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In Sheffield, 12 families live together. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:10 | |
But these are no ordinary families. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
And this is no ordinary house. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
This is the only family rehab in the UK. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
This is about your recovery. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
This is about your children. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
More children than ever are being taken into care | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
because their parents are addicted to drugs or alcohol. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
CHILD CRIES | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
This place believes in giving them a second chance. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
My mum said, before she got into rehab, failure is not an option. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
Say bye. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
Unlike any other rehab, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
it helps mums and dads give up their addiction | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
while they care for their children. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:50 | |
My mum told me she would do whatever she could. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:54 | |
I want to get you back. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
Happy birthday, Mum. Thank you. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
Recovery will be tough. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:00 | |
I'm sorry! | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
But these parents know if they don't get clean, | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
they'll lose their children for good. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
This is not a bail hostel. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
You don't choose to stay in bed all day. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
Following six months of treatment, | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
this is the story of addicted families | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
facing the hardest challenge of their lives. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
Right now, your placement with your son hangs in the balance | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
over the next seven days. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
Trying to take my kid, mate. Over my dead body. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:30 | |
If somebody wants to play games, | 0:01:30 | 0:01:31 | |
go and play them somewhere else, | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
because the stakes are too high here. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
At Phoenix Futures Family Service, | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
parents and children stay in a therapeutic community, | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
confronting addiction together. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
It's not easy to break the cycle of addiction. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
The parents are often motivated by the fact | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
that they're here with the children. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
They're their inspiration for them to stay clean, | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
to make positive changes, cos ultimately | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
they don't want to risk losing their children. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
What we're offering is a chance to stay together as a family, | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
children to remain with parents. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
The alternatives are, unfortunately, that children will be removed... | 0:02:15 | 0:02:20 | |
Erm... | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
and put into foster care or adoption. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
When mums and dads come to us, the parenting's all over the place, | 0:02:25 | 0:02:30 | |
their emotions are all over the place, | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
and this is the place | 0:02:34 | 0:02:35 | |
they need to be in order to give them... | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
the best opportunity to change their lives. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
Been a bit of a nightmare journey, has it? Yeah. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Most parents seeking treatment at Phoenix are mothers, | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
and today there's a new arrival. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Tracie from Lancashire is a mother of eight. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
She's come with her youngest, a two-year-old boy. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Yeah, don't, just leave it there, Tracie. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
Honestly, don't worry about it. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
We'll all get it sorted. Let's get you in here first. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
What we need to do, as well, is sample you, OK? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
So obviously, we need to make sure | 0:03:09 | 0:03:10 | |
that you've got medication that you use | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
in order for us to be able to prescribe you. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
Do you? Yeah. OK. So, let's get your stuff sorted. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Come on, then. Here we go. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
Tracie's had seven other children removed from her care. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
Her current addiction is to powerful opiate-based painkillers. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
This is Tracie, Sian. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Nice to meet you. You too, love. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
Are you all right to take her for a cigarette? | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
You're going to be opposite Sian in the room, | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
so we thought it would be really nice, actually. Yeah. All right. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Brilliant. Thank you. Come this way. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
So, how old's your little lad? About three? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
No, he's just turned two. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Quite tall, isn't he? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
He were prem. Was he? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Yeah, they said he had Downs Syndrome all the way through. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
Right. And he didn't. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
That was good then. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
So what are you in for, if you don't mind me asking? | 0:03:57 | 0:04:01 | |
Just co-codamol, basically. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
I'm addicted to co-codamol. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:05 | |
Right. Well bad. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
That is the worst thing I've ever been addicted to. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
The worst thing ever. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:11 | |
It's bad. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
We're just searching our new admission's belongings. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
We're an abstinence-based service, so | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
we don't want anybody bringing any drugs or alcohol in, | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
which is not uncommon when somebody first comes into treatment, because | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
they find it difficult to let go. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
So, Tracie's telling us she's got nothing on her | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
that she shouldn't have, and so far we've not found anything. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
It's bad, so it's my last chance. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
I've got to prove I can do this. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
I've come in this side and then by the time you've finished, | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
you'll watch me come out a better person. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
A different person. You've caught me at the wrong time, | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
with no make-up on. SHE LAUGHS | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
Did you want me? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
My stomach is ripping. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Two of them? | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
Yeah. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:07 | |
The programme has three stages. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
The first is to detox and overcome the physical craving for drugs. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:14 | |
Tracie is given methadone, an opiate substitute. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
The dose will be gradually reduced until, after a month, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
she'll be substance-free. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:25 | |
Withdrawing is tough. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
Not everyone will make it to the next stage. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
Ripping pains right through my stomach. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Pains like I'm in slow labour. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
Pains that I've not had since giving birth. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:42 | |
There are many rules to adjust to in the house. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
While parents detox, they can only go out under strict supervision. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
Mobile phones are banned | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
and contact with the outside world is restricted. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:03 | |
Just hang on a second. BABY CRIES | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
Look, let's speak to Daddy. Ready? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Yeah. Oh! | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
When I've done here, I'll be totally dependent on nothing. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:16 | |
