Episode 4 Lose Weight for Love

Obesity in Britain has reached crisis level, but for many couples

there's one thing that stops them from beating it - each other.

You don't feel so bad, I think, if you've got a partner in crime.

Stuck in a rut of poor diets and overeating,

it's threatening not only their health, but their relationships.

You try to sabotage every time I try to lose weight.

It's causing us to have the relationship break up,

-which is what we don't want.

-Yeah.

I'm Professor Tanya Byron. I'm a clinical psychologist.

I want to try something radical and new.

Oh, my God!

Four overweight couples have agreed to live apart.

-We're going to do this, aren't we?

-I love you.

Because I'm going to separate them.

Couples stuck in an unhealthy rut can be each other's worst enemies,

so the theory is, dramatic change happens first

when we separate the couple.

I'm glad that he is a bit scared. I am.

Each week I'll work with one couple to try to get

to the root of what's behind their overeating.

Only when they are away from each other

can they start to tackle their demons.

This is my worst nightmare, this.

And through a health and fitness plan

we'll try to change them for good...

Let's go!

I've got big feet - this is a disadvantage.

..and break their bad habits.

Broccoli.

Will living apart from each other

for ten weeks finally succeed when everything else has failed?

I've wanted to give up at least seven times a day every day.

If it doesn't work and he's not changed,

then me and Pete aren't going to work.

Lisa and Steve live in west London with their dog Branwell,

right next to the church where Steve is a community minister

and Lisa runs the children's groups.

Oops-a-daisy!

They met at a church disco when they were just teenagers.

I was 16 and Steve was a little bit older.

We saw each other on the other side of the room.

-It was love at first sight, I think.

-Aww, that's nice!

But in the 17 years they have been together,

Steve has put on around 40 pounds and is now 16.5 stone,

while Lisa has increased her weight to 22.5 stone.

I want to beat it. I want to not let this be something that defines me.

We're at the stage where we're like, OK,

enough is enough.

The problem is that life revolves around food.

The quantity is our big downfall and big weakness.

We are so used to overeating that that has become the new norm.

And where better to overeat than at an all-you-can-eat buffet

where they are regular visitors?

I think I'm the bad influence. It's normally me

that goes, "Let's eat out rather than at home."

-Saves washing up for lunch.

-LISA LAUGHS

You feel you just want to try a bit of everything.

Bit like not wanting to miss out.

-And you certainly want to get your money's worth.

-Yeah.

Now Lisa's weight is getting in the way of her biggest desire.

I've lost my mum!

I would really like to have children.

I love being around them and, yeah, I think I'm good with kids.

"Oh, she's big," said the monkey.

'I think Steve will be a brilliant dad.'

This is our dressing-up corner.

I think because I was adopted, that there is that nurturing

and nesting sort of feeling that you want children of your own.

Ten years ago they came close.

I became pregnant and had a miscarriage.

It just felt like the rug was pulled from under your feet.

Um...

It is tremendously painful.

But now at 22.5 stone, the notion of pregnancy

is daunting for her.

It wouldn't be healthy for me to be pregnant,

so that's quite scary to think that we might have to go through

that kind of pain again.

A study has shown that obesity

can increase the risk of miscarriage by around 65%.

We want it to happen. I want it to happen,

but to get down to a healthy weight feels kind of ginormous amount

to kind of lose, so I don't know if I want to set myself up to fail.

The fear of failing has caused them

to turn to yet more food for comfort.

Let's hope we've got enough.

But cakes are the last thing that Steve needs.

Along with 3.5 million others in the UK,

his poor diet means he has developed Type 2 diabetes.

When he was first diagnosed with diabetes,

there was a lot of fear at that kind of time.

He was quite seriously poorly

and that was quite a scary kind of time.

If he doesn't monitor his blood sugar closely,

Steve is five times more likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease,

such as a stroke, than someone without diabetes.

There are times when I just look at little old couples sitting on

a bench and thinking that actually I would like that.

That sort of knowing that at our size there is a big risk that

that's not going to be us.

We're not going to be 80-year-olds sitting on a park bench.

But even knowing they may not grow old together

doesn't seem enough to make them change.

'You don't feel so bad, I think, if you've got a partner in crime.'

I think that's part of what we are, partners in crime with each other.

Trapped in a cycle of overeating,

Steve and Lisa are taking the extraordinary step

of separating for ten weeks.

Something needs to change for us to get thinner and healthier.

It's exciting.

-And scary.

-Yeah.

Today, I'm meeting Steve and Lisa with my team

for our first assessment.

In relationships, however much we love each other

we can be each other's worst enemy, in terms of our health,

in terms of our lifestyle, in terms of our weight,

and so separating couples can be very useful,

because for the couple to function, what they need to do

is first address these issues in themselves,

then when they come back together, they work it out as a couple.

It suddenly feels very real.

This is kind of the moment of truth.

Helping me crack their embedded bad habits

is behavioural scientist Professor Paul Dolan,

and physiologist Rick Shakes-Braithwaite,

who will give them a full medical

to help him design a diet and fitness programme

tailor-made for each of them to follow during the separation.

That is your heart right there.

Steve and Lisa will soon find out the true state of their health.

-How are you with needles?

-Not greatly fond of them.

The real reason I want a blood test from you today is to look at your blood sugar level.

High blood sugar in diabetics - hyperglycaemia -

can lead to a diabetic coma which, left untreated, can be fatal.

Hold on to these conductors.

We're not going to ever just check overall weight,

were going to check to see what's changing.

