A Very British Holiday Wonderland

(reveille). First of all, welcome boys, let me introduce you quickly

to the rules. You do not leave the campsite for any reason at all. You

do not enter the marquee if you are wearing a hat. Water fights, there

are three people not allowed to get wet, the oak, the officer of the

day, and myself. Everybody else, including Mr Cutts is fair game.

The first job we have now, let's unload the van and we will tell you

where all the stuff will go. Once we do that, we will gather again

and start camp proper. All right? Good, up we go then.

At white cliff bay, ob on the Isle of Wight -- on the Isle of Wight,

you can see something that is happening all around Britain as a

result of the recession, camping is In this small corner of the island,

are a cluster of campsites, each providing a different type of

holiday for Britain's growing army of campers.

It's on the slope, a bit of a nightmare.

I'm in the middle. Op -- on the right. I'm scared of

spiders and all sorts. I hate caravans! That's a flea.

This is the story of a handful of seasoned caravanners. Bit more, bit

treading on egg shells. And some of camping's newest recruits. I think

Morning ladies. Morning. Alan joined the 2nd Enfield Boys'

Brigade at the age of nine, and has worked his way up the ranks to

become Company Captain. Hello boys, how are you this morning, no

headache, no shivers. First parade eight minutes. Are you all right

Tom? Come on boys. Shake a leg. This year he has brought 18 boys to

camp, seven of them are here for the first time, and about to start

learning the ropes. Morning Reece. Ten kilos of potatos to peel,

straight away, please. Out of your pit now, come on.

OK, first parade. Come on tent one, John, up. OK,

tent inspection is in 50 minutes, parade. Parade full, out.

We have boys that are going to private school, we have boys going

to grammar school, and we have boys that are going to state secondary

modern, or whatever they are called now. But here they are all the same.

Reece, pull your shorts up, clau! We don't differentiate, I just want

to take boys off the street, if you like, so they are not running

around doing nothing, they are doing something creative. It is a

very robust week, it runs to a very strict timetable. They have to do

potato peeling in the morning, they have to wash their stuff up after

the meals. They have tent inspection, table inspection, it is

making me sound like I'm a massive disciplinarian. A lot of fun

involved. It is good fun! 29 minutes.

we're having tent inspection. We take out our stuff, and clean our

tent and get marked for it. boys are divided into three tents,

with each tent competing against the others to win points, based on

daily tasks and contests. minutes. 1-8. A lot of schools

nowadays don't do competitions and everybody gets a medal whether you

come first or last, that is not real life any more. It never is,

once you get out into the real world, you don't get a pat on the

back for not doing something, and we have to teach them. Two of our

guys had to go to hospital, one got bitten on his neck, had he some

lump, and Jem either broke his toe or sprained it, nobody really knows

at the moment. This is Matthew's fourth year at camp, he's been

appointed second in command of his tent. His younger brother, Anthony,

is now old enough to come to camp for the first time.

Tent inspection. That tent there has a bottle on the floor. Anthony

and his tent mate Joseph are exempt from the inspection, because they

have been on potato peeling business. It is different from home,

sitting around watching TV, there is a lot more stuff to do around

here, it is all fields and beach and stuff. In the suburbs there is

hardly anything to do. Because my brother has been here for four

years, I have been at home all of the time, while he has been here.

Obviously I wasn't old enough. Normal low you spend most of the

time -- normally you spend most of the time with my mum. It is really

good for me, it is good for her, just get on with it. But there are

some points in the day that I feel home sick.

What are you thinking at the moment? I don't know.

I'm thinking porridge and sasauges because I'm hungry. Porridge.

thinking food, I didn't eat a lot yesterday because I wasn't well,

I'm starving this morning. Mark deducted. The Boys' Brigade

campsite, up on the hillside at white cliff bay, is where youth

groups and churches can come and stay at reduced rates. A few fields

away are two holiday parks, with static caravans, chalets and

camping pitches, as well as family With two little girls of their own,

and their older boys from previous relationships, Vicky and Greg's

challenge is how to keep everyone happy on holiday.

