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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
I'm Riyadh, a gay man living in London, | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
a vlogger and a journalist. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
I grew up Catholic, but my father is Iraqi | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
so I spent much of my childhood at the local mosque. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
When I came out, I began to understand that mainstream religions | 0:00:15 | 0:00:19 | |
don't like people like me. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
To me, LGBT stands for, "Let God burn them." | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
You say, "Well, it's LGBTQ." | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
Well, then, you can say, "Let God burn them quickly." | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
God hates fags. What part of that don't you understand? | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
How can you engage yourselves with the same sex? | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
The Koran clearly says that it is wrong, | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
what you are doing. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
You're walking through a Muslim area dressed like a fag, mate. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
You need to get out of it. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
I want to know, though, | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
can you bring together your religion and your sexual identity, | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
even though the scriptures say that you're wrong? | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
Does God really hate queers? | 0:00:52 | 0:00:53 | |
I don't think God hates queers. I think people hate queers. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
God created all of us, so how could He hate us? | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
God loves everybody, really, I think God's quite forgiving. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:22 | |
But see, you say that as if we're supposed to feel sorry about it. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:26 | |
I'm not going to apologise for being what You made, that's like | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
the little cake that you made in the oven being like, "Sorry, I'm burnt." | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
You left me in too long. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
I feel like He doesn't hate anyone. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
He just doesn't want anyone to be gay. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
I would say that God likes me very much. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Why would it be a sin to hold my girlfriend's hand? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
It just doesn't make sense. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Of course, attitudes toward homosexuality have changed with the times, | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
and even religions have had to adapt, especially here in the UK. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
But it's still a fact that in 72 countries, | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
same-sex relations are illegal, and in 13 of those countries, | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
it's punishable by death. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
One option is that you can abstain. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Which is not something that I would ever do, | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
but I'm super intrigued by the fact that there are still | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
faith-based organisations out there willing to help you | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
rid yourself of your homosexual demons. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
-AMERICAN ACCENT: -Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:20 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
Tell them! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
I'm not gay no more! | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
I am delivered! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
I don't like men no more. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
I said I like women! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Women, women, women! | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
I'm not gay! | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
I would not carry a purse. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
I would not put on make-up. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
I will, | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
I WILL love a woman. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
What did I just watch? | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
AMERICAN ACCENT: "I don't like men no more!" | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
Yeah, you do. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:56 | |
I moved to London about a year and a half ago. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
Dalston's a great place to find yourself | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
and not be ashamed of who you are, I think. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
One day, I told my family that I am gay and I have a boyfriend. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:17 | |
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
so we were taught that homosexuality is a sin. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:23 | |
-AMERICAN ACCENT: -People have their own ideas | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
about what is right and wrong, | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
but what matters is how Jehovah feels. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
He wants us to be happy and he knows how we can be happiest. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
That's why he invented marriage the way he did. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
-CHILD: -You mean, one man and one woman? -Exactly! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
Because I'd confessed to my parents, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
we had to confess, also, to the congregation. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
They saw that I wasn't as repentant as I was probably supposed to be, | 0:03:44 | 0:03:49 | |
and that is when they decided to disfellowship me. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
Disfellowshipping is being judged and excommunicated | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
from the Christian congregation. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
The whole process is to keep the congregation clean. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
This is the Bible that I used to preach with. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
I've pretty much got rid of everything else, | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
but I just can't bring myself to get rid of this, for some reason. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:12 | |
I just think it's a lack of respect to throw away a Bible. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
I've actually got the date in there, when I got this Bible. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
December 2013. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
That was about ten months before I came out. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
I'm trying to find out as much as I can | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
about what the Jehovah's Witnesses don't like about the gays. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