Are you putting on more muscle tissue, are you losing body fat?

Studies show that as a woman's body mass index increases,

the chances that she will conceive decrease drastically.

I'm going to have a good time to look at that,

then I'm going to tell you all the results, OK?

We are so happy to have you. Thank you so much for doing this.

I want to understand why you've got to this point in your lives.

I think we've known that we're overweight,

but we haven't found the motivation

or the thing that's needed to sort that out.

Something has to change now if we want to enjoy life for longer.

OK, so we've got... we've got some results for you.

Lisa, you have far too much visceral, or active, fat.

Toxic fat. It surrounds your organs,

It runs a very - not mildly, a VERY high-risk

of developing diabetes, heart disease,

stroke and even Alzheimer's.

Steve, your blood sugar levels were raised.

Normal figures are between four and seven.

Where do you think it came back at?

Um... I wouldn't be surprised

if it was round about 17, 15-17 mark.

OK, how about if it was 24?

That is, yeah, higher than I was expecting.

It's a lot higher.

-You were hospitalised with high blood sugar levels before.

-Yes.

-What were the numbers when you were in hospital?

-It was 30.

30. You were put in hospital for figures that were

just above the figures you're running at currently.

How worried are you about your own health and about each other's?

I worry what his sugars kind of are, but the interesting thing is,

I obviously don't worry enough because I still feed him cake

because, that's... I know, isn't that ridiculous?

-Your husband is diabetic, you worry about that...

-Yeah.

..but you'll bake him cake.

Um...

It's that... It's...

I don't know.

I want to find ways that show Steve

-that I love him...

-Yes.

..but it's that realisation that some of them...

That's quite ridiculous, isn't it, feeding cake to a diabetic?

So it's that...

It's just...

Yeah, a ridiculous sort of love, in a way.

It's love, it's YOUR love.

Here, I'm going to give you these.

But also, remember, it's Steve's job,

as a diabetic, to check his sugar levels and say,

"No, I can't have the cake now."

So don't blame yourself for all of it.

You know, we don't really change anything

unless we have real incentive to change.

And you had that shock.

And you did change whilst the shock was in place,

but then you just fall back into the patterns of before,

and we're going to explore some of these really engrained habits

and start some new ones afresh.

And how important is it for this to work?

You don't see many people of our size at an older age.

And we'd love to have a family and kind of time is ticking on that.

We have to start that process now, we should've started it earlier.

Life or death. Children or no children.

Yeah.

I don't want to look back in ten years' time, 20 years' time,

and go, "I should've done something.

"We didn't make changes that we could've done," and regret that.

If we don't do something,

we will get to the point where we look back and it's too late.

OK, so we've got big goals and we've got a lot to work on,

but I'm just going to give you some time to say goodbye to each other.

Think about that, and then it's time to start our project together.

-(I love you.

-I love you too.)

-(I really love you.

-Bye.)

-(Gosh, what will we look like in ten weeks?

-I know.)

Lisa and Steve will not set eyes on each other for ten weeks,

and to give them time to concentrate on themselves,

I've asked them not to make any contact for the first two weeks.

But I know it's not going to be easy.

I will miss her intently,

and I think that will just intensify as the weeks go on.

I kind of think I look after Steve too much.

Maybe you're a natural mum,

and that's what you so want.

I think I do it for lots of other people,

-and lots of other people's kids.

-Yeah.

But...yeah, not our own kids.

-So that's what we are going to work towards.

-Yeah.

Lisa is a stickler for the rules, so she will stick to the rules.

I... My natural reaction is to rebel.

But will this reluctance to follow rules

prevent Steve from really changing?

While Steve stays at home,

Lisa will live a few miles away in a friend's studio.

-So this is my home for the next...

-SHE PANTS

Excuse me while I catch my breath.

..for the next ten weeks.

Strange...but good.

Before they separated, they each kept a food diary.

And Rick is worried by the kinds of foods Steve is used to eating.

Steve's diet is absolutely shocking.

There is way too much unhealthy fat in there,

there's too much processed food and way too much sugar.

Rick suspects that Steve doesn't take responsibility

for himself or his diabetes, and is on his way to see him.

Steve blames Lisa for this terrible diet,

but is it really all her fault? I'm going to find out

and look in the one place Steve can't hold Lisa responsible,

and that's his car.

DOORBELL

-Hey, Steve, how are you?

-Hello, Rick.

-Come in.

So I've been told you tend to snack on sugary snacks

in the car. Do you mind if we have a look in the car?

Yeah, that's fine.

OK, some Transformers, a Kit Kat...

I'm not even sure what was in there. I think it was a samosa.

-Whatever it was, it's soaked through with oil.

-Yeah.

There is crisps again, Twiglets, a Cornish pasty...

-A Cornish pasty.

-A packet of Haribo.

A pork sausage roll. Nothing in glove compartments?

-No, nothing.

-This is enough as it is.

Did you eat all that in one sitting?

Um, I can't remember. Probably.

So you had a whole packet of Haribo in one sitting.

The key thing is there, with the food diary, you're saying,

"Oh, but Lisa has these in the house."

Lisa didn't buy it.

This was you unconsciously eating loads and loads of sugar.

These sweets explain Steve's high blood sugar levels,

and the food diary throws up a few other surprises too.

Looking at one day in your food diary - the Monday, for instance.

We're going to look at these different foods - tiramisu,

chocolate mousse - my favourite too - chocolate biscuits...

Obviously have lots of sugars,

but there's lots of other foods that have sugars in them as well.

