Episode 3 Lose Weight for Love

Obesity in Britain has reached crisis level, but for many couples,

there's one thing that stops them from beating it - each other.

You don't feel so bad, I think, if you've got a partner in crime.

Stuck in a rut of poor diets and overeating,

it's threatening not only their health, but their relationships.

You try to sabotage every time I try to lose weight.

It's causing us to have the relationship break-up,

-which is what we don't want.

-Yeah.

I'm Professor Tanya Byron. I'm a clinical psychologist.

I want to try something radical and new.

Oh, my God!

Four overweight couples have agreed to live apart...

-We're going to do this, aren't we?

-I love you.

..because I'm going to separate them.

Couples stuck in an unhealthy rut can be each other's worst enemies,

so the theory is, dramatic change happens first

when we separate the couple.

I'm glad that he's been scared, I am.

Each week, I'll work with one couple to try to get the root

of what's behind their overeating.

Only when they are away from each other

can they start to tackle their demons.

This is my worst nightmare, this.

And, through a health and fitness plan,

we'll try to change them for good...

-Let's go!

-I've got big feet, this is a disadvantage.

..and break their bad habits.

Broccoli.

Will living apart from each other for ten weeks finally succeed

when everything else has failed?

I've wanted to give up at least seven times a day every day.

If it doesn't work and he's not changed,

then me and Pete aren't going work.

What am I meant to do with this, then?

Do what you normally do!

-WHIRRING

-Oh, you pig!

Don't! You're going to get your dinner in a minute, stop it!

Argh!

Bob and partner Jane live in Camberley, Surrey.

Anybody that would come to the house would say,

"It's a good eating house, Jane always does far too much."

I'd rather do too much as not having enough.

Bob is 56 and a window cleaner,

while 54-year-old Jane is a shop assistant.

We met on the internet, didn't we?

-Yeah, on a dating site.

-On a dating site, yeah.

And your picture came up and I liked it.

I thought he's the proper Cockney, you know?

The Del Boy with all the rings and the jewellery.

In his 20s, Bob was a fit, semi-professional footballer

and at the start of their relationship, Jane was trim too.

I was always around a size 12,

normally about 10 to 10½ stone.

But now Jane has hit 16 stone while Bob has reached 20.

I don't even recognise myself there.

You were a happier person there than what you are now.

Yeah, because I wasn't that big.

I want to be like that again.

But the joy they once had is now a distant memory...

-Get off!

-Hang on, hang on.

-Get off!

-Hang on.

-Get off!

..and Bob and Jane have developed a particular way of coping.

We must get through, easy, 20, 25 bottles of wine a week.

-Easy.

-And it's putting a strain on their relationship.

Every other day, there's an argument over nothing.

Because we're doing nothing. We've got nothing to talk about.

I go in the computer room, Jane will go in the bed on the iPad,

we've got no conversation, have we?

We're just drifting further and further apart.

I'd like to be able to just have fun again and go out with her

and have a laugh, and I want us to get back to the way we were.

In the past, Jane has tried to lose weight, hoping it would fix things.

Every diet, you name it, I've tried it.

I've been a mega yo-yo dieter.

But as every diet stalls, they fall into a cycle

of blaming one another for its failure.

You try to sabotage... Every time I try to lose weight,

you try to sabotage it, because you couldn't do it.

-That is our relationship to a T.

-What?

Because if you're in a mood, you take it out on me.

Now Bob and Jane are so desperate to fix their relationship,

they've decided to separate for ten weeks.

It's hit home that we're not going to see each other,

it's a big thing, really.

Yeah, it's going to be really weird, this.

It's a brave decision, but it could be the only way

to fix their health and their relationship.

I'm really going to miss him.

Oh, I can't even get my legs up.

Today, they are on their way to meet me before beginning the separation.

In relationships, however much we love each other,

we can be each other's worst enemy in terms of our health,

in terms of our lifestyle, in terms of our weight.

And so, separating couples can be very useful

because, for the couple to function, what they need to do is,

first of all to address these issues in themselves separately,

then, when they come back together,

they work it out as a couple.

Helping me change their deep-seated bad habits is Professor Paul Dolan,

a behavioural scientist,

and physiologist Rick Shakes-Braithwaite,

who will start by giving them a full medical.

What you're going to be doing is walking on a treadmill.

I'm putting some electrodes on so I can monitor your heart.

It's called an exercise stress test.

By putting them under the microscope, Rick can see the effect

their unhealthy lifestyle has had on their bodies.

This gives me an idea of what your maximum aerobic capacity is.

This will also help us design a diet and fitness programme

tailor-made for each of them.

I'm going to do a battery of blood tests.

We're going to check how vital organs work,

like the kidneys and liver. Liver function's really important

so I'm going to be checking quite a few proteins associated with

how well the liver works in the bloodstream.

Between them, Bob and Jane drink 25 bottles of wine a week.

Alcohol is the major cause of liver disease,

and if the liver is beyond repair,

it could be a life-threatening condition.

I'll tell you more about these results in a while.

A study has claimed that around 60% of people put on weight

in a comfortable relationship.

Bob and Jane appear to be an example of this.

Ten weeks apart gives them a chance to lose weight,

and without the influence of each other,

help us get to root of the problem.

How do you feel about the separation?

We said, if this didn't come along,

the chances are we would separate anyway.

So this is about saving your relationship?

Yeah, big time. Big time.

You know, all this time apart isn't going to be easy,

I'm not going to deny that,

but if it gets us back on track,

-then that far outweighs everything else.