Well, I got my medication last night, my methadone. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
SHE SNIFFS | 0:06:19 | 0:06:20 | |
I'm just scared. I don't know. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
I'm just frightened and scared. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:26 | |
SHE SOBS | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Bye. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:31 | |
So... I have never been as bad as this now. Yeah. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
And that is quite common. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
This is the longest I've done without them. Yeah. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
Well, you know that the co-codamol is opiate-based? | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Yeah. Similar to heroin. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
But you're in safe hands. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:45 | |
You're not just being asked to stop everything, | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
cos that's not the right thing to do, | 0:06:48 | 0:06:49 | |
so we're going to be doing it controlled and slowly, | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
and with support. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
So, as scary as it is, just take one step at a time. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:58 | |
I will. OK? Yeah. | 0:06:58 | 0:06:59 | |
Yeah. Lots of fluids. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
Lots of food. Keep your energy levels up. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
She's got a long history of substance misuse. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
At 16 years old, | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
she says that she was introduced to drugs | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
by the father of her first child. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
It's the co-codamol that she's saying is the issue for her. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
She's taking in excess of about 20 tablets per day | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
and she's been doing that for about ten years. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
What? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Do this. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
Social Services became involved when Tracie was found overdosed, | 0:07:32 | 0:07:37 | |
accidentally, and she was in charge of her son at the time | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
and she was unresponsive. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
What they don't want to do this minute in time | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
is remove the baby from her care. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
However, you know, it's one of the things that might happen | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
if she doesn't make some changes. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
Want a strawberry. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:56 | |
An important part of living as a community | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
is learning from parents at a more advanced stage of treatment. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
Tracie shares a kitchen with Sian, who will be her mentor. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
Yeah, I'm coming now. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
You love peas, don't you? | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
I always give him a choice. SHE LAUGHS | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Good boy. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:17 | |
I took the amphetamine to help cope | 0:08:19 | 0:08:20 | |
with seven kids and cleaning the house... | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
TAP RUNS | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
..because I knew they'd be knocking on my door. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
But before that, I must admit, I was only ex... | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
PIECE OF CUTLERY DROPS | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
Sugar. 17 or 18 when I started it with Lee and Peter's dad | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
and Leelee was only a baby. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
And the first time I had it, I liked it, so I were like... | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
I did heroin. I loved the feeling it gave me. What's it like? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
You know when you have a drink of whisky when you're younger? | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
I don't like whisky. Well, you know when you've had shorts | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
when you were younger and it warms your inside? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
You can feel the warming sensation | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
coming from your tummy all the way up your neck. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Your face goes red-hot and everything, and then you're sick, | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
well, some people are, but not a horrible sick. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
And it's good? But, then when you're on one, you can do anything. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
Do you know what I mean? Like, when you've had a certain amount of gear, | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
you can get up, you can clean your house, you can do everything. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:07 | |
It's when you're rattling, you need it, | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
you can't even get up to make yourself a cup of tea. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
So, what does the crack do? Crack? I've often wondered this. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
It's a stimulant. It gets your heart beating faster. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
So why do people, like, take it? | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
Why? Because it's a balance. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
One minute, you're down, like, you're, like, smacked-up. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
The next minute you're up there. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Some people mix it together and inject it. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
I always wanted to know that. Right. I'm going. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
See you laters. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
Oh! Good, big mouth. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
That's nice. Clever. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
Yeah. You like your bath, don't you? | 0:09:41 | 0:09:42 | |
Sian, a mother of three, is here with her baby, Kayden. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
She's recovering from a 15-year addiction. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
I was 22 when I got into heroin. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Coming from a little village, you're not very, er, | 0:09:54 | 0:09:58 | |
wise to the world. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
I'd never even heard of heroin before. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
It took me three weeks to become addicted. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
At the time, all that I lived for was drugs. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
I'd get the kids up, | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
get them ready for school... | 0:10:14 | 0:10:15 | |
..leave the house at ten past eight to drop Nicole off | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
at secondary school | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
and then make my way to the dealer's, | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
and I'd break my neck to get there. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
All my focus was on getting to that flat before | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
anybody else got there. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
And come hell or high water, that's what I was going to do. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
I'd just get it and go home, erm... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
..and switch myself off from the world. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Right. Pick your toys up. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
Having detoxed and being substance-free, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
Sian's earned an authorised visit. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
First year clean in 15 years, so... | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
..it's quite something. | 0:10:58 | 0:10:59 | |
Look! Who's that? | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
Happy birthday, Mum! | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
Thank you. Give me a kiss. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Sian's daughters, 17-year-old Nicole and eight-year-old Ellie, | 0:11:05 | 0:11:09 | |
are being cared for by family while she's in rehab. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
Nicole was just two when Sian started using heroin. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
We hope you like your cake. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
We put "Happy Birthday" in the middle. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
And then we put all the candles. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
You're 40, aren't you? LAUGHTER | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
When she was using drugs, we was all in denial. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
Obviously, like, we didn't think she looked like a drug addict | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
because we was used to seeing her like that. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
But then, looking back at her progress from when she | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
first started rehab to now, what she looks like is a dramatic change. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:43 | |
Like, I've got a photo on my phone and all of her cheekbones | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
are standing out, her eyes are sunken into her head. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
She just looks poorly. She looks older than what she was. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
You're too young to play with that. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
I didn't give a shit if I looked a mess, if I stank of BO, | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
if I didn't do my hair. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
As long as I could get in my car, get money and go out and score... | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
