Granny's Moving In Wonderland

This programme contains some strong language

What are you looking forward to

when you move in together most?

-PHIL:

-Hmm.

THEY LAUGH

We're talking about what we're doing.

-What we're doing?

-You know, where you'll be living.

There'll be no such thing as perfection.

-Well, there's going to be a drawback of some sort.

-Bound to be.

As long as I can still...

-About the same as here.

-..rock around the clock, I'll get by.

Whose idea is this move?

I'll get by.

Guilty.

Guilty as charged.

No-one's going to help your situation.

You have to help yourself, really,

and I just, I've been thinking, what can we do about this situation,

and this seemed to come into my mind. That's all I can say,

and we're not the only ones, are we?

Had to do something, didn't we, Mum?

-Sorry?

-We had to do something!

I tell you what, there's a show at the West End now,

and I tell you what it is,

it's, um...

-It's great.

-What's this got to do...?

I will get to see it.

What's it called?

Is it called... I think it could be called, but I may be wrong,

One Hell Of A Party.

It could be.

With life expectancy rising,

and the cost of residential care often out of reach,

more and more people across Britain

are having to move an elderly relative in with the family.

One couple from east London, Phil and Sue Carroll,

agreed to let me follow them

as they prepare to set up a new home with Mum.

-Hello, Sue. I'm Paddy. Lovely to meet you.

-Come in.

-Wow, lovely house.

-You like it?

-Yeah.

-Shame, innit? I'm going.

When are you leaving this house?

Dunno. Haven't got a date yet.

How would you describe your mum? What's her character?

You cannot describe Peggy. Peggy's a one-off.

As you will see, she is very...

I don't know if you've been given her background,

but she is not your normal sit-in-a-chair-and-knit type lady.

You know, she's always wandered.

She's a Londoner of the old school.

That's the problem. That's why we've got to go, really.

She's just an ever source of worry.

This is why we're doing what we've got to do.

What is her condition like at the moment?

She's got vascular dementia, and she's...

No way, you will meet her, but no way can you put my mother in a home.

-Hello.

-Hello.

You ready?

Hello.

Shall I come in? Where shall I go?

-Well, go where you like.

-OK.

Where would you like? Choose.

Upstairs, downstairs? I haven't got an attic.

I'll go in the living room.

Come in the dining room.

Come where you like. Sorry about this.

All right, this is Paddy.

-Sorry?

-This is Paddy.

-Paddy?

-Yeah.

# Paddy, if you're Irish

# Come into the parlour

# There's a welcome there for you...

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't sing any more, I'm getting a bit emotional.

-Are you?

-Sorry? Yes.

-Do you know a lot of songs?

-Sorry?

Do you know a lot of songs?

-Quite a lot of songs.

-Yeah.

-Lovely to meet you.

-Oh, thank you.

I do remember many years ago,

I think I could have been about three years old...

..and I can remember your face!

My face?

You're looking so surprised!

-I'm not sure it was me.

-Sorry?

I did a few strange things in the high street some while ago.

There was quite a lot of people.

And I thought, "I wonder what's going on.

"Has there been an accident? I don't really know."

-And apparently, it was Ken Livingstone.

-Oh.

And, well, I don't really know,

but I just got hold of him,

and I can remember so well, he was wearing a blue satin tie.

I just got hold of his tie

and I said, "Well, this isn't good enough."

But then I think I was pulled away.

I don't quite know really what happened. Um...

That's why we got to move, because you assaulted Ken Livingstone.

Now we're on the run.

PEGGY LAUGHS

We're exiles, then.

The thing is, I may be very short

and I've probably shrunk in my old age, I don't really know,

but I do know what's right

and I know what's wrong.

Phil and Sue have two grown-up daughters.

Laura has already left home.

Elise moves out in a month.

At your point in life, I suppose you'd have been imagining

-this would be a great time in your life, right?

-Yeah.

Kids would be leaving...

Exactly. People are saying to me, "You're crazy, it's your time now,"

and I said, "Nope(!)"

Bye, then.

-Mind how you're going.

-Yeah.

I'll film you closing the door.

That's good.

Bye!

Sue and Phil lived with Peggy once before,

15 years ago, when they were waiting to move into their current house.

It was an experience they'd hoped not to repeat.

If this gets too much

and it goes on too long,

there are always alternatives,

cos you remember what happened last time.

-It was me that got upset last time.

-But you remember what happened.

if that starts to happen again, we'll have to...

But I won't let it happen. I'm older this time,

I'm more in control of the situation. It won't happen again.

What happened last time?

Peggy was more in control of everything

and it was a terrible personality clash thing

and it actually made me ill.

Peggy, when she was so-called normal, was a control freak

and...

..no-one could live with her. This is why I'm a bit worried now.

I think there is a possibility we can live with her now

because of the dementia, but...

It's got to work now, and I'm going to damn well make it work

and we're going to pull out all the stops to make it work

and I don't think it's going to affect me that way any more.

I'm just going to get over it, really.