-OK.

All I want to do is feel happy again.

We haven't been happy for probably three or four years.

How is it in your relationship? Do you feel connected to each other?

Unfortunately, Jane has got this real bad attitude.

She wants me to give her love all the time

but she can't give it herself. She can be so nasty to me.

She will say the nastiest things to me sometimes, don't you?

Just because I might say something wrong.

No, because you'll say something about my weight, or something.

I find Bob thinks I'm really unattractive.

Is that true, Bob? Do you find Jane really unattractive?

Since Jane put the weight on,

I don't find her sexually attractive.

I find her very attractive, I don't find her sexually attractive.

-Oh, Jane...

-Oh.

-Oh, no, no, no.

Here.

And this is really hard for you, right?

-When you say that, it really hurts.

-I know it does, love.

It hurts you, and it's a painful thing for you to have said.

I know he's telling me the truth.

The truth hurts, as they say, don't they?

But you never want your partner to think that about you.

-So this is more than weight loss for you.

-Yeah, much more.

This is about fundamental change for both of you as individuals.

You're looking to reconnect as a couple.

So, Bob and Jane, I did quite a number

of fitness and medical tests on you.

I'm going to start with those results, OK?

Bob, of your entire body weight, you're 40% fat.

That's double the amount you should have to be at a healthy level.

Jane, at 52.3%,

over half your body weight is fat.

So these figures are much too high.

Over the next ten weeks, I'd hope that, with my plan of exercise,

with approaching nutrition in the right way,

we can maybe look at a stone-and-a-half,

just to get you started.

Which brings me to one more result,

and a result that worried me quite a bit more, OK?

Jane, I tested your liver function

to see how well your liver's working

and what the tests have shown me so far

is that you're starting to show some signs of damage.

So much so, that we're going to have to keep a close eye on it

during the course of the programme.

How we're going to approach

stopping this liver from getting more diseased

is by drinking less alcohol, eating sensibly,

exercising and losing weight.

You're spending, currently, about £8,000 a year

-on alcohol alone.

-Yeah, and it' eight grand we haven't got.

So, do you think you could publicly promise to not drink alcohol at home

till we come to see you?

There's a whole lot of interventions we're going to work on with you.

Do you think that might be one promise you could make?

It's achievable because we're not together.

-I could do that.

-I definitely will now, about my liver!

Of course I'm going to do it.

OK. This is actually now the moment of separation.

OK? So you'll say goodbye now

and you won't see each other for ten weeks.

What are you crying for? Don't cry!

Listen, we're going to do this. Aren't we?

We're going to do this, eh?

See you in ten weeks.

-OK? New people. Hm?

-Yeah.

I'll be a new man for you.

-See you later.

-See you later.

The next time Bob will set eyes on Jane will be in ten weeks.

It's quite strange, it was quite emotional there, wasn't it?

Quite emotional.

She'll be all right. She's made of strong stuff, old Jane.

I'm going to let him see just how complacent he's got with me.

You know, the things he says.

Because some of them do hurt my feelings.

They'd hurt anybody's feelings, any woman.

To give them time to concentrate on themselves, I've asked them

to have no contact whatsoever for the first three weeks.

During the separation, Bob will move in with his daughter Charlie.

He's going to be sleeping in with the kids.

As you can see, the bunk bed's quite small, but hopefully,

by the end of ten weeks, he'll be able to fit in it perfectly.

-Hello! You all right?

-Yeah, you all right?

You've got the pleasure of Daddy for ten weeks.

-Now you've got the crazy house!

-Yes, yes.

I've lost half a stone just thinking about the grandkids.

Yeah, just thinking about the grandkids, I've lost half a stone.

Back in the family home, Jane is settling in to life on her own.

It's like deathly silence!

Ohh!

It's empty. It's just the house is empty.

It doesn't feel homely.

I'm used to either him in there with the music on

or watching the sport, giving it large

cos his team's losing or whatever.

I'm going to really miss him, big style.

Before the separation, Bob and Jane both recorded everything they ate,

so that we could adjust their diet

and create a new food plan.

The food diary was a diary that I asked Bob and Jane to keep

so that when I met them, I knew exactly how many calories

they were eating and drinking in the course of a day.

But something doesn't quite add up in Jane's.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-How are you?

So I've asked Rick to pay her a visit.

Jane's best friend Wendy is there for support.

According to this food diary,

like, on some days you're eating less than 500 calories.

If that was the case, then you're definitely losing weight.

I feel quite embarrassed because when I put down...

I've put a glass of wine on there.

But what you might perceive as a glass of wine

and what I actually see as a glass of wine...

are probably completely different.

So that's not a glass of wine, that's half a bottle of wine.

So you're drinking 313 calories

every time you drink a glass of wine.

And I would have, easy, three of those.

A bottle-and-a-half of wine is about 14 units of alcohol,

so according to recent guidelines, Jane is drinking

her weekly recommended allowance in one evening.

If I go to bed, I'll fill that up.

A sports protein jug?

Beyond drinking what is effectively litres of wine,

because you're not in a state to really remember what you're eating

at that point, there is probably food missing from the food diary.

-Yeah, because I won't remember I've eaten it.

-OK.

I've now realised I have got a much bigger workload on my hands

-than I thought originally.

-I'm so sorry.

You will never give me anything like this again, all right?

-Never ever again.

-I promise.

-I need the truth all the way through,

otherwise I can't help you,

so you've got to be honest about every last thing.

-I'm sorry.

-She will.

Now Rick can finally give Jane the food plan

a dietician has designed for her.

