Episode 5 Operation Meet the Street

-JAMES MARTIN:

-I've been finding out about loneliness.

It's one of the UK's biggest issues right now.

It's just a feeling as though you don't want to be here any more.

And I don't have anybody to go,

"Yeah, fine. We'll do this together."

Do we really care what happens next door?

Do we really understand what happens over the road?

Nobody would notice if I disappeared

and just feeling like you have nobody to share life with, really.

There are people suffering in silence all over the country.

Nobody can tell you how it really feels,

'cause there's no word to express it.

It makes me think of my grandparents,

what they went through, when,

you know, my grandmother lost my grandad,

all those times she must have spent at home.

Since he went, I just can't cope.

I'm convinced the answer lies in the community.

We could all make a huge difference here.

THEY LAUGH

So I'm recruiting a few friends

to take me back to the communities where they grew up

to find out if a bit of good old community spirit

can in some way make a difference.

We need laughter back in our lives.

THEY LAUGH

We just have a giggle

and that makes it.

It's going to become easier.

It's liberating, really liberating to think, "Oh, it's cool."

Britain has a spectacular countryside

and for many people the idea of living the rural dream

is a picture of rolling hills,

village fetes, peace and tranquillity.

But it has its downsides.

I personally grew up in the countryside

and I can remember feeling often sometimes a little bit cut off...

..just being, of course, a long way from your friends.

But rural life has changed dramatically,

even since I was a boy.

There was a time when the surrounding land

provided most of the jobs a village needed to thrive.

A time when people spent their whole lives in just one place

from one generation to the next.

But it's a very different story these days.

People may well live in the same idyllic surroundings,

but more often than not they commute out of the village to work,

shop and even socialise.

I've come to Kirkby Thore, ten miles from Penrith in Cumbria.

Helen Skelton grew up here

and recently married in the village church.

If anyone can tell me about Kirkby Thore, she can.

So, Helen, tell me about the area.

This is a brilliant place to grow up.

I grew up on a farm just on that field,

so when I wanted to come into the village,

we used to come over the field, bike down this lane.

And my gran lived in the village.

And my uncle still lives here, my cousin still lives here,

my mum and dad, my brother,

so it's a great place to grow up and it's a place I'm really proud of.

When I was a kid growing up here, there were things going on.

There was harvest festival, there were Halloween parties,

there were fete days, there were dances in the village hall.

But I think that happens less and less now

because people tend to go into Penrith.

And I think, if I'm honest,

our parents put a lot of effort and a lot of energy

into making sure there were things for us to do in the village.

And, you know, my gran as well, she ran a thing called Friendship Club.

So she used to get all the old ladies together in the village

and they'd sit around and have a cup of tea and things like that.

I don't know why it has changed.

I genuinely don't know why it's changed.

I know that they tried to have a fete day here a couple of years ago

and it wasn't very well attended and that's a shame,

-so that puts you off.

-Yeah.

But hopefully we can remind people that they're great events.

Well, fingers crossed. Cos it all stemmed from over there, didn't it?

It is my actual house, yeah.

I mean, obviously officially I have a house with my husband elsewhere,

but my mum and dad still live there, my room's exactly the same.

I lived there until I was 23.

-So what were they? Were they...

-Dairy farmers.

My dad was a dairy farmer and my mum actually works in a primary school

which is about 50m along here.

-Come and say hello at the door.

-Who's there?

-My mum.

-Oh, your mother.

-Yeah, this is where she works.

This building wasn't here when I was at primary school.

Thank you.

-This building wasn't here?

-That bit wasn't.

-They added that a couple of years ago.

-Right.

But this is where my dad went, my auntie went, me and my brother went,

-my cousin went.

-See, you were lucky. I had a portacabin.

-Oh, well, we've got luxury. We've got bricks.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Hiya!

-Hello, Mum.

-I used to try and climb through there.

-James.

-Nice to meet you.

-Hey. Nice to meet you.

-How are you doing?

I couldn't see you with the sun.

I was saying there isn't as many, like, there's no fete day any more,

no harvest festival and stuff like that.

Why do you think that is?

I think, probably, fete day, things change, don't they?

You know, obviously when you were younger,

you know, it was like from one year to the next

we were planning what you were going to dress up as.

And I think now, parents, it's different, isn't it? They work.

-Maybe we were stay-at-home mums.

-I never thought of that.

-Because you didn't work until we came to school, did you?

-No, no.

And none of our friends' mums worked then, whereas now people work.

