Granny's Moving In Wonderland


Granny's Moving In

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This programme contains some strong language

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What are you looking forward to

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when you move in together most?

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-PHIL:

-Hmm.

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THEY LAUGH

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We're talking about what we're doing.

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-What we're doing?

-You know, where you'll be living.

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There'll be no such thing as perfection.

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-Well, there's going to be a drawback of some sort.

-Bound to be.

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As long as I can still...

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-About the same as here.

-..rock around the clock, I'll get by.

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Whose idea is this move?

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I'll get by.

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Guilty.

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Guilty as charged.

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No-one's going to help your situation.

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You have to help yourself, really,

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and I just, I've been thinking, what can we do about this situation,

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and this seemed to come into my mind. That's all I can say,

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and we're not the only ones, are we?

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Had to do something, didn't we, Mum?

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-Sorry?

-We had to do something!

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I tell you what, there's a show at the West End now,

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and I tell you what it is,

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it's, um...

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-It's great.

-What's this got to do...?

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I will get to see it.

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What's it called?

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Is it called... I think it could be called, but I may be wrong,

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One Hell Of A Party.

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It could be.

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With life expectancy rising,

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and the cost of residential care often out of reach,

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more and more people across Britain

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are having to move an elderly relative in with the family.

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One couple from east London, Phil and Sue Carroll,

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agreed to let me follow them

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as they prepare to set up a new home with Mum.

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-Hello, Sue. I'm Paddy. Lovely to meet you.

-Come in.

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-Wow, lovely house.

-You like it?

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-Yeah.

-Shame, innit? I'm going.

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When are you leaving this house?

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Dunno. Haven't got a date yet.

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How would you describe your mum? What's her character?

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You cannot describe Peggy. Peggy's a one-off.

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As you will see, she is very...

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I don't know if you've been given her background,

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but she is not your normal sit-in-a-chair-and-knit type lady.

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You know, she's always wandered.

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She's a Londoner of the old school.

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That's the problem. That's why we've got to go, really.

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She's just an ever source of worry.

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This is why we're doing what we've got to do.

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What is her condition like at the moment?

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She's got vascular dementia, and she's...

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No way, you will meet her, but no way can you put my mother in a home.

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-Hello.

-Hello.

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You ready?

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Hello.

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Shall I come in? Where shall I go?

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-Well, go where you like.

-OK.

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Where would you like? Choose.

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Upstairs, downstairs? I haven't got an attic.

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I'll go in the living room.

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Come in the dining room.

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Come where you like. Sorry about this.

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All right, this is Paddy.

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-Sorry?

-This is Paddy.

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-Paddy?

-Yeah.

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# Paddy, if you're Irish

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# Come into the parlour

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# There's a welcome there for you...

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Oh, I'm sorry, I can't sing any more, I'm getting a bit emotional.

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-Are you?

-Sorry? Yes.

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-Do you know a lot of songs?

-Sorry?

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Do you know a lot of songs?

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-Quite a lot of songs.

-Yeah.

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-Lovely to meet you.

-Oh, thank you.

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I do remember many years ago,

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I think I could have been about three years old...

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..and I can remember your face!

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My face?

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You're looking so surprised!

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-I'm not sure it was me.

-Sorry?

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I did a few strange things in the high street some while ago.

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There was quite a lot of people.

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And I thought, "I wonder what's going on.

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"Has there been an accident? I don't really know."

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-And apparently, it was Ken Livingstone.

-Oh.

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And, well, I don't really know,

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but I just got hold of him,

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and I can remember so well, he was wearing a blue satin tie.

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I just got hold of his tie

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and I said, "Well, this isn't good enough."

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But then I think I was pulled away.

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I don't quite know really what happened. Um...

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That's why we got to move, because you assaulted Ken Livingstone.

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Now we're on the run.

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PEGGY LAUGHS

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We're exiles, then.

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The thing is, I may be very short

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and I've probably shrunk in my old age, I don't really know,

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but I do know what's right

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and I know what's wrong.

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Phil and Sue have two grown-up daughters.

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Laura has already left home.

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Elise moves out in a month.

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At your point in life, I suppose you'd have been imagining

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-this would be a great time in your life, right?

-Yeah.

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Kids would be leaving...

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Exactly. People are saying to me, "You're crazy, it's your time now,"

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and I said, "Nope(!)"

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Bye, then.

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-Mind how you're going.

-Yeah.

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I'll film you closing the door.

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That's good.

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Bye!

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Sue and Phil lived with Peggy once before,

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15 years ago, when they were waiting to move into their current house.

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It was an experience they'd hoped not to repeat.

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If this gets too much

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and it goes on too long,

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there are always alternatives,

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cos you remember what happened last time.

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-It was me that got upset last time.

-But you remember what happened.

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if that starts to happen again, we'll have to...

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But I won't let it happen. I'm older this time,

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I'm more in control of the situation. It won't happen again.

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What happened last time?

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Peggy was more in control of everything

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and it was a terrible personality clash thing

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and it actually made me ill.

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Peggy, when she was so-called normal, was a control freak

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and...

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..no-one could live with her. This is why I'm a bit worried now.

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I think there is a possibility we can live with her now

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because of the dementia, but...

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It's got to work now, and I'm going to damn well make it work

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and we're going to pull out all the stops to make it work

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and I don't think it's going to affect me that way any more.

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I'm just going to get over it, really.

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Phil and Sue have decided the only way to care for Peggy

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is for them all to live under the one roof.

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They've bought a new house an hour way in Essex

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and are converting the garage for Sue's mum to live in.

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Peggy's house has already been sold

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and she has to be out by the end of the month.

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Peggy had promised Sue she would make a start on the packing.

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Look. Mum, come here, look.

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I've left you this,

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-and I've left you this.

-Yeah, but...

-That was two weeks ago, Mum.

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-You've not put one cup away. Not one.

-Yeah, but...

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You've done nothing. Nothing.

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I can't understand. You used to work for Hovendens, you said to me,

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-and you know how to pack things up and I don't.

-I know, I know.

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-Why can't you demonstrate in my hour of need?

-You want me to demonstrate?

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Yeah, you going to do that? Cos I've got no idea. Teach me.

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-No, you wouldn't have a clue, you're not as clever as I am.

-No.

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There you go. You demonstrate.

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-Not as clever as I am.

-No, that's true.

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Oh, I can choose, then.

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You're making me look a real twit,

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and I'm not a twit. I know how to pack.

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-I left this here two weeks ago, with all the stuff.

-Yeah, but...

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And it's still there! It's still there, Mum.

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It's still there.

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Maybe I'm living too long.

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Goodness, I've never seen...

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I didn't know nets could get this dirty.

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SHE GASPS

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If Peggy could go back in time

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and see the way I've let these curtains go, she'd tell me off.

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Really?

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Well, she wouldn't ever, ever live like this, never.

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She was very, very fussy.

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What are we witnessing in her behaviour now

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that I wouldn't have seen before?

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Well, basically, she's ten.

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She's ten.

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She relies on me to look after her, in lots of ways,

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although she does have moments where she thinks she's very independent

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but she's not.

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She sees through the eyes of a child, I suppose,

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the world is through the eyes of a child.

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They wind you up. Dementia patients wind you up all the time.

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They say things controversial, they criticise you,

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they test you as a child can test you.

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With a child, you can say, "Sit down, shut up,

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"you'll get no supper," or whatever you do to discipline your children.