There are no banned foods.

However, she must eat at regular meal times

and control her portion sizes to reduce her calorie intake

to around 1,400 a day.

Rick hopes that, combined with an exercise plan,

she will lose two to three pounds a week.

You've not been doing any exercise for a long, long time

and so we just need to get you used to doing it, so, walking lunges.

Every time you step, around, keep going around and around,

keep stepping.

That's it, not too bad.

I find it hard to balance, actually.

-That's normal because you're trying to balance a...

-A big body?

-Yes.

Just say it, say what you see.

THEY LAUGH

Seven miles away, Bob has already been given his food plan.

That is a mango.

He must eat from all the main food groups

and today he has opted to cook a healthy cod and mango fajita.

"Stir-fry, steam... Serving suggestions..."

But he is looking at the ingredients with a degree of suspicion.

I don't think you have to wash coriander.

He has never cooked since being with Jane

and today he's asked his daughter Charlie to be chief taster.

I'll just put them round, then spread this about...

Oh, dear!

The point of his food programme is to reduce Bob's daily calorie intake

from around 3,000 to around 1,900 a day.

OK, tuck in, then.

It's a new experience for Bob, but will he be able to keep it up?

Well done!

That tastes all right, that tastes fine.

At the end of the first week, I've come to pay Jane a visit.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

'Now that she is on her own, I have the opportunity to begin to tackle

'her individual issues

'that are affecting her relationship with Bob.'

What is the stuff that you feel really needs to be addressed here?

-What is...?

-Me. I've no self-worth, my...

The way I look at myself,

I just don't like the person I am.

So every time I've tried to lose weight, thinking,

"Oh, yes, I'll lose weight, I'll feel better,"

I've felt the same being a size 10 as an 18.

-Because the belief is still there.

-Because it's still in here.

-Yeah, you still don't like yourself.

-Because I don't like me.

Yeah, doesn't matter whether you're 20 stone or 10 stone,

-it doesn't really matter.

-It doesn't affect how I am in here.

Right, OK.

Well, the challenge we've got, though, is -

you're not happy with the way you look

-and you're not happy with your health.

-Yeah.

It then makes you needy in your relationships

and angry when you feel those needs aren't being met,

and it makes you close your life down

and probably self-medicate with alcohol.

When I'm feeling really needy and someone doesn't give me

the right answers, or that I seem to love them

more than they love me because they're not...

I feel they're not giving me what I want...

..then it becomes a vicious circle

and I drink to try and block it out

-so I don't have to think about it.

-That's right.

I think you were frightened by the liver results.

I'm basically killing myself, so I thought, right, that's it,

so I haven't touched a drop of alcohol.

You haven't had a drink?

I have not had one drop of alcohol.

I haven't touched it, Tanya, I haven't touched it!

-And you've not had a craving?

-Not at all, no! Not even a craving!

-Not a craving.

-Explain that to me.

Because he's not here and we're not having that...

bit of bickering on and feeling, "Oh, I'm going to have a drink now."

You know, just to get by, and I think that's what it is.

I really feel for Jane, she has suffered from low self-esteem

that she has kept buried for years.

It's great that she is starting to manage her drinking,

but now she needs to take time

to focus on herself so that we can start to understand

what's behind her anger, before she gets back with Bob.

It's the second week...

-Two slices of toast will be sufficient.

-..and Bob is sticking

to his food plan and eating healthily.

Look at that, children, look! That's Grandad's breakfast!

Doesn't that look lovely? I could have bacon with this,

but Charlie didn't get up early enough to cook it for me.

You're going to be fending for yourself now, Dad.

It's no good going silly!

But if he's going to see a physical change,

Rick needs to get him exercising too.

You are frustrated that you don't have

the get-up-and-go that you wanted to.

And I want to give you that back, but I want you to fight for that.

Rick wants to push him to do high-intensity interval training,

alternating 30 seconds of tough exercise with 15 seconds rest.

15-second break!

These short bursts will help Bob

burn more calories than doing easier exercise for longer.

It's gone 45 seconds!

During each ten-minute session, he could burn more calories

than half-an-hour's workout on a treadmill.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Rick's routine takes account of Bob's footballing past.

Bob used to be an athlete and he built up a really good

foundation of muscle, so, as a result, what I'm doing,

by trying to use the entire body, use his body as the machine,

as the central weight itself, is burn as many calories as possible,

stimulating his body to its full potential.

Go on, Dad, go on!

From now on, Bob must to do

at least ten minutes' hard training six times a week.

And one, relax. Nice work.

-PANTING:

-Whose stupid idea was this?

-THEY LAUGH

Rick also has a plan for Jane. His tests revealed that

her excessive drinking had damaged her liver.

Regular exercise enhances the oxygen-carrying capability

of the blood, and the more oxygen Jane has in her blood,

the more of it will be delivered to her liver,

which in turn will help it to function better.

We're going to get you to do a walk-to-run programme, and

that means you'll walk for a certain distance, run for a short distance,

walk for a certain distance, run for a short distance.

-So, walking first?

-We're going to be walking first.

Start at the same time.

But Jane hasn't exercised in decades.

I want you to just let your arms swing like pendulums.

-Right.

-Nice and relaxed.

'She hasn't done any exercise, any sports, since she was

'last at school, so the key thing,

'if you think you want to start running and doing exercise,

'is to do what's called a walk-to-run programme.'

Nice, relaxed jog. Don't keep your shoulders up.

The hope is Jane's fitness plan

will gradually evolve into more running than walking.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Time. Just walk.

-All right?

-SHE PANTS:

-I can't do it.

-You can do it.

-Jane, no can't.

-I'm trying!

-Time, let's go, let's go.

-Bet you didn't think you'd get this far!

Doing this two or three times a week for around 20 minutes can

help her burn calories and improve other health markers,

like cholesterol levels and blood pressure.

Jog, jog, jog, jog, jog! This isn't a walk!

Rick's aim is to get Jane from just walking

to running 5km in just eight weeks.

Give me everything you've got. Everything! Everything!

I said, everything!

-Time! Your time.

-Ah! Ah!

-I'm going to hit you in a minute.

-You jogged 20 times!

It's like The Apprentice - you're fired!

LAUGHTER

Oh, my Go...! It's not for me - exercise, running - not for me.

I couldn't... I couldn't breathe!

I thought I was going to die.

My heart was pounding out of my chest

and they kept saying, "Come on, come on!"

And I was thinking, "Will you just go away and leave me alone?!"

God! I was so up for it and I thought, "Oh, yeah, I can do it!"

and I didn't realise how unhealthy I was!

And I'm just absolutely shattered, so I'm going to bed.

SWITCH CLICKS

After three weeks, Bob is still sticking to the regime

and enjoying living

-with his grandchildren and daughter.

-Can I get a cuddle? Come in!

HE LAUGHS

-Hello!

-CHILD GIGGLES

But the separation is proving tougher for Jane

back in the family home.

I finish work, come home and that's it. I don't see anybody.

No-one to talk to, no-one to get up

and say good morning or to do anything on the weekend with.

You feel really sad, cos you feel you're on your own.

-PHONE ALERT

-Oh, God's sake.

Jane's texted me. She's stuck by herself and I think she thinks

cos I've got the grandkids, I'm enjoying myself

and having a great time and going out for meals etc, etc,

and so I'm not kind of suffering like she's suffering.

The thing is, if I don't reply, it'll be,

"Well, you don't care about me.

"What are you doing? You're out enjoying yourself..."

So I have to reply just to try and put her mind at rest

and then it kind of builds up into a conversation which, you know,

it defeats the object of why we're doing all this in the first place.

"But you don't understand how lonely I am by myself.

"You seem to be coping a lot easier without me

"than I'm coping without you.

"You just enjoy yourself and don't worry about me."

Now, I mean, what can I... What am I meant to say to that?

I am concerned that Jane is struggling to cope without Bob

but it's only by being on her own that she has the space

and the time to make any real changes in their relationship.

I know I shouldn't be doing it but I just...

I don't know... I just don't know. I just...

Sometimes I feel really lonely.

Right, I think what we know is that Bob is the place

-where you put your bad feelings.

-Yes.

And I know that some of the texts have been...

You been angry with him, and it's like Bob's the enemy.

SHE SOBS Oh, sweetheart.

This is the bit you and I need to work on together.

This is why I'm here, Jane.

A lot of people do exactly what you do. It's normal.

But it's very destructive if we then just push it all out

onto someone else so that someone close to us

-becomes our emotional punch bag.

-Yes.

'There's a lot of anger there in Jane.'

Issues that probably aren't related to Bob

but she then in a way pushes on to him

unresolved issues from the past.

11 years ago Jane moved to Surrey from her home in the

northeast to be with Bob.

She brought with her her nine-year-old daughter Allena

from a previous relationship.

And she absolutely hated it, and I was in such a dilemma.

Do I move back?

Do I let her go back? Do I make her stay?

But soon after, Allena chose to move back and live with her father.

I miss her. Terribly. Yeah, I do.

And I feel that I've let her down.

Now that Jane has begun to think about her daughter Allena,

I hope that we can begin to understand

what effect this may have had on her relationship with Bob.

I've never been able to cope with the guilt I feel

because I felt that I... put a man before her.

I didn't think about her feelings.

I just thought, yeah, she'll move here, everything will be fine.

And it wasn't. And she wanted to move back.

Is this an issue that comes up in your relationship with Bob?

Every time we have an argument -

well, 99.9% - I throw that in his face.

"I left everything for you. I left my daughter."

So is the issue with Allena, is this discussion something also about

you managing some of this guilt and having a conversation with her?

I do need to do that. I need to address.

I need to get it off my shoulders.

I don't want to put her in a situation

that she doesn't want to be in

but do you think she would perhaps meet you and me

-so we could do this together?

-Yes, I would really like that.

It's something that I need to do.

'I am concerned that if we don't get Jane to confront the guilt

'she has for leaving her daughter, when she gets back together

'with Bob, she will continue to blame him.'

It's the beginning of the fourth week, and after her initial

loneliness, Jane is discovering the joys of eating healthily.

That's the first time I've ever had blueberries. This is exotic!

That's a whole taste sensation for me, cos I've never had it before!

Right, Robert, guess what you're having for breakfast

when you come back?

For Bob, a major challenge is to cut back on binge drinking

that has contributed to his weight gain.

I've asked behaviour specialist Paul Dolan to see if he can try

and change this habit of a lifetime.

-Bob.

-Hello, Paul.

-Hello, mate. How are you?

-Good, how are you?

-Yeah, fine, thank you.

He hasn't been drinking much whilst living at his daughter Charlie's,

but today, he is faced with a dilemma.

He's been invited to the pub by his mates.

Two turns into anything from five to 15.

-15?

-Yeah.

Drinking quantities like that means that any exercise Bob does

afterwards will have little effect, as his body will burn off the

alcohol first before it can tackle those all-important calories

he needs to lose weight.

I don't want to stop you drinking

but I'd like to give you some control over drinking,

so that you can go out for a couple of pints and just make it

more likely for you to stop there, if that's what you want to do.

-I've never done it.

-One of the things we can do

before you go is think how much you intend to drink that night

-and just take out only enough money for that number of pints.

-Right.

For men, drinking anything more than three pints of strong beer

or seven units of alcohol in one night is considered a binge.

The key to sticking to a limit is to make it hard to break.

Only take out enough money for a couple of drinks.

You're going to take out a tenner.

If I only had a tenner, I wouldn't bother going out!

I need to have probably £100 in my pocket.

So there's no point in going out

and having a couple of pints with your mates?

Couple of pints, tenner?

Well, yeah, probably, but it's something I've never done before.

What the hell can I do with that over a pub?

Bob needs to make a public commitment at the outset

and not drink in rounds.

The situation's this. I've got a tenner.

That's all I've come out with - a tenner.

THEY LAUGH

-They don't look convinced.

-No! Not convinced.

What we're trying to do here is find ways in which Bob

can have choice over whether two pints turn into 15.

Right? So that he can sometimes come out. Do you think he can do it?

-Truthfully?

-No.

-Truthfully.

Once he's in the environment, with us lot, he's in that environment.

-Yeah.

-Bob, are you staying out? How many are you going to have?

I'm going to finish this and then I'm going home.

-THEY CLAP

-All right.

Bob, we're going to shoot.

See you later, guys.

Despite Paul's advice, Bob gives in to peer pressure and chooses

to stay in the pub.

Can I have a Stella in there, please?

It's not clicking in there, it's not registering

that this is a life-changing thing rather than temporary.

Bob's still in the pub.

He's been given these tips on a night when we're here.

What's going to happen when we're gone?

Drinking six pints means

he's consuming over 1,000 calories in alcohol alone.

I've stayed out. That's my problem.

I don't do social drinking.

I don't want to go in the pub and have one or two pints.

I'd rather not go out.

It's the end of the fourth week, and Bob's motivation is waning...

I don't feel at the moment that I've got anywhere

and I feel like these experts are kind of taking my pleasure

away from me and giving me kind of tasks and things to do

that I'm not actually comfortable with at the moment.

Where are we actually going with all this?

Although he's sticking to the food plan,

daughter Charlie is doing all the work.

I cook his dinner every night... to what he orders.

He needs to kind of realise that he's not going to help himself

unless he starts doing all these things.

It's not going to change unless he starts realising

what he actually needs to do to make it change and, at the moment,

obviously, with me cooking and doing his washing and washing up

after him, he's not changing. He hasn't changed at the moment,

and I think he needs to have a bit of a reality check.

-Is that it?

-Yeah, that's it.

-Seriously? Is that my portion?

That's your portion for today.

Blimey, I'm going to have to savour this!

I feel I need to have a catch-up with Bob,

and today, I've asked Charlie to join me so that, together, we can

try to rekindle Bob's motivation.

I don't feel, to be perfectly honest, I've learnt anything.

You know, this is about losing weight and getting fit and healthy.

It's really not.

-This is about changing a mind-set, I think, with you, Bob.

-Right.

I think this will fail for you.

-Yeah.

-And I'm actually really quite worried about that.

-You need to start becoming a grown-up, I think.

-Do you?

Yeah, instead of a boy that sits down

-and let's everyone do things for you.

-Are you worried about him?

I am. I've got two kids, he's got two grandkids.

What's your worse case? SHE SOBS

I don't want to be left with no-one, because me and Dad are so close.

Oh, don't, darling. You'll make me cry!

I don't want to be left not being able to turn to Dad,

cos Dad's been my support. Whenever anything...

I need anything, I'd... Wouldn't I? I'd ring you up all the time.

"Dad, I need help with this. Dad, what shall I do with this?"

And if he carries on drinking...

So you're actually worried your dad's going to die young?

It's not normal to... to drink that much.

I know it's not. I know it's not.

And to eat the way they do, and their lifestyle,

and the thought of not being able to...

You know, the thought of Dad ending up dead...

What has to happen? Your daughter has just...

She's a strong woman, right, she's a mother of two kids,

she's smart, she's just absolutely broken into tears.

What has to happen? What has to be said? What has to be done?

I'll do my best, all right? I'll do my best.

I know I've got to change, and I'll do my best.

I've got another five weeks, haven't I?

But I can't promise that I'm going to change at the end of it.

That was a really interesting chat.

I'm not sure, though, I'm that clear, even now,

what he wants out of the process.

He has his own issues.

I'm not sure he's kind of engaged with that thinking,

and that makes me a bit concerned moving forward,

because during the separation, this is all about him,

but I don't think he's worked that out yet.

It's halfway through their separation,

and while Bob is struggling to commit to the process,

Jane's confidence is building.

A couple of weeks ago, I would have been out of breath.

As you can see, I can actually talk...

and walk at the same time.

Couldn't do that two weeks ago.

Jane's walk home from work is three miles.

Hurry up - you're lagging behind!

And she's still not had a drink since the separation began.

I could be sitting in there having a nice chilled glass of white wine.

But every time I see somebody drinking now, I think,

"You're ruining your liver, you're ruining your liver."

SHE LAUGHS

Studies show that when people who drink regularly

abstain for five weeks, liver fat can be reduced by 15%.

A lot of people expect me to fail,

because they've known I've been a big drinker,

they've known I don't like exercise.