..that's what I lived for. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
You said, "Will we ever see an end to this problem before we die?" | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
You know, and then you start thinking | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
about the children, what would their lives be? That's right. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:20 | |
The main gain, I think, I've got out from my mum's drug use | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
is not to take drugs, because I've seen what it's done to her life, | 0:12:24 | 0:12:29 | |
I've seen what it's done to her so-called friends' lives... | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
..so I know not to go down that path. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
If there's no end to this, I'm afraid we've got to finish | 0:12:36 | 0:12:40 | |
it ourselves, ain't we? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Cos you can't keep on going indefinitely like this forever | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
and ever and ever. No, because it's taken over. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:45 | |
That's right, because, I mean... | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
It has been a big part of our life, | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
that in some ways it's ruined it, hasn't it? | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
I was fortunate in the respect that because my mum lived | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
in the next street to me, this was before Kayden was born, | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
that I'd go and drop Ellie and Nicole off there most days, | 0:13:01 | 0:13:05 | |
say that I was going to the chemist or just nipping | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
off to the shop, and... | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
..I could go out for hours. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
My mum would be ringing my phone, | 0:13:13 | 0:13:14 | |
wanting to know where I was and I wouldn't answer it | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
because I didn't want it to spoil my buzz. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
And I became selfish. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
For a while, it was my mum that was more like a mum to my kids. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:28 | |
Erm... | 0:13:29 | 0:13:30 | |
I find that difficult to accept now. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
But I was quite a selfish person. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
No, you can't get down, can you, because you'll be dirty. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:43 | |
Come here. Mum's got to go in a minute. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
Come on. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
My mum said, quite a few times before she got into rehab, | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
"Failure is not an option," and she's stuck to that | 0:13:49 | 0:13:54 | |
and that's why I'm proud of her, because I don't think my mum | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
has really stuck to anything in her life before. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
You're not coming. SIAN LAUGHS | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
I love you. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:04 | |
Yeah? Have you enjoyed yourself, then? | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
Are you glad you came? | 0:14:08 | 0:14:09 | |
It costs around ?50,000 for a family to go through treatment - | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
a bill usually met by their local authority. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
Key workers are responsible for reporting back | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
to the social services. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:25 | |
You will have a key session with me every week. Yeah. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
What I've done this morning, I've started looking through your | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
placement contract, which you will have got a copy of. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
I haven't. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:37 | |
Well, you can have a copy... All I got was that thing through the post. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
Yeah, well, that'll be this, placement plan. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
I got one of them, but I won't even... I didn't even open it. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
I got one of them, but I won't even... I didn't even open it. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:47 | |
I do not open them letters. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:48 | |
OK. Social services letters, I will not open. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
You need to be aware of what's going on. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
This is a plan which involves social services, us, | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
you and your son. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
Erm, if you were to walk out... | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
I couldn't survive. ..you wouldn't be able to leave with your son. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
Are you aware of that? | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
Yeah. Yeah. But that means there's a lot of pressure on you as well. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:12 | |
I didn't know I'd end up with all this, social services. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
If I'd have known that, I would've kept the implant in. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
I don't regret him, but if I'd have known that | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
I wouldn't have got pregnant. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
And we'll leave it there, because I think you've done really well. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
Absolutely. Right, good for you. Sleep while you can, | 0:15:25 | 0:15:27 | |
while your son's asleep. Thank you. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
I would imagine people would not understand why people repeatedly go | 0:15:29 | 0:15:34 | |
on to have children when they've not looked after the first, the second, | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
the third, the fourth. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
But whatever has happened, she will, no doubt, | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
be carrying a lot of guilt and lots of issues about that. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
So, whilst she's focusing on her child, | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
that's great, but we'll need to go back and maybe unpick some of her | 0:15:49 | 0:15:53 | |
history and work through, sort of, that process of, you know, | 0:15:53 | 0:15:58 | |
from child one to child eight, what went wrong. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:02 | |
Why can't I be the mother to the rest of them children | 0:16:02 | 0:16:06 | |
the way I'm mothering the baby? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
Surely they're going to resent me for that. I would if it was my mum. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:13 | |
I'd be like, "You've dropped all of us here and you've still got one." | 0:16:13 | 0:16:18 | |
I'd be angry, I'd be mad. I'd be like... I wouldn't speak to her. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
But some of the kids are like, "It's fine, Mum." | 0:16:23 | 0:16:27 | |
Billy always says, when I say, "I'm sorry, I've been a bad mum." | 0:16:27 | 0:16:31 | |
"You were never a bad mum." | 0:16:31 | 0:16:32 | |
Tracie's other children are now aged between ten and 20. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
18-year-old Billy was at home with his mum and siblings | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
until he was six. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:43 | |
She'd drink at night. Weekends were worse, | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
where she'd go to a pub and we'd get dragged along with her. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
And then she'd stay behind and then she'd go somewhere else, | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
to her mate's party, and then she'd finally come home. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
So when they came stumbling in, it was just a case of, | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
"Right, what can we do to terrorise them?" | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
Get them out, quick as possible. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
It wasn't a bad place to live, it wasn't a bad family. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
Just too many children, | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
not enough parenting. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:15 | |
Billy was separated from his brothers and sisters | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
when they were taken into care. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
Just wish she was there at times. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
But she couldn't have been, so... | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
I think about 13, 14, I realised... | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
..she weren't going to be there for a while and I weren't going to be | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
with her until I was 18, until I was out of care. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
Are you going to hold these shoes? | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
She always said to me that my brother is not going to go anywhere. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
And I believe her in that, I don't think he is. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
Thank the Lord. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
One... | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
A new resident has arrived from London. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
Natalie has an 18-year addiction to heroin and crack cocaine. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:16 | |
Her dad Keith has brought her to rehab after social services | 0:18:17 | 0:18:21 | |
issued an ultimatum - get clean or risk losing your children. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
I managed to juggle my addiction and being a mum, | 0:18:25 | 0:18:30 | |
but now it's caught up with me. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:31 | |
Did you count all the beads, Anya? | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
It's become more of a struggle... | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
..emotionally, physically, mentally. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