What's going on at the moment decide that is what we might do

swimming. Because he's not very keen, are you? We would like to do

stuff that he would like to do, wants to do. I would rather go

I'm sure we will be going to me, they forget the little things I

do do, like cleaning the poo out of the toilet, going to get the water,

taking the dirty water away. Ideally I would like to be on a

cruise somewhere, that was one of the best holidays we had. What can

kennels. That is not what I had children for, I enjoy being with

the children and seeing them happy, that is what a holiday for me is

all about, seeing them, seeing the things I used to do when I was

little through their eyes. That is what I get out of it. It is the

freedom they can have here, it is fantastic. We moan about them, and

they are never satisfied, they are have children. Because we love

getting screamed at. That is what we are here for. Is everybody

hungry? You bet your life we are. Is everybody brown? Bolla.

The only woman allowed at camp is Alan's wife, Angela. She started

and it comes to camp every year. I because they will scratch it to

death. The impression I have got, they spend so much time with

computer games, and so much time with hand-held gadgets, and TV, and

things, I always wonder how they to do these activities. But I think

going to be a good camp. Gentleman for table inspection, let's make it

good, go. We have to clean the table and the

we can. Namdi get a tea towel. Namdi start doing the thing, get

the dishes up. Look at that! Don't stuff. I enjoy it. Just take as bit

Probably next camp, or something, I will be used to it. You lost marks

yesterday, take it off, wash it properly. This is dirty water

though. It's OK, wash it properly. It's disgusting. I sometimes want

to interfere with some of the gosh, don't talk to them like that,

later on in life they will be, they will think, I'm stupid, or I'm this

or that. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. He's well run

out of time. Get the benches in, away. Go Joseph.

Like most of the new boys, this is Tom's first week away from his

parents. I'm looking for my hat. It has

disappeared. We think it's in the tent somewhere. I'm going to look

there. What are you doing, Alan? Checking

for cleanliness, primarily. Obviously to make sure that all the

cutry and -- cuttlery and everything is clean. If it is not

facing inwards they lose a quarter of the mark. Soap in the cup,

Michael has run out of time. That is completely not acceptable.

They should be equal distance away, slightly out, spot on. Very good,

you see. One of the objects of the Boys' Brigade is discipline. You

need discipline in life, if you don't have it, you will not get on

in life, you will not get a decent job, you just end up, I don't know.

I don't want to say, I'm not going to say that.

I knew when I was looking at it, there was something wrong here. The

cups are completely on the wrong side, that should be that side.

Like that. I'm looking for my coat. I'll go

and have a look for it, is it definitely not in your case. I have

been looking in my bags and I can't find it. Tom, where is your hat?

it is in the medical tent, because the hatband broke, and then we put

it in the stores tent, and then it went missing, and they found it

again, and it is in the medical tent at the moment.

It is the biggest hat so far. I'm hoping it will win the hat

# Where is love # Does it fall from skies above

# Is it underneath # The willow tree

# That I've been dreaming of # Where is she

# Who...At The holiday park, rehearsals are under way for the

weekly talent show, the winner gets a certificate, and the chance to

compete for the grand prize of �100 worth of vouchers and a trophy.

# Where is love Big round of applause, amazing.

Don't be nervous, everyone's the same amount of nerves, OK, if you

want to do this job in a few years time, then this is a great place to

start. It is a great experience, OK. How do you think it went Cory. That

is your stage when you get up there. You are going to destroy it. Don't

worry about it, go for it, if you mess up with the timing, who cares,

yeah. Thank you very much. See you later

on, don't forget your CD. Thank you, Up on the hillside, across the

hedge from the Boys' Brigade, the congregation of Trinity Road chapel

from south London are spending their annual week under canvas.

The church have invited newcomer Michael to join them on holiday,

following the recent death of his cousin. My cousin passed away, he

got murdered, shot to death and that. It has been hard-mitting,

because it does hurt. It is too much. Do you know what I mean. It

is too much, it is a bit difficult when you are on holiday. When your

emotions are in a position that's a bit negative, you don't want to

kill people's joy, you don't want to bring things up.

You do put on the smile, just because you see everyone truly

enjoying themselves. Michael, one of the things that he said to me,

he says he has run out of fingers on his hands for the number of

people he knows that have been shot and killed. When you lose a loved

one, there is no doing OK. Michael has understood that with friends,

but now he understands it with Am I ugly enough! Oliver is a bit

dirty, so we will have to dress me up. At seven, Adam's already an old

hand at talent shows. Do your voice warm-ups, please.

You see it's torn, and so it's quite old, it is torn. Turn around

scruff. He loves what he does, he's just a

great kid, I'm biased, I know. might get stage fright? You haven't

had that before, have you? I get nervous for him, yeah, I do get

nervous for him. He just doesn't seem to have any nerves. If I win,

I will face the champions of the whole country. They will perform

the grand prize, which is about �50,000-�60,000. How would you like

to win �50,000-�60,000. That will be very nice, that is not what

people will win. It is not about winning, what do we say? It is

about taking part. I'm not doing it for the

competition, I'm doing to enjoy it. Even when I do it in school, I do

it to have fun. It is a bonus then if you come first. I'm singing

Delilah by Tom Jones, it is a boyfriend, girlfriend breaking up,

and the boyfriend going to the house, but things get a little bit

complicated. Although no strange Tory the karaoke machine, this is

13-year-old Cory's first time competing at a large holiday park.

He should have some good support tonight, there will be about ten of

us. His mother, Maxine, Spencer, his brother, his auntie Linda, his

uncle John, my niece, Lauren, and a couple of friends we have staying

down here from our local village back in South Wales.

Teenagers, innit. Aftershave now! Just smell nice for

Can you do it without burning yourself? Do you know how to do it?

I know how to do it. Try to do one at a time, darling, not two.

Ha ha. Ha ha.

It's all the fun of barbecuing, isn't it. It's just nice and

peaceful. Let me turn him round. It's his way

of relaxing, it is my way of getting stressed. I wouldn't really

like to be sitting round there, on my own, turning over burgers, I

would probably try and think of something else to do, try and

multitask, and the burgers would burn, so.

Oi, what's going on in there. (kids screaming) I want my own wine! I

want my own wine! You're not having wine Connie. Please mummy. You just

think about that before you do it. I'll go and get some wine. You just

dare. I think you know when you meet the right person, everything

seems to gel. We have our moments. It might not look it to everybody

else, but to us this is stress-free. We have had a good time, the

children have had a good time. haven't! Ha ha.

These burgers, are done. (beeping) Is Is that the smoke

alarm, how the hell can you burn something, you are not cooking, you

are only warming it up! # Beauty from skies above

I have always said it is granddad reincarnated.

# Until I am beside # The someone

# I can mean # Something to

I don't know, I like to think somewhere he's giving him the

inspiration to do what he does. # Where is love

Well done. How did you think it went? Real

good. He gets undivided attention, being the only child. He normally

has some attention, if not mine, his dad, his nan or granddad. We

try not to big him up too much, if he is rubbish at something, we say,

you are rubbish. We are all for learning your capablities,

admitting your capablities, if you are really good at something you

should get praised for it. # A-b-c- d-e-f-g. You try not to be my child

is wonderful to everybody. Most people think their child is

wonderful. Everyone's child is special. Special to them. Do you

think I'm proud of you? Yeah. course I am, very proud.

# I saw the light # On the night by your window

# I saw flickering shadows of love # On her blind

# She was my woman # As she could see me

# I must have went out of my mind # My my my Delilah

# My why why why Delilah # So before they come

# To break down the door # For give me Delilah

# I just couldn't take any more # Forgive me Delilah

# I just couldn't take any more Well done Cory. Are we ready now to

go over? OK. Key.

I burnt the ciabatta slightly, it is still edible, just cut it off.

It will be fine. To be fair, you have improved, when I first met you

it was anything. It was like this charcoal taste! I think with our

children and our family, we have got to laugh and stick together.

doesn't matter what you have got, as long as you have come from a

happy home, that is the most important thing. Obviously we have

both got failed marriages, but it is nice to think now that we can

try and put that right now, and work hard together. I think maybe

both of us took a while to grow up, that is life, that is just how it

Be careful on that seat, don't mess Good evening, hiya, we have got

some very, very nervous contestants waiting back stage, when they do

come out, please give them a lot of respect, it is quite scare quay to

come up on the stage -- squarey to come up on the stage.

