Episode 5 Paul O'Grady: The Sally Army and Me

I'm probably not ideal material for the Salvation Army.

And even now, you know, I'm outspoken,

I've got a bit of a mouth on me - I'm known for it -

and I don't toe the line.

And I've no intentions of toeing the line.

That's... I don't want to.

Because I'm a firm believer in "you have to be true to yourself."

'But at many different times throughout my life,

'our paths have crossed.'

So I'm curious - very curious -

because this is like no other job I've ever done before.

'So on the 150th anniversary year...'

Oh, here we go.

'..I've been working with the officers and volunteers...'

Vegetable soup?

And you. Fantastic. You enjoy that?

Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah?

'..on my very own Salvation Army training course.'

Do you know, you're putting me off old age with all this.

'I've travelled up and down the country...'

If it hadn't have worked out for me,

I could be in your position now.

Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

MONITOR BEEPS Look at the size of him.

..and even abroad...

It's too much.

CHILD CRIES

Tonight, I'm sent back to my hometown of Liverpool...

Come on, girl.

..to meet a woman whose drug addiction has ruined her life.

I lost all my family,

but I still couldn't stop.

'I deal with the few of my rhythm issues...'

'..and I use my stand-up comedy experiences

'to help a man who has hit rock bottom.'

Now everyone's trying to get me to STOP talking.

'And if I make it through all that, I'll be a step closer

'to leading this Sally Army band

'down London's Oxford Street.'

It's fabulous.

I remember every Sunday

they were always down the bottom of our hill -

you'd hear the Salvation Army band,

cos me mother'd get up and shut the window.

That's how you knew the Salvation Army band!

She would, she'd get up and shut the window.

Cos she'd be watching the telly or listening to Radio Merseyside.

So she wasn't in the mood for Bringing In The Sheaves,

whereas I was, funny enough.

Thank you. Come on, Babyface.

'I'm over halfway through my three-month

'training programme with the Sally Army.'

You want me to do a Bible class for children? Yeah.

'Step-by-step, Jo has exposed me

'to ever-increasingly challenging aspects of their work.'

Come here. Hello, lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet ya, kiddo.

If your kids are hungry, or you're hungry...

You're going to eat. ..you've got to eat.

She took me to the front line,

helping refugees in Greece who have escaped the horrors of war.

I mean, that's a two-month-old baby lying on a park bench.

A humbling experience, and one I will never forget.

Just like a pebble in the ocean, that's how I feel...

hopeless.

And now, it's time for my next mission.

We believe that, as part of the healing process,

it's really important that people are able to share

their experiences with others.

So those that work in this area of service need to learn how

to guide people through that.

So I've sent Paul to North London to meet David.

He wants to share his story in a really brave way -

onstage as part of a comedy act -

and I have a feeling that Paul's natural comedic presence

will actually help with this bit of training.

BUZZES

Hello?

David? Paul, how are you doing?

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Former pub landlord David has been living at Cambria House

for the last seven months

since depression led to an attempt to take his own life.

First, I was in denial that anything was wrong with me.

Even when I'm in hospital on a drip, I'm was still saying I was OK.

I seemed to have this problem that I bottled everything up.

I would not ask for help.

I just thought I could handle everything myself,

and clearly I couldn't.

And I realise that now.

You don't realise there's help...

and so you're there in a dark, lonely place,

and you don't see a way out.

Do you mind telling me what happened?

I...

just got myself in a bubble.

And it's weird, it's like, "I don't want to be here any more."

You needed a friend at that time, didn't you?

You needed somebody to confide in.

Well... Somebody you could talk to?

..everyone'd say, "Get the beers in, you'll be fine."

Men don't talk about their problems. Men don't talk about their problems.

I'll tell you something - there's a terrible stigma now attached

to depression - to any mental health issues -

but I think things are changing now.

And what you want to do, by talking about it,

it's going to make a dramatic difference, I think.

The Salvation Army was the first organisation in the world

to provide suicide prevention programmes.

In the 1890s, they had an arrangement with Broadmoor,

the secure psychiatric hospital.

They offered aftercare to men released from the asylum

at their Hadleigh Farm in Essex.

In 1907, its founder, William Booth, opened an anti-suicide bureau

in London that helped those contemplating suicide,

and the bereaved.

It's still going now.

Today, over 75% of suicides in the UK are by men.

Us men are less likely to ask for help.

'To move forward in his recovery,

'David has decided to share his experience with others,

'and he's going to do this using comedy.

'And that's where I come in.'