Three, four, five, six! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Natalie will go through treatment with her daughters Madison, | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
aged three, and Anya, who's two. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
It doesn't mean to say that I've picked drugs over my children, | 0:18:50 | 0:18:54 | |
it just means that I've struggled to face all my demons. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:58 | |
For so long I've been controlled by either drugs | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
or within a violent relationship, | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
so I know to overcome drugs, I've got to overcome them. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
And I've been running away from them for years | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
and I've always had an excuse not to face them. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:16 | |
Because drugs is just easier. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:18 | |
Nat is ashamed of herself. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
She's ashamed of the situation she's in. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
Um... | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
She's ashamed to... | 0:19:26 | 0:19:27 | |
..be honest and straight with me, in the past. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
I believe she's spoken more to her mother. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
But then her mother... | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
..as mothers I believe do, protect their children more. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:43 | |
She started to take drugs when she was 13 years of age, | 0:19:44 | 0:19:48 | |
which spiralled into an addiction to heroin at the age of 18, | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
and crack cocaine. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
She'd been using more frequently than the local authority knew about, | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
so she was saying that she'd got a period of abstinence, | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
so she was sticking just to her prescription. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
Quite interestingly, it's been revealed that she'd been | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
using pretty much every day. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:05 | |
So it was a little bit touch-and-go whether the local authority | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
were going to pull the plug really, in terms of supporting her, | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
and just go into proceedings and remove the children. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
I'm sorry! | 0:20:15 | 0:20:16 | |
She was a manager at a children's nursery and she managed | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
to hold that down quite well, until it was discovered that she'd | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
got a heroin addiction. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:26 | |
So obviously that became problematic, so she lost her job. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
Come on, then, shall we go and say goodbye to Grandad? Bye, Grandad. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
Natalie won't be allowed the distraction of any visitors | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
until she's finished her month-long detox. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
Yeah, Mummy's putting the little light on, look. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
There we go. OK, so you've got the little light on. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
Right, lay down then. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
'You never give praise to an addict. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
'You'd always tell them that they're shit, they're scum, dirty, rotten, | 0:20:55 | 0:21:00 | |
'bad parents. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
'But just because we're addicts doesn't mean to say | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
'we have any different feelings or emotions than you do. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
'Sometimes you have to be at rock-bottom, | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
'or life gets so bad and awful that you can turn things around | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
'and reflect.' | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
Take you in nursery? Nursery. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
Nursery. Nursery. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:31 | |
The youngest children are looked after in the on-site nursery. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:35 | |
Thank you, bye-bye. Love you. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
Excuse me, see you soon. Have a nice morning. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
And now their parents can concentrate on their recovery | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
and the start of the second stage of treatment. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
They must attend daily group therapy sessions | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
that openly discuss their past as addicts. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
What I'd like you to do, and write on the back of this sheet of paper, | 0:21:52 | 0:21:57 | |
is to think back to a specific day where you were using heavily. | 0:21:57 | 0:22:01 | |
To look at how much substances, kind of, | 0:22:01 | 0:22:05 | |
were a priority in your life. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:06 | |
Between about half seven and nine in the morning, | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
I'd just be chilling on the sofa whilst the girls are | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
watching CBeebies... | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
and waiting for the dealer to come on again. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
Once the girls were at nursery, I'd probably be scoring all day, | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
maybe up to five, six times a day. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
At times, I become paranoid, | 0:22:26 | 0:22:27 | |
I started hallucinating and thinking things were crawling over me. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
Just cos I'd been smoking, honestly, nonstop. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:35 | |
I wouldn't eat and sleep for days. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
I'd be vomiting. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
But that's the thing that got me to the doctors, | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
cos I kept on passing out. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:46 | |
Right. So how do you feel looking at you today? | 0:22:46 | 0:22:50 | |
Shit. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:53 | |
Sorry. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:54 | |
Cos I love my kids. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
It's not trying to make them feel bad or anything, but ultimately, | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
they need to realise what they were doing | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
before coming in and why it's not OK. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:11 | |
Tell me, what's going on? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
Why are we being silly today? | 0:23:13 | 0:23:15 | |
Cos people might try and glorify it a bit and justify it a bit, | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
but actually you can't do that. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
You need to strip it back and really see it for what it was, | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
cos it's not glamorous at all. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
Please go play outside, darling, She's having time-out. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:29 | |
Parenting in itself is the hardest thing in the world, | 0:23:30 | 0:23:34 | |
so when somebody is distracted by substances, relationships, | 0:23:34 | 0:23:40 | |
other things going on, | 0:23:40 | 0:23:41 | |
the children don't get the emotional attention | 0:23:41 | 0:23:45 | |
and availability of parents, | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
and that is very often the hidden harm, I guess, | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
because that's what you can't see. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:52 | |
Darling, I'm not going to fight with you about the chair. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
You need to let it go. SHE CRIES | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
Natalie often went out | 0:23:59 | 0:24:03 | |
and left the children in the house alone, | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
for hours on end. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
Upon arrival, Natalie had quite a battle with the elder child | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
because she quite rightly, had assumed herself the boss. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:18 | |
Because, you know, on occasion, she had been the boss. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:22 | |
So obviously, when they came to the family service | 0:24:22 | 0:24:26 | |
and Mum suddenly became the boss, | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
she had several dirty protests, | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
such as pooing on the carpet, | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
pooing on the kitchen table, to stamp her authority. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:39 | |
Can I have a cuddle? | 0:24:39 | 0:24:40 | |
Thank you, because I really don't want to have to make you | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
sit on the chair again, OK? | 0:24:45 | 0:24:46 | |
Hello. See, I told you I wouldn't be long, didn't I? | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
If Natalie is to keep her kids, | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
she must conquer her addiction and prove she can give them the care | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
and stability they need. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
People will ask why you couldn't stop. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
You know, "You nearly lost your children." | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
Um... | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
I put myself, my family, my children at danger. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:13 | |
I was unable to provide. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
I put myself in risky situations, my children. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:19 | |
And I experienced violence, intimidation... | 0:25:23 | 0:25:26 | |