Phil and Sue have decided the only way to care for Peggy

is for them all to live under the one roof.

They've bought a new house an hour way in Essex

and are converting the garage for Sue's mum to live in.

Peggy's house has already been sold

and she has to be out by the end of the month.

Peggy had promised Sue she would make a start on the packing.

Look. Mum, come here, look.

I've left you this,

-and I've left you this.

-Yeah, but...

-That was two weeks ago, Mum.

-You've not put one cup away. Not one.

-Yeah, but...

You've done nothing. Nothing.

I can't understand. You used to work for Hovendens, you said to me,

-and you know how to pack things up and I don't.

-I know, I know.

-Why can't you demonstrate in my hour of need?

-You want me to demonstrate?

Yeah, you going to do that? Cos I've got no idea. Teach me.

-No, you wouldn't have a clue, you're not as clever as I am.

-No.

There you go. You demonstrate.

-Not as clever as I am.

-No, that's true.

Oh, I can choose, then.

You're making me look a real twit,

and I'm not a twit. I know how to pack.

-I left this here two weeks ago, with all the stuff.

-Yeah, but...

And it's still there! It's still there, Mum.

It's still there.

Maybe I'm living too long.

Goodness, I've never seen...

I didn't know nets could get this dirty.

SHE GASPS

If Peggy could go back in time

and see the way I've let these curtains go, she'd tell me off.

Really?

Well, she wouldn't ever, ever live like this, never.

She was very, very fussy.

What are we witnessing in her behaviour now

that I wouldn't have seen before?

Well, basically, she's ten.

She's ten.

She relies on me to look after her, in lots of ways,

although she does have moments where she thinks she's very independent

but she's not.

She sees through the eyes of a child, I suppose,

the world is through the eyes of a child.

They wind you up. Dementia patients wind you up all the time.

They say things controversial, they criticise you,

they test you as a child can test you.

With a child, you can say, "Sit down, shut up,

"you'll get no supper," or whatever you do to discipline your children.

How can you do that with your mother?

It is very, very difficult. Very difficult.

I think that's Susan.

I'm sure that's Susan.

'Sue explained part of the reason Peggy was hard to care for

'was that she'd always been so independent.'

I'm not too sure who that is now.

Oh yes, Susan.

Peggy married Sue's dad, Les, in her early 20s

and was always the family's main breadwinner.

Eventually, they were able to buy their own house,

where they lived until her husband's death.

Oh, that's my husband, my second husband.

Oh, he was nice.

Here he is again.

'Peggy soon remarried to Tony.'

Where did you meet him?

Where did I meet him?

You've got me for a minute now.

Was it love at first sight?

Well, it must have been.

The pair travelled the world together

and eventually settled for two years in New Zealand.

Sue was just 19.

-So Susan stayed here when you moved there for a year or two?

-Yes, yeah.

But of course, I was worried about my Susan.

I thought, "I'm the other side of the...

"world, I'll say the world, and my daughter's here."

"My daughter's here,

"and, I've got to get home, I've got to get home, I've got to get home."

And yes, I came home.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

The most recent man in Peggy's life

is Bill, a 90-year-old war veteran.

They speak on the phone every day.

I'll sing you a song if you like.

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Oh, dear.

What can the matter be?

Two old... Are you list...?

Oh, bye for now. Bye.

Oh.

SHE CHUCKLES

What do you think he thinks of you, Peg?

I think he thinks a lot of me.

Could he have ever been your third husband? Any chance of that?

As it happens, I think he did say,

oh, yes, he did. Yes.

Yes, he did say, "Let's get married,"

and I thought, "Oh, I can't go through all that again."

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-'Peg?'

Yeah.

'# Three old ladies, they used the lavatory

'# They was there from Friday till Saturday

'# Nobody knew they was there...'

# Goodbye. #

I think he's got the message.

-Did you just hang up on him?

-I think he's got the message.

I can't listen to his...

He just wanted to say another, or sing another version

slightly different from what I'd remember.

Life's too short.

-Sorry?

-Life's too short!

Well, this is...

It's all very well, but I thought, well...

Morning, Peggy.

Morning.

Morning.

So, where does she go most?

She goes to London, where she knows.

She's an old-style Londoner.

She knows London, as she says, like the back of her hand.

'Platform three for the 10:54...'

There's no way in this world I want to stop that

while she can still do it.

She's as safe as she possibly can be, under the circumstances.

She won't get lost, though she's done that a couple of times

but we got over that.

How often will she go into London?

Could be seven days a week. As much as that.

Have Freedom pass, will travel.

You warm enough?

Is she warm enough?

Yeah, I think so!

I'm going to sit down. Do you mind?

SHE LAUGHS

'She talks to everybody and everything

'regardless of who they are.'

-Is she warm enough?

-Yeah.

-Are you warm enough?

-Yeah.

Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

'What does she talk to people about?'

I'm not even sure they're sure of that!

I tried smoking many years ago.

Over 60 years ago.

And I've never smoked since.