ANNOUNCER: Live from London,

the Blonde Bombsite herself,

here's Lily Savage!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MARCHING BAND PLAYS

I had one last week, seriously, and I went...

I staggered down, opened the door,

he said, "Have you sinned today?"

"Give me a chance, I've just got up."

Comedy's very cathartic

because, you know, if you've had a bad day...

I used to do it when I was doing Lily -

I'd warp it slightly to suit Lily, you know,

and then I'd get up, I'd let it all out, the rage and the anger,

and the angst out, and I'd feel fabulous afterwards.

I've got the hump. I have. I've just woke up.

When you have a little kip in the afternoon - it's fatal, isn't it?

Isn't it, though? Because you wake up like the wrath of God.

LAUGHTER

I woke up like that girl in the

Exorcist - me head was spinning... SHE GROWLS

LAUGHTER "Your mother knits socks in hell."

SHE GROWLS

It was the same with problems.

When I started to do me own thing, had a heart attack and all that,

and me partner died,

I spoke about it.

But I didn't speak about it when tragedy struck.

You know, "I've had this terrible..."

I made fun of it, really.

And I think that helps other people who are in that situation.

You know, they look at you and they think,

"Actually, I'm not the only one."

Now tell me about this comedy act. I'm dying to know.

What are you going to do?

Have you sort of written that down, like an idea

of what you're going to say?

I've always got ideas, and...

because of the stigma around

suicide and mental health,

and people are worried about what...

they're going to listen as soon as I walk in...

so I do, like, an icebreaker, which is that I'm suing paracetamol.

PAUL LAUGHS Because they didn't work?

No, I took 80 of them and woke up with a headache.

See, that's a good opener.

The most important bit about comedy is your first couple of minutes

when you get onstage.

That's when you have to grab them. Grab them. That's a good one.

You have to say that deadpan when you say that.

"I'm suing paracetamol."

That's great that you're able to get up in public

and talk about suicide and depression, and make a joke of it.

And also, there's the elephant in the room, you see.

So if you come out and don't mention it, people are thinking it.

So you have to mention it.

When I had the heart attack, I used to say,

"It's very nice to be here. Actually, it's nice to be anywhere."

You know, and all this business...

Cos... it's not you, cos you're comfortable with it. Yeah.

But you can sense in the room that

everyone's scared to mention it.

It's like... So you have to break the ice.

But you're talking about your own experience,

and you're laughing it off.

You're not treating it lightly, but the thing...

The important thing is, you're talking about the subject

of suicide and depression, and bringing it out into the open.

And there's light at the end of the tunnel. Of course there is.

Well, you're the example. Look at you, lit up like a beacon there,

cracking on about it!

I don't think you've got me worried.

David is performing here at the House of St Barnabas in Soho -

the headquarters of a charity which helps homeless men

to get back into employment.

His audience will be a mixture of friends,

people who work for the charity, and Salvation Army members.

He's probably nervous, so I'll have a few words with him,

and hopefully he'll go down a storm.

I think he will.

He's got a ready-made audience, hasn't he?

They're going to be sympathetic.

They better bloody had be, put it that way,

or they'll have me to deal with.

Right, come on, let's get this show on the road.

Can I come in? Hey... Look at you.

Oh, it's good to see you, David. Good to see you, Paul.

You look fantastic. Thank you.

Let's have a look at you. I love the shoes.

You can't be in Soho and not wear pink.

Exactly, yeah, yeah.

Or leather. DAVID LAUGHS

What... You're not nervous, are you?

I'm not nervous at all. Good, that's what I want to hear.

Don't be nervous, cos you got a nice audience out there.

It's actually nine months to the day that a priest was

standing over me, and told me I wasn't going to make the night.

PAUL TUTS Well, look at you now -

resplendent in pink, and about to get up and do the act.

Are you on a mic, or is it in a smaller room?

It's in the chapel... Oh, is it? ..so it's got to stay clean.

Oh, OK. OK. DAVID LAUGHS

So we don't want nothin' blue, do you hear? No filth.

OK?

Right, the big moment has arrived.

Fingers crossed for him.

I do hope they laugh.

PAUL: Erm...

Well, good afternoon, everybody.

I had the privilege of meeting a very special young man.

Please would you raise the roof for this man himself - Mr David Standen!

Thank you.

Give them what for, kid!

Thanks, Paul. It's really weird. They said, if you put

a man that's going to talk about suicide in the room, he'll empty it.

Put Salvation Army in the room, they'll empty it.

Well, we've managed to fill it!