..and abuse. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
And I just couldn't do it no more. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
I was physically, emotionally, mentally tired. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:36 | |
INTERVIEWER: What might have happened had you carried on? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
I think I would be six foot under. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
Done, right. That's it, whisk it round gently. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Let me do it. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
Got to get all those lumps out, darling. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
Darling? Mine! You do that after. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
Are we going? Mummy's got a headache, hasn't she? | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
Are you going to John? Thanks. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
How are you doing? | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
Tracie is nearing the end of her detox. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
But she's finding the month-long withdrawal tough. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
Because I have to go and drink this crap, Methadone. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
Because I've never been on it and I've always known it to be | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
for heroin users and stuff. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
I've never touched heroin, why am I on this crap? | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
Put the bike back, good boy. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:22 | |
It makes me feel dirty. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:27 | |
Once the Methadone has finished and that detox potentially has ended, | 0:26:29 | 0:26:33 | |
that's often where people really sort of dip, | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
in terms of their wellbeing, especially emotionally, | 0:26:36 | 0:26:40 | |
and that's when they're at their most vulnerable | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
and we're at risk of losing them at that point. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
In prison we've got a snooker table, | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
we can eat in our room, we can have a fag, do whatever. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
Here, I'm missing the bars, Jess. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:50 | |
But this isn't prison, this is treatment. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
Treatment? It doesn't feel like it, it feels like being punished. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
This is... I know it is, but I stay. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:59 | |
It is. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:00 | |
This is what? | 0:27:02 | 0:27:03 | |
This is my last day, Jess. I know it is. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
And there is no stopping me. I will ring them social services. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
No, I can't do it. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
Yeah, taking my boy it's going to hurt me. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
For how long? | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
I'll get over it, I'll drink, I'll do something. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
I can't do this, Jess, it's worse than a prison. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
Where is the support here? There's no support, Jess. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
So you don't want to be here? | 0:27:31 | 0:27:33 | |
I'm going to go and get smashed out of my head and drink. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
OK. If you would normally turn to alcohol or drugs, | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
for comfort or to block the pain... Block the pain. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:44 | |
..or hide the fear or whatever, | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
it's natural that you're going to feel like you want to do that. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:51 | |
And that may be something that happens more than once, | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
it may be something that happens in the future. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
What you're here to do, is look at how you cope and manage with | 0:27:56 | 0:28:00 | |
those kind of situations. Yeah. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:03 | |
And a lot of that is done through the groups, your key sessions, | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
your life story work. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
Because beating yourself up continually, because of the guilt, | 0:28:09 | 0:28:13 | |
will do what to you? Because it's that painful. It's like, Tracie, | 0:28:13 | 0:28:17 | |
just give me... I don't know that it'll always go, or that it'll go | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
completely. It won't go completely. What it will do, | 0:28:20 | 0:28:23 | |
is you'll learn how to accept... To cope with it. Yeah. | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 | |
..that, you know, that is gone, | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
and that you can't go back and make those changes in the past. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
What you can do now is shape your future, | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
with all your kids, your relationships. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
She's just sad and she's just guilty about her eldest children and... | 0:28:40 | 0:28:45 | |
..she just needs to be able to share that and work through it. | 0:28:47 | 0:28:50 | |
Tracie's oldest child, Leelee, helped to raise her siblings | 0:28:52 | 0:28:56 | |
when Tracie was incapable. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
Leelee basically mothered my kids. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:00 | |
Being a mum at the age of eight, that's not nice. | 0:29:01 | 0:29:04 | |
It's not nice. So Leelee's had it hard. | 0:29:05 | 0:29:08 | |
I've never known a child to have it so hard like that. | 0:29:08 | 0:29:10 | |
Bring six kids up, but you're eight years old? | 0:29:10 | 0:29:12 | |
Wow! | 0:29:12 | 0:29:14 | |
Stay off school cos your mum can't cope. | 0:29:14 | 0:29:16 | |
"I'll pay you to stay off school, Leelee." | 0:29:16 | 0:29:18 | |
Cos I used to miss her going to school. | 0:29:18 | 0:29:20 | |
"I'll give you 20 quid, come on, let's go down town." | 0:29:20 | 0:29:24 | |
Mums don't do that. | 0:29:24 | 0:29:25 | |
Last one! | 0:29:32 | 0:29:33 | |
Natalie has successfully detoxed. | 0:29:35 | 0:29:37 | |
No, there's no more! | 0:29:37 | 0:29:39 | |
It's all gone! | 0:29:39 | 0:29:41 | |
Yeah. Yay! There you go. Thank you. You're welcome. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:44 | |
You've laid the first layer for Natalie, | 0:29:44 | 0:29:46 | |
she's got a lot of work to do. | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
No more medicines! | 0:29:48 | 0:29:50 | |
Her years of addiction have suddenly caught up with her | 0:29:51 | 0:29:54 | |
and it's all kind of overwhelming. | 0:29:54 | 0:29:57 | |
But Natalie has very little self-belief and a lot of issues. | 0:29:57 | 0:30:00 | |
Not just substance misuse issues, relationship issues, | 0:30:01 | 0:30:05 | |
emotional ill-health issues, all sorts of things | 0:30:05 | 0:30:08 | |
that she will have to continue working on. | 0:30:08 | 0:30:11 | |
Natalie's dad is visiting, | 0:30:13 | 0:30:16 | |
as she's confronting emotions that have come to the surface | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
now she's drug-free. | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
Of what you're writing down, your feelings, I'd like to know more. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:24 | |
I just don't want to hurt you, Dad. | 0:30:24 | 0:30:27 | |
That's... | 0:30:27 | 0:30:30 | |
That's something that I've got to cope with. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:32 | |
The thing is, I want to share your feelings...with me. | 0:30:32 | 0:30:37 | |
Yeah? | 0:30:37 | 0:30:39 | |
And that way I can understand you more and realise what the whole | 0:30:39 | 0:30:43 | |
situation has been about, yeah? | 0:30:43 | 0:30:45 | |
After you left, I was not taught... | 0:30:45 | 0:30:48 | |
You mean when we got divorced? Me and your mum, yeah. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:52 | |
Yeah, when you guys left, it was OK to drink, it was OK to do drugs. | 0:30:52 | 0:30:56 | |
Um...I know, because you came with me, didn't you? | 0:30:58 | 0:31:01 | |
No, no, when I went with Mum... Right. ..that's what I'm saying, | 0:31:01 | 0:31:04 | |
I was coming home drunk and she'd laugh. I was going in pissed, | 0:31:04 | 0:31:08 | |
drunk to school, she'd laugh. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:11 | |
You know, she had me rolling joints. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
You know, and to me it was OK. Yeah. | 0:31:13 | 0:31:16 | |
She was going out, | 0:31:16 | 0:31:17 | |
she was going through that party stage and so I thought, | 0:31:17 | 0:31:21 | |
"Well, the only thing to cope with all this, and all this and all that, | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
"is just to block it out." | 0:31:24 | 0:31:26 | |
Yeah. Because I couldn't find a way out. | 0:31:26 | 0:31:29 | |
People go through things, you know, and they have to cope with them. | 0:31:29 | 0:31:32 | |
They have to get themselves back together, so... | 0:31:32 | 0:31:35 | |
In my mind initially, one would say, | 0:31:37 | 0:31:39 | |
"Well, why can't you cope with things?" Yeah? | 0:31:39 | 0:31:42 | |
All I knew was my head was messed up. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:45 | |
You know, from a young age, I'd just...I was put on antidepressants | 0:31:45 | 0:31:49 | |
from...I was in my early 20s when | 0:31:49 | 0:31:51 | |
they started putting me on antidepressants. | 0:31:51 | 0:31:54 | |
You know, and... | 0:31:54 | 0:31:56 | |
Now, because I've even just wrote that out, I can kind of, | 0:31:56 | 0:32:01 | |
not let go of it, I know I still need to deal with it, | 0:32:01 | 0:32:04 | |
but it's these things that... that's what I'm here to do. | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
There's another Natalie with a troubled past who's seeking help to | 0:32:15 | 0:32:18 | |
keep her family together. | 0:32:18 | 0:32:20 | |
She sought refuge in drugs after | 0:32:21 | 0:32:24 | |
being sexually abused as a child, by her uncle. | 0:32:24 | 0:32:27 | |
I was a baby when abuse first started. | 0:32:27 | 0:32:31 | |
A real, small baby. You know? | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
And it went all the way up until I was a teenager. | 0:32:33 | 0:32:36 | |
It was more than one person that had abused me, not just my uncle, | 0:32:38 | 0:32:41 | |
but other people. | 0:32:41 | 0:32:43 | |