Do you think that would happen again?

-It's difficult to get one person to do it.

-That's right.

Or maybe if you got a group of you, then it's easier to spread the burden, don't you think?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

I think there's plenty of young people in the village

that would be happy to get it going again.

I think it just stops and it takes a little bit of getting going again.

-Thanks, Mum.

-Cheerio.

-Bye-bye!

-Bye-bye.

-So were you Donald Duck or Daffy?

-Alice in Wonderland.

-Oh.

I always got a tiger and a fat hippo. That's all I got.

No wonder I didn't win anything.

Is there anybody you don't know around here?

If Helen is right and the community hall isn't the thriving place she once knew,

then it would be good to fill it with laughter and conversation.

Yeah, I was spoiled growing up. This was kind of my playground.

It certainly is a stunning part of the world.

We've got a lot to think about today, a lot to do.

So the idea being that I want to use that community hall back again,

open it up and then bring the community back together again

how it was when you were growing up.

Yeah, I'd like to remind them of the good events we used to have here.

-OK. So you've got a few doors to knock on and so have I.

-OK.

All right. We've got our work cut out today.

The aim is to give locals the nudge they need to get out of their homes

and get to know the people who live around them a little better.

So Helen's on a mission to re-create the buzz she recalls

from her childhood in the local community hall.

Rural communities particularly rely on each other for support

because of their isolation, so I'm convinced that we'll find

plenty of people in Kirkby that could benefit from an introduction.

Some will know each other well

but many won't even know each others' names.

And that's where Helen's local knowledge comes in.

She's known some of these people all of her life.

There is Mrs Aldridge, the head of the kitchen when I was at school.

An incredible lady. She still drives her horses, I think.

When we were kids, we used to lean over here and feed the horses.

Let's see if I can get her attention.

-Hello!

-Hello, Helen.

-Long time no see.

-Yes, indeed.

-How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-You look very busy.

Yes, trying to get the garden squared up before the winter.

-Now, this evening, we are having a gathering in the village hall.

-Yes.

4.00 till 6.00. Get everyone together and everyone have a chat.

Well, it's enlarged a bit since you first knew it, isn't it?

-And there seems to be even more families.

-Yes.

How many years have you been in Kirkby Thore now?

-50, exactly. We came in '64, yes.

-Well, we'll definitely see you.

-All right, you've twisted my arm.

-Oh, thank you!

-Well, we'll see you later on.

-OK.

-Thank you. Nice to see you.

And I won't be in my wellies and my dirty things...

SHE LAUGHS

-Hello! Nice to see you.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Fine.

I must be getting old if I can say I went to school with your children

and my mum is now teaching their children.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. The grandchildren, yeah.

How long have you been in this village now?

Oh, 55 years, nearly. Born and bred here.

There feels like there's a real community spirit here

-but there isn't as many events and things, is there?

-No, no.

And when we do have them we kind of make a good show of them

and we try and get as many people involved

but sometimes we kind of have a bit of a flop,

but we try something else later on and, you know, it's variety.

Not everything suits everybody.

Remind us what it was like when I was younger

because I feel like there was fete days and all kinds of things going on.

Yeah, all those things. We had a wonderful fete day.

I was looking the other day at some pictures of the fete

and there was hundreds of people down the rec.

You were kind of the leader in terms of youth activities.

You were always putting stuff on, organising things.

What do you think it's like for young people now in this village?

The youth group came and went and it got established again

but then it kind of fell on its nose a little bit

and I think there was a lack of support there.

I feel like there's quite a few families

who've got a bit of an appetite to get things going again

because there's a lot of young families.

-I didn't realise how many young mums live here now.

-Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we've got quite a young kind of profile on the estate here,

apart from myself, I think.

And they are, they kind of want things for the kids

but we need lots of people to get involved and be part of the community

and have that ownership to it as well.

-And be willing to support it.

-Yeah.

What sort of challenges do you think people face here,

-living in a place like this?

-Well, transport is the big thing.

It's getting people from A to B for work, for social, for whatever -

shopping, things like that.

There is a bus service but it's sporadic.

You need a car if you live here

and it can be quite isolated in that sense

because we've had people move in

and struggle to get to places because of the transport infrastructure.

So if you've got a load of shopping to get,

you've got to time your bus and pick the right one otherwise you've got to walk,

which is about three-quarters of a mile up the village.

Would you mind coming down to the village hall later on and sharing your expertise?

-That'd be great. Yes, I'd love to. See you, then.

