Episode 11 Blethering Scots


Episode 11

Susan Calman takes a humorous look at Scots insults and feels the language is a powerful linguistic tool - especially in comedy.


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Transcript


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Good evening, Scotland.

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Please welcome your host for the next just under three minutes,

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Miss Susan Calman.

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My favourite Scots word is "besom".

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As a stand-up comedian, I love describing people using language,

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and "besom" is one of the best words you can use

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to describe a particular type of woman.

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It's not a bad word,

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but it describes an uppity kind of woman,

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the kind of woman that makes you frustrated,

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the person who takes your seat on the bus,

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the person who annoys you, who talks too loudly on trains.

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It is usually paired with the phrase "wee", for people like myself.

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I'm 4ft 11, exactly the same height as Kylie Minogue.

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LOUD COUGH

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That's where the similarity ends.

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I have one talent being this short, though. It's pretty outstanding.

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I can stand up completely straight in the back of a black cab.

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COMEDY DRUM ROLL

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AWKWARD SILENCE

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It really is one of the most unbelievably fantastic words

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in the Scots language, and I'm proud to be one.

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Besom.

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On stage, Susan uses words and language to make folk laugh

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and there are certain Scots words that are particularly funny,

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especially when you're talking about the body.

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You know, your bits and bobs and that.

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Of course, "besom" is not the only descriptive word I like to use.

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I'm going to show you some of my favourites,

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and to help me out, today I'm joined by my twin sister, Maigaret.

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Now, I know what you're thinking.

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You're thinking, "There's not much of a family resemblance,"

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but that's because Maigaret here is slightly more peely-wally,

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slightly more pale than I am.

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She does, however, have a wonderfully proportioned heid

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which she has there.

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Nice.

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She's also got a smaller pair than I do... Which is good,

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because then she can listen to me. ..of lugs.

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We have got a very similar nose, however, a very similar neb.

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Different shaped mouth. She's got more of a Cupid's bow.

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Very different shaped geggies to each other.

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We still talk about the same amount.

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She's quiet now, she's just shy,

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that's why she's not saying anything.

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One thing we have in common is our oxters.

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We've got the same armpits. You may think, "How do you know that?"

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We're twins.

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We differ slightly in her queets, her ankles,

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are slightly slimmer than mine.

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She's got more sports... I've got dancers' legs.

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And finally, the family resemblance you will have noticed

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between Maigaret and myself, the bahoochie, the behind.

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We both have the same lovely bahoochie.

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So, another brilliantly descriptive Scots word I love using.

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Anyway, thanks for watching, everyone.

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I've been Susan Calman. Good night!

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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