And I said something once, but they didn't believe me. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:46 | |
I was angry and I was sad, alone, I felt isolated. | 0:32:49 | 0:32:54 | |
It built up to a point where I needed a release, and when I took | 0:32:54 | 0:32:58 | |
drugs, I couldn't feel nothing. | 0:32:58 | 0:33:00 | |
I didn't think about what happened. | 0:33:00 | 0:33:02 | |
And the first time I ever took heroin, the feeling of oblivion, | 0:33:05 | 0:33:09 | |
it was a really good feeling. | 0:33:09 | 0:33:12 | |
Not feeling nothing. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:14 | |
The hatred and the loathing I had of myself was so intense that, | 0:33:16 | 0:33:22 | |
you know, I couldn't cope with that any more. | 0:33:22 | 0:33:26 | |
So taking heroin, and that going-into-space feeling, was... | 0:33:26 | 0:33:31 | |
it was amazing, at the time. | 0:33:31 | 0:33:33 | |
Natalie has two sons - | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
three-year-old Sunny and 14-year-old Jay. | 0:33:39 | 0:33:41 | |
Let's do it! | 0:33:41 | 0:33:44 | |
She wouldn't eat for say, two weeks, three weeks. | 0:33:44 | 0:33:46 | |
I knew that one day, like, | 0:33:46 | 0:33:49 | |
she isn't going to wake up, kind of thing. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:52 | |
And I thought, | 0:33:52 | 0:33:54 | |
"If she carries on the way she is, then it's going to be soon." | 0:33:54 | 0:33:58 | |
But I didn't want to just wake up one day and then, like, | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
the police would be standing at the door and they'd just be taking me | 0:34:01 | 0:34:05 | |
and Sunny away from my mum. It was...it was very scary. | 0:34:05 | 0:34:08 | |
It was sad as well. It was very sad. | 0:34:08 | 0:34:11 | |
I looked after Sunny a lot of the time, because she wasn't well, and | 0:34:14 | 0:34:18 | |
I would think, like, she would, like, forget that she's even with | 0:34:18 | 0:34:21 | |
Sunny and leave him in the park and stuff like that. | 0:34:21 | 0:34:24 | |
I didn't want anything bad happening to Sunny, or my family. | 0:34:25 | 0:34:29 | |
I know that she ain't going to go back to drugs because of our family. | 0:34:31 | 0:34:36 | |
We love her and she knows that, and she loves us. | 0:34:36 | 0:34:41 | |
So I reckon that | 0:34:41 | 0:34:43 | |
she wouldn't go back to it because of that reason. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:45 | |
She wouldn't want our family broke apart again for drugs. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:48 | |
Natalie A, as she's known in the house, has been in rehab with Sunny | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
for two months while Jay stays behind with his dad. | 0:34:58 | 0:35:03 | |
She volunteered to come here and got funding for a three-month course | 0:35:03 | 0:35:06 | |
through her drug counsellor. | 0:35:06 | 0:35:08 | |
But looking back at the experiences that led to her addiction is hard. | 0:35:08 | 0:35:12 | |
One of the things that we do ask, is have a look at certain events | 0:35:13 | 0:35:17 | |
that have taken place in their lives. | 0:35:17 | 0:35:20 | |
Some of that looks like sexual abuse, | 0:35:20 | 0:35:22 | |
it might be that their parents were substance misusers and they kind of | 0:35:22 | 0:35:26 | |
experience maybe domestic abuse. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:28 | |
They might be children themselves that have been in care. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:31 | |
They could have felt abandonment, you know, the fact that they didn't | 0:35:31 | 0:35:35 | |
have a sense of identity or belonging. | 0:35:35 | 0:35:37 | |
The link between trauma and substance misuse, | 0:35:37 | 0:35:40 | |
we can't ignore that actually, you know, it is a high factor. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:43 | |
You weren't to blame for what your uncle did to you. | 0:35:44 | 0:35:47 | |
And nobody can take that pain away from you, unfortunately, | 0:35:47 | 0:35:50 | |
we can't take it away. | 0:35:50 | 0:35:52 | |
But what we can do is help you to sort of work through. | 0:35:52 | 0:35:54 | |
So how old were you when all of this stopped? | 0:35:56 | 0:35:58 | |
15. OK. | 0:35:58 | 0:36:00 | |
So it stopped at 15? | 0:36:00 | 0:36:03 | |
When did you have your first relationship, then? | 0:36:03 | 0:36:05 | |
I was 13. Right, OK. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:07 | |
So nobody's ever been held to account for what they've done | 0:36:07 | 0:36:12 | |
to you, and does that make you feel angry as well? | 0:36:12 | 0:36:14 | |
To a certain extent, yeah, of course it does. Who are you angry at? | 0:36:15 | 0:36:19 | |
The people who done it, people that didn't protect me. | 0:36:19 | 0:36:22 | |
My mum, the police, you know? | 0:36:22 | 0:36:25 | |
Myself, because I wasn't strong enough to stop it. | 0:36:26 | 0:36:30 | |
Why do you think you're at fault, | 0:36:30 | 0:36:32 | |
why do you think you could have done anything about that? | 0:36:32 | 0:36:35 | |
I don't know... You were a child. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:39 | |
And adults are supposed to be there to look after you, to care for you, | 0:36:40 | 0:36:44 | |
to protect you, not to abuse you. | 0:36:44 | 0:36:46 | |
Are you going to allow what's happened in the past to destroy | 0:36:48 | 0:36:51 | |
your life? I can't, because anything that destroys mine, | 0:36:51 | 0:36:54 | |
it destroys Jay's and Sunny's, too. | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
It's making some sense of it all now and just working through. | 0:36:57 | 0:37:00 | |
How do you start to move on with your life? | 0:37:00 | 0:37:03 | |
So you'll get there in the end. Well done. | 0:37:05 | 0:37:07 | |
Thank you. Go and get some air. Thank you, Alison. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:10 | |
Speak to you later. Yeah. | 0:37:10 | 0:37:14 | |
PLAYFUL YELLING | 0:37:15 | 0:37:18 | |
Parents free of drugs for the first time in years must learn to resist | 0:37:18 | 0:37:22 | |
temptation. At first, they're only trusted to be out while supervised. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:26 | |
But Phoenix hope that experiencing the first taste of simple family | 0:37:27 | 0:37:31 | |
pleasures will speed their recovery. | 0:37:31 | 0:37:33 | |
A lot of them, they will never have done anything like this, because | 0:37:35 | 0:37:39 | |
they would've been very tied to the home and where they are, | 0:37:39 | 0:37:42 | |
because they'll need, you know, what they need. | 0:37:42 | 0:37:47 | |
So it's about getting them out and showing what you can do, really. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:51 | |
And, you know, people really genuinely enjoy it. | 0:37:51 | 0:37:53 | |
I want them to see that there's life beyond substances. | 0:37:55 | 0:37:59 | |
You know, using heroin day in, day out, | 0:37:59 | 0:38:02 | |
is really a horrible way to live. | 0:38:02 | 0:38:05 | |
Isolating, miserable. | 0:38:05 | 0:38:07 | |
I just want them to understand that | 0:38:07 | 0:38:09 | |
you don't have to live like that any more. | 0:38:09 | 0:38:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:38:11 | 0:38:14 | |
Being normal, it's exciting, it's ace. | 0:38:14 | 0:38:17 | |
I always thought I'd never be able to have a life like this. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:21 | |
But just watching, he's enjoying it. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
But, yeah, without medication, best life ever. | 0:38:25 | 0:38:29 | |
This way. This way. | 0:38:31 | 0:38:33 | |
Look. | 0:38:33 | 0:38:35 | |
This way, babe. Let's go and get some pennies. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:39 | |
Leaving the house without the staff is the next stage of trust. | 0:38:40 | 0:38:44 | |
Random drug tests are carried out in the house. | 0:38:46 | 0:38:48 | |
One reveals that Natalie A and another resident have used | 0:38:50 | 0:38:53 | |
crack cocaine and heroin while out unaccompanied. | 0:38:53 | 0:38:56 | |
I was at Tesco, and I see a man... | 0:38:58 | 0:39:03 | |
I just went up to him and said to him, "Can you get me anything?" | 0:39:03 | 0:39:06 | |
And it was literally an impulse that literally went through my brain, | 0:39:06 | 0:39:09 | |
like that. | 0:39:09 | 0:39:11 | |
And then I went up to a park up the road and done what I done. | 0:39:11 | 0:39:16 | |
They went off to use the public toilet, | 0:39:19 | 0:39:21 | |
and they took the kids with them, | 0:39:21 | 0:39:23 | |
and they shared care of the children while they were using the drugs. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:27 | |
Which is really sad for Sunny to be back in a situation where he's | 0:39:27 | 0:39:31 | |
exposed to that and, you know, | 0:39:31 | 0:39:33 | |
he's kind of seeing the emotion and the aftermath really, from Mum. | 0:39:33 | 0:39:36 | |
All I wanted to do was escape from everything. | 0:39:38 | 0:39:42 | |
From responsibility, from the whole programme, | 0:39:42 | 0:39:45 | |
from all the thoughts in my head, cos my head sometimes gets | 0:39:45 | 0:39:48 | |
really loud and then all the noise around me is just, | 0:39:48 | 0:39:52 | |
it's overwhelming and I can't take it sometimes. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:55 | |
And I just wanted everything to go quiet for a little bit. | 0:39:55 | 0:39:58 | |
Dinger Mouse! It's not Dinger Mouse, it's Danger Mouse. | 0:39:58 | 0:40:02 | |
When an addict in rehab lapses, | 0:40:02 | 0:40:04 | |
it's thought to jeopardise the recovery of everyone else. | 0:40:04 | 0:40:08 | |
Natalie must now face the group. | 0:40:08 | 0:40:10 | |
Because of the events that happened at the end of last week, concerning | 0:40:10 | 0:40:14 | |
Natalie, we can't just pretend it hasn't happened, | 0:40:14 | 0:40:18 | |
because it's like an elephant in the room, isn't it? | 0:40:18 | 0:40:21 | |
And personally, | 0:40:21 | 0:40:22 | |
I want to try and help you with that, and I would hope that the rest | 0:40:22 | 0:40:25 | |
of the community feel the same. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. | 0:40:25 | 0:40:29 | |
You know, a craving is really strong, especially if you see it | 0:40:29 | 0:40:32 | |
in front of you. But you still have the power of thought. | 0:40:32 | 0:40:35 | |
You were still at that point where you could've turned your back and | 0:40:35 | 0:40:38 | |
walked away. You're in recovery and lapses happen through recovery. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:41 | |
How can a load of addicts that live together not understand that? | 0:40:41 | 0:40:44 | |
That's what I don't... You seem quite angry, Nat. No... | 0:40:44 | 0:40:47 | |
Why are you angry? | 0:40:47 | 0:40:49 | |
I'm not angry. I just feel unsupported, for all of last week, | 0:40:49 | 0:40:53 | |
and then that happened on Friday and then certain people are judging us | 0:40:53 | 0:40:55 | |
on Friday night. I were disappointed in you. | 0:40:55 | 0:40:58 | |
I hold my hands up, yeah, I were. | 0:40:58 | 0:40:59 | |
I wasn't angry, I was disappointed in you, Natalie. | 0:40:59 | 0:41:01 | |
But you don't have the right to be disappointed in me. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:03 | |
What right do you have to be...? | 0:41:03 | 0:41:05 | |
Well, I were disappointed. But what right do you have? | 0:41:05 | 0:41:07 | |
