A Different Brain Louis Theroux


A Different Brain

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Transcript


LineFromTo

-How's it going?

-Er, well, it...

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-OK?

-Yeah. We're doing really well now. It's been a long journey.

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2013, it all started.

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I just popped out to see my father in hospital, came back

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and Robin was on the floor in the...in the bathroom.

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Were you? Do you remember it?

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Ah, well...well...

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It looks like a war wound, doesn't it?

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Ah.

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You don't mind, do you? You're proud of it.

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'For several months,

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'I'd been spending my days getting to know people with brain injuries.'

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Louis!

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How are you doing, Dan?

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'The most precious part of our human anatomy is also

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'one of the most mysterious and damage to it can lead to

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'unpredictable changes of ability and behaviour.'

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This programme contains some strong language.

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'I'd been curious to get inside the experience of people whose

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'bodies and minds have been radically altered.'

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As far as you are aware, you feel you're the same person.

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-Yes.

-Rob, is that your perspective as well?

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No.

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'Trying to find their place in lives that no longer seem their own.'

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You feel you don't really need to be here?

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I don't. I want my independence.

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'And reconnecting in relationships in which everything has changed.'

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'At Daniel Yorath House, a brain injury unit near Leeds,

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'I was meeting Earl Linton.'

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Hi, Earl. Louis. How are you?

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-Fine, thanks. Yeah, pleased to meet you.

-Yeah, pleased to meet you.

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'Two years earlier, Earl had been involved in a fatal car crash

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'in which he'd sustained a serious head injury.'

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Oh, so this is your spot?

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This is my spot just over here.

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'Charged with death by dangerous driving but unfit to stand trial,

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'he'd been given a supervision order

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'overseen by the unit.

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'With us for our chat was Dr Yasmin Precious

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'and Earl's mum, Patricia.'

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Can we look at some of the things that are important to you

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in this room?

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Yeah. Awesome Arsenal scarf.

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Arsenal are going to win the title this year.

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Did you support Arsenal before the brain injury?

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-Yeah.

-That hasn't changed?

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Yeah, I love football. Erm, I got...

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Show me some of your clothes.

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I don't really bring my expensive clothes down here

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because all I do is lounge about.

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Earl just wants all expensive stuff now. Before, he wasn't bothered.

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But now he just wants all named brand clothes and...

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What are these?

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EARL LAUGHS

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This is mouthwash.

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But he brushes his teeth three times as well.

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He goes in the shower. He'll brush his teeth in the shower.

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He goes in the bath, he gets out of the bath...

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I've got a lot of OCD.

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..all in the same time, and brushes his teeth

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and at home he has to have two different toothpastes, if not three.

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He does things in threes and fives for some reason.

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So how did you come to be in a brain injury unit?

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Erm, well, what it was, in 2013,

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erm, I suffered a severe brain injury in a road traffic accident.

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I had to learn how to walk again, talk again, eat again.

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How long were you in hospital for?

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Erm, I can't really remember. I think you know, Mum, don't you?

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Yes, he was in hospital for a month.

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They transferred him into the community,

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to a neuro rehabilitation out day patients', where he was going...

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Start again, you got that totally wrong.

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Erm, Earl came home for a short period of time from

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Northern General Hospital and then he had to go back

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into a rehabilitation unit

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for another month and then he came back home to be...

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No, you've got it totally wrong again, you're really annoying me.

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Please say it yourself.

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Just say, Earl was taken home against the doctor's wishes.

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No, I'm not going to say that again.

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You know what, here's what we... Let's focus on...

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But she's saying a month, yeah? I was there for six months, yeah?

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-He wasn't.

-In which one?

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-I was at Osbourne Building for six months, yeah...

-You wasn't.

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Why are you lying?

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Hold on, guys, let me just... Can I just...

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I was in Osbourne Building for six months, I left in April 2014.

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Nah, nah, nah. I was there for six months, Osbourne Building and...

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-Six weeks.

-And neuro rehabilitation...

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You did six weeks.

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Er, I was on Osbourne Ward but they couldn't do anything for me

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because all my physical injuries, like broken bones, was healed.

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Then he came home and he was just chucking

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things around the house, verbally abusive, kicking the doors.

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So in a way, it sounds like after you'd got better physically,

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there were these other things,

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erm, to do with your behaviour and the way your brain was working...

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-Yeah.

-..that were still problems. Is that right?

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-Yeah.

-He's very enthusiastic...

-HE PLAYS MUSIC

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..but when he comes round to doing it, his mind will go wandering.

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This is what he does and this is what he does at home.

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# My bitch, I buy her Jimmy Choos Damn... #

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Earl never used to listen to this music before, as well.

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Earl has come back a completely different person.

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She'll go, "Why you listening to that music? You're not a fool.

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"You're not like that, this isn't your life, you don't live that life.

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"Stop listening to this, people selling drugs and using guns.

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"That's not you so why you listening to it?"

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He never... He wasn't into anything like that before, Earl.

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You said he came back from the injury...

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I've got a different son.

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He looks like my son,

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that's Earl, but he's got a different soul inside him.

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He's a different person. That's...

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-TEARFULLY:

-He's not Earl, he is Earl but he's not.

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-I'm sorry.

-It's OK.

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I'm still alive.

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I know you are. You're just a different person.

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I can't help it, I'm sorry.

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Daniel Yorath House is part of a network of similar

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units around Britain, run by the Brain Injury Rehabilitation Trust.

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They have the delicate job of housing

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and supporting people with serious brain injuries, as they relearn

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skills and rediscover who they are.

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The effects of brain injury can be profound

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and sometimes include impulsiveness and even changes in personality.

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Do you remember that, Paul? I'll show you first, yeah?

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Friends and family may need to work out new relationships

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while their loved one has to do the rehab necessary to

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get their life back on track.

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You're nearly there.

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'At Redford Court, a unit in Liverpool,

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'I was with Dr Ivan Pitman.

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'We were about to see Dan Park.'

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-Dan, Hi. Are we OK to come in?

-Yeah.

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-Louis.

-Hello, Louis, nice to meet you, my name is Daniel.

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'Dan's family was nearly 200 miles away in London

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'and so his goal was to live independently.

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'But he'd just moved back into the main unit, following some

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'issues with his behaviour.'

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One of the things we've been talking about at the moment with

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-Dan is, we've just scaled things back a bit, didn't we?

-Yeah.

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We just kind of, erm,

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limited Dan's kind of access off the unit without staff.

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-Yeah.

-So what are the kind of things that I'm really interested in you

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working on when you're going out?

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Can you think? I suppose, sometimes I worry that you're over friendly.

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-Yeah, I'll talk to anyone.

-Yeah!

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-You go up to strangers?

-Not up to them.

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If we're in a queue or something, I'll tap them on the shoulder

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and say, "They're taking their time, ain't they?"

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-Then I'd start a conversation.

-Dan's got a great sense of humour.

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-Humour is important, isn't it?

-Absolutely.

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-But sometimes, again, and this is just...

-But I take it too far.

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-Do you?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

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Give me an example.

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One year when, like the team senior was downstairs, yeah, and

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I pulled the two psychologists, yeah, to the side, and I just said

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to 'em, like, "Oh, you know, I've had enough of this and everything,"

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and I pulled a joke knife out of me pocket and I went like this, yeah,

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and I told one of 'em what I was going to do, yeah,

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and she was laughing, yeah!

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And then the one that never knew anything, she jumped, yeah?

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And as I turned round, Maggie come up to me and went, "Dan, that

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"was totally inappropriate, I'm going to tell Bella,

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"I'm going to tell Ivan." Apparently Ivan heard about it and laughed!

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Well, I was surprised... I was surprised at people being, er,

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startled by it because it's a good practical joke, isn't it?

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But from Maggie's prospective, she thought you'd really hurt yourself.

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If you thought Dan was stabbing himself in the chest

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for real and you were in charge of taking care of him,

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-it wouldn't feel funny at the time.

-No, that's the difference.

-It would be frightening.

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I said, "Jenny, I've just found this brick on the stairs.

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"I think the building's falling apart.

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"Here you go." And I threw it, yeah!

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She was like, "No!" and it was a polystyrene brick!

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-So she might have thought it was a real brick.

-Yeah.

-That's right.

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And then you would think you were about to get hurt, wouldn't you?

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Yeah.

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It was funny, though, I mean...

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We kind of know you well, don't we?

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So we, in a sense, know that you're...

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you've got lots of strengths.

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The thing that sometimes trips you up, that's inhibition, isn't it?

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Then that's where your injury in your brain is.

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You know, the front part of the brain is the part that

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kind of stops us from doing things.

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So you had a head injury, is that right?

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-Yeah.

-How long ago was that?

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It was when I was 14 in '98, yeah,

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and, erm, I got rushed to hospital after I got hit by a Transit van.

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-Mm.

-A Transit van?

-Yeah.

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I spent about a year...just over a year in a coma and then

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when I woke up, yeah, one of the nurses told me

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I'd lost just over a quarter of my brain.

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Really?

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I mean, would the ultimate goal be for you to go out

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-and live on your own, do you think?

-Yeah, but I like...

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Hang on.

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Because the thing we have to remember, isn't it, is that,

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whilst we've got to be careful that you, you know,

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we talk about living independent,

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that starts feeling really nice and a great idea, but I'm thinking

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that Dan actually would do really well in a little communal setting,

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maybe a shared house with a few other people,

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with staff being present. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. OK.

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For most of those in rehab, the ultimate aim is to move

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back into the outside world full time.

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It's an enormous step, combining the physical challenges

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of everyday life, with the emotional ones of being amidst family again.

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In Cornwall, I was about to meet Rob Barnard.

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-Hi, Rob.

-Good morning, how you doing?

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-I'm Louis, how you doing?

-Yeah, good.

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'After two years of residential rehab, Rob's wife Amanda had re-joined

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'the family three days earlier, in a new house equipped with an annexe.'

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So this is your new house?

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Yes. This is all, yeah, the main bit. We have, erm...

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And you've been here for how long?

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-Er, two weeks this weekend.

-Two weeks?

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-Yeah.

-And who's down here? All right?

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So this is, er, Oscar.

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How you doing? How old are you, Oscar?

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-Six.

-Six.

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Six?

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So this is Ollie.

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-Hello.

-Hi, Ollie. Louis.

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OK.

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Nice to meet you. How are you doing?

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-It's nice to meet you. Good.

-Everything good?

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-Yeah.

-What were you playing just then?

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Er, I was watching YouTube.

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-Was it Stampy?

-Yes.

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How do you know?

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Was it Stampylongnose? Was it?

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-Yeah.

-See you later. Nice to meet you, Ollie.

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So this is Amanda's sitting room.

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-OK.

-And at the minute,

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where Mandy's support worker stays overnight.

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Bedroom. Amanda's kitchen. Whether she uses it or not, I don't know.

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She hasn't yet, so it's fine.

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There is a lock on there, that was one of Amanda's stipulations,

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that she wanted the door locked.

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She wanted a lock on the door?

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Yes. Yeah.

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What was that about?

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Er, perhaps a bit of privacy, I think, you know,

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she's been in...an institution for such a long time.

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I think for her to come home

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and have just a bit of independence, to be honest.

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'Amanda had been a veterinary nurse before falling from a horse

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'two years earlier.'

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Here she is.

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We've been going on a little tour of...

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Magical mystery tour?

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It was a... It was magical. That's Amanda, is it?

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Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's Amanda in...

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-Is that Amanda?

-Yeah.

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What was that for?

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-ABBA Night.

-Oh, yeah.

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And where are you, Rob?

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Er, there.

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So that's you. And, Rob, what kind of work do you do?

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-I'm a marine engineer.

-A marine engineer?

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-Mm.

-What does that mean?

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Attempting to fix people's boats.

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OK.

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So on Wednesday you came back from the unit.

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-Yes.

-You're in this new place, this new house that you've bought

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specifically to cater to the needs that you now have.

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How are you liking being back so far?

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Yeah, it's good. I like it.

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-All right?

-Mm-hmm.

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-I mean, we went on a little walk around...

-Mm-hmm.

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..and Rob had said that you were very clear

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that you wanted your own space.

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Yes. Mm-hmm.

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Now, before the injury you would have shared a bed, I'm sure,

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and, erm, not had your own little bit of the house...

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-Yeah.

-So what's changed for you?

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I don't know, really.

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Erm, the other house that we moved from, to come here,

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I used to stay in the spare room and it worked,

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it's much easier than sharing a bed with somebody who smells.

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-Who's that?

-Him.

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Come on.

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You can't smell.

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I can't any more but I know you do smell.

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ROB LAUGHS

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You grovel around in the bottom of a fishing boat in guts and wee and...

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Eugh! And you come home and you don't shower.

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-I do!

-You don't.

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-I do.

-He doesn't.

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And Rob had mentioned that you were quite keen

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even for a lock on the door.

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-Yes.

-Is that right?

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-Mm-hmm.

-What was that about?

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When I want to be by myself, I can make sure nobody just keeps

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coming in, especially with kids.

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It's not that I don't want to see them

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but there are times that I want to be by myself.

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And as I understand it...to begin with, you were saying that

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-you'd like to come out to your own house...

-Yes.

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..and not even be IN the family home.

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-Yes.

-Is that right?

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-Mm-hmm.

-Why was that?

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Erm, I don't know, I just thought I'd be better on my own.

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Me and my dogs and my cats.

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Amanda having her own house isn't doable.

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She would need a 24/7 carer.

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Now, it's cheaper for Amanda to go to a care home.

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That's a 38-year-old going into a care home. No way. That's just...

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I wouldn't have minded.

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No, sadly.

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As far as you are aware, you feel you're the same person...

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-Yes.

-..and you've got some physical things that you need to work on.

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Yes.

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But, erm, there haven't been, sort of, in your own sense of things,

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kind of personality changes or even brain damage, if you like?

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-Mm.

-Is that how you...?

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-That's how I feel.

-Is that how you feel about it?

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-Mm-hmm.

-Rob, is that your perspective as well?

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No. No, I mean, Amanda's still Amanda, of course.

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And there's still lots of Amanda,

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I'll say the old Amanda, it's not the right word to use

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but there's definite changes, you know, without a doubt.

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Especially the emotional side of it, I find that quite hard.

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Your emotions are quite flat

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and I do notice that things annoy you more.

0:15:220:15:26

I mean, you've always said that you've lost your squishy side.

0:15:260:15:28

-Mm-hmm.

-At the risk of asking you an intrusive question.

0:15:280:15:32

-So you've been together 22 years...

-Mm-hmm.

0:15:320:15:34

That's a long relationship.

0:15:340:15:36

-Yes.

-Were you happy together?

0:15:360:15:37

-Yes.

-Very. Yeah. A good team. Best buddies, it was good.

0:15:370:15:43

Yeah, it was good and it still is good,

0:15:440:15:46

just different, for the time being.

0:15:460:15:48

We'll get there.

0:15:480:15:50

That's the plan.

0:15:530:15:54

Mm.

0:15:540:15:56

Yeah.

0:15:560:15:57

Stop tapping!

0:15:580:16:00

I know, I'm drumming constantly.

0:16:000:16:01

Stop it.

0:16:010:16:02

So, this is all her stuff from the unit?

0:16:040:16:07

It is, yeah. Yeah.

0:16:070:16:08

-Clothes, a coat.

-Shoes, trainers.

0:16:110:16:15

Pictures!

0:16:160:16:18

Amanda, can I see that picture? That's nice, isn't it?

0:16:180:16:21

It's me and Mummy.

0:16:210:16:23

It's only been since Wednesday

0:16:230:16:25

but is it nice having Mummy back living with you?

0:16:250:16:27

Yeah.

0:16:270:16:29

-It's quite a big change, isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:16:290:16:31

Give me a kiss.

0:16:310:16:32

-Properly.

-Nah!

0:16:330:16:35

-Yes.

-Oh!

0:16:350:16:37

That's too quick, and rubbish.

0:16:370:16:39

-Never mind.

-I mind.

0:16:390:16:41

Where's Daddy?

0:16:410:16:43

-Yeah, we'll go this way around.

-Yeah, you know the way, do you?

0:16:580:17:01

-Yeah.

-'At Redford Court, I was with Dan

0:17:010:17:04

'and his assistant psychologist, Alice Little.

0:17:040:17:07

'We were on a therapeutic outing to a local cafe.'

0:17:070:17:10

So what's the plan? Just to get coffee?

0:17:100:17:13

Er, coffee, breakfast.

0:17:130:17:14

And then, Alice, you're here to sort of offer feedback or...?

0:17:140:17:18

-Yep.

-What's the idea? What are we looking for?

0:17:180:17:20

-The idea is, Dan has such a lovable, likeable personality...