-See you, then.

Okey-doke. Thanks, now.

It's not just village life that's evolving,

the agricultural industry has also radically changed

over the past 30 years.

So for farmers, who were once the cornerstones of rural life,

community is not what it was.

When I was on the farm as a kid,

everybody used to help everybody else.

As they did.

You know, you had threshing days, you shared machinery,

you had big gathering days for the sheep off the hills.

They still do a little bit of that to some extent,

but not like it used to be.

I've been doing this for quite a while now

and you think of loneliness and depression

and everything else is brought on by bereavement

but...sometimes it's not because of that.

Sometimes it could be you've got your kids who've been helping out on the farm.

They go off and do their thing and all of a sudden you're left.

You're left on your own. That's right.

But if it isn't dealt with

and if you don't get to the nub of what the problem is,

then eventually it can be that

that loneliness and depression starts to set in.

So if you can get in there as soon as you can, we can help.

I can really get my head around farmers being lonely.

It's pretty much a full-time, solitary existence.

But I would have thought a village life was pretty warm and friendly.

Kirkby is growing and new people have joined the village

since Helen lived here.

It's a while since I've been here.

-Hello!

-Hello.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Helen.

-Hello. I'm Dan.

-Hello.

-Hi. I'm Helen.

-Hi.

-Have you lived in the village long?

-Um, it's about five weeks.

-Oh, so you're very new.

-Very new. Yes, yeah.

-Very new, yes.

And have you been to this part of the world before?

-Do you know much about Kirkby Thore?

-Uh, no.

-Not Kirkby Thore.

Been on holiday in the Lakes District but not in this area.

So what made you move here?

-Uh, it's a long story.

-A very long story, yes.

I used to be a vicar in the Midlands and Kristy was also ordained.

-And how are you finding Kirkby Thore?

-Brilliant.

Yeah, really good, yeah.

It reminds me very much of the village I grew up in in Somerset.

But the great thing about it, as well, is when you meet people

-and chat with people, they're always smiling.

-Yes.

And we've lived in some places where it's taken two years to get people to smile at you down in the south.

But it's great. We're really enjoying it, yeah.

Well, the timing of this is perfect

because it doubles up as your welcome-to-the-village party.

-Yeah, that's right.

-So we'll see you at the village hall a bit later on.

-Yes.

-Absolutely.

-See you.

-Bye-bye.

So how long have you lived up here?

I lived at number seven for 15 years

and me and my partner have lived here for 3.5.

-Well, that doesn't sound like a Cumbrian accent.

-Liverpool, yeah.

I bet that was a bit of a shock, moving from Liverpool to here.

Did you find it difficult at all?

At first I found it quite hard

but obviously I've got quite a lot of good friends now.

I have family here as well, so they obviously introduced me to people.

So I've got quite a lot of family around here as well.

The children love it. It's just brilliant.

Everybody looks out for each other. It's really, really nice.

Were you surprised by that, then?

Um...yeah, at first, because I'd obviously been in the city

for so long and then coming here it was quite a shock, really.

But I prefer it like this. I like it.

-Right, we'll see you at the hall, then.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you!

Not everyone settles comfortably into the community.

For some, however idyllic the setting,

a village is just not the dream it should be.

Jo recently moved here

and her husband frequently works away from home.

She has few friends in the area

and is struggling to fit in with village life.

-When you look at it, you think it's the perfect life.

-Oh, totally.

You're 29 years old, everything you could wish for.

On paper, it's absolutely just amazing

and this is just why you feel really guilty

because you've just got the most amazing vales on your doorstep.

You've got beautiful views, you've got absolutely everything -

until you're stuck in a house with a two-month-old

that's screaming constantly and all your friends are at work.

I live in the most amazing place in the whole world and I'm miserable.

Yeah, sometimes you kind of just go...phew,

"God, I wish I lived in a town."

So what does loneliness feel like when it's at its worst for you?

The world feels such a nice place when you're not lonely.

And when you're lonely all you want is somebody to make you feel better

but you don't have that. So...

It's...seriously, it's disabling

because all that loneliness needs

is somebody to make it better, is company.

You can't be lonely when you've got company

and you've got somebody

that actually wants...to be a part of your life

and wants to keep you company.

So when you don't have that,

but it's such a small thing that you need to make it better,

it does, it feels like... it feels like...

..there's an element of yourself that just doesn't work.

Mummy!

Jo's loneliness has trapped her in a vicious circle.

Although she craves company, she finds she's pushing people away.

