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You know, when I started making this documentary and I heard the word | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
queer, I had an absolutely allergic reaction to the word. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
It brought me right back to the school playground, where bullies | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
used to use it over and over to cause me humiliation and to hurt me. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:14 | |
And I guess even today I still have a degree of queer fear. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:19 | |
What does it really mean to be queer | 0:00:19 | 0:00:20 | |
in Britain and are we having a queer revolution? | 0:00:20 | 0:00:25 | |
To me, there is a bit of a | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
homophobic connotation behind the word queer. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
It's not very nice, I think. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
-Shut up, you queer! -I'm not sure how I feel about it. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
I've personally had the word used against me numerous times. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
It's nice to be able to own it now. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
Queer. That's a good word. Queer is a very good word. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Queer to me is power. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
-Yeah. -Queer means power. Because we have taken this word that was | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
derogatory and hateful and now it means, like, love, community... | 0:00:48 | 0:00:54 | |
"Oh, yeah, I'm queer. You wish you were." | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
I'm on my way to meet some performers who are bringing queer | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
centre stage at the now iconic Sink The Pink club night. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:31 | |
I have wanted to go to Sink The Pink for the longest time. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
Tonight, the rule book goes out the window. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:39 | |
We're all going to be a little bit queer. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Do you know what's incredible about that? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
All of those people on that stage were once the loser kid in school. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
The weird kid that was outcast, and now look at them all together. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:11 | |
We're now cool. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
I wanted to find out more about how this club | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
and its performers have embraced queer. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
I like to say that I'm queer gender fluid. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
Like, if it's on a spectrum, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:28 | |
with men on this side and women on this side, and then there's | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
everything in between, I'm just kind of running back and forth. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
All day long. Every day. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
What does queer mean to you? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
I think of queer as the entire umbrella of people that don't fall | 0:02:39 | 0:02:43 | |
into the everyday hetero man and woman ideals. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:48 | |
-Sure. -Queer can also be the dorks and weirdos that got made fun of. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
A lot of the time that was because you were gay or lesbian or bisexual | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
or trans, but it also could have | 0:02:55 | 0:02:56 | |
just been because you were the weird kid. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
You were weird and you liked things that other kids didn't like. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
It's not a membership scheme. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
Some get in and some don't get in. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
-It's like... -Anyone that feels queer is queer. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Anyone that can | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
have solidarity and support the rest of the queer community, | 0:03:10 | 0:03:14 | |
is a fellow queer. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
It's just blown my mind. It's blown my mind. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
This is like an adult playground. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
There's even a dog over there dressed up! | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
It feels like my first Pride all over again, | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
when I was 17 years old and dressing up to go out and experience my | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
community for the first time. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
If there's a queer revolution happening in Britain, | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
then what's it all about? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Trans queer writer Shon agreed to meet me to explain the movement. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:55 | |
When I first saw the Q at the end of LGBT, | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
I'll be honest with you, | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
I was a bit, not repulsed, but I was taken aback by it. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
I thought, "What is that doing there | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
"and who give you permission to put it there?" | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
I didn't understand it and I didn't want to understand it, | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
because for me it was just about being dragged back, | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
kicking and screaming to the playground, | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
where those boys were above me calling me that thing. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Queer is about reclaiming something that maybe the mainstream gay rights | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
movement left behind as gay rights became more mainstream, | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
you have gay marriage, | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
which obviously is about importing a very heterosexual idea. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
Queer has picked up people that feel left behind by that in some way. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:36 | |
I think queer as well is about maybe | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
being a bit more ambiguous about gender. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
It's something that younger people are identifying with more and more. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
-Do you think anyone, then, can be a little bit queer? -Yeah. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
16-24-year-olds, I think a survey was done | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
that half of them say they're not entirely straight. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
What do you think has led these kids to identify with queer more and more | 0:04:53 | 0:04:57 | |
-as time goes on? -I think it's just because inherently there is the idea | 0:04:57 | 0:05:02 | |
that actually sexuality is a spectrum. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
So, I mean, I encountered this in my own life as well, so, like, | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
the type of men that would be attracted to me | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
are not necessarily gay. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
A lot of straight-identified men are attracted to trans women. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
Queer actually admits everyone has a bit of spectrum, and actually, | 0:05:18 | 0:05:22 | |
bodies and gender aren't as integral | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
to your mind-set as people think they are. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:29 | |
For the older generation who don't quite get it, | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
if you had to put it in a short definition for them to understand, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
a bite-sized chunk, what would you say? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
It would be a stand-alone question mark. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
It's inherently questioning. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
So Q, sometimes people in LGBTQ, | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
they will say the Q stands for queer or questioning, and actually, | 0:05:43 | 0:05:47 | |
I think the two words are linked, because it's actually saying, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
"Maybe you're not so sure about this." | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
Queer, if you were going to sum it up, it would be, | 0:05:53 | 0:05:57 | |
"I don't know the answer, but why are you asking the question?" | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
When you're trans, it's not that you want a different body. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:12 | |
You just want your body to look the way that you feel inside. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:16 | |
It makes you question your entire identity, | 0:06:16 | 0:06:22 | |
so to be able to transition, | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
and feel more at home in your identity | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
is just the most liberating thing you can do. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
I identify as queer. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
I came out as lesbian, then a year later, | 0:06:37 | 0:06:41 | |
I discovered that I was trans. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
I went to a private doctor, and I was prescribed testosterone. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:50 | |
Chest surgery cost me £5,000. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
Please donate to a trans man in need. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
And this is me, holding up a sign, saying free my nipples. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:01 | |
I sold things, such as badges, wristbands. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
This is for trans boys. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
And fizzy jizz. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
These are my scars. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
They should fade, and become much less noticeable. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:20 | |
I'm really proud of my scars, though. I love my scars. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
Having the surgery has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
I 100% feel more myself know. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Sex education for transgender people is limited, if not non-existent. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
But one person who's talking queer sex is Nate, | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
who makes online videos about a | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
subject that most of us shy away from. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Today I'm going to be talking about masturbation for trans guys. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:50 | |
It is a little bit noisy. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
SQUISHING | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
When did you decide to set up this YouTube channel of yours? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
In the springtime, so I wanted to make it before I started hormones, | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
so that I had more of a full documentary of my transition. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
When you look back at videos, are you like, "Whoa!" | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
Yeah, I recently did a recap, like a six-month recap, and, yeah, | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
like, the physical changes shocked me, actually. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
I've had some quite significant muscle gain. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
Particularly in my shoulders and my arms | 0:08:19 | 0:08:23 | |
and my back. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
So these are all the comparison things, month by month, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
apart from five months. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
T is testosterone? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:32 | |
-Yeah. -What a difference! | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
So, like, surgery definitely made a difference. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
I do a video where I explain how for trans men, | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
once you start taking hormones, actually, the clitoris will grow. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:45 | |
-Wow. -But that information isn't really very widespread. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:49 | |
In fact, there are trans men who didn't even realise that that would | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
happen before they started going on hormones. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
Well, that would be a bit of a shock, wouldn't it? | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Looking down and all of a sudden, hello! | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
A lot of the times it's the first change, so, yeah. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
The first change? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:01 | |
It will grow up to about an inch, an inch and a half. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
When we were having a look at your channel there I saw one of the | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
videos was about trans masturbation. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
Mm-hm. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
That was a period just before I started T, | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
where I was just really struggling with this, | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
and I didn't know what to do with myself and | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
it just made me feel really shit. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
If you're trans, | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
and your anatomy doesn't match up with your gender in your head, | 0:09:20 | 0:09:24 | |
it can actually be something that's | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
quite triggering for gender dysphoria. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
OK. We often adjust our language, so for instance, | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
I would never refer to my anatomy as a clitoris. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
And trans men have quite varied terms. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:40 | |
What do you call yours? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
-Junk. -Junk? -Yeah. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Dick. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
How do you masturbate, do you mind me asking? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
There are things you can do to make it easier for you, | 0:09:50 | 0:09:55 | |
in terms of dysphoria. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
So sometimes I use products. I used toys and things | 0:09:57 | 0:10:02 | |
which can help me to make it feel more like a phallus. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
Oh, my goodness! | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Textured penis sleeves? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
-Mm-hm. -Seven pack. -Seven pack. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Does that mean you get seven wanks? | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
It means one for every day of the week. Variation. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
How do you masturbate with this? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
How does that improve the process for you? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
Well, having taken hormones, the clitoris, | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
or what I would call my junk, has grown. So | 0:10:27 | 0:10:32 | |
let's say that that's my junk, | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
and then you just pop it over the top. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
OK, just like this. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Sorry, is that weird? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:43 | |
-You've made me blush really bad. -I'm sorry. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
Now I've got an egg... | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Well, on the inside, it's ribbed. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
Oh, hello! And a cock ring. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
-Pop it on. -And then tighten it? | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Yeah. It will make it feel, and look, more like a penis, | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
which is what I'm trying to achieve. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
So this, and then this, and you're off to pleasure town. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
Mm-hm. Happy town. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
Fantastic. When you began masturbating in this new way, | 0:11:07 | 0:11:12 | |
did it make you feel more comfortable with your new body, | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
and your new identity? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
So this goes inside here, the pants are a bit better, | 0:11:21 | 0:11:26 | |
because if you have the whole harness kit it feels a bit feminine. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:31 | |
Ah, feminine. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
-This is quite blokey, I have to say. -There you go. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
So this is a packer, | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
and this is just something that I would wear day to day, in my pants. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:43 | |
Kind of like a prosthesis. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
-Does it make you feel more whole? -Yeah, it does. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
It's a really strange thing, | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
and I don't know if you weren't | 0:11:51 | 0:11:52 | |
trans whether it would really make sense, | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
but for me, it does feel validating, just in a really strange way. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
It makes sense to me. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
If you go for even a medium, it's that much longer. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-You're kidding? -And I've had a friend who said that it was so long | 0:12:04 | 0:12:08 | |
that if he sort of packed it down, | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
it reached round and touched the rim of his arsehole! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
So he couldn't wear it any more, and he had to get a small one. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
What I like about it is how realistic it is. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
Like, it's got a similar sort of movement. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
The balls are, you know, they're kind of heavy. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
I also have one for weeing. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:26 | |
Essentially, this is just a luxury she wee. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
It was made by a trans man, | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
because he recognised that there | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
weren't that many products out there, | 0:12:34 | 0:12:35 | |
there weren't that many good products, | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
because they weren't being made by people who are trans. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
Same thing with the masturbation products. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
They're not made by or for people who are trans. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
So you have to improvise constantly. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
-Yeah. -With things that aren't made for you. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
Exactly, and that's why I made the videos. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
It was meant to be educational for people. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:56 | |
My eyes have been opened! | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
-I'm sure they have. -They really, really have! | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
It's unbelievable the things that | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
people have come up with to just make it that bit easier. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:08 | |
But why do we need an umbrella term? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
-Oh, my Lord have mercy. -Oh... | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
I've never seen all of that extra-terrestrial stuff. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
It looks like an award. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:21 | |
LGBTTQQIAAP? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:24 | |
OK, do you want me to try... | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender... | 0:13:27 | 0:13:32 | |
One of the Ts is transgender. I'm guessing the other T... | 0:13:32 | 0:13:36 | |
I didn't know there were two Ts. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
Transsexual? | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Q... | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
One of the Qs has got to be queer, right? Um... | 0:13:44 | 0:13:49 | |
Questioning? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
-Questioning? -Is that a thing? | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
Yeah, apparently. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
I, why is I there? | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
I don't know what the I is? | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
-Indifferent? -Intersex. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
Intersex, asexual... | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
-Agender? -Agender? | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
-Is that right? -Or... | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
-Ally! -Ally! | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
I don't know the P. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
-Pansexual. -Dammit, I'm pan! | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
Pansexual, there we go. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
-There's a lot to remember. -Were we right? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
Yeah, that confuses me. I imagine someone who doesn't | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
identify as any of them might be | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
somewhat confused by what that all means. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
I've come to Norwich to sit in on a group discussion to hear all about | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
what it's like to be gender non-binary in this society that, | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
for the most part, doesn't even know what that means. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
We're all assigned a gender at birth, based on our genitalia. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:01 | |
The gender binary classifies all people as one of two genders, | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
male or female. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
But if gender has a spectrum, | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
then non-binary describes anyone who doesn't identify | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
exclusively as one or the other. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
Hi, are you Katy Jon? | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
-Yeah, hi. -Nice to meet you. I'm Riyadh, how you doing? | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
-Brilliant, thank you. -So this is where it's all going down tonight? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
Yeah, hopefully. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
So how do you identify? | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
This day of the week... | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
It's a continual life history, really. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
I've identified as every letter of LGBTIQ, and A and P, | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
and several others besides. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
-All of them? -Oh, yeah, absolutely. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
-At some point. -Yeah. I've finally arrived at happiness, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
and that is utterly brilliant. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
-When did that happen? -Well, over the last couple of years. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
I had an op this year. I'd waited, kind of, eight years for that. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
Do you mind me asking which op you decided to go for? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:58 | |
Labiaplasty. Instead of having a new vagina created, | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
they basically take all the existing material that's there, | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
and they create an external appearance of the vagina, | 0:16:04 | 0:16:08 | |
but, basically, | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
below the clitoris I have no sexually functional working parts, | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
which pleases me, because it's just something I hated. I hated sex. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:18 | |
I tried a lot of it just in case, with men and women, just to see | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
which, if anything, I was. Again, I worked my way through the labels, | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
thinking that sexuality might be the answer. In the end, | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
I found that gender was more of the answer. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
What a life you have lived! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
So tell me about the group. What's going to go on tonight? | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
Well, we've got a group of about 50 or 60 people in the Norwich area, | 0:16:39 | 0:16:44 | |
who explicitly identify as non-binary, that we've met. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
A number of them have been asking over the last year, | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
"Can we actually have a face to face meet up?" | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
So this is the first opportunity for some of those people to meet. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
It's going to be a very special night. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
This is a safe space for them, isn't it? | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
That's actually quite significant. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:00 | |
By actually listening to each other, | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
we'll realise how much diversity and variety there is in a group of | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
people who identify as non-binary. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
Yeah, like, what sort of age range are we thinking they'll be tonight? | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
What's the highest, lowest? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
16, to me. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
-Oh, right, OK. -Do you mind me asking what you are? | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
I identify as 28... | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
But currently, I'm 49. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
That is so funny. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
So, yeah, if you'd just like to give | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
as a name, gender identity, pronoun, | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
and an age, if you want to. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
I'm Anna. I identify as non-binary, | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
but I'm kind of using it more umbrella, because words are hard. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
I'm Charlotte. I'm gender queer, | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
22 years old, and my pronouns are they and them. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
I'm Harry. I'm a non-binary, trans masculine person. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:50 | |
I'm Liz. I use, kind of, non-binary, but sometimes gender queer, | 0:17:50 | 0:17:56 | |
or gender fluid feels more representative. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
Again, I use bisexual to describe my sexuality. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
I'm Sarah. I'm intersex, and identify my gender as non-binary. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:06 | |
And any pronouns are fine. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
My name is Riyadh, I'm a gay cis-gender male, | 0:18:09 | 0:18:13 | |
and I use the pronouns he and him. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
And I am really, really excited to be here, | 0:18:17 | 0:18:21 | |
because I feel like my education in non-binary issues | 0:18:21 | 0:18:26 | |
and queer culture is at a very junior level. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
Do you think some people, they don't want to be educated, | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
and they sort of like repel it? | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
And they turn you away? | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
I think some people will be scared of it. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
And, kind of, like, uncomfortable. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
But I think there's going to be an element of, | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
"What's that got to do with me?" | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
Sometimes that is ignorance in itself, | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
but that's also the nature of the beast of what it means to be human. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
If I said, you have the privilege of being able to use the bathroom | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
without being worried someone's going to attack you... | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
I'm not saying it's your fault that I'm afraid to use the bathroom. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:01 | |
I'm saying something you haven't thought about, | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
that I have to think about everyday is that using the bathroom can be | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
flipping terrifying. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:08 | |
I've been confronted, and told, "Oh, you're in the wrong toilet." | 0:19:08 | 0:19:12 | |
Or, "Why are you in here? Get out." | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
-How did that make you feel, though? -It made me feel a bit intimidated, | 0:19:14 | 0:19:19 | |
I suppose. But at this point, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
I've been experiencing that sort of | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
thing for so many years that it just, sort of... | 0:19:24 | 0:19:28 | |
It brushes off quite easily. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
I find it interesting, how much even us, as a group of non-binary people, | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
we get down to discuss the big | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
things about non-binary and we spend half the | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
time talking about toilets. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
Because it just ends up being the obsession of society as well. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
Tonight's discussion was such an eye-opener. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
There just seems to be a real lack of understanding when it comes to | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
gender. For some people, | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
it doesn't come down to something as simple as whether they're male, | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
female, or for that reason, even trans. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
But it's small meetings like that that are educating people like me, | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
and making others who are in a | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
minority like gender non-binary feel that they have somewhere to go, | 0:20:04 | 0:20:09 | |
that they have friends, and that they're not on their own. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
Queer just sort of sums it all up, | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
and you don't have to keep adding | 0:20:14 | 0:20:15 | |
more letters to the ever-growing acronym. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:19 | |
It's a massive umbrella of different | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
identities that people would identify as. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
So, like, it goes from trans-male, | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
all the way down to non-binary. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
I feel like it's probably the one word that describes me the best. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
It's just everyone, really. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
I'd never thought of gender beyond the standard male, | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
female binary before, | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
but this whole spectrum of identities exist. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
At the non-binary discussion group, | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
I was introduced to an altogether new label, | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
and I'm intrigued to learn more. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
When I was younger, | 0:20:59 | 0:21:00 | |
I always felt this sense of being outside of either the boys, | 0:21:00 | 0:21:06 | |
or the girls. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:07 | |
When I was about 13, that's when it really clicked with me, | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
that there was something different about me, | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
and that I wasn't like the girls in my class. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:27 | |
I remember looking at myself in the mirror, and just thinking, | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
"There's something different here. There's something not right. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
"And I don't know what that is." | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
Intersex means that somebody is not completely male, | 0:21:38 | 0:21:43 | |
or not completely female in terms of chromosomes, hormones, | 0:21:43 | 0:21:48 | |
or in terms of genitals. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
I identify myself as non-binary now, and I don't feel male, | 0:21:52 | 0:21:56 | |
I don't feel female, sometimes I feel somewhere in the middle. | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
-Hey, Sarah. -Hiya. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
-Nice to meet you again. -Nice to see you again. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
-Can I come in? -Of course, come on. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
It's freezing out there. Cheers, thank you. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
I think, for me, I didn't really ever think of anything beyond male, | 0:22:30 | 0:22:35 | |
female, trans, until very recently, | 0:22:35 | 0:22:39 | |
when I started to realise, you know, | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
what queer meant, and what non-binary meant. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
And even though I understood that people identified as it, | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
I didn't actually respect it until I started to meet non-binary people. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:50 | |
-Do you get that a lot? -I think sometimes people do, because, | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
like you said, they never think about the gender spectrum. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
They've never got any reason to question it themselves. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
So when they meet somebody who falls elsewhere on the gender | 0:22:59 | 0:23:04 | |
spectrum they just go, "OK, I've never thought about this before," | 0:23:04 | 0:23:08 | |
and perhaps dismissed people like that. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
When did you find out you were intersex? | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
I found out I was intersex when I was 19 years old. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:18 | |
I have X Y chromosomes, | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
which is what you'd normally expect a biological male to have. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:25 | |
Internally, I've never had a uterus or ovaries, but instead, | 0:23:25 | 0:23:29 | |
I did have internal testes that were undescended. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:34 | |
And you have a vagina? | 0:23:34 | 0:23:35 | |
-Yes, I do. -So, naturally, at birth, | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
the doctors and your parents are going to say, | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
"It's a girl! Congratulations!" | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
And there was no reason to question it. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
After you got the news, what was the reaction that you had inside, | 0:23:45 | 0:23:49 | |
-what was going through your head? -Partly shock, | 0:23:49 | 0:23:53 | |
but partly a bit of relief, because it gave me an answer to why | 0:23:53 | 0:23:57 | |
my body hadn't developed the same as what other people at school did. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:02 | |
What was the difference in puberty? | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
For me, the main difference was that when people were supposed to be | 0:24:05 | 0:24:09 | |
developing in the breast area, | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
and developing body hair and things like that, | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
that just didn't happen to the same level for me. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
And also, the big thing was never having periods. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:23 | |
So you're always taught, | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
right from being in primary school | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
that girls have periods when they get to a certain age. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
And that never happened. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
Cute child, weren't you? Cute, cute, cute! | 0:24:33 | 0:24:37 | |
-If you say so. -I'd say you were a little demon, though. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
What was it like in school? | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
The main things that I remember were being called a pervert or dyke, | 0:24:44 | 0:24:50 | |
or just being told I was trying to get attention for myself by lying. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:55 | |
I felt very ostracised and alone. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
I wasn't out to my parents until I was 19, | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
so I didn't dare tell my teachers in case, what if they told my parents? | 0:25:08 | 0:25:11 | |
What if... | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
It just made people bully me more, because I'd told a teacher about it? | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
I just put up with it. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
It's so mad to hear a story so similar to mine. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:26 | |
I went through so many years of | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
bullying in primary and secondary school, | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
and kept it all in because of the same reasons. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
Terrified that it would get home, and that, you know, | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
my big dark secret would be revealed. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
When the doctor told you, you know, | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
the ins and outs of what it meant to be intersex, | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
that meant that you couldn't have kids. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
When I got to be about 21...20, 21, | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
I actually started to get quite | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
depressed about the fact that I couldn't have children. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
And my brain started going through all these scenarios where, you know, | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
"I really want children, I can't have children. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
"Do I adopt kids and have a family that way, or what?" | 0:26:05 | 0:26:12 | |
That did depress me | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
quite a lot, because I didn't have the option there. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:19 | |
I had to take quite a lot of time off university, | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
and I went through a period of self-harming. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
And that was to do with not being able to have kids, | 0:26:26 | 0:26:31 | |
but that was also compounded by pressures of university, | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
and other pressures throughout my life, and also | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
I was still working through a lot of things to do with gender identity. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:41 | |
That didn't help. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
And that was probably my darkest time. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
When you were self-harming, what was the motivation? | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
What were the thoughts that were | 0:26:49 | 0:26:50 | |
going through your head as you were doing it? | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
The main thing I remember is that because I used to cut myself, | 0:26:54 | 0:26:58 | |
when I cut myself it felt like I was relieving some of the pressure that | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
was in my brain, essentially. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
Like a balloon ready to pop? | 0:27:04 | 0:27:05 | |
Yeah, something like that. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
It was like, | 0:27:07 | 0:27:09 | |
you've got a pressure cooker that's getting ready to explode, | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
but if you release some of the pressure, | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
then you're not as much of a risk. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
So I'd cut myself, and it would feel a bit better. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:21 | |
And also, I think my sense of self-worth | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
had really taken a beating. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
And so | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
that was another motivation behind the self harm. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:32 | |
It was some sort of coping mechanism that I was using. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
You felt worthless. Why? | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
Because I was different. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
And although I'm very proud to be who I am, | 0:27:46 | 0:27:53 | |
sometimes being so different and so isolated | 0:27:53 | 0:27:57 | |
can be a very difficult place to be. | 0:27:57 | 0:28:00 | |
Hearing Sarah's story really got to me, | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
because although it's extremely sad, she's not the only one. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
There are hundreds, | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
if not thousands of young people | 0:28:16 | 0:28:17 | |
like her who are going through the exact same battle, | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
and who are forced to a point of self-harm | 0:28:19 | 0:28:22 | |
and potentially suicide, not because of who they are, | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
not because of how they feel about themselves, | 0:28:25 | 0:28:28 | |
because of how society makes them feel. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:30 | |
Because they are a little bit different. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:32 | |
And I know it's dramatic to say that | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
her label of non-binary and intersex saved her life, | 0:28:34 | 0:28:41 | |
but I think it was one of the | 0:28:41 | 0:28:42 | |
factors that made her feel more comfortable | 0:28:42 | 0:28:45 | |
in who she is, and to validate who she is. | 0:28:45 | 0:28:48 | |
It's crazy what the power of words can be. | 0:28:50 | 0:28:52 | |
Wait until you see what I have in this bag of tricks! | 0:29:15 | 0:29:19 | |
It's going to blow your mind. | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
I guess, like, if I was going to a normal, like, a mainstream gay club, | 0:29:22 | 0:29:27 | |
this is pretty much what I would wear. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
But getting the ability to | 0:29:30 | 0:29:33 | |
just go a bit crazy tonight, it's really, really exciting me, | 0:29:33 | 0:29:37 | |
and knowing that there's no judgment, no fear, and, | 0:29:37 | 0:29:42 | |
you know, the camper the better! | 0:29:42 | 0:29:45 | |
Do you want a little hint? | 0:29:45 | 0:29:47 | |
Hm-hm-hm! | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
What do you think? | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
I love it. | 0:29:58 | 0:29:59 | |
For a rookie, I think I've done kind of well. | 0:30:08 | 0:30:11 | |
All those years of sitting on Mum's | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
bed watching her do herself up paid off. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:16 | |
Thanks, Mum. | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
Glyn, Aimee, did you guys found Sink The Pink? | 0:30:25 | 0:30:28 | |
We just started it as a reaction to what we didn't have, | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
and what we needed. We really wanted to create... | 0:30:31 | 0:30:35 | |
To celebrate individuals, and being as ridiculous and silly as possible. | 0:30:35 | 0:30:39 | |
Did you realise how much of an influence it was going to have on | 0:30:44 | 0:30:46 | |
the community with regard to | 0:30:46 | 0:30:48 | |
openness, freedom, and this queer movement? | 0:30:48 | 0:30:50 | |
I don't think we could have ever imagined that we would be so much at | 0:30:50 | 0:30:53 | |
the front of the, kind of, crest of the wave. | 0:30:53 | 0:30:55 | |
No, you can't plan this. | 0:30:55 | 0:30:57 | |
All of a sudden, we've got this voice now. | 0:30:57 | 0:30:59 | |
I always say we're the broken biscuits in the box. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:06 | |
We're all the kids that didn't really fit in anywhere, | 0:31:06 | 0:31:08 | |
and the power in that is coming | 0:31:08 | 0:31:10 | |
together and it being magical and united. | 0:31:10 | 0:31:13 | |
People often say that when they come to Sink The Pink, | 0:31:17 | 0:31:19 | |
it feels quite scary, but then when they get in it's like | 0:31:19 | 0:31:21 | |
losing their virginity, within the second time, they're like, | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
"Yeah, baby! Ride it!" | 0:31:24 | 0:31:26 | |
What an absolutely incredible night. | 0:31:36 | 0:31:40 | |
You know, being in there and dancing | 0:31:40 | 0:31:42 | |
and being free and looking and acting exactly how you want to, | 0:31:42 | 0:31:46 | |
surrounded by other people who are doing the same thing. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:49 | |
It's just an incredible feeling. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:51 | |
When I started this project, I didn't realise how little I knew | 0:31:53 | 0:31:56 | |
about the struggles people in our community face. | 0:31:56 | 0:32:00 | |
But in the search for identity, validation and acceptance, | 0:32:00 | 0:32:04 | |
we find ourselves surrounded by | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
amazing people with incredible stories. | 0:32:07 | 0:32:10 | |
I think, as a community, we need to come together, | 0:32:21 | 0:32:23 | |
and realise that the LGB can support the T and the Q, | 0:32:23 | 0:32:27 | |
and everything else. | 0:32:27 | 0:32:30 | |
And maybe this Q is a neat umbrella term that leaves no-one out. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:36 | |
We're all accepted. | 0:32:38 | 0:32:40 |