Mums Addicted Parents: Last Chance to Keep My Children


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Transcript


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In Sheffield, 12 families live together.

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This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

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But these are no ordinary families.

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LAUGHTER

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And this is no ordinary house.

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This is the only family rehab in the UK.

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This is about your recovery.

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This is about your children.

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More children than ever are being taken into care

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because their parents are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

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CHILD CRIES

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This place believes in giving them a second chance.

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My mum said, before she got into rehab, failure is not an option.

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Say bye.

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Unlike any other rehab,

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it helps mums and dads give up their addiction

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while they care for their children.

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My mum told me she would do whatever she could.

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I want to get you back.

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Happy birthday, Mum. Thank you.

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Recovery will be tough.

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I'm sorry!

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But these parents know if they don't get clean,

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they'll lose their children for good.

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This is not a bail hostel.

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You don't choose to stay in bed all day.

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Following six months of treatment,

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this is the story of addicted families

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facing the hardest challenge of their lives.

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Right now, your placement with your son hangs in the balance

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over the next seven days.

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Trying to take my kid, mate. Over my dead body.

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If somebody wants to play games,

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go and play them somewhere else,

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because the stakes are too high here.

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At Phoenix Futures Family Service,

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parents and children stay in a therapeutic community,

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confronting addiction together.

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It's not easy to break the cycle of addiction.

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The parents are often motivated by the fact

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that they're here with the children.

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They're their inspiration for them to stay clean,

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to make positive changes, cos ultimately

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they don't want to risk losing their children.

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What we're offering is a chance to stay together as a family,

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children to remain with parents.

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The alternatives are, unfortunately, that children will be removed...

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Erm...

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and put into foster care or adoption.

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When mums and dads come to us, the parenting's all over the place,

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their emotions are all over the place,

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and this is the place

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they need to be in order to give them...

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the best opportunity to change their lives.

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Been a bit of a nightmare journey, has it? Yeah.

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Most parents seeking treatment at Phoenix are mothers,

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and today there's a new arrival.

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Tracie from Lancashire is a mother of eight.

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She's come with her youngest, a two-year-old boy.

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Yeah, don't, just leave it there, Tracie.

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Honestly, don't worry about it.

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We'll all get it sorted. Let's get you in here first.

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What we need to do, as well, is sample you, OK?

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So obviously, we need to make sure

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that you've got medication that you use

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in order for us to be able to prescribe you.

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Do you? Yeah. OK. So, let's get your stuff sorted.

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Come on, then. Here we go.

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Tracie's had seven other children removed from her care.

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Her current addiction is to powerful opiate-based painkillers.

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This is Tracie, Sian.

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Nice to meet you. You too, love.

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Are you all right to take her for a cigarette?

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You're going to be opposite Sian in the room,

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so we thought it would be really nice, actually. Yeah. All right.

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Brilliant. Thank you. Come this way.

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So, how old's your little lad? About three?

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No, he's just turned two.

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Quite tall, isn't he?

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He were prem. Was he?

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Yeah, they said he had Downs Syndrome all the way through.

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Right. And he didn't.

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That was good then.

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So what are you in for, if you don't mind me asking?

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Just co-codamol, basically.

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I'm addicted to co-codamol.

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Right. Well bad.

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That is the worst thing I've ever been addicted to.

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The worst thing ever.

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It's bad.

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We're just searching our new admission's belongings.

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We're an abstinence-based service, so

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we don't want anybody bringing any drugs or alcohol in,

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which is not uncommon when somebody first comes into treatment, because

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they find it difficult to let go.

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So, Tracie's telling us she's got nothing on her

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that she shouldn't have, and so far we've not found anything.

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It's bad, so it's my last chance.

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I've got to prove I can do this.

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I've come in this side and then by the time you've finished,

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you'll watch me come out a better person.

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A different person. You've caught me at the wrong time,

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with no make-up on. SHE LAUGHS

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Did you want me?

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My stomach is ripping.

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Two of them?

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Yeah.

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The programme has three stages.

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The first is to detox and overcome the physical craving for drugs.

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Tracie is given methadone, an opiate substitute.

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The dose will be gradually reduced until, after a month,

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she'll be substance-free.

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Withdrawing is tough.

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Not everyone will make it to the next stage.

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Ripping pains right through my stomach.

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Pains like I'm in slow labour.

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Pains that I've not had since giving birth.

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There are many rules to adjust to in the house.

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While parents detox, they can only go out under strict supervision.

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Mobile phones are banned

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and contact with the outside world is restricted.

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Just hang on a second. BABY CRIES

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Look, let's speak to Daddy. Ready?

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BABY CRIES

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Yeah. Oh!

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When I've done here, I'll be totally dependent on nothing.

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Well, I got my medication last night, my methadone.

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SHE SNIFFS

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I'm just scared. I don't know.

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I'm just frightened and scared.

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SHE SOBS

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Bye.

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So... I have never been as bad as this now. Yeah.

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And that is quite common.

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This is the longest I've done without them. Yeah.

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Well, you know that the co-codamol is opiate-based?

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Yeah. Similar to heroin.

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But you're in safe hands.

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You're not just being asked to stop everything,

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cos that's not the right thing to do,

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so we're going to be doing it controlled and slowly,

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and with support.

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So, as scary as it is, just take one step at a time.

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I will. OK? Yeah.

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Yeah. Lots of fluids.

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Lots of food. Keep your energy levels up.

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She's got a long history of substance misuse.

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At 16 years old,

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she says that she was introduced to drugs

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by the father of her first child.

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It's the co-codamol that she's saying is the issue for her.

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She's taking in excess of about 20 tablets per day

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and she's been doing that for about ten years.

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What?

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Do this.

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Social Services became involved when Tracie was found overdosed,

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accidentally, and she was in charge of her son at the time

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and she was unresponsive.

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What they don't want to do this minute in time

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is remove the baby from her care.

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However, you know, it's one of the things that might happen

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if she doesn't make some changes.

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Want a strawberry.

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An important part of living as a community

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is learning from parents at a more advanced stage of treatment.

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Tracie shares a kitchen with Sian, who will be her mentor.

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Yeah, I'm coming now.

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You love peas, don't you?

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I always give him a choice. SHE LAUGHS

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Good boy.

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I took the amphetamine to help cope

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with seven kids and cleaning the house...

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TAP RUNS

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..because I knew they'd be knocking on my door.

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But before that, I must admit, I was only ex...

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PIECE OF CUTLERY DROPS

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Sugar. 17 or 18 when I started it with Lee and Peter's dad

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and Leelee was only a baby.

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And the first time I had it, I liked it, so I were like...

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I did heroin. I loved the feeling it gave me. What's it like?

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You know when you have a drink of whisky when you're younger?

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I don't like whisky. Well, you know when you've had shorts

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when you were younger and it warms your inside?

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You can feel the warming sensation

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coming from your tummy all the way up your neck.

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Your face goes red-hot and everything, and then you're sick,

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well, some people are, but not a horrible sick.

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And it's good? But, then when you're on one, you can do anything.

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Do you know what I mean? Like, when you've had a certain amount of gear,

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you can get up, you can clean your house, you can do everything.

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It's when you're rattling, you need it,

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you can't even get up to make yourself a cup of tea.

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So, what does the crack do? Crack? I've often wondered this.

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It's a stimulant. It gets your heart beating faster.

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So why do people, like, take it?

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Why? Because it's a balance.

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One minute, you're down, like, you're, like, smacked-up.

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The next minute you're up there.

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Some people mix it together and inject it.

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I always wanted to know that. Right. I'm going.

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See you laters.

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Oh! Good, big mouth.

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That's nice. Clever.

