Episode 5 Normal for Norfolk

I saw you noticing these ears.

-Oh.

-Try them on.

I don't think they fit, Desmond.

-Like this?

-Yes!

-Like Narnia.

-You like?

-Narnia. Yes.

-Mr Tumnus.

-Mr Tumnus.

Do they move? Yes. Yes. That's nice.

We might have a panto.

I think it's panto already.

THEY LAUGH

Come on, Ted. Good boy!

It's winter at Wiveton Hall Farm, on the north coast of Norfolk,

home to gentleman farmer Desmond McCarthy.

He's the one who's been keeping my mother awake for weeks.

He's lived here all his life with his mother Chloe, now 101 years old.

My mother's lived so long because she's never drunk milk.

I like cream.

What are your other tricks?

When they're not at university, he joined by his children,

Isabel and Edmund.

-Does Granny pay rent?

-She does pay rent.

-Bastard.

Oh, my God!

Desmond's kept the wolf from the door by the seat of his tweed pants.

Do I have a lot of cash around? No. Other people's cash, yes.

Mostly the bank's.

-He must run his farm...

-In an emergency, you pull that. But don't!

..preserve his historic home,

and keep up customs handed down by generations.

Thank goodness the double chin has been bred out.

-Has it?

-Yes.

-SHE LAUGHS

Winter is the shooting season.

And Desmond upholds country tradition

by organising a shoot at the hall.

Pull!

Missed.

And as the year draws to an end,

he rewards his loyal team with a Christmas party.

-Happy Christmas!

-Happy Christmas!

-Cockerel korma.

-No, no.

-Anyway, Happy Christmas, everybody!

ALL: Merry Christmas!

It's December at Wiveton.

The cafe is closed and the last of Desmond's seasonal workers have left for Poland.

Down to a skeleton crew.

No-one would ever call me a skeleton these days.

But there we are.

This feels like the Mary Celeste.

Suddenly the whole farm's just gone quiet.

Winter has come to Norfolk.

Desmond will spend most of the winter shooting now.

It's all gone from crazy madness to suddenly...

Kim and I.

Edward is gone, the cafe's closed and...

We have to face reality and have a look at what's actually happened.

Desmond doesn't really like to talk about the numbers.

I need to sit him down and go through the figures.

-Yes.

-Yes. Sorry.

-1,500.

-Yeah.

This meeting has become an uncomfortable but essential Wiveton ritual,

to assess the health and direction of the business.

Cost of new toilets?

Yeah. Two extra loos. Two extra basins.

What do we think about urinals?

-A lot quicker, I think.

-Well, I have no experience.

-Hard to get women used to using them but...

-SHE CHUCKLES

What does that bring it to? 191,000?

-Overdrawn.

-Overdrawn.

I have to pay all our suppliers today,

-and at the end we will be at the overdraft limit.

-Already?

-Yep.

You can see quite clearly that the cafe, the shop, the holiday lets,

the wing, they all turn a profit.

The farm doesn't. So that's our problem.

The farming is very difficult at the moment.

People with big acreages are finding it very hard.

How long have you been farming here?

Oh, well...

35 years or something...

Anyway, I should've gotten better at it by now.

There will be little income from the farm over the winter,

but one seasonal enterprise at Wiveton does turn a profit...

..when the cafe kitchen is transformed into a jam factory.

4,000 jars of strawberry.

2,500 jars of raspberry

and 1,500 marmalade to make

by, I think, maybe the beginning of March.

Desmond's jam brings in over £20,000 a year.

Ah, Paul!

-Hello, Desmond!

-What have you been doing?

Famous Wiveton strawberry jam.

-Mmm! Shall I try it?

-You can indeed.

We have a jar yesterday that we made, if you'd like to try the stuff.

Mm! Nice and strawberry. And not over-sweet.

Sometimes jam is far too sweet.

-Yes.

-And you put lemon in it?

Is that lemon? No pectin or anything?

No, no, no. Just lemon. That helps it set...

-Yeah. Yeah.

-My mother is the expert on jam.

-I've heard.

-Full of preconceived and fixed ideas.

-Yep.

-Full of prejudice.

-Yeah.

-That's the most important thing.

-Yes.

-You've got to be full of prejudice when making jam.

-That's lovely.

-I'm glad you like it.

-No, that's good.

But I think always remember that.

You can put some paracetamol in.

That is what is good for.

You could have medicated jam.

We could indeed.

They've been making jam at Wiveton for over 30 years.

But an even older winter tradition is shooting.

Tomorrow, Desmond's taking a duck-shooting party on to the now-frozen marsh.

His son Edmund has been sent out to check on conditions.

We are going to go and hopefully smash all the ice on the lake,

because we need... ducks like water, as most people know.

And they need some water to land on.

So then we can shoot them.

Well, we don't shoot them on the water, but...

They're not going to come to the pond if it's frozen.

Good duck. It looks to me it's bloody all thawed out.

Good duck!

That's a fair amount of duck.

That bodes well for tomorrow.

People are coming to stay. So we've got to be ready for them.

What have we got to do? Make sure the beaters are coming

and, um...lunch,

and I think the beds have all been made.