I hope I don't freeze. Contestant number one, it's Cory!

All right, how are you doing? You are all right? There we go, you

have got hold of that mic, we have got Cory tonight, singing Delilah

by Tom Jones, take it away. Come on!

# Forgive me Delilah # I just couldn't take any more

# Forgive me Delilah # I just couldn't take any more

APPLAUSE Give it up for Cory. Well done. How

do you think it went? Amazing! There we go, one more time for

Cory! Well done Cory. Pop yourself down and wait in the wings then. A

round of applause now for our next contestant, Adam. Hiya Adam.

All right? Yeah. How are you doing? Fine. My granddad does that, he

goes, am I done. You have turned it off, you see the buttons, don't

touch them! OK. Is that all right now? Yes. How are you, are you

nervous? I'm a little bit nervous. And what are you doing this

evening? Singing! You're singing. All right then, put your hands

together for Adam, singing Where Is # Where is love

# Does it pour from skies above # Where is

# Love APPLAUSE.

Give a round of applause there for Adam. Wow. Didn't he do well.

Well done. Here is the beehive where are the

bees? Hiding inside where nobody sees. Wait for them come creeping,

out of their hide, 1-2-3-4-5! Buzzzzzzzzz.

APPLAUSE Well done nat tash Shah, that was

fantastic, are you going to take a little bow. Take a bow.

Give it up for nat tash Shah, and mum.

So, then, we are going to find out who the winner of the talent show

this evening is. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, we need a

drum roll on your tables. It's Adam. Well done Adam.

Are you all right? Are they happy tears? Well done!

There we go. You look a bit sad? Yeah, but as

you can see it is happy tears, I always get them.

Happy tears? Your mic stopped working at one point. It did.

just does it for the fun of it, he doesn't care if he comes first and

second, he just enjoys it, that is what it is all about in life,

enjoying what you do. If you can win you win, if you can't, you just

enjoy yourself you enjoyed yourself. Congratulations.

There we are. Come on let's go back to the mob

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 41 seconds

5, 10, 15, 25020. Come on. seconds.

On your marks, get set, go. Just timing them on their timed race up

between Oliver and Kirsty, just to burn some energy off so they sleep

well. 25, 27 seconds. That was cheating, because you pushed it

back up instead of scooting. you have a go and I will get my

phone and time. I will have your watch and time you. I will be hours

not seconds. My back restricts me, the problems with my back restricts

me, activity-wise, over the years it has progressed and progressed,

gradually worse. A few operations to ease the ailments, it has stayed

steady for a good amount of time, hopefully things are static now.

Just carry on with what we are doing with the kids. Paul has

always been a keen camper. But he had to convince Karen that bringing

the kids camping would be fun for her too. I did camping a lot when I

was little. But I'm finding it harder as I get older. You like

your MoD-cons. I know it is great for the kids. I don't think I would

come again. Dad could come with three kids. You could stay in a

hotel nearby. I could, make you jealous, flushing toilets and tele.

I don't miss it at all, not having it. Seems a lot of people have

Ten-minute warning forfeits feets. How can you describe -- For Feats

of Strength feets. How can you describe Feats of Strength. It

wears them out. Hanging on to the bar, push-ups, heavy stuff we need

to carry from one end to another. It is another element of

competition. I said that, listen. Everything we do throughout the

whole week is competitive, inter- tent and against the staff. Which

tent do you think will win? Tent two. Tent three. Tent three,

because we are sporting. There is a sense of the ridiculous, the

pointlessness of it. This will be my fourth year, I won't get wet,

not on this one. You're all right, man.

What is to beat? 1.56 innit. Ahhh. Are you trying to get to two

minutes? 2.10. Ahhhh. The beauty of a waterproof coat.