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How can you do that with your mother?

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It is very, very difficult. Very difficult.

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I think that's Susan.

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I'm sure that's Susan.

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'Sue explained part of the reason Peggy was hard to care for

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'was that she'd always been so independent.'

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I'm not too sure who that is now.

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Oh yes, Susan.

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Peggy married Sue's dad, Les, in her early 20s

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and was always the family's main breadwinner.

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Eventually, they were able to buy their own house,

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where they lived until her husband's death.

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Oh, that's my husband, my second husband.

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Oh, he was nice.

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Here he is again.

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'Peggy soon remarried to Tony.'

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Where did you meet him?

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Where did I meet him?

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You've got me for a minute now.

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Was it love at first sight?

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Well, it must have been.

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The pair travelled the world together

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and eventually settled for two years in New Zealand.

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Sue was just 19.

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-So Susan stayed here when you moved there for a year or two?

-Yes, yeah.

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But of course, I was worried about my Susan.

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I thought, "I'm the other side of the...

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"world, I'll say the world, and my daughter's here."

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"My daughter's here,

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"and, I've got to get home, I've got to get home, I've got to get home."

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And yes, I came home.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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The most recent man in Peggy's life

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is Bill, a 90-year-old war veteran.

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They speak on the phone every day.

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I'll sing you a song if you like.

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SHE CLEARS THROAT

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Oh, dear.

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What can the matter be?

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Two old... Are you list...?

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Oh, bye for now. Bye.

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Oh.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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What do you think he thinks of you, Peg?

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I think he thinks a lot of me.

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Could he have ever been your third husband? Any chance of that?

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As it happens, I think he did say,

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oh, yes, he did. Yes.

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Yes, he did say, "Let's get married,"

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and I thought, "Oh, I can't go through all that again."

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PHONE RINGS

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-Hello?

-'Peg?'

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Yeah.

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'# Three old ladies, they used the lavatory

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'# They was there from Friday till Saturday

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'# Nobody knew they was there...'

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# Goodbye. #

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I think he's got the message.

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-Did you just hang up on him?

-I think he's got the message.

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I can't listen to his...

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He just wanted to say another, or sing another version

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slightly different from what I'd remember.

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Life's too short.

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-Sorry?

-Life's too short!

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Well, this is...

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It's all very well, but I thought, well...

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Morning, Peggy.

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Morning.

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Morning.

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So, where does she go most?

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She goes to London, where she knows.

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She's an old-style Londoner.

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She knows London, as she says, like the back of her hand.

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'Platform three for the 10:54...'

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There's no way in this world I want to stop that

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while she can still do it.

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She's as safe as she possibly can be, under the circumstances.

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She won't get lost, though she's done that a couple of times

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but we got over that.

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How often will she go into London?

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Could be seven days a week. As much as that.

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Have Freedom pass, will travel.

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You warm enough?

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Is she warm enough?

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Yeah, I think so!

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I'm going to sit down. Do you mind?

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SHE LAUGHS

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'She talks to everybody and everything

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'regardless of who they are.'

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-Is she warm enough?

-Yeah.

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-Are you warm enough?

-Yeah.

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Oh!

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SHE LAUGHS

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'What does she talk to people about?'

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I'm not even sure they're sure of that!

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I tried smoking many years ago.

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Over 60 years ago.

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And I've never smoked since.

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Put it out, put it out. Put it on the floor. No good for you.

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-You like London?

-Love it.

-Oh!

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We've got everything in London.

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-We've got everything, haven't we, here? We have everything.

-Yeah.

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Covent Garden, Buckingham Palace.

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There's so much to see, really.

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Have you seen that one?

0:15:280:15:29

-No, we've not seen that one.

-We've seen Phantom Of The Opera.

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Oh, I saw that years ago.

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Which is your girlfriend? The one with the red hair?

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-Yeah. Yes.

-I'll go and have a word with her, shall I?

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You think we should be getting back now?

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Yes, whenever. I don't really mind.

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Whatever. Whatever!

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Getting a bit late, I think.

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I don't even know what the time is.

0:16:000:16:02

-'She doesn't really think anything is wrong with her.'

-'Oh, no, no.'

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Nothing's wrong. She's fine (!)

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Why would we all be worried about Peggy?

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Why did she think too much about me?

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She's fine.

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Why?

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Cos I'm all right.

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-She thinks that?

-SHE thinks that.

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You've been enjoying yourself recently, haven't you?

0:16:290:16:32

Well, I just want to carry on living

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as long as I'm safe.

0:16:350:16:37

-Ah. Which brings me round to the other day, the other evening.

-Sorry?

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Sit down.

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The other evening.

0:16:430:16:45

-I had to come round here, waiting for you.

-Yes?

-In the dark.

0:16:450:16:49

I went to Dragon Hall,

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and saw quite a few people that I know there,

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and there were two men there.

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Hmm...

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And I thought to myself,

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they were sitting where I always generally sit,

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and I thought, "Oh, I haven't seen those,

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"I haven't seen these here before,"

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but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to me.

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In effect, they were quite strange,

0:17:130:17:16

they were strangers in a way, weren't they?

0:17:160:17:18

-I suppose, strangers, but...

-Yeah.

0:17:180:17:21

But anyway, as it happens,

0:17:220:17:24

we came out of there and then, one of these...

0:17:240:17:28

..the men, says, "Would you like a cup of tea?" So...

0:17:300:17:34

Mum. You met two men

0:17:340:17:37

you didn't know.

0:17:370:17:38

You put yourself open to what could have happened to you.

0:17:380:17:43

-Yeah, maybe I did.

-And then,

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you came in at 10:30

0:17:450:17:47

so not only have you been with two men you couldn't put a name to,

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you came in at 10:30 of a night. Can you imagine what that did to me?

0:17:510:17:54

I suppose so. Maybe I wasn't thinking.

0:17:540:17:56

-No.

-No, I probably wasn't thinking.

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But anyway, having said all that,

0:17:590:18:02

um...

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It was quite enjoyable, because

0:18:050:18:07

I came home with these two men.

0:18:070:18:11

-Mum, do you know how that sounds?!

-We came along...

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I can't help it, because I'm me!

0:18:150:18:17

Right, I say to you,

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"Mum, I'm sorry I came in late last night, I met two men."

0:18:190:18:22

-Sorry?

-What would you think?

0:18:220:18:24

Oh, well.

0:18:240:18:25

Well, I don't know.

0:18:270:18:28

You've got no idea,

0:18:280:18:30

you've got no idea,

0:18:300:18:32

of the chances you're taking, doing what you're doing.

0:18:320:18:35

Yes, well, I was probably stupid. Stupid, stupid,

0:18:350:18:38

-stupid Cupid...

-Mum, this is serious.

0:18:380:18:40

-No, I'm sorry. I realise...

-This is serious.

0:18:400:18:43

-Well, I was...

-Mum, do you know what I had to do?

0:18:430:18:45

We were going to ring the hospitals.

0:18:450:18:47

I did it.

0:18:500:18:52

I did it.

0:18:520:18:54

-And I've caused more...

-I don't feel very...

0:18:560:18:58

I've caused more hassle on my...

0:18:580:19:02

I won't do it again.

0:19:020:19:03

-You get the idea of the anxiety you're causing me?

-Yeah, I realise.