-Yeah.

0:17:200:17:23

..which we absolutely love about him.

0:17:230:17:25

But I think it's fair to say, Dan, that sometimes you can be

0:17:250:17:28

-a little bit over the top...

-Yeah.

0:17:280:17:29

..with your jokes. Erm, and it sometimes might put him

0:17:290:17:32

in a bit of an awkward situation with the public.

0:17:320:17:34

So what we do is, we take Dan out, we let him do his thing

0:17:340:17:37

and just offer a little bit of feedback.

0:17:370:17:39

They criticise me when I get back and...

0:17:390:17:41

Hey! Criticise is the wrong word.

0:17:410:17:45

-Ah, sorry.

-Advice.

0:17:450:17:46

-Positive feedback.

-Positive feedback, thank you.

0:17:460:17:49

Can I have an omelette with salad and hummus

0:17:530:17:56

and a large hot chocolate, please?

0:17:560:17:59

Thank you.

0:17:590:18:00

Thank you.

0:18:010:18:03

What strikes me about you is that you're...you seem very well

0:18:030:18:07

equipped to deal with the wider world.

0:18:070:18:09

So I'm wondering what it is that's stopping

0:18:090:18:11

you in the outside... Well, from being there, basically.

0:18:110:18:15

Just like... It's loneliness, really. I mean, I've found...

0:18:150:18:18

Well, there's lots of lonely people who don't get to

0:18:180:18:21

-kind of move into Redford Court.

-Yeah.

0:18:210:18:23

What do you... What you do see it as, Alice? I'm not quite getting it.

0:18:230:18:26

Erm, cos Dan was originally in the main unit, and then...

0:18:260:18:29

-At Redford Court?

-At Redford Court, in the main building,

0:18:290:18:31

and then he moved into a self-contained flat.

0:18:310:18:34

Cos he had unescorted community access,

0:18:340:18:36

so he was able to go off into the community

0:18:360:18:39

whenever he wanted which is now what we're aiming to reintroduce for Dan.

0:18:390:18:43

And you got involved with the wrong sort of people

0:18:430:18:45

and it led to a bit of... a bit of drugs.

0:18:450:18:48

-Yeah.

-You did, Dan? Got involved with the wrong people?

0:18:480:18:52

What were they like?

0:18:520:18:53

They were nice.

0:18:540:18:56

One of them was a girl I started to see, yeah?

0:18:570:19:02

And two weeks into the relationship, I noticed that she was smoking

0:19:020:19:06

and selling it, like weed and stuff, yeah?

0:19:060:19:08

And then I just started smoking after a couple of months

0:19:080:19:11

of knowing this woman and I started buying off her and then, like,

0:19:110:19:14

she had two kids so I gave them my Xbox and things like that.

0:19:140:19:17

Do you remember your life before the accident quite clearly?

0:19:170:19:21

Yeah, I used to do boxing and I used to like running.

0:19:210:19:23

You liked running? Were you good at school?

0:19:230:19:26

No, no, I was always bunking.

0:19:260:19:28

-Bunking off?

-Yeah.

0:19:280:19:30

I got moved to prison when I was about 18 and a half.

0:19:300:19:33

What for?

0:19:330:19:34

Erm, robbery, nicking bags and nicking mobile phones, shoplifting.

0:19:340:19:38

And you were in a coma for a year and a half, you came out,

0:19:380:19:41

you had disabilities associated with the brain injury,

0:19:410:19:45

erm, and then you went into nicking bags?

0:19:450:19:48

-How did that happen?

-Crack.

0:19:480:19:51

Some guy introduced it to me one night in a hotel

0:19:540:19:57

and it was nice so I started spending all my money on that,

0:19:570:20:01

and when I first went to prison, I was about 18 and a half, yeah?

0:20:010:20:04

I weighed four and a half stone.

0:20:040:20:06

You weighed four and a half stone?

0:20:060:20:08

-Yeah.

-When you were 18?

0:20:080:20:09

Yeah.

0:20:090:20:10

Yeah, it's not the life I want to live, like.

0:20:140:20:16

Higher or lower than a queen? Higher or lower?

0:20:330:20:36

'Back on the unit and my plan was to start settling into the daily

0:20:380:20:41

'life of rehab.'

0:20:410:20:43

THEY SHOUT OUT

0:20:430:20:44

It's a two!

0:20:440:20:47

'Most of the residents were there because of car crashes,

0:20:470:20:50

'falls, strokes and aneurysms and had a broad spectrum of abilities.

0:20:500:20:55

'I was curious to meet someone who'd been there for many years and who

0:20:570:21:01

'depended on round-the-clock support in order to perform daily tasks.'

0:21:010:21:05

Hello.

0:21:050:21:06

Hello. You must be nice to me, otherwise I cry!

0:21:060:21:10

You know me too well!

0:21:100:21:12

'15 years into her rehab, with eight of them

0:21:140:21:17

'at Redford Court, Natalie Smith is one of the unit's veterans.'

0:21:170:21:21

How are you? I'm Louis.

0:21:230:21:24

Hello, Louis.

0:21:240:21:25

Nice to meet you.

0:21:250:21:27

Oh, that's nice.

0:21:270:21:29

You got a kiss. You have to get a kiss when you come to this house.

0:21:290:21:32

Very nice.

0:21:340:21:35

I'm Welsh, you see...

0:21:350:21:37

Shall we go in?

0:21:380:21:39

So we're making a documentary...

0:21:410:21:43

About people's rooms or what people say, what they do...?

0:21:430:21:47

About recovery from head injury.

0:21:470:21:49

Oh, a movie, oh! I'm doing a movie.

0:21:490:21:52

Which... I think you had a head injury, is that right?

0:21:520:21:54

Oh, God, yes, and it's terrible

0:21:540:21:56

but I don't give a monkey's, I just get on with life and enjoy it.

0:21:560:21:59

-Mm.

-To that extent of enjoyment.

0:21:590:22:01

Mm, do you remember what was... what was the nature of the injury?

0:22:010:22:04

Well, I fell, didn't I? I fell...somewhere.

0:22:040:22:07

SHE MUMBLES

0:22:070:22:09

You can't remember?

0:22:100:22:12

No.

0:22:120:22:14

Is there anything you wanted to show me

0:22:140:22:16

in the room that is special to you?

0:22:160:22:19

Doing my old paintings. That.

0:22:190:22:22

Let's see that. What's going on there?

0:22:220:22:26

You look like you're welding.

0:22:260:22:27

-Yeah.

-Making an artwork. Are you an artist?

0:22:270:22:31

I'm a piss artist!

0:22:310:22:32

-Come on.

-But you know what I mean?

0:22:350:22:36

-That shows some artistic talent, that does.

-Yeah, that's...

0:22:360:22:39

Did you study art? Did you study art?

0:22:390:22:41

I studied art, yeah, an art degree, I've got an art degree.

0:22:410:22:44

You know, I've just seen, up on the poster, it says "My Goals" and

0:22:440:22:47

"My Recommendations". Would we be allowed to look at the...?

0:22:470:22:50

Oh, of course you can! Come on.

0:22:500:22:52

Let's go over there, then.

0:22:520:22:53

"My Goals" says, "I want to leave Redford Court

0:22:550:22:57

"and live with my mum, to help her."

0:22:570:22:59

-Yeah, my mum.

-So one of your goals is actually to leave here.

0:22:590:23:03

To leave, of course, yeah.

0:23:030:23:04

-To move on.

-And move on. I'd like to do that.

0:23:040:23:06

-Sue, did you hear that?

-Yes, yeah.

0:23:060:23:08

So that is a goal. That's a therapeutic goal that is being worked...

0:23:080:23:11

That would be a goal but it wouldn't be actual for Natalie,

0:23:110:23:14

to move back home to her mum.

0:23:140:23:16

It's unrealistic, really, that goal,

0:23:160:23:19

although she would maybe in her, you know, her feelings.

0:23:190:23:22

"We recognise that Ms Smith has a number of inappropriate behaviours."

0:23:220:23:27

I fart a lot!

0:23:270:23:29

-But I think we all do that.

-Everyone does that.

0:23:300:23:32

-I know.

-"Including verbal, gestural and physical behaviours."

0:23:320:23:36

I do muck around. I like this gentleman here...

0:23:360:23:41

We've lost her.

0:23:420:23:44

Definitely. A nice-looking man, you see.

0:23:440:23:47

Where...

