Episode 6 Normal for Norfolk

-The metal detector man's coming.

-Yes.

He comes and patrols the fields and looks at ancient artefacts.

-Oh, yes.

-And these are some things found

in a rather poorly-displayed way.

Look at that one! Still going.

-INTERVIEWER:

-What is that?

-I...

..think it's called a scrotal bell.

Oh, right.

Have you got one, Andrew?

I haven't got a scrotal bell, no.

Come on, Ted.

Wiveton Hall Farm on the North Norfolk coast.

Good boy.

Home to gentleman farmer Desmond MacCarthy.

-GUNSHOT

-Oh, fantastic shot!

He's lived here all his life with his mother, Chloe,

now 101 years old.

My mother's lived so long because she's never drunk milk.

I like cream.

What are your other tricks?

When they're not at university, he's joined by his children,

Isabel and Edmund.

-Does Granny pay rent?

-She does pay rent.

Bastard!

Oh!

-Oh, dear.

-GAS HISSES

It's going to explode.

So far, Desmond's kept the wolf from the door

by the seat of his tweed pants...

Do I have a lot of cash around?

No. Other people's cash, yes.

Mostly the bank's.

..earning just enough money from his 250-acre farm,

cafe and holiday cottages to maintain a country way of life

and preserve the hall for generations to come.

Thank goodness the double chin has been bred out.

-Has it?

-Yes.

For four months,

the cafe has been closed and Desmond's been without its income.

Oh, it's been a hard winter.

We've lived on game and cheese.

And roadkill occasionally.

Now the cafe will reopen on Mother's Day

and Desmond is keen to try out some new ideas to boost his revenue.

You can sit here and look out at the beautiful view.

I think it'll have to be a pay loo.

-It's a fiver, isn't it? At least.

-Oh, I think so.

It's March and Wiveton Hall is emerging from winter hibernation.

RATTLING

Spring. Springtime. We've got a lot of planting to do.

Buds, look!

We've got another one there.

In another day or two, it'll be changing.

It's all starting to grow.

Makes one a little frantic because so much to do.

Desmond is, well, probably stressed, as he always is.

We have no income from October to March

so, as always, cash flow's, erm...tight.

Before the new season, the coffers at Wiveton are empty.

Any moment, the cafe will open, and, hopefully...

..the cash is starting to come in again.

Should we not move that one over to the left?

-The actual...

-The top. The top.

-INTERVIEWER:

-What are your targets this year?

Oh, targets?

Huge fortune.

There's plenty to do.

New toilets, new staff, new menu,

and an expensive state-of-the-art till system

that's just been installed.

All sorts of ghastly electrical gadgetry

has to be reinstated or new stuff bought.

The others are much better at the details.

I mean, I don't know how to work the...

The tills now are like computers.

Of course I don't know how to work them.

This attempt to modernise should make the cafe more efficient,

if they can figure out how it works.

We'll test it today and have a list of questions for you tomorrow.

-CRASH!

-Oh, God!

Oh, my goodness!

Look, here we go. So, you've walked in.

Is this pretend shopping?

Yeah, we pretend. So, we're going to have...

-Have some cider.

-An Americano.

Kim, you're a genius.

-Lots of ice.

-Lots of ice.

Why not just a bit of ice?

-I want a little bit of ice.

-And a straw.

But what if I want a little bit of ice?

Two covers on table seven.

Then I do "send."

It sends it to the kitchen.

-Poor Rodney.

-Oh, I think the printer's not on, maybe.

-Is it on?

-Rodney's turned it off.

He's put a drill through it.

-INTERVIEWER:

-So, you're going to be interpreting this data

-on a daily basis?

-I'm going to be.

Kim will. She's got a different tier of intelligence

and she can take these things in.

I'm still more concerned about the ice machine

and the loos still, Rodney.

Thankfully, Desmond's made himself available

to deal with any last-minute hitches...

Hello? OK, I can get in there.

I can look. I'm on my knees now.

I'm on my knees.

..like the broken ice machine.

Pull the flaps forward. All of them?

That's right. Exactly.

Oh, dear.

Wait! A deeper U or a more shallow U?

What you need to do is get the loop lower.

OK, well, I'm raising it up. I'm raising it up a bit more.

It's higher than it was before.

Oh, drop it.

OK. Oh!

I told you to get somebody young to test it.

Last season, there were queues for the cafe toilets,

so builder Rodney has been instructed to upgrade facilities.

Hello, Rodney. Oh, doesn't it look smart?

-It does look smart.

-Very smart.

I mean, to invest in loos is a bit depressing.

A lot of people,

as my mother said, they should have gone before they left home.

Never mind. It'll be nice.

Have you sat on the position of the throne?

No. We thought, really, that would be...

It's going to have the best view of any...

..public toilet in the country.

-Yes.

-It is going to be nice.

-Yes.

-You can sit here and look out at the beautiful view.

But... I mean, how...? I think it'll have to be a pay loo?

-Yes.

-Ooh.

-Oh, it's a fiver, isn't it? At least.

-Oh, I think so.

A special thing. Anyway...

It's lovely at the moment.

It's going to be difficult.

We'll have a little note saying, "You may enjoy the view,

"but do hurry up."

Polite, but firm.

Anyway...

To coincide with the cafe's opening,

Desmond's sister Mary and his nephew Samuel

have been working on a new attraction.

It's going to be a sort of play area for the children at the cafe.

The children will play, the parents hopefully will

sit back and drink another bottle of wine at the cafe.

Let me try.

Oh, the family always help.

Yes. I mean, a farm like this does rely on...

I mean, free family labour, of course.

This is not precision-drilled, Samuel.

No. I've ruined it already.

I'm not sure if my nephew and sister agree with that

but I think they've got to go along with it.

I mean, I remember we did Airfix together.

-Did we?

-Yes.

What did we make?

I think some sort of plane.

-It was difficult.

-I wiped it from my memory.

It was traumatic.

-May well have been.

-It was traumatic.

Wive Hall is being officially opened by Desmond's great nephew.

Leighton, come here!

Great grass today.

We should have a bunch of flowers for him.

-Oh!

-CHEERING

Thank you very much.

You've opened the Wendy Hall.

Would you like to say a few words?

It's got no windows...

..and it does look like a ruin.

It looks like Wiveton Hall after the fire.

Doesn't it? It's a shell.

Slightly haunting.

Very frightening. Anyway...

We'll see. We'll see.

Work in progress.

Before the cafe reopens,

Desmond and Kim are keen to learn from last year's customer feedback.

We'll have a look at TripAdvisor because we haven't, have we?

-We've been so busy...

-We haven't looked at it.

Oh, dear! Oh, great location.

Wonderful coffee.

Superb, friendly and passionate.

Fabulous food. Good panna cotta.

Scone-tastic.

"Best fruit scones anywhere I have ever eaten."

There you go. What's the next one?

"Nice place, but a bit overpriced."

-Well, they've never tried running a business.

-Mm.

Look - "a beautiful cafe, albeit in a wooden shack."

-And we get a lot of that.

-Is that all they're saying?

-Yep.

-Well, they haven't justified it.

That is a bit harsh, isn't it?

Oh, silly people. What are they doing? "Disappointed."

"Having planned a cycle out in the Norfolk lanes,

"we thought Wiveton Farm Cafe was an ideal place to stop.

"Sadly, it was not to be.

"The proprietor made it very clear he did not want Lycra-clad people

"in his establishment and we were not his sort of customers."

They wanted to come at 12.

No. They were such slow cyclists they got there at one o'clock,

and they'd bred on the way or picked up a lot of friends.

There were about 25 of them, all in their revolting Lycra kit,

looking something out of Star Trek.

I made a joke about no Lycra at lunchtime.

-It didn't go down well.

-Didn't go down well.

Erm... Never mind. You can't please everybody.

Let's look at all the wonderful ones.

-Some wonderful ones as well.

-Take the edge off them.

305 excellent compared to 17 terrible,

-so that's not too bad.

-Isn't that good?

DOG BARKS

The beginning of a season can be frantic

but Desmond is taking time to have breakfast

with old friend Andrew Snodgrass.

Early morning tea, I'm obsessed with early-morning tea

-because that's what I...

-Please, Andrew. No, no.

-Oh, what happens there?

-You get a plate.

-Oh, a plate.

-You may be a bachelor but...

Yeah, I'll use this one here.

-It's just nice standards and stuff.

-OK, standards, yeah.

-And the metal detector man's coming.

-Oh, yes.

Quite interesting. It brings in bits of history.

It would be lovely to find a hoard just today.

-A hoard!

-It would be marvellous.

I visualise a lot of ecclesiastical...

..gold and silver artefacts from the altar.

-Wow!

-Ooh, it would be marvellous.

John is a detectorist and a regular visitor to the farm.

Today, he's showing off some new kit.

Tesoro Lobo. A very good machine.

Very light, very reliable.

Nice even spread.

That's covering what? Six feet?

A major find could solve Desmond's money worries

and Norfolk soil has produced some significant treasure in the past.

Most famously, the 150 items of the Snettisham Hoard,

with an estimated value of £11.5 million.

-INTERVIEWER:

-Is he allowed to take whatever he finds?

-No!

What do you mean?

-It's of no interest off the premises.

-Yeah.

No. We must keep an eye on him.

Yes. Oh, yes.

A piece of horseshoe.

If there's, like, silver or gold,

that'd have to go to a...

We'd have to take that to a museum and let them decide.

But anything less, then Desmond will either say he'll have it

or he'll give it to me.

-INTERVIEWER:

-So, who gets first dibs?

Desmond.

Until the Wiveton Hoard is unearthed,

Desmond will have to rely on farm,

cafe and gardens to keep the place afloat.

Following the success of last year's tours,

Desmond has invested in the gardens.

Look at the steam! Look at the steam!

Isn't it exciting?

That's the compost. Fascinating.

His team of Peter, Beamish and Amanda are now hard at it.

Amanda, look!

Shouldn't this have been...? It's spring.

-Yeah.

-Is this the time you prune the roses?

Pruning the roses now and we'll feed them and mulch them.

Please feed them. They're desperate for food.

-They are.

-Are we allowing them to grow more or anything, no?

Can you get rid of the dog out of here, please, Peter?

Please, Peter.

ENGINE HUMS

It's important to make it look extra nice

because lots of people love coming round the garden.

And they pay a little bit...

..to walk round, so if they're paying money,

it must be up to scratch.

As the cafe and gardens gear up for a new season, so too does the farm.

Every spring brings another round of new life.

-INTERVIEWER:

-Have you always had pigs?

-Always had pigs.

They're very handy with the cafe opening -

all the waste peelings and things get put in.

Otherwise, it putrefies in dustbins.

Anyway, more useful.

Keep coming!

Whoa, whoa.

OK.

So, they're three weeks old, the piglets...

-Yes.

-So Mum can be with them for another sort of three to four weeks.

She might be a bit protective.

Be a bit careful.

Are we ready...?

Hello, Mummy!

Aren't they nice?

Look at that. Lovely family.

I mean, it was only the other day

did John come and take the last ones away.

But, erm...

Full circle.

While the pigs settle in,

the kitchen staff are getting ready for tomorrow's big opening -

Mother's Day.

Excitement, anticipation...

There's about six of us, and the cake lady doing her baking,

just to get the full menu ready for tomorrow, 12 o'clock deadline.

Look at this! This is gravad lax.

I don't know where the actual salmon was born,

but we'll see how tasty it was.

My job is quality control.

Mmm.

-Thumbs up, yeah?

-It's delicious, yeah.

That is not samphire.

It's a new sort of plant that has suddenly become fashionable.

It's called agretti.

-Monk's beard.

-Or monk's beard.

It's actually a...

..very nice grass.

In the shop, Verity has been busy buying new lines of stock,

anticipating the taste of the new season's customers.

Desmond isn't...

He's not suited to buying things in for the shop.

It's very feminine, isn't it?

Things like this...

It's not practical.

So, for Desmond, it needs to be practical, it has to have a purpose.

Oh, look.

You're very clever. What are these?

-These?

-What do we do with them?

You wear them.

OK.

SHE LAUGHS

Yes. And these? What are these?

We had these last year, they're gifts.

Nice little gifts. They're for Mother's Day and things like that.

-I see, you give that to a mother.

-Yes.

This is rather exciting, it's opening again.

It's a new leaf.

-Going to just rejuvenate.

-Mm.

See the head on there?

See that lovely head?

That's a nice find.

Let's see what you've found.

Oh.

Oh!

-What is that?

-Well...

Look at that! Now, that is...

That's a head.

Iceni.

No.

-It looks like Greek.

-You're getting close.

Is it Roman?

Is it?! Did you find that today?

Yes.

Did you?

That is incredible.

That is...2,000 years old.

I mean, that is probably one of the most important treasures

in the Wiveton Hall collection.

Edmund, do you want to see this coin? Come and look.

Here we are. It's got the same tails.

That's the one.

That's the same bloke.

330-337 AD.

145.

-That's what it goes for?

-Yes.

-That's not bad.

Isn't that amazing? Well done, John!

-Thank you, Desmond.

-You have done well.

-The cheque is in the post!

-THEY LAUGH

The day of the grand reopening has arrived.

Careful, it's not that well made.

-It's fine.

-Hold on...

-It's going in, it's going in, Dad.

Well done.

It's our first big Sunday, first Sunday we're open.

We're fully booked.

We're trying to open for the customers for this year.

-Edmund...

-It's coming. There we go.

We can open. Ah...

-Finally!

-Marvellous.

Mothering Sunday.

Perhaps it's an old thing, anyway...

But now it's just an opportunity for card manufacturers

and I suppose restaurants to encourage more customers.

Well, I'm afraid I joined in on that.

All the new staff will be tested,

and so will all the new electronic computer gadgetry.

And, of course, the new loos.

Yes, toilets, vital.

Mothers coming for breakfast, mothers coming for lunch,

mothers coming for coffee, mothers coming for tea.

Oh, we'll be on our knees by the end of it,

but hopefully a little richer.

Thank you.

Thanks ever so much.

Oh, Mother's Day, I love it.

Desmond's mother, Chloe, is 101 years old,

and still lives in a cottage on the farm.

She is remarkable. She's planted so much around here.

She started planting magnolias and...

..and camellias in the garden in her late 70s.

Anyway, she kept an awful lot going. She's very tenacious.

But I do see her every day, so...

Your Mother's Day coffee, would you like to come?

Yes.

Look at those flowers, don't they look nice?

-They're lovely.

-You planted those, didn't you?

-Yes.

-Flowers have been an important part of your life, haven't they?

They have.

Still are. Let's go, all aboard.

Good.

Please shut the door.

The cafe has been open now for four hours

and the team have survived a busy breakfast.

Thank you.

But now for the real test - lunch is about to begin.

A record number of people have booked and are arriving at the cafe

with high expectation and mothers in tow.

-Good morning.

-How are you?

-All right?

Oh, my goodness, how busy.

The beef smells delicious.

It's striploin, like a sirloin.

Oh, my God. Oh, delicious.

Mmm, very good. Have you got horseradish sauce?

Here. It's ready to go out.

OK.

The cafe relies on a pure water supply from an ancient well

which in the past has been unpredictable.

So Desmond's giving head chef Ben a crash course

on how to troubleshoot the temperamental pump room.

We'll do a bit of experimenting later.

Oh, my goodness!

We're about two minutes away from service

and the water's gone off, so...

I just turned one of the pumps off.

I'm, I...

Just as mothers sit down to their roast beef,

Desmond's fiddling with the pumps has caused the water supply to fail.

Ah.

-Now it's working?

-That's working, that one.

-OK.

-So that is working.

A bit more button-pressing brings the water back on,

but now the electricity is off.

That... I don't think that's good. Everything's off.

It could just be a coincidence,

but Desmond was fiddling with things in the pump house, and since then,

the electric's gone off. So we can't use the till, the printers...

..our sockets, which is an ideal start to service.

Well, the situation is that...

Electrical problem.

Probably triggered by me.

The expensive, hi-tech till system, designed to improve efficiency,

is left powerless.

OK? No?

What is not working?

Is your computer working?

The till's working but there's no Wi-Fi.

Keeps going on and off.

-No Wi-Fi?

-No.

The printer, guys, the printer, your printer is not...

Sorry, guys. The printer is not working.

-Old school.

-We'll get by.

Handwritten.

The kitchen team are forced back onto pen and paper.

Very tiresome.

Service, please.

Yes, please.

One more bruschetta.

-That's good.

-Yeah.

-It all helps.

Thankfully, after only 20 minutes of old school,

electricity returns to the cafe.

All under control. And we kept it from the customers.

The customers were kept in the dark, that's the most important bit.

-Well done for not panicking.

-Thank you.

All that training I've given you has paid off.

-Of course, yes.

-Yes?

Anger management, and...

Anger management.

Despite Desmond's meddling, the kitchen is now back into the rhythm.

And the new menu is going down a treat.

Spirits are high, I think.

Everyone was quite nervous and apprehensive this morning,

but now we've got a few dishes under our belts,

everyone seems to have relaxed a little bit.

Wiveton Hall's fortunes are tied to the success of the cafe.

And the new till system allows Desmond to see instantly

how much money he's making.

What is your secret code?

I couldn't tell you.

Could you put it in? I won't look.

As long as I'm seeing what's going on.

With Mother's Day lunch still to finish,

he can't resist checking on the takings.

Yes!

That's very encouraging, isn't it?

And we've seen how many customers?

350 people.

Oh, my God, they're going to move.

Lovely to see a queue.

Sorry it's so long, but anyway.

Thanks for coming.

Really encouraging.

Everyone's learned how the techniques,

the new technology's worked,

despite me trying to cock it up, but anyway.

Everyone seems to be happy.

As long as they keep their...

Oh, look, and that's the... Oh, my God, oh, oh.

Oh, no!

Stop!

Are there any parents present?

It's not for climbing on the roof, please.

Oh, my God.