Tonie and Bobbi Underage and Pregnant


Tonie and Bobbi

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I was 15 when I got pregnant

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and I didn't really know how to feel about it.

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Apart from cry.

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Mum, can you feed her?

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I don't want to bring up another child.

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Sometimes I feel like I've stolen her from the hospital.

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-You can't be arsed with your baby.

-I'm a teenager, what do you expect?

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Don't shake your head at me.

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Tonie is sticking her head in the sand at the moment,

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-thinking it's going to go away.

-Mu-um!

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BABY CRIES

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Shh.

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16-year-old single mum Tonie lives in a two bed flat in Farnborough,

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with mum Rachel, step dad Paul and one-week-old baby Lola.

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It's a bit weird, having a kid.

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Only being a kid yourself.

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I was drunk, I had sex.

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I didn't even plan to get pregnant.

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I was disappointed when I found out she was pregnant,

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because she said she was using contraceptives

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and it was just a slip-up. Whether I believe that, I don't know.

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I don't regret anything that happened.

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If I did, I wouldn't have the most beautiful daughter ever.

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It's weird how something so perfect

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could come out of someone like me.

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Before I got pregnant, I was in a lot of trouble with the police.

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Always getting drunk, causing mayhem everywhere.

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I was on a tag for a month,

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but I'm still on a supervision order.

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Antonia was a misfit child.

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Growing up, as a teenager, she was always out

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till all hours, didn't do as she was told,

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rebelled against everything, got into trouble

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when there was trouble to be got into.

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Well, if I didn't buck up my ideas, I would have been going juvie.

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But now I've had Lola,

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she's made me think about going to college

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and university and getting a job.

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Oh, Lola!

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Urgh!

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SHE RETCHES

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Although Tonie's trying to turn her life around,

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she still needs a lot of support.

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Oh, Mum. I can't get that over her head.

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-Look, if you hold it front ways...

-I did hold it like that.

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..and you put it under the chin, over the head.

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I need my mum, only cos she's been there and done it.

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Obviously, I'm still only a kid myself.

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She's her mum, she should have a natural instinct.

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But she's just scared she's not going to do it right.

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It makes me want to cry when she's crying and I don't know what's wrong.

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Oh, it's heartbreaking.

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I don't what to do. You can't talk to her and she can't talk back.

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Well, I'm kinda hoping Tonie sorts her life out.

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I'm glad she's become a mother and it's changed her for the better.

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I was worried that it wouldn't

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and I'd be left holding the baby.

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I've had my kids, I don't want to be bringing up another child.

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It's still a bit weird, waking up, knowing you've got a baby.

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You've got to look after the baby as well as yourself.

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It is a bit hard.

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While Tonie gets used to being a mum,

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in Newcastle, 16-year-old Bobbi is expecting a boy.

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She's calling him Harry.

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Eh, my life, I look bloody huge!

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I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant.

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Now I'm about to have a baby.

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When I found out I was having a baby, I cried. It was hard.

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I didn't know what to do.

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Didn't know how me mam and dad were going to react.

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I was scared.

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I never imagined I'd get pregnant at this age.

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I was shocked, a little bit disappointed.

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I think it's difficult when you find out

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your daughter's been

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having sex at 15.

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It's hard, cos it's your little girl.

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I'm upset that Bobbi's pregnant because, to me,

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she's still my little sister and I'd never imagined

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her having a baby.

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I thought she would have learnt from what I've done.

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Bobbi's sister also got pregnant at 15.

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This is the second one.

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I mean, Ellie is nearly three

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and now I'm going to be a nanna again

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and I'm only 39. That's...

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That's something. I could be in the Guinness Book of Records.

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Like Naomi, Bobbi is no longer with the father of her baby.

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I do think she's too young, but then I did it,

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so I can't really say anything.

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It's so hard.

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Bobbi's watched Naomi struggle.

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It was hard for Naomi.