Yes, I am jobless, I am homeless

and I'm house-trained,

but don't be phoning Battersea, I'm not up for adoption.

Shame, I just got you a new owner, as well!

Why I'm here is serious, but with a light side,

because nine months today, exactly today, I come round in hospital

and it led me to think about suing the pharmaceutical company.

I took 80 painkillers and I woke up with a bloody headache!

Then I was told I can't sue them

because it's in the small print, "may get headaches".

So that's the funny bit.

So what led me to suicide?

I just didn't want to be here any more.

I felt worthless, I felt useless.

And I was still telling people I was all right,

but the hospital wouldn't let me go, they knew I wasn't all right

and then I realised, you have to open up, you have to start talking.

And why I'm here after nine months is that I've opened up, I've started

talking, but now everybody's trying to get me to stop talking!

That's now the problem.

So, with that, I'd like to thank you all for coming.

Come here, you! Well done, that was fantastic.

Did you enjoy it? I loved it.

Yeah? Sense of relief, getting all that off your chest

in front of people?

It is, because you have to deal with the past, deal with it,

put it in a tidy little box and put it in the corner of your brain

because experiences make you stronger and they learn you.

And the thing with the past is to remember the past,

but not to live in it.

Listening to you talk about your experiences

and how you came through it is going to help people.

So you're as good as a social worker, a pink social worker.

And you know why that was good? Because it was from the heart.

Thank you, Paul. You meant every word of that and that's admirable,

that's extremely brave of you and I so admire you, I can't tell you.

So let's have more of it, yeah? I guarantee it. Deal? Deal. Deal!

Paul did a really good job of guiding David through

the final stages of his recovery,

but one of the biggest challenges for us in the Salvation Army

is guiding people through the early stages of their recovery.

So I'm going to send Paul to meet a lady who is struggling

with addiction and has chosen to go to rehab.

For this training, he's going back to his roots,

up to Liverpool, to one of our all-female life houses.

Merseyside is where my journey with the Sally Army first began.

My earliest recollection of the Salvation Army

is Christmas when I was a kid.

I'd be down shopping with my mum in Grange Road in Birkenhead

and that for me as a child, not the Christmas tree, not the presents,

the Salvation Army. It used to have an effect on me.

Later on when I was 16,

I volunteered in one of the hostels for homeless men on Norton Street.

Today I've come to the Ann Fowler House, an all-female life house

for vulnerable women who have nowhere else to go.

It's on Fraser Street,

which of course has changed since I was a kid.

I knew somebody who lived in them flats,

so I remember that building well.

It's all gone now.

There's the Old Shakespeare. This is what this is built on.

Everything's changed. It's all so institutionalised - look at this.

It was in places like this

where I started my career as a care worker.

And we worked 14 hours a day,

I had epilepsy, diabetes, Hirschsprung's disease,

two kids with colostomy bags we used to have to change.

You learned on the job, basically.

There was no training, you know, you're thrown in on the job

and you have to learn as you go along and pick up

off other members of staff who were great.

You know, they really were, but, yeah,

I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Not for the world.

Before I talk to the ladies here, I'm meeting Sally Army

support worker Ronnie, who's been working here for the past 12 years.

Come in, Paul. Ronnie! Nice to meet you. I'm Paul, lovely to meet you.

Oh, listen, thanks for having me. You're welcome. How are things here?

Good, good, at the moment. Yeah. How many is in here?

First and foremost,

you're vulnerable because of your homelessness,

but alongside the homelessness there's an awful lot

of other issues as well.

What we try to do predominantly is to give them hope

that there is a future for them.

The girls range in age from as young as 18 up to their late 40s

and they're all here for different reasons.

And how's the girls? Are they behaving themselves?

The girls are great, they're on their best behaviour today.

This is Dawn. Hiya, Dawn. You all right? This is Jo-Ann. Hiya.

And this is Jane. And how are you getting on here?

Are they helping in here? Yeah, oh, yeah.

It helps you get back on your feet and any support you need,

you just ask. We're all going through the same situation.

We're all, you know... Do you all help each other? Yeah.

We've had our ups and downs, haven't we? You're bound to.

Can I ask you, how did you end up on the streets?

My husband died, I sold my house because I couldn't live there,

because it was just too much, too many memories.

Couldn't even sleep in the bedroom, do you know what I mean?

And then I ended up on heroin,

my girls ended up going to live with my brother

and I ended up on the streets.

Well, I always say, you know, there but for the grace of God, go I.

Cos it's so easy to happen.

You have to hit rock bottom to get back up. That's right.

