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Here's a Scots word I'm fond of
that's still very much in circulation.
It's an old Scots word with Germanic roots.
"Boak" as in "dry boak", as in "the heaves",
as in, "That's giving me the dry boak."
Here are three things that give ME the dry boak.
A hair in my porridge.
A fried egg in my porridge.
Actually, just porridge.
I like "boak" because it's expressive. It's onomatopoeic.
It sounds like what it is. Go on. Try vomiting without going "boak".
I like "Giving me the dry boak" - there's a wonderful rhythm about it.
"You're giving me the dry boak, you're giving me the dry boak, you're giving me the dry boak."
In fact, many of my favourite Scots expressions have this wonderful rhythm about them.
For example, "I could eat the scabby heid aff a wean,"
which means you're so hungry that you could eat the scarred head off a child.
"I could eat the scabby heid aff a wean" - it's practically hip-hop.
I could eat the scabby heid aff a wean
Eat the scabby heid aff a wean
Heid aff a wean
Eat the scabby heid aff a wean.
It's not just the rhythm, though.
It's the succinctly presented, yet highly loaded, visual images.
Here's a belter - "Away and bile yer heid",
which means, "Go forth and boil your head".
That's pretty hardcore, isn't it?
They're not asking you simmer a finger or lightly saute your chin.
They're asking you to actually boil your entire dome.
And to do it yourself, to lower your own head into a large pan of salted, boiling water.
That is a pretty compelling image, is it not?
I'm sorry, I can't... I can't do it.
Can't do it.
And what about, "I could eat the scabby heid aff a wean"?
Imagine - you're so ravenous that you're poised there,
hovering with your fork and knife over a child's head.
And not just a child's head, but one that's flecked with crusty scar tissue.
Well, no need to imagine. Here's a wean.
Here's "the heid aff a wean".
Here are all the scabs.
I've not eaten for three days, so I'm about to eat the scabby heid
aff a wean. Here we go.
I think I'll start with a cheek.
That was rare. Oh, scab.
Now, one of my very, very favourite Scots expressions is,
"Your coat's on a shoogly peg."
"Shoogly" - one of those great Scots words that sounds like what it means.
Shoogly, shaky. Precarious. Shoogly.
And if your coat's on a shoogly peg, well, you're on thin ice, pal.
Things are very, very finely balanced.
It could all come crashing down at any minute,
like a live action game of Buckeroo.
You got chocolate all over that lovely expensive jumper.
It was your sister's jumper, but...
It was your sister's chocolate.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave now.
It would seem that consumption of a child's head was inappropriate,
even in the interests of illustrating the lovely Scots language.
Anyway, cheery-bye the noo and lang may your lum reek.
Oh. Lang may your lum reek.
Lang may your lum reek.
Lang may your lum reek.
I said lang may your lum reek! Awreet?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd