Muslim Strictly Soulmates

Finding a partner is tough at the best of times.

How am I around women?

I don't know - they don't hang around enough for me to find out.

If you're young, single and religious,

it's a whole other ball game.

No sex before marriage.

If you could meet your ideal Jewish person, what would it be?

-Full head of hair.

-Excellent.

There's pressure to get married,

especially when you're going to your last best friend's wedding.

Tonight, we're following three Muslim singletons

on their journey to find The One.

Are you looking for Angelina Jolie in a scarf?

No, they'll run a mile when the see the beard.

We'll find out what happens when you're looking for a wife

when you've barely even spoken to a girl before.

Islam demands that you have to get married

and the older you are, the harder it gets.

And when you have left it really late...

I actually did think I'd be married by now, at least once.

Should you still hold out for Mr Perfect?

I've got re-think what my father would have wanted for me.

And if an arranged marriage is on the cards...

It's like Blind Date, I guess, but your mum is Cilla Black.

How can you be sure he's the right one?

I wish I knew how I felt but I don't.

I think you're supposed to know, but I really don't.

Zubair is a 23-year-old practising Muslim

who is studying Engineering at Manchester Uni.

The prophet advised the Muslims to keep the beard

about the length that I've got,

so when you cover it with a fist it should fit in there.

He may be serious about his religion but he's not about himself.

Hello.

Very nice of you to let me into your country.

Living with Zubair, what comes to mind? Annoying.

Hard, difficult, but most important of all is fun.

He's a great guy, he's a great guy.

A mate of mine once said, "Zubair, it must be very hard

"for you to buy one-way flights nowadays."

LAUGHTER

Zubair's just graduated

and is planning to move to Pakistan in five months

so he can put his degree to good use.

Maybe I'm naive thinking this,

but I do want to go back and at least try to help rebuild

and give back to Pakistan.

As a strict Muslim, it's his religious duty to now find a wife.

He'd like to find someone in the UK, but he hasn't got long.

I pray to Allah for a lot of things.

One of the more immediate goals is to find a match quick-time.

And there's one other problem -

he has no experience of women whatsoever.

He wouldn't be able to pull a girl, even if he was pushing.

How would I describe the way I am around women?

I don't know - they don't hang around long enough for me to find out.

Hello, how are you, Zubair? Have a seat.

As a traditional Muslim, Zubair's never even been out with a girl.

So if he's ever going to find a wife, he needs some help.

OK, so you've never had a single girl you've sat down with,

-and you've spoken to.

-No, I've never spoken to a woman like that.

Today, he's meeting Mizan, who runs a Muslim marriage agency.

When you do arrange a meeting, these are some tips.

OK.

If you're going to check out the girl, don't gawk at her,

just say, "Yeah, you're good looking." Beauty is important.

I mean, sometimes people think religious people

or those who are very conservative and practise,

beauty's not important. How much of a factor is beauty?

No, whether you like it or not, people are silly to say that.

I mean, are you looking for an Angelina Jolie in a scarf?

No, no, I'm never going to get one of them,

they're going to run a mile when they see the beard.

Dress to impress.

The man should look serious, I mean, you don't have to wear a suit,

something smart casual.

OK, smell good, dress up, look the part.

When you're in a meeting, be specific, get to the point.

Don't waffle when you talk, don't lie, just ask the basic questions.

OK.

Remember men from Mars, women from Venus,

there's a lot of truth in that, Muslim or not Muslim,

there's a lot of truth in that,

and Muslim women are no different from any other women.

-OK, man. Asalamu alaykum.

-Alaykum salam.

What he was giving me in terms of advice, not just how to present yourself.

But also the actual formality of two people meeting each other.

And plus it was almost like he was giving me some sort of dating tips.

Like, "When you go in there,

"be a gentleman, pay the bill," things like that.

Islamically, we can't really go down to the pub,

we can't go to a club to meet people.

Even if we did, they won't really be Muslim.

In the Qu'ran, it actually, specifically states

that men and women aren't even to be in the same room,

that's how much there is that, sort of, difference.

What Islam says is, yes, you meet people, but don't go any further.

Don't develop a physical relationship.

You can't just go up to a chick and say, "Excuse me, darling,

"can I get your father's number, because I want to ask him

"if I can talk to you about marriage." Mental, people, mental.

31-year-old Tabassum, or Dimpy, is a doctor

and lives at home with her family in Hertfordshire.

Everyone calls me "Dimpy" at home, short for "Dimples".

I used to have them but now they are gone because of the fat.

I have a very strong faith in Allah,

yet I may not be a very strong practising Muslim.

I try to pray when I can.

Dimpy has always wanted to marry a doctor,

and over the past ten years, she's turned down over 60 men

who haven't measured up.

Doctors in the Pakistani community are at the top of the food chain.

So, if I was to marry someone who was not a doctor,

I don't think I would be comfortable with that.

We've had numerous, multiple proposals over the years

but she'll take one look at him then she'll dismiss it.

Dimpy's dad wanted her to marry a doctor too.

He died three years ago

and now she's more determined than ever to find the right sort of man.

I always look for a guy who my father would approve of

and that's very important for me.

She's trying to follow a list of expectations

that she has imbibed from her father

and obviously she's very attached to him, she loves him, we all do.

I miss him, I really miss him.

Most Muslim girls get married young so at the ripe old age of 31,

Dimpy really needs to get her skates on.

Even the nurses at work get worried about me settling down.

They are constantly on the lookout for someone.

Today she's visiting her Aunt Nabeela.

Since Dimpy's dad died, Nabeela's been trying to find her a husband

but Dimpy's not making it easy.

Somebody with all the qualities you want

is very difficult to find, Dimpy.

This person is not tall enough for me, he's not handsome enough for me,

he's not professional enough. These things come so low in marriage priorities.

Getting married is a very serious matter.

I get palpitations, when I see somebody

and I just instantly know that this is not going to happen,

I start thinking "This is for the rest of my life, I can't..."

I want to get out of there as soon as possible.

That is exactly what I'm saying,

don't set standards that high that are difficult to find.

So hard.

It is hard, but then you have to go for it.

Naila is a traditional Muslim accountancy student from London.

Although she loves taking risks in her free time,

when it comes to finding a husband

she wants to do everything strictly by the book,

and have an arranged marriage.

We plan everything else in life, this sounds crazy

but why would you leave love to chance?

Muslim girls aren't for rent, you know, you've got to buy.

Naila's the eldest girl in the family.

Now, she's 22, it's time to find her a husband.

Arranged marriage is, especially if your mum's arranging it,

it's like Blind date, I guess, but your mum's Cilla Black.

Although her mum's arranging her marriage,

Naila is allowed to say if she doesn't like someone.

She's trusting me, so I have to fulfil my responsibility.

She's like the first hurdle,

so, it means if she feels that somebody is suitable

then I have the opportunity to make my own mind up.

It's been a few weeks since Naila's mum began the search for a husband.

A family friend has given her the number of a possible match.

If he's going to get a meeting with Naila,

he needs to impress her mum on the phone first.

It's just literally a stranger's number,

so she'd speak to them and get to know what they're about, really.

If she feels that, that's somebody that could belong in this family.

Did you have a gut feeling?

Yes, my concern is he hasn't got education.

So, for you, education is...

Would you like to live with a person

who is working in a Cash-and-Carry till?

Don't be horrible like that.

That's fine for him if he's hard-working.

You are dissing someone!

Well, it's up to you, you want to live your life,

you haven't got any experience of life

that's why you're laughing and making jokes on it.

I'm your mother and I know your personality.

If I say "yes" and things go further on,

you will be the one who turns round and says,

"Mum, you have done this to me." So, yeah.

All right, yeah, fair enough. Point taken.

-Mums always know better.

-Yes.

I've got a proposal - the auntie has sent me the guy's CV.

If Dimpy's going to find a husband her dad would have approved of,

she needs to step up her search.

Recently she's seen a matchmaker.

She's e-mailed Dimpy the profile of a possible husband

and he wants to meet her.

-You've got a CV as well?

-I've got a CV.

Is that the new way? It's like a job application.

It is. I think I deserve a CV.

She may be a modern Muslim woman,

but when it comes to finding someone,

her brother and cousin have to check them out first.

They do the screening

because they feel that they have got to answer to my father

and that's what scares them.

Every time there is a marriage proposal they get excited,

they say this is the one, you're getting married - you're old.

Dimpy's brother and cousin have already had to check out over 20 men

since her dad died.

-He seems quite professional.

-He's educated.

No, he's only got a bachelor's.

Yeah, but he's educated, he's got 11 years of proven banking experience.

Here's a picture of him. OK, don't laugh, yeah?

All right, look, he's not particularly...

..I wouldn't say he's good-looking.

Like...

I still think... He...he...

Right, I'll tell you one thing,

physical attraction has to be your thing,

I don't give a... I don't really care what he looks like.

She's got bad taste.

He's attractive in terms of his education and his experience.

Not really, I'd prefer a doctor, you know that.

Yes, but, I was going to say, beggars can't be choosers,

but that's a bit...

I think we should give him a shot.

I think we are giving him a shot.

I said, yes, I'd meet him, I just thought I'd OK it by you guys.

Good.

Another thing that came up from one of the brothers

is that she should be a good wife, and be able to cook and clean.

While her mum's on the case looking for a husband,

Naila's come to the local mosque

for a workshop on what makes a successful Muslim relationship.

These are all answers from some of the brothers.

"Someone with a beautiful face, and good at fulfilling my needs

"and be fruity."

And be fruity? What does that mean?

Who said fruity?

Does that mean being able to make, like, a good fruit punch,

or something?

Being fruity, that's from the men,

it didn't come up a lot but it came up anyway.

"Or shows obedience and has no deficiencies.

"Wears good clothing and smells nice."

These are women of paradise you're asking for. These are not...

You're asking for a woman that doesn't exist on this Earth.

Women and men enter a mosque separately

and inside, they aren't allowed to share the same space,

so Naila is listening to the workshop through a curtain.

The reason for the segregation

is because it is commanded upon us not to mix freely.

You don't have to be religious to appreciate

that you're in a place of worship

and you don't necessarily want to be distracted

by the opposite sex, for instance.

It's an obligation for the man to provide for his wife, her needs.

Because young, traditional Muslims aren't allowed to date,

they have no first-hand experience of how to behave in relationships.

For example, she's used to shopping at ASDA,

you want to shop at Lidl,

and you say, "OK, let's try Lidl."

You go to Lidl, she's not content, she says,

"Nah, it was all right, but it wasn't that good."

And the next week, she says, "Let's go shopping,"

you ask where you're going, she says, "ASDA," you can't say no.

You can't say, "We're not going ASDA, we're going Lidl."

Why? Cos that's what she was used to before she married you.

When you get married, you are going into partnership with your wife.

"Someone who is practising, down to earth, good sense of humour

"and must be pleasing to the eye." I think that's really politely put.

Back at home,

her best friend and sister are helping Naila check out potential husbands

suggested by the imam at the mosque.

-"Have to be good looking."

-That's not what Islam teaches.

I think the brothers just want people to know that if you...

if you've fallen off the ugly tree

and hit every branch on the way down,

perhaps this is not the brother to contact.

"Please describe your ideal match."

Cut to the chase.

Naila needs to add her profile to the mosque database.

Somebody who is open-minded, educated,

and I'd say, "quite laid-back," would you agree?

Humble, somebody who is humble and down to earth.

Because arrogance and someone with a bit of a temper

would be, like, my idea of an absolute nightmare.

Oh, and also, somebody who just keeps it real.

I think it's his lifestyle and culture is very different from ours.

It's been a few days since Dimpy was sent the details of the CV guy.

She's become friends with him on Facebook

and she's found out a bit more than she was expecting.

When I opened his Facebook,

he's with all these skimpy-dressed women at bars and clubs.

Fine, each to their own,

but lots of drinking, I mean,

he's having Bacardis shoved up his mouth while he's got a wine glass.

My brother was like, "This is not happening."

Because we're not that, like, liberal.

It's not about being open-minded,

it's just about what's acceptable within the boundaries of religion

and none of that, of that dude,

is acceptable by any means within the religion.

You didn't even want me to meet him.

No, there's no point, there's no point.

It's up to you, if that's the lifestyle you want.

Actually, this is a test for me

because up till now I've always wanted someone very open-minded

so I can breathe.

Now, I'm actually thinking

this is not the type of lifestyle that I want to lead.

So, it's really disappointing.

I speak to loads of girls who are my age and are not married at this point

and they are all going through the same turmoil

and I just feel this is never ending.

I know everyone says, "Why don't you compromise?" and do this and do that,

but I can't, I won't be happy with myself.

In this day,

and especially in this country

it's difficult to find the right match.

If somebody could draw a diagram for me that says,

if you see a nice woman

and you think she'd be worth talking to about marriage,

do one, two and three, I would do that in a heartbeat.

It's becoming a big comedy show, even the students at school

are like, "When are you going to find a wife, sir?"

If it's meant to happen, it will happen,

and if that princess is watching this programme,

then I'm very annoyed at you that you've been hiding for so long,

but we can talk about that after.

As part of his religious duty to find a wife,

Zubair has signed up for a Muslim marriage event.

It'll be the first one he's ever attended

and he has no idea what to expect.

I really don't want to go in the traditional jubbas,

the long Arabic cloak because that makes me seem really formal,

"Please, no jokes, make sure you're serious.

"Please, don't laugh around me."

But hopefully with this they know that,

"Even though he's got a beard,

"he's very Islamically inclined, he's a chilled-out sort of guy."

This event is not just the next step but probably the first step for me

because I've not been involved in the process at all.

Traditional Muslims don't go speed-dating

but they do go to organised events

where they can mix with members of the opposite sex.

The marriage event is taking place at a hotel in Manchester,

and is mostly attended by professionals in their mid-20s.

It will be the first time Zubair has ever

sat down with single Muslim women to talk about the subject of marriage.

What going through my mind at the moment?

I wonder if she's there?

I wonder if she's been waiting 23 years of her life,

for me to come in, not in shining armour, but hey,

I've got a pair of Skechers on -

hopefully that'll be good enough for her.

With 12 women to impress, Zubair wastes no time getting stuck in.

I teach in a madrasah,

I teach kids as well, I gave them a test on Friday

and I've got to mark them when I get home.

People get to know each other in groups

and if anyone takes your fancy, you can then ask for a one-on-one chat.

I'm fun and easy-going when I need to be,

I'm strict and hardcore when I need to be as well.

This is me,

I'd feel very uncomfortable if my wife was not wearing the hijab.

My only request is simply that the girl be Pakistani,

because I want to move back to Pakistan and work there.

Some people have put up profiles,

explain a little bit more about themselves

if they didn't get a chance to say it in the group meeting.

and from that I get to decide,

if I think that this person's an interesting person,

if I think we're compatible and do I want to know more about her.

And hopefully someone's doing the same for me.

I don't think so, but, hey!

At the event, Zubair appears to be the most traditional male there.

When you look at him and see the whole beard and everything,

you probably wouldn't think he was as...

Yeah, his personality and his looks don't really match.

But, yeah, when you actually chat to him, he's a really nice guy.

And yeah, he's really open-minded and he's really chilled out.

So, it was refreshing to meet someone like that.

Zubair may have made a good impression,

but he hasn't had much luck.

I would have been shocked if I got a one-to-one.

Most of the women were much older than me.

Well, not much older, three or four years, 27, 28, 29.

So, they're already set in their lifestyle,

they've already got a career going on, etc.

So, to ask them to change that just because of me,

and to go to another country

with a person that they've never met before.

Finding the perfect match for her daughter is proving tricky business

and Naila's mum has called in extra help.

So today, a Muslim matchmaker has come to visit.

-How old is Naila now?

-She's 22.

22! How tall is she? She looks tall to me.

-Yes, she's five-foot-six.

-Five-six, oh, God.

How far has she got to finish her degree yet?

There's still two years.

Two years, OK, so start looking now.

Yeah, it takes time, really, you know.

Some people have been registered with me for three years

but they're so fussy they can't find somebody yet.

There's always a spark, you know that you're going to love somebody.

The matchmaker's daughter had an arranged marriage three years ago.

There is a spark definitely there?

There definitely is a connection and a spark, you know?

Otherwise, you wouldn't get married in first place to that person.

For traditional Muslims,

even arranging a first meeting can take months.

Would you think Naila would like somebody to be on the same

sort of job side, an accountant, would you prefer?

I think it's important that they do understand each other.

You need to be very relaxed about it as well.

Not take it to heart if there is any rejection from each side.

Yeah, so if you see one person and you're like, "Nah, next person,"

"Nah, third one, mmm, maybe not."

"Fourth one, this is the one, this is the one!"

-then, "Nah" from the other side.

-Exactly.

Thank you so much, auntie, it's always a pleasure to see you.

'I'm just getting used to it, kind of thing.'

I've seen all my friends and family going through it

so you think you know what it's about.

But you really don't until it knocks on your door

and the process begins.

-OK, give my love to Mum.

-I will.

And if you need anything... we should get together.

-We need to get together.

-Exercise routes.

Absolutely, that would be good.

No new suitors have come through for Dimpy

since the CV guy fell through,

and she's still no closer to finding her ideal man.

You don't know any Muslim doctors, by any chance?

I don't, actually.

Do you know any Muslim guys anyway, single? Does Rikham?

-I can ask.

-Good girl.

-Cos you'd be a catch, right?

-You know it.

Why are you even asking?

Exactly, I know you, but on paper you'd even be, like, a catch.

Yeah, absolutely, just need to get the weight under control.

I know it's not superficial, but for me.

But it's not about what they think, you want them to accept you.

It's how you feel personally. If you feel better.

But the thing is, looks always count. That is the issue, you know it.

You know, when I'm thin, I always get more people...

Cos you're exuding confidence. You're happy with yourself.