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I mean, a young mum. Bobbi watched that.

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I thought she'd be more careful.

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In Newcastle, 5% of girls are pregnant before they are 18.

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SHE GASPS

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I've got a stretch mark! On me belly.

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I don't want a stretch mark.

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Are they really stretch marks? Ah, they are as well!

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Now I can't believe I'm having a baby.

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But it's going to here in...

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..God knows how many days.

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It could come now.

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Throughout her pregnancy, Bobbi has been saving money

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to buy a £1,000 pram.

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Her sister Naomi and her daughter have popped over to take a look.

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You're too big.

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-No, Nanna's seen it.

-No.

-Nanna's seen it, man.

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Don't have to put it in there, just put it like that.

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She always loses patience with Ellie,

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cos Ellie just doesn't understand when she says no.

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Ellie just carries on doing it.

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You're going to bloody break it!

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I've only had it half an hour.

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Don't open it!

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I think Bobbi will be different with Harry, cos it's her son

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and she'll understand to have a bit more patience.

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Ellie, you're so annoying!

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Ellie, man!

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With only one week to go,

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Bobbi has to come to terms with the inevitable.

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It's getting close now like, Bobbi.

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-Yeah.

-What's happened to your belly button?

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I feel excited about being a mam.

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But on the other hand, I'm really scared.

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Looks like he's dropped a bit, don't it?

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Turn to the side.

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I don't think I'm ready to be a mam,

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but I think I'm just going to have to learn to be a mum.

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Whilst Bobbi is waiting for the big day, in Farnborough, baby Lola

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is now four weeks old and Tonie is finding it hard to adjust.

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-We'll have a nice clean fresh one.

-You can burp her.

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-Why?

-I don't want sick on me, I just washed my hair.

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MUM TUTS

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You lazy sod!

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Tonie won't be able to rely on her mum forever.

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With space in the two bedroom flat limited,

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Rachel wants Tonie and Lola to move in to a mother and baby unit.

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There's not enough room in the flat for Lola to grow up here.

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I don't want to, cos I'd feel a bit lost without my mum

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if I move out.

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She's a bit anti it, I think she's a bit scared

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about moving out and being by herself.

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Tonie's not confident enough to be by herself with Lola yet.

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She still needs help.

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I won't make her move out till she's left school

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and Lola will be six months then,

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so she should be a dab hand at being a mum by that point.

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Think about your options and what's best for Lola.

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Yeah, but what options are you giving me? Live here or on the streets?

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-As a mother...

-You're kicking me out.

-I'm not.

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You are. Well, I'm not moving out, I'm not choosing to leave.

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-Choosing to leave is moving out.

-You can't live here.

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Lola needs her own room.

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No, because I'm not going in to a mother and baby unit

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and my friends won't come round.

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She needs to be able to look after herself, really.

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I am always going to be here for her.

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But I can't be there 24/7 for her.

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No, I don't want to move out.

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Cos then, I'll be on my own with a baby

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and I'm quite happy living at home.

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After her pregnancy, Tonie has been enjoying getting out again.

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Today, she is visiting her best friend, Amber.

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I don't want to get sick on me.

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Hey, hey!

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Oh, probably too cold for her.

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BABY SCREAMS

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Ah!

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Oh!

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I thought Tonie would end up pregnant at a young age.

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But I thought I would as well.

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I wouldn't want a kid at this age, though.

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It was a bit weird, seeing her with a baby bump

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instead of a bottle of alcohol and a fag.

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I think if Tonie had the choice, she wouldn't have had a baby so young.

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She said that if she could go back, she wouldn't have a kid.

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But she wouldn't change Lola for the world,

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she wouldn't give her up for the world.

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-What are you doing tonight, anyway?

-I know I'm drinking.

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-I'm tagging along. I've got no plans.

-Yeah, if you want.

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-She might want burping, you know.

-Er, that's Mummy's job!

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-She won't be sick on ya.

-Ah, no! That's Mummy's job!

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She won't be as long as you've got the muzzy. Sit her up like that.

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-No, I might hurt her.

-Shut up, they're not made of glass!

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It's the next day and Rachel is worried that Tonie's past

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is rearing its ugly head.

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Tonie came home late last night.

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I feel dead!

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Stop burning the candle at both ends, start being a mother and staying in.

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Yeah, it's quite frustrating, you know,

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cos I was really motherly when I had my babies

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and she's just not that interested, which is quite heart-breaking.

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Mum, can you feed her?

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For God's sake!

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As well as Rachel being concerned about Tonie's parenting,

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her school attendance has dropped, too, adding fuel to the fire.

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Is there any bottles made?

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No.

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-Well, she's hungry, isn't she?

-Oh? Well, go make her a bottle then.

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I'm eating!

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Tonie's just interested in being with her mates

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or being on her phone and doesn't seem to pay much attention to Lola.

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I've spoken to Tonie about it. She says there's nothing wrong.

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Probably going out is keeping me a lot happier and everything.

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Knowing that I can still go out, even if I've got a kid.

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I'm trying to talk her into going down the doctors

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and getting some help or something.

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I don't know if she's got the baby blues or she just can't be arsed.

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My mum thinks I've got post natal depression or whatever it's called

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but I don't even know what it is, so I don't think I've got it.

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Whilst Tonie is struggling to stay on top of motherhood,

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in Newcastle, Bobbi is about to come face to face with it.

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Two days overdue, she's gone in to labour.

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Bobbi, five minutes apart. How are you feeling?

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Rough.

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Rough?

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Go on, Bob.

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BABY CRIES

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Back at home, Bobbi is trying to adapt to life

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with ten-day-old Harry.

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I'm really tired.

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Wish I could just like go to sleep for a month.

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I never thought it was going to be easy,

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it's just the night feeds that are the worst thing.

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It takes ages.

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I think she will find it a little bit difficult.

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When I first had Ellie, I felt really down and tired.

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That's probably the same as what Bobbi is feeling.

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He has been awake all morning. He just won't sleep, man.

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Cos he's not in a routine yet.

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Well, he's flat out now.

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-I had to get him asleep in my arms.

-Sometimes you have to cuddle 'em in.

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-Nurse them.

-What, 24/7?

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-It's not.

-It's all night nearly.

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BABY CRIES

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Hey, hey, hey, hey!

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Mam, I can't do it!

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When Bobbi isn't coping, she'll shout at me,

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saying I can't cope, I can't do it.

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It's important for Bobbi to do it herself cos she's got to.

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She's the mum, not me.

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Hey! Ooh!

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BABY CRIES

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She should be, like, coping more

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because it's... her responsibility.

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She shouldn't, like, expect my mum to help.

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It's Bobbi's time to learn to be a mum.

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You've got to get used to it.

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Right, Bobbi?

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That's better, then settle down for the night.

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No!

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She'll get used to it.

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She'll start feeling better in herself in maybe a week.

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Things'll get easier.

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To try and get Bobbi to do things on her own,

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her mum has decided to leave the house for the afternoon.

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-Bobbi, don't nurse him too much. Settle him down straight away.

-I know.

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Don't spoil him.

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I'm sure you'll cope.

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-Bye, Bobbi.

-Bye.

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BABY CRIES

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Ugh, I got sick on my nails.

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This is the first time I've been left by myself.

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I hope he doesn't start crying.

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I hope he just goes to sleep.

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It's scary because my full responsibility

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is looking after a baby.

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Whilst Bobbi is finding her feet,

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in Farnborough, baby Lola is now six weeks old.

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Tonie's problems have got worse

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and suspecting she may have post-natal depression,

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Rachel wants her to seek help.

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It's not something I want to talk to her about.

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But the doctor might be able to help you.

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Help me with what? I'm fine.

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Fine with attitude.

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I'm a teenager, Mum - what do you expect?

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I expect you to grow up and become a mother. You chose to have a baby.

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Don't shake your head at me.

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If you don't do anything about your baby blues, Tonie,

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then it'll only get worse.

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-And worse.

-I haven't got baby blues.

-And worse.

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-I haven't got baby blues!

-And worse.

-I haven't got baby blues!

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You can't be arsed with you baby.

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I can. I just can't be arsed with you going on in my earhole 24/7.

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I think I need a little bit of help.

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Sometimes I feel depressed and sad.

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Sometimes I don't believe it's real and I don't believe she's mine.

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Sometimes I just feel I've stolen her from the hospital or something.

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But no, she's mine.

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I just still feel like I'm a teenage girl who wants to go out.

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Eventually, Rachael gets Tonie to go to the doctor's.

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When Tonie went to the doctor's,

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the doctor said she hadn't got baby blues.

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It wasn't post-natal depression.

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It was a case of, it was the shock of becoming a mother.

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What a crock of poo that was.

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I've heard it all now.

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It's Friday night, and Tonie and best friend Amber

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are getting ready to go out.

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-What's she crying for?

-I don't know.

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I'm not psychic.

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-Have she had all her bottles?

-Can you go and try feeding her?

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Oh, just have a little bottle.

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I think she's having a bit of trouble bonding a little bit.

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But it's a lot to take in at 16, really.

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I get excited during the week,

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just knowing I'm going out on the weekend.

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I don't actually have to look after a baby for the night.

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It's like she's still trying to live her life like she used to

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and she's sort of realising day by day that she can't.

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What are you crying for?

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I fed you, I've burped you. Maybe you need changing.

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Tonie!

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This time, mum Rachel can't babysit,

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so Tonie's asked Amber's family to step in.

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-Hello, Loley!

-There's another blanket, just in case

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-she gets cold.

-OK.

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Are you coming back to get Lola or is she with us for the night?

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-She's with us for the night.

-OK.

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Right, have a good night, girls, and I'll see you tomorrow.

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Bye-bye!

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The next day, and after her night out,

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Tonie hasn't picked up her daughter.

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Is your mummy still in bed?

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She's lazy, isn't she? Yeah! Say, "Mummy".

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Yeah, voicemail.

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Tonie's in bed, Lola's in the living room.

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Tonie can't be bothered to come and get her yet.

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We're going to have her here for another hour.

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I enjoy looking after Lola,

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it's just I feel like Tonie pushes her on to other people

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cos she doesn't know how to cope with it.

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Tonie never picked up Lola.

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Amber's sister had to deliver her back to her mum.

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In order to get Tonie to behave,

0:19:400:19:41

Rachel has imposed a 10pm curfew but Tonie has repeatedly broken it.

0:19:410:19:47

You can't play peek-a-boo unless she can see you.

0:19:470:19:50

She can't see nothing anyway.

0:19:500:19:52

She can. She can see everything.

0:19:520:19:56

Tonie's made me flip my lid finally. I've had enough of her.

0:19:560:20:01

We had a falling out because apparently,

0:20:010:20:03

I'm always palming off my daughter to everyone

0:20:030:20:06

and she give me a 28-day eviction letter and I took it up the council.

0:20:060:20:10

Tonie just seems to want to dump the baby and not be anywhere near her

0:20:100:20:14

and she finally admitted to me that she's not bonded with her.

0:20:140:20:17

But I think it's more a case of she's more interested in going out

0:20:170:20:22

rather than staying in with her.

0:20:220:20:24

Wouldn't you rather have an active baby

0:20:240:20:26

than a quiet boring baby?

0:20:260:20:28

Babies aren't boring.

0:20:280:20:30

They are. They just... I want her to be a toddler

0:20:300:20:32

so I can actually play with her

0:20:320:20:35

instead of her just laying there.

0:20:350:20:37

I still want my freedom.

0:20:370:20:39

Which I'm still getting,

0:20:390:20:42

just not as much as I'd like.

0:20:420:20:45

Cos it is hard going from a 16-year-old normal kid

0:20:450:20:48

to a 16-year-old mum.

0:20:480:20:51

I just want to remember what my life used to be like.

0:20:510:20:55

Tonie would just be the same if she stayed here.

0:20:550:20:58

I just don't think she'd move on from it.

0:20:580:20:59

I think the best thing for her is to go out

0:20:590:21:02

and get her own place and see just how bloody hard it is.

0:21:020:21:06

Rachel had given Tonie the option to stay at home for six months,

0:21:060:21:10

if she followed house rules.

0:21:100:21:13

I'm quite happy I'm moving out, to be fair.

0:21:130:21:15

Cos then I won't get told what I can and can't do in a house.

0:21:150:21:18

Rules, they're just pathetic.

0:21:180:21:21

It is a struggle for me, kicking Tonie and Lola out,

0:21:210:21:24

cos I do want them here with me

0:21:240:21:28

but the only way to solve it is for her to go and I will be gutted.

0:21:280:21:33

While Tonie has to face some hard facts,

0:21:380:21:41

in Newcastle,

0:21:410:21:42

baby Harry is now two months old

0:21:420:21:45

and Bobbi is settling in to parenthood.

0:21:450:21:47

He has his last bottle at eleven o'clock

0:21:480:21:51

and doesn't wake up till six o'clock in the morning.

0:21:510:21:54

It's really good.

0:21:540:21:56

I couldn't imagine Harry not being here.

0:21:560:21:58

It's not scary any more.

0:21:580:22:01

I was scared at the start

0:22:010:22:04

but now I'm fine.

0:22:040:22:06

I didn't think she would be able to do it.

0:22:060:22:08

I think he's, like, changed her for a good reason,

0:22:080:22:13

cos she doesn't want help with other people,

0:22:130:22:17

she wants to just do it herself.

0:22:170:22:19

They've bonded really well.

0:22:190:22:21

Sing it to Haz.

0:22:210:22:22

La... la la...

0:22:220:22:24

# Let the rain wash away. #

0:22:270:22:30

-SHE LAUGHS

-Harry doesn't look happy.

0:22:320:22:36

And having Harry has also changed her relationship with her niece.

0:22:360:22:42

It's like the slightest thing that Ellie did annoyed Bobbi

0:22:420:22:45

and Bobbi was just shouting at her,

0:22:450:22:47

and that's how everyone

0:22:470:22:49

had mixed thoughts of what Bobbi would be like with Harry.

0:22:490:22:52

Since she's had Harry, she's just changed.

0:22:520:22:56

Like she's nice to Ellie, she holds her hand

0:22:560:22:58

and carries her when we're out.

0:22:580:23:00

With the difficult early days behind her,

0:23:050:23:08

Bobbi is able to enjoy time with her son.

0:23:080:23:10

Everything's got easier now,

0:23:100:23:12

like the older I get, it's getting easier.

0:23:120:23:14

I don't know what the future will hold but I'm glad I've had Harry.

0:23:160:23:20

He's the best thing that's happened to us.

0:23:220:23:26

In Farnborough, it's 24 hours before Tonie has to move out.

0:23:380:23:43

She's still breaking house rules and spending

0:23:430:23:45

even less time at home with her daughter.

0:23:450:23:47

Mum Rachel wants to find a solution.

0:23:470:23:51

What you going to do?

0:23:510:23:53

I don't know.

0:23:530:23:54

One minute you want me to have Lola, next minute you want her.

0:23:540:23:57

You need to make up your mind on what you're doing.

0:23:570:24:00

You're just more interested in going out, aren't you?

0:24:000:24:03

Yes.

0:24:030:24:04

'A lot's been going with Tonie.'

0:24:040:24:06

She decided she didn't want Lola and I was going to have Lola.

0:24:060:24:11

And then she's decided actually she doesn't want to lose Lola

0:24:110:24:14

so we've just got to find her somewhere to live.

0:24:140:24:20

Tonie is very much sticking her head in the sand at the moment,

0:24:200:24:24

thinking it's all going to go away.

0:24:240:24:27

Her easiest option is to sort her life out and stay at home

0:24:270:24:30

but she's just not willing to do that.

0:24:300:24:32

We need to sort something out pretty Goddamn quick.

0:24:320:24:36

I don't want you to be her mum.

0:24:360:24:38

You need to make a bit more of an effort at being a mother,

0:24:380:24:41

then, don't you, really?

0:24:410:24:42

Stop wanting to go out and be home at a sensible time.

0:24:420:24:47

Get your baby bathed and fed and get her bottles done

0:24:470:24:51

and do your washing and keep your bedroom tidy, go to school,

0:24:510:24:55

get an education and do things the right way, then, don't you?

0:24:550:24:58

She's not grown-up enough to look after someone else at the moment.

0:24:580:25:03

It's all just dawned on her that being a mother isn't that easy.

0:25:030:25:08

It's the day of the move, and Rachel is waiting to hear

0:25:130:25:16

where Tonie and Lola will be housed.

0:25:160:25:19

Well, I don't want my life disrupted by it, no, sorry.

0:25:190:25:22

It's not fair on me.

0:25:240:25:27

The social worker just rang me

0:25:270:25:28

and they're not happy to put Tonie in a bed and breakfast with Lola

0:25:280:25:32

so they want Lola to stay here with me

0:25:320:25:34

and Tonie go into a bed and breakfast

0:25:340:25:36

until they find her a supported housing unit.

0:25:360:25:39

Tonie is moving into a foster placement,

0:25:390:25:42

without Lola.

0:25:420:25:45

-Have you got your front door key?

-I think so, why?

0:25:450:25:48

-Cos I want it back.

-No.

0:25:480:25:50

-Er, yeah.

-No.

0:25:500:25:52

-Yes.

-No.

0:25:520:25:53

SHE SIGHS

0:25:550:25:56

I'm trying to make this work, Tonie.

0:26:000:26:03

And be sensible. Eh?

0:26:030:26:04

I don't want them to be old and if they're nasty,

0:26:040:26:06

I'm going to kick em in the head.

0:26:060:26:08

Don't bugger it up, Tonie,

0:26:080:26:10

or you'll bugger it up for yourself and Lola

0:26:100:26:12

and you'll end up losing her.

0:26:120:26:13

You need to think about it.

0:26:130:26:15

TONIE SOBS

0:26:270:26:29

It's only while you're here.

0:26:320:26:34

Once they find you somewhere...

0:26:340:26:36

RACHEL KISSES HER

0:26:400:26:41

I don't want to be here.

0:26:410:26:44

Well, this was your choice.

0:26:440:26:47

You shouldn't be such a little BLEEP, should ya? Eh?

0:26:470:26:51

You'll have her back soon.

0:26:530:26:55

LOLA CRIES

0:26:580:27:00

Grandad's not back yet.

0:27:270:27:29

Eh?

0:27:290:27:31

Next time, we meet best friends Sophie and Ashley.

0:27:460:27:51

When I was eight weeks pregnant,

0:27:510:27:54

she found out she was pregnant.

0:27:540:27:56

I was 13 when I first started having sex.

0:27:560:27:59

You just take it out on me all the time.

0:27:590:28:02

No, you just think everything is so easy.

0:28:020:28:03

How is everything easy?

0:28:030:28:05

# You've come so far

0:28:080:28:09

# Well done, darling We knew that you had it in you

0:28:090:28:14

# You can do anything that you want World is an oyster

0:28:140:28:19

# Don't disappoint us, ta

0:28:190:28:20

# You can stand on your own two feet... #

0:28:200:28:23

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0:28:250:28:27

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