm 33. I think I'm in the safe zone.

And I'll see what nature says.

If I have to freeze my eggs or have IVF, then so be it.

In 1978, IVF technology allowed Louise Brown,

the world's first test tube baby, to be born in the UK.

The scientific breakthrough

is heralded as a landmark in reproductive medicine.

Since then, over three million IVF babies have been born worldwide.

I don't feel special but I know that my birth

has helped thousands of people, and that's the main thing.

26-year-old Alison is undergoing IVF treatment

as she is unable to conceive a baby.

For the last six weeks she has been injecting hormones

to prepare her body for a possible pregnancy.

The physical and emotional strain of IVF

has put pressure on her relationship with husband Kevin.

Although I know, emotionally, Kev has been going through it as well

I have to put up with the emotional side

and all this medication, injections and God knows what,

which were giving me all these sort of hormones I wasn't really used to.

So it's trying to get used to that.

Not been easy but I know it has been harder for Ali than for me

so whenever I have felt sorry for myself.

cos she has been a bit emotional I just remind myself

what she has had to go through the past few years

and what she's going through at the moment.

Alison is going to use an egg from a donor

which will be fertilised by Kevin's sperm.

The couple has just received the news

the donor eggs are ready for collection.

If all goes to plan, Alison could be pregnant in just a few weeks' time.

I think this is the first time I have felt nervous,

now it's finally here.

It's breathtaking, really.

Scary, a little bit.

Yeah.

It's not like I'm scared about it, it's just so exciting.

You've been through a lot, haven't you?

I don't mind if it doesn't go any further. Just this whole thought of getting this far

and having that opportunity that everyone else would.

That's just...

It makes me feel a bit more normal again,

but, hey, it'll be brilliant.

One in six couples in the UK have difficulty conceiving

and finding a donor for IVF treatment is not always easy.

Alison's donor is Lisa and they are cousins.

Their mums had been hatching a plan to get the two of them talking.

So my mum tells me that your mum tells me her

that you are OK with letting me maybe have your eggs.

I am really sorry if I have overstepped the line here but is it true?

To me, I think, because we're related,

I think that makes it easier. It makes it easier for me,

because I just see it as an extended family member.

It just makes it...

I personally couldn't do it for somebody I didn't know,

or wasn't related to because I would find that very difficult.

We can give them the true science behind it - this is what happened.

Auntie Lisa did such a special thing to make our baby happen.

It's just going to be magical. Yeah...

It's going to be brilliant. I can't wait.

Lisa is about to undergo a procedure to have her eggs collected.

She has also been taking hormones to artificially stimulate the follicles in her ovaries

so she can produce more eggs to give to Alison.

I am so excited for Alison.

I just so want this to go well for her

and just fingers crossed that it all works out,

and we're still smiling in a few weeks' time.

IVF can cost up to £4000 per attempt

and Alison and Kevin fought hard to get their one treatment through the NHS.

Today, everything is at stake.

Bit nervous but OK. Excited.

Consultant Julian Norman-Taylor is highly experienced

but at every stage of IVF he can never be sure how successful the procedure will be.

Very occasionally there are no eggs at all

but hopefully today we will find plenty of good nice ones.

It's an anxious wait for Alison and Kevin.

I feel really sick with nerves

and probably more nervous today than excited.

I come from quite a large family. My sisters have got children.

It's always been something that I've wanted.

I can't imagine anyone not wanting a family, really.

Egg retrieval is a delicate procedure.

Under anaesthetic, a hollow needle attached to an ultrasound probe

is guided to Lisa's ovaries.

We are now in the left ovary

and going to put the needle gently through.

So we can move the needle - just jiggling it now.

That's in the follicular fluid, sucking the fluid up.

And that's now in a test tube.

This test tube is immediately passed to the embryologist for examination.

It's only now they will discover whether fluid extracted from Lisa's follicles contains an egg.

Egg!

So we have an egg and it's always a relief to get your first one

and the embryologist is now putting that into some culture medium

and into a nice warm incubator to keep the egg happy.

There's no guarantee an egg will fertilise

so the more that are collected, the greater the chance of a successful pregnancy.

Egg!

Egg!

So Clarissa is saying egg quite a lot, so that's a reassuring sound for me.

You nervous? I'm nervous.

Alison and Kevin are about to find out how many eggs they will have.