Put it out, put it out. Put it on the floor. No good for you.

-You like London?

-Love it.

-Oh!

We've got everything in London.

-We've got everything, haven't we, here? We have everything.

-Yeah.

Covent Garden, Buckingham Palace.

There's so much to see, really.

Have you seen that one?

-No, we've not seen that one.

-We've seen Phantom Of The Opera.

Oh, I saw that years ago.

Which is your girlfriend? The one with the red hair?

-Yeah. Yes.

-I'll go and have a word with her, shall I?

You think we should be getting back now?

Yes, whenever. I don't really mind.

Whatever. Whatever!

Getting a bit late, I think.

I don't even know what the time is.

-'She doesn't really think anything is wrong with her.'

-'Oh, no, no.'

Nothing's wrong. She's fine (!)

Why would we all be worried about Peggy?

Why did she think too much about me?

She's fine.

Why?

Cos I'm all right.

-She thinks that?

-SHE thinks that.

You've been enjoying yourself recently, haven't you?

Well, I just want to carry on living

as long as I'm safe.

-Ah. Which brings me round to the other day, the other evening.

-Sorry?

Sit down.

The other evening.

-I had to come round here, waiting for you.

-Yes?

-In the dark.

I went to Dragon Hall,

and saw quite a few people that I know there,

and there were two men there.

Hmm...

And I thought to myself,

they were sitting where I always generally sit,

and I thought, "Oh, I haven't seen those,

"I haven't seen these here before,"

but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to me.

In effect, they were quite strange,

they were strangers in a way, weren't they?

-I suppose, strangers, but...

-Yeah.

But anyway, as it happens,

we came out of there and then, one of these...

..the men, says, "Would you like a cup of tea?" So...

Mum. You met two men

you didn't know.

You put yourself open to what could have happened to you.

-Yeah, maybe I did.

-And then,

you came in at 10:30

so not only have you been with two men you couldn't put a name to,

you came in at 10:30 of a night. Can you imagine what that did to me?

I suppose so. Maybe I wasn't thinking.

-No.

-No, I probably wasn't thinking.

But anyway, having said all that,

um...

It was quite enjoyable, because

I came home with these two men.

-Mum, do you know how that sounds?!

-We came along...

I can't help it, because I'm me!

Right, I say to you,

"Mum, I'm sorry I came in late last night, I met two men."

-Sorry?

-What would you think?

Oh, well.

Well, I don't know.

You've got no idea,

you've got no idea,

of the chances you're taking, doing what you're doing.

Yes, well, I was probably stupid. Stupid, stupid,

-stupid Cupid...

-Mum, this is serious.

-No, I'm sorry. I realise...

-This is serious.

-Well, I was...

-Mum, do you know what I had to do?

We were going to ring the hospitals.

I did it.

I did it.

-And I've caused more...

-I don't feel very...

I've caused more hassle on my...

I won't do it again.

-You get the idea of the anxiety you're causing me?

-Yeah, I realise.

-You've got to try...

-I'm causing a rumpus.

Most people of your age don't go to London on their own, do they?

-Most don't.

-Oh, well, I'm sorry.

I mean, it's a terrible illness,

dementia, Alzheimer's, things like that, you know.

They're not the people you know any more.

Cos it's Sue's mother, Sue can't accept that.

Sue wants the person she knew before back. She tries to reason with her.

I don't try and reason with Peggy.

I just have a laugh with her and talk to her.

She's in the twilight of her life, she's 83 years old,

she's got dementia, and she goes out and enjoys herself more than I do.

Oh!

But we get through it cos she's on the happy pills

and I think I want to nick some of them off her.

I could do with a few happy pills myself!

Welcome to the house of fun.

Hello!

What has actually happened this morning? What have you been doing?

Everything I move, she's having a tantrum, I've got to say.

What was it about? Was it about moving?

It's the frustration of everything. She's losing control of everything.

It's not the move.

She doesn't seem to equate that what you've got to do to get the move

-may involve doing something.

-Hi, Peggy!

-Hello, Peggy.

It's the day of the move,

but the new house and annex aren't ready yet.

In the next few weeks,

Peggy will have to live in Phil and Sue's spare room.

Most of her possessions will have to go.

I've just looked at the bedroom. It's a mess.

-Mum?

-Hang on just a minute. Just a minute.

Keep your wig on.

Are you taking that?

Mmm. Could you put it in, please? Thank you.

I'm sorry my ears aren't perfection.

A couple of those hangers...

Which ones do you want?

Excuse me, that one. Thank you.

Starting again is a good thing, isn't it?

-Sorry?

-To start again is a good thing, isn't it?

All nice new things, new towels, new linen. It will be nice.

Hang on just a minute.

Oh, just a minute.

Oh.

You see how you patched it up and it's in a terrible state?

It's sentimental so you want to keep it for that reason only.

Throw it then.

Can you decide? I don't want you to say I made you do it.

Throw it, throw it, throw it.

But you...

Throw it, throw it, throw it.