Before, I probably would have gone, "Yeah, they're right."

Seems a bit daunting when you've never exercised

and they go, "Oh, we really want to see you do a 5k run."

But I didn't think a few weeks ago I'd be doing this, and I'm doing it!

I'm home!

And now Jane is about to step on a set of scales

for the first time in five weeks.

Right, I'm going to get weighed now.

I've really stuck to it,

so if I haven't lost anything, I'm really going to be devastated.

I've lost 11 pounds! Oh, my God.

SHE LAUGHS

I can't even have a drink to celebrate!

Yes! Oh, I love you, I love you. Mwah!

Yay!

11 pounds!

Jane may have something to celebrate, but Bob may need to dig

a little deeper if he's going to get results

before he gets back with Jane.

So I've asked him to revisit a place

where he felt healthier and happier -

Camberley Town Football Club.

I was the first player to ever sign a professional contract,

I think it was for about £8 a week.

This is all new.

We never used to get bottles thrown on us in 1970.

Pitch looks nice. Pitch looks lovely.

Hasn't changed at all, though.

I was about here when I scored my first goal.

It must have been within two minutes.

Our left back put a ball over the top,

come in, lobbed the keeper.

CROWD NOISE

And the funny thing was,

my mum used to come and watch me every single week.

My mum would never miss a week's football.

And she walked through there about three minutes past three -

she missed my first goal.

My mum would turn up to football in her slippers in six inches of snow.

It brings back a lot of lovely memories to me.

But they're also kind of sad.

Bob's mum died three years ago.

If I went home now, and my mum was still alive, and I went home now

and told her where I've been, her face would beam.

She'd love it.

And she'd probably say, "Good, really good.

"That's what you needed,

"instead of sitting in front of that telly, drinking.

"Get yourself out and about."

But if Bob is going to turn things around,

he may need a little more assistance,

so I've asked Rick to pay him a visit.

-Hello, Rick.

-How are you?

-Am I glad to see you! How are you?

-Not too bad.

-Good.

Let's sort things out, let's see how we're going.

Rick's demands for a six-day-a-week exercise programme

appear to have fallen by the wayside,

so to reinvigorate him, he's given Bob some extra routines.

It's a simple, logical routine.

Works the front, works the back,

works the top, works the bottom, OK?

We're going to work the front first.

Yeah. Ohh!

So, you're here.

Your feet are together, knees are together, hands beside your head.

I want a deep breath in, and a crunch up out.

'It's frustrating to see Bob in the state that he's in,'

because he has this incredible food plan laid out for him,

and I feel like he's one of those athletes

that has all the talent,

but just doesn't take it forward, doesn't progress.

And I think Bob is wasting the opportunity he's got here.

Squeeze your shoulder blades whilst bringing your legs off the floor.

Feel the pinch there and there.

'This isn't just about losing weight.

'It's about losing the right sort of weight.'

This programme is designed to lose fat weight and fat weight only.

I want you to do a nice deep squat, like so.

'If you lose muscle tissue, you become weaker,'

and you'll gain more weight in the end.

If you lose water, you'll also dehydrate and become weaker,

you become more lethargic,

you'll also put on more weight in the end.

Perfect. Relax there.

A lot of research has gone into putting this programme together

and helping you with this food plan and the exercise combined.

The whole point about separating you

was that you wanted to change not just the way you eat

but the way you exercise, the way you feel about yourself.

It's about you, as an individual, growing as an individual,

and coming back to your relationship having grown.

What this was all about was you and Jane.

It was about nothing else.

Kind of hit home a bit, you know?

-Got some thinking to do.

-Yeah. Yeah, big-time

-All right, cool.

That's what this was about.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

A lot of it with me is getting my fat arse off the sofa and doing it

rather than sitting there, thinking, "Oh, I don't want to do it."

You know, it's only a half-hour.

I could fit a half-hour in any day, no problem.

It is only half an hour.

I've got to get over that mind-set. I've just got to do it.

I've got to make it part of my daily routine, that I've got to do it.

Now that his exercise programme is back on track,

Bob attempts to make a healthy meal for himself

without the help of daughter Charlie.

This is so confusing.

I've never cooked butternut squash before.

I don't know whether you're meant to take the skin off.

We're nearly six, seven minutes in

and I'm just still messing around on butternut squash.

Although Bob is now doing well, Charlie still fears

that he hasn't dealt with his mum's death three years ago.

When it comes to talking about Nan and how he's felt since Nan died,

it chokes him.

He doesn't really like to show his emotions that much.

He's still not properly grieved for her yet, I don't think.

I love that picture.

I think deep down, it still really, really hurts him,

but just trying to put a front on,

and maybe the alcohol and food just kind of covers that up

and stops people from asking him about it.

It's all learning. This is a big learning process for me.

I'm so pleased for Bob.

He's finally embracing the process and making changes.

Voila!

But I feel that if they're going to last,

he needs to be able to express his grief freely and mourn for his mum.

So, today, I've asked Bob, Charlie, and her brother Jamie

to take me to her grave.

Jamie and Charlie are saying

they think that you haven't mourned properly, grieved properly.

My mum was the kind of bond that held us all together,

the whole family together.

I think when Nan died, you kind of turned to alcohol

cos you had no-one to turn to. Nan was the one that you spoke to

and Nan was the one that listened to all your troubles.

And the only way you can kind of relieve, like,

the hurt and the stress that you're going through

is just by getting drunk

and just thinking you're going to forget about it for that night.