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BABY CRIES

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Yeah. You like your bath, don't you?

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Sian, a mother of three, is here with her baby, Kayden.

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She's recovering from a 15-year addiction.

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I was 22 when I got into heroin.

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Coming from a little village, you're not very, er,

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wise to the world.

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I'd never even heard of heroin before.

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It took me three weeks to become addicted.

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At the time, all that I lived for was drugs.

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I'd get the kids up,

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get them ready for school...

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..leave the house at ten past eight to drop Nicole off

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at secondary school

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and then make my way to the dealer's,

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and I'd break my neck to get there.

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All my focus was on getting to that flat before

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anybody else got there.

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And come hell or high water, that's what I was going to do.

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I'd just get it and go home, erm...

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..and switch myself off from the world.

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Right. Pick your toys up.

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Having detoxed and being substance-free,

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Sian's earned an authorised visit.

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First year clean in 15 years, so...

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..it's quite something.

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Look! Who's that?

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Happy birthday, Mum!

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Thank you. Give me a kiss.

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Sian's daughters, 17-year-old Nicole and eight-year-old Ellie,

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are being cared for by family while she's in rehab.

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Nicole was just two when Sian started using heroin.

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We hope you like your cake.

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We put "Happy Birthday" in the middle.

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And then we put all the candles.

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You're 40, aren't you? LAUGHTER

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When she was using drugs, we was all in denial.

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Obviously, like, we didn't think she looked like a drug addict

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because we was used to seeing her like that.

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But then, looking back at her progress from when she

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first started rehab to now, what she looks like is a dramatic change.

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Like, I've got a photo on my phone and all of her cheekbones

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are standing out, her eyes are sunken into her head.

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She just looks poorly. She looks older than what she was.

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You're too young to play with that.

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I didn't give a shit if I looked a mess, if I stank of BO,

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if I didn't do my hair.

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As long as I could get in my car, get money and go out and score...

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..that's what I lived for.

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You said, "Will we ever see an end to this problem before we die?"

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You know, and then you start thinking

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about the children, what would their lives be? That's right.

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The main gain, I think, I've got out from my mum's drug use

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is not to take drugs, because I've seen what it's done to her life,

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I've seen what it's done to her so-called friends' lives...

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..so I know not to go down that path.

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If there's no end to this, I'm afraid we've got to finish

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it ourselves, ain't we?

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Cos you can't keep on going indefinitely like this forever

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and ever and ever. No, because it's taken over.

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That's right, because, I mean...

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It has been a big part of our life,

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that in some ways it's ruined it, hasn't it?

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I was fortunate in the respect that because my mum lived

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in the next street to me, this was before Kayden was born,

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that I'd go and drop Ellie and Nicole off there most days,

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say that I was going to the chemist or just nipping

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off to the shop, and...

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..I could go out for hours.

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My mum would be ringing my phone,

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wanting to know where I was and I wouldn't answer it

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because I didn't want it to spoil my buzz.

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And I became selfish.

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For a while, it was my mum that was more like a mum to my kids.

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Erm...

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I find that difficult to accept now.

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But I was quite a selfish person.

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No, you can't get down, can you, because you'll be dirty.

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Come here. Mum's got to go in a minute.

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Come on.

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My mum said, quite a few times before she got into rehab,

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"Failure is not an option," and she's stuck to that

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and that's why I'm proud of her, because I don't think my mum

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has really stuck to anything in her life before.

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You're not coming. SIAN LAUGHS

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I love you.

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Yeah? Have you enjoyed yourself, then?

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Are you glad you came?

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It costs around ?50,000 for a family to go through treatment -

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a bill usually met by their local authority.

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Key workers are responsible for reporting back

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to the social services.

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You will have a key session with me every week. Yeah.

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What I've done this morning, I've started looking through your

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placement contract, which you will have got a copy of.

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I haven't.

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Well, you can have a copy... All I got was that thing through the post.

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Yeah, well, that'll be this, placement plan.

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I got one of them, but I won't even... I didn't even open it.

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I got one of them, but I won't even... I didn't even open it.

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I do not open them letters.

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OK. Social services letters, I will not open.

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You need to be aware of what's going on.

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This is a plan which involves social services, us,

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you and your son.

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Erm, if you were to walk out...

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I couldn't survive. ..you wouldn't be able to leave with your son.

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Are you aware of that?

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Yeah. Yeah. But that means there's a lot of pressure on you as well.

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I didn't know I'd end up with all this, social services.

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If I'd have known that, I would've kept the implant in.

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I don't regret him, but if I'd have known that

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I wouldn't have got pregnant.

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And we'll leave it there, because I think you've done really well.

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Absolutely. Right, good for you. Sleep while you can,

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while your son's asleep. Thank you.

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I would imagine people would not understand why people repeatedly go

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on to have children when they've not looked after the first, the second,

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the third, the fourth.

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But whatever has happened, she will, no doubt,

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be carrying a lot of guilt and lots of issues about that.

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So, whilst she's focusing on her child,

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that's great, but we'll need to go back and maybe unpick some of her

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history and work through, sort of, that process of, you know,

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from child one to child eight, what went wrong.

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Why can't I be the mother to the rest of them children

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the way I'm mothering the baby?

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Surely they're going to resent me for that. I would if it was my mum.

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I'd be like, "You've dropped all of us here and you've still got one."

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I'd be angry, I'd be mad. I'd be like... I wouldn't speak to her.

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But some of the kids are like, "It's fine, Mum."

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Billy always says, when I say, "I'm sorry, I've been a bad mum."

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"You were never a bad mum."

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Tracie's other children are now aged between ten and 20.

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18-year-old Billy was at home with his mum and siblings

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until he was six.

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She'd drink at night. Weekends were worse,

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where she'd go to a pub and we'd get dragged along with her.

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And then she'd stay behind and then she'd go somewhere else,

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to her mate's party, and then she'd finally come home.

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So when they came stumbling in, it was just a case of,

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"Right, what can we do to terrorise them?"

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Get them out, quick as possible.

0:17:020:17:04

It wasn't a bad place to live, it wasn't a bad family.

0:17:050:17:08

Just too many children,

0:17:110:17:14

not enough parenting.

0:17:140:17:15

Billy was separated from his brothers and sisters

0:17:180:17:20

when they were taken into care.

0:17:200:17:23

Just wish she was there at times.

0:17:230:17:25

But she couldn't have been, so...

0:17:270:17:28

I think about 13, 14, I realised...

0:17:300:17:32

..she weren't going to be there for a while and I weren't going to be

0:17:350:17:38

with her until I was 18, until I was out of care.

0:17:380:17:41

Are you going to hold these shoes?

0:17:420:17:45

She always said to me that my brother is not going to go anywhere.

0:17:480:17:51

And I believe her in that, I don't think he is.

0:17:510:17:54

Thank the Lord.

0:17:540:17:55

One...

0:18:060:18:07

A new resident has arrived from London.

0:18:080:18:10

Natalie has an 18-year addiction to heroin and crack cocaine.

0:18:120:18:16

Her dad Keith has brought her to rehab after social services

0:18:170:18:21

issued an ultimatum - get clean or risk losing your children.

0:18:210:18:25

I managed to juggle my addiction and being a mum,

0:18:250:18:30

but now it's caught up with me.

0:18:300:18:31

Did you count all the beads, Anya?

0:18:310:18:33

It's become more of a struggle...

0:18:330:18:35

..emotionally, physically, mentally.

0:18:370:18:40

Three, four, five, six!

0:18:400:18:43

Natalie will go through treatment with her daughters Madison,

0:18:430:18:46

aged three, and Anya, who's two.

0:18:460:18:49

It doesn't mean to say that I've picked drugs over my children,

0:18:500:18:54

it just means that I've struggled to face all my demons.

0:18:540:18:58

For so long I've been controlled by either drugs

0:19:000:19:03

or within a violent relationship,

0:19:030:19:05

so I know to overcome drugs, I've got to overcome them.

0:19:050:19:09

And I've been running away from them for years

0:19:100:19:12

and I've always had an excuse not to face them.

0:19:120:19:16

Because drugs is just easier.

0:19:160:19:18

Nat is ashamed of herself.

0:19:190:19:21

She's ashamed of the situation she's in.

0:19:210:19:23

Um...

0:19:240:19:26

She's ashamed to...

0:19:260:19:27

..be honest and straight with me, in the past.

0:19:280:19:31

I believe she's spoken more to her mother.

0:19:330:19:36

But then her mother...

0:19:360:19:37

..as mothers I believe do, protect their children more.

0:19:380:19:43

She started to take drugs when she was 13 years of age,

0:19:440:19:48

which spiralled into an addiction to heroin at the age of 18,

0:19:480:19:51

and crack cocaine.

0:19:510:19:53

She'd been using more frequently than the local authority knew about,

0:19:530:19:56

so she was saying that she'd got a period of abstinence,

0:19:560:19:59

so she was sticking just to her prescription.

0:19:590:20:02

Quite interestingly, it's been revealed that she'd been

0:20:020:20:04

using pretty much every day.

0:20:040:20:05

So it was a little bit touch-and-go whether the local authority

0:20:050:20:08

were going to pull the plug really, in terms of supporting her,

0:20:080:20:11

and just go into proceedings and remove the children.

0:20:110:20:15

I'm sorry!

0:20:150:20:16

She was a manager at a children's nursery and she managed

0:20:190:20:22

to hold that down quite well, until it was discovered that she'd

0:20:220:20:25

got a heroin addiction.

0:20:250:20:26

So obviously that became problematic, so she lost her job.

0:20:260:20:29

Come on, then, shall we go and say goodbye to Grandad? Bye, Grandad.

0:20:310:20:34

Natalie won't be allowed the distraction of any visitors

0:20:360:20:39

until she's finished her month-long detox.

0:20:390:20:41

Yeah, Mummy's putting the little light on, look.

0:20:440:20:47

There we go. OK, so you've got the little light on.

0:20:470:20:50

Right, lay down then.

0:20:500:20:52

'You never give praise to an addict.

0:20:520:20:55

'You'd always tell them that they're shit, they're scum, dirty, rotten,

0:20:550:21:00

'bad parents.

0:21:000:21:02

'But just because we're addicts doesn't mean to say

0:21:020:21:04

'we have any different feelings or emotions than you do.

0:21:040:21:08

'Sometimes you have to be at rock-bottom,

0:21:100:21:13

'or life gets so bad and awful that you can turn things around

0:21:130:21:17

'and reflect.'

0:21:170:21:19

Take you in nursery? Nursery.

0:21:260:21:29

Nursery. Nursery.

0:21:290:21:31

The youngest children are looked after in the on-site nursery.

0:21:310:21:35

Thank you, bye-bye. Love you.

0:21:350:21:37

Excuse me, see you soon. Have a nice morning.

0:21:370:21:40

And now their parents can concentrate on their recovery

0:21:400:21:43

and the start of the second stage of treatment.

0:21:430:21:46

They must attend daily group therapy sessions

0:21:460:21:49

that openly discuss their past as addicts.

0:21:490:21:52

What I'd like you to do, and write on the back of this sheet of paper,

0:21:520:21:57

is to think back to a specific day where you were using heavily.

0:21:570:22:01

To look at how much substances, kind of,

0:22:010:22:05

were a priority in your life.

0:22:050:22:06

Between about half seven and nine in the morning,

0:22:080:22:11

I'd just be chilling on the sofa whilst the girls are

0:22:110:22:14

watching CBeebies...

0:22:140:22:16

and waiting for the dealer to come on again.

0:22:160:22:18

Once the girls were at nursery, I'd probably be scoring all day,

0:22:200:22:23

maybe up to five, six times a day.

0:22:230:22:26

At times, I become paranoid,

0:22:260:22:27

I started hallucinating and thinking things were crawling over me.

0:22:270:22:31

Just cos I'd been smoking, honestly, nonstop.

0:22:320:22:35

I wouldn't eat and sleep for days.

0:22:370:22:40

I'd be vomiting.

0:22:400:22:42

But that's the thing that got me to the doctors,

0:22:420:22:45

cos I kept on passing out.

0:22:450:22:46

Right. So how do you feel looking at you today?

0:22:460:22:50

Shit.

0:22:520:22:53

Sorry.

0:22:530:22:54

Cos I love my kids.

0:22:560:22:57

It's not trying to make them feel bad or anything, but ultimately,

0:23:010:23:04

they need to realise what they were doing

0:23:040:23:07

before coming in and why it's not OK.

0:23:070:23:11

Tell me, what's going on?

0:23:110:23:13

Why are we being silly today?

0:23:130:23:15

Cos people might try and glorify it a bit and justify it a bit,

0:23:150:23:19

but actually you can't do that.

0:23:190:23:21

You need to strip it back and really see it for what it was,

0:23:210:23:24

cos it's not glamorous at all.

0:23:240:23:26

Please go play outside, darling, She's having time-out.

0:23:260:23:29

Parenting in itself is the hardest thing in the world,

0:23:300:23:34

so when somebody is distracted by substances, relationships,

0:23:340:23:40

other things going on,

0:23:400:23:41

the children don't get the emotional attention

0:23:410:23:45

and availability of parents,

0:23:450:23:47

and that is very often the hidden harm, I guess,

0:23:470:23:50

because that's what you can't see.

0:23:500:23:52

Darling, I'm not going to fight with you about the chair.

0:23:540:23:56

You need to let it go. SHE CRIES

0:23:560:23:59

Natalie often went out

0:23:590:24:03

and left the children in the house alone,

0:24:030:24:07

for hours on end.

0:24:070:24:09

Upon arrival, Natalie had quite a battle with the elder child

0:24:100:24:13

because she quite rightly, had assumed herself the boss.

0:24:130:24:18

Because, you know, on occasion, she had been the boss.

0:24:180:24:22

So obviously, when they came to the family service

0:24:220:24:26

and Mum suddenly became the boss,

0:24:260:24:28

she had several dirty protests,

0:24:280:24:31

such as pooing on the carpet,

0:24:310:24:34

pooing on the kitchen table, to stamp her authority.

0:24:340:24:39

Can I have a cuddle?

0:24:390:24:40

Thank you, because I really don't want to have to make you

0:24:420:24:45

sit on the chair again, OK?

0:24:450:24:46

Hello. See, I told you I wouldn't be long, didn't I?

0:24:490:24:52

If Natalie is to keep her kids,

0:24:540:24:56

she must conquer her addiction and prove she can give them the care

0:24:560:25:00

and stability they need.

0:25:000:25:02

People will ask why you couldn't stop.

0:25:030:25:06

You know, "You nearly lost your children."

0:25:060:25:08

Um...

0:25:080:25:09

I put myself, my family, my children at danger.

0:25:090:25:13

I was unable to provide.

0:25:130:25:15

I put myself in risky situations, my children.

0:25:170:25:19

And I experienced violence, intimidation...

0:25:230:25:26

..and abuse.

0:25:280:25:30

And I just couldn't do it no more.

0:25:300:25:32

I was physically, emotionally, mentally tired.

0:25:320:25:36

INTERVIEWER: What might have happened had you carried on?