Throw it.

OK, I'm going to take you at your word then.

Mum, are these glasses you wear? They're not your prescription.

They're not your prescription.

Where's your rubbish?

-Is that rubbish in there?

-Yeah.

-No, you're not looking in there.

-No, all right.

-You're not taking things out!

-No, that particularly I wanted.

Thank you.

Oh, Susan, you're wearing me out.

-Right, that...

-Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

That, that, that, that, that, that, that.

I'll go that way. Excuse me.

Mum, there's nothing in that garden other than this that we're taking.

-We have been all through this.

-Can I get my broom in? Can I get my bag in?

If you think I'm taking your broom, you've got another thing coming.

-Mum, what are you doing with the broom?

-Just a minute, Susan!

Tell me what you're going to do with it.

-I'm going to clean my teeth with it.

-Mum, no!

All right then, all right then.

Keep your wig on a minute.

Mum, where are you going with those?

I'm going... Leave me for a minute, will you?!

Will you? Will you?

Will you?

Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?

Why don't you throw me out in the dustbin?

Oh, my goodness.

-I have had enough.

-I've had enough as well.

I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm getting angry.

I'm emotionally drained.

Are you stressed?

I feel about 90 today.

I think I feel about 90.

What do you want 20 bars of soap for?

Oh, don't ask me. Mum?

-Mum, you've got five teddy bears already.

-Yes, I know.

I know.

Oh, dear.

I've got to say, I've got no sentimentality

about this house - it's been nothing but misery to me.

She's gone from being a very fussy woman,

wanting everything just so, and obviously that did involve me,

with being like this and not being responsible for anything.

So I can't really say I've got happy memories with this house.

You've always been cleaning it.

Well, there has always been a problem -

I've always had to sort it out.

And you had to look after this place when she left.

Yes, when she went to New Zealand,

as a 19-year-old, I had to look after it.

Um...

Yeah.

So, goodbye house!

Let me have a look in a minute. Let me have a look in a minute.

What about my umbrellas?

May I take my umbrellas?

Only if you can guarantee it's going to rain.

-Oh, shut up.

-Of course you can take your umbrellas.

-Don't be so stupid.

-I can't leave umbrellas in the house.

-Don't be stupid!

May I take that, or not?

-So, you're about to say goodbye to this house for the last time.

-Um...

Well, I can't say goodbye to a house, can I?

Shall we wander round to Phil and Sue's then?

Yes, sure. Yeah.

All right. Yes, all right. I know you're lovely.

I know you're lovely, but all right.

DOG BARKS

Hiya.

"One, two, three...

"Mother caught a flea.

"She put it in the teapot and made a cup of tea."

Do you know, this house...

You know, I can't stand this house.

I've never liked this house.

Susan?

Your wonderful mother's here.

Ooh.

I know it's a bit traumatic, saying goodbye to some of your stuff

-but it's so necessary.

-Some of my stuff? What stuff?

Stuff you've lost since we've been doing this move.

You've lost obviously some of your stuff,

but we haven't lost the important stuff.

-I haven't said anything.

-No, I know that.

You're doing all the talking. You're doing all the talking.

I think she just has to get it into her head

that we can't sit and listen to her

talking endlessly hours and hours.

So, what we're going to have to do is carry on as normal,

don't ignore her, of course not, that would be ridiculous.

-But try and be as normal as possible.

-Yes.

We can have a clock, a calendar, a television.

Oh, keys to the house.

-Got to have keys to this house.

-Yup.

You're going to have to have keys.

You're going to have to practise the door.

What am I, a pain in the neck?

No!

All we want is you to carry on as normal.

Well, I've agreed with that. I won't interfere with your lifestyle.

I won't interfere with your lifestyle.

-And I wouldn't interfere with yours.

-Oh, well there you go.

"One, two, three."

-OK. This could work.

-"Mother caught a flea."

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah... #

# And I remember when we won a bottle of champagne... #

-Pill time!

-Pill time, yeah!

I think it's pill time.

Pill time or Phil time?

I won't be here for dinner tomorrow,

so we're going to have to sort you out food-wise.

Sorry? You're not what?

I won't be here for dinner, so we'll have to sort you out food-wise.

Well, you won't have to sort me out food-wise, I can...

What's your plan?

I wouldn't even know yet. Just leave me.

-Leave you, food-wise.

-Yes.

And you'll just make something, or find something...

Oh, yes, yes.

Yes.

You're being funny, aren't you?

I'm just giving you a bit of your...

your own medicine.

-OK, right.

-Thank you.

What we've got in here, we've got quite a few cereals in there.

-So, if you want cereals, they're all under here.

-All right then.

Well, I'd only have to open the cupboard and I'd see the cereals, wouldn't I?

-What are cupboards for?

-That is really rude, isn't it?

-Well...

-You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.

-I'm sorry.

-You wouldn't talk to anyone else like that.

-I'm sorry...

You're getting tired, aren't you?

Why are you so rude to me all the time?

If anyone was standing here...