There's only one way to go when you're that low, isn't there, and that's up.

People are too quick to judge, this is the other thing.

A lot of people have family members where they can get on the sofas,

so they become unnoticed, you know, but some people like us lot,

I didn't have anyone I could turn to.

This is Jo-Ann.

She's here because she's struggling with a serious addiction

to hard drugs.

She desperately wants to be clean

in time to spend Christmas with her mum.

Tell me about your addiction, how did it start?

It was crack and heroin, and crack is the one that brought us

to my knees, you know, and really did hit rock bottom with that.

You know... The things that you do to get it, it's degrading.

It's awful, it's just... I lost all my family

because they'd all just had enough,

but I still couldn't stop.

I would have done anything for my children,

but I just could not stop taking drugs.

And that's the power that drugs has over you.

But you're halfway there, because you've admitted this to yourself.

Yeah, yeah. You've been able to say and you can talk about it openly.

That's a massive step. And you desperately want to get off it.

I desperately want to get off it!

Now you're being honest with yourself, because a lot of people

who are addicted won't, they say,

"Oh, I can take it or leave it," and they can't.

I used to say, "I'm quite happy," and I wasn't.

I used to sit in my room and I'd cry.

Even when I'm taking the drugs, I'd be crying my eyes out

because I don't want to be doing it, but I have this... But you need it.

But I'm an addict. I had that choice... And you took it.

..to take that first drug and it's not the last drug that got us

into trouble, it's the very first one that I picked up.

'As well as providing a safe home for people like Jo-Ann,

'the aim of the hostel is always to help them rebuild their lives.

'To move on, Jo-Ann needs to go to rehab.

'She's currently on methadone, a prescribed heroin substitute,

'but her next stage is to be accepted by a rehab clinic

'to get her off drugs completely.

'My task today is to support her through her application.'

Just say all the things you've already been saying to us. OK.

And it should come through how much you want it. You'll be fine, honest.

All right, thanks. Good girl. See you in a bit, good luck.

I'll be here when you come back.

She'll be all right with me, don't worry.

We'll have no messing when we get in there. Come on, girl.

Come on, get my arm. Have you got everything?

She'll be fine, honestly, she'll be fine.

Come on, kid, let's show them what you're made of.

The rehab clinic is three miles down the road.

This is Joanne's second attempt at getting clean,

so she knows the horrors that she will face

if she gets accepted onto the detox programme.

You've got, like, a doctor on call.

You know, if you're suffering, they're going to try

and make you as comfortable as they possibly can,

but it's still going to be a little bit painful.

Is that when the flu symptoms start and all that?

It's when the aches and pains start, yeah.

Is that what they are, terrible aches and pains?

Yes, yes, like having snakes in your legs, it's just...

You know, you've got the blanket on you one minute,

then you're kicking it off. You go hot and cold?

You feel like you just want to saw your legs off.

She must be dreading it.

But no-one can do this other than her.

I just need to support her as best I can.

Well, we're here. Is this it?

I hope Joanne can find the strength to talk to the doctor

as honestly as she's spoken to me.

Hello? Hi, hi. Hi.

I've got my mate here for you to meet.

Hi, Joanne, I'm Tom, I'm one of the doctors. Nice to meet you.

You want to come in? Nice to meet you. I'm Paul, Tom, by the way.

Nice to meet you. You're all right there?

I'm all right, yeah. Good on you, girl.

Take a seat. So I understand you've come here for some detox. Yeah.

Can you just tell me a bit about yourself?

I just turned 40 and...

I've been in and out of addiction since I was a teenager, basically.

Starting with light drugs,

my problem now is heroin and crack cocaine.

It took us to some really bad lows, to being homeless...

I've just had enough. I just need to do this

so I can move on with my life and start again.

I'm better than that and I know I am.

You are, this is it, you are.

You're a smart woman, you know what I mean,

and this muck has dragged you down, you've got to get rid of it.

You mentioned you'd been in detox before. Yes.

What were your experiences like that time? I was terrified.

You know, people talk about being scared of dying,

but, you know, it was the other way around for me.

I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared of living.

I couldn't hold my head up and have a conversation with someone.

My self worth was so low, I probably could've crawled under

a snake's belly and not even disturbed the snake,

do you know what I mean? It was that low.

So when you think about the future, are there certain things you want

for yourself, things you'd like that drugs have got in the way of?

Do you know what? I just want to just...

I just want the simple things in life.

I want to walk in my kitchen, put my kettle on, make a cup of tea.

Have a nice warm pair of slippers.