Well done, 2.12. Look how dry I am with the waterproof coat. I think

it is going to be tired now, because there is different people

good at different things in the tent, so like overall it is a bit

difficult. At least if we lose we lose with dignity. Tent three down

here. One of the officers in charge of entertainment is Alan's step-son,

Chris. He has been with the Boys' Brigade since the age of five, he

left briefly at 18. Then my mum, who obviously oaks here, she is --

cooks here, she asked me to come back to help as staff. I couldn't

believe I had missed it, I was asked on a lads holiday next year,

and I would rather be at camp. A lot of camps on the Isle of Wight

won't even have an entertainments programme, they let the kids have

free time. I think problems develop when they are allowed to do what

they want to do, they get edgey and start mucking around. Want me to

have your glasses. Don't want them to get broken. John, go, go. They

won't have a week like this never their life, it is make sure they

have a good time. All the ones here, apart from the first year, were

here last year. Did we win? I don't know where they are, I have lost

them. Wrfrpblgts are they? -- Why are they? Tom they are

Just thinking the difference, the contrast of like the past two weeks,

and then I'm up here next to sea, sand, sun. The people around me

that care, all of that. I know that just back in London, my aunt is

still grieving, there is rioting, It doesn't really matter, this life

doesn't matter this much, it is the other one that matters the most.

It's all going to come to an end, whether you get cancer or live for

100 years, everybody is gonna die. So when my cousin died, it hurts to

know it was cut short, either way, everybody will die. How old was he?

He was 18. He just got shot. It's Coming up here, has helped me to

heal up. When you are up here, you are in peace, you are all right. Do

you know what I mean, the camp as well, I'm camping, doing things

that are just not the norm. Being around nature, right now I'm around

water, it's all claustrophobic in London. You are on buses that are

crowded, you are on cars that are in traffic. Up here you've got

space, no traffic, no noise, you got nature, you can just appreciate

God's creations and that. See certain animals that you don't

usually see. Like what sort of animals? Not animals, you know,

insects, actually. Not that I appreciate them, but little things

that wildlife, things you don't come across all the time. I have

seen cows, sheep, goats. I have seen people riding horses, just

normally like they are cars and that.

Grab him! Grab him! Grab him. Towards the end of the week, the

new boys are getting into the swing of things at camp. Ahhhh, ahhh.

It's fun. You won't know that much, it is only your first year. Yeah.

You have to find out. One part of me, I do feel a little bit home

sick, but the other part, I have got a -- gotta think, she needs her

time, and it is good fun to come here and play with our friends, it

is a win-win. When you come away, just make sure you behave, if you

behave you can do loads more stuff. You will enjoy yourself more. If

you don't behave, it will probably be a weekend wasted, basically. The

more you behave, the more things you get to do.

Good old fashioned fun, there is no substitute for it. It is harmless,

at the end of the day. Boys will be boys. I think they are not allowed

to be any more. We had a mastive bundle in the

field -- massive bundle last night, every member of the camp was being

jumped on by the boys, that is boys being boys, some of the boys

haven't got a father at home to do that. They can't have that manly

thing where they challenge authority, they can't do it in that

sort of environment, here they can. We throw them simply across back

the field, they bounce, and they steam straight in there. Omph, oh!

Good lad, are you all right Namdi. I'm all right? Yeah, see! You know.

Seeing some of these things that these lads are doing now, with this.

They would never do this at home? If they did, they would then

probably they would have the police down on them, or they would cause a

riot, this is harmless fun, they happen to be water brom bombing the

Bromley Girls' Brigade -- promably -- bombing the Bromley Girls'

Brigade at the moment. My good is stuck under that rock.

You hold your hand there. Don't slip over!

Dad, mind out your shoes. I haven't got them on. Are you just going to

leave them there? No, somebody else can have them, I don't need them.

Look he has grabbed hold of the Spam and he's eating it, look.

Karen never wanted any children. But here we are with three of them

now. I'm not maternal at all, not until I met Paul, really. I wasn't

getting married, hated boys. The thing is, with children you can't

go further afield, like you used to. It clips your wings a little bit.

Lauren is 12, nearly 13, the other day she was bringing the shampoo

home, she kept dropping it, she came in and said it's your fault

this shampoo is falling on the floor, and she threw it in the tent.

That was my fault, because she wasn't holding it properly.

even told us she wouldn't be a a typical teenager. When my sister is

having kids, and I was always around with my sister's kids, I

could cope with it, I thought I could be a dad. I can handle that.