Oh, Susan. All right then. Keep quiet.

Keep quiet.

Well, well, well.

-She's quite harsh on you.

-She what?

She's harsh on you, isn't she?

Always been that way. Always been harsh on me. Always.

Very harsh.

I've got no idea why.

I've always been trying to find a way round it,

work out why, and I've never come to a conclusion.

I'm never going to, really.

She's 83 now, it's not going to happen now, is it?

It's just rude, very rude.

And how is it you're so loyal to her?

I don't know!

I don't know, I really don't know.

Oh! Oh.

CANNED LAUGHTER ON TV

Mum, I'm off now.

For the past three years,

Peggy has been taking the same dose of pills every day.

-I'm just taking my pills.

-Oh, good.

I've got to find out exactly again, what they are for.

You've got two for blood pressure.

Two for... Ah, I didn't realise it was two for blood pressure.

One is an aspirin. And one...

is to get you a little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.

-Chilled out?

-A little bit more chilled out than you would be normally.

-Oh...

See you later!

DOOR CREAKS

Over the next few weeks,

Phil, Sue and Peggy decided to keep a video record of their days together

as they got used to living under the same roof.

I don't even know how that bleeding works.

SHE BURPS

Charming.

# Charming! #

Have you took your pills?

When you get older, life can be miserable if you make it miserable.

You can sit in the chair and mope. There's a lot of mopers out there,

with their aches and pains.

Peggy is marvellous at ignoring aches and pains,

and just getting on with it anyway. That's a fine example

and I think we all should have a bit of Peggy in us as we get older!

I'll bleeding get up those bleeding stairs...if it kills me.

-Why go up when I can do it?

-No. Why this and why that.

And why the bleeding other.

I want to keep it going as long as I can and I'm going to do that.

This is what all this is about, really - keeping Peggy going

while she's happy.

What do you find you struggle with?

I really... Well, personal things.

The personal things seem to be... a big problem at the moment.

Wear something different - you've got loads of clothes here - loads.

-Wear something different.

-I know I've got loads of clothes.

Wear something different tomorrow.

She got to the point whereby I think people would've...

backed away from her, because her personal hygiene was...

not good. Not good at all.

So she's going to have to put up with a few rules

for the rest of our sakes.

But we'll get it as best as we can, so Peggy can carry on as normal.

I don't know how long she'll carry on like this.

It could be six months, for all I know.

But we can only do the best every day at a time.

That's her motto - one day at a time.

-Go on then, go and get two whiskeys.

-Susan! Come and thump your mother.

I'm not her "mother". I'm her mother. Thank you very much.

How are you, Phil?

Knackered.

But this is all part of my wife's plan.

And as she says, it will all fall into place.

That's if I don't fall into a grave first, you know?

My plan was to retire next year and with the kids off our hands,

me and Sue buy a little bungalow.

Somewhere a little bit rural and that was our dream,

but...there goes that dream up in smoke.

We'll all go mental in the end - we'll all end up in a mental home.

-What are you going to do today?

-Well, as I say,

I would like to go dancing.

A waltz, a foxtrot, a cha-cha, a samba.

Maybe a jive.

Do what you like! Um... Yes.

MUSIC BLARES

Peggy's friend Bill has been her dance partner for nearly 20 years.

But a recent deterioration in his health has stopped him from getting out.

-They're getting a lot better, aren't they, Bill?

-They need to get better.

He's cared for by a neighbour and Peggy.

I want to see your legs, that's what I've come up to see - your legs.

Have a look at his legs after, Peg, because his dinner is going to get cold.

-Me and Jackie will be in later, yeah?

-Very nice people.

-Bill, don't cry, darling. Don't worry about it.

-I'll make him laugh.

-You eat your lunch.

-I'll make him laugh. Now, come on.

Bill, me and Jackie...

We'll be back later to give you your tablets, all right?

Now I really want to know what's been happening with your legs?

Well, don't forget I'll be 91 soon

and the dance that we used to go...

The enjoyment, over the embankment.

And all other places - and we've had a very good life.

But unfortunately, I fell back a bit now and it's my age.

Well... I mean, I just don't understand it, but I'm very, very concerned.

About you and your well-being.

I think you've had enough there.

-OK.

-I know you've had enough. They won't get annoyed.

Me ankles are swollen.

-I know!

-That's why I have to cut my shoes down the side.

-I know.

If you could pull that shoe off...

Take it from the back - it's all swollen. What I have to do...

But I can't...

I have to cut the sides off here to get my feet in it,

so I can tie them up.

What would happen if he couldn't get his shoes on and get outside?

-He'd be a prisoner in here, wouldn't he?

-He'd be a prisoner in his own home.

His own home!

And I don't think he would like that. No way.

-This is my home.

-No way.

This is my home.

She said she'd be back at about...

Half past two.

But, that's not too bad. I'm OK with it at the moment.

But when it's dark, it puts a different reflection on everything,

really - it seems worse.

She's gone dancing, bet your life.