There's a lot. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
They say that if you are homosexual, | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
the reason why that is, is because you have a demonic possession. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
How glam. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
Josh hasn't been back to his hometown since being ostracised | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
by his family and congregation two years ago. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
-You grew up here? -Yeah. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
And your family still live here? | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Yes, they live down this street, actually, a bit further down. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:03 | |
These were the streets that I used to preach on, as well, | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
so I'd literally go from door to door on this street. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
Does it feel like you kind of want to rock up there to number 22, | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
knock on the door and give the spiel again, or has it completely gone? | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
I think I'd be a bit rusty now. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:16 | |
At some point in your life, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:21 | |
-you realised that you were having feelings... -Yes. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:25 | |
..that weren't quite accepted by the Jehovah's Witnesses. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
I suppose when I reached the age of 14, | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
I started looking at guys and thinking, "Oh, yeah." | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
You know. "This is clearly what it is." | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
And I was caught watching porn at 14. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
-Rookie mistake! -Can you believe it? | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
-On dial-up, as well. -No! | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
You know, my mum found some stuff as well, and that's how I... | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
Dude, are we, like, the same person? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
Do you feel like the kid who was here | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
is the same guy that is in front of me now? | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
Are you a different person? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
It almost feels like a dream, ages ago. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
I was brought up to be a person | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
that I thought I was supposed to be, in the religion. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
You can only live so long lying to people and, like, pretending. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:11 | |
So I told my parents, and then you have to be put into something | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
that's called a judicial committee. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
And they ask you a lot of questions about what you've done, | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
how many times have you had sex, what kind of sex have you had? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
Do they make a distinction between a hand job and anal? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:27 | |
-Yeah. -Oh? | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
You can even be disfellowshipped for homosexual pornography. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
And then it goes up, yeah, so, hand job, blow job, | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
anal sex... | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
-Is anal, like, the worst you can do? -Yeah. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:40 | |
So, this is Kingdom Hall, | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
where you would come for your meetings. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
When you were here the last time, was this for the judicial process? | 0:06:49 | 0:06:53 | |
I just remember walking out into the car park and giving my... | 0:06:53 | 0:06:57 | |
my parents a call to let them know the news. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:01 | |
That's the worst kind of news that you want to hear | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
if you're a Jehovah's Witness parent. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
I got a letter through my door a few days after that, | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
saying that my family no longer would be able to see me any more, | 0:07:08 | 0:07:12 | |
and I went round in the evening and kind of... | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
..said goodbye to them, I guess. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
And there was loads of tears, loads of crying and... | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
..and then I left and I drove off, you know. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
And I've never seen them since. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:27 | |
I don't blame them for what's happened. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
Because I understand what's going on. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
But I'd also just love there to be some connection, | 0:07:34 | 0:07:39 | |
no matter what it is, you know? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
If they can find it in themselves to have some connection. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
When he was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses, | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
he was sent a letter by his family. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
He told me that it was too painful for him to read out in person, | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
so he's sent it to me. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
"Dearest Joshua, | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
"it is with the deepest sorrow and tears | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
"that we have to write you this letter. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
"Association and texts have to stop now, | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
"until the day when we are family again. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
"Please keep going in your resolve to come back to us, | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
"as a single day will not go by without one of us thinking of you. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
"We love you so much. Please be strong, love from Mum. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
"I love you so much. Love, Dad." | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Just the idea of not having your family there. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
They're still there, they're not dead, | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
but you can't be with them, you can't even... | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
She said that he can't text them any more. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:48 | |
This... | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
relationship. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
My mum and me, and the idea of her throwing me out | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
and not having me in her life any more... | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