How is he doing so far? Not that bad, OK. Do I pass the test. Just

skimmed it. Only joking. There must be a child's aspect, a child's view

of parents. Firm but fair. Is that what we are? No, I wouldn't say,

firm, but you are fair.Am I. That's all right. Firm but fair and the

best dad in the world. Don't push it! Wow, look at him.

It won't eat them. Leave him mum. Let him walk off the edge.

There you go. There he is. Ten-minute warning Beach Parade,

hat judging and Beach Olympics. 'S gonna win the Big Hat

Competition it's going to win it, nobody has a hat bigger than his,

unless they have folded it up and put it in their suitcase. I will

see you in the Biggest Hat I made it with my mum and dad,

because they wouldn't let me use the scalpel by myself, because I

might cut off my sister's head. But I won't. She's my sister. I better

go and get ready now. Have you got a Sheriff's badge,

Dairy Milk, none of them in the old days! We have jeans, checkered

shirt, waistcoat, no-one did a good hat these days. He's wearing it?

What Euan's? No on Tom's head. Tom's, that hat is absolutely

brilliant, remind me at teatime, it is an extra ten points for the hat.

Tent two, this is excellent duff, have you got one? Have you lost it.

Extra ten points. Are you pleased? Yeah. We always lose, it doesn't

matter. We are good at losing, that is the whole point of our tent,

Hey John, come on, man. Now Billy.

Oh, oh. Good one! 3-2-1, go! You've gone it,

For the Boys' Brigade, the climax of the intertent competition is an

afternoon of Beach Olympics. First place tent 1, second place staff,

third place tent three, last place tent two.

Nice and gentle. Don't move, don't even nod, do you

understand, good, that means you do. Last competition for the Beach

Olympics is basically the first years get wrapped up as a mummy,

what they don't know is the rest of the company are off doing something

else. We do mark them on how well the mummy is wrapped, but they

don't know that we don't care what is happening, eventually one of

them might twig, but that's it. That's a mean game? Camp is mean in

Crabbing, never done that before, I didn't even know there were crabs

in the UK. Can I keep this, dad? What are you going to call him?

A lot of things I want to do before I'm gone, fishing all day! I want

to see a waterfall. I live waterfall, dive off of it, I want

to go skiing, I want to deep-sea dive in the coral blue stuff. I've

got the crab. Cool. The world is a big place, I

probably won't get to travel it all any way. One down, how many more to

APPLAUSE I would just like to say, thank you

for everything you lot have been here through a difficult time. You

have all helped to uplift my spirit, in unique ways. It has been good,

seeing games and all of that, and being able to get away from my

usual environment. I really appreciate, may God bless you all.

It's all coming to an end. It is a blessing, you know. It is something

that I would encourage a lot of my friend back home to do.

I come down, it don't matter if you feel like a bit of a nerd or

whatever, just feel free, mess around.

# Thank you today # Thank you to dog too. I'm not

going to miss the insects though, I am not going to miss that. I can't

wait to get home and have a hot shower and that.

See you Sunday. See you Sunday. Take care man. See you on Sunday.

See you Sunday. Good job. Dog. Going home today, we have to get

everything in the field packed up before we have to leave, to go to

the ferry. To get back into England. It has been one of the best times

of my life so far. I can't wait until next year. It's quite sad

actually today. The week has gone quite quickly, I always feel I miss

a lot during the week because of this. But seeing them exhausted,

and when they are getting back to the hall and seeing their faces

when they see their parents. That is lovely as well. It is a nice

feeling today. Far too tired to be sad, to be honest, I think relief

is the biggest thing, that it has gone well, that is it is over. We

have one boy that lost half his toenail this morning after kicking

something, his parents will be spending the evening down at north

Middlesex Hospital, no doubt. If you forgive me, I have stuff to do.

If you don't mind. In one way I want to stay here, in another way I

want to go home, I am a mummy's boy, so. You're the baby. Yeah. I think

she's missing us. Yeah, probably. Unless someone's eating it, it is

on the van. If not, you can always buy your sister a new one.

sister's hobby horse that she lent me has gone missing, the head has