I mean, it sounds like you're really well motivated at the moment

and that's kind of what we look for

in people when we accept them for detox.

It would be lovely if I could get in here before Christmas

and get clean and, you know, go home and show my mum,

because my mum's not been well either.

That would be one of the biggest gifts, Christmas gifts,

I could give to her, do you know what I mean?

This is the biggest favour you can do yourself,

so I look forward to hopefully seeing you soon. Thank you.

Move on, turn the pages, Cilla used to say. Yeah.

All she wants, as she said, is to have her own flat,

put her own kettle on. That's not a lot to ask, you know?

We're not asking for mansions and a millionaire lifestyle,

she wants the simple things in life that she's missed out on and she's

extremely brave, extremely brave, the way she speaks openly about it.

It takes guts, you know, to do stuff like that,

to come out and admit that you've messed up badly.

Jo-Ann was accepted by the clinic and six weeks later started her

rehab programme.

I seriously wish her all the luck in the world.

Working with individuals can be one of the hardest things that we do

because you have to discern how much help to give and when.

Paul used his own experiences to help David stand on that stage

and to support Jo-Ann.

I think he coped with it all really well this week.

When Paul first arrived, we said that if he got stuck in

and worked really hard, then he could guest with a marching band.

He's not quite there yet! But maybe another rehearsal, just in case.

Everyone knows how much I want to play with the Sally Army Band.

On my first visit, I loved the big drum.

But I've been having sleepless nights about the responsibility

of leading all of them with it.

If I get it wrong, it means I let the whole band down.

Hello, Steve. Hello, good to see you, Paul. And you. How are you?

No, fine, we're all set. Now, listen, I've got a proposal for you.

Oh... We've got your drum here.

I know, but I'd hate to be, you know, up the front

and throw everybody out and me go down a side street or something.

So do you think there's something a little easier? Yeah, yeah.

What do you suggest, sir? We could try a side drum?

Oh, OK, that sounds interesting.

You play alongside the base drum and you can follow me.

Is that all right? I feel a lot better now.

This is kept me up at night, you know. Has it really? Yeah.

I've been practising, I've been going, boom, boom,

in the house with imaginary drums. Been waking you up?

Yeah, people have been looking at me thinking, "He's lost it!"

Well, it'll be the same sort of thing, just with the side drum.

All right, lovely. That'll be better. We'll give that a go.

Fabulous. This is like what we used to have in the Marine cadets.

This is definitely easier. I just have to follow the leader now.

Left...

That's it, so, left foot and then right foot.

So that's the end of the march. Yeah. Got it? Yeah.

If you can, just make up a little bit more of the rhythm

in the middle, don't just keep playing with the bass drum.

You know, try and be a little bit flamboyant. All right, then.

You'll regret you said that!

Did you hear that? I've just been told to be more flamboyant!

Well, that's a first for me.

BAND PLAYS

So far, so good. Time for the big finish.

DRUMS ONLY PLAY

ALL BUT PAUL STOP

EVERYONE LAUGHS

Here we go. Help, help! Help!

No, I'll get it together, I promise.

It's really exhilarating. Playing a drum in the band is fabulous.

A few more rehearsals, I'll be tickety-boo.

I won't lie, I want this, I want my uniform and I want to march,

but a deal is a deal.

And they won't let any old ruffian play with the band.

This is a privilege.

That was great, thanks very much.

Cheers, thank you. Is that all right, Julian?

Very good, thanks, Paul.

Look forward to the day. And me and all!

Thankfully Julian is on the big one,

so he's, like, he's calling the shots so I can do fiddly bits.

I think he liked the idea that he can be a bit freer,

you know, he can... Improvise. Improvise, yeah.

So his natural flair can come out. Yeah.

Much better, I thought he was much more comfortable with that.

But I need my uniform, I can't do it without my uniform, I have to

have my hat, even if I do look like a tram driver, I don't care.

I really look forward to coming here.

I learn how the Sally Army bring joy to people

in their later years of life.

I take on my final challenge of comforting those facing death...

He massaged my heart in his hands and just prayed.

..and I face some tough questions from my mentor.

Whether I've been saved or not?

I don't know whether I've fallen, to tell you the truth.

But will I get my wish and earn the privilege to lead

the Sally Army Band down London's Oxford Street?

I want a nice, bold stripe.

Lace, lace, lace...

(Oh, the haberdashery's amazing.)

# Living in a material world... #

So that's your skirt so far?

We've made you panic.

It's very hard not to panic.

# Living in a material world... #