Why has she got no right to be disappointed? Why? | 0:41:07 | 0:41:09 | |
Because she doesn't have the right to be disappointed in me. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:12 | |
I'm disappointed in me. | 0:41:12 | 0:41:13 | |
My kids have the right to be disappointed in me. | 0:41:13 | 0:41:15 | |
No-one else has the right to be disappointed in me. | 0:41:15 | 0:41:17 | |
No-one else has the right to expect anything from me. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:19 | |
No-one. OK. I felt disappointed. | 0:41:19 | 0:41:21 | |
Why? I did feel disappointed. No-one else has the right to feel | 0:41:21 | 0:41:24 | |
disappointed in me. It always... You know, I've been here a long | 0:41:24 | 0:41:27 | |
time, and it always makes me feel upset. | 0:41:27 | 0:41:29 | |
I'm already punishing myself enough. | 0:41:29 | 0:41:31 | |
My own 14-year-old son understood the whole situation. | 0:41:31 | 0:41:35 | |
He weren't angry. He wasn't disappointed. | 0:41:35 | 0:41:37 | |
He was like, "It's OK, Mum. It happens. You're in recovery." | 0:41:37 | 0:41:40 | |
How can a 14-year-old understand that and not one other person | 0:41:40 | 0:41:43 | |
that's living in this house, doing the same thing as me, | 0:41:43 | 0:41:46 | |
not understand that? How? | 0:41:46 | 0:41:48 | |
I'm not sure where Natalie comes from, really, | 0:41:50 | 0:41:52 | |
saying, "You've got no right to either be angry, | 0:41:52 | 0:41:56 | |
"disappointed or upset with me." | 0:41:56 | 0:41:58 | |
They have got every right to be angry and disappointed and upset, | 0:41:58 | 0:42:02 | |
and they do feel that. | 0:42:02 | 0:42:03 | |
Because she's used, | 0:42:05 | 0:42:07 | |
Natalie's told she'll have to leave the house in a week unless her | 0:42:07 | 0:42:11 | |
funders are persuaded she deserves a second chance. | 0:42:11 | 0:42:14 | |
I have written a letter of appeal, which I wrote today... | 0:42:15 | 0:42:19 | |
..and fingers crossed they choose to keep me in the service, | 0:42:20 | 0:42:24 | |
because if they don't, then I don't know where things will end up. | 0:42:24 | 0:42:28 | |
I'll probably end up back at square one, because it means going back to | 0:42:29 | 0:42:32 | |
London, going back to that flat. | 0:42:32 | 0:42:35 | |
You know, the same surroundings and that, | 0:42:35 | 0:42:38 | |
and the boys being removed from my care. | 0:42:38 | 0:42:42 | |
I wasn't angry with her. | 0:42:43 | 0:42:45 | |
I was more glad that she had told me that she had relapsed than her | 0:42:45 | 0:42:49 | |
keeping it to herself, cos then, | 0:42:49 | 0:42:52 | |
if she wouldn't have told me, I wouldn't have been there to tell her | 0:42:52 | 0:42:55 | |
that mistakes happen. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
She just needs to carry on going and just stay positive, and try her best | 0:42:57 | 0:43:02 | |
not to relapse again. | 0:43:02 | 0:43:04 | |
Before the week is up, | 0:43:11 | 0:43:13 | |
both Natalie's drug worker and the Phoenix management come to a | 0:43:13 | 0:43:17 | |
decision about whether she can stay on the programme. | 0:43:17 | 0:43:20 | |
Take a seat. | 0:43:21 | 0:43:23 | |
So, I wanted to obviously have a conversation with you, and it's | 0:43:23 | 0:43:28 | |
important, of course, that we get this kind of decision to you, rather | 0:43:28 | 0:43:33 | |
than leaving you waiting. So, based on what we think as a service, | 0:43:33 | 0:43:37 | |
we are prepared to keep you here and continue to work with you. | 0:43:37 | 0:43:41 | |
OK? Thank you. So, what that means for us is that we're going to be | 0:43:41 | 0:43:45 | |
very clear with you about expectations. I agree. | 0:43:45 | 0:43:47 | |
I'm really sorry for what I've done, and I know I made a big mistake. | 0:43:47 | 0:43:51 | |
I messed up all of the hard work that I've done, | 0:43:51 | 0:43:54 | |
but I promise you I will make it better. | 0:43:54 | 0:43:56 | |
I will fix it. OK. SHE SOBS | 0:43:56 | 0:43:59 | |
Thank you. OK. | 0:43:59 | 0:44:01 | |
And let's get back on track. This is so important to me. | 0:44:01 | 0:44:04 | |
Not just me, but to my boys as well, | 0:44:04 | 0:44:06 | |
and over the weekend, I've really punished myself on this. | 0:44:06 | 0:44:09 | |
I know what I done, and I will fix it and make it right. | 0:44:09 | 0:44:12 | |
It's very serious, isn't it, you know, in the sense of, for you, | 0:44:12 | 0:44:15 | |
the stakes are very high. | 0:44:15 | 0:44:18 | |
You know, and I guess it's just happened at a time when you're in a | 0:44:18 | 0:44:22 | |
supportive environment and we're able to support you and help you | 0:44:22 | 0:44:24 | |
through that. And there's a lot more work I think that we need to do with | 0:44:24 | 0:44:27 | |
you, Natalie. Yeah. But if it does happen again, then we will | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
be in a position of asking you to leave almost immediately. | 0:44:30 | 0:44:33 | |
Yeah, obviously. OK. I know. Thank you. All right. | 0:44:33 | 0:44:36 | |
Yeah, that feels... | 0:44:38 | 0:44:40 | |
That was overwhelming, because I don't believe a lot in myself, | 0:44:40 | 0:44:43 | |
so because I don't have a lot of belief in myself, | 0:44:43 | 0:44:45 | |
when someone's telling me that or saying to me that, | 0:44:45 | 0:44:48 | |
"We'll give you another chance because we believe | 0:44:48 | 0:44:50 | |
"that you can do this," | 0:44:50 | 0:44:51 | |
it's very overwhelming, very overwhelming. | 0:44:51 | 0:44:54 | |
How do you know when somebody's going to do well or not? | 0:44:55 | 0:44:59 | |
You don't. You can have somebody that's done really, | 0:44:59 | 0:45:02 | |
really well in their treatment | 0:45:02 | 0:45:05 | |
and is determined to change their life, and sustain those changes, | 0:45:05 | 0:45:09 | |
leave and go back to | 0:45:09 | 0:45:11 | |
their old habits, within hours and days of leaving. | 0:45:11 | 0:45:15 | |
The six months is just a dress rehearsal. | 0:45:15 | 0:45:16 | |
The hard work begins out in the community. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:19 | |
Sian is at the end of her treatment, and is braced | 0:45:22 | 0:45:25 | |
to return to her village. There she will face the temptation | 0:45:25 | 0:45:28 | |
of drugs being easily available. | 0:45:28 | 0:45:32 | |
The concerns that I have, um... | 0:45:32 | 0:45:35 | |
..are just people... | 0:45:37 | 0:45:41 | |
not respecting that I've been through rehab. | 0:45:41 | 0:45:43 | |
As long as they get what they need, | 0:45:43 | 0:45:45 | |
they're not bothered who they take down, | 0:45:45 | 0:45:47 | |
and I was like that once as well. | 0:45:47 | 0:45:50 | |
So the best thing I can do to give myself the best possible start is to | 0:45:50 | 0:45:53 | |
not...not put myself in a vulnerable situation. | 0:45:53 | 0:45:57 | |
The area that she grew up in, | 0:45:58 | 0:46:00 | |
and it's the area where she got her drugs in, | 0:46:00 | 0:46:02 | |
so she knows every location where to go and get her heroin from, | 0:46:02 | 0:46:06 | |
but I do believe that she won't do it. | 0:46:06 | 0:46:09 | |
Because quite a few of my mum's friends have had their kids | 0:46:09 | 0:46:13 | |
taken off them. | 0:46:13 | 0:46:14 | |
Sian will stay with her parents until she gets a place of her own. | 0:46:18 | 0:46:21 | |
That's you done. Don't cry. | 0:46:21 | 0:46:23 | |
She aims to stay clean | 0:46:24 | 0:46:27 | |
and hopes to live with all her children again soon. | 0:46:27 | 0:46:29 | |
Bye! Good luck! | 0:46:29 | 0:46:31 | |
As families move through the programme, and some successfully | 0:46:35 | 0:46:39 | |
leave with their children, | 0:46:39 | 0:46:41 | |
those left behind take on fresh responsibilities. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:44 | |
Right, come on, then. Let's do cleaning check. | 0:46:44 | 0:46:47 | |
One important job is to make sure everyone's cleaning properly. | 0:46:48 | 0:46:51 | |
Check the bin. All nice and clean. | 0:46:53 | 0:46:56 | |
Can you write on this one? Tick! | 0:46:56 | 0:46:58 | |
Tick! Tick! That's it. | 0:46:58 | 0:47:00 | |
Clever girl. | 0:47:00 | 0:47:02 | |
Anya, out the washing machine, please. | 0:47:02 | 0:47:06 | |
Natalie's new-found self discipline | 0:47:06 | 0:47:08 | |
has had a calming effect on the girls. | 0:47:08 | 0:47:12 | |
Come and stand over here. | 0:47:12 | 0:47:14 | |
I'm focused and determined. | 0:47:14 | 0:47:16 | |
I think about my routine, what needs to be done by certain times. | 0:47:17 | 0:47:21 | |
I follow that each and every day. | 0:47:21 | 0:47:24 | |
But the final stage of treatment for Natalie | 0:47:27 | 0:47:30 | |
will be her toughest task yet. | 0:47:30 | 0:47:32 | |
She must write an honest and revealing account of her life to | 0:47:32 | 0:47:36 | |
learn from past mistakes | 0:47:36 | 0:47:38 | |
and so avoid resorting to drugs when troubled. | 0:47:38 | 0:47:41 | |
It's just about letting go, letting go of shame, guilt, and moving | 0:47:41 | 0:47:47 | |
forward, leaving the past where it is and being able to accept the | 0:47:47 | 0:47:51 | |
decisions and bad situations you've been in. | 0:47:51 | 0:47:54 | |
"I'm unable to remember a lot of fond memories from my early | 0:47:57 | 0:48:01 | |
"childhood. There was domestic violence between Mum and Dad, | 0:48:01 | 0:48:04 | |
"which I often witnessed. | 0:48:04 | 0:48:06 | |
"It was very scary, especially as I was around five years old. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:10 | |
"At the age of seven, | 0:48:10 | 0:48:12 | |
"the violence got to a point where me and my mum and my brother went to | 0:48:12 | 0:48:16 | |
"stay at my Uncle John's for a few nights. | 0:48:16 | 0:48:19 | |
"It wasn't long after this when my mum and dad finally divorced. | 0:48:19 | 0:48:23 | |
"From age 13, I started dating an older guy. | 0:48:23 | 0:48:26 | |
"Seeing as he was five years older than me, I felt protected, | 0:48:26 | 0:48:29 | |
"loved and safe, but looking back on it now, | 0:48:29 | 0:48:31 | |
"I was just a child dating an adult. | 0:48:31 | 0:48:33 | |
"I was searching for security and love. | 0:48:33 | 0:48:35 | |
"I discovered drinking, tablets, shoplifting, | 0:48:37 | 0:48:40 | |
"ecstasy, and often went to school drunk, | 0:48:40 | 0:48:43 | |
"following a...swallowing a mouthful of pills. | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
"During the club scene, I soon started on cocaine, | 0:48:45 | 0:48:48 | |
"speed and poppers, and nonstop drinking. | 0:48:48 | 0:48:50 | |
"One Saturday night, me and my friends went out clubbing. | 0:48:52 | 0:48:56 | |
"That night I was...dragged into a flat by a man in his 30s, | 0:48:56 | 0:49:02 | |
"and raped for the entire evening until the morning. | 0:49:02 | 0:49:05 | |
"It finished when he threw me out with my ripped clothes, and told me | 0:49:07 | 0:49:10 | |
"to get out once he opened the door. | 0:49:10 | 0:49:12 | |
"Every...every day, | 0:49:15 | 0:49:16 | |
"I felt resentment towards my mum." SHE SOBS | 0:49:16 | 0:49:18 | |
"It took me six years to tell her about that night. | 0:49:18 | 0:49:21 | |
"Her response didn't surprise me, | 0:49:21 | 0:49:25 | |
"and began telling me that I probably deserved it." | 0:49:25 | 0:49:28 | |
Congratulations. | 0:49:33 | 0:49:34 | |
THE OTHERS APPLAUD | 0:49:34 | 0:49:37 | |
It's all part of relapse prevention, and without the knowledge | 0:49:38 | 0:49:44 | |