And I must make sure the heating's on.

Despite the temperatures plummeting,

the eye-watering bills mean Desmond is reluctant to turn the heating on

in the hall, even with friends arriving.

Nowadays people make assumptions that...

it's going to be warm.

On Christmas, I can put that on for an hour.

But otherwise it's mittens.

You know, you get things ready for people, guests coming to stay...

And you make it all nice for them.

And I used to put reading mittens by the beds.

-Or you just put another dog on the bed.

-Or another dog.

SHE LAUGHS

Across the country,

winter marks the beginning of the shooting season for duck and pheasant.

Wiveton Hall has followed this rural tradition for centuries.

Tweed is the uniform for field sportsmen,

but it's an obsession for Desmond.

Have you chosen your tweed?

I haven't yet.

It's probably not in here, but look.

-Look at that man knowing all the...

-Yes, I know.

Anyway, we finally made a decision.

Look at that lovely stuff.

Mmm!

-This is like pornography for Desmond.

-Yes.

Having chosen the tweed and had a number of fittings,

the new shooting suit made by his ex-wife, Tina, is finally ready.

-Hi, Desmond!

-Oh, good.

How exciting!

You mean...

Oh, it feels lovely.

Feels lovely.

-Oh, Dad!

-It looks amazing.

I need to wear it a bit.

Oh, look at that. Now it's very important...

Edmund, could you get one of the guns?

That's the important bit.

That's the nice thing about... Lovely pockets.

Terrific, Desmond!

-The gun? Sorry...

-Yeah, it looks amazing.

-Look at that.

-It's got amazing pockets...

Nice pocket. Look. Sandwiches in there...

-Cake. Bit of cake.

-A huge bit of cake.

-Tina, lovely. Thank you very much.

-It's a pleasure.

I know there was commerce involved, but all the same.

Thank you very much.

No room in the hall is more steeped in country sporting tradition

than the gun room.

The gun room here is a very special place full of memories to me of my grandfather.

He was a great all-round country sportsman, and so I grew up

with all this sort of bits...

These gadgets and bits of kit around which were always intriguing.

This was my first gun.

I think I was probably 13.

Chosen by my grandfather, who spent a lot of time in this room.

And paid for by my father.

And we went to London,

I was sort of measured in the gun shop.

And that was a massive treat.

It was absolute pride and joy.

The sort of hunter in me was developed.

Do you think children should have guns?

Well, only if they...

If they're interested and prepared to listen and be sensible about it.

It's very good for a child to learn responsibility.

And it's not because you want to go out and massacre everything, it's just...

I don't know what it is, but we've all got it in us.

Yeah, that's a very nice little gun.

As night falls, some of Desmond's friends begin to arrive.

I've invited Alfie, who loves his shooting.

Ah, Alfie!

Ah, Van Dutch!

-Nice to see you.

-Good to see you. How you been?

Willie, two Willies.

Willie Nickerson, who is a decorator.

Willie Attill lives in Tanzania.

Ah, Midge, how are you?

-I'm very, very well.

-Nice to see you.

-I know. I've just come out of the freezing.

-Yes.

You've met Christopher before?

Yes. Hi, there, how are you?

Christopher, who is a decorator.

Likes country life, loves coming here.

Charles!

And then a very good builder from Wells.

You might share with young...

Do you know Harry Lowther?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he coming up here?

-Yes, he's here.

-No way!

Some know each other well, some people don't know each other at all.

And some are older, some are younger.

Nice mixture of people.

Next morning, just before six, the guests, or guns,

are already up and heading off on what's known as a duck flight, or shoot.

Rowley. Oh, my God. I think I'll wear the snood today.

The Christmas snood.

OK, come this way.

Desmond leads the party to flight ponds on the marsh.

Lovely smell of cigar.

I love being...

Getting up early in the morning, going out, stars all over the sky.

Very careful. Oh, my God.

Seeing the light gather in the sky, hearing things,

birds calling as they wake.

That's exciting, being in touch with the elements.

Flight ponds attract ducks, and so the guns wait there

for their quarry to fly in or out at first light.

Shh.

These are wild birds, so you've got to keep quiet.

DOG WHINES

You've got to keep quiet, Rowley.

Shh, shh. Rowley, Rowley.

-Look, there's a teal.

-GUNSHOTS

Oh, well done.

I didn't get my gun off again.

-DOG WHINES

-Rowley.

Oh, my God, this is testing.

I think I've heard of people who swear at their dogs.

It doesn't do much good.

OK. OK.

DOG WHINES

Rowley, you've got the better of me.

Go on, get in there. Get on, get on, get on.

The ducks shot this morning - teal, widgeon and mallard -

will be shared out, taken home and eaten.

I think life and death...

is... is treated very differently in the countryside,

particularly amongst farmers.

Good boy.

People have lost contact with where their food came from.

Where meat comes from and that, you know, you kill to get it.

The party move off the marsh and on to farmland.

In the yard, they're joined by beaters,

whose job is to flush the birds and other game toward the guns.

Good morning. First of all,

you've got to admire my new suit which is made by Tina.

First outing.

Now, shoot pheasants, be careful you don't shoot English