0:25:360:25:39

I think I would be six foot under.

0:25:390:25:41

Done, right. That's it, whisk it round gently.

0:25:420:25:45

Let me do it.

0:25:450:25:47

Got to get all those lumps out, darling.

0:25:470:25:50

Darling? Mine! You do that after.

0:25:500:25:53

Are we going? Mummy's got a headache, hasn't she?

0:25:550:25:58

Are you going to John? Thanks.

0:25:580:26:00

How are you doing?

0:26:000:26:02

Tracie is nearing the end of her detox.

0:26:020:26:05

But she's finding the month-long withdrawal tough.

0:26:050:26:08

Because I have to go and drink this crap, Methadone.

0:26:080:26:11

Because I've never been on it and I've always known it to be

0:26:110:26:14

for heroin users and stuff.

0:26:140:26:17

I've never touched heroin, why am I on this crap?

0:26:170:26:19

Put the bike back, good boy.

0:26:210:26:22

It makes me feel dirty.

0:26:260:26:27

Once the Methadone has finished and that detox potentially has ended,

0:26:290:26:33

that's often where people really sort of dip,

0:26:330:26:36

in terms of their wellbeing, especially emotionally,

0:26:360:26:40

and that's when they're at their most vulnerable

0:26:400:26:42

and we're at risk of losing them at that point.

0:26:420:26:45

In prison we've got a snooker table,

0:26:450:26:47

we can eat in our room, we can have a fag, do whatever.

0:26:470:26:49

Here, I'm missing the bars, Jess.

0:26:490:26:50

But this isn't prison, this is treatment.

0:26:500:26:53

Treatment? It doesn't feel like it, it feels like being punished.

0:26:530:26:56

This is... I know it is, but I stay.

0:26:560:26:59

It is.

0:26:590:27:00

This is what?

0:27:020:27:03

This is my last day, Jess. I know it is.

0:27:030:27:05

And there is no stopping me. I will ring them social services.

0:27:070:27:10

No, I can't do it.

0:27:110:27:13

Yeah, taking my boy it's going to hurt me.

0:27:140:27:17

For how long?

0:27:170:27:19

I'll get over it, I'll drink, I'll do something.

0:27:190:27:22

I can't do this, Jess, it's worse than a prison.

0:27:220:27:24

Where is the support here? There's no support, Jess.

0:27:240:27:27

So you don't want to be here?

0:27:310:27:33

I'm going to go and get smashed out of my head and drink.

0:27:330:27:36

OK. If you would normally turn to alcohol or drugs,

0:27:360:27:40

for comfort or to block the pain... Block the pain.

0:27:400:27:44

..or hide the fear or whatever,

0:27:440:27:46

it's natural that you're going to feel like you want to do that.

0:27:460:27:51

And that may be something that happens more than once,

0:27:510:27:54

it may be something that happens in the future.

0:27:540:27:56

What you're here to do, is look at how you cope and manage with

0:27:560:28:00

those kind of situations. Yeah.

0:28:000:28:03

And a lot of that is done through the groups, your key sessions,

0:28:030:28:06

your life story work.

0:28:060:28:08

Because beating yourself up continually, because of the guilt,

0:28:090:28:13

will do what to you? Because it's that painful. It's like, Tracie,

0:28:130:28:17

just give me... I don't know that it'll always go, or that it'll go

0:28:170:28:20

completely. It won't go completely. What it will do,

0:28:200:28:23

is you'll learn how to accept... To cope with it. Yeah.

0:28:230:28:26

..that, you know, that is gone,

0:28:260:28:29

and that you can't go back and make those changes in the past.

0:28:290:28:32

What you can do now is shape your future,

0:28:320:28:35

with all your kids, your relationships.

0:28:350:28:37

She's just sad and she's just guilty about her eldest children and...

0:28:400:28:45

..she just needs to be able to share that and work through it.

0:28:470:28:50

Tracie's oldest child, Leelee, helped to raise her siblings

0:28:520:28:56

when Tracie was incapable.

0:28:560:28:58

Leelee basically mothered my kids.

0:28:580:29:00

Being a mum at the age of eight, that's not nice.

0:29:010:29:04

It's not nice. So Leelee's had it hard.

0:29:050:29:08

I've never known a child to have it so hard like that.

0:29:080:29:10

Bring six kids up, but you're eight years old?

0:29:100:29:12

Wow!

0:29:120:29:14

Stay off school cos your mum can't cope.

0:29:140:29:16

"I'll pay you to stay off school, Leelee."

0:29:160:29:18

Cos I used to miss her going to school.

0:29:180:29:20

"I'll give you 20 quid, come on, let's go down town."

0:29:200:29:24

Mums don't do that.

0:29:240:29:25

Last one!

0:29:320:29:33

Natalie has successfully detoxed.

0:29:350:29:37

No, there's no more!

0:29:370:29:39

It's all gone!

0:29:390:29:41

Yeah. Yay! There you go. Thank you. You're welcome.

0:29:410:29:44

You've laid the first layer for Natalie,

0:29:440:29:46

she's got a lot of work to do.

0:29:460:29:48

No more medicines!

0:29:480:29:50

Her years of addiction have suddenly caught up with her

0:29:510:29:54

and it's all kind of overwhelming.

0:29:540:29:57

But Natalie has very little self-belief and a lot of issues.

0:29:570:30:00

Not just substance misuse issues, relationship issues,

0:30:010:30:05

emotional ill-health issues, all sorts of things

0:30:050:30:08

that she will have to continue working on.

0:30:080:30:11

Natalie's dad is visiting,

0:30:130:30:16

as she's confronting emotions that have come to the surface

0:30:160:30:18

now she's drug-free.

0:30:180:30:21

Of what you're writing down, your feelings, I'd like to know more.

0:30:210:30:24

I just don't want to hurt you, Dad.

0:30:240:30:27

That's...

0:30:270:30:30

That's something that I've got to cope with.

0:30:300:30:32

The thing is, I want to share your feelings...with me.

0:30:320:30:37

Yeah?

0:30:370:30:39

And that way I can understand you more and realise what the whole

0:30:390:30:43

situation has been about, yeah?

0:30:430:30:45

After you left, I was not taught...

0:30:450:30:48

You mean when we got divorced? Me and your mum, yeah.

0:30:480:30:52

Yeah, when you guys left, it was OK to drink, it was OK to do drugs.

0:30:520:30:56

Um...I know, because you came with me, didn't you?

0:30:580:31:01

No, no, when I went with Mum... Right. ..that's what I'm saying,

0:31:010:31:04

I was coming home drunk and she'd laugh. I was going in pissed,

0:31:040:31:08

drunk to school, she'd laugh.

0:31:080:31:11

You know, she had me rolling joints.

0:31:110:31:13

You know, and to me it was OK. Yeah.

0:31:130:31:16

She was going out,

0:31:160:31:17

she was going through that party stage and so I thought,

0:31:170:31:21

"Well, the only thing to cope with all this, and all this and all that,

0:31:210:31:24

"is just to block it out."

0:31:240:31:26

Yeah. Because I couldn't find a way out.

0:31:260:31:29

People go through things, you know, and they have to cope with them.

0:31:290:31:32

They have to get themselves back together, so...

0:31:320:31:35

In my mind initially, one would say,

0:31:370:31:39

"Well, why can't you cope with things?" Yeah?

0:31:390:31:42

All I knew was my head was messed up.

0:31:420:31:45

You know, from a young age, I'd just...I was put on antidepressants

0:31:450:31:49

from...I was in my early 20s when

0:31:490:31:51

they started putting me on antidepressants.

0:31:510:31:54

You know, and...