-Very true.

-I can psychoanalyse you.

-See you soon, take care.

-Thank you.

I never thought of it actually.

I thought that I used to get more attention,

not that I don't get attention now from men...

Was because when I'm fit, I'm hugely fit.

I'm exuding a lot of confidence. Hm, that's right, actually.

I should have thought about that earlier.

Dimpy's mum has recently been taken ill

and has been in hospital for the past two weeks.

So for the first time ever, Dimpy's having to run the family home.

I don't know how to do this.

Especially using a dishwasher.

Mum had to actually tell me how to.. I had the mobile on,

there were so many dishes and... What is this bus doing?

And I didn't know what to do and my mum had to tell me,

"What are you going to do when you get married,

"you don't know anything."

Well, I'm sorry, it's actually her fault, she's not taught me anything.

I can't help it.

Everything is a mess on the tables when I come in the morning.

I have to put everything.

So, it's good practice for you.

-For what?

-For the future.

-For becoming a cleaner?

No, it's just good practice, you should know how to clean up.

She's getting a lot of practice, me and my friends,

I entertain and then she gets a lot of practice serving...

I hate it. What practice?

I'm sorry, but do you think I'm just going to be serving

and that's all my life is going to be about?

Now, at least you know how to.

See, there's a lot to learn but she's getting there slowly.

As the lead male in the family,

Dimpy's brother's under increasing pressure to see her married.

I'm made an extra conscious effort to push her to go to these events.

I get all these e-mails and forwards and stuff, you know,

this and that marriage events, Muslim marriage events and whatnot.

-I'm not going.

-OK.

Reason why she's probably thinking "I don't want to go",

like straight away, you heard that, then mum will be like,

"There's no harm in it."

Because they're desperate people, lots and lots of freshies

and desperate people from...

I completely disagree with that, how can you say they're desperate?

At the end of the day, everyone,

if you're actually looking for a life partner, which she is.

Well, not really, you're making me, forcing me to do that.

We're not forcing you, at the end of the day,

otherwise you wouldn't be here at 32, 31, whatever.

The point is, you have to be more open to these events, and she's not.

At these events you're more likely to find someone

-and that's why these events are so popular.

-No, but seriously,

if it's somewhere like in East London or something, I'm not going to go.

But if it was at some, like, good hotel or whatever.

Why? What difference?

I'm not going to meet the right type of person, I just know it.

Zubair's just leaving another marriage event.

He's had no luck here or anywhere else

and it's just two months before he leaves for Pakistan.

It was a lot bigger venue than the last one I went to

and still no-one was interested.

It sort of tells me that I'm doing something wrong.

Zubair suspects he's standing out at the events for the wrong reasons.

I'm always judged wherever I go.

How? Just because I've got this thing on my face, I've got a beard.

Immediately, people start having assumptions. "He's a bearded guy,

"he's a strict Muslim, he doesn't have any fun at all in life.

"You know, he doesn't go out much,

he doesn't socialise much, you know?"

You know, it's very upsetting

that people don't know you but they think they do.

I didn't get any closer to my goal at this particular event,

but that's not going to stop me,

I'm going to keep trying. You can never give up.

After several months of actively searching,

Naila's mum has finally found a man she wants Naila to meet.

It's big news for her two best friends.

What's he like? He's 27 and he's done, like, an IT degree.

I don't know what he looks like just yet.

You haven't seen a picture?

-Um, no.

-You have to see a picture.

It's not like he's just going to turn up on the wedding day,

I'll see him next weekend. You get a chance to listen to what he's like

rather than just look at a picture and go, "Urgh!"

Nearly half of all Muslims in the UK originally come from Pakistan.

And Naila's introduction is a British Pakistani from London.

So long as you don't feel under any sort of pressure to push

yourself to like him.

And not for yourself, because for your family.

No pressure and both parties know that when they come in,

because obviously, you're getting to know the person for the first time.

-It's quite exciting.

-It's really exciting for you, Naila.

Obviously, I'm a little bit anxious to see who is it,

do you know what I mean, it's a bit like, blind date.

It is exciting, but we'll have to see.

Oh, my God! This is so good!

THEY LAUGH

Today is Dimpy's 32nd birthday.

Dr Dimpy, that's so lovely!

Dimpy's been waiting for her perfect husband to come along,

for 10 years now.

To tell you the truth,

I just feel quite old today, actually.

I feel, gosh, 32 is huge.

I actually did think I would be married by now, I really did.

At least once!

-GIRLS LAUGH

-At least once!

Most Muslims get married before they're 25.