I wonder how many 83-year-olds are out in the dark? Not many.

Look at the radical change she's having to put up with.

She's used to coming into a house

and there's no-one there - which is sad -

and that's probably an improvement, but it's different.

I know what you're saying,

but... She's OK.

-You've got to see it from her point of view.

-She's OK. Don't worry.

I think she actually likes it.

In respect, she's got people to talk to.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yes?!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

THEY LAUGH

Ooh!

-Oh.

-Where have you been?

Where have I been? Wait a minute.

Where have I been?

Well, I went to see if Bill was all right,

but unfortunately he lost his patience with me, I think.

So I thought, "Sorry, Bill,"

so from thereon I thought I'd go to Spitalfields.

-What, this time of night?

-Well...

-You said you was coming back at 2.30.

Well, I did say I was coming back, but I was having quite a good time,

really. Someone gave me a book and...

What's this?

"We are revolting - 40 years...

"of queer activism."

PHIL SNIGGERS

"Grass roots LGBT activism" -

whatever that's all about.

"No gay rights, no gay something, we don't just want more cake,

"we want the whole...bloody bakery!"

-What that is there... What do you think that leaflet is for?

-Well...

-Well, I don't know, cos I haven't had chance to read it.

-Yeah...

-Shall I put that in the bin?

-Put it where you like.

Put it where you like.

I think you picked up half the market there, in that bag!

HAMMERING

POWER TOOLS BUZZ

-Do you know what, Mum?

-What?

-Three feet might be OK.

Because you'll have more room in the garage conversion

if you have a three-foot bed.

Peggy and Sue have come to choose a new bed for the annexe.

How you getting on, dear?

I'm thinking a three-foot bed here, cos we've got a garage conversion.

-Our options would be open...

-Absolutely.

Let's show you something different, because there is one more option.

-I'll have to...

-You're not paying attention here, are you?

PEGGY LAUGHS

-Try and just...

-Hang on a minute!

-I'll make it easier.

-I can do it.

-If I bring that down...

-Don't worry. I'll...

-Where there's a will, there's a way.

-All right, then.

OK.

She's got the giggles, hasn't she?

-I bet this isn't the first time you've had giggles in your shop, is it?

-Absolutely not!

-No.

-I told you...

-Now she's killed my plant!

-PIGGY GIGGLES

-Shall I move that out of the way?

THEY ALL LAUGH

I don't know what to say at this point.

I don't know what to say, I mean... Does it...?

LAUGHTER

-Mum, you're making this very difficult.

-Oh, I'm sorry!

We're trying to...

The idea here is it'll give you a bit more protection on the shoulders and on the hips.

-So it's a little bit softer on top.

-Mum, I'm serious now.

Don't muck me about.

I can't... I'm not...!

-Right, that's memory. Memory foam.

-That'll keep my memory all right.

-No!

When you move, your body makes an indentation

-and it supports you...

-Oh, well,

if it's going to support me in many ways, I'll have that one.

-Thanks, ladies - nice to see you.

-OK, thanks very much.

-Bye-bye, now.

-Just keep coming. Just keep coming normally.

-Oh, OK.

I think you left a damp patch on that bed.

Well, that's what I thought.

This is why you've got to wear them things, Mum,

because you're not getting away with it any more.

-I think I've got a pad on now.

-Just didn't work, did it?

-You need something a bit more substantial.

-OK.

I feel a bit uncomfortable now.

Well, you would be, Mum, because you're not treating...

You're not dealing with it, using the proper pads.

If I can go to the chemist and buy some stuff to help you,

you needn't make such a big thing of it.

You're going to have to... not fight me.

You're not getting away with it, Mum.

I don't want to get away with it. I'll go along with whatever,

if it's helping my own personal hygiene.

Yes, OK. So today is the beginning of a new day.

Beginning of a new phase.

-Go into Boots and buy a supply...

-And it won't be an issue any more.

It will not be an issue any more.

-Any more.

-Any more.

-Boots, then!

-BOTH:

-To Boots!

-Hurray!

-Off we go!

-There we go.

Peggy has been living in Phil and Sue's house for six weeks.

But her loss of independence has made coping with her condition harder for everybody.

All I said to you was, it'll be better for you...

Mum, you're putting your finger in your ears.

How stupid is that?

Mum, that's childish.

You mustn't do that. Do you want me to do that?

Mum, that's really childish.

OK.

She's been horrendous.

This illness is, you know...

Peggy just screams, hollers and shouts and wants her own way.

We're not prepared to give it to her 100% because you can't.

And so, there's been screaming matches every day.

You live a nightmare, but you understand it.

You walk into it eyes wide open.

So... It's about right, isn't it, really?

RAIN PATTERS

-I'm gonna fucking fart all around.

-Mum...

-I'm not! Shut up.

-Mum...

-Shut up!

-Mum...

-No. No, I'm sorry.

I am fucking sorry.

-You've got to stop this.

-Sarcasm is the lowest fucking form of wit.

Mum, stop swearing.