0:31:540:31:56

Now, because I've even just wrote that out, I can kind of,

0:31:560:32:01

not let go of it, I know I still need to deal with it,

0:32:010:32:04

but it's these things that... that's what I'm here to do.

0:32:040:32:07

There's another Natalie with a troubled past who's seeking help to

0:32:150:32:18

keep her family together.

0:32:180:32:20

She sought refuge in drugs after

0:32:210:32:24

being sexually abused as a child, by her uncle.

0:32:240:32:27

I was a baby when abuse first started.

0:32:270:32:31

A real, small baby. You know?

0:32:310:32:33

And it went all the way up until I was a teenager.

0:32:330:32:36

It was more than one person that had abused me, not just my uncle,

0:32:380:32:41

but other people.

0:32:410:32:43

And I said something once, but they didn't believe me.

0:32:430:32:46

I was angry and I was sad, alone, I felt isolated.

0:32:490:32:54

It built up to a point where I needed a release, and when I took

0:32:540:32:58

drugs, I couldn't feel nothing.

0:32:580:33:00

I didn't think about what happened.

0:33:000:33:02

And the first time I ever took heroin, the feeling of oblivion,

0:33:050:33:09

it was a really good feeling.

0:33:090:33:12

Not feeling nothing.

0:33:120:33:14

The hatred and the loathing I had of myself was so intense that,

0:33:160:33:22

you know, I couldn't cope with that any more.

0:33:220:33:26

So taking heroin, and that going-into-space feeling, was...

0:33:260:33:31

it was amazing, at the time.

0:33:310:33:33

Natalie has two sons -

0:33:370:33:39

three-year-old Sunny and 14-year-old Jay.

0:33:390:33:41

Let's do it!

0:33:410:33:44

She wouldn't eat for say, two weeks, three weeks.

0:33:440:33:46

I knew that one day, like,

0:33:460:33:49

she isn't going to wake up, kind of thing.

0:33:490:33:52

And I thought,

0:33:520:33:54

"If she carries on the way she is, then it's going to be soon."

0:33:540:33:58

But I didn't want to just wake up one day and then, like,

0:33:580:34:01

the police would be standing at the door and they'd just be taking me

0:34:010:34:05

and Sunny away from my mum. It was...it was very scary.

0:34:050:34:08

It was sad as well. It was very sad.

0:34:080:34:11

I looked after Sunny a lot of the time, because she wasn't well, and

0:34:140:34:18

I would think, like, she would, like, forget that she's even with

0:34:180:34:21

Sunny and leave him in the park and stuff like that.

0:34:210:34:24

I didn't want anything bad happening to Sunny, or my family.

0:34:250:34:29

I know that she ain't going to go back to drugs because of our family.

0:34:310:34:36

We love her and she knows that, and she loves us.

0:34:360:34:41

So I reckon that

0:34:410:34:43

she wouldn't go back to it because of that reason.

0:34:430:34:45

She wouldn't want our family broke apart again for drugs.

0:34:450:34:48

Natalie A, as she's known in the house, has been in rehab with Sunny

0:34:550:34:58

for two months while Jay stays behind with his dad.

0:34:580:35:03

She volunteered to come here and got funding for a three-month course

0:35:030:35:06

through her drug counsellor.

0:35:060:35:08

But looking back at the experiences that led to her addiction is hard.

0:35:080:35:12

One of the things that we do ask, is have a look at certain events

0:35:130:35:17

that have taken place in their lives.

0:35:170:35:20

Some of that looks like sexual abuse,

0:35:200:35:22

it might be that their parents were substance misusers and they kind of

0:35:220:35:26

experience maybe domestic abuse.

0:35:260:35:28

They might be children themselves that have been in care.

0:35:280:35:31

They could have felt abandonment, you know, the fact that they didn't

0:35:310:35:35

have a sense of identity or belonging.

0:35:350:35:37

The link between trauma and substance misuse,

0:35:370:35:40

we can't ignore that actually, you know, it is a high factor.

0:35:400:35:43

You weren't to blame for what your uncle did to you.

0:35:440:35:47

And nobody can take that pain away from you, unfortunately,

0:35:470:35:50

we can't take it away.

0:35:500:35:52

But what we can do is help you to sort of work through.

0:35:520:35:54

So how old were you when all of this stopped?

0:35:560:35:58

15. OK.

0:35:580:36:00

So it stopped at 15?

0:36:000:36:03

When did you have your first relationship, then?

0:36:030:36:05

I was 13. Right, OK.

0:36:050:36:07

So nobody's ever been held to account for what they've done

0:36:070:36:12

to you, and does that make you feel angry as well?

0:36:120:36:14

To a certain extent, yeah, of course it does. Who are you angry at?

0:36:150:36:19

The people who done it, people that didn't protect me.

0:36:190:36:22

My mum, the police, you know?

0:36:220:36:25

Myself, because I wasn't strong enough to stop it.

0:36:260:36:30

Why do you think you're at fault,

0:36:300:36:32

why do you think you could have done anything about that?

0:36:320:36:35

I don't know... You were a child.

0:36:370:36:39

And adults are supposed to be there to look after you, to care for you,

0:36:400:36:44

to protect you, not to abuse you.

0:36:440:36:46

Are you going to allow what's happened in the past to destroy

0:36:480:36:51

your life? I can't, because anything that destroys mine,

0:36:510:36:54

it destroys Jay's and Sunny's, too.

0:36:540:36:57

It's making some sense of it all now and just working through.

0:36:570:37:00

How do you start to move on with your life?

0:37:000:37:03

So you'll get there in the end. Well done.

0:37:050:37:07

Thank you. Go and get some air. Thank you, Alison.

0:37:070:37:10

Speak to you later. Yeah.

0:37:100:37:14

PLAYFUL YELLING

0:37:150:37:18

Parents free of drugs for the first time in years must learn to resist

0:37:180:37:22

temptation. At first, they're only trusted to be out while supervised.

0:37:220:37:26

But Phoenix hope that experiencing the first taste of simple family

0:37:270:37:31

pleasures will speed their recovery.

0:37:310:37:33

A lot of them, they will never have done anything like this, because

0:37:350:37:39

they would've been very tied to the home and where they are,

0:37:390:37:42

because they'll need, you know, what they need.

0:37:420:37:47

So it's about getting them out and showing what you can do, really.

0:37:470:37:51

And, you know, people really genuinely enjoy it.

0:37:510:37:53

I want them to see that there's life beyond substances.

0:37:550:37:59

You know, using heroin day in, day out,

0:37:590:38:02

is really a horrible way to live.

0:38:020:38:05

Isolating, miserable.

0:38:050:38:07

I just want them to understand that

0:38:070:38:09

you don't have to live like that any more.

0:38:090:38:11

LAUGHTER

0:38:110:38:14

Being normal, it's exciting, it's ace.

0:38:140:38:17

I always thought I'd never be able to have a life like this.

0:38:170:38:21

But just watching, he's enjoying it.

0:38:210:38:24

But, yeah, without medication, best life ever.

0:38:250:38:29

This way. This way.

0:38:310:38:33

Look.

0:38:330:38:35

This way, babe. Let's go and get some pennies.

0:38:350:38:39

Leaving the house without the staff is the next stage of trust.

0:38:400:38:44

Random drug tests are carried out in the house.

0:38:460:38:48

One reveals that Natalie A and another resident have used

0:38:500:38:53

crack cocaine and heroin while out unaccompanied.

0:38:530:38:56

I was at Tesco, and I see a man...

0:38:580:39:03

I just went up to him and said to him, "Can you get me anything?"

0:39:030:39:06

And it was literally an impulse that literally went through my brain,

0:39:060:39:09

like that.