30 onwards is risky business.

If there's an unmarried woman and she's in her late 30s,

they're going to start asking questions.

My clientele who are women in their 30s or 40s,

I just can't find a spouse for them.

Obviously Asian timing, people are late...

Hopefully, it'll be a big turnout, we've got five already.

To try and find the right kind of man before it really is too late,

Dimpy is taking matters into her own hands.

This is funny!

She's the Social Secretary of the British Asian Medical Association,

so she's organised an event where doctors should be guaranteed.

-You are?

-I'm Sanjeda.

-Hi, Sanjeda, thank you so much for coming!

'It's a professional network so everyone can meet up'

in the professional setting

and if they like each other they can get together.

I think I saw you at the train station!

I actually said, "It's a doctor, shall we follow?"

It's filling up fast,

but they're all females and I need some more men.

I've invited a lot of men.

This can't be just a female-only event - it's just too wrong!

Thank you very much for coming!

Dimpy's friends would love the right man to be here for Dimpy

as even they are running out of options for her.

I'm trying hard to find her someone. Haven't done too well, so for.

Please come through.

I haven't found the perfect person for her yet.

I'm still looking, although at the moment,

I feel the people I've thought of aren't good enough.

Where are all the men?

There are all girls. There are only three men here.

This is like, I don't understand what's going on.

Please, welcome, please come through.

Hello.

I'm sorry, there were 30 people expected,

but there's half right now.

It looks full. Thank you all very much for coming.

Enjoy your meals

and look forward to many more evenings with lots more people,

so get the word out, please, and thank you.

There were only about four guys that came to the whole event.

Total turnout was about 25 people.

I'm so unlucky in love.

There's no-one here. I think I'm so unlucky.

Yes, it is, it's Naila.

-MAN ON PHONE:

-'When people go on their first date,

'everybody has this nervous panic, especially if it's a blind date.'

With her introduction only days away,

Naila's contacted a Muslim councillor called Marmoon.

He runs a course called Marry Mr Right,

and gives advice over the phone to young Muslims

preparing for marriage.

I feel like I'm constantly trying to make everything OK for everyone.

I think that comes from being the eldest sister, obviously.

Naila doesn't have to say "yes" to anyone she's not totally sure about

but it might not be easy to say "no".

I think it's the pressure of going into the meeting

and feeling like you won't like that person.

You will then find yourself in a situation

where you're going to have to pluck up the courage

to say "no" and it's dealing with that.

'You have literally nothing to worry about.'

My mum's sitting here going,

"That's it, put everything on Mum's shoulders."

'May Allah make it really easy for you

'and get you married to the ideal person for you.

'As soon as you're ready.'

As-Salamu Alaykum.

The reality of having to meet a potential husband face-to-face,

is beginning to sink in.

It highlighted that I'm in a much better position

than anybody going out there and meeting somebody one-to-one.

I don't have the pressures of, "What do I do if he's an ogre?"

You get the answer from inside you,

then it is more effective, rather than anybody else telling you.

It's a bit silly to think that you won't have to reject somebody.

At some point, you'll have to do that.

There's nothing wrong with preferring doctors, that's fine,

if you have a preference.

But, it should still mean that you're open to meeting people

from other vocations, other backgrounds.

Today, Dimpy's talking to her cousin and aunt

about her search for a man, but they're running out of patience.

If you're not keen on working after you're married,

what difference does it make whether he was a doctor or not?

-I don't know.

-You're not keen on working after you married?

-I don't want to.

-Why are you so obsessed with marrying a doctor?

Because then he can do what I was potentially meant to do.

Why not an investment banker or something?

Are there any investment bankers around?

So, we're now dropping this entire principle

that we've held on for 10 years to find a doctor?

I'd prefer a doctor, because my papa said he'd prefer a doctor.

You should broaden your search to go beyond just one profession.

Otherwise this could go on for ever. You've passed your sell-by date now.

Whatever we can get for you on eBay, Amazon, we'll take.

You know that's not going to happen.

Papa was very picky as well, was he not?

You've set your goals according to your father.

I want you to move on in life,

I want you to realise that Papa has gone

and you want to have somebody who's considerate, educated,

who can support you and who's understanding and loving

-and that's it.

-But Papa won't be happy.

Papa will be happy that once you're settled,

he'll be happy if you're happy.

You're right, no, you're right.

If you agree, you have to...

That's the thing, it's going to take me time.

It's a mindset that I've grown up with,

this is what Papa said, bang, bang, bang

and this is what I'm going to follow.

But you can't live in your papa's shadow any more.

You have to move on.

Parents are never there for ever,

they have to go and you have to move on.

I will do that.

It's very hard, but I can try.

This criteria that I have is just a sham.

It's not really what you need to look for, for a husband.

I guess I'm a bit scared to allow myself to like someone.

I'm just really scared that my father won't be happy.

I've got to rethink what my father would've wanted for me.

Since my dad's gone, I really miss him now,

now that I've spoken to my aunt.

I really miss him.

I feel like visiting him now.

I feel I need to see him.

-They just left the house.

-Oh.

After three months of endless phone calls,

today is Naila's first official introduction

since her mum started looking.

The guy she's meeting is five years older than her and he works in IT.

-What does she have to do?

-Do I have to tell you everything?

I heard something.

I don't know, I don't know how I'm feeling.

I'm kind of excited to see what they're all about,

but at the same time, I just feel...

I feel that there's a need to be very realistic and go into it.

I don't want to be all dreamy and feel like the prince has come!

It's not like that at all.

All his family are coming over for lunch,

and they're preparing kebabs and biryani.

I think they'll have their Sunday shoes on

because you don't want to offend anybody.

At the same time, Mum refuses to go all out,

just because it's kind of putting on a show.

Traditional introductions between Muslim families at home

are very private, so the meeting takes place behind closed doors.

What's you overall view of it?

Three hours later, the meeting is over

and Naila must decide if she wants to take things to the next stage.

He was all right. He had a beard.

He was like, ching-ching...

Um...and...yeah.

I'd say he's worthy of my sister.

He's good enough for my sister.

It just took one meeting for you to just say...

Obviously, there's more meetings but right now, he's OK.

He didn't speak very much

but you could see that he certainly had some wit.

I don't know what he thought of me. I was very quiet.

At least somebody thinks I'm quiet.

Obviously, after having the meeting and stuff,

I think they'll gather, not in a bad way,

but they'll gather what you're... not really like,

but what your personality is and what kind of person you are.

He was lovely and I would happily get to know them as family friends.

It's kind of now figuring out

whether I find myself fitting into that family.

We'll have some more meetings

and then maybe we can say "yes" or "no".

Not at this point.

I wish I knew how I felt, but I don't.

I think you're supposed to know, but I really don't.

We'll have to wait and see.

It's only two weeks until Zubair moves to Pakistan.

But finally, after months of searching for a wife,

he's had some good news.

A girl from the marriage service has requested a meeting.

This is the moment Zubair's been praying for.

This is the first time I've spoken face-to-face

with a women about marriage and it's peculiar, very peculiar.

I've never done it before.

Butterflies in the stomach, is that what they call it?

My name is Zubair, nice to meet you, sir.

Nice to meet you.

While Hasana waits in the corner, Zubair has to chat to her dad first.

So, what would you like to know about me?

It would be good if you introduced yourself

and tell us a little bit about yourself.

OK.

I was born and raised in this country for 14 years.

I used to live in Leicester.

I moved to Pakistan when I was about 14 years old.

-Parents?

-My parents are still in Lahore, sir.

Shall we get started?

I don't know.

OK, then. Um..

As-Salamu Alaykum.

Sorry, I didn't see you there. I was looking, where is she?

That's OK.

-How are you?

-I'm fine, thank you very much.

-Yourself?

-Hamdulillah, I'm well.

I'm Hasana, I'm 23. I work as an English teacher in south London.

I just graduated.

It may be Zubair's first time,

but Hasana has been looking for the last 18 months,

and she's had 20 meetings like this one already.

I like to keep myself busy.

-I like that too.

-That's good.

You mentioned you stay in Manchester.

Yes, I live in Manchester.

I live in the corner of Rusholme and Moss Side,

so if I want to relate to another Muslim, I'm, in Rusholme,

if I want to scare a white guy, I'm in Moss Side. It works all the time.

I don't know if you've any questions for me.

She said, hoping, hoping for some amusing questions.

What do you prefer in a guy, as well?

Somebody who's quite calm in terms of their personality.

Shall I go now?

That's the kind of person that I'm looking for.

All right, Pakistani origin?

-No, Indian.

-Have you ever been back home?

I've been once, when I was 16.

-I went to Pakistan once as well, actually.

-Oh, they let you in?

Hoping to remain in the UK or are you looking to go back?

I would like eventually to go to Pakistan, yes.

I do want to work in Pakistan.

What would you think about working in a different country?

The idea of doing charity work in itself, that's not an issue,

that's something that I would want to do.

It's just the idea of doing it in another country.

That would be a bit daunting.

I think I'm done with my questions, for now.

Jazakallah khair.

I guess we'll part ways and see where this takes us.

Thank you very much for your time.

Thank you very much for letting me speak with your daughter.

Thank you very much.

How do you open this door? There we go.

I think I'm going to call my parents and tell them I've met a girl

and I liked her.

I think the initial meetings are always very nerve-racking.

He came across quite confident, which is quite different.

Five, seven-ish.

I hope I was handsome enough for her as she was pretty enough for me.

That's a stupid way to put it. She looked very beautiful.

She was very beautiful.

She asked if I wanted to go back to Pakistan.

I basically said, "Yes."

She said, "I'm not sure if I want to leave my family."

I'll be considering all of the things that he said,

scrutinising them, if you will.

Then make a decision based on that.

Generally, in these circumstances,

it would be the girl that would dictate

whether she'd want another meeting or not.

It's definitely putting us girls in the driver's seat.

From the first meeting,

although you can't tell a lot, I liked her very much.

It would be nice to see her again.

I would like that, I would like that.

Let's see, how am I going to do this?

It's been three weeks since Dimpy's chat with her aunt and cousin,

and today, she's getting ready for the biggest trip of her life.

She's going on a pilgrimage to Mecca.

It's a chance to work out what she really wants.

I'm going for the Hajj.

It's a mandatory pilgrimage

that every Muslim has to make once in their lifetime.

I'm doing this because I do everything else

and I need that spiritual fix.

I just want to forget about marriage proposals, the fact that I'm 32.

I just want to chill.

I need this "me" time and I think this will be my "me" time.

I don't know if I've done it right but it's done. I think I look OK.

I think I've done quite well, actually. Very impressed with myself.

I just need to sort it out in my head to see what I really want.

Do I really want to get married in the first place?

That's another thing. Do I really want to get married? I don't know.

Zubair is leaving for Pakistan tonight

and time's almost run out for Hasana

to decide if Zubair's right for her, or not.

As-Salamu Alaykum.

Yes?

Mizan, from the marriage service, has the answer.

Masha Allah.

No, we did click very well

but because she's got her own thing going on here,

she obviously doesn't want to leave the UK.

Hasana doesn't want to see Zubair again if he is moving to Pakistan.

Me going to Pakistan is a dream that's never going to change.

I'm literally packing my bag now, I'm leaving today.

I don't know how much more flexible I can be.

That's my dream and I'm not giving up on it.

Take care, sir.

The UK search, I believe, is over for me.

I might as well go back to Pakistan. Finding a partner is never easy.

It's a difficult search. My criteria is even harder.

Success was never in my hands anyway.

If you're a Muslim, if you believe in God, you believe that.

You believe you try and God rewards the effort.

So, Zubair is heading to Pakistan

with the hope that his search for a wife

will be more successful over there.

I know it's going to be hard but then I'll remind myself,

nothing in life is supposed to be easy.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

So get back up and keep fighting.

Since her introduction with the potential husband,

Naila's been thinking long and hard

about whether to take things to the next stage

and meet him again.

After you've been introduced to somebody, you have to pray.

It's literally you asking Allah, asking God to guide you.

If something is good for you, let it happen.

If it isn't, move away from it and replace it with something better.

After having done that and praying to God...

really giving it some thought, I decided that it wasn't the one,

that wasn't the family that was going to be the one.

I think we've had different upbringings

and obviously I've been born and raised here

and he's been raised in Pakistan.

We wouldn't be on the same level in terms of how we connect,

so I think in that sense, it didn't quite feel right.

But luckily for Naila,

there are more possible matches on the horizon.

There's a Muslim forum online,

where my mum's seen some profiles that a sister has put up

regarding some practising brothers who're looking to settle down.

I think there's three profiles on there that she quite likes.

Hopefully, it won't be too many different families,

hopefully it won't get to that, but, you know...

Six months, a year down the line.

Looking forward to finding somebody to settle down with.

We say, you know, peace and tranquillity, to create that environment within your home.

There's nothing more beautiful than that.

Dimpy's back from Mecca and it was an emotional trip.

I was crying like a baby, I was screaming

and I didn't care whoever was looking,

because I was talking to my Allah.

I feel so much better after that.

Three and a half years of emotions stuck were all released.

It was superb and that's why I'm at peace with myself.

Finally, she's putting the past behind her.

You know, when I find the right person, it'll just happen.

He'll probably end up being the ugliest,

non-doctor there is around.

For the first time in 10 years, she's ready to compromise.

If someone comes my way, then, hey!

That's going to be the most amazing thing ever, if he comes my way.

And I will embrace him.

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