-Hiya.

-You been for a walkabout?

-Good news? Bad news?

-Do you want to know the magic number?

-Go on.

They got nine. So that is good, isn't it? You pleased with that?

-Yeah.

-They wrote it on my hand.

-Thank you so, so much.

-That's all right.

Just three hours after the operation

the moment of fertilisation takes place.

We are going to look at all the sperm in the dish

and there is an ideal shape to the sperm.

so we are going to select out the best.

The one that looks most like that ideal.

Kevin's sperm is now being inserted into the eggs collected from Lisa.

It is now up to nature.

If fertilisation is successful,

a single cell will begin to multiply and a new life will begin.

Alison and Kevin will have to wait two more days

until they find out which embryo,

if any, are healthy enough to be transplanted into her womb.

How do you say thank you to someone for something that big?

It's just...so beyond anything you can ask of anyone,

how do you show how grateful you are?

In Portsmouth, April is also excited by the idea of starting a family.

But since becoming pregnant, her body has been going through enormous physical changes.

Almost half of women suffer from morning sickness in the first 14 weeks of their pregnancy.

Oh, my God, that's so cute.

I was sick for the first three months

and then these past couple of months I have just been aching

and not had as much energy as I used to.

Soon after conception,

April's body was flooded with huge amounts of hormones

triggering an increase of blood to her womb.

This helped nourish the embryo and it's developing placenta.

As the pregnancy developed,

other hormones relaxed the muscles in April's womb,

making room for her growing baby.

They also prepared the breasts for the production and release of milk.

This surge of hormones,

some released at more than 100 times their normal levels,

are crucial for the baby's development.

But the massive hormonal changes going on inside pregnant women

can also effect their emotions and sometimes make their partners feel isolated.

People do talk about the hormones and all that stuff with pregnancy

and I could never have expected what was going to come with that.

There's times she's burst into tears

and tells me, "I know I shouldn't be crying but I can't help myself."

I just was completely helpless. Couldn't do anything about it.

I know it's hard for men because they are not carrying the child,

they're not feeling every movement,

but I almost felt Carl was not in the pregnancy with me.

I kind of felt a little bit alone.

I was getting quite excited. I was saying to Carl...

"Our baby can blink now. Our baby can do this now."

Carl wasn't very interested, let's say,

which made me feel quite upset.

My biggest downfall was that I didn't really communicate to her

how I was feeling cos I wanted to be strong for her.

Then the time would come when I would have to be honest with her

and tell her that I am scared. And, at the end of the day,

what boyfriend wants to tell their girlfriend that they're scared?

To feel more involved in the pregnancy,

Carl is off to Daddynatal in London - an expectant Dads' class

that helps men deal with their anxieties about becoming a father.

What we are going to do is to run through your role during labour,

working through how you can best support your partner.

I do definitely think it is difficult for dads.

I have tried my best to read some literature while I am in the bath

and I just don't identity with it.

so read a couple of lines, close it and then throw it across the room.

And that's my main motivation for coming here tonight -

to speak to other men and see what they are going through.

The fears you have - especially if she's relying on you to a certain extent -

and you don't want to put those fears onto her when she has her own...

She has her own fears and the things she is worrying about.

You don't want to put what you're feeling on her as well.

It's trying to dispel that irrational fear that, you know,

I'm going to be a shit dad or not going to be able to make ends meet

cos I will be the bread winner and all that kind of stuff.

To look at April every day

knowing she is going to be the mother of my child

and she has given me that lifetime present,

it's beautiful. I think it is the best way to describe it.

It's just beautiful.

Off to play football now.

HE LAUGHS

The arrival of children can put a huge strain on relationships

and sometimes communication can break down completely.

Lotte, who has asked for identity to be concealed,

is a working mum with two kids.

The pressures of family and work life have taken their toll on her relationship with her husband.

Being a full-time mum, it didn't feel enough

and I didn't feel I was getting enough space in my head to be me.

I felt like our lives were turning into one big domestic chore.

There was never any time for just sitting and talking and hanging out.

It was all just, well, what do we do for the next meal?

Who is doing the shopping?

Sexual problems can have a major impact on relationships,

ranking in the top three causes for couples splitting up.

My husband and I were not getting on well. It was just awful.

We were arguing all the time.

We couldn't seem to stand each other's company

and I had been thinking for a while

wouldn't it be nice to just meet someone else?