0:39:090:39:11

And then I went up to a park up the road and done what I done.

0:39:110:39:16

They went off to use the public toilet,

0:39:190:39:21

and they took the kids with them,

0:39:210:39:23

and they shared care of the children while they were using the drugs.

0:39:230:39:27

Which is really sad for Sunny to be back in a situation where he's

0:39:270:39:31

exposed to that and, you know,

0:39:310:39:33

he's kind of seeing the emotion and the aftermath really, from Mum.

0:39:330:39:36

All I wanted to do was escape from everything.

0:39:380:39:42

From responsibility, from the whole programme,

0:39:420:39:45

from all the thoughts in my head, cos my head sometimes gets

0:39:450:39:48

really loud and then all the noise around me is just,

0:39:480:39:52

it's overwhelming and I can't take it sometimes.

0:39:520:39:55

And I just wanted everything to go quiet for a little bit.

0:39:550:39:58

Dinger Mouse! It's not Dinger Mouse, it's Danger Mouse.

0:39:580:40:02

When an addict in rehab lapses,

0:40:020:40:04

it's thought to jeopardise the recovery of everyone else.

0:40:040:40:08

Natalie must now face the group.

0:40:080:40:10

Because of the events that happened at the end of last week, concerning

0:40:100:40:14

Natalie, we can't just pretend it hasn't happened,

0:40:140:40:18

because it's like an elephant in the room, isn't it?

0:40:180:40:21

And personally,

0:40:210:40:22

I want to try and help you with that, and I would hope that the rest

0:40:220:40:25

of the community feel the same. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

0:40:250:40:29

You know, a craving is really strong, especially if you see it

0:40:290:40:32

in front of you. But you still have the power of thought.

0:40:320:40:35

You were still at that point where you could've turned your back and

0:40:350:40:38

walked away. You're in recovery and lapses happen through recovery.

0:40:380:40:41

How can a load of addicts that live together not understand that?

0:40:410:40:44

That's what I don't... You seem quite angry, Nat. No...

0:40:440:40:47

Why are you angry?

0:40:470:40:49

I'm not angry. I just feel unsupported, for all of last week,

0:40:490:40:53

and then that happened on Friday and then certain people are judging us

0:40:530:40:55

on Friday night. I were disappointed in you.

0:40:550:40:58

I hold my hands up, yeah, I were.

0:40:580:40:59

I wasn't angry, I was disappointed in you, Natalie.

0:40:590:41:01

But you don't have the right to be disappointed in me.

0:41:010:41:03

What right do you have to be...?

0:41:030:41:05

Well, I were disappointed. But what right do you have?

0:41:050:41:07

Why has she got no right to be disappointed? Why?

0:41:070:41:09

Because she doesn't have the right to be disappointed in me.

0:41:090:41:12

I'm disappointed in me.

0:41:120:41:13

My kids have the right to be disappointed in me.

0:41:130:41:15

No-one else has the right to be disappointed in me.

0:41:150:41:17

No-one else has the right to expect anything from me.

0:41:170:41:19

No-one. OK. I felt disappointed.

0:41:190:41:21

Why? I did feel disappointed. No-one else has the right to feel

0:41:210:41:24

disappointed in me. It always... You know, I've been here a long

0:41:240:41:27

time, and it always makes me feel upset.

0:41:270:41:29

I'm already punishing myself enough.

0:41:290:41:31

My own 14-year-old son understood the whole situation.

0:41:310:41:35

He weren't angry. He wasn't disappointed.

0:41:350:41:37

He was like, "It's OK, Mum. It happens. You're in recovery."

0:41:370:41:40

How can a 14-year-old understand that and not one other person

0:41:400:41:43

that's living in this house, doing the same thing as me,

0:41:430:41:46

not understand that? How?

0:41:460:41:48

I'm not sure where Natalie comes from, really,

0:41:500:41:52

saying, "You've got no right to either be angry,

0:41:520:41:56

"disappointed or upset with me."

0:41:560:41:58

They have got every right to be angry and disappointed and upset,

0:41:580:42:02

and they do feel that.

0:42:020:42:03

Because she's used,

0:42:050:42:07

Natalie's told she'll have to leave the house in a week unless her

0:42:070:42:11

funders are persuaded she deserves a second chance.

0:42:110:42:14

I have written a letter of appeal, which I wrote today...

0:42:150:42:19

..and fingers crossed they choose to keep me in the service,

0:42:200:42:24

because if they don't, then I don't know where things will end up.

0:42:240:42:28

I'll probably end up back at square one, because it means going back to

0:42:290:42:32

London, going back to that flat.

0:42:320:42:35

You know, the same surroundings and that,

0:42:350:42:38

and the boys being removed from my care.

0:42:380:42:42

I wasn't angry with her.

0:42:430:42:45

I was more glad that she had told me that she had relapsed than her

0:42:450:42:49

keeping it to herself, cos then,

0:42:490:42:52

if she wouldn't have told me, I wouldn't have been there to tell her

0:42:520:42:55

that mistakes happen.

0:42:550:42:57

She just needs to carry on going and just stay positive, and try her best

0:42:570:43:02

not to relapse again.

0:43:020:43:04

Before the week is up,

0:43:110:43:13

both Natalie's drug worker and the Phoenix management come to a

0:43:130:43:17

decision about whether she can stay on the programme.

0:43:170:43:20

Take a seat.

0:43:210:43:23

So, I wanted to obviously have a conversation with you, and it's

0:43:230:43:28

important, of course, that we get this kind of decision to you, rather

0:43:280:43:33

than leaving you waiting. So, based on what we think as a service,

0:43:330:43:37

we are prepared to keep you here and continue to work with you.

0:43:370:43:41

OK? Thank you. So, what that means for us is that we're going to be

0:43:410:43:45

very clear with you about expectations. I agree.

0:43:450:43:47

I'm really sorry for what I've done, and I know I made a big mistake.

0:43:470:43:51

I messed up all of the hard work that I've done,

0:43:510:43:54

but I promise you I will make it better.

0:43:540:43:56

I will fix it. OK. SHE SOBS

0:43:560:43:59

Thank you. OK.

0:43:590:44:01

And let's get back on track. This is so important to me.

0:44:010:44:04

Not just me, but to my boys as well,

0:44:040:44:06

and over the weekend, I've really punished myself on this.

0:44:060:44:09

I know what I done, and I will fix it and make it right.

0:44:090:44:12

It's very serious, isn't it, you know, in the sense of, for you,

0:44:120:44:15

the stakes are very high.

0:44:150:44:18

You know, and I guess it's just happened at a time when you're in a

0:44:180:44:22

supportive environment and we're able to support you and help you

0:44:220:44:24

through that. And there's a lot more work I think that we need to do with

0:44:240:44:27

you, Natalie. Yeah. But if it does happen again, then we will

0:44:270:44:30

be in a position of asking you to leave almost immediately.

0:44:300:44:33

Yeah, obviously. OK. I know. Thank you. All right.

0:44:330:44:36

Yeah, that feels...

0:44:380:44:40

That was overwhelming, because I don't believe a lot in myself,

0:44:400:44:43

so because I don't have a lot of belief in myself,

0:44:430:44:45

when someone's telling me that or saying to me that,

0:44:450:44:48

"We'll give you another chance because we believe

0:44:480:44:50

"that you can do this,"

0:44:500:44:51

it's very overwhelming, very overwhelming.

0:44:510:44:54

How do you know when somebody's going to do well or not?

0:44:550:44:59

You don't. You can have somebody that's done really,

0:44:590:45:02

really well in their treatment

0:45:020:45:05

and is determined to change their life, and sustain those changes,

0:45:050:45:09

leave and go back to

0:45:090:45:11

their old habits, within hours and days of leaving.