Fried chicken - lots of sugar in here as well.

That's why it's so tasty.

How many teaspoons of sugar do you think you had in that day?

I'd probably say about 10 or 11.

One, two, three...ten,

your estimate, 11,

22, 23, 30, 31 and 32 teaspoons of sugar.

Way above any safe level for a diabetic person to be eating.

I suppose it's the hidden sugars, the not obvious ones,

that you tend to forget about.

From now on, Rick wants Steve to take responsibility

for his own diet and measure his blood sugar levels daily.

So that's 11.2.

Let me put that into perspective -

two hours after having eaten, I would want your blood sugar level

to be no more than nine.

There's too much sugar in your bloodstream

and the body's not responding to it at all, so there's just

too much sugar floating around inside and that has to be stopped.

To help him lower his blood sugar levels, Steve is given a food plan

designed by a dietician specifically for him.

But in this house, Lisa used to do the cooking,

so Steve has drafted in family friend Louise to help.

Just looking at Steve's food plan, so we've got here

that he's allowed 50g uncooked.

The plan contains all the major food groups,

but as Steve overeats, the key here is portion size.

That's the same size as what

my four-year-old daughter would be eating.

She's probably eating too much, then, isn't she?!

-Steve?

-Yep?

-That's your portion.

-Wow.

Is that going to fill you?

Almost a waste of dirtying a plate. Um...

A few miles away, Lisa has also been given a food plan.

There are no banned foods, but her daily allowance has been cut

from her usual 4,000 to around 1,500 calories a day,

and it involves measuring everything to the last gram.

The only time I would weigh things

is when baking cakes, so baking is precise.

So, very familiar with weighing stuff,

but I wouldn't ever do that for dinner.

Now that she is on her own, I can begin to tackle

her individual issues that sit behind

her struggle with diet and weight.

-Hey.

-Hello, good morning.

-How're you doing?

-I'm all right, thank you. How are you?

So yeah, all the way to the top.

-Well, Rick will be pleased with the stairs.

-Yeah!

OK, so how's it going?

I'm quite anxious about getting the food right.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. If I set myself a target...

..and don't achieve it, I hate that. The fear of failure is really real.

And is this something you're used to kicking into,

-this fear of failure?

-Yeah.

-Right.

The need to be in control and plan

-and those kind of things.

-Absolutely.

Because that then lessens the chance of failure.

Or maybe it heightens it, because you could argue

a fear of failure creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

-It's not ridiculous, this is you!

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And one of the things I remember you saying we first met

was, this is for you, something about being able to have children.

Yeah. I guess it symbolises the unfulfilled kind of dream,

I guess.

Why hasn't my desire to have a family

motivated me to lose the weight?

That's a really hard question.

That makes you sad.

Yeah, and that's what I can't answer.

Do actually, deep down, do I not actually want a family?

I know I'm scared of being pregnant.

That does scare me,

because it...you know,

it ended in a miscarriage last time.

-And the pain of that...

-Mm.

Um, I guess I must be...rubbish or broken in some way.

You're rubbish, are you?

That's what you feel about yourself? You're rubbish, you're broken?

Because, if we want a family,

-and Steve desperately wants a family...

-Mm.

But then the question is still

why the hell can't I do something about it?

I think you absolutely beat yourself up if you don't do things right.

The expectation you have for yourself is brutal.

'She's such a kind, lovely, loving person,'

but really struggles, you know, with this huge

kind of fear of failure and these expectations she has for herself.

So to help her understand that and to challenge this notion

and to give herself a break, I think would be quite significant

in helping her not just lose the weight

but maintain a new and healthy lifestyle.

Today, Lisa's new healthy lifestyle steps up a gear.

The trainers are going on today because Rick is on his way.

I've no idea what is about to happen,

but just anticipating discomfort.

Nice and high.

OK, and kick the legs back a little bit for me.

Rick has created an exercise programme

that he hopes will help her lose an average of two pounds a week.

As Lisa's not used to doing any exercise,

he starts with the simple act of walking.

We'll stop every so often. If your feet hurt, you tell me straightaway.

If anything hurts, you tell me straightaway, OK? Let's go.

I need you for the next ten minutes to walk at a pace

slightly above your normal walking pace,

so I need to know what that is.

Some people walk extremely fast.

Yeah, no, not me.

Walking at a fast pace provides many of the same benefits as running,

but with less impact on the joints.

Rick hopes It will not only help build up Lisa's overall fitness

but she will burn calories as well.

Walking at about 4mph for 40 minutes every day

can burn between 150 and 220 calories.

We haven't gone very far and I was out of breath.

So, that's not so good.

I can't imagine choosing to do this for myself.

But if Lisa really wants to lose the weight, she has no choice.

When I worked out exactly how much body fat you need to lose,

it came up to 9.5 stone.

That's like a person.

I want you to take that 9.5 stone and throw it far into the future,

-somewhere between 18 months and 22 months.

-Yeah.

Today, I want you to focus on 1.5 to two pounds every week.

That's what we're churning out, that's what we're working on,

step by step, day by day, week by week.

-It feels like a huge, unachievable mountain.

-Sure.

But it is very much achievable, all right?

It's the second week.

Go get it.

A key part of changing eating habits

is to eat at regular times.

Branwell!

But Rick has already discovered from looking in Steve's car

that he likes to binge on lots of sweet things.

If he's going to get his blood sugar levels under control,

he needs to follow a routine that stops this chaotic eating,

but as a self-confessed rebel,

Steve is not a man for obeying rules.

So, I've asked behaviour specialist Paul Dolan to help him

come up with a daily plan.

Does that say "Week Planner"?

It does, I didn't even know that was there, if I'm honest,

it's part of the furniture.

You've got all fridge magnets and everything else all over it!

So what we're trying to do here,

is to give some structure to your day, to your week, so let's write

this down, in fact not, "let's write it down" - YOU write it down.

It's really important it comes from you, that you take ownership of it.

If you put eight o'clock B&B, is "breakfast and Branwell".

And I want you to tick off

every time you do what you say you're going to

and that will feel good

and hopefully then you'll carry on doing it.

What do you think Lisa will make of this when she comes back

and sees this?

Yeah, she'll probably be happy, she kind of likes lists.

Each time we've worked with a rota before, it kind of works.

It's just I hate it, and so...

These are all things that you've said

that will make you healthier and happier, if you do them.

Yeah, I just need to get over the fact it's a list.

I think it takes me back to my school with homework diaries

and that whole sort of thing, yeah,

literally writing out your prep book.

And I got invited to leave that school.

All you're doing with this is making it easier for you to do the

things that are going to make you happier and healthier, that's it.

Yeah, I get your points,

just something in here doesn't quite say "yay", at the moment.

I mean, OK, it's breakfast at eight, it's just breakfast at eight.

-That's it.

-It's that in my head, that, it...

It makes it seem like breakfast is a chore that needs to be done.

Two months is the time it takes to change a health habit,

some of the evidence suggests, so this gives us time

to think of breakfast as something that you've always done.

Yeah, just breakfast.

But it seems that even a small suggested change

can make Steve feel uncomfortable.

I kind of don't like being pinned down to the finer points,

the finer details, so breakfast needs to happen in the day -

does it have to happen at eight o'clock every day?

It's a list, and as much as it's all good things on the list,

it still feels like it sucks the joy out of life, because it's a list.

Across town, Lisa has been set a target of losing two pounds a week.

I know that she likes a challenge,

but I'm worried that her fear of failure may hamper her progress.

So I've asked Paul to pop round to give Lisa an added incentive

to help her complete the challenge.

Let's think about what target you might like to achieve

if we thought about the next four weeks.

The food plan is meant to be, like, for two pounds a week, erm...

and I'm meant to be happy with that.

Right. Clearly you're not going to be. OK.

So, what if we said three pound a week?

-Feels like a bit of a stretch, makes me a bit nervous...

-Right.

..because there's room for failing in that, I think.

There is, but you could do it.

Yeah.

Paul believes that making a public commitment

will spur her on for the next four weeks.

Maybe add an incentive into it. How about giving money to

an anti-charity, to somewhere you loathe

rather than somewhere you love,

in the event that you don't achieve your targets?

I would hate that!

So, if you hate it, it acts as a real motivation.

The pain of seeing the money go to them is motivating for you to...

-No way!

-..to achieve your target, how about that?

Do you want to give that a go?

OK. The pressure!

I feel the pressure of that!

What do you think the maximum you could afford would be?

100 quid feels painful.

If Lisa loses the bet, she'll have to donate

the money to a political party she doesn't support.

-And in four weeks' time, if you've lost 12 pounds or more...

-Yeah.

-..you can have it back.

-OK.

90...

-£100.

-£100, right.

Sometimes pain or the anticipation of pain can be quite motivating.

She really doesn't want to give them the money

and so it gives her that extra kick to achieve her target.

We're going all the way to the top of the house, I'm afraid.

Yeah, yeah, there's quite a few stairs to get up.

It's the end of week two

and spurred on by her bet with Paul,

Lisa has arranged for an exercise bike at home.

Riding a stationary bike every day for around 45 minutes

at a moderate pace

can burn around 350 calories.

Perfect!

Yeah, it's got measuring things and gadgets on it.

There we go. Much more positive about this

than the stinky walking.

SHE COUGHS

Meanwhile, Steve is following instructions

to monitor his blood sugar levels.

At its last reading it was 11.2.

But today, he is hoping for a single figure...

Eight! Rick should be pleased.

I think normal people's blood sugar is between four and seven,

but for diabetics it fluctuates throughout the day more than normal.

So that's come down remarkably well.

But although Lisa is throwing herself into the project,

she is feeling the separation keenly.

I'm worried and anxious about...

how this continues.

Erm...I think I probably could just do with a hug from Steve,

a bit of a play with Branwell.

A bit of normal life.

Yeah. Well, I'll talk to Steve about it.

A bit of reassurance, I think.

It's two weeks down and Lisa decides it's time to weigh herself.

Is she keeping up with Paul's challenge?

21.10 and ¾.

So almost eight pounds.

That's all right.

If she carries on at this rate, she will win her bet with Paul.

For Steve, however, it's not such good news...

Oh, that's up three-and-half pounds.

A bit disappointing. I have had a bad day yesterday where I over-ate.

But I realised, after I'd eaten again,

that I was comfort eating.

Erm, because...

Yeah, I think it was Paul's visit and the lists.

So I found myself just that little bit knocked.

I'm a person... I doesn't like being told what to do.

Steve isn't doing as well as I'd hoped

and I'm concerned his attitude to making real change

may destabilize everything.

But today, Steve and Lisa are allowed their first phone call

since the separation.

I'm really excited! I feel like a giddy schoolgirl.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, that's her now.

Hey, Boo.

'Hi!'

-How are you?

-I'm all right, how are you?

Yeah, good. Good, thanks.

Yeah, how's it all been going?

There's been a number of times I've nearly called you.

'I think I've really needed a hug, that's what I've needed.'

So I was just like, "Where's Steve? I need him to hug me."

Yeah.

-Have you had to do any strange things?

-Lists.

-You've had to write a list?

-'Yeah.'

Basically, yeah. Writing a list.

So everything I've been saying to you for 17 years about lists...

they've got you doing in two weeks?

'Well, I'm only doing it'

because I've promised to do it.

I'm not enjoying it.

Yeah, you know how I feel about lists.

SHE LAUGHS

-Well, I probably should say goodbye, then.

-'Yes.'

And I'll speak to you next week.

Cool. I love you very, very much.

-'I love you, too.'

-All right.

-'Take care.'

-Bye!

So it was just lovely to hear his voice.

I find it hilarious that he's got to make lists

and we've got charts and things.

I think that's really funny.

I've been after him making lists for ages.

So, yeah, that's really funny.

But I think I will still enjoy kind of the space to get my head around

what's going on and what I've got to do to change

and make this work kind of long-term, so...

But really good to hear his voice.

It's three weeks into the separation.

I'm reassured that Lisa believes in the benefit of time apart from Steve

and now I'd like to help her come to terms

with an extremely painful episode in her life.

I've discovered that ten years ago Lisa had a miscarriage,

and for anyone, that can be a traumatic experience.

She described herself as being "broken" by it.

We were, at erm, kind of ten-and-half weeks at that stage.

I had morning sickness.

-It felt established?

-Yeah.

We were super excited by it. We were really pleased.

We went for a scan

and at that point they couldn't find a heartbeat. Erm...

-Do you remember that moment?

-Yeah.

Because we were excited.

We thought we were going to be able to leave with a photo,

you know, a scan of our, erm...

-Your child.

-Yeah. Yeah.

It's the saddest thing that's ever happened to me, for sure.

I think one of the things about miscarriage is it's that hope,

that hope of a baby.

Erm, that is...severed in that moment.

It's that stuff that explains why a really smart, loving, caring,

sensible, rational woman like you

-struggles so much...

-Yeah.

..to get to a state of health and fitness that you want to be at...

..but it feels fraught with anxiety for you.

And is that because it opens the door

to the possibility to going back into a situation

that perhaps again could be unbelievably painful for you?

Yeah.

And that scares you?

It feels like the ultimate failure.

I think, maybe for you, weight...

..is emotionally protective.

And so I think what you're saying is...

"To lose this weight, I'm letting all my defences down."

I get it, I completely understand why weight loss for you

is something rationally you want to do,

but emotionally it absolutely does your head in

cos it takes you to this place where you're terrified.

For you to free yourself up from this self-blame...

If you can let go of that,

in a way, I think you can successfully become fit again,

because you know, when you become fit,

baby's on the agenda again.

It's about taking a risk.

It's all right, darling. Just breathe.

For Lisa, her miscarriage seems to have trapped her

and stopped her from making positive changes in her life.

I'd like to show her that, to move on from there,

she has to be brave enough to take risks.

It's three weeks into the separation.

Rick has asked Steve to run, but it doesn't come naturally to him.

So today, his friend Louise has dragged him out.

-How are you feeling?

-Yeah, tired.

Oh...!

It's probably nearly 20 years since I've last done something like that.

Yeah, apparently, I will start enjoying this soon.

Well done, Steve.

Change is never going to be easy,

but if he is going to change his lifestyle

before he gets back with Lisa,

he needs to try to stick to the guidelines.

I did have a slip-up last week.

-What was that?

-So I had a bowl of cereal.

-So outside of...?

-Outside of the normal meal plan.

So its failing back into that old habit of comfort eating.

And I think, yeah, that was borne out of frustration.

It seems like there's a lot of rules that you've got to follow in this.

Yeah, there is.

For me, if there's rules, they're a rough guideline.

-To be broken.

-Yeah.

Steve may have only been eating cereal outside his meal plan,

which he says is comfort eating,

but I'd like to address this.

It's part of his dislike of routines and lists.

Steve didn't like following school rules, either,

and was asked to leave.

So today, I'm taking him back there.

How long since you've been here?

-Nearly 30 years.

-Oh, my gosh!

-It literally is, 28, 29 years.

-Right.

So this is the old physics lab.

Hello.

-We're just...

-Hi!

-Do you...?

-Yes. This is Mr Judd.

My old chemistry teacher.

Hello, Mr Judd.

Wow. How nice to meet you.

-Yes, it's good to see you.

-Remind me of your name.

-It's Steve Macbeth.

-Steve...

-Long time no see, Steve.

-Yes, nearly 30 years.

-Really?

Yeah, Mr Judd was the person that gave me my first detention.

I know we spoke about this.

Can you remember what it was for?

Erm, to be perfectly honest, I can't. Can you remind me?

I can. Someone farted in chemistry and I found it hysterical

and I couldn't stop laughing.

And so, I think in order to gain control of the class,

you gave me a detention.

-Everyone else stopped laughing at that stage.

-Really?

Including me - I think I cried.

And what do you remember about Reading School?

It's fond memories.

Apart from, obviously, being constantly in trouble,

having detention after detention.

How many detentions did you have?

-It was 52.

-52?!

-Over.

-52?

He generally didn't like conforming with

the rules and regulations that we had.

And I think you said you were sort of asked to leave.

-I was invited to leave the school.

-Invited to leave.

Invited to leave the school.

So an 11-year-old boy, bright, you know,

quality of work really good, but just...

What did he say?

An issue with authority.

I just really want to hear you

kind of help me understand why I know there have been moments

where you have felt irritated with some of the kind of interventions,

which I think sits around you

feeling like you're being told what to do.

I think the struggle for that is in my head.

Then that makes what I'm doing not enjoyable,

because I'm not doing it for me,

I'm not doing it for my weight loss,

I'm not doing it to structure my life.

I'm doing it because I've been told this is what we need to do

because that's been, that's the homework that's been set,

so we're doing that.

You've been checked and monitored

a bit like the kid who didn't hand in his homework.

Yeah, a bit like that. So if you don't hand it in

you're just going to get done for not handing it in,

not for not being good enough for doing it.

I take a lot of criticism to heart.

I think it goes back to primary school

and knowing that growing up,

that technically you were unwanted as a child.

What does that mean?

In primary school, you had kids going,

"I'd rather be dead than adopted."

So you were bullied for being adopted.

There was... Yeah. And that does get to you after a while.

You realise it's you against the world.

I do see this 11-year-old boy, I see him.

I see him sometimes going...

"make me."

My fear is, unless we can try and address that a bit...

..that's the bit that's going to kick in.

And when we leave, it's all going to unravel again

because, unless you take ownership and it becomes yours,

if it feels like we've told you to do it,

-eventually you'll stop doing it...

-Yeah.

..and you'll sabotage it and you'll be "invited to leave".

You know what I mean?

And I do think that part of you is kind of instrumental

in possibly why this hasn't worked sustainably for you in the past.

I think Steve has kind of got to a point

where he understands

what is actually very common in a lot of people

who struggle to maintain positive behaviour change.

Behaviour change is not difficult.

Sustaining behaviour change is difficult.

And my concern for Steve, moving forward,

is if he finds himself plateauing or making...

having a lapse, kind of falling off the wagon a bit,

his sensitivity to being perceived as a failure is so great that

that's when he'll give up.

And that's it'll all unravel and he'll start putting weight on again.

So coming here, for him to identify that, was really, really important.

Well, today I got to go back to my old secondary school.

It was kind of cathartic.

And I had a meeting with Tanya

and, erm...that was tough,

as she doesn't fully feel

I'm buying into this whole process.

And I think she's right.

I'm not training as hard as I could.

I'm not being as regimented on the diet as I could.

My natural resistance to institutionalization

and dislike of that kind of structure.

So I'm going to try and embrace it,

look positively on it and try and learn to love it.

Meanwhile, Lisa still has her own battles

with Rick's exercise programme.

Exercise still doesn't come naturally to me.

It's sort of something I do because I feel like I should do.

I'm not choosing, really, to do it.

Erm, and...

..and the kind of the programme that I've put myself,

I do every other day,

I'm sure he'll tell me I need to do it more than that.

So he has come round to pay her a visit.

-Bend your knees more, get your bum almost to the ground.

-I can't!

Squat down. You can. Come on, let's go.

Bend your knees right down.

Bend your knees. Bend your knees. Come down with me.

-How does that feel?

-Painful.

Painful.

One more to go. You can do this. Focus.

Get your bum to the ground, bend your knees, push up.

-How long have you been working out for?

-I have no idea.

-You think my brain can work?

-Eight minutes.

-Really?

Eight minutes of workout. You've got a lot more work to do, OK?

It feels like she's only persevering with the exercises

because I'm here. And I worry that when she's by herself

that's not going to happen and she's going to give up

and abandon these exercises altogether.

That was rubbish.

-A goal would be to try and do two in that 20 seconds.

-Really?

Yeah, really.

There's something in her that is preventing her from moving forward.

As she fails, she just gives up.

She becomes disheartened and she abandons the whole thing.

And I can see that that's going to happen here.

You can do this. Come on, keep going, keep going.

I think I just, erm...

get frustrated at what I can't do.

Just because you can't do something very well

doesn't mean you don't keep trying.

You've got to keep trying.

And I worry that if you don't keep trying and pushing through that

and getting through that barrier

that you're going to not do the exercises at all.

Unless Lisa conquers her fear of failing now,

I'm worried she'll fall back into her old ways

when she gets back with Steve in just five weeks' time.

Back home, he is embracing the food plan

and is carefully watching exactly what he eats.

Zucchini or courgettes noodles.

Zoodles, as they are called in America.

I'm so pleased that Steve's finally taken control of his own diet.

This healthy eating will have a positive effect

on his blood sugar levels

as well as helping him to lose weight.

It's the end of the fifth week,

and halfway through the separation,

and today I have brought Lisa to Derbyshire.

Whoa...!

That's some slippery rock!

She is still battling with her fears of failure.

So I want to try something.

What are we doing? Are we doing that?!

From here, it looks like a long way up.

I want her to conquer a hill climb she attempted five years ago,

but couldn't complete.

What do you remember of this last time you did this walk?

There are hidden boulders over there

and the only way up is to kind of clamber up them

and I just couldn't do them.

And so I think I avoid things like this

in case it reaches the point where I can't do it.

You avoid things that feel risky,

challenging, or too big for you.

Yeah.

Is it hard?

My memory of it is that, yeah, it's proper hard.

And I'm lighter now than what I was

but I'm not convinced that I can do it.

But if she can do it,

I think it could change everything for Lisa.

Throughout the separation her anxiety has controlled her actions

and I think stopped her from achieving her goals.

-Whoa...!

-Yes!

By conquering the peak this time,

I hope she can change that mind-set for good.

-Are you up?

-Yeah, I think so.

-OK.

But as we reach the point where Lisa gave up before,

her fear of failure begins to take over.

What are you thinking?

Going back feels like an option right now.

There's less...

..determination to keep going forward.

For what it's worth, I believe you can.

Do you want to take my hand? Shall we give it a go?

You're still climbing.

You've done it.

What does that feel like?

This is about choice and...

-..determination.

-Mm, yeah.

So do you think it's time for the procrastination to end?

Yeah.

Maybe I'll come and do it again,

with a baby in tow, with a toddler

or a little one of some sort.

Come and do these rocks together.

Weight and weight issues,

it's not just about food and eating.

It really is about...

issues that sit behind why we eat,

why we use food in the way that we do.

And I think today for Lisa, she's overcome so many fears,

she's understood the role of anxiety in her life,

holding her back from so many things that she wants to do

and wants to achieve.

And that feels really good.

Today, Paul is on his way to see Lisa.

The last time they met, Lisa bet Paul she could lose 12 pounds

over the following four weeks.

And today they find out if she has achieved her goal.

This is moment of truth for Lisa.

Has she lost 12 pound in weight or is she going to lose £100 sterling?

I really hope she's lost the weight

because she's such a perfectionist that, if she hasn't,

she's very likely to throw the towel in.

OK...

So what is that, then?

-That's nine pounds.

-Yeah.

I mean, let's be fair. That's a good...

Let's be fair, that's a good weight loss.

In four weeks, that's a nice, healthy weight loss.

So that's the positive.

Of course, the negative is now that it's three pound less

than you committed to losing.

-So I think we're going to have to get your money and...

-Oh...!

..go and post it.

Gutted!

I don't know if I can do this. This feels like failing.

Erm...and I don't want to fail in this.

I think you're a bit of a gambling man.

I get that feeling.

So I wonder if we can, I don't know, play double or quits or something?

-Double or quits? £200 or nothing?

-Yeah.

If I want to achieve my long-term goal by the end of the project,

-if I want to see that 19 number, I need to step it up...

-OK.

..otherwise I'm not going to get to that goal.

-So you're going to get me another £100 to put with that 100?

-Yep.

Take this 100 out, ready...

I hope Lisa's perfectionism won't allow her to lose the bet,

but to win she must now shed five pounds a week.

-Achievable but challenging this target, Lise.

-Yeah.

-You going to do it?

-Yep, for sure.

Since our trip to his old school,

it seems that Steve has turned over a new leaf.

But will a coffee morning at work resurrect some old habits?

-Did you want some of the quiche?

-Some of the quiche.

I've asked Rick to pop round

and keep a close eye on what he's eating.

-How's it going? Nice to meet you.

-Good to see you

I'm here to spy. What has he been eating out of this?

-He has been pretty good today, he's had salad.

-Good.

-He's had the baked chicken instead of the fried.

-Good.

There was one place you used to cheat a little bit

-and we're going to check it out now.

-The car?

-You know what I'm talking about, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Shall we go and check out the car?

-Let's go check out the car.

OK, cool. Let's go.

Eating in the car that you used to do

-wasn't so much cheating as it was unconscious eating.

-Yes.

You were grabbing for that quick fix,

-but it was high in sugar, it was high in fat...

-Yeah.

..and it just was not good for you,

it was adding a lot to the midriff here.

What have we got now? Let's have a look.

Apart from a few doggy biscuits and things in the back,

there's still all the parking...

OK, a parking ticket.

-And I think a sugar-free mint is the...

-A sugar-free mint?

Have you noticed they're diabetic?

Only diabetic-friendly, so there's still calories, but...

Excellent, that's fine. You've really tackled this now,

you're thinking about your food plan more consciously.

You're addressing the way you eat more consciously.

When we first met Steve,

his blood sugar was dangerously high at 24 points.

It's time to test blood sugars before a meal.

So what effect has his change in diet

had on his blood sugar levels now?

5.8.

You're supposed to be between four and seven

and that is somewhere between four and seven.

Yeah, another reason to feel good about yourself.

There's just two weeks to go before Steve and Lisa

set eyes on each other again...

Whah...!

..and following our trip to the Derbyshire hills,

Lisa seems more determined than ever.

Derbyshire was good.

Getting up the cliff was a very good moment

and I didn't think I could do it.

It makes me realise I can do probably more than I think I can do.

It was about, yeah, choosing to do it

and therefore, once I'd made a choice,

gritting teeth and getting through it, so...

And that kind of becomes the link to getting pregnant again.

The reward is kind of baby and family.

I'm so pleased for Lisa.

Now that she's changed her mind-set,

I believe she will find it easier to sustain her weight loss.

Oh!

And not only that.

After nine weeks of Rick's training programme,

she's gone from being out of breath just walking

to beginning to be able to jog for a few minutes at a time.

This is amazing!

SHE LAUGHS

-You're running!

-I'm sweaty, don't get too close.

You're running! Look at you! Look at you!

I didn't expect this. I'm shocked today. Completely shocked.

-I've got muscles in my stomach!

-Can I feel?

I don't know if you can feel them, but I know they're there.

And now that Steve has his blood sugar under control

he's also going all out to look his best

before being reunited with Lisa.

Five, four, three, two.

That's good work, buddy. All right?

That's how I want you to train from this day forward, OK?

Finally, the ten-week split is up

and today Steve and Lisa will be reunited.

Gosh, today is the day.

Getting all sorted.

Looking forward to tonight?

It's going to be amazing. I'm really looking forward to it.

I can't wait to see me wife. I'm fairly sure she's done well.

The reason for doing it is so that we were different

when we come back, physically different,

but different in our heads, as well.

I've got to go and meet my husband. I haven't seen him for ten weeks.

-Ten weeks?

-Yeah, yeah.

-That's a long time, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Oooh, very smart!

Lisa's going to fall in love like it was her wedding day again.

This is an amazing moment.

This is a reunion, a reunion after ten weeks living apart,

which Lisa and Steve volunteered to do

because I guess they realised before they'd even met us

that they were their own worst enemies.

But it's the beginning,

and actually the hard work is yet to come.

How will they cope when they get back together as a couple?

It's probably the most important question we still have to answer.

I am feeling super excited.

I've got no idea what he's going to look like.

I don't know what he'll be wearing.

I get to see my husband!

I get to hug him!

Feeling excited.

I have a feeling Lisa's going to come hurtling towards me.

I want it to be lovely.

I also don't want to fall over in my silly shoes.

To help them celebrate, I've invited their friends and family.

CHEERING

Oh, my gosh, you look amazing!

How you doing, dude?

-Hello, mate, how are you?

-You're a little sunburnt.

-Yeah, yeah.

Look who's come to see you.

Do you feel like a different man?

Erm, yeah, I kind of do.

I want to know what's in your heart. Tell me about the emotion.

-This is quite a big moment, isn't it?

-Yes, it's a big moment.

And, yeah, I think everything with me just wants to see Lisa.

-So you don't want me to talk any more, do you?

-No!

-You want me to shut up...

-Yeah.

-..and you want to see your wife.

We ready to see Lisa? Are we ready to see Lisa? OK.

All right, then.

# Just give love

# Love

# A chance...

CHEERING

# I've been thinking about you so long

# But time just slip away

# I wonder how your life has gone, baby

# Since I've been away

# Just give love... #

-Oh, my God...!

-You seem amazing.

Thank you. I'm shaking!

Hi, everyone else!

Oh, my gosh.

What do you think?

-Yeah, stunning.

-Stunning!

It was amazing.

Oh, Steve looks so different.

LISA LAUGHS

How easy those arms go round!

So look how easy those arms go round.

So after ten weeks' living apart, the big question is...

how have they changed?

Ten weeks ago, your blood sugar levels were 24.

Way too high.

Today, you have a blood sugar of five.

That's, that's absolutely amazing.

You should be really pleased.

You've not only maintained your blood sugar,

in ten weeks you've lost one-and-a-half stone.

That's amazing.

I'm proud of you.

So Lisa, at the beginning of ten weeks,

you were 22-and-a-half stone.

You wanted to be from the 20s into the teens,

-to 19-something.

-Yeah.

To me, unrealistic.

I was wrong.

-You were right.

-Did I do it?

You did it.

Yes!

Lisa's broken through her fears

and has made it to 19 stones and 13 pounds.

Lisa, you've proved that, like so many of us,

you hate losing more than you enjoy winning.

-Thankfully for you, here is your hard-earned cash.

-Yes!

I think now we've just got to, we've just got to celebrate.

I strongly believe that this time's going to work.

I think that they can do this.

But after a week being back together, there are problems.

And I want to see if I can help.

-Hey!

-Hello! Nice to see you!

Hey, Branwell! Hello.

How's it going?

I've loved these kind of ten weeks.

And there is a sense of returning to kind of normality

that is just a bit...

less exciting and, er...

..I think the worry that we have to do this...

..kind of ourselves.

We've argued probably once or twice in four days.

It feels a little bit flat.

I'm just wondering whether the expectation

of what it would be like and the reality are very different.

And that's been quite difficult for the two of you

as much as anything else.

I thought it just would be... great to be back together.

-Erm...

-Is it not great?

It's way harder than I thought it was going to be.

And because these days haven't been great,

I guess the worry that...

what if it doesn't become great?

What if it just stays being...?

Yeah, feeling like this.

Kind of a little bit normal.

I think part of my worry is, will we have fun?

Is life going to be fun?

Is there going to be things to look forward to and...?

And because a lot of the fun used to involve food places...

And I know that we don't do that any more.

You're a genius.

He's just worked it out.

You don't know how to have fun together any more

because the one place

where you always used to communicate in your relationship and have fun

-was through eating.

-Yeah.

What it gave you before, you have to replace.

And it gave you something very special in your relationship.

So my challenge to you is how can find new places to have fun,

new hobbies, something that doesn't involve food?

Three months later, have Steve and Lisa learned how to have fun?

SALSA MUSIC

We've taken up salsa dancing

as something fun to do together,

that wasn't food-orientated.

We laugh at each other and our ability to not dance.

I get told off for leading too much, funnily enough.

And dancing seems to have had other benefits, too.

I've lost another two stone,

which makes it four stone four pounds

since the start of the process.

I am now 14 stone 12,

which is I think about two stone down from where we started.

I think the separation helped in lots of ways.

I think it allowed me and Steve to remember that we're separate people

as well as being a couple,

and that I'm allowed to look after myself.

I think, yeah, 17 years of marriage,

you kind of forget who you really are.

So the time apart helped me to discover a lot about me

that I was overlooking and sort of forgotten, I think.

The biggest difference in me

is I've got a real "seize the day" kind of attitude.

I feel like I could take on the world in pretty much anything.

Family is now what we see in our future.

That is now an option that's available to us.

-Ah, look at that. Rock on!

-Yes!

# ..Sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# Please, don't take

# My sunshine away. #