0:19:030:19:07

-You've got to try...

-I'm causing a rumpus.

0:19:070:19:09

Most people of your age don't go to London on their own, do they?

0:19:090:19:14

-Most don't.

-Oh, well, I'm sorry.

0:19:140:19:16

I mean, it's a terrible illness,

0:19:210:19:24

dementia, Alzheimer's, things like that, you know.

0:19:240:19:27

They're not the people you know any more.

0:19:270:19:29

Cos it's Sue's mother, Sue can't accept that.

0:19:290:19:32

Sue wants the person she knew before back. She tries to reason with her.

0:19:320:19:36

I don't try and reason with Peggy.

0:19:380:19:40

I just have a laugh with her and talk to her.

0:19:400:19:42

She's in the twilight of her life, she's 83 years old,

0:19:420:19:45

she's got dementia, and she goes out and enjoys herself more than I do.

0:19:450:19:49

Oh!

0:19:490:19:51

But we get through it cos she's on the happy pills

0:19:510:19:54

and I think I want to nick some of them off her.

0:19:540:19:57

I could do with a few happy pills myself!

0:19:570:20:00

Welcome to the house of fun.

0:20:080:20:10

Hello!

0:20:100:20:11

What has actually happened this morning? What have you been doing?

0:20:110:20:15

Everything I move, she's having a tantrum, I've got to say.

0:20:150:20:19

What was it about? Was it about moving?

0:20:190:20:21

It's the frustration of everything. She's losing control of everything.

0:20:210:20:25

It's not the move.

0:20:250:20:26

She doesn't seem to equate that what you've got to do to get the move

0:20:260:20:30

-may involve doing something.

-Hi, Peggy!

-Hello, Peggy.

0:20:300:20:32

It's the day of the move,

0:20:340:20:36

but the new house and annex aren't ready yet.

0:20:360:20:39

In the next few weeks,

0:20:400:20:41

Peggy will have to live in Phil and Sue's spare room.

0:20:410:20:44

Most of her possessions will have to go.

0:20:440:20:49

I've just looked at the bedroom. It's a mess.

0:20:490:20:51

-Mum?

-Hang on just a minute. Just a minute.

0:20:540:20:57

Keep your wig on.

0:20:570:21:00

Are you taking that?

0:21:000:21:01

Mmm. Could you put it in, please? Thank you.

0:21:010:21:04

I'm sorry my ears aren't perfection.

0:21:040:21:08

A couple of those hangers...

0:21:080:21:10

Which ones do you want?

0:21:100:21:12

Excuse me, that one. Thank you.

0:21:120:21:14

Starting again is a good thing, isn't it?

0:21:160:21:19

-Sorry?

-To start again is a good thing, isn't it?

0:21:190:21:23

All nice new things, new towels, new linen. It will be nice.

0:21:230:21:27

Hang on just a minute.

0:21:270:21:29

Oh, just a minute.

0:21:290:21:31

Oh.

0:21:310:21:32

You see how you patched it up and it's in a terrible state?

0:21:320:21:35

It's sentimental so you want to keep it for that reason only.

0:21:350:21:38

Throw it then.

0:21:380:21:40

Can you decide? I don't want you to say I made you do it.

0:21:400:21:43

Throw it, throw it, throw it.

0:21:430:21:46

But you...

0:21:460:21:47

Throw it, throw it, throw it.

0:21:470:21:50

Throw it.

0:21:500:21:51

OK, I'm going to take you at your word then.

0:21:510:21:53

Mum, are these glasses you wear? They're not your prescription.

0:21:530:21:58

They're not your prescription.

0:21:580:22:00

Where's your rubbish?

0:22:000:22:02

-Is that rubbish in there?

-Yeah.

0:22:020:22:03

-No, you're not looking in there.

-No, all right.

0:22:060:22:09

-You're not taking things out!

-No, that particularly I wanted.

0:22:090:22:13

Thank you.

0:22:130:22:14

Oh, Susan, you're wearing me out.

0:22:140:22:16

-Right, that...

-Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

0:22:240:22:27

That, that, that, that, that, that, that.

0:22:270:22:31

I'll go that way. Excuse me.

0:22:330:22:35

Mum, there's nothing in that garden other than this that we're taking.

0:22:370:22:41

-We have been all through this.

-Can I get my broom in? Can I get my bag in?

0:22:410:22:45

If you think I'm taking your broom, you've got another thing coming.

0:22:450:22:48

-Mum, what are you doing with the broom?

-Just a minute, Susan!

0:22:480:22:52

Tell me what you're going to do with it.

0:22:520:22:54

-I'm going to clean my teeth with it.

-Mum, no!

0:22:540:22:56

All right then, all right then.

0:22:560:22:59

Keep your wig on a minute.

0:22:590:23:02

Mum, where are you going with those?

0:23:020:23:04

I'm going... Leave me for a minute, will you?!

0:23:040:23:08

Will you? Will you?

0:23:080:23:12

Will you?

0:23:120:23:14

Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?

0:23:140:23:17

Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?

0:23:170:23:19

Oh, my goodness.

0:23:190:23:22

-I have had enough.

-I've had enough as well.

0:23:240:23:27

I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm getting angry.

0:23:270:23:29

I'm emotionally drained.

0:23:290:23:31

Are you stressed?

0:23:310:23:34

I feel about 90 today.

0:23:340:23:36

I think I feel about 90.

0:23:360:23:39

What do you want 20 bars of soap for?

0:23:430:23:46

Oh, don't ask me. Mum?

0:23:460:23:48

-Mum, you've got five teddy bears already.

-Yes, I know.

0:23:480:23:52

I know.

0:23:520:23:53

Oh, dear.

0:23:540:23:56

I've got to say, I've got no sentimentality

0:23:560:23:59

about this house - it's been nothing but misery to me.

0:23:590:24:02

She's gone from being a very fussy woman,

0:24:020:24:04

wanting everything just so, and obviously that did involve me,

0:24:040:24:09

with being like this and not being responsible for anything.

0:24:090:24:13

So I can't really say I've got happy memories with this house.

0:24:130:24:16

You've always been cleaning it.

0:24:160:24:18

Well, there has always been a problem -

0:24:180:24:20

I've always had to sort it out.

0:24:200:24:22

And you had to look after this place when she left.

0:24:220:24:25

Yes, when she went to New Zealand,

0:24:250:24:27

as a 19-year-old, I had to look after it.

0:24:270:24:29

Um...

0:24:290:24:31

Yeah.

0:24:310:24:32

So, goodbye house!

0:24:320:24:35

Let me have a look in a minute. Let me have a look in a minute.

0:24:360:24:39

What about my umbrellas?

0:24:390:24:40

May I take my umbrellas?

0:24:400:24:43

Only if you can guarantee it's going to rain.

0:24:430:24:46

-Oh, shut up.

-Of course you can take your umbrellas.

-Don't be so stupid.

0:24:460:24:50

-I can't leave umbrellas in the house.

-Don't be stupid!

0:24:500:24:53

May I take that, or not?

0:24:550:24:58

-So, you're about to say goodbye to this house for the last time.

-Um...

0:25:030:25:07

Well, I can't say goodbye to a house, can I?

0:25:100:25:13

Shall we wander round to Phil and Sue's then?

0:25:190:25:22

Yes, sure. Yeah.

0:25:220:25:24

All right. Yes, all right. I know you're lovely.