I expect many times I'd had an argument with Jane,

rather than just getting a couple of bottles of wine and blocking it out,

I would have gone to my mum.

So alcohol did replace your mum, then?

-TEARFULLY:

-I've kind of lost the one person that...

She was always there for you.

You lose something in you when your mum dies.

But you do have a partner,

so if the work we're doing with both you and Jane

and then how we support you coming together

has the right kind of outcome,

that can be your relationship with Jane

-in a way that it hasn't been before.

-Yeah.

Yeah, we could be good for each other through this, I think.

For both of our bad demons,

I think we could also do a lot of help for each other.

I didn't expect that.

Alcohol has filled so many different roles for him,

and I think maybe this will now help Bob understand

that it's not just about changing behaviour,

it's understanding

what the behaviour was there for in the first place.

Once you get that and you find other ways,

as Bob said, to fill the void, then you've got a really good chance

of sustaining healthy behaviour change.

With two weeks to go,

I still want to get to the root of Jane's misdirected anger with Bob

before they're reunited.

So I've asked her daughter Allena to meet us

in the hope that I can get Jane to have a conversation

she's been avoiding for the past 11 years.

-Hello! Hiya, darling.

-Hi, Mum.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

-Hello, I'm Tanya. Nice to meet you.

You were such an outgoing little girl,

I thought if we moved,

you'd just take the transition really easily.

So I never thought, what if you didn't?

I was happy in the north-east, I was happy at home.

-I wasn't happy in the south at that point.

-Right.

When you weren't happy, in my eyes, I should have come back with you.

-I felt like I'd abandoned you.

-I don't hold anything against you.

And I don't think you did anything wrong.

You did something for you, and you're better off for it.

You wouldn't have been happy at home,

so I don't blame you for leaving.

You're kind of saying, "It's OK with me,

-"I can see the positive side it."

-Yeah.

It's clear, isn't it, that your mum's got a lot of issue about it?

Guilt, guilt, guilt, the alcohol.

That's what pushed me away - the drink.

The drink pushed you away.

I wasn't with you cos you were drinking.

The one thing that you have used as your biggest weapon

in your arguments with Bob, which has then led you both

to spend pretty much every evening in separate rooms,

drinking and drinking and drinking,

-has been the fact that you're not with your daughter.

-Yeah.

But, actually, I think what you're saying, Allena, is...

-that's not relevant.

-It's not.

You were a lovely mum and you did everything for me.

It's just shown you had an issue with alcohol,

and that isn't to do with my issues with you moving here.

That's my issue with you. You weren't a nice person drunk.

Yeah.

So are you going to listen to your daughter,

who is saying to you really clearly,

"Mum, I'm not angry with you about you living with Bob"?

Because if you do listen to that and accept it

then that's not something that you can use

in your relationship with Bob any more.

-It WAS your choice.

-It WAS my choice.

Are you going to live with that choice

and move on in the way that your daughter's asking you to?

Yeah, it was my decision.

And I feel really, really remorseful for what I've done.

I do love you.

I think today has been a huge... huge breakthrough for Jane.

Emotionally, it's put her in a very different place.

She's had a really frank conversation,

and I think it's going to shift her away

from the blame that she places on Bob.

That's going to improve their relationship,

and that is what was my goal

in terms of enabling them to sustain and move forward

with their health and their fitness and their weight loss.

Now that she has begun to re-build her relationship

with daughter Allena, Jane is on a high.

And with the help of best friend Wendy, she's increased her running

to 30 minutes in between short walks.

She's put her absolute body and soul into this

and I couldn't be more proud of her.

She's changed in her mental attitude,

in her...health-wise and exercise.

It's absolutely brilliant.

I wouldn't believe she's got to where she is, actually, today.

The feeling you get after the exercise is amazing.

It's such a high.

This is just changing everything about me.

It's completely changed my life.

It's the final week

and whilst Jane is away for a few days,

Bob is back in his own garden, exercising.

I'm trying to push myself a bit more.

It's kind of getting into a routine of it now.

He is playing catch-up but is keen to lose as much weight as he can

to impress Jane when they're reunited.

I do feel better afterwards, even though I'm knackered.

New Bob.

It's the day of Jane's 5km run

and she's invited me and daughter Allena along for support.

Here we go, girls.

-No, you're not allowed to hold my hand.

-Yes, she can.

Come on, keep up, Allena.

Bossy, Mum.

Come on, Mum, we can do it!

It's all right, you'll do it.

Don't collapse, though. Don't collapse.

Oh, I do love you.

SHE LAUGHS AND CHEERS

'If someone had said to me, told me three months ago

'that I would be doing this, I'd think they were absolutely crazy.'

Yeah!

Bet you never thought you'd see me do that, eh?

No, I don't think I'd see you walk a mile

let alone walk around three or four.

So are you proud of me, then?

Yeah.

I'm a changed girl!

Yeah.

Getting there.

Oh, God!

The ten-week separation is coming to an end.

Tomorrow, Bob and Jane will finally set eyes on each other again.

I'm nervous to kind of see what she looks like, you know.

Jane has never ever, ever, ever walked or exercised

and I think she's done... Apparently she's been walking and exercising.

She's like me, you see. She's very competitive.

If I get back to her and she's lost a half a stone more than me,

there'll be trouble.

I was wondering what he'd think about the way I look and everything.

And I used to be so worried about what he thought,

more than what I did

because I've never felt good about myself in such a long time.

And I see this person and I feel so much better,

so much more confident.

It's all down to you.

Hope she still fancies me.

She might want another, younger model now.

I'm really excited.

