Episode 4 Operation Meet the Street

Ammanford is a typical Welsh coal mining town

that sits in the Amman Valley.

Despite the mines closing in the 1980s,

it has retained a strong sense of community spirit.

These are resilient folk who have a history

of pulling together in times of hardship.

And I've enlisted the help of a local girl who still has

strong links with the town.

This is the home to One Show presenter Alex Jones,

who is proud of her Ammanford heritage.

She has strong memories of the neighbourhood.

Well, I mean, it's a small town, James,

that was really heavily reliant on mining, you know, back in the day.

-Yeah.

-A mining strike happened in 1984.

And it had a real impact, you know.

-It's always been a real close community here.

-Yeah.

Built on industry, really.

But after the mining strike,

a lot of the big factories closed down.

But even back then our neighbours, the people who lived opposite us

and the people to the right of us, were both miners,

and, you know, Mum and Dad rallied around.

We didn't realise as kids, but, you know, Mum and Dad would

take their kids to school because they didn't have money for petrol.

-Yeah.

-You know, but it was just a community like that.

And I hope today, you know, as we go and meet a few people here

and there, that we'll see that that still exists here.

Well, we've got a lot to do today. I've got to meet a few people.

-I want you to go knocking on a few doors...

-OK, I can do that.

Introducing yourself to the town.

-And then we're going to have a bit of a do later on.

-Lovely.

-We love a bit of a do around here.

-Exactly.

So you go that way, I'll see you in a few hours.

OK. See you later.

I've hired the pensioners' hall.

The idea is to fill it with locals

and to find out if Ammanford's strong community will come together

to help each other out.

As Alex is a local girl, I reckon she's got a better chance

than anybody of persuading the people

to leave their houses for a bit to join us.

Hello. Hiya. I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.

I'm not sure there's anybody at home.

It's estimated that one in ten of us

across the UK suffers from feelings of isolation.

My experience so far has found that whilst on the face of it

communities are friendly, there's a big difference between saying hello

and having meaningful contact with those around us.

And I'm learning that people can fall through the cracks

for all sorts of reasons.

Many of us will at some point in our lives be confined to our homes

because of ill health or

because we're caring for someone who is long-term sick.

This transition often leaves people feeling isolated.

It doesn't take a genius to work out that getting out of the house

and meeting people will combat loneliness

and reduce its negative effects.

But what if leaving the house causes more pain than it's worth?

Kate and Paul are a young married couple who fell in love

when they were just 17.

We met at school.

There's a picture here of us at Christmas our first year.

So when was this? Your first year together?

Oh, yeah, our first Christmas together, yeah,

so when I was 19 and when Paul was 19.

So, after our first year of university

we moved into our own flat together in Cardiff.

But their young love was soon dealt a heavy blow.

Kate had ME and her condition deteriorated rapidly

within 18 months of getting together.

Paul went from history student to full-time carer.

They both completed their studies, but now rarely leave their home.

Although together, they both feel isolated.

It feels like an emptiness inside, like a pain, almost,

that you can't touch.

And that...

You know, that's hard for Paul

because it's the only thing he can't really make better.

He can't make me feel better about the fact

that I feel like I have no friends

and that nobody would notice if I disappeared.

And just feeling like you have nobody to share life with, really.

Paul and Kate are housebound

and their routine is based entirely around managing their illness.

Now, what's the average day for you?

I spend all morning in bed and then in the afternoon I try

and come down here and maybe do an activity.

I quite like crafting.

Around the evening time, we'll have dinner together and then we'll

probably, like, watch a film together or something like that.

And then obviously go to bed.

What part of the day do you and Kate feel so lonely?

Probably at night, you know, when you kind of get to that point where

you're just watching TV cos that's all you can do.

Typically, that's when people socialise, they go out together.

When was the last time you went out?

I went to the doctor's a couple of weeks ago, maybe two weeks ago,

something like that.

I try and go out about once a fortnight for an hour or two just

kind of for my own sanity.

When was the last time you went out with your friends?

-Oh...

-Or is that something from university?

Yeah, it was...

..probably years ago.

I knew what I was letting myself in for. You know, I chose to, um...

But it has been very difficult.

It's a lot of stress, a lot of pressure.

I had to do my degree full-time, care for Kate on my own full-time

and I had to have a job.

So you get overwhelmed, there's so much pressure.

He's amazing, really.

I idolise my dad and I always thought, like, I'll never meet

anyone as kind as my dad, but Paul is exactly like him in lots of ways.

He's very kind, he has infinite patience with me.

-Do you feel as if you're a burden on him?

-Yeah.

I try and get rid of that feeling, but it just stays.

You just always feel like, um...

..you're the person that's blocking them from a life.

This happens to me and I don't have any choice about it,

but he has a choice.

He could go and just have a normal life now,

and especially when I see it making him ill.

You know, he doesn't seem to resent me at all for the way our life is,

even though he could go and live a completely different life.

And I've even sat him down and said, you know,

"I think it's fine if you would rather us break up and..."

-Is that what you've sat down and said?

-Yeah. And...

It's tough for you, then.

But he said that the thought had never crossed his mind.

-But then that leaves you on your own.

-Yeah.

But when your illness is taking over someone else's life

and you love that person, you want them

to be...have the life that they dreamed of

and not be stuck in a house looking after you.

-Is that what you feel?

-Yeah.

Do you know what? I've been privileged in my job

to meet some amazing people,

but I've never met a couple as positive, as brave,

as committed to each other as those two.

For Paul to give up everything that any 19-year-old would ever wish for

to care for somebody you love so much,

it's kind of an inspiration for us all, really.

Whilst they have each other, hearing that they both feel

so alone really is heartbreaking.

Kate adores animals and I'm convinced

that if, on one of her good days,

she could spend some time pursuing her love of animals,

it could also free up some time for Paul to follow his love of writing.

I've learnt there are places offering animal therapy

across the UK, and as luck would have it, there's one such place

right on Kate and Paul's doorstep.

Being around animals in general can take away that

feeling of loneliness.

Especially when you're with an animal that wants to be with you.

The thing about being with animals is that they're very genuine,

that everything that they show you is true,

whereas you don't always get that with people.

That's one introduction I can make at the gathering we're organising.

Alex is on a roll. She's knocking just about on every door.

-Hello.

-Alex.

-Hiya. Alex, yeah. Hello.

-Well, how are you? Welcome home.

-Thank you very much.

Do you feel ever lonely

or do you feel you've got enough people around you here?

You do miss company going out, yes. You know, sometimes, innit?

So how do you keep yourself busy, then, during the day?

-I make musical instruments.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-Well, I'd love to see your instruments.

-Yes.

-Come in, then, and have a look.

-Is that OK? Yeah? Are you sure?

-Yeah, positive.

-Have you hoovered, now?

-Yes!

Wow! That is quite something, isn't it?

And you've made all of these?

Gosh.

It just goes to show that behind closed doors lie great stories

and hidden talents.

See you later. All right, ta-ta. Ta-ta.

Community spirit really hinges on finding a few positive people

who will get involved.

And a bit of encouragement from Alex.

-Hello.

-Hiya. Nice to meet you.

Hiya. Hiya. I'm Alex. Hiya. Lovely to meet you.

So how long have you lived, then, on the estate?

This particular street, 20, 21 years.

And you must have seen it change in that time.

Oh, I moved here and the tarmacking hadn't been done in the road.

And, you know, how have you seen it change, then, over that time?

When we first all started living here,

we started building community associations.

And were you involved, then, in this residents' association?

Yeah, I was the treasurer and the children's coordinator.

The neighbours passed away and then it just all faded away then.

Yeah. So, are these your girls?

-The first two.

-The first two. All right, not three of you.

So, what about young people in this area, then, Amanda?

You know, is there plenty for them to do around here, would you say?

No, there's not a lot around here now.

-We've got a little park over the road, but that's for toddlers.

-Mmm.

But what do these girls spend time doing?

On their mobile phones and their tablets.

But there isn't a lot around here for them to do.

I mean, is there plenty of work in Ammanford these days?

No, there's not a lot of work in Ammanford at all.

-My daughter's just recently lost her job.

-Oh, never.

-So, but there's nothing around.

-No.

Since I've been out of work,

I've just been like a couch potato, really.

-Mm.

-You know, there's no communication any more.

I just seemed to have locked myself away.

-Come along this afternoon, then.

-I will do.

-And that's a starting point, isn't it?

-Definitely.

Lovely, Amanda. Lovely to meet you. See you later.

-Thank you. Thank you.

-All right.

So, the towns and cities across Britain have people like Amanda

who are more than capable of getting their community together.

A few strong characters can really motivate many others.

Nice to see you as well.

I reckon the plan might just come together here.

Yeah. Hello. Alex will do you.

It's been a really lovely experience to come back here this morning.

There's this real strong sense of community here, especially meeting

somebody like Harry, who seems to know all his neighbours.

And I guess the same as well with Amanda.

She seemed really comfortable and, you know,

she said that even though they don't have the events

they used to do, there seems to be a good support system

within the community. Of course you've got, then, people like Sue,

who is a little bit isolated

even though she's just a couple of streets away.

And it's such a shame because there's such lovely people

living on her doorstep that she doesn't realise are there.

So hopefully this afternoon we can just connect everybody and, yeah,

just expand their network a little bit.

The more I get to understand the issue of loneliness,

the more complex the subject seems to be

because really, before I started this journey,

I thought it was just a subject that affected the elderly.

But I would never even in my wildest dreams think that it would affect

somebody the same age as me.

Simon is 41. He lives with his partner and two children.

Simon was an active man.

He worked as a trainee paramedic and in his spare time was a keen biker

and martial arts enthusiast.

But in recent years

he's suffered from an illness called fibromyalgia.

Despite wanting to be a writer, his ambition is restricted.

He lives in constant pain, and as a result has hardly any social life.

I had to give up work, had to give up my studies,

I had to give up my martial arts,

I had to give up things that I enjoyed, like walking and...

You're literally stuck in these four walls, are you, really?

Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much.

-I'm assuming 8:30 in the morning, everything goes quiet.

-Yeah.

I have nothing to do until about two o'clock in the afternoon.

-And how do you cope with that?

-Just, I sleep a lot.

-Right.

Um...I read a lot.

And...there's literally nowhere for me to go unless I go to, like,

the shops or I take a special trip out in the car somewhere

to a library or whatever.

I've got no interaction and that's what I miss.

If I could get you to explain what loneliness feels like,

what would it be for you?

It's like you've fallen into a hole

and the only way out is to cry enough tears

to float you to the surface.

That's how it feels.

It feels like you've...everything that once made you you

has drained away.

And you're just stuck, stuck in the hole.

-And you don't see any way of getting out of it?

-No.

-No way?

-No.

Well, I've got to say I'm kind of shocked, really,

because when you think of loneliness as a subject, you think of -

well, certainly not somebody of his age, my age.

On the outside, you look at it as the perfect family.

And it's not until you dig deep in there where you realise that...

..you know, this is a guy that's in constant pain.

And because of the medical issue that he's in,

he's then got depression which then causes loneliness,

you get to understand

that loneliness is not just a single thing,

it's an accumulation of lots of things.

But...

..it shocked me.

The real tragedy is that there are plenty of people who can help Simon.

I hope that he comes to the event later.

It will be a big step for him,

but I'm sure with the right introductions,

he'll find a new purpose.

Lonely people are much more likely to withdraw into themselves

rather than seek emotional support.

But as hard as it may seem,

making an effort to meet new people is essential.

I've got to admit, Simon has really got to me.

And got to me in a way that if he could only just find an outlet,

something to do more than anything else,

a place where people could just accept the fact that he's ill,

and that some days he may not feel like talking about anything,

including the fact that he's ill,

I think that would take a lot of pressure away from his family,

but most of all, take a lot of pressure off Simon himself.

Men aren't great at communicating their feelings face-to-face.

But give them a hammer or a chisel, and they won't stop talking.

That's something that makes

the UK Men's Sheds Association so successful.

It's essentially a club aimed at bringing men together

under one big shed roof.

So, Robert, tell me about Men's Sheds.

It's a very simple idea - it's basically that most men,

when they get to retirement age or they're unemployed,

they can often lose heart, lose that kind of sense of dignity

and pride that a lot of men sort of have with their work, as it were.

Once that goes, it can get very difficult.

Our idea is very simply, instead of sending the guy down

to the bottom of the garden in his shed,

getting out from under the feet of a lady, to actually get them

to meet together, set up their own shed which they own

and they look after and then the rest is up to them.

They can either produce their own stuff, whatever they want to do.

There's no time span, there's no pressure.

The kettle is the most important thing in the shed

and they can really enjoy themselves.

There are men with all sorts of different interests

and backgrounds who feel a lack of social interaction.

If I can get the folk from the shed together with Simon,

I'm sure it will help Simon out of his rut.

It's nearly four o'clock and the pensioners' hall is open

and already, people are turning up to help out.

There he is. It was the balloon.

Today is really about encouraging people out of their homes

to see what can happen when they all come together.

Paul and Kate haven't been out of their house for weeks.

It's an impressive turnout.

This isn't an elaborate affair.

It's just people, cups of tea and a few sandwiches.

That combination, though, means the community has come together.

Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to our community event.

It's so nice to see so many of you here.

So, first of all, we're going to have some traditional folk dancing

with a group I used to dance with when I was younger.

There's plenty of dancing and singing,

but this event is really about talking.

And there's one conversation I can't wait to start.

This is Simon, guys.

-Hi, Simon. Nice to meet you.

-I am Roderick. Nice to meet you.

I'm going to leave you in their capable hands.

I'll come back in 10 minutes for you.

-Robert and Roderick?

-Yeah.

Meanwhile, Alex is making some introductions of her own.

Hey, you've turned up. That's good.

Again, the theme of sharing skills

is emerging as a way of uniting people.

These two boys have got an interest in guitars,

maybe about learning how to play guitar.

Harry can teach you anything.

He can teach you to make them, play them, anything you want to.

Come on, Lynsey.

'I really want Simon's partner Lynsey to meet Paul and Kate too.'

Lynsey has got a partner called Simon.

Simon has gone through an awful lot in his life, pain as well.

But one thing that Simon is really into is writing.

-Oh, yeah?

-Hugely into writing.

-So this is Kate and Paul.

-Nice to meet you.

And they live down the road.

You're, like, a stone's throw away from each other.

What I'd like to do is see if you would like to come along to a shed,

get the feeling of it, have a cup of tea,

sit down, talk to some of the guys.

And if you fancy it, you can become part of a shed

and we can work from there.

-Sounds all right.

-Sounds good.

That's a good start for Simon, but what about Kate?

This is the first time she's been out of the house

and talked to new people in ages.

I know she would love to go out more if she could.

She has a passion for animals,

so I hope my animal therapy plan really works.

Kate, I've got somebody I'd like you to meet.

This is Kate. Easy to remember, you see?

It's lovely to meet you.

Kate works for an animal sanctuary.

Now, I know that you loved your animals, you've got your cat.

But I thought the two of you need to have a chat

because I think both could benefit out of it, all right?

-OK. Thank you.

-Happy?

-Yeah.

-Good. You got enough chocolate?

-Yeah.

Through a person's life,

people have times when they go through sadness or trauma

and that can really affect a person's confidence.

And being around the horses can make a big difference to that.

So it can improve a person's self-belief,

help people find a bit of inner peace.

The noise levels in the room are on overdrive with conversations

and it seems Paul and Simon have connected too.

So what is your angle? What is your ambition for writing?

Well, I like writing short stories and I like writing novels.

Yeah, well, I got involved the last time,

but I found because I didn't have transport, I couldn't get anywhere.

People are enthusiastically talking

about how they can help the community

and finding out how the community can help them.

Brilliant. It was nice to see people get together and do a bit of salsa.

I'm going to join in my family housing now with a few tenants here.

I can't remember the last time

we went to something like this together.

Yeah, I found myself smiling more and being a bit more confident

because I'm interacting with people and they're interested in my life.

Hopefully, we can build on that from here now

and start getting out there a bit more, getting to meet some people.

Yeah, it's been a really good day.

I've got to say, after this morning, on a personal level,

I was kind of feeling a bit down.

But this afternoon and the conversations

that I've been having in there, there's definitely hope.

This could be the start of something really special.

Let's just hope they keep talking.

Ammanford has pride in its community,

but sometimes people can feel left out.

Making steps to include them doesn't take much effort

and it can make the world of difference.

Things didn't stop for the people in the community.

Starting with Kate, she made her first trip

to the animal therapy centre just a couple of weeks later.

-Hello.

-How are you?

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

-Shall we wander on down that way?

-Yeah, that'd be great.

So up here on the right, this is our offices.

So you know all of the donkeys and horses here are all rescues.

-Yes.

-They've all got quite sad stories.

Hello.

-So he's about 18 months old.

-Yeah.

He left his mum when he was quite young.

Places like this sanctuary provide some therapeutic help.

Just being around animals and stroking them

can help people with all sorts of conditions.

So this here is Archie. He's about eight years old.

And this one is Taco. He's about a year, maybe 18 months.

Being here today has just been incredible.

I was really, really excited cos I remember how good it felt

to be around animals growing up.

And I really enjoyed being back around the horses and the donkeys.

Just stroking them, it really felt good

and I just can't wait to come back.

I can see that in my week, this is just going to be something

I'm going to look forward to, something I'm going to think,

"Oh, that's going to be an hour of just happiness."

You can see how he's stepping closer to you.

So the more comfortable he feels with you,

that was his choice to step towards you, which is a lovely sign.

Having the donkeys, especially, just respond to me

and want to be around me, I think when you're lonely,

that's always going to feel good,

that's always going to feel like acceptance

and bring up your confidence and just make you feel good.

There you go. You can have one as well.

Give it a good push.

She's clearly loved it. She's so happy.

You can see that by the smile on her face.

She's grinning. She won't stop.

And she's clearly really relaxed as well.

I think it's just taken a bit of a weight off her,

just spending some time with these horses and donkeys.

She's in an environment that she loves.

And I'm sure she'll be so excited about coming back here again,

I mean, hopefully making this trip down here a regular thing.

There's no reason why I couldn't use this time now

to do stuff for myself,

meet up with some people, maybe commit myself to some writing -

whatever it is that I want to do with the time.

And, yeah, it could be really beneficial to both of us.

Kate now has a reason to try to leave the house.

It may seem like a small step,

but it's opening a whole new world to Kate and Paul.

All right, guys?

Simon has also found a new lease of life.

He took up the invite to see a men's shed in full flow.

Hi, Simon. Robert. Welcome to The Squirrel's Nest.

-Hi there.

-Good to meet you.

-How are you doing?

-Good, thanks. You found us.

Yep, and we're interested in starting one up

in our locality as well,

so any information you can give us would be...spot on.

I've got lots of that. And of course, I'd love to show you around.

-Brilliant. Let's do that, then.

-OK. Come in.

Of all the items that the men had made,

there's one piece that's really got Simon's interest -

a set of hand-crafted pens.

-Wow.

-So there we are.

Wow.

You can learn to make one of those in a couple of hours.

OK, well, I'll take these.

For Simon, the event has encouraged his love of writing.

He's now considering a book about the stories of the men in sheds.

Since the event, I've been far more positive than I was.

Having some project to work towards has made a massive difference.

Instead of now sitting on my own in the house just dwelling on issues,

I've got an actual focus, you know, so I can get my notepad out

and sketch ideas down and sort of plan

a little bit of a calendar of events, you know.

And sort of try and get everything together.

It's having the opportunity to share time and space with someone

and an activity with someone without having to explain, yeah?

With them just understanding.

You'll probably be interested.

-Be glad, my friend.

-Yes.

Oh, this has already woken me up to a whole new horizon.

Simon now aims to start his own shed, specifically for writing.

Oh, they're wonderful. They really are.

You can't possibly imagine the pain

that Simon and Kate must be going through with their illnesses.

But having spoke to them and knowing a little bit more about them,

I know what they're going through mentally.

And I just hope that the connections that they've made will be of help.