0:45:110:45:15

The six months is just a dress rehearsal.

0:45:150:45:16

The hard work begins out in the community.

0:45:160:45:19

Sian is at the end of her treatment, and is braced

0:45:220:45:25

to return to her village. There she will face the temptation

0:45:250:45:28

of drugs being easily available.

0:45:280:45:32

The concerns that I have, um...

0:45:320:45:35

..are just people...

0:45:370:45:41

not respecting that I've been through rehab.

0:45:410:45:43

As long as they get what they need,

0:45:430:45:45

they're not bothered who they take down,

0:45:450:45:47

and I was like that once as well.

0:45:470:45:50

So the best thing I can do to give myself the best possible start is to

0:45:500:45:53

not...not put myself in a vulnerable situation.

0:45:530:45:57

The area that she grew up in,

0:45:580:46:00

and it's the area where she got her drugs in,

0:46:000:46:02

so she knows every location where to go and get her heroin from,

0:46:020:46:06

but I do believe that she won't do it.

0:46:060:46:09

Because quite a few of my mum's friends have had their kids

0:46:090:46:13

taken off them.

0:46:130:46:14

Sian will stay with her parents until she gets a place of her own.

0:46:180:46:21

That's you done. Don't cry.

0:46:210:46:23

She aims to stay clean

0:46:240:46:27

and hopes to live with all her children again soon.

0:46:270:46:29

Bye! Good luck!

0:46:290:46:31

As families move through the programme, and some successfully

0:46:350:46:39

leave with their children,

0:46:390:46:41

those left behind take on fresh responsibilities.

0:46:410:46:44

Right, come on, then. Let's do cleaning check.

0:46:440:46:47

One important job is to make sure everyone's cleaning properly.

0:46:480:46:51

Check the bin. All nice and clean.

0:46:530:46:56

Can you write on this one? Tick!

0:46:560:46:58

Tick! Tick! That's it.

0:46:580:47:00

Clever girl.

0:47:000:47:02

Anya, out the washing machine, please.

0:47:020:47:06

Natalie's new-found self discipline

0:47:060:47:08

has had a calming effect on the girls.

0:47:080:47:12

Come and stand over here.

0:47:120:47:14

I'm focused and determined.

0:47:140:47:16

I think about my routine, what needs to be done by certain times.

0:47:170:47:21

I follow that each and every day.

0:47:210:47:24

But the final stage of treatment for Natalie

0:47:270:47:30

will be her toughest task yet.

0:47:300:47:32

She must write an honest and revealing account of her life to

0:47:320:47:36

learn from past mistakes

0:47:360:47:38

and so avoid resorting to drugs when troubled.

0:47:380:47:41

It's just about letting go, letting go of shame, guilt, and moving

0:47:410:47:47

forward, leaving the past where it is and being able to accept the

0:47:470:47:51

decisions and bad situations you've been in.

0:47:510:47:54

"I'm unable to remember a lot of fond memories from my early

0:47:570:48:01

"childhood. There was domestic violence between Mum and Dad,

0:48:010:48:04

"which I often witnessed.

0:48:040:48:06

"It was very scary, especially as I was around five years old.

0:48:060:48:10

"At the age of seven,

0:48:100:48:12

"the violence got to a point where me and my mum and my brother went to

0:48:120:48:16

"stay at my Uncle John's for a few nights.

0:48:160:48:19

"It wasn't long after this when my mum and dad finally divorced.

0:48:190:48:23

"From age 13, I started dating an older guy.

0:48:230:48:26

"Seeing as he was five years older than me, I felt protected,

0:48:260:48:29

"loved and safe, but looking back on it now,

0:48:290:48:31

"I was just a child dating an adult.

0:48:310:48:33

"I was searching for security and love.

0:48:330:48:35

"I discovered drinking, tablets, shoplifting,

0:48:370:48:40

"ecstasy, and often went to school drunk,

0:48:400:48:43

"following a...swallowing a mouthful of pills.

0:48:430:48:45

"During the club scene, I soon started on cocaine,

0:48:450:48:48

"speed and poppers, and nonstop drinking.

0:48:480:48:50

"One Saturday night, me and my friends went out clubbing.

0:48:520:48:56

"That night I was...dragged into a flat by a man in his 30s,

0:48:560:49:02

"and raped for the entire evening until the morning.

0:49:020:49:05

"It finished when he threw me out with my ripped clothes, and told me

0:49:070:49:10

"to get out once he opened the door.

0:49:100:49:12

"Every...every day,

0:49:150:49:16

"I felt resentment towards my mum." SHE SOBS

0:49:160:49:18

"It took me six years to tell her about that night.

0:49:180:49:21

"Her response didn't surprise me,

0:49:210:49:25

"and began telling me that I probably deserved it."

0:49:250:49:28

Congratulations.

0:49:330:49:34

THE OTHERS APPLAUD

0:49:340:49:37

It's all part of relapse prevention, and without the knowledge

0:49:380:49:44

of triggers and cravings and how to cope without substances,

0:49:440:49:49

there is more likelihood that somebody's going to relapse,

0:49:490:49:51

and their life story,

0:49:510:49:53

there are lots of things held within somebody's life story that are going

0:49:530:49:57

to be triggers to them using.

0:49:570:49:59

The variety and range of emotions that somebody's going to feel when

0:49:590:50:03

they're writing that are enormous.

0:50:030:50:07

It easier just to pick up a drink and swallow a handful of pills than

0:50:070:50:11

what it is to deal with all these negative thoughts within your head.

0:50:110:50:15

You know, and I'm trying to understand my own addictions,

0:50:150:50:19

my own fears, anxieties, plus my own mental health.

0:50:190:50:23

I'm trying to understand that,

0:50:230:50:25

and some things are becoming clearer now, of how I couldn't manage that,

0:50:250:50:29

and what led me to addiction.

0:50:290:50:30

Oh, careful! Aah!

0:50:330:50:37

Yeah, you be a good boy for your mum, yeah?

0:50:370:50:39

Natalie A has decided she's got all she wants from rehab.

0:50:390:50:43

Oh, careful! Careful!

0:50:430:50:46

Despite recently succumbing to the temptation of drugs,

0:50:460:50:49

she plans to leave immediately with Sunny.

0:50:490:50:52

I'm ready for this. I need... I'm done here.

0:50:520:50:55

I don't even... But you only had a relapse the other week.

0:50:550:50:58

Hm? You only did that thing the other week.

0:50:580:51:00

I think I needed that lapse to make me realise that I know that I'm

0:51:000:51:04

strong enough to be without this.

0:51:040:51:06

I done that and I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life,

0:51:060:51:08

and I'm not going to make that mistake again.

0:51:080:51:10

I've got way too much to lose.

0:51:100:51:11

Well, you've got your head screwed on, haven't you?

0:51:110:51:13

I'm not going to lie. I'm scared.

0:51:130:51:14

Of course I am. I'm nervous.

0:51:140:51:16

But I'm ready for the next challenge.

0:51:160:51:18

I'm not sure she's fully thought that through.

0:51:180:51:21

I will talk to her about it,

0:51:210:51:22

but the way I see it at the moment is that she's completely made up her

0:51:220:51:25

mind that this is her decision. She wants to leave.

0:51:250:51:28

That's why I think it's important we can sit down and discuss the pros

0:51:290:51:33

and cons, and the impact on Sunny,

0:51:330:51:35

as well, which we have to take into account.

0:51:350:51:37

Hello. Mm-hmm.