0:23:490:23:51

SHE MUTTERS

0:23:510:23:53

I can't be rude to people. I don't think that's right, myself.

0:23:540:23:58

Don't be rude to people, yeah.

0:23:580:24:00

Yeah, I...verbally be... inappropriate.

0:24:000:24:04

Verbally inappropriate, things like that.

0:24:040:24:06

Which is what?

0:24:060:24:08

I know exactly what that is, love, and you do as well.

0:24:080:24:12

THEY LAUGH

0:24:120:24:13

It is. Shake my hand, you little chunky monkey, cheeky monkey.

0:24:130:24:17

See you later. Lovely to see you.

0:24:180:24:21

-Bye, love, bye.

-Bye, gorgeous.

0:24:210:24:22

Bye. Ah, "Bye, gorgeous."

0:24:220:24:25

'Natalie and her family had given permission for Sue,

0:24:250:24:28

'her support worker, to disclose more about Natalie and her injury.'

0:24:280:24:32

There's so much warmth there, isn't there?

0:24:320:24:34

-Ah, she's just full of love and warmth for...

-Yeah.

0:24:340:24:37

..others. She really is. She's very, very caring.

0:24:370:24:40

I suppose the scary point is, one could imagine

0:24:400:24:43

out in the community, unscrupulous people...

0:24:430:24:46

-Of course, yeah.

-..could take advantage of her.

0:24:460:24:48

She'd be too vulnerable to live out in the community.

0:24:480:24:51

She's dependent on support 24/7.

0:24:510:24:56

She said she had a brain injury of some kind.

0:24:560:24:59

-Yeah.

-Did she say she had a knock on the head or something?

0:24:590:25:01

Yes, that's what Natalie says.

0:25:010:25:03

Yeah, but that's actually not quite right, is it?

0:25:030:25:06

No, Natalie, erm, attempted suicide with overdosing of...

0:25:060:25:10

She's a type-1 diabetic.

0:25:100:25:13

So she injected herself with too much insulin.

0:25:130:25:17

Unfortunately, it caused a brain injury. Yeah.

0:25:190:25:23

How old was she?

0:25:230:25:25

Natalie was 33.

0:25:250:25:26

She was 33 when it happened?

0:25:260:25:28

Yeah. Yeah. So she was still a young lady, you know.

0:25:280:25:32

So she's forgotten that?

0:25:320:25:33

That's completely forgotten, yeah.

0:25:330:25:35

And I think, even if you... if you were to remind Natalie every

0:25:350:25:39

week about what she did to herself, she'd still forget.

0:25:390:25:43

SUPPORTERS SHOUT

0:25:550:25:57

Oh, my God, 4-3. How about that?

0:26:000:26:04

'I was back with Earl, the young man I'd met on my first day in Leeds.

0:26:050:26:09

'He spends his weekends away from the unit, at home

0:26:100:26:13

'with his family in Sheffield.

0:26:130:26:15

'He and his mum, and his friend Warren, were

0:26:150:26:17

'showing their support for Earl's little brother, Romane.'

0:26:170:26:21

Romy, Romy, keep up, keep going.

0:26:210:26:24

Do you know the score?

0:26:240:26:26

3-0 to them.

0:26:260:26:28

SHE SHOUTS ENCOURAGEMENT

0:26:280:26:30

Come on, Mane.

0:26:300:26:31

Stronger! Hit it!

0:26:310:26:33

Ref! Fuck off!

0:26:330:26:36

Earl! Earl, I've told you.

0:26:360:26:38

-No, but...

-Earl, Earl, please, we're with kids.

0:26:380:26:40

I didn't mean to swear.

0:26:400:26:42

-That's it! Nice.

-Pass!

0:26:420:26:45

-It's in. Yes!

-Yeah!

0:26:450:26:47

Well played! That's better!

0:26:470:26:50

That was good. So were you two at school together?

0:26:500:26:54

-Yeah.

-And what do you do now, Warren?

0:26:540:26:57

-Security.

-Security?

0:26:570:26:58

-Yeah.

-Like, my mum treats him as a son.

0:26:580:27:01

Yeah. So when the accident happened and that...

0:27:010:27:05

he took it badly and stuff.

0:27:050:27:07

He really struggled hard. Because of my, erm, brain injury,

0:27:070:27:11

I annoy him a lot of the time with some of the immature stuff I do.

0:27:110:27:14

We talked to Patricia about this a couple of days ago

0:27:140:27:17

and she was talking about, erm, Earl as having a slightly

0:27:170:27:22

different personality since the accident, in some respects.

0:27:220:27:26

Would you agree with that?

0:27:260:27:28

-Yeah, yeah.

-In what way?

0:27:280:27:30

Just the way he, like, acts towards people and stuff like that.

0:27:310:27:34

He gets mad with, like, his mum a lot,

0:27:340:27:37

-like easy, a lot.

-She's annoying, she does my head in.

0:27:370:27:39

-She's only trying to help him out. Before, he wouldn't do stuff like that.

-She treats me like a kid.

0:27:390:27:44

-Not in the way he does now.

-She treats me like a kid.

0:27:440:27:46

Cos you act like a kid.

0:27:460:27:47

'Back at her house, and Patricia had laid on lunch.'

0:27:490:27:53

So what's in there, Mum, can you just tell us, please?

0:27:530:27:56

Curry mutton, it's, er, a favourite Caribbean dish,

0:27:560:28:00

Jamaican dish.

0:28:000:28:01

And then you can take them over to the table and introduce Louis,

0:28:010:28:05

but I'm sure he's had Caribbean food before.

0:28:050:28:08

Erm, I haven't had it as much as I'd like.

0:28:080:28:11

'I was hoping to get a little deeper into Earl's story.

0:28:110:28:14

'I'd learned that it had been a friend of his that had died

0:28:140:28:18

'in the car crash.

0:28:180:28:19

'I was also curious to see his behaviour at home.'

0:28:190:28:22

-It's delicious. I tell you what, it's so tender.

-Thanks.

0:28:220:28:26

This is Earl at college on his second year.

0:28:260:28:29

Is it?

0:28:290:28:30

Yeah.

0:28:300:28:32

Did he used to cook for you before the injury?

0:28:320:28:34

-Yes.

-Yeah.

0:28:340:28:35

He learnt me to cook some nice dishes,

0:28:350:28:37

like beef bourguignon and Dauphinoise potatoes, which I've

0:28:370:28:41

never done in my life, and home-made gravy and not gravy granules.

0:28:410:28:44

You couldn't go back to home-made gravy from

0:28:440:28:46

once Earl learnt to cook at college.

0:28:460:28:48

I put a mirepoix on - that's carrots, celery, onion, leek.

0:28:480:28:52

He doesn't do all that any more, he's not capable.

0:28:520:28:55

But, hopefully, with time.

0:28:550:28:57

'For afters, there was FIFA 15 in the front room for the youngsters,

0:28:590:29:03

'while I had a moment alone with Patricia.'

0:29:030:29:06

Funny!

0:29:060:29:08

There's Warren.

0:29:080:29:10

-There's Earl.

-There's Earl.

0:29:130:29:15

That was when he was 18.

0:29:150:29:16

They all went on holiday.

0:29:160:29:18

That's a nice one.

0:29:190:29:21

It is, he's very young, isn't he?

0:29:210:29:22

When you said before, you said, "My son's gone," or,

0:29:240:29:27

"I don't recognise him, it's a different person."

0:29:270:29:29

It is.

0:29:290:29:30

The only thing that's the same about Earl is his looks

0:29:300:29:33

and then his eyes aren't the same cos

0:29:330:29:35

when I look in his eyes, he's got a dead look behind his eyes.

0:29:350:29:38

Does that mean your feelings have changed a bit?

0:29:380:29:40

No. I love him just the same, if not even more because...

0:29:400:29:44

-Even though...

-Yeah.

-..it's a different person, in your view?

0:29:440:29:47

He's a different person but he's still my son.

0:29:470:29:50

He behaves... I don't like his behaviour.

0:29:500:29:53

I don't like his actions at times but I love my son

0:29:530:29:55

and I always will, regardless.

0:29:550:29:57

I've just got to keep strong and give him

0:29:590:30:00

a strong foundation to keep learning

0:30:000:30:03

and, hopefully, he'll get it and if he

0:30:030:30:05

doesn't get it, I'll just continue

0:30:050:30:06

to do what I'm doing until my days are done

0:30:060:30:09

and then his sister will look after him, cos we've got no choice.