0:25:440:25:48

I know you're lovely, but all right.

0:25:480:25:51

DOG BARKS

0:25:510:25:53

Hiya.

0:25:570:25:59

"One, two, three...

0:26:000:26:02

"Mother caught a flea.

0:26:030:26:05

"She put it in the teapot and made a cup of tea."

0:26:060:26:13

Do you know, this house...

0:26:130:26:14

You know, I can't stand this house.

0:26:140:26:17

I've never liked this house.

0:26:170:26:19

Susan?

0:26:200:26:22

Your wonderful mother's here.

0:26:220:26:24

Ooh.

0:26:240:26:25

I know it's a bit traumatic, saying goodbye to some of your stuff

0:26:250:26:29

-but it's so necessary.

-Some of my stuff? What stuff?

0:26:290:26:31

Stuff you've lost since we've been doing this move.

0:26:310:26:34

You've lost obviously some of your stuff,

0:26:340:26:36

but we haven't lost the important stuff.

0:26:360:26:38

-I haven't said anything.

-No, I know that.

0:26:380:26:41

You're doing all the talking. You're doing all the talking.

0:26:410:26:43

I think she just has to get it into her head

0:26:430:26:46

that we can't sit and listen to her

0:26:460:26:48

talking endlessly hours and hours.

0:26:480:26:51

So, what we're going to have to do is carry on as normal,

0:26:510:26:54

don't ignore her, of course not, that would be ridiculous.

0:26:540:26:58

-But try and be as normal as possible.

-Yes.

0:26:580:27:01

We can have a clock, a calendar, a television.

0:27:010:27:04

Oh, keys to the house.

0:27:080:27:10

-Got to have keys to this house.

-Yup.

0:27:100:27:13

You're going to have to have keys.

0:27:130:27:15

You're going to have to practise the door.

0:27:150:27:18

What am I, a pain in the neck?

0:27:180:27:20

No!

0:27:200:27:21

All we want is you to carry on as normal.

0:27:210:27:24

Well, I've agreed with that. I won't interfere with your lifestyle.

0:27:240:27:27

I won't interfere with your lifestyle.

0:27:270:27:29

-And I wouldn't interfere with yours.

-Oh, well there you go.

0:27:290:27:33

"One, two, three."

0:27:330:27:34

-OK. This could work.

-"Mother caught a flea."

0:27:340:27:37

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah... #

0:27:370:27:40

# And I remember when we won a bottle of champagne... #

0:27:400:27:45

-Pill time!

-Pill time, yeah!

0:27:450:27:47

I think it's pill time.

0:27:470:27:49

Pill time or Phil time?

0:27:490:27:52

I won't be here for dinner tomorrow,

0:28:020:28:04

so we're going to have to sort you out food-wise.

0:28:040:28:07

Sorry? You're not what?

0:28:070:28:08

I won't be here for dinner, so we'll have to sort you out food-wise.

0:28:080:28:12

Well, you won't have to sort me out food-wise, I can...

0:28:120:28:15

What's your plan?

0:28:150:28:17

I wouldn't even know yet. Just leave me.

0:28:170:28:20

-Leave you, food-wise.

-Yes.

0:28:200:28:22

And you'll just make something, or find something...

0:28:220:28:25

Oh, yes, yes.

0:28:250:28:26

Yes.

0:28:260:28:28

You're being funny, aren't you?

0:28:280:28:30

I'm just giving you a bit of your...

0:28:300:28:33

your own medicine.

0:28:330:28:35

-OK, right.

-Thank you.

0:28:370:28:38

What we've got in here, we've got quite a few cereals in there.

0:28:380:28:41

-So, if you want cereals, they're all under here.

-All right then.

0:28:410:28:45

Well, I'd only have to open the cupboard and I'd see the cereals, wouldn't I?

0:28:450:28:49

-What are cupboards for?

-That is really rude, isn't it?

0:28:490:28:52

-Well...

-You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.

0:28:520:28:55

-I'm sorry.

-You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.

-I'm sorry...

0:28:550:28:58

You're getting tired, aren't you?

0:28:580:29:00

Why are you so rude to me all the time?

0:29:040:29:06

If anyone was standing here...

0:29:060:29:08

Oh, Susan. All right then. Keep quiet.

0:29:080:29:10

Keep quiet.

0:29:100:29:12

Well, well, well.

0:29:120:29:14

-She's quite harsh on you.

-She what?

0:29:190:29:23

She's harsh on you, isn't she?

0:29:230:29:25

Always been that way. Always been harsh on me. Always.

0:29:250:29:29

Very harsh.

0:29:290:29:30

I've got no idea why.

0:29:320:29:34

I've always been trying to find a way round it,

0:29:340:29:38

work out why, and I've never come to a conclusion.

0:29:380:29:41

I'm never going to, really.

0:29:410:29:42

She's 83 now, it's not going to happen now, is it?

0:29:420:29:46

It's just rude, very rude.

0:29:460:29:48

And how is it you're so loyal to her?

0:29:480:29:52

I don't know!

0:29:520:29:54

I don't know, I really don't know.

0:29:540:29:57

Oh! Oh.

0:29:570:29:59

CANNED LAUGHTER ON TV

0:30:110:30:13

Mum, I'm off now.

0:30:160:30:18

For the past three years,

0:30:180:30:20

Peggy has been taking the same dose of pills every day.

0:30:200:30:24

-I'm just taking my pills.

-Oh, good.

0:30:240:30:26

I've got to find out exactly again, what they are for.

0:30:260:30:31

You've got two for blood pressure.

0:30:310:30:33

Two for... Ah, I didn't realise it was two for blood pressure.

0:30:330:30:37

One is an aspirin. And one...

0:30:370:30:39

is to get you a little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.

0:30:390:30:43

-Chilled out?

-A little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.

-Oh...

0:30:430:30:47

See you later!

0:30:470:30:49

DOOR CREAKS

0:30:530:30:56

Over the next few weeks,

0:31:010:31:03

Phil, Sue and Peggy decided to keep a video record of their days together

0:31:030:31:07

as they got used to living under the same roof.

0:31:070:31:10

I don't even know how that bleeding works.

0:31:100:31:13

SHE BURPS

0:31:130:31:15

Charming.

0:31:150:31:17

# Charming! #

0:31:170:31:19

Have you took your pills?

0:31:190:31:20

When you get older, life can be miserable if you make it miserable.

0:31:200:31:24

You can sit in the chair and mope. There's a lot of mopers out there,

0:31:240:31:27

with their aches and pains.

0:31:270:31:30

Peggy is marvellous at ignoring aches and pains,

0:31:300:31:32

and just getting on with it anyway. That's a fine example

0:31:320:31:35

and I think we all should have a bit of Peggy in us as we get older!

0:31:350:31:38

I'll bleeding get up those bleeding stairs...if it kills me.

0:31:380:31:44

-Why go up when I can do it?

-No. Why this and why that.

0:31:440:31:48

And why the bleeding other.

0:31:480:31:49

I want to keep it going as long as I can and I'm going to do that.

0:31:490:31:53

This is what all this is about, really - keeping Peggy going

0:31:530:31:56

while she's happy.

0:31:560:31:58

What do you find you struggle with?

0:31:580:32:01

I really... Well, personal things.

0:32:010:32:04

The personal things seem to be... a big problem at the moment.

0:32:040:32:08

Wear something different - you've got loads of clothes here - loads.