Why you speaking to me as though I'm an imbecile?

Oh, shut your bleeding face.

-That's not nice.

-Treat me like a fucking idiot.

I suppose I get a bit angry, really.

And I think, "Well, why..."

Yes, I suppose I get a bit angry.

I'm deaf, I'm dumb, I'm fucking crackers.

Don't know what I'm fucking doing here anyway!

SPOON CLATTERS

How are you coping?

Uh...

How are we coping? Do you know how we're coping?

Actually, at times, I don't know how we do cope.

-I'm trying to eat my dinner!

-Eat your bleeding dinner, then.

-Sit down.

-Don't interrupt, then.

-Don't point at me. Sit down.

Don't you interrupt.

I haven't interrupted anybody.

No, well, don't take the bleeding piss, then.

There's obviously something very wrong with my brain,

but having said that...

We need our own space.

Don't behave like this, Mum.

No, well, don't treat me like I'm a bleeding idiot altogether, then!

-Fucking hell.

-All right! OK!

-All right.

-OK.

-OK.

-I'm OK.

There are...

-a few nice times when she does say a few funny things.

-Yeah.

They're few and far between, but...

You have a laugh, and you think, "She's not too bad after all,"

and then it all gets wiped again!

You see her sitting there, nice and quiet, and think, "Aww."

She turns and says, "What the F-ing hell are you looking at, you B?"

And that little moment's over and done with, innit?

You won't listen, Mum. I can't...

-I'm listening.

-I can't get through to you.

I'm listening to you!

And you're treating me

like I'm your worst enemy.

Do you think that's fair?

Well, you're saying that.

I'm going by your actions

and your words.

They couldn't be harsher with me.

SHE COUGHS

Ooh.

Is there anything you could pinpoint

that you loved about Peggy as she was, that you miss?

We're always been very different people.

We have always had

a difficult relationship anyway,

which I regret.

I'm struggling, I'm struggling, I'm struggling.

I can't answer that.

I know it sounds awful, but I can't answer that.

That sounds terrible, doesn't it?

-That sounds...

-No, you're just being honest.

That sounds really awful!

I'm grateful the fact that I could have had a terrible upbringing

and I look at other people's upbringings

and I'm very grateful

that she did her best.

She did her best, and now

I'm damn well going to do my best.

I think if I could turn back the clock and she had no dementia now

and I'd say, "Mum, you love your grandchildren,"

she'd say, "Course I love my grandchildren,"

and even if I said, "Mum..."

Sorry.

What would you like to say?

I'm sure she loved me.

It's just, it's her way of showing it, you know?

I don't quite know what to look for, really.

SHE BREATHES HOARSELY

You don't want all four of them on.

Sorry? You don't know what I'm doing, do you?

Oh.

Ah. Well...

Magic, see.

Oh, this is going to be fun and games.

-Oh, this really smells.

-Yeah. Oh, dear.

There's too much in here

-and we don't know what's clean and what's not clean.

-No...

'Sue's youngest daughter, Elise,

'has come to help sort out Peggy's clothes

'ahead of the move in a few days' time.'

..and everything disappears.

How do you feel about Peggy coming to live with you?

I'm quite happy in one sense, cos I get to see her every day,

whereas where I'm so busy, I don't always get to see her.

Which is nice.

And you can keep an eye on her, know what she's doing.

You ain't got to worry about her. But it is hard work.

You have to remember, she wasn't like this before

and it's hard to remember that, especially when she's being nasty,

like she's thrown a glass of water over me, things like that,

and you've got to bite your tongue

although you might just walk out of the room, you think, "You cow."

But she's not really like that.

She would never have done that before,

and that's the only upsetting thing about it,

when you think about how she used to be... Sorry.

Dirty.

I'm sorry.

Do you miss the Gran you had?

Yeah, sometimes.

All the time, actually.

She is funny. She really makes you laugh sometimes, even now.

She's a character, isn't she?

Oh, yeah. She's always been a character.

Yeah, she's brilliant. It's just hard to...

-You've started me off now!

-Sorry!

I think one egg would have been sufficient, but not to worry.

I've got to turn this cooker off now.

Now how does that go on? Phil!

Phil!

You secrete it down there so she don't see it.

Phil!

Would you turn the cooker off now for me, please?

Right. Oh, what if she sees me?

Oh, well.

You frightened the life out of me!

-You all right, sweetheart?

-Oh!

-You don't want her to see you doing this?

-No! No.

Oh.

Magic hands, these are.

Massive hands?

-Magic hands!

-Oh, magic!

Do you love her, do you think?

I think I must do.

At times, I could strangle her and throw her out the window

but to be honest,

I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

You know where we're going today?

-We're going to see the doctor.

-About my...

-About...

-My...

Wait a minute, I'll think of it in a minute. My...

-Your what?

-My brain scan.

What would you like to ask him when you get there? It's your chance.

Can things get worse?

Can things get worse?

I just hope they cannot get worse.

-Oh!

-That's it.