0:30:090:30:12

How much can you say about the accident and how it happened?

0:30:130:30:17

Who was in the vehicle, er, when it crashed?

0:30:170:30:20

There was Earl in the car...

0:30:200:30:22

Earl, who was driving?

0:30:220:30:23

Yeah. Erm, his friend and his ex-girlfriend.

0:30:230:30:27

Earl pulled in front of an ambulance and clipped the kerb,

0:30:290:30:33

lost control of the car.

0:30:330:30:35

The car went across the road.

0:30:350:30:37

He ended up going down on the tramlines

0:30:370:30:39

and it wrapped round the tramline pole.

0:30:390:30:42

Am I right in thinking he was going too fast?

0:30:430:30:46

Yes, I'm made to believe he was doing about 50.

0:30:460:30:48

Mm.

0:30:480:30:49

He'd only been driving two and a half weeks as well, himself.

0:30:490:30:53

So you thought you were doing all the right things

0:30:540:30:57

but, obviously, sometimes you're not.

0:30:570:30:59

You think there's something that you could have done that might

0:31:010:31:04

-have averted it?

-Yes.

0:31:040:31:05

-In what way?

-Not bought him the car. It's that simple.

0:31:050:31:10

Why are you in here, crying on camera, talking shit?

0:31:160:31:19

Everyone can see you on camera crying, like, right sad,

0:31:190:31:21

feeling sorry for you.

0:31:210:31:23

And this is what he does all the time, Louis.

0:31:230:31:25

-What do you think

-BLEEP

-mum's going to think when she sees it?

0:31:250:31:28

-And

-BLEEP

-family?

-I'm not crying about that, Earl...

0:31:280:31:30

-"She's in the kitchen crying and our son's dead."

-He asked me a question.

0:31:300:31:34

Earl, you're leaping to all kinds of conclusion about what

0:31:340:31:37

Patricia's been saying,

0:31:370:31:39

and, actually, she hasn't done anything embarrassing.

0:31:390:31:44

I'm going back tonight, I don't want to stay any more.

0:31:440:31:46

I don't really want to stay here.

0:31:460:31:48

I can't put up with the bullshit no more.

0:31:480:31:50

Get my mum to take me back, I'm not staying here.

0:31:500:31:52

Did you just lose at FIFA, is that what happened?

0:31:520:31:55

Did you come in here because you just lost at FIFA?

0:31:550:31:58

No, I was...

0:31:580:31:59

Did you just lose? Tell me honestly.

0:31:590:32:00

No, I didn't... Yeah.

0:32:000:32:02

So you came in here in a mood and took it out on your mum?

0:32:020:32:06

Yeah.

0:32:060:32:08

Maybe you want to say sorry to your mum.

0:32:110:32:13

What for?

0:32:130:32:15

For coming in here and...making her feel bad.

0:32:150:32:20

I didn't make her feel bad.

0:32:200:32:22

Erm, sorry, Mum.

0:32:250:32:28

'For all its turbulence and the turmoil caused by his injury,

0:32:360:32:40

'what was most striking about Earl and Patricia's relationship

0:32:400:32:43

'was that it was still so strong and unconditional.'

0:32:430:32:46

'I was heading back to Cornwall, to see Amanda and Rob.

0:32:550:32:58

'I was curious how they were getting on with their new arrangement

0:32:590:33:03

'with Amanda back at home, living in an annexe.'

0:33:030:33:06

Hello?

0:33:080:33:09

'I'd arranged to spend a Sunday with them.'

0:33:090:33:12

-Hi, Amanda.

-Hello.

0:33:120:33:13

-How are you doing?

-I'm making cakes. I'm fine, thank you.

0:33:130:33:15

-And, Rob, how you doing, Rob?

-Doing all right.

0:33:150:33:17

Good to see you.

0:33:170:33:19

You OK?

0:33:190:33:20

Yeah, good.

0:33:200:33:22

-Hi.

-How long is it since I saw you all?

0:33:220:33:24

-Is it two weeks?

-Two weeks, I think. Yeah.

0:33:240:33:26

-How's it been going?

-Good.

0:33:260:33:28

Erm, yeah, not bad. It's been difficult, hasn't it?

0:33:280:33:31

Difficult, in what way?

0:33:330:33:35

Erm, it just... We sort of had the idea that Amanda was going to

0:33:350:33:39

be in the annexe, that was her sort of, erm,

0:33:390:33:43

pre-requisite for coming home,

0:33:430:33:46

was that she would... That she would stay in the annexe but she hasn't.

0:33:460:33:49

So it's made it a little bit difficult.

0:33:490:33:51

Amanda's...not brilliant with the boys just because she's got a...

0:33:510:33:56

bit of a short fuse and, as she said, she's lost her squidgy bit.

0:33:560:34:01

So she'll go from being super, super nice to - pow -

0:34:010:34:04

straight in and all singing and dancing, lots of shouting.

0:34:040:34:09

The cakes are ready for you to decorate.

0:34:090:34:11

-OK.

-Come on, Osc.

0:34:110:34:13

I'll decorate them with blocks.

0:34:130:34:15

I mean, Ollie said to me

0:34:150:34:17

the other day, he feels a little bit like Mummy's an intruder

0:34:170:34:20

and he thinks Mummy's in there somewhere and she can't get out.

0:34:200:34:24

-So...

-I'm back.

0:34:240:34:25

He's back.

0:34:250:34:27

All right, mate?

0:34:270:34:28

We were saying that... You said you found it a bit hard with

0:34:280:34:31

Mummy being back. Why was that?

0:34:310:34:33

Cos she's been shouting at me nonstop. Oh, a blue tit!

0:34:330:34:37

Sorry. Er, yeah, she's been shouting at me nonstop.

0:34:370:34:40

-Yeah, well, I can see that would be hard.

-Yeah.

0:34:420:34:44

Because of the... because of the brain injury.

0:34:440:34:46

Yeah.

0:34:460:34:48

Oscar, are you hungry?

0:34:480:34:50

No, thank you. I'm not hungry.

0:34:500:34:54

Thank you.

0:34:560:34:57

How do you feel now about being back?

0:34:570:35:00

-It's nice.

-Do you feel it was the right move?

0:35:000:35:02

I get to see my kids every day, even if they don't want to see me.

0:35:020:35:06

-Hey!

-You wouldn't cuddle me last night for bed.

0:35:070:35:11

Bluh-bluh-bluh!

0:35:110:35:12

That made me sad.

0:35:140:35:16

I know, but...

0:35:160:35:18

"I know but," what?

0:35:180:35:19

I was already in bed, like snuggled up really, really, really tight.

0:35:190:35:23

I only wanted a cuddle.

0:35:230:35:24

Do you care that you made me sad?

0:35:240:35:26

Umm...

0:35:260:35:28

It's not that, it's... Oh!

0:35:280:35:31

He wouldn't give me a cuddle night-night.

0:35:330:35:35

No, no, it's not that, it's...

0:35:350:35:36

Do you still love me?

0:35:380:35:39

Yes! Why wouldn't I?

0:35:390:35:41

Cos you don't behave like you do.

0:35:420:35:44

But you've enjoyed being back with the kids and...?

0:35:480:35:51

Yes, and my dogs. I missed the dogs.

0:35:510:35:56

My poor Diesel got old while I was away.

0:35:560:35:59

He was normal when I left and now he's a proper dodgy old bugger.

0:36:010:36:05

Don't swear.

0:36:050:36:06

Oh, all right, boss!

0:36:060:36:09

I'm the boss!

0:36:090:36:10

You're not, you're a pest.

0:36:100:36:12

HE LAUGHS

0:36:120:36:13

Oh, little chip.

0:36:250:36:27

Nice!

0:36:330:36:35

I only got one bounce.

0:36:350:36:37

Are you in a sort of care-taking relationship

0:36:370:36:39

or are you in a sort of husband-wife relationship?

0:36:390:36:42

Now? We have no husband and wife relationship any more.

0:36:420:36:46

There's no cuddles, kissing, I love yous, anything like that.

0:36:460:36:49

That's gone.

0:36:490:36:51

You know, that's gone since the accident, you know.

0:36:510:36:53

I can't say to Amanda, "Cor, I've had a rough day," you know, at work

0:36:530:36:57

cos she'll just say,

0:36:570:36:59

"And? What about me? I had a head injury."

0:36:590:37:02

You said she's still just as intelligent as she was.

0:37:020:37:05

Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

0:37:050:37:06

But what?

0:37:060:37:07

The application of intelligence, they call it.

0:37:070:37:10

So she's super clever, super... As she was before.

0:37:100:37:12

There's no loss of intelligence

0:37:120:37:14

but it's applying that intelligence to something.

0:37:140:37:17

And, yes, it's the application.

0:37:170:37:19

She doesn't see herself as having these issues,

0:37:190:37:22

these impairments?

0:37:220:37:24

No. Yeah, that's right, an impairment. No.

0:37:240:37:26

She can see physically and she knows that her left arm, left leg

0:37:260:37:30

and her speech which, you know, when you talk to her, that's the problem.

0:37:300:37:34

But she has no insight into the effect it's had upon the boys

0:37:340:37:39

and herself and me and the family and all that sort of thing.

0:37:390:37:42

You know, we've gotta give it a go.

0:37:420:37:44

If it doesn't work then it doesn't work

0:37:440:37:46

but at least I can...

0:37:460:37:48

At least, if it doesn't work, we've tried every possible thing

0:37:480:37:50

we could have done. And if it doesn't work

0:37:500:37:52

then we'll just have to see what happens, you know, then.

0:37:520:37:55

Hello.

0:38:130:38:15

Smile. Go on, smile. Look at that!

0:38:150:38:18

'I was back to see Natalie.'

0:38:180:38:20

-Nice to see you.

-You're looking great.

0:38:200:38:22

-How are you? Thank you.

-Come here.

-Thank you.

0:38:220:38:24

Shall we do your whiteboard?

0:38:240:38:26

-Yeah.

-Before breakfast, yeah?

0:38:260:38:28

-I know, that would be a good idea, that would be.

-That's fine.

0:38:280:38:30

OK, can you tell me what day it is today, Nat?

0:38:300:38:33

Monday?

0:38:340:38:36

Yesterday was Thursday, today is?

0:38:360:38:39

Friday.

0:38:390:38:41

That's right. Well done.

0:38:410:38:43

-And the date?

-2014?

0:38:440:38:47

-The date?

-'15? '15?

0:38:470:38:50

Yesterday was the 10th, today is?

0:38:500:38:52

-The 11th.

-Yeah. And can you tell me what month this is?

0:38:520:38:57

-Thanksgiving?

-De...?

0:38:580:39:00

..cember.

0:39:000:39:01

So what makes this date today special, Natalie?

0:39:010:39:05

It makes it special because it's a special time of the year,

0:39:050:39:08

where people can congregate or whatever they want to go to.

0:39:080:39:12

Yes, but today, especially this day, is?

0:39:120:39:15

My birthday.

0:39:170:39:18

It's your birthday. It's your birthday!

0:39:180:39:22

It's Natalie's birthday today.

0:39:220:39:24

Happy birthday, Natalie.

0:39:240:39:26

Happy birthday, Nat.

0:39:260:39:27

'For Natalie's birthday, we were off to North Wales.'

0:39:330:39:36

Nicky!

0:39:390:39:41

Hiya, I'm Louis.

0:39:410:39:43

'Natalie's Mum, Chris, was hosting a small party.'

0:39:430:39:47

# Penblwydd Hapus i ti

0:39:470:39:50

# Penblwydd Hapus i ti

0:39:500:39:53

# Penblwydd Hapus i Natalie

0:39:530:39:57

# Penblwydd Hapus i ti. #

0:39:570:40:00

THEY CHEER

0:40:000:40:02

'For me, it was also a chance to get to know the old Natalie.'

0:40:040:40:09

What was she like before the injury?

0:40:090:40:12

Very gregarious. She had ups and downs, you know.

0:40:120:40:16

When she was up she was very...you know, you can see what

0:40:160:40:19

she's like, she's almost manic.

0:40:190:40:21

Er, lots of ideas and...

0:40:210:40:24

Artistic?

0:40:240:40:26

Yes, in all sorts of ways. That's when she developed diabetes.

0:40:260:40:31

She looks like something out of Belsen, you know,

0:40:310:40:33

lost a lot of weight.

0:40:330:40:35

How old was she when she got married?

0:40:350:40:38

She got married in 1997, so she was 30, was she?

0:40:380:40:42

30, yeah.

0:40:420:40:43

Well, yes, but it didn't last

0:40:430:40:45

and it just sent her a bit off her trolley, as you might say.

0:40:450:40:50

Yeah.

0:40:500:40:51

Do you mean she had a sort of depressive episode?

0:40:510:40:53

Yes. I'd seen it coming,

0:40:530:40:55

the writing was on the wall as far as I was concerned.

0:40:550:40:58

In what way?

0:40:580:41:00

Well, I could tell that she wasn't stable and well.

0:41:000:41:03

She was with friends and they went out for the day.

0:41:030:41:09

She said she didn't feel well

0:41:090:41:10

and when they came back, she was in a coma.

0:41:100:41:14

But they didn't recognise it, they thought she was asleep.

0:41:140:41:16

So she was... She was really very, very poorly

0:41:160:41:20

when they realised that she was in a coma.

0:41:200:41:24

Hello, Mum.

0:41:240:41:25

Hello, Nat. What are you wearing this for?

0:41:250:41:28

Cos I like it.

0:41:280:41:30

We're looking at some old photos. Where's that nice one?

0:41:300:41:35

-That's when I got married.

-Yeah.

0:41:350:41:37

Married!

0:41:370:41:39

SHE LAUGHS

0:41:390:41:41

Got rid of the husband, though!

0:41:410:41:43

Why bother?

0:41:430:41:45

Well, isn't that a lovely photo?

0:41:450:41:48

Of me with my high heels and all that stuff.

0:41:480:41:51

Mm. Do you remember it?

0:41:510:41:52

-I remember it.

-Was it... Was it a happy day?

0:41:520:41:55

It was a lovely day when I got married.

0:41:550:41:58

I thought it would be perfection but it wasn't.

0:41:580:42:00

Well, nothing's perfection, is it?

0:42:000:42:02

Nah! Load of codswallop. Isn't it?

0:42:020:42:06

You have to deal with what you've got, that's what I say it is.

0:42:060:42:09

-It's been 15 years since the injury...

-Yeah, yeah.

0:42:090:42:12

-..which is quite a long time, isn't it?

-Yeah. Yeah.

0:42:120:42:14

How different would you say you are since the injury?

0:42:140:42:19

I feel a lot better now.

0:42:190:42:21

-Mm.

-Cos I have the injury, so what? It happened, so what? It's gone now.

0:42:210:42:27

It's a brooder, that's it.

0:42:270:42:29

I don't need to worry about it any more.

0:42:290:42:32

I would say that Natalie is the same person.

0:42:320:42:36

She's my Natalie. The traits, the characteristics,

0:42:360:42:40

the nature is still the same.

0:42:400:42:42

I mean, we know she's got a brain injury

0:42:420:42:44

and that presents a lot of problems.

0:42:440:42:46

But she's still the same Natalie and she's a...

0:42:460:42:49

NATALIE CACKLES

0:42:490:42:50

She's a loving, caring person and she can light up a room, yes.

0:42:500:42:54

First of all, I'd just like to say that it was an amazingly high

0:43:060:43:11

standard of entry this year,

0:43:110:43:14

and, er, all of the cakes were delicious.

0:43:140:43:18

'By now, I was several weeks into my time in the world of brain injury.

0:43:200:43:24

'Amid the range and unpredictability of the challenges

0:43:260:43:30

'faced by the people I'd met, I'd been pleased to find

0:43:300:43:33

'consolations, relationships that had become more difficult

0:43:330:43:38

'but which, maybe because of that, were in many ways more rewarding.'

0:43:380:43:43

Go on, in you go.

0:43:480:43:49

Careful of this black one behind my right shoulder.

0:43:490:43:52

She's finding my hand quite interesting.

0:43:520:43:54

-Oh!

-Oh!

0:43:560:43:57

She didn't like that.

0:43:570:43:59

'Back in Liverpool, Dan was doing some volunteer work at a local

0:43:590:44:02

'rescue centre.'

0:44:020:44:04

Where have they come from?

0:44:040:44:06

They all come from different places.

0:44:070:44:09

These two little ones, they're from our Welsh centre.

0:44:090:44:13

-And the idea is to get them re-homed...

-Re-homed.

0:44:130:44:15

-..at some point?

-Forever homes.

0:44:150:44:17

Forever homes. Would you like a forever home, Dan?

0:44:170:44:21

Uh?

0:44:210:44:22

A forever home?

0:44:220:44:23

A forever home? Not really.

0:44:230:44:25

-Oh.

-Nah, I like to move about.

0:44:250:44:28

You're a nomad.

0:44:280:44:30

Yeah.

0:44:300:44:31

But it's nice to have a home that you can go back to.

0:44:310:44:34

Yeah.

0:44:340:44:35

At the moment, mine's Redford Court.

0:44:370:44:39

'But there were rumblings about Dan on the unit.

0:44:410:44:44

'A close female friend had recently moved on.

0:44:440:44:47

'He'd been feeling low and disgruntled.

0:44:470:44:50

'He'd told me his true feelings about rehab were different to the

0:44:500:44:54

'ones he'd expressed on camera.

0:44:540:44:56

'He and Ivan had agreed to sit down for a summit.'

0:44:560:44:59

One thing we haven't really talked about, which is a big thing

0:44:590:45:02

-I know in your life, Dan, is Sophia...

-Uh-huh.

0:45:020:45:06

-..has moved on.

-Yeah.

0:45:060:45:07

Do you miss her, Dan?

0:45:070:45:08

-Yeah.

-How much?

0:45:080:45:10

I don't know, probably more than what I'd miss my arms, you know.

0:45:100:45:16

I'd rather live with no arms than actually be without Sophia.

0:45:160:45:20

Yeah. You spent a lot of time together,

0:45:200:45:22

-she was a big part of your time here.

-Yeah.

0:45:220:45:24

I mean, I'm trying to be as mature as I can, yeah, cos

0:45:240:45:27

-I wanna get out of here now...

-Yeah.

0:45:270:45:29

-..I don't want to be here no more.

-Go on, why...

0:45:290:45:31

Why do you want to get out of here?

0:45:310:45:33

Cos I don't like it.

0:45:330:45:35

Er, when I've done 14 years of rehab

0:45:350:45:37

and I just want to get out there and live.

0:45:370:45:40

You want to live, what does that look like?

0:45:410:45:43

I don't know, sand and beaches and...

0:45:440:45:47

And you'd live just by yourself, or do you think...?

0:45:470:45:51

I'd live by myself but I want a house so when my family do come up

0:45:510:45:54

-and see me...

-OK.

-..they can spend time with me.

0:45:540:45:56

And, erm, if and when the time comes, when you feel Dan is ready...

0:45:560:46:00

-Yeah.

-..you can sign off on him...

0:46:000:46:03

-Absolutely.

-..leaving, walking out the gates and leaving.

0:46:030:46:06

-Yeah.

-But at the moment, your feeling is he's not ready?

0:46:060:46:08

-Yes.

-That's one against 13.

0:46:080:46:10

Basically you overrule Dan,

0:46:100:46:11

which I can see from your position must be difficult.

0:46:110:46:15

Frustrating.

0:46:150:46:17

Very frustrating, and that's sort of where we are, in a way, isn't it?

0:46:170:46:20

That's the position we're in.

0:46:200:46:22

And that's how... It feels wholly unfair to you, Dan, doesn't it?

0:46:220:46:25

-Yeah.

-Do you feel ready? Do you feel like you could walk out there

0:46:250:46:28

-and look after yourself?

-Yeah.

0:46:280:46:30

-Dan leaves...

-Yes.

0:46:300:46:31

..you sign him off and say, "Do you know what,

0:46:310:46:34

"his persuasive powers

0:46:340:46:37

-"have convinced me he's ready."

-Absolutely.

0:46:370:46:40

He goes off and then what happens?

0:46:400:46:42

My concerns are, about Dan, is that things would start to slide.

0:46:420:46:46

I'd be concerned that Dan then wouldn't...

0:46:460:46:48

Things would start sliding, things would start to slide...

0:46:480:46:52

-I'd be concerned that things would start to slide, yeah.

-Why?

0:46:520:46:54

Dan would start making associations with people, er,

0:46:540:46:58

that were selling drugs and that Dan would start kind of spending

0:46:580:47:01

all his money on drugs and alcohol, and whilst he was under

0:47:010:47:05

the influence of drugs and alcohol,

0:47:050:47:06

he would then engage in behaviours that

0:47:060:47:09

might actually put him in trouble, and I have those

0:47:090:47:11

fears and concerns because,

0:47:110:47:13

in the past, that's some of the behaviour...

0:47:130:47:15

-So the...like the... They're in the past, yeah.

-Yeah.

0:47:150:47:19

So the fears and concerns are going to be there tomorrow, next year,

0:47:190:47:23

10 years' time, 20 years' time.

0:47:230:47:26

30, 40 years' time, till death.

0:47:260:47:29

You have the abilities,

0:47:310:47:33

but I need evidence that I can base my opinion on and that's what

0:47:330:47:38

I'm talking about, is that I want you to provide me with that evidence.

0:47:380:47:41

I think I'm going to go out for a cigarette.

0:47:410:47:43

All right, Dan. Thanks very much.

0:47:430:47:45

Yeah, man, whatever.

0:47:470:47:48

-I can... I can really feel what he feels.

-Yeah.

0:47:520:47:54

Because Dan is very engaging and humorous and appropriate and so

0:47:540:48:00

you can see from his perspective,

0:48:000:48:03

-he must take it as very infantilising...

-Yes.

0:48:030:48:05

..and emasculating.

0:48:050:48:07

I mean, you could argue that there's people in the world who don't

0:48:070:48:10

really look after themselves very well

0:48:100:48:12

and we give them the autonomy to do that.

0:48:120:48:15

-Yeah.

-So what's different here?

0:48:150:48:17

So the big difference for here, really, is it's, er...

0:48:170:48:19

when you come back to Dan, to talking about people's capacity to

0:48:190:48:23

make decisions, it comes back to whether they have a sound mind.

0:48:230:48:27

Dan, in many ways, is still quite stuck in quite adolescent

0:48:270:48:31

thought processes.

0:48:310:48:33

So the world seems, in many ways, quite a simple process,

0:48:330:48:37

and life is a little bit more complicated than just,

0:48:370:48:40

"I'll just live by myself and I'll be happy."

0:48:400:48:43

'For more of Dan's perspective, we sat down one to one.'

0:48:520:48:57

You feel you don't really need to be here.

0:48:570:48:59

I don't.

0:48:590:49:00

I mean, Redford Court, yeah, is for people who need it.

0:49:000:49:03

I can walk, get myself up in the morning, shower myself, get ready.

0:49:030:49:07

I've done it now for like 12, 13 years.

0:49:070:49:10

It's like being told to live your life and I don't really need that.

0:49:100:49:14

I think the feeling perhaps from the clinicians and management is

0:49:140:49:17

that you are vulnerable because of your brain injury.

0:49:170:49:20

I'm going to be vulnerable to them for the rest of the time here.

0:49:200:49:23

You know, they're not going to let me go cos every day they're going to

0:49:230:49:26

think, "Oh, Dan looks vulnerable, Dan looks vulnerable."

0:49:260:49:29

I mean, I've gone 17 years of my life, yeah, I've never,

0:49:290:49:31

never been beat up.

0:49:310:49:32

Yet these are saying that I've got... If I go out

0:49:340:49:36

and make a joke about something, you know, people are going to stare.

0:49:360:49:40

So what? Let them look, you know?

0:49:400:49:42

All I want is a chance to actually prove myself.

0:49:420:49:45

You know, if I come back in two years and say,

0:49:450:49:48

"Ah, look at me, I did it."

0:49:480:49:50

"Add the coconut and bring the coconut milk up to boil

0:50:030:50:07

"and then add your dry ingredients and vegetables."

0:50:070:50:10

OK.

0:50:100:50:11

'I was back in Cornwall, making one last visit to Rob and Amanda.'

0:50:110:50:16

Are you ready to attempt this Thai green curry?

0:50:160:50:19

Is it worth attempting?

0:50:190:50:20

I hope so.

0:50:200:50:22

'I'd been struck by the very understandable

0:50:220:50:25

'tension in their relationship.

0:50:250:50:26

'I'd wondered if it might help to talk about it.'

0:50:280:50:31

Louis did the peppers.

0:50:310:50:33

Yeah, so be polite about the peppers.

0:50:330:50:36

I will be polite about the peppers. Beautiful peppers.

0:50:360:50:41

Do you feel, erm, do you feel in charge of your life?

0:50:410:50:45

Not at all.

0:50:450:50:47

Why not?

0:50:470:50:48

I have to have a support worker 24/7.

0:50:520:50:54

So although I'm at home and I can get a drink when I want and do

0:50:540:50:58

what I want, I'm still having to consider somebody else, not just me.

0:50:580:51:04

So no, I don't feel in control of my life at all.

0:51:040:51:07

You are in charge of your life, though, aren't you, because...

0:51:070:51:10

-Yes.

-..I mean, whatever you wanted to do... I suppose

0:51:100:51:13

if you wanted to badly enough, you could do it.

0:51:130:51:16

Mm-hmm, yeah.

0:51:160:51:19

So you're slightly going along with things to please, erm, Rob

0:51:190:51:24

-and to spare the children...

-Yes.

0:51:240:51:27

..any anxiety?

0:51:270:51:29

Yeah...especially you!

0:51:290:51:31

ROB LAUGHS

0:51:310:51:33

You laugh, it's not funny.

0:51:330:51:36

What's the "not funny" bit?

0:51:370:51:39

Any of it - the way I've been left, the way I am.

0:51:390:51:42

Of course that's not funny.

0:51:420:51:43

But you laugh at me.

0:51:430:51:44

I wasn't laughing at you, I was just laughing.

0:51:460:51:48

Mm.

0:51:480:51:50

Mm-hmm, I don't believe you.

0:51:500:51:54

-No, no, the way you've been left is not funny in the slightest.

-No.

0:51:540:51:58

I think it was a sort of laugh of...

0:51:580:52:01

at the foibles of relationships and...

0:52:010:52:04

-Yeah.

-..how it...

0:52:040:52:06

What, you're still grinning!

0:52:060:52:08

Yeah, I grin a lot.

0:52:080:52:10

It feels like you're a little bit angry with Rob.

0:52:100:52:15

He makes me out to be a bad person.

0:52:180:52:21

You believe I'm a bad person. Mm.

0:52:220:52:26

Do you really... Do you really believe that about Rob, that he

0:52:260:52:29

thinks you're actually a bad person?

0:52:290:52:31

Yeah, I do.

0:52:310:52:32

A malign influence in the world?

0:52:320:52:34

Yes. Take that grin off your face, smirky pants!

0:52:340:52:40

-Mm-hm.

-Yeah, it's a grin, counteracting it.

-Mr Perfect.

0:52:400:52:44

You don't really think that about Rob, do you?

0:52:440:52:46

I do. He doesn't like...the way I am now, but, like I said, the person

0:52:460:52:51

he married died the day I fell off that horse.

0:52:510:52:54

I am what's left and I don't think I'm enough for you any more.

0:52:540:52:59

You don't feel loved by Rob?

0:52:590:53:01

No, not particularly. I feel like I'm a burden.

0:53:010:53:05

Why are you saying, "Mm-hmm"?

0:53:070:53:09

-No, I'm just having a...

-That's what you think I am.

0:53:090:53:12

No, not at all. I mean, if you were a burden...

0:53:120:53:14

you know, we wouldn't have worked so hard to get you home.

0:53:140:53:18

Rob was saying that he would like more of the sort of cuddling,

0:53:180:53:22

"I love you"...

0:53:220:53:24

Mm-hmm.

0:53:240:53:25

..stuff.

0:53:260:53:27

Yeah, I'd like to get back to a normal husband

0:53:270:53:29

and wife relationship.

0:53:290:53:31

For the last however long, I've kind of had to take in a slightly

0:53:310:53:35

more of a parent-y, carer-type role, haven't I?

0:53:350:53:37

You closed your eyes and shook your head when Rob was

0:53:370:53:41

saying the bit about, erm, wanting more of a husband and wife...

0:53:410:53:44

-Mm-hmm.

-..relationship. What were you thinking about?

0:53:440:53:46

He's just a perv.

0:53:460:53:48

OK.

0:53:480:53:50

THEY LAUGH

0:53:500:53:51

It is! Just go and get a shag, I don't care.

0:53:510:53:54

But I haven't.

0:53:550:53:56

If you're gagging for a shag, go and get one.

0:53:560:53:59

What's the matter with you, why are you laughing at me?

0:53:590:54:02

What a conversation!

0:54:020:54:03

What's up, Oscar?

0:54:070:54:08

What do you need? I'll be back.

0:54:090:54:12

Are you getting tired?

0:54:130:54:15

You're happy to be back.

0:54:200:54:22

Mm-hmm.

0:54:220:54:23

But then sometimes I think you'd rather be somewhere else.

0:54:230:54:27

I'd rather be in my own home.

0:54:270:54:29

What about a care home?

0:54:290:54:32

That wouldn't have bothered me if that's what...

0:54:320:54:34

Where would you rather be, here or a care home?

0:54:340:54:36

Here.

0:54:360:54:37

You say you don't really feel loved by Rob.

0:54:430:54:47

Do you still love him?

0:54:470:54:50

Yeah. We've been together 22 years.

0:54:500:54:53

It doesn't switch off, but I feel like I'm a burden.

0:54:530:54:56

If you were in your own home...

0:54:580:55:01

-Mm-hmm.

-..somewhere else, with the dogs,

0:55:010:55:04

pets, then you wouldn't be living with your kids.

0:55:040:55:08

They don't speak to me. It's not the same.

0:55:080:55:12

It's all they can manage to say "hello" in the morning

0:55:120:55:15

and it is literally, "Hello".

0:55:150:55:17

Not, "Hello, Mummy, how are you? Have you slept well?"

0:55:170:55:21

Nothing. There's no conversation any more.

0:55:210:55:24

So I'm just stuck in the middle.

0:55:250:55:28

A burden that can't hoover.

0:55:290:55:31

Where is...? Where's the Spinosaurus?

0:55:360:55:39

Can you show him to me?

0:55:390:55:41

'I left Rob and Amanda, feeling their predicament was both painful

0:55:420:55:46

'and deeply relatable, and admiring the courage

0:55:460:55:50

'they showed in working so hard to keep their family intact.'

0:55:500:55:53

It's not far from the unit.

0:56:020:56:04

'On the units in Leeds and Liverpool, there was

0:56:040:56:07

'only time for some catch-ups and goodbyes.'

0:56:070:56:10

Is this your spot then?

0:56:100:56:12

Yeah.

0:56:130:56:15

It's not too bad.

0:56:150:56:16

It's all right. It's a bit cold.

0:56:160:56:18

New digs.

0:56:180:56:20

So you're in your own... So it's semi-independent accommodation,

0:56:200:56:23

-away from the main building?

-Yeah.

0:56:230:56:25

-That's right, isn't it?

-I've moved on to the next part of my rehab.

0:56:250:56:29

So it's sort of a promotion of a sort, isn't it?

0:56:290:56:31

It feels like this is my home and I've found a sense of belonging.

0:56:310:56:35

'So how are you, Louis?'

0:56:370:56:39

I'm doing well. How are you doing?

0:56:390:56:41

Things is getting better now, though, innit?

0:56:410:56:43

'Yeah, you've been there two weeks now.

0:56:430:56:46

-'And you're doing all right, aren't you?'

-Mm.

0:56:460:56:49

'I'm still glad when you get home on a Friday, though,

0:56:490:56:53

'you said this Friday, "Oh, I feel better already."

0:56:530:56:56

'And he came home this weekend and he was as good as gold for me

0:56:560:57:00

'because I've burnt my arm, he's been so thoughtful, so considerate.

0:57:000:57:05

'It was like having the old Earl back.

0:57:050:57:07

'I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't.'

0:57:070:57:12

'Uniquely, among physical impairments, brain injury

0:57:130:57:16

'affects our deepest sense of who we are.'

0:57:160:57:19

Blue eyes, brown eyes... Brown eyes, with glasses...

0:57:200:57:25

'In my time immersed in it, I'd met people caught between old

0:57:280:57:31

'and new selves.'

0:57:310:57:33

It looks a bit like I'm wearing war paint.

0:57:350:57:37

NATALIE LAUGHS

0:57:370:57:39

'Working to get their former lives back

0:57:400:57:43

'but with a changed sense of who they now were.'

0:57:430:57:46

Is that seriously for me?

0:57:490:57:51

Yeah. It's just popped, it's still hot.

0:57:510:57:53

This is good, just popped.

0:57:530:57:54

'The challenge they were engaged in was nothing less than to recreate

0:57:580:58:02

'themselves, with new limitations but also great possibility.'

0:58:020:58:07

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