of triggers and cravings and how to cope without substances, | 0:49:44 | 0:49:49 | |
there is more likelihood that somebody's going to relapse, | 0:49:49 | 0:49:51 | |
and their life story, | 0:49:51 | 0:49:53 | |
there are lots of things held within somebody's life story that are going | 0:49:53 | 0:49:57 | |
to be triggers to them using. | 0:49:57 | 0:49:59 | |
The variety and range of emotions that somebody's going to feel when | 0:49:59 | 0:50:03 | |
they're writing that are enormous. | 0:50:03 | 0:50:07 | |
It easier just to pick up a drink and swallow a handful of pills than | 0:50:07 | 0:50:11 | |
what it is to deal with all these negative thoughts within your head. | 0:50:11 | 0:50:15 | |
You know, and I'm trying to understand my own addictions, | 0:50:15 | 0:50:19 | |
my own fears, anxieties, plus my own mental health. | 0:50:19 | 0:50:23 | |
I'm trying to understand that, | 0:50:23 | 0:50:25 | |
and some things are becoming clearer now, of how I couldn't manage that, | 0:50:25 | 0:50:29 | |
and what led me to addiction. | 0:50:29 | 0:50:30 | |
Oh, careful! Aah! | 0:50:33 | 0:50:37 | |
Yeah, you be a good boy for your mum, yeah? | 0:50:37 | 0:50:39 | |
Natalie A has decided she's got all she wants from rehab. | 0:50:39 | 0:50:43 | |
Oh, careful! Careful! | 0:50:43 | 0:50:46 | |
Despite recently succumbing to the temptation of drugs, | 0:50:46 | 0:50:49 | |
she plans to leave immediately with Sunny. | 0:50:49 | 0:50:52 | |
I'm ready for this. I need... I'm done here. | 0:50:52 | 0:50:55 | |
I don't even... But you only had a relapse the other week. | 0:50:55 | 0:50:58 | |
Hm? You only did that thing the other week. | 0:50:58 | 0:51:00 | |
I think I needed that lapse to make me realise that I know that I'm | 0:51:00 | 0:51:04 | |
strong enough to be without this. | 0:51:04 | 0:51:06 | |
I done that and I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life, | 0:51:06 | 0:51:08 | |
and I'm not going to make that mistake again. | 0:51:08 | 0:51:10 | |
I've got way too much to lose. | 0:51:10 | 0:51:11 | |
Well, you've got your head screwed on, haven't you? | 0:51:11 | 0:51:13 | |
I'm not going to lie. I'm scared. | 0:51:13 | 0:51:14 | |
Of course I am. I'm nervous. | 0:51:14 | 0:51:16 | |
But I'm ready for the next challenge. | 0:51:16 | 0:51:18 | |
I'm not sure she's fully thought that through. | 0:51:18 | 0:51:21 | |
I will talk to her about it, | 0:51:21 | 0:51:22 | |
but the way I see it at the moment is that she's completely made up her | 0:51:22 | 0:51:25 | |
mind that this is her decision. She wants to leave. | 0:51:25 | 0:51:28 | |
That's why I think it's important we can sit down and discuss the pros | 0:51:29 | 0:51:33 | |
and cons, and the impact on Sunny, | 0:51:33 | 0:51:35 | |
as well, which we have to take into account. | 0:51:35 | 0:51:37 | |
Hello. Mm-hmm. | 0:51:37 | 0:51:40 | |
Natalie's drug worker, | 0:51:40 | 0:51:41 | |
who supported her reprieve and provided funding for | 0:51:41 | 0:51:44 | |
three more months, is alarmed to hear of her decision. | 0:51:44 | 0:51:47 | |
I have got my head in, still, in the right space. | 0:51:47 | 0:51:49 | |
I'm not thinking about going out and using. | 0:51:49 | 0:51:52 | |
You can't just bring up concerns cos I've said I'm going to leave. | 0:51:52 | 0:51:55 | |
It doesn't matter, because no-one can just take Sunny from me. | 0:51:55 | 0:51:58 | |
You can't just come and take him unless there's a real concern that | 0:51:58 | 0:52:01 | |
I'm going to hurt him, that I'm putting him in an unsafe | 0:52:01 | 0:52:03 | |
environment, that I'm using. | 0:52:03 | 0:52:04 | |
I'm not. | 0:52:04 | 0:52:06 | |
Ugh... | 0:52:06 | 0:52:08 | |
Cherie, it doesn't matter what you say. | 0:52:08 | 0:52:10 | |
I'm going. End of. | 0:52:10 | 0:52:12 | |
Where's Sunny? | 0:52:14 | 0:52:15 | |
How do you feel? Where are we going to live? | 0:52:18 | 0:52:20 | |
We'll find a new home. | 0:52:20 | 0:52:22 | |
Look at me. You're going to go to a new school, yeah? | 0:52:22 | 0:52:26 | |
Are you excited? No. No? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:29 | |
You're not excited? | 0:52:29 | 0:52:30 | |
But you know that it doesn't matter where we are, | 0:52:30 | 0:52:33 | |
it's always going to be me and you and JJ, | 0:52:33 | 0:52:36 | |
cos we're a family, aren't we? | 0:52:36 | 0:52:37 | |
We'll have lots of fun, yeah? | 0:52:37 | 0:52:39 | |
Start a new life. | 0:52:39 | 0:52:41 | |
Me, you and your brother. | 0:52:41 | 0:52:44 | |
Love you. | 0:52:44 | 0:52:46 | |
OK? | 0:52:46 | 0:52:47 | |
She's very firm in saying she's going to continue in her recovery, | 0:52:49 | 0:52:53 | |
and she doesn't want to use, and she wants the best for Sunny. | 0:52:53 | 0:52:57 | |
Given the incident that happened, what, two weeks ago? | 0:52:57 | 0:53:00 | |
It does cause concern, yeah. | 0:53:00 | 0:53:02 | |
It's pretty worrying, with Natalie. | 0:53:04 | 0:53:06 | |
Staff have no power to keep Natalie in rehab. | 0:53:07 | 0:53:10 | |
And social services don't consider the risk to her children great | 0:53:11 | 0:53:14 | |
enough to seek protection of them through the court. | 0:53:14 | 0:53:16 | |
Natalie and Sunny can leave unchallenged. | 0:53:18 | 0:53:21 | |
I can't say forever that I'm going to be clean - no addict can. | 0:53:27 | 0:53:30 | |
At the moment, I'm happy being clean and I want to do well. | 0:53:32 | 0:53:36 | |
Like, on my estate, there was a lot of addicts, | 0:53:36 | 0:53:39 | |
there was a lot of drug dealers. | 0:53:39 | 0:53:41 | |
I feel scared about my sons living around somewhere like this, | 0:53:41 | 0:53:45 | |
because of... | 0:53:45 | 0:53:47 | |
..what they can get themselves into, but also I hope that my sons will be | 0:53:47 | 0:53:53 | |
stronger than I was and that... | 0:53:53 | 0:53:54 | |
..through what I've been through and what they've seen me go through, | 0:53:56 | 0:53:59 | |
hopefully, that they will take a different path, | 0:53:59 | 0:54:03 | |
you know? | 0:54:03 | 0:54:04 | |
Come on, then. Yes, yes! Freedom! Go on, then, out we go. | 0:54:07 | 0:54:11 | |
Today, we're going to pack our suitcases. | 0:54:11 | 0:54:14 | |
What might we need in a new house? | 0:54:14 | 0:54:16 | |
Some toothpaste? | 0:54:16 | 0:54:18 | |
Today is about introducing the concept of moving from here to their | 0:54:18 | 0:54:25 | |
new family home. | 0:54:25 | 0:54:27 | |
It may be difficult to understand the concept that home, to a child, | 0:54:27 | 0:54:30 | |
may not necessarily be something that is a positive thing. | 0:54:30 | 0:54:34 | |
Hopefully, new house, new environment, new start, | 0:54:34 | 0:54:38 | |
will give a little bit of confidence that it's not going to be the same | 0:54:38 | 0:54:42 | |
as previously, because it'll be a different setting. | 0:54:42 | 0:54:45 | |
And that's the best we can hope for, really. | 0:54:46 | 0:54:49 | |
Right, is this your case? Come on, then. | 0:54:53 | 0:54:55 | |
Yeah, we're leaving it here for...ready to pack up. | 0:54:55 | 0:54:58 | |
I've seen a massive development in her confidence. | 0:54:58 | 0:55:01 | |
When she initially come to us, Natalie, you know, she was quite | 0:55:01 | 0:55:05 | |
quiet, a little bit subdued, and | 0:55:05 | 0:55:07 | |
quite uncertain in terms of her relationships. | 0:55:07 | 0:55:10 | |
However, as she's moved through the programme, | 0:55:10 | 0:55:12 | |
we've really seen her developing confidence and really blossom to the | 0:55:12 | 0:55:16 | |
point where she's leaving us now, ready to go back into the community, | 0:55:16 | 0:55:20 | |
she's got the children with her, you know, | 0:55:20 | 0:55:22 | |
and the changes that she's made have just been marvellous. | 0:55:22 | 0:55:26 | |
It's a very special and important day for you, | 0:55:26 | 0:55:28 | |
so let's not fill it full of stresses and stuff. | 0:55:28 | 0:55:32 | |
And what else do we need? Oh, it doesn't fit in my case! | 0:55:32 | 0:55:36 | |
There's lots of anxieties when somebody's leaving us, | 0:55:36 | 0:55:38 | |
and lots of mixed emotions, as you can imagine. | 0:55:38 | 0:55:41 | |
You know, there's quite a bit of fear, I suppose, about the unknown | 0:55:41 | 0:55:44 | |
and the future, mixed with the fact that they're leaving somewhere | 0:55:44 | 0:55:47 | |
really stable, with people that they're familiar with, | 0:55:47 | 0:55:50 | |
with lots of support. | 0:55:50 | 0:55:51 | |
There's a massive amount at stake for people, you know, | 0:55:51 | 0:55:54 | |
if they get it wrong. | 0:55:54 | 0:55:56 | |
Natalie and the girls are starting a new life as a family | 0:55:56 | 0:55:59 | |
on the Kent coast. | 0:55:59 | 0:56:00 | |
Bounce! That's your pillow! | 0:56:00 | 0:56:03 | |
It's been really busy, moving | 0:56:03 | 0:56:06 | |
and packing, cleaning, | 0:56:06 | 0:56:08 | |
settling the girls. | 0:56:08 | 0:56:10 | |
GARGLING | 0:56:11 | 0:56:14 | |
Again. | 0:56:14 | 0:56:15 | |
I was actually sitting here last night, | 0:56:15 | 0:56:17 | |
and I was thinking, it's been a long while that I haven't had to wake up | 0:56:17 | 0:56:21 | |
and think that I had to score in the morning. | 0:56:21 | 0:56:24 | |
And I don't feel vulnerable any more. | 0:56:26 | 0:56:28 | |
I know I mustn't be complacent with that. | 0:56:28 | 0:56:30 | |
I know I've got to avoid the risky situations, | 0:56:30 | 0:56:33 | |
but now I can notice them more. | 0:56:33 | 0:56:34 | |
Ooh, give me a kiss and a cuddle. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mwah! | 0:56:36 | 0:56:40 | |
I've got confidence in myself, | 0:56:40 | 0:56:42 | |
self-esteem and self-belief. | 0:56:42 | 0:56:44 | |
You know, I feel strong, I don't feel weak and vulnerable and... | 0:56:45 | 0:56:49 | |
you know, need to have crazy people in my life, basically. | 0:56:50 | 0:56:55 | |
Mum, sit on my bed. | 0:56:55 | 0:56:57 | |
Lay down, then. | 0:56:57 | 0:56:59 | |
Given the right environment and given the right support, | 0:57:01 | 0:57:03 | |
anybody could change. | 0:57:03 | 0:57:06 | |
If families don't come here, | 0:57:06 | 0:57:08 | |
keeping them in the system can cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. | 0:57:08 | 0:57:12 | |
The cost of keeping children in local authority care, | 0:57:12 | 0:57:16 | |
the cost in terms of being in prison, the cost to the NHS - | 0:57:16 | 0:57:20 | |
it's endless. | 0:57:20 | 0:57:22 | |
More than three quarters of the parents who come here complete the | 0:57:24 | 0:57:27 | |
programme and leave for a new future with their children. | 0:57:27 | 0:57:30 | |
You'd better take care of Junior. You too. | 0:57:30 | 0:57:32 | |
It's Tracie's time to go home with her son. | 0:57:32 | 0:57:34 | |
We're going home! | 0:57:36 | 0:57:38 | |
I see people having to face their past, substance-free. | 0:57:38 | 0:57:44 | |
And we see some amazing changes with | 0:57:44 | 0:57:47 | |
our families whilst they're here with us. | 0:57:47 | 0:57:50 | |
And they leave with the real hope that they can keep themselves | 0:57:50 | 0:57:53 | |
drug-free, safe and well, and also their children the same. | 0:57:53 | 0:57:57 | |
Bye, guys! Thank you, everyone! | 0:58:00 | 0:58:02 | |
HORN HONKS | 0:58:02 | 0:58:05 | |
Discover more about social work and supporting vulnerable families. | 0:58:19 | 0:58:22 | |
Visit... | 0:58:22 | 0:58:26 | |
..and follow the links to the Open University. | 0:58:27 | 0:58:31 |