I had heard about this website where you could meet other married people

who were looking for affairs

so I thought I would go on and see what it was like.

Around one in three people have cheated on a partner

and, due to the explosion of social networking,

it is estimated one-third of these affairs begin online.

When I first went on the website, I felt guilty

but I also felt quite a thrill.

I felt a total buzz when I received an e-mail from him.

It was so exciting.

It was like that teenage feeling again of having a crush on a guy

and waiting for him to get in touch again.

The thrill and sexual excitement of an affair

can spark a huge surge of the feel-good chemical dopamine.

When dopamine is released,

it travels quickly to neighbouring nerve cells

spreading through the pleasure centres of the brain.

It's the same action that is triggered when we take drugs,

and the feelings of euphoria and excitement can be addictive.

I didn't really think.

It was quite impulsive. I just put one foot in front of the other.

We had a couple of glasses of wine and the usual sort of flirty chat,

and then he invited me into his bedroom.

It was just...you know, classic fireworks,

it was just really so exciting because of the context.

When I left his flat it was like I was on a high...

I was in another world.

When I am allowing myself to feel guilty

and realise that I am betraying my family, my husband and my children,

I feel quite sick and my immediate thought is,

"Why am I doing this? I've got to stop this, this is crazy."

I don't know where it will lead from here

and I suppose that's part of the excitement.

But I hope there will come a point when I no longer need this.

I no longer feel I need this extra person to boost me up.

The single life can also become complicated.

Julie is back in London for the results of her fertility test.

The scan of her ovaries was fine, but the hormone levels in her blood

will be the crucial indicator of how many reproductive years

she has left.

'I'm not really nervous, no.'

I just think what will be will be

and my plans aren't going to change

and, you know, I just feel not too concerned.

Although she's in no rush

to have children, Julie wants to make sure she has the time to wait.

-Come in, Julie. Have a seat, please.

-OK.

How do you do, Julie?

-I'm fine, thanks.

-Have a seat.

The scan that you had last time did show a few follicles on each ovary,

about four or five on each ovary.

These results have to be read in the light of your blood tests.

One of the blood test results,

which is a direct reflection of your ovarian reserve,

-is quite low.

-OK.

The number of eggs that your ovary harbours now

is in the lower bracket,

and the advice is not to delay having a baby.

If you are in a position

-and if the circumstances permit, to have it sooner than later.

-OK.

'As a woman ages, the quality of the eggs

'would go down further and further.'

It means that it becomes more and more difficult

for the woman to achieve a successful conception.

Also, there is increased risk of miscarriage or there can be

a risk of chromosomal problems in the baby.

So the risk goes up with time.

So are you saying, basically, that I would either need to start

trying now to have a baby or I need to look at freezing my eggs?

You need to look at freezing your eggs, based on these findings.

Right, OK.

I feel... I feel a bit angry because I feel like maybe it's been taken

out of my control somewhat, and I do want to go to university

and I do want to further my career. And all those sorts of things that

I want to do... I just don't know if I'm ready for children yet.

I really don't think I'm ready for a child yet.

And I feel a bit under pressure now, but I don't have anyone

to have a child with yet, so it's a tricky one, I just don't know.

I may have to consider freezing my eggs. I may have to.

I don't just want to have a child with anybody, you know?

But IVF treatment is not a sure guarantee of having a baby.

Alison and Kevin are about to begin the final stage of IVF -

the embryo transfer. But they have

just discovered that out of a possible nine eggs,

only one was successfully fertilised.

OK, I'm going to pass the speculum, can we switch the light out, please?

-Once it's in place, it won't hurt.

-OK.

The embryologist goes and picks up the embryo...

and we carefully identify the right spot to put it

with the ultrasound machine.

It is quite delicate.

All right? So just going to slide the embryo.

This one remaining embryo is now being

implanted into Alison's womb.

This could be the couple's only chance of getting pregnant.

And I squeeze the plunger and the embryo goes.

And then, really, it's down to nature.

Well done.

Good, so...

a nice dividing embryo in the right place.

After years of waiting, Alison and Kevin

could soon have the baby they have so longed for.

It is just so overwhelming, the whole thought

and feeling about it.

Everything for the last few years, that we've talked about,

wanted and pushed for, fought for.

-Chosen names for!

-Now it's there.