Do you find that, sometimes when people

have the types of difficulties you've had, they can find

that either people's personality can change a little after a stroke

or sometimes it can make people a bit more prone to lose their temper.

Have you noticed any of those things?

Well, I do find that maybe I'm difficult sometimes,

with them, and I think to myself, "I'm not difficult."

Maybe I'm worrying too much about something.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of things on your mind.

-Yeah, there is at the moment.

-Yeah.

So first of all, the MRI scan of your brain that we...

-Sorry?

-The MRI scan that we did of your brain.

What that shows is some, perhaps some slightly different things

to the scan you had four years ago.

-What?

-I think what the new scan shows is that

there is a little more general shrinkage of the brain as well.

And what that probably means is that

there's a different type of dementia in your brain,

which is something called Alzheimer's disease,

and I think that the memory tests and other things that we did,

and some of the practical problems that you're having every day

actually show that as well.

-That's a lot to take in in one go.

-Yeah...

-So if you've got questions

or you'd like me to explain any of it again, I can do that.

I can only say to you,

what can I say?

I think you're doing a fine job.

And you're also very caring

and I will do whatever I have to do

to help us all on our way.

Well, I think you've both been doing a remarkable job

of making this work practically. I think you've managed very well.

-These can be difficult situations.

-It doesn't feel that way sometimes.

-They're always challenging.

-There's moments of despair, I'm afraid.

I'm better at the practical aspects of it, probably,

than the mental aspects of the condition

so I'm hoping that the granny annexe will solve that.

She probably thinks she's got

a lot more freedom than she actually will have,

in the sense I'll be watching far more than she ever imagined,

so this is as good as it gets.

-The new house and granny annexe are finally ready.

-There we are.

For the first time in four months,

Peggy will have a front door all of her own.

Mum, this is your new home, OK?

-Thank you.

-This is Peggy's front door.

In we go. In we go.

So this is going to be your bedroom,

also where you watch television.

-The television is going to be over there. Can you see it?

-Oh!

-You've got your chair.

-You've got your chair there.

-Right.

You can look out the window if you want.

Look at that. I think I'm being looked after.

You know why, Susan?

-Because that...

-Cos you're my mum.

-I understand.

-We want you to understand

that we're going to have to live sort of separately.

It's been a bit forced, what we've been living the last few months.

-That'll be fine.

-Really, we're going to make you

-as independent as you can possibly be.

-I think I will be.

We're next-door neighbours.

Well, it's nice to have a nice next-door neighbour.

It is, but you're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you!

I'm sorry about that!

So if you come this way, we'll show you what else we've done for you.

-That's it.

-OK.

Can you see, Mum, what we've given you here makes you independent

and you can sort everything else out yourself, with food and everything?

Definitely. Who knows?

-I might live till I'm 90.

-Yeah.

I don't suppose for one minute

you've enjoyed living with us very much, Mum,

so it'll be nicer for you from now on, won't it?

No, I can't say that it was 100%.

-No, it wasn't 100%, we'll be honest on that.

-I would say it was...

I would say it was...

-95%.

-I think I'd put it a little bit lower than that, Mum.

80%, then!

75%!

-Yeah, probably.

-75%.

We've invested a lot of time and money in this. It's got to work.

I'm almost sure it will work.

We're gone.

SUE AND PEGGY LAUGH

We're out of here.

-Oh, dear.

-That's it.

-She seems happy enough.

-That's it.

Right, now, our house.

What are you looking forward to now that you've moved?

Dancing.

And, yes, it won't take me long to...

I'm just looking forward to

carrying on with my life.

I told her, it's the smallest of turns.

But what you tell her and what she listens to

is an entirely different thing.

-That's it, she's got it.

-Yeah, go on, girl. Go on. You can do it.

-Not up, down!

-No, down!

Turn it to the right and pull the handle down.

-Down, down, down!

-No!

What does this day represent for you?

This means we can have, it won't be 100% normal,

but as much normality as we'd possibly have.

-We get our life back.

-No worry.

We get our life back. It is so, so hard.

I just want to go through an hour

without thinking about my mother's needs.

Do you think if you get that distance again,

you'll be able to enjoy her as a person more?

Hopefully. Hopefully.

-Well, here's to your new life.

-This is it.

-Thank you very much. And this is our new life coming up.

-Yeah, thank you.

-And Peggy's.

-Yeah.

She's laughing now. She's enjoying herself out there.

Well, I think, my honest opinion...

It's fit for a queen.

Oh, now, this is ideal.

It'll suit me fine.

Suit me fine.

That's better than a home.

-I'm sorry, that's better than the best home.

-It is.

Right. We've got to trust her now.

-We've got to stop looking her and let her get on with it.

-Yeah.

I couldn't wish for a nicer daughter.

A better daughter.

Where are you going, Peg?

I'm going out. I'm going dancing.

-All right.

-I'm going dancing.

Can we come with?

Yeah, if you like.

-Come on, then.

-Come on.

MUSIC: "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd