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Good evening, Scotland. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
Please welcome your host for the next just under three minutes, | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
Miss Susan Calman. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
My favourite Scots word is "besom". | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
As a stand-up comedian, I love describing people using language, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
and "besom" is one of the best words you can use | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
to describe a particular type of woman. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
It's not a bad word, | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
but it describes an uppity kind of woman, | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
the kind of woman that makes you frustrated, | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
the person who takes your seat on the bus, | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
the person who annoys you, who talks too loudly on trains. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
It is usually paired with the phrase "wee", for people like myself. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:44 | |
I'm 4ft 11, exactly the same height as Kylie Minogue. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
LOUD COUGH | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
That's where the similarity ends. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
I have one talent being this short, though. It's pretty outstanding. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
I can stand up completely straight in the back of a black cab. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
COMEDY DRUM ROLL | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
AWKWARD SILENCE | 0:06:02 | 0:06:03 | |
It really is one of the most unbelievably fantastic words | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
in the Scots language, and I'm proud to be one. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:11 | |
Besom. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
On stage, Susan uses words and language to make folk laugh | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
and there are certain Scots words that are particularly funny, | 0:06:19 | 0:06:23 | |
especially when you're talking about the body. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
You know, your bits and bobs and that. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
Of course, "besom" is not the only descriptive word I like to use. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:34 | |
I'm going to show you some of my favourites, | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
and to help me out, today I'm joined by my twin sister, Maigaret. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:42 | |
Now, I know what you're thinking. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
You're thinking, "There's not much of a family resemblance," | 0:06:45 | 0:06:48 | |
but that's because Maigaret here is slightly more peely-wally, | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
slightly more pale than I am. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
She does, however, have a wonderfully proportioned heid | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
which she has there. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
Nice. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
She's also got a smaller pair than I do... Which is good, | 0:07:03 | 0:07:07 | |
because then she can listen to me. ..of lugs. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
We have got a very similar nose, however, a very similar neb. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:15 | |
Different shaped mouth. She's got more of a Cupid's bow. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Very different shaped geggies to each other. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
We still talk about the same amount. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
She's quiet now, she's just shy, | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
that's why she's not saying anything. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
One thing we have in common is our oxters. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
We've got the same armpits. You may think, "How do you know that?" | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
We're twins. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
We differ slightly in her queets, her ankles, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
are slightly slimmer than mine. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
She's got more sports... I've got dancers' legs. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
And finally, the family resemblance you will have noticed | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
between Maigaret and myself, the bahoochie, the behind. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:52 | |
We both have the same lovely bahoochie. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
So, another brilliantly descriptive Scots word I love using. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
Anyway, thanks for watching, everyone. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
I've been Susan Calman. Good night! | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 |