0:51:370:51:40

Natalie's drug worker,

0:51:400:51:41

who supported her reprieve and provided funding for

0:51:410:51:44

three more months, is alarmed to hear of her decision.

0:51:440:51:47

I have got my head in, still, in the right space.

0:51:470:51:49

I'm not thinking about going out and using.

0:51:490:51:52

You can't just bring up concerns cos I've said I'm going to leave.

0:51:520:51:55

It doesn't matter, because no-one can just take Sunny from me.

0:51:550:51:58

You can't just come and take him unless there's a real concern that

0:51:580:52:01

I'm going to hurt him, that I'm putting him in an unsafe

0:52:010:52:03

environment, that I'm using.

0:52:030:52:04

I'm not.

0:52:040:52:06

Ugh...

0:52:060:52:08

Cherie, it doesn't matter what you say.

0:52:080:52:10

I'm going. End of.

0:52:100:52:12

Where's Sunny?

0:52:140:52:15

How do you feel? Where are we going to live?

0:52:180:52:20

We'll find a new home.

0:52:200:52:22

Look at me. You're going to go to a new school, yeah?

0:52:220:52:26

Are you excited? No. No?

0:52:260:52:29

You're not excited?

0:52:290:52:30

But you know that it doesn't matter where we are,

0:52:300:52:33

it's always going to be me and you and JJ,

0:52:330:52:36

cos we're a family, aren't we?

0:52:360:52:37

We'll have lots of fun, yeah?

0:52:370:52:39

Start a new life.

0:52:390:52:41

Me, you and your brother.

0:52:410:52:44

Love you.

0:52:440:52:46

OK?

0:52:460:52:47

She's very firm in saying she's going to continue in her recovery,

0:52:490:52:53

and she doesn't want to use, and she wants the best for Sunny.

0:52:530:52:57

Given the incident that happened, what, two weeks ago?

0:52:570:53:00

It does cause concern, yeah.

0:53:000:53:02

It's pretty worrying, with Natalie.

0:53:040:53:06

Staff have no power to keep Natalie in rehab.

0:53:070:53:10

And social services don't consider the risk to her children great

0:53:110:53:14

enough to seek protection of them through the court.

0:53:140:53:16

Natalie and Sunny can leave unchallenged.

0:53:180:53:21

I can't say forever that I'm going to be clean - no addict can.

0:53:270:53:30

At the moment, I'm happy being clean and I want to do well.

0:53:320:53:36

Like, on my estate, there was a lot of addicts,

0:53:360:53:39

there was a lot of drug dealers.

0:53:390:53:41

I feel scared about my sons living around somewhere like this,

0:53:410:53:45

because of...

0:53:450:53:47

..what they can get themselves into, but also I hope that my sons will be

0:53:470:53:53

stronger than I was and that...

0:53:530:53:54

..through what I've been through and what they've seen me go through,

0:53:560:53:59

hopefully, that they will take a different path,

0:53:590:54:03

you know?

0:54:030:54:04

Come on, then. Yes, yes! Freedom! Go on, then, out we go.

0:54:070:54:11

Today, we're going to pack our suitcases.

0:54:110:54:14

What might we need in a new house?

0:54:140:54:16

Some toothpaste?

0:54:160:54:18

Today is about introducing the concept of moving from here to their

0:54:180:54:25

new family home.

0:54:250:54:27

It may be difficult to understand the concept that home, to a child,

0:54:270:54:30

may not necessarily be something that is a positive thing.

0:54:300:54:34

Hopefully, new house, new environment, new start,

0:54:340:54:38

will give a little bit of confidence that it's not going to be the same

0:54:380:54:42

as previously, because it'll be a different setting.

0:54:420:54:45

And that's the best we can hope for, really.

0:54:460:54:49

Right, is this your case? Come on, then.

0:54:530:54:55

Yeah, we're leaving it here for...ready to pack up.

0:54:550:54:58

I've seen a massive development in her confidence.

0:54:580:55:01

When she initially come to us, Natalie, you know, she was quite

0:55:010:55:05

quiet, a little bit subdued, and

0:55:050:55:07

quite uncertain in terms of her relationships.

0:55:070:55:10

However, as she's moved through the programme,

0:55:100:55:12

we've really seen her developing confidence and really blossom to the

0:55:120:55:16

point where she's leaving us now, ready to go back into the community,

0:55:160:55:20

she's got the children with her, you know,

0:55:200:55:22

and the changes that she's made have just been marvellous.

0:55:220:55:26

It's a very special and important day for you,

0:55:260:55:28

so let's not fill it full of stresses and stuff.

0:55:280:55:32

And what else do we need? Oh, it doesn't fit in my case!

0:55:320:55:36

There's lots of anxieties when somebody's leaving us,

0:55:360:55:38

and lots of mixed emotions, as you can imagine.

0:55:380:55:41

You know, there's quite a bit of fear, I suppose, about the unknown

0:55:410:55:44

and the future, mixed with the fact that they're leaving somewhere

0:55:440:55:47

really stable, with people that they're familiar with,

0:55:470:55:50

with lots of support.

0:55:500:55:51

There's a massive amount at stake for people, you know,

0:55:510:55:54

if they get it wrong.

0:55:540:55:56

Natalie and the girls are starting a new life as a family

0:55:560:55:59

on the Kent coast.

0:55:590:56:00

Bounce! That's your pillow!

0:56:000:56:03

It's been really busy, moving

0:56:030:56:06

and packing, cleaning,

0:56:060:56:08

settling the girls.

0:56:080:56:10

GARGLING

0:56:110:56:14

Again.

0:56:140:56:15

I was actually sitting here last night,

0:56:150:56:17

and I was thinking, it's been a long while that I haven't had to wake up

0:56:170:56:21

and think that I had to score in the morning.

0:56:210:56:24

And I don't feel vulnerable any more.

0:56:260:56:28

I know I mustn't be complacent with that.

0:56:280:56:30

I know I've got to avoid the risky situations,

0:56:300:56:33

but now I can notice them more.

0:56:330:56:34

Ooh, give me a kiss and a cuddle. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mwah!

0:56:360:56:40

I've got confidence in myself,

0:56:400:56:42

self-esteem and self-belief.

0:56:420:56:44

You know, I feel strong, I don't feel weak and vulnerable and...

0:56:450:56:49

you know, need to have crazy people in my life, basically.

0:56:500:56:55

Mum, sit on my bed.

0:56:550:56:57

Lay down, then.

0:56:570:56:59

Given the right environment and given the right support,

0:57:010:57:03

anybody could change.

0:57:030:57:06

If families don't come here,

0:57:060:57:08

keeping them in the system can cost hundreds of thousands of pounds.

0:57:080:57:12

The cost of keeping children in local authority care,

0:57:120:57:16

the cost in terms of being in prison, the cost to the NHS -

0:57:160:57:20

it's endless.

0:57:200:57:22

More than three quarters of the parents who come here complete the

0:57:240:57:27

programme and leave for a new future with their children.

0:57:270:57:30

You'd better take care of Junior. You too.

0:57:300:57:32

It's Tracie's time to go home with her son.

0:57:320:57:34

We're going home!

0:57:360:57:38

I see people having to face their past, substance-free.

0:57:380:57:44

And we see some amazing changes with

0:57:440:57:47

our families whilst they're here with us.

0:57:470:57:50

And they leave with the real hope that they can keep themselves

0:57:500:57:53

drug-free, safe and well, and also their children the same.

0:57:530:57:57

Bye, guys! Thank you, everyone!

0:58:000:58:02

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0:58:020:58:05

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0:58:190:58:22

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0:58:220:58:26

..and follow the links to the Open University.

0:58:270:58:31

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