I used to love, love, absolutely love entertaining

and people coming to my house.

But now I just, honestly,

I dread the thought of anybody ent...

Like, my dad comes and visits and I have to tell him,

"I'm really sorry. I'm not going to be any fun."

And he's really, really struggled with the difference in me.

And I still feel the same.

I feel like I'm getting worse

and I don't know how to get myself out of it

and it's really frustrating

because it's hard once you're sat in a pit

to think, "Oh, I'm going to get myself out of this."

It's really, really, really difficult.

Going to put your shoes on.

SHE GRIZZLES

Oh, Mummy's going to put her shoes on. Where's Millie's shoes?

I have sat in front of a mirror and gone, "Seriously, is it that bad?"

And it's not.

But when you're on your own in these four walls -

and I've got a lovely home, I have a lovely home -

and you just feel like an ungrateful...piece of work

because you don't embrace it.

Life has changed dramatically for Jo since the birth of her daughter.

Mummy!

The community spirit that Helen has found still exists here,

yet hasn't touched Jo.

Having a baby can be a traumatic time.

The truth is, Jo is not alone in her feelings -

she just doesn't realise it.

You suddenly find yourself alone with a baby

with actually very little confidence and knowledge

of how to look after that baby.

I remember someone describing it to me as being given a Ferrari

before you've even had any driving lessons

and put in the middle of the M25 and told to drive it home.

And that's exactly how it feels.

It's this absolutely overwhelming sensation.

But also I think what we don't appreciate

is the amount of time we spend with that baby on our own,

just the two of us,

during those daytime when your partner is at work.

And it can feel like an incredibly long day

to fill those hours and hours.

You sort of imagine that maternity leave might be

a lot of lying on the sofa watching daytime telly

but actually little babies are incredibly demanding

and it can be a long, lonely, isolating day.

And certainly for me, I finally, for the first time in my life,

identified that what I was feeling was loneliness.

-JO:

-I got really, really low about two weeks ago.

And I was like, "Do you know something, I'm going to...

"Come on, Millie, let's go for a walk." And we went to the church.

I'm not religious but I was like,

"There will be somebody in the church to talk to."

I walked into the church and there was nobody.

And I sat there and went, "I just want somebody to talk to."

Really, I was so desperate for just somebody just to say hello

and just to go, "Are you having a good day?"

And to go, "No, do you know something?

"I'm having a really awful day.

"Please just talk to me and make me feel better."

But there is nobody. During the day, there is absolutely nobody.

I sometimes will go into the village shop.

I'll just go there to buy something absolutely random,

just so I can go, "Hi. Good morning."

WOMAN: Having children is a really, really challenging

and life-changing time

because people don't realise

the impact that it's going to have on their lives.

So often they find themselves at home with the children

and their friends that they had before are busy doing their lives

so they lose a lot of their networks.

And then after having a child, you're not at your most confident

because you're doing something that is so new and unknown to you.

But every parent experiences this sort of doubt,

this feeling of sort of low self-esteem.

Every parent struggles while they're getting to know their child.

As if Jo wasn't finding things hard enough,

things are about to be compounded, as she's expecting her second child.

What should be wonderful news has lost its shine,

as Jo feels so isolated.

The thought of doing that all over again in such a small place

with a second baby and a toddler

without the support of...

..people is really scary.

Really, really, really scary.

It's amazing that somebody like yourself

with a second child on the way

would ever feel...like that at your age.

Mmm.

Cos you would think you've got everything to look forward to.

And to say that it's filling you with dread...

Oh, my God, I'm so frightened.

I don't think I could possibly put into words...

..how petrified I am.

Daddy.

The thought of having two children...

I treasure my little girl so much but I'm so frightened.

And I don't have anybody to go, "Yeah, fine, we'll do this together.

"I'm your friend. It's fine."

And it's really scary.

It's really, really scary that I'm just going to fail even more.

MILLIE CRIES

I've got to be honest, when I started this journey,

the last person I would expect to be lonely would be somebody like Jo,

a 29-year-old new mum

with everything to look forward to in life.

So it's basically just a matter of getting people communicating,

getting people talking and putting the jigsaw puzzle together.

And Helen's done a great job.

She's found lots of villagers willing to come to our event.

All we need now is to find a few more young mums.

-Hello!

-Hello.

-Sorry to interrupt.

-That's OK.

I'm just inviting you to a community event at the village hall.

-Oh, all right.

-Between four and six.

Just bringing a few people in the village together.

These are quite new houses, so I'm guessing you've not been here that long.

Yeah, they've been built three years this September.

-So how you are finding Kirkby Thore?

-Yeah, it's nice.

I've just had a baby, so I've kind of being at work normally

and just getting used to the village now.

But it is nice. Everyone's quite friendly.

Do you know many other mums in the village?

I know one other girl that I knew before

and I just met another girl yesterday

when I went to get Tom weighed, so starting to meet people.

Well, will you bring him down a bit later on?

Oh, yeah, that would be lovely. Yeah, thank you.

-We'll see you at the village hall, then.

-OK. Thank you.

Thanks a lot. See you.

And there are some mums Helen already knows.

-Hello!

-Hi, Helen. How are you?

-All right, thanks. How are you?

I'm very well, thank you.

If you're moving here from a city, do you think for some people

it'd be a bit like, "Whoa! There's not a lot going on"?

I was nervous about coming here

but I'd lived in a village previously

so I knew how difficult it could be being isolated.

But I learnt how to drive before I moved here so I could, you know,

get to where I wanted to go if I needed to, even though there is a bus service.

We've got some new mums coming as well,

so maybe you could just kind of help them out a bit

and point them in the right direction.

-Yes, I will do. I'd love to.

-Thank you very much.

-It's a pleasure.

-I'll see you later.

-See you later. Bye.

-Hello!

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Good. Come on in.

-Thank you very much.

-How are you?

-Good, thank you.

-So, how long have you been in Kirkby Thore now?

-14 years in October.

Talk to me about the village because it's quite a big village and there are different parts, aren't there?

I think there's like 2,000.

Because there's a good shop and there's a good school,

so there's things like that.

But when I lived here there was a fete day and village dances

and things like that. There doesn't seem to be that any more.

No, there's not so much that, which is a shame,

cos I think that would be quite good to kind of have that going on again.

Do think there's an appetite for that?

I think so, yeah. Um, well, we would go.

Can it be isolating being a young mum?

If your partner goes to work or goes to work away

you are left alone with the baby.

And if you don't make yourself go out,

you can be just stuck in your house.

So that's where community and village life can help, I guess.

Yes. Yeah.

-Thank you very much. I'll see you in a bit.

-See you.

I've been thinking about Jo and she's really brought it home to me

how even in a village,

a lovely friendly village like Helen has described to me,

sometimes it can feel desperately lonely.

It seems to me that Jo could fit easily into the community

if she just had the chance to meet some of the other villagers.

It feels like a vibrant place,

so I can't quite work out how Jo has become so isolated.

I decided to put her claim

that nobody was around in the day to the test.

Right enough, 20 minutes passed without me seeing a soul.

I soon felt the need to meet someone. Anyone.

Thankfully, the village shop is open.

-Brenda. James.

-Hi. How do you do?

-Nice to see you.

-And you.

Now this really is the centre and soul of the community, this shop, isn't it?

-It is rather, yes.

-And how long have you been here?

We've been here 15 years.

There aren't many shops near here, are there?

-You're pretty remote here.

-We are, yes. Yes, we are.

We're a dying breed.

Now, would it be fair to say you know most people in the village?

-A lot of them, yes. I won't say I know everybody.

-Yeah.

-No, no.

Would you be surprised if I told you that there was a lady that I met

that just comes in here because she wants to have a chat?

Oh, no, it wouldn't surprise me.

It gets them out and it gets them to meet different people as well.

-Would you be surprised if I said she was under 30?

-Yes, I would.

-Mmm.

-You were anticipating somebody a lot older, weren't you?

-Well, I was, actually, yes.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Do you think there could be more... I'm not saying better...

-No.

..but more for the community, on the whole?

Um, yes, I think there could be.

-I see a For Sale sign out the front.

-Right. We'd like to retire.

Cos it would be so easy for somebody just to buy this

and to close it.

Yeah, but I don't know what they'd do with it.

-But it could happen, though, couldn't it?

-Yeah, it could.

So you want your retirement, as you sell this,

and move within the village, the one thing that people rely on, really,

is this place to get their bits and bobs, that could disappear.

It could. I hope it doesn't come to that.

-Is the black pudding any good?

-Brilliant.

-Oh, it is.

-Let's have a look at it.

-Yeah, yeah.

-It's baked in the oven.

-It's baked in the oven, is it?

-Yeah. As opposed to...

Local pork black pudding.

It's good. It's really good black pudding.