0:32:080:32:12

-Wear something different.

-I know I've got loads of clothes.

0:32:120:32:15

Wear something different tomorrow.

0:32:150:32:17

She got to the point whereby I think people would've...

0:32:170:32:21

backed away from her, because her personal hygiene was...

0:32:210:32:25

not good. Not good at all.

0:32:250:32:27

So she's going to have to put up with a few rules

0:32:330:32:37

for the rest of our sakes.

0:32:370:32:38

But we'll get it as best as we can, so Peggy can carry on as normal.

0:32:380:32:43

I don't know how long she'll carry on like this.

0:32:430:32:45

It could be six months, for all I know.

0:32:450:32:48

But we can only do the best every day at a time.

0:32:480:32:50

That's her motto - one day at a time.

0:32:500:32:52

-Go on then, go and get two whiskeys.

-Susan! Come and thump your mother.

0:32:520:32:56

I'm not her "mother". I'm her mother. Thank you very much.

0:32:560:33:01

How are you, Phil?

0:33:060:33:08

Knackered.

0:33:080:33:10

But this is all part of my wife's plan.

0:33:100:33:14

And as she says, it will all fall into place.

0:33:150:33:19

That's if I don't fall into a grave first, you know?

0:33:190:33:21

My plan was to retire next year and with the kids off our hands,

0:33:210:33:27

me and Sue buy a little bungalow.

0:33:280:33:30

Somewhere a little bit rural and that was our dream,

0:33:300:33:33

but...there goes that dream up in smoke.

0:33:330:33:37

We'll all go mental in the end - we'll all end up in a mental home.

0:33:370:33:41

-What are you going to do today?

-Well, as I say,

0:33:460:33:48

I would like to go dancing.

0:33:480:33:50

A waltz, a foxtrot, a cha-cha, a samba.

0:33:530:33:59

Maybe a jive.

0:33:590:34:01

Do what you like! Um... Yes.

0:34:010:34:04

MUSIC BLARES

0:34:070:34:09

Peggy's friend Bill has been her dance partner for nearly 20 years.

0:34:290:34:34

But a recent deterioration in his health has stopped him from getting out.

0:34:340:34:38

-They're getting a lot better, aren't they, Bill?

-They need to get better.

0:34:380:34:42

He's cared for by a neighbour and Peggy.

0:34:440:34:47

I want to see your legs, that's what I've come up to see - your legs.

0:34:470:34:52

Have a look at his legs after, Peg, because his dinner is going to get cold.

0:34:520:34:55

-Me and Jackie will be in later, yeah?

-Very nice people.

0:34:550:35:00

-Bill, don't cry, darling. Don't worry about it.

-I'll make him laugh.

0:35:000:35:04

-You eat your lunch.

-I'll make him laugh. Now, come on.

0:35:040:35:07

Bill, me and Jackie...

0:35:070:35:08

We'll be back later to give you your tablets, all right?

0:35:080:35:12

Now I really want to know what's been happening with your legs?

0:35:120:35:18

Well, don't forget I'll be 91 soon

0:35:190:35:23

and the dance that we used to go...

0:35:230:35:27

The enjoyment, over the embankment.

0:35:270:35:29

And all other places - and we've had a very good life.

0:35:310:35:35

But unfortunately, I fell back a bit now and it's my age.

0:35:350:35:40

Well... I mean, I just don't understand it, but I'm very, very concerned.

0:35:400:35:45

About you and your well-being.

0:35:450:35:49

I think you've had enough there.

0:35:490:35:51

-OK.

-I know you've had enough. They won't get annoyed.

0:35:510:35:54

Me ankles are swollen.

0:35:540:35:57

-I know!

-That's why I have to cut my shoes down the side.

-I know.

0:35:570:36:02

If you could pull that shoe off...

0:36:020:36:04

Take it from the back - it's all swollen. What I have to do...

0:36:050:36:10

But I can't...

0:36:100:36:11

I have to cut the sides off here to get my feet in it,

0:36:110:36:17

so I can tie them up.

0:36:170:36:19

What would happen if he couldn't get his shoes on and get outside?

0:36:190:36:23

-He'd be a prisoner in here, wouldn't he?

-He'd be a prisoner in his own home.

0:36:230:36:26

His own home!

0:36:260:36:29

And I don't think he would like that. No way.

0:36:290:36:33

-This is my home.

-No way.

0:36:330:36:35

This is my home.

0:36:350:36:37

She said she'd be back at about...

0:36:510:36:53

Half past two.

0:36:530:36:55

But, that's not too bad. I'm OK with it at the moment.

0:36:560:37:01

But when it's dark, it puts a different reflection on everything,

0:37:010:37:04

really - it seems worse.

0:37:040:37:06

She's gone dancing, bet your life.

0:37:060:37:09

I wonder how many 83-year-olds are out in the dark? Not many.

0:37:090:37:13

Look at the radical change she's having to put up with.

0:37:150:37:18

She's used to coming into a house

0:37:180:37:20

and there's no-one there - which is sad -

0:37:200:37:22

and that's probably an improvement, but it's different.

0:37:220:37:25

I know what you're saying,

0:37:250:37:27

but... She's OK.

0:37:270:37:28

-You've got to see it from her point of view.

-She's OK. Don't worry.

0:37:280:37:32

I think she actually likes it.

0:37:320:37:35

In respect, she's got people to talk to.

0:37:350:37:38

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:37:380:37:41

Yes?!

0:37:420:37:44

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

0:37:440:37:48

THEY LAUGH

0:37:480:37:51

Ooh!

0:37:530:37:54

-Oh.

-Where have you been?

0:37:540:37:57

Where have I been? Wait a minute.

0:37:570:38:01

Where have I been?

0:38:030:38:04

Well, I went to see if Bill was all right,

0:38:040:38:08

but unfortunately he lost his patience with me, I think.

0:38:080:38:11

So I thought, "Sorry, Bill,"

0:38:110:38:14

so from thereon I thought I'd go to Spitalfields.

0:38:140:38:17

-What, this time of night?

-Well...

-You said you was coming back at 2.30.

0:38:170:38:23

Well, I did say I was coming back, but I was having quite a good time,

0:38:230:38:28

really. Someone gave me a book and...

0:38:280:38:31

What's this?

0:38:310:38:32

"We are revolting - 40 years...

0:38:340:38:38

"of queer activism."

0:38:380:38:40

PHIL SNIGGERS

0:38:400:38:41

"Grass roots LGBT activism" -

0:38:410:38:46

whatever that's all about.

0:38:460:38:48

"No gay rights, no gay something, we don't just want more cake,

0:38:490:38:54

"we want the whole...bloody bakery!"

0:38:540:38:58

-What that is there... What do you think that leaflet is for?

-Well...

0:38:590:39:04

-Well, I don't know, cos I haven't had chance to read it.

-Yeah...

0:39:050:39:09

-Shall I put that in the bin?

-Put it where you like.

0:39:090:39:13

Put it where you like.

0:39:130:39:15

I think you picked up half the market there, in that bag!

0:39:150:39:20

HAMMERING

0:39:250:39:27

POWER TOOLS BUZZ

0:39:270:39:29

-Do you know what, Mum?

-What?

-Three feet might be OK.

0:39:350:39:40

Because you'll have more room in the garage conversion

0:39:400:39:43

if you have a three-foot bed.

0:39:430:39:45

Peggy and Sue have come to choose a new bed for the annexe.

0:39:450:39:50

How you getting on, dear?

0:39:520:39:54

I'm thinking a three-foot bed here, cos we've got a garage conversion.

0:39:540:39:58

-Our options would be open...

-Absolutely.

0:39:580:40:01

Let's show you something different, because there is one more option.

0:40:010:40:05

-I'll have to...

-You're not paying attention here, are you?

0:40:050:40:08

PEGGY LAUGHS

0:40:080:40:11

-Try and just...

-Hang on a minute!

-I'll make it easier.

0:40:110:40:15

-I can do it.

-If I bring that down...

-Don't worry. I'll...

0:40:150:40:20

-Where there's a will, there's a way.

-All right, then.

0:40:200:40:24

OK.

0:40:240:40:26

She's got the giggles, hasn't she?

0:40:260:40:28

-I bet this isn't the first time you've had giggles in your shop, is it?

-Absolutely not!

-No.

0:40:280:40:33

-I told you...

-Now she's killed my plant!

0:40:330:40:36

-PIGGY GIGGLES

-Shall I move that out of the way?

0:40:360:40:39

THEY ALL LAUGH

0:40:390:40:42

I don't know what to say at this point.

0:40:460:40:49

I don't know what to say, I mean... Does it...?

0:40:490:40:52

LAUGHTER

0:40:520:40:55

-Mum, you're making this very difficult.

-Oh, I'm sorry!

0:40:580:41:01

We're trying to...

0:41:010:41:03

The idea here is it'll give you a bit more protection on the shoulders and on the hips.

0:41:030:41:08

-So it's a little bit softer on top.

-Mum, I'm serious now.

0:41:080:41:12

Don't muck me about.

0:41:120:41:13

I can't... I'm not...!

0:41:130:41:15

-Right, that's memory. Memory foam.

-That'll keep my memory all right.

-No!

0:41:150:41:19

When you move, your body makes an indentation

0:41:210:41:24

-and it supports you...

-Oh, well,

0:41:240:41:26

if it's going to support me in many ways, I'll have that one.

0:41:260:41:30

-Thanks, ladies - nice to see you.

-OK, thanks very much.

-Bye-bye, now.

0:41:310:41:36

-Just keep coming. Just keep coming normally.

-Oh, OK.

0:41:420:41:45

I think you left a damp patch on that bed.

0:41:470:41:50

Well, that's what I thought.

0:41:500:41:51

This is why you've got to wear them things, Mum,

0:41:510:41:54

because you're not getting away with it any more.

0:41:540:41:57

-I think I've got a pad on now.

-Just didn't work, did it?

0:41:570:42:02

-You need something a bit more substantial.

-OK.

0:42:020:42:05

I feel a bit uncomfortable now.

0:42:060:42:08

Well, you would be, Mum, because you're not treating...

0:42:080:42:11

You're not dealing with it, using the proper pads.

0:42:110:42:14

If I can go to the chemist and buy some stuff to help you,

0:42:140:42:18

you needn't make such a big thing of it.

0:42:180:42:20

You're going to have to... not fight me.

0:42:200:42:23

You're not getting away with it, Mum.

0:42:240:42:27

I don't want to get away with it. I'll go along with whatever,

0:42:270:42:31

if it's helping my own personal hygiene.

0:42:310:42:34

Yes, OK. So today is the beginning of a new day.

0:42:340:42:38

Beginning of a new phase.

0:42:380:42:40

-Go into Boots and buy a supply...

-And it won't be an issue any more.

0:42:400:42:45

It will not be an issue any more.

0:42:450:42:47

-Any more.

-Any more.

-Boots, then!

0:42:470:42:50

-BOTH:

-To Boots!

-Hurray!

0:42:500:42:52

-Off we go!

-There we go.

0:42:540:42:56

Peggy has been living in Phil and Sue's house for six weeks.

0:43:000:43:04

But her loss of independence has made coping with her condition harder for everybody.

0:43:040:43:10

All I said to you was, it'll be better for you...

0:43:100:43:13

Mum, you're putting your finger in your ears.

0:43:130:43:16

How stupid is that?

0:43:160:43:18

Mum, that's childish.

0:43:180:43:19

You mustn't do that. Do you want me to do that?

0:43:190:43:23

Mum, that's really childish.

0:43:250:43:27

OK.

0:43:280:43:29

She's been horrendous.

0:43:330:43:35

This illness is, you know...

0:43:350:43:39

Peggy just screams, hollers and shouts and wants her own way.

0:43:390:43:43

We're not prepared to give it to her 100% because you can't.

0:43:430:43:47

And so, there's been screaming matches every day.

0:43:470:43:51

You live a nightmare, but you understand it.

0:43:510:43:54

You walk into it eyes wide open.

0:43:540:43:57

So... It's about right, isn't it, really?

0:43:570:44:00

RAIN PATTERS

0:44:000:44:02

-I'm gonna fucking fart all around.

-Mum...

0:44:030:44:07

-I'm not! Shut up.

-Mum...

-Shut up!

0:44:070:44:11

-Mum...

-No. No, I'm sorry.

0:44:110:44:14

I am fucking sorry.

0:44:140:44:17

-You've got to stop this.

-Sarcasm is the lowest fucking form of wit.

0:44:170:44:23

Mum, stop swearing.

0:44:230:44:24

Why you speaking to me as though I'm an imbecile?

0:44:240:44:27

Oh, shut your bleeding face.

0:44:270:44:30

-That's not nice.

-Treat me like a fucking idiot.

0:44:320:44:35

I suppose I get a bit angry, really.

0:44:350:44:37

And I think, "Well, why..."

0:44:370:44:39

Yes, I suppose I get a bit angry.

0:44:410:44:42

I'm deaf, I'm dumb, I'm fucking crackers.

0:44:440:44:47

Don't know what I'm fucking doing here anyway!

0:44:480:44:51

SPOON CLATTERS

0:44:510:44:52

How are you coping?

0:44:520:44:54

Uh...

0:44:540:44:56

How are we coping? Do you know how we're coping?

0:44:560:44:58

Actually, at times, I don't know how we do cope.

0:44:580:45:01

-I'm trying to eat my dinner!

-Eat your bleeding dinner, then.

-Sit down.

0:45:020:45:06

-Don't interrupt, then.

-Don't point at me. Sit down.

0:45:060:45:08

Don't you interrupt.

0:45:080:45:10

I haven't interrupted anybody.

0:45:100:45:12

No, well, don't take the bleeding piss, then.

0:45:120:45:15

There's obviously something very wrong with my brain,

0:45:150:45:19

but having said that...

0:45:190:45:21

We need our own space.

0:45:210:45:23

Don't behave like this, Mum.

0:45:230:45:25

No, well, don't treat me like I'm a bleeding idiot altogether, then!

0:45:250:45:30

-Fucking hell.

-All right! OK!

0:45:300:45:32

-All right.

-OK.

-OK.

-I'm OK.

0:45:320:45:35

There are...

0:45:410:45:43

-a few nice times when she does say a few funny things.

-Yeah.

0:45:430:45:47

They're few and far between, but...

0:45:470:45:49

You have a laugh, and you think, "She's not too bad after all,"

0:45:490:45:52

and then it all gets wiped again!

0:45:520:45:54

You see her sitting there, nice and quiet, and think, "Aww."

0:45:540:45:57

She turns and says, "What the F-ing hell are you looking at, you B?"

0:45:570:46:01

And that little moment's over and done with, innit?

0:46:010:46:05

You won't listen, Mum. I can't...

0:46:050:46:07

-I'm listening.

-I can't get through to you.

0:46:070:46:09

I'm listening to you!

0:46:090:46:11

And you're treating me

0:46:110:46:14

like I'm your worst enemy.

0:46:140:46:16

Do you think that's fair?

0:46:160:46:18

Well, you're saying that.

0:46:180:46:20

I'm going by your actions

0:46:200:46:22

and your words.

0:46:220:46:24

They couldn't be harsher with me.

0:46:240:46:26

SHE COUGHS

0:46:260:46:28

Ooh.

0:46:280:46:30

Is there anything you could pinpoint

0:46:300:46:33

that you loved about Peggy as she was, that you miss?

0:46:330:46:37

We're always been very different people.

0:46:370:46:41

We have always had

0:46:410:46:43

a difficult relationship anyway,

0:46:430:46:46

which I regret.

0:46:460:46:47

I'm struggling, I'm struggling, I'm struggling.

0:46:490:46:52

I can't answer that.

0:46:540:46:56

I know it sounds awful, but I can't answer that.

0:46:560:46:58

That sounds terrible, doesn't it?

0:46:580:47:00

-That sounds...

-No, you're just being honest.

0:47:000:47:02

That sounds really awful!

0:47:020:47:05

I'm grateful the fact that I could have had a terrible upbringing

0:47:050:47:08

and I look at other people's upbringings

0:47:080:47:11

and I'm very grateful

0:47:110:47:12

that she did her best.

0:47:120:47:14

She did her best, and now

0:47:140:47:15

I'm damn well going to do my best.

0:47:150:47:18

I think if I could turn back the clock and she had no dementia now

0:47:180:47:22

and I'd say, "Mum, you love your grandchildren,"

0:47:220:47:25

she'd say, "Course I love my grandchildren,"

0:47:250:47:28

and even if I said, "Mum..."

0:47:280:47:30

Sorry.

0:47:350:47:37

What would you like to say?

0:47:400:47:43

I'm sure she loved me.

0:47:430:47:44

It's just, it's her way of showing it, you know?

0:47:440:47:47

I don't quite know what to look for, really.

0:47:520:47:55

SHE BREATHES HOARSELY

0:47:570:47:59

You don't want all four of them on.

0:48:010:48:03

Sorry? You don't know what I'm doing, do you?

0:48:030:48:05

Oh.

0:48:050:48:06

Ah. Well...

0:48:060:48:08

Magic, see.

0:48:080:48:09

Oh, this is going to be fun and games.

0:48:090:48:11

-Oh, this really smells.

-Yeah. Oh, dear.

0:48:130:48:15

There's too much in here

0:48:150:48:17

-and we don't know what's clean and what's not clean.

-No...

0:48:170:48:20

'Sue's youngest daughter, Elise,

0:48:200:48:22

'has come to help sort out Peggy's clothes

0:48:220:48:24

'ahead of the move in a few days' time.'

0:48:240:48:26

..and everything disappears.

0:48:260:48:28

How do you feel about Peggy coming to live with you?

0:48:320:48:34

I'm quite happy in one sense, cos I get to see her every day,

0:48:340:48:39

whereas where I'm so busy, I don't always get to see her.

0:48:390:48:42

Which is nice.

0:48:420:48:43

And you can keep an eye on her, know what she's doing.

0:48:430:48:46

You ain't got to worry about her. But it is hard work.

0:48:460:48:49

You have to remember, she wasn't like this before

0:48:490:48:51

and it's hard to remember that, especially when she's being nasty,

0:48:510:48:55

like she's thrown a glass of water over me, things like that,

0:48:550:48:58

and you've got to bite your tongue

0:48:580:49:00

although you might just walk out of the room, you think, "You cow."

0:49:000:49:03

But she's not really like that.

0:49:030:49:05

She would never have done that before,

0:49:050:49:08

and that's the only upsetting thing about it,

0:49:080:49:10

when you think about how she used to be... Sorry.

0:49:100:49:13

Dirty.

0:49:180:49:21

I'm sorry.

0:49:210:49:22

Do you miss the Gran you had?

0:49:230:49:25

Yeah, sometimes.

0:49:250:49:27

All the time, actually.

0:49:270:49:29

She is funny. She really makes you laugh sometimes, even now.

0:49:290:49:32

She's a character, isn't she?

0:49:320:49:34

Oh, yeah. She's always been a character.

0:49:340:49:37

Yeah, she's brilliant. It's just hard to...

0:49:370:49:40

-You've started me off now!

-Sorry!

0:49:400:49:42

I think one egg would have been sufficient, but not to worry.

0:49:460:49:49

I've got to turn this cooker off now.

0:49:490:49:52

Now how does that go on? Phil!

0:49:520:49:55

Phil!

0:49:560:49:58

You secrete it down there so she don't see it.

0:49:580:50:02

Phil!

0:50:020:50:03

Would you turn the cooker off now for me, please?

0:50:030:50:06

Right. Oh, what if she sees me?

0:50:070:50:10

Oh, well.

0:50:100:50:11

You frightened the life out of me!

0:50:160:50:18

-You all right, sweetheart?

-Oh!

0:50:180:50:20

-You don't want her to see you doing this?

-No! No.

0:50:220:50:25

Oh.

0:50:250:50:27

Magic hands, these are.

0:50:270:50:30

Massive hands?

0:50:300:50:32

-Magic hands!

-Oh, magic!

0:50:320:50:34

Do you love her, do you think?

0:50:370:50:39

I think I must do.

0:50:390:50:40

At times, I could strangle her and throw her out the window

0:50:420:50:45

but to be honest,

0:50:450:50:46

I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

0:50:460:50:48

You know where we're going today?

0:50:510:50:52

-We're going to see the doctor.

-About my...

0:50:520:50:55

-About...

-My...

0:50:550:50:57

Wait a minute, I'll think of it in a minute. My...

0:50:570:51:00

-Your what?

-My brain scan.

0:51:000:51:01

What would you like to ask him when you get there? It's your chance.

0:51:010:51:05

Can things get worse?

0:51:050:51:07

Can things get worse?

0:51:070:51:09

I just hope they cannot get worse.

0:51:100:51:13

-Oh!

-That's it.

0:51:140:51:16

Do you find that, sometimes when people

0:51:170:51:19

have the types of difficulties you've had, they can find

0:51:190:51:22

that either people's personality can change a little after a stroke

0:51:220:51:26

or sometimes it can make people a bit more prone to lose their temper.

0:51:260:51:31

Have you noticed any of those things?

0:51:310:51:33

Well, I do find that maybe I'm difficult sometimes,

0:51:330:51:37

with them, and I think to myself, "I'm not difficult."

0:51:370:51:41

Maybe I'm worrying too much about something.

0:51:430:51:47

Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of things on your mind.

0:51:470:51:50

-Yeah, there is at the moment.

-Yeah.

0:51:500:51:52

So first of all, the MRI scan of your brain that we...

0:51:520:51:57

-Sorry?

-The MRI scan that we did of your brain.

0:51:570:52:00

What that shows is some, perhaps some slightly different things

0:52:000:52:04

to the scan you had four years ago.

0:52:040:52:06

-What?

-I think what the new scan shows is that

0:52:060:52:08

there is a little more general shrinkage of the brain as well.

0:52:080:52:11

And what that probably means is that

0:52:110:52:14

there's a different type of dementia in your brain,

0:52:140:52:18

which is something called Alzheimer's disease,

0:52:180:52:21

and I think that the memory tests and other things that we did,

0:52:210:52:25

and some of the practical problems that you're having every day

0:52:250:52:28

actually show that as well.

0:52:280:52:31

-That's a lot to take in in one go.

-Yeah...

-So if you've got questions

0:52:310:52:34

or you'd like me to explain any of it again, I can do that.

0:52:340:52:38

I can only say to you,

0:52:380:52:40

what can I say?

0:52:400:52:42

I think you're doing a fine job.

0:52:420:52:44

And you're also very caring

0:52:450:52:48

and I will do whatever I have to do

0:52:480:52:52

to help us all on our way.

0:52:520:52:55

Well, I think you've both been doing a remarkable job

0:52:550:52:58

of making this work practically. I think you've managed very well.

0:52:580:53:02

-These can be difficult situations.

-It doesn't feel that way sometimes.

0:53:020:53:06

-They're always challenging.

-There's moments of despair, I'm afraid.

0:53:060:53:09

I'm better at the practical aspects of it, probably,

0:53:090:53:13

than the mental aspects of the condition

0:53:130:53:15

so I'm hoping that the granny annexe will solve that.

0:53:150:53:18

She probably thinks she's got

0:53:180:53:20

a lot more freedom than she actually will have,

0:53:200:53:23

in the sense I'll be watching far more than she ever imagined,

0:53:230:53:27

so this is as good as it gets.

0:53:270:53:29

-The new house and granny annexe are finally ready.

-There we are.

0:53:390:53:42

For the first time in four months,

0:53:420:53:45

Peggy will have a front door all of her own.

0:53:450:53:48

Mum, this is your new home, OK?

0:53:480:53:49

-Thank you.

-This is Peggy's front door.

0:53:490:53:52

In we go. In we go.

0:53:520:53:56

So this is going to be your bedroom,

0:53:560:53:59

also where you watch television.

0:53:590:54:00

-The television is going to be over there. Can you see it?

-Oh!

0:54:000:54:03

-You've got your chair.

-You've got your chair there.

-Right.

0:54:030:54:07

You can look out the window if you want.

0:54:070:54:09

Look at that. I think I'm being looked after.

0:54:090:54:12

You know why, Susan?

0:54:120:54:14

-Because that...

-Cos you're my mum.

0:54:140:54:17

-I understand.

-We want you to understand

0:54:170:54:19

that we're going to have to live sort of separately.

0:54:190:54:22

It's been a bit forced, what we've been living the last few months.

0:54:220:54:25

-That'll be fine.

-Really, we're going to make you

0:54:250:54:28

-as independent as you can possibly be.

-I think I will be.

0:54:280:54:31

We're next-door neighbours.

0:54:310:54:33

Well, it's nice to have a nice next-door neighbour.

0:54:330:54:36

It is, but you're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you!

0:54:360:54:39

I'm sorry about that!

0:54:390:54:41

So if you come this way, we'll show you what else we've done for you.

0:54:410:54:45

-That's it.

-OK.

0:54:480:54:49

Can you see, Mum, what we've given you here makes you independent

0:54:510:54:56

and you can sort everything else out yourself, with food and everything?

0:54:560:55:00

Definitely. Who knows?

0:55:000:55:02

-I might live till I'm 90.

-Yeah.

0:55:020:55:05

I don't suppose for one minute

0:55:050:55:07

you've enjoyed living with us very much, Mum,

0:55:070:55:10

so it'll be nicer for you from now on, won't it?

0:55:100:55:13

No, I can't say that it was 100%.

0:55:130:55:15

-No, it wasn't 100%, we'll be honest on that.

-I would say it was...

0:55:150:55:18

I would say it was...

0:55:180:55:20

-95%.

-I think I'd put it a little bit lower than that, Mum.

0:55:200:55:24

80%, then!

0:55:240:55:26

75%!

0:55:260:55:28

-Yeah, probably.

-75%.

0:55:280:55:31

We've invested a lot of time and money in this. It's got to work.

0:55:310:55:34

I'm almost sure it will work.

0:55:340:55:36

We're gone.

0:55:360:55:37

SUE AND PEGGY LAUGH

0:55:370:55:38

We're out of here.

0:55:380:55:40

-Oh, dear.

-That's it.

0:55:400:55:43

-She seems happy enough.

-That's it.

0:55:450:55:47

Right, now, our house.

0:55:470:55:50

What are you looking forward to now that you've moved?

0:55:500:55:53

Dancing.

0:55:530:55:54

And, yes, it won't take me long to...

0:55:550:55:58

I'm just looking forward to

0:56:000:56:03

carrying on with my life.

0:56:030:56:05

I told her, it's the smallest of turns.

0:56:050:56:08

But what you tell her and what she listens to

0:56:080:56:11

is an entirely different thing.

0:56:110:56:13

-That's it, she's got it.

-Yeah, go on, girl. Go on. You can do it.

0:56:130:56:16

-Not up, down!

-No, down!

0:56:160:56:20

Turn it to the right and pull the handle down.

0:56:200:56:24

-Down, down, down!

-No!

0:56:240:56:25

What does this day represent for you?

0:56:290:56:32

This means we can have, it won't be 100% normal,

0:56:320:56:34

but as much normality as we'd possibly have.

0:56:340:56:38

-We get our life back.

-No worry.

0:56:380:56:39

We get our life back. It is so, so hard.

0:56:390:56:41

I just want to go through an hour

0:56:410:56:45

without thinking about my mother's needs.

0:56:450:56:48

Do you think if you get that distance again,

0:56:490:56:53

you'll be able to enjoy her as a person more?

0:56:530:56:56

Hopefully. Hopefully.

0:56:560:56:58

-Well, here's to your new life.

-This is it.

0:56:580:57:00

-Thank you very much. And this is our new life coming up.

-Yeah, thank you.

0:57:000:57:05

-And Peggy's.

-Yeah.

0:57:050:57:08

She's laughing now. She's enjoying herself out there.

0:57:080:57:12

Well, I think, my honest opinion...

0:57:130:57:17

It's fit for a queen.

0:57:190:57:21

Oh, now, this is ideal.

0:57:220:57:25

It'll suit me fine.

0:57:250:57:27

Suit me fine.

0:57:270:57:28

That's better than a home.

0:57:300:57:31

-I'm sorry, that's better than the best home.

-It is.

0:57:310:57:34

Right. We've got to trust her now.

0:57:340:57:36

-We've got to stop looking her and let her get on with it.

-Yeah.

0:57:360:57:39

I couldn't wish for a nicer daughter.

0:57:390:57:42

A better daughter.

0:57:420:57:44

Where are you going, Peg?

0:58:010:58:04

I'm going out. I'm going dancing.

0:58:040:58:06

-All right.

-I'm going dancing.

0:58:060:58:08

Can we come with?

0:58:080:58:10

Yeah, if you like.

0:58:100:58:12

-Come on, then.

-Come on.

0:58:120:58:15

MUSIC: "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer

0:58:260:58:31

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:510:58:54

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