I feel like I'm going to get married!

Today's the day, and the nerves are mounting.

I have waited for this day for ten weeks and now it's finally here.

I'm really nervous about what he thinks I look like.

I hope he's lost weight.

I'm hoping he's looking really good

and just happy to see me.

I have been on fantastic journey this last ten weeks.

One of the hardest things was not being able to tell her

the things I have done, and I have missed her.

With Bob and Jane, it's been an amazing ten weeks.

They've worked really hard and they've done really well,

working on their own issues related to weight, diet and health.

Things like these don't happen to people like me and Jane.

It's been a life-changing experience.

But this is actually probably the most critical point,

coming back together

because it's how they now manage together as a couple again

that will determine whether they can sustain this

for their healthy future.

The anticipation's killing me!

To celebrate their reunion,

I've invited along family and friends to surprise them.

MUSIC: How You Like Me Now? by The Heavy

CHEERING

-Hello.

-How are you?

-You look amazing.

Thank you. I feel great. Honestly, I feel good.

You look amazing. Can you believe you have got here?

I've had a couple of blips along the way, I'm not denying that,

but that's my mates' fault.

THEY LAUGH

What was the lowest point?

What was the toughest part of this for you?

-I have missed Jane.

-You have missed Jane.

I have missed her, yes, I have missed her.

You have missed Jane. I think you should meet her.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

I missed you. I missed you!

You don't look like you.

You look amazing. You look lovely.

You done brilliant. I'm really proud of you.

Really, really proud of you.

Hello.

You look amazing. I love this hair.

-Right so, welcome back to each other.

-Thank you.

What do you think, Bob? How does your lady look?

She looks lovely, she looks stunning.

She looked like Aphrodite coming down there.

Absolutely! Because when we met you, things were really not good,

so now it's for Rick to tell you how he thinks you've done.

Jane, ten weeks ago when we first met,

I set for you a goal of one-and-a-half stone in ten weeks.

You absolutely smashed it

and lost two stone in those ten weeks.

APPLAUSE

When we first met and I did those tests on your liver,

we found that your liver was quite distressed.

The key thing with vital organs is they don't always repair

and once they become damaged they can stay permanently so.

I redid your liver tests

and not only is your liver not distressed,

it works perfectly.

Bob, I said to you I wanted you to lose one-and-a-half stone.

And you have lost...

..just under three stone in ten weeks.

I'd like you both now to have a think

and very briefly make your pledge to each other now.

My pledge to you, love, is I'm... I'm going to help you

more around the house.

I'm going to treat you better.

And I'm going to look after you better.

And my pledge to you is, I have changed.

I wanted to get the girl back that I was that you met

all them years ago because she got lost along the way.

I don't need the drink any more.

-MAN:

-Good girl. Well done!

And she's a stronger, fitter person.

Good for you, love. Well done.

The zest I have for life now is totally different.

I used to think it was my age, that I was tired, I couldn't be bothered.

It wasn't, it was an unhealthy lifestyle.

We've gone from going nowhere to back in the fast lane.

Get off!

Since being reunited, Bob and Jane are continuing

to put in the hard work.

Give us a piggy back?

SHE LAUGHS

Together, they are eating healthily

and the 25 bottles of wine they drank a week

are now a distant memory.

-Look at this!

-What?

-This is what we've had in a weekend!

-I know. It's good, isn't it?

Even the refuse men are, like, bringing me flowers now

because they don't have to load all them bottles up!

I feel like we've got our life back again.

And they're continuing to drop the weight.

Jane has now lost a total of three stone.

I needed to be away from him to get my confidence back.

And Bob's down by three-and-a-half stone.

I think I needed to miss Jane again.

I wanted to get back to what it was like when we first met

and the separation done that for me.

But it's not all been plain sailing.

They've had an argument after Bob went down to the pub.

I'm on my way to see them

because I'm curious to know how they dealt with it as a couple.

I thought, "Oh, no, you're falling back into old ways,"

-and I didn't like it.

-Your words were "Well, you haven't changed."

And then I said, "Mm, you haven't changed."

But actually what you were doing was controlled drinking?

It wasn't one, two, three, four, it was one and one only.

-It hurt me.

-Yeah, it did.

-Because I have changed.

What we did was we discussed it and rather than just...

Just go into silent treatment, like we used to.

Yeah. And I thought, y'know...

And that's one of the worst things we used to do

because when you go to silent treatment,

things start building up and up and up and up and then...

It sounds like your communication is better than it was.

-Oh, leaps and bounds, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Instead of flying off the handle, I know that things well up in you

-and, you know, there is times it's going to...

-Yeah.

But I just take a little step back and I think, "Hang on a minute.

"I don't want to go back to the way we were."

And that's what I keep focused in my head.

It's going forward now. Can't change the past,

but I can do something about the future.

That's good. That makes me happy.

That makes me feel you're really connecting back as a couple.

This is the person I fell in love with 15 years ago

and it's the person I've got back again.

And it's the person I want to be with.

Yeah? Just walk.

-Put some steps into it!

-You know what?

-What?

-I love you.

-Love you too.

THEY KISS

Next time, Steve and Lisa's unhealthy lifestyle...

Let's hope we've got enough.

..has left them with a tough choice.

Life or death.

-Children or no children.

-Yeah.

Will separating them for ten weeks...

-Oh, my life!

-..help get them back on track?

Seven, eight...

Apparently, I'll start enjoying this soon.

It feels like the ultimate failure.

That's how I want you to train from this day forward.

I'm not convinced that I can do it.