Are you after buying the shop, are you?

No, I wasn't after buying the shop.

But I've been here two minutes and she's trying to flog me it.

SHE LAUGHS

Now, having been brought up in a village myself, I know how important

shops like this and post offices can be to the community at large.

And even more so with here, really.

And it just goes to show if they lose something like this

how fragile this community can be.

The same is true of public transport.

There's a regular bus service

but not all the buses go through the village.

Some stop at the end of the village on the main road.

So if you were elderly, how the hell would you cross this road?

But you have to take your life in your own hands to catch it.

You get the feeling this is really the lifeline to people of a certain age.

And if they can't travel and they can't get out,

this really is so important.

And if this goes, and things like the Post Office,

you can see what is an idyllic lifestyle

turning into a bit of a nightmare.

-WOMAN:

-Transport and public transport can be really important.

At the moment, there are major pressures on budgets across the country.

Often older people, in particular,

maybe as they approach a time where they aren't able to drive any more,

public transport sometimes is the only way of getting to their groups

or their local markets or their local towns even.

And so in rural areas, transport is particularly important.

A quarter of people over 60 living in rural areas

find public transport their biggest challenge.

And as we live longer and our older people get older,

then they're less likely to drive any more, they might lose partners.

The local shops that used to sustain the villages may not be there

and they have to drive out to supermarkets.

The bus services are being cut.

So their life just becomes very sort of isolated and insular,

and it might only be a few miles but that can be a huge gap

if you can't travel.

It's not just shops and buses that make a community strong.

One thing that I found is that it also relies on dedicated individuals

to put it together.

These people give time, support

and energy to make areas they live in a better place for everyone.

However lovely Kirkby Thore is,

there's always room for improvement...

-Hello! That was a little hand.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-How are you doing?

-Hello!

..and new people to take up the baton.

One of the biggest things for us is finding somewhere where

we can play safe with the children in the village.

That's one of the biggest things. I mean, we've got...

There's two little small playing areas but we have a huge

recreational ground and it's just not used, not utilised.

-We are trying to get a rec committee organised which...

-We'd like to.

Yeah, we'd like to.

But it's getting everyone involved from all areas of the village.

It's a great little village but it's the only off-road place that's safe.

Yeah. So we just need to do it up and get organised.

But we're more than happy to do our best and try and get funding

and raise money so we can have a club house and new park facilities

and just somewhere where everyone, all of us, can go.

When I was younger, that rec was used quite a bit.

-There was a pavilion and there was some swings and slides.

-I know. We've heard all about it.

The swings and slides, the roundabout, are the same swings

and slides that have been there for 40 years.

To be honest, it's dangerous.

She's cut her hands on it before and things like that

and it's just... It could be so much better than what it is.

Would you guys be willing to accept that responsibility

and kind of get it off the ground and help it go forward?

-We've said that we'd...

-It's all about everyone mucking in, really, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, we've said that we'd...

And if you want something for your family,

then you need to obviously put the effort in.

Well, come down to the village hall later.

I suspect there will be some people who share your views

-and maybe we can move this forward.

-Yeah, definitely. Absolutely.

-Great.

-We'll be there.

-Nice to meet you.

-See you later. Bye.

-Bye.

I feel really lucky to have grown up here.

It's a really special community where people care about each other

and today I found out there's a new generation of people coming to this

village and I'm really looking forward to seeing all of those

people come together.

Hello! You all right?

Head on in anyway. See you in a second.

I feel a bit nervous. I feel like I've invited people to a party.

You know when you're a kid and you go, "I hope people come"?

I hope people come and I hope people talk and already the young mum

from up the village has said to me, "I've never been in here before."

And I thought, yes!

With the promise of a few pies and a mug of tea,

the village hall is filling up with newcomers and with young

and old people who have lived in the village all their lives.

You wanted a motorbike jacket? Go on, then.

SHE LAUGHS

It's put a smile on his face, anyway.

There's a few conversations happening that could put

a bit of energy back into the village.

I mean, how the heck do you go about trying to get...

One, there would never be enough people interested to build...or try

and build hopefully, another thing.

And how the heck do you go about doing it?

Well, there was a guy already started this

and they've had a package together with new building design.

-Well.

-I believe it's about £105,000.

But then it just kind of fell on stony ground

-and didn't kind of go any further.

-I'm so... When she's been...

They've raised enough money for the church and the things that needed

doing on the church, which is great, but for the children now...

There's a lot of kids in the village now and there should be...there

needs to be something more in the village for them.

I feel really excited because I'm very proud to have grown up here.

It is a brilliant place to grow up

and I feel really excited meeting Ben and his family.

He said, "I want to do this

"and I want a great place for my kids to grow up."

And for me that's quite...yes!

I can see you're quite touched with it now, aren't you?

I spent half of my childhood in this hall with my parents' mates,

my grandparents' mates, and I would hate to think that kids that live

here now don't get that, and it looks like they do.

Oh, yes. That's my...

There is a real energy in the room and conversation is flowing.

Jo is in full swing with a lady she's regularly seen

but never actually spoken to.

My little daughter,

we take her for a walk pretty much every day to your field.

-WOMAN: To look at my horses?

-To look at your horses.

Come down sometime and get introduced to the horses.

I'm not working now so I'm usually about the place,

perhaps in the garden.

But either give me a ring or come down and see me.

That would...That would be really nice. Thank you.

-James, this is Natasha and this is baby Tom.

-Hello, Natasha.

-Nice to meet you. Are you all right? Who is this?

-This is Tom.

-Tom!

-How old is Tom?

-He's 19 weeks today.

-19 weeks today.

I've got somebody I want you to meet who's also moved in to the village.

Relatively new. Got a little girl as well.

I think you've got something in common, obviously.

Do you want to meet her?

With old photos to look back on and memories shared,

the room is buzzing,

and it's not long before Jo finds herself surrounded by other mums.

We've been really lucky that the weather's been

so nice recently that we've been able to go out and about for walks,

but when winter draws in, I don't know,

it's probably going to be a different story, isn't it?

I suppose that's the time when you invite people into your home, isn't it?

Get to know each other a bit better.

I need friends so that I can invite people into my home.

Soon as a mum discovers a like-minded mum,

whether it be online or whether it be in real life, somebody who says,

"That's exactly what happened to me," a huge burden lifts.

It is that overwhelming sense as a new mum that you're the only one,

you're the only person feeling like this,

you're the only person experiencing this set of circumstances.

It is a shared experience being a mum.

Not everybody experiences it in exactly the same way,

but to find somebody who is willing to say,

"I had an experience like that," lifts an incredible burden,

and immediately you think, "OK, I found one.

"Maybe there's more."

If you've got no reason to go out of the house, you do stay

-and sit in the house.

-Is that why you try and walk a lot?

-Yeah.

-Sounds really sad, doesn't it?

-But you know something?

It makes me feel so much better because it's been exactly how

I feel.

My husband does work long hours and I don't tend to see him

till about half seven, eight o'clock at night.

I feel like I bombard him with,

like, "OK, this is what I've done today."

And he's like, "I've just walked through the door."

"But you're the only person I've spoken to!"

I've had people come to my door to do something for breast cancer

and I invited them in and I kept them in my house for an hour.

I was really lonely. I was just like that, "Oh, will you just come in,"

and I honestly I chatted to them.

But I just needed somebody to talk to. It was wonderful!

-It was the highlight of my week.

-Bless you.

-FREEGARD:

-I thought I was the only mum who'd experienced loneliness.

I now know that the vast majority of mums have times not just occasional

loneliness but exceptional loneliness when they're at home with

a new baby, particularly in those early months and early years.

Nice to see you anyway.

It's heartening to see that the village hall is full of not only

the stories of the past but opportunities of the future.

For me it's been lovely to come back into a village

and remember how special it is.

I had an idyllic childhood and I've walked around here

and been reminded of all that.

You probably take it for granted and you take somewhere for granted

-until you leave it.

-Yep.

And I didn't realise how special this community is.

I got married in this village only a few months ago and...so now

everybody asks me, "When are you going to have children?"

And if I lived here,

I'd have them tomorrow cos my mum's down the road.

My oldest friends from school are at the other end of the village.

But actually now I don't live in a community with this kind of support.

I don't really know...

I know my neighbours but not the next ones and I haven't known them all my life.

Now, I was watching in there -

you were quite touched with what was going on in the background.

Because I think I left here for work and so people always think,

"Oh, yeah, rural sticks. Cumbria. Nothing goes on there."

And actually this goes on.

This is priceless and this is quite special

and you don't get that in other places.

I'm looking at this and thinking, "I wish I had that where I live now,"

because even if...

You know, I know my neighbours but I haven't known them my whole life.

I don't feel like I could walk in and have a cup of tea,

where actually there were dozens of houses in this village

I could walk in and have a cup of tea.

What amazes me about doing stuff like this,

this is not your dinner dance or stuff like that.

There's not many things like this, which is just a good old chinwag, isn't it, really?

A couple of people came in and said, "What's happening?"

I said, "Just a chat."

So, yes, you don't have the transport links

and you don't have restaurants and bars on your doorstep.

But you have something else and I think it's nice that we've

had an opportunity to remind people of that.

As the event winds down,

it seems some of the contacts made today will definitely meet again.

And I've got the other lady's number if you want to come

-and walk dogs as well.

-Oh, no, that'd be really...

My dog needs friends. My dog needs friends just as much as me.

SHE LAUGHS

Yay!

I really hope that Jo's new friends will introduce her to

the joy of the village that Helen holds so dear.

-It seems like you're enjoying it.

-Do you know something?

I can't stop the smile on my face.

Honestly, I've gone from really struggling to going, "Oh, my God.

"Somebody actually wants to be my friend."

And I know that it's just like an initial...

MILLIE GURGLES

Yeah.

-I've given you your number.

-Yeah.

-Already, even after, what, you've been here 45 minutes, an hour?

-Yeah.

You're already exchanging numbers with people

-and I get a free biscuit.

-Yeah. Oh, my word. She must love you.

She's taken that off me. I don't think so.

When she turned around and said, "Well, some days I just stay in

"if I don't go for a walk," and I'm like, "Oh, my word.

"That's how I feel."

And you can go from feeling really sorry for yourself and going,

"Do you know something?

-I'm in a pit and no-one else is in the same situation."

-Yeah.

But somebody to just turn around and go, "That's how I feel."

It's just... It feels like somebody's gone...

This is a village with a strong heart.

But in any community, there will people on the outside.

Today the community got bigger and I hope that will last.

These mums are the future of the village

and from the look of the friendships that are forming here,

the future looks pretty good for Kirkby Thore.

-So, shall we arrange to have a meal here sometime?

-Yeah.

-Before we go?

-And then it's booked.

-Not you. You're not invited.

You're not invited.

Over the next few weeks, Jo and her friends form

the kind of relationship that Jo had previously missed.

-JO:

-I told you you'd have friends today!

It's amazing how being part of something, whether a community or

a group of friends, can make us feel like we belong.

When I found out I was expecting, I was really scared because I thought,

"I'm going to be in a village...

"I don't know very many people.

" ..with a toddler and a new-born baby."

And it frightened me.

It really, really, really, really frightened me.

But if you actually look, this is a really nice village

and there's some really, really nice people.

And I've gone from feeling lonely to going,

"There's loads of people to hang out with."

It's quite nice.

It's so less daunting. So less daunting.

Which is reducing the stress on me, which is kind of allowing me

to enjoy my pregnancy, and it's liberating,

really liberating to think, "Ooh. It's cool."

It's not just been Jo's life that's been affected by this series.

It's hit me too.

I've got to be honest, it's been both a tiring

and an emotional journey for me.

In a way that people have opened up to me that I've never had before.

Everybody that I've met on my journey,

you would think we're living a normal life.

From the outside, you kind of look at it and go,

"There's nothing wrong with them," so you turn your back.

But I suppose we've all been to blame

where we don't actually stop...

..and just say, "Hi."

There's got to be something fundamentally wrong for us

to just ignore it.

It's not a disease,

it's not a medical condition that you can fix with tablets.

It's kind of fixed with a phone call.

A knock on the door.

A conversation. And that costs nothing.

Time and time again, I've seen the weight of isolation lifted

when people have taken the time to listen and to share.

It's been an experience that has really touched me.

To be asked to be a part of it I found amazing, fascinating...

..and such a humble experience that I'll never, ever forget.

And some of the people I've met have had a profound effect on me.

And you find it it's very lonely, life.

Makes me think of my grandparents, what they went through when,

you know, my grandmother lost my grandad,

all those times she must've spent at home, and when you got there

the brave face that she puts on and when you leave, the silence.

What could I have done about it? Could I have done anything about it?

Yeah. What can I say? It's life-changing, isn't it?

Simple as that.

If you're feeling isolated, then visit our program website. Go to:

Or get a pen ready for the Helpline number at the end of the program.

There are organisations near you who can help tackle loneliness

and plenty of opportunities to volunteer and help others.

Small things can make a huge difference too.

Why not take more interest in the people who live on your street

and keep an eye out for them?

It's just...in our busy lives,

just for one minute just give a darn about somebody else.