Although the embryo has been transferred safely,

the next 14 days will be crucial.

It must attach properly to Alison's womb in order to survive.

In the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth,

April has gone into labour.

Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.

That's it, that's it, you're doing well.

-A strong one.

-Yeah.

The contractions started about four o'clock this afternoon...

Yeah, it's been a long day.

It's been going on for the best part of 11 hours.

10, 11 hours it's been going on for.

A lot of things scare me, you know, when it comes to...

What I'm going to be like as a parent, if I'm honest.

Kind of, like...how is my child going to turn out?

Will I be doing this right?

They are little things that I have already thought about.

We're both from broken backgrounds.

We both feel that we are going to have a lot of love as a family

and be really focused on family life.

Well done.

-Is it still there?

-Little bit.

Try and carry on using it.

I'm at a point of my life now where I can actually lead by example

and be a positive influence on a kid.

whereas five years ago, ten years ago, whenever.

anything but a positive role model, d'you know what I mean?

I'm just looking forward to both of us playing our part

and being a family.

It's something we have created

and something we are going to take part in.

And it's something we are going to share.

BABY CRIES

Your lungs work OK, don't they?

After 16 hours of labour, April has given birth to a little girl.

She won't get cold, she's got your body temperature there.

This is Ellie Marie Paddon.

I feel amazing, I just...

Words can't describe how happy I am right now.

Really, truly amazing how gorgeous she is.

Do you know what still hasn't sunk in yet? That I am a mum!

Throughout April's pregnancy, her body was flooded with

the bonding hormone oxytocin.

Even during labour she was producing new receptors, allowing

more of this chemical to circulate through her system.

The skin-to-skin contact between mother

and daughter has triggered a rush of oxytocin, giving April

the emotional bond she is feeling towards her new baby girl.

I was in shock. I was in shock as soon as they put her on my chest.

It is just so overwhelming, just to see

this is what Carl and me have created,

a gorgeous little baby girl.

And nothing matters at this moment.

Just us, our little family.

'To be honest,

'I was feeling awful before the baby came out,'

because it has been a long day.

All that bad feeling has just gone. I'm on cloud nine.

I'm on cloud ten, if there was one!

It's better than any drug I've ever taken before. Unbelievable stuff.

It was just... I could do nothing else but cry, a cry of pure joy.

Look at you, you are beautiful. You are.

You're beautiful. You truly are beautiful.

You made me cry, do you know that?

You made me cry.

Were you actually sick earlier?

Yes, sick twice. Sick twice. Just overcome with...

I was just spun right out.

Yeah.

Now parents, Carl and April must adjust

to life as a family and face the huge changes that lie ahead.

On the Isle of Wight, Alison and Kevin's wait is finally over.

Almost a week to the day of the procedure, I started to bleed.

It just got progressively worse,

and then, four days before we went to do our pregnancy test

I just had a full period so we knew by then it was all over, really.

It was an overwhelming feeling to feel that...you were pregnant.

Something I never imagined I could do.

I think that was the hardest part,

getting that and it just disappearing within a morning.

It was just taken away from us too soon.

Despite huge advances in IVF treatment,

only 30% of couples succeed in having a baby.

A lot of the time, Ali blames herself.

She'll say things like, "Maybe you should be with someone

"who can give you children."

That just absolutely rips me apart, when she says stuff like that.

We've bickered since it's happened,

but the strain it has put on us, who wouldn't fight?

Little things that wouldn't usually bother us

blow up into mountainous arguments.

If anything, it's made us stronger in the long run.

If we can get through this,

I don't think there is anything that can shake us, really.

We've talked about adoption and, obviously, trying again.

I think we will try again.

Good things come to those who wait.

The decision to enter a long-term sexual relationship

can often be a big one.

If a chap comes along, that's fine,

but I definitely want to achieve what I want to achieve, you know?

I don't think I'll rest until I've done that.

The desire may be driven by an end result...

Ali is going to be such a good mum, she has got so much love to give.

While sex will bring some couples closer together.

It's important to have sex, you want to feel loved

and knowing that you can go through your sexual time with your partner.

-It's enhanced my life greatly.

-..for others, it will pull them apart.

If my husband found out I had this other guy,

that would be the end of our relationship.

Whatever joys or challenges sex brings, it can be

a key part of our lives as we start to settle down.

Home sweet home, darling.

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