I know it would kill her and it would kill me. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
They're basing these huge life decisions... | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
..on a book. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Josh has had literally no choice | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
in finding himself on the outside of his faith. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
But there are faith groups all over the UK | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
opening up to the LGBTQ community. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
I identify as trans-masculine, | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
so I use he/him pronouns. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
My sexual identity, I say that I'm pansexual. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
Growing up, and struggling with my sexual identity | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
and then my gender identity, | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
So my faith has been incredibly important, | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
because it's always given me a reason to keep going. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
Could it be possible to genuinely reconcile the desire | 0:09:53 | 0:09:57 | |
for a faith identity as an LGBTQ person? | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
How important is your faith to you? | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
I had this feeling that I was somehow wrong | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
or that I was somehow, you know, a bit gross. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
I was feeling, like, you know, if this continues, | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
then I don't want to be on my own, | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
I don't want to feel this isolated and kind of... | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
..sad all the time, you know, and kind of self-hating all the time. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:26 | |
I'd rather just, um... | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
not be around. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Yeah. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
It was the knowledge that there was this power that loved me | 0:10:32 | 0:10:36 | |
no matter what I did or who I was that's actually save my life. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
Did you feel that there was a fear there? Because, obviously, | 0:10:39 | 0:10:43 | |
you've seen the way certain churches treat gay people. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
In the church that I'm in now, and the church that I came out in, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
they practise what they preach in terms of being open, | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
in solidarity with the LGBT community. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
So I always felt safe. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
You've got a very special day coming up, is that right? | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
I am having a naming ceremony. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
It's kind of like a dedication or a christening kind of thing. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:08 | |
Because I started my transition over two years ago | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
and I became quite upset with the name that I chose | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
and became quite disconnected from it, | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
because I wasn't passing and people would call me Ellie. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
So what I wanted to do was kind of stand up in front of my community | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
and say, "Hey, this is me, I want to be a part of the community." | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
And the more that I've kind of come back to my church and kind of... | 0:11:29 | 0:11:34 | |
Got through the fear and just said, "Fuck it, this is who I am," | 0:11:34 | 0:11:38 | |
the more that I... | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
.. start loving myself and my name again. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
So it's actually really important to me now. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
You seem so strong because of your faith. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
You can just feel it, it's radiating from you. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
If you had one piece of golden advice | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
for a young trans person of faith, what would it be? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
Your faith is going to get you through. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
And also, you have to learn how to love yourself first. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
I think that's the thing. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Because you can change your own internal monologue, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
even if you can't change anybody else's mind. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
I'm going to see you in a couple of weeks at your renaming ceremony. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:14 | |
-Yeah, definitely. -I can't wait. -Me neither. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
I'll chat to you later. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
Elijah is insanely inspirational. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:29 | |
The renaming ceremony is just going to be that next step that | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
he needs to take to feel absolutely 100% comfortable in his own skin | 0:12:33 | 0:12:39 | |
and with this new name that he's chosen. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
I think it's going to be a very, very special | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
and emotional day for him, and probably for me as well. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
An advert suggesting gay people can be cured through therapy | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
has been banned by Transport For London. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
Should you try to cure gays? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Well, this man says therapy changed his sexual desires. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:03 | |
I've always been aware of my homosexual issues, | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
and even though I've been married for almost 29 years, | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
I have been in conflict in terms of my Christian identity | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
and my understanding of sexuality. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
So it's been my personal desire to try to establish | 0:13:16 | 0:13:20 | |
the greatest heterosexual potentiality that I have. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
Has it been a struggle? | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
It has been a struggle. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
I'm about to call Dr Mike Davidson. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
He's from the Core Trust, | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
which is a Christian organisation who say they can change you | 0:13:31 | 0:13:35 | |
and get rid of your homosexuality. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
DIALLING | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
Mike! | 0:13:39 | 0:13:40 | |
Hi, Riyadh. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
How do you help gay people? | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
So, for some people, | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
homosexual feelings are inconsistent with the values that they hold. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:50 | |
Because we see it as a developmental issue, | 0:13:50 | 0:13:54 | |
it is something that we think anybody can work on | 0:13:54 | 0:13:58 | |
if that's what they want to do. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
A developmental issue? Explain that. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
So, developmental in that context is about postnatal, | 0:14:02 | 0:14:08 | |
in other words, what happens to you after you have been born. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:12 | |
The environment is very important. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
Do you believe that homosexuality is a choice? | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
Certainly, in my case, it wasn't a choice. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
I found that I had these feelings | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
and I was not consciously aware of choosing anything. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:30 | |
But I recognised in my life that I had choices around those feelings. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:36 | |
And I think that that is a very important dimension | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
that is being lost today. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
Were you shameful of your homosexuality? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
Absolutely. I was. Because I didn't understand it. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:49 | |
For me, it didn't sit comfortably. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
And, certainly, certainly, there was a spiritual component to this. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
There was an understanding of a Biblical world view. | 0:14:56 | 0:15:01 | |
And I'm not talking about eight Scriptures, | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
I'm talking about the whole tone and tenor of Scripture. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:08 | |
Is it possible for a gay person to be religious | 0:15:08 | 0:15:12 | |
and for the two to live in harmony? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
Clearly, there are individuals who hold those two things together, | 0:15:14 | 0:15:20 | |
and are happy doing so. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
But if you take the biblical scholarship, | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
there is no way you can reconcile | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
modern understanding of homosexuality | 0:15:28 | 0:15:33 | |
and spiritual faith that is Bible-based. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
-For a client coming to you seeking your service... -Yeah. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:40 | |
..what sort of cost is it? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
Zero. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
So you do it from the goodness of your own heart? | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
I do it because professionals in this country have reneged | 0:15:48 | 0:15:55 | |
on their responsibility to be open-minded | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
to people who are being denied the right and the freedom | 0:15:59 | 0:16:03 | |
to go in the direction that they want to go in. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:07 | |
They are being told that they don't know what's good for them. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:11 | |
That's why I do it. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
Thank you so much for your time. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-You're welcome. -Have a good day, Mike. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
I'm sorry, but if you're offering people this service, | 0:16:19 | 0:16:23 | |
you are telling them that there is something lesser or something wrong | 0:16:23 | 0:16:27 | |
with their sexual identity and their sexuality. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
I find it deeply, deeply insulting | 0:16:30 | 0:16:34 | |
that anyone, even a therapist, would say | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
that my sexuality is interchangeable. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
That's it. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
I think sexuality is incredibly complex. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
I don't think we can put it down to it just being a choice. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
This is one thing that I'm just so adamant about. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
Being queer is not a choice. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
Um... No. Absolutely not. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
When people ask me if gay is a choice, it's quite infuriating. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:02 | |
A ridiculous statement. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
You can't help who you love. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
I didn't choose to be this way, | 0:17:06 | 0:17:07 | |
I wouldn't choose to put myself through all of this stress. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
Do you know what? If it was a choice, I would definitely be gay. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
100%. I love being gay. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Homosexuality is not accepted in Islam. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
So the Muslim community will never accept homosexuality in a whole. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
You either be gay or you be Muslim. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
No-one is forcing you to be a Muslim. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
What are people like me meant to do, then? | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
I was brought up in an Islamic household, | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
I'm from an Islamic community, | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
I'm from a very conservative Pakistani community. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
For a lot of young Muslims living here in the UK, | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
there can be a cultural pressure for them to get married, | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
and the idea of coming out is simply not an option. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
I'm going to meet Marium, who says she wants to be with a woman, | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
but right now is on the hunt for a marriage of convenience. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:53 | |
For Marium, the stakes are high. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
This is not her real name, and it's not her own flat. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
Why is it so important for you to get married? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:04 | |
DISTORTED: | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
How do you identify now religiously? | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
Do your parents think that you're a devout Muslim? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
And they're wrong? | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
If your parents were to find out about your sexuality, | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
what would happen? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
And losing your family, for you, is not an option? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
Do you see yourself ever coming out to them? | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
You're going to tell me a bit about marriage of convenience, what is it? | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
Would you mind showing me your profile? | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
This is your description of yourself. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
Wow. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
It's the weirdest dating app profile I've ever seen. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
So, when you're with a girl, at what point do you tell them, | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
"I am looking for a gay man to be my kind of cloak?" | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
That would be an incredible woman. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
I think she's out there. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:12 | |
I hope she is. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
A marriage of convenience is a way for Marium to hold on to her family | 0:20:15 | 0:20:19 | |
and wider community. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
She's not willing to give up on them, | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
even if it means she must live a lie. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
In the absence of acceptance, it's an interesting alternative. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
I got these amazing little chocolates for Elijah | 0:20:35 | 0:20:39 | |
to celebrate today, | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
because obviously it is a massive, massive day, | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
and it's been an absolutely huge time coming. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:47 | |
CONGREGATION SING | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
Why is it that this church practises such inclusivity and such openness | 0:21:06 | 0:21:11 | |
compared to most of the others? | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
The Bible says, on the very first page, | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
that every man and every woman is made in God's image. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
That's what it's about. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
So everyone is welcome, whatever their gender, | 0:21:21 | 0:21:24 | |
their gender identity and their sexuality. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
they are welcome here in this church. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
It's a great thing. I think you're being called away. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
We're about to start, so I don't want to hold you, | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
-but I'm looking forward to the ceremony. -Thank you. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
-Thank you, Steve. Cheers. -God bless you. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
# Lay down your love | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
# Lay down your heart... # | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
Welcome, everyone. It's great to see you here at Oasis Church, Waterloo. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:53 | |
We have this wonderful opportunity this morning | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
of worshipping God together. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
I'm going to ask Elijah to come to the front. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
Elijah is going to be named. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
So, Elijah, there you are. Welcome. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
Elijah is, obviously, a little bit nervous, I guess, | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
standing up in front of people. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
But Elijah will explain to you why he has come to this point | 0:22:13 | 0:22:17 | |
and why this moment is a sacred and holy and special moment for us all. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:23 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
I came out as female-to-male transgender over two years ago. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
Whilst the process of accepting and showing my gender identity | 0:22:31 | 0:22:36 | |
was freeing on so many levels, it has also proven to be | 0:22:36 | 0:22:40 | |
the hardest and most challenging experience of my entire life. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:44 | |
But I found that the more that I shared my new name | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
with people around me, | 0:22:47 | 0:22:48 | |
the more I also started learning to apologise for who I was. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:54 | |
I apologised for my voice being too high, | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
for my body being too feminine, | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
for my interests being too stereotypically female. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:03 | |
Because the world around me didn't seem to accept me, | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
I stopped accepting myself. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
I lived in fear of having to explain my gender identity | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
because how do you explain a part of yourself that you've learnt to hate? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:15 | |
This act of allowing myself to be seen and heard reminds me | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
that today is about letting go of my shame, my fear and my self-doubt. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:24 | |
And today I can honestly say that I am proud to be Elijah, | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
and I am grateful to be able to share my story with you | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
in a space that I know to be safe and encouraging. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
Thank you. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:34 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
Whoo! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
So, will you, the congregation of this church, | 0:23:47 | 0:23:51 | |
commit yourselves to Elijah, to play your part in supporting him | 0:23:51 | 0:23:56 | |
through your love and active, ongoing care and prayer? | 0:23:56 | 0:24:01 | |
-ALL: -We do. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
-Do you feel like you've been reborn? -Yes. -You do? -I do, yes. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:17 | |
-That's incredible. -Yes. -Do you feel like a new person? -Yeah. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
I feel stronger now because it's out there, | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
there's nothing left to be scared of. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
-Take it or leave it - I'm Elijah. -Yes, exactly. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
-And I think they took it. -Well, everyone has said, "We do." | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
-Then you lost it. -You're going to make me cry again. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
-Congratulations. -Thank you. -How was that? Was that OK? | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
-It was... -Was that OK? -Yeah, it was good. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
This is like nothing I've ever seen before, | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
you know, growing up in a very different religious set-up. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:48 | |
There is so much love in this room. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
Well done. I'm so proud of you. Well done. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
There are churches, there are religious groups like this | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
that accept everyone. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:59 | |
-Oh, you were so good! -Thank you. I appreciate that. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:03 | |
Does it affect how you are outside of this building, | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
what happened today? | 0:25:06 | 0:25:07 | |
I'm going to remember everyone standing up and just accepting me | 0:25:07 | 0:25:11 | |
-and think fuck it. -THEY LAUGH | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
I've got a community so it doesn't matter | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
what people think of me any more outside of this community. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
And I feel better in my own skin. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
-Well done. -Thank you. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
-And thanks for coming. -My pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
-What a special day to be part of. -Yeah. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
I claim a faith, yeah. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
I tend to shy away from the word religious | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
because I think it has a lot of negative connotations. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:38 | |
I've identified as Christian in the past, but not any more. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:43 | |
I don't really feel like it has a place in my life. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:47 | |
No, I'm spiritual | 0:25:47 | 0:25:48 | |
because religion has caused many problems in the world. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:51 | |
But the truth of the matter is the Bible says God is love. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:55 | |
I identify as a spiritual person | 0:25:55 | 0:25:57 | |
who appreciates lots of different religions. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:01 | |
I know what I believe in, | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
I know who I believe in, | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
and I try and do right by that. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
Everything that I've prayed for, I've got. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:11 | |
I caught up with former Jehovah's Witness Josh | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
in his new life. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
I'm here in his new home, his new habitat, if you like, | 0:26:17 | 0:26:21 | |
to see what he's like as a young, open, free, gay man | 0:26:21 | 0:26:25 | |
in the middle of East London. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
And of course I've brought some beverages. | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
I've always been told by my mother, | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
"Never arrive to a party with swinging hands." | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
-Hey! -Hi! -How you doing? -How you doing? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
-Good to see you again. You OK? -Oh, my God, look at your flat! | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
-I know, can you believe it? -It's gorgeous. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
-It's actually clean for once. -Can I move in? -Sure. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:51 | |
I love your interior design. Sorry, that's the gay in me coming out. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:26:54 | 0:26:55 | |
-So, you know what we're doing tonight? -I'm actually not sure. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
-I've never been, like, "out" out in East London. -OK. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:03 | |
What am I going to have to...? | 0:27:03 | 0:27:04 | |
So, we're going to this bar called The Glory tonight. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
It's a gay bar and it's quite unique. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:11 | |
I've found people here now that have become my new family, | 0:27:11 | 0:27:15 | |
that have taken me under their wing, | 0:27:15 | 0:27:16 | |
that have kind of made friends with me and said, "Look, Josh, | 0:27:16 | 0:27:19 | |
"if you need us at any time, we're here for you." | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
And I think that's really important, like, in the ongoing process. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:27 | |
Because it's not ended yet for me. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
You know, there's still a process | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
that I need to go through continually | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
to carry on figuring myself out, | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
and, I guess, figuring what is going on in my head. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:42 | |
-BOTH: -Cheers. -God, you're really pulling out all the stops. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
Look into the eyes when you "cheers" | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
-otherwise it's... -BOTH: -Seven years of bad sex. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
THEY LAUGH Look at me here! | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
-Oh, yeah! -Yeah, that's good. -That's good. -That's really good. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
Time for Josh to show me what his new life has to offer. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:59 | |
MUSIC: Comfortably Numb by Scissor Sisters | 0:27:59 | 0:28:01 | |
# Gotta keep it going through the show | 0:28:01 | 0:28:03 | |
# C'mon, it's time to go | 0:28:03 | 0:28:04 | |
# Gotta keep it going through the show | 0:28:04 | 0:28:07 | |
# C'mon, it's time to go | 0:28:07 | 0:28:08 | |
# Gotta keep it going through the show | 0:28:08 | 0:28:10 | |
-# C'mon, it's time to go -CHEERING | 0:28:10 | 0:28:13 | |
# Gotta keep it going through the show | 0:28:13 | 0:28:15 | |
# C'mon, it's time to go... # | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
The environment that I was raised as a Jonas Jehovah's Witness, | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
it was very controlled. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:22 | |
You know, you're expected to be the person that they wanted you to be. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:26 | |
I can be myself here. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:28 | |
In my hometown, I felt trapped, I felt lost. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:32 | |
# Ah-ha | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
# OK | 0:28:34 | 0:28:35 | |
# It's just a little pin prick... # | 0:28:37 | 0:28:39 | |
Is it possible to be both a gay man and devout to your religion? | 0:28:39 | 0:28:45 | |
Whatever that religion may be, can you have both in the same world? | 0:28:45 | 0:28:48 | |
For my particular religion, I don't think it's possible. | 0:28:48 | 0:28:52 | |
I think it is possible, however, to be gay and take religious values | 0:28:52 | 0:28:58 | |
from the Bible and to apply them in your life. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:01 | |
But for a particular religion like Jehovah's Witnesses... | 0:29:01 | 0:29:06 | |
..I think it's impossible to lead two lives at the same time. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:11 | |
# Ah-ha, ah-ha... # | 0:29:13 | 0:29:15 | |
Look, of course an LGBT person can have faith, | 0:29:15 | 0:29:18 | |
but how they choose to live in that faith and practise it | 0:29:18 | 0:29:21 | |
is an extremely personal thing. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:24 | |
Does God really hate queers? | 0:29:24 | 0:29:26 | |
I don't think so. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:29 | |
# Comfortably numb. # | 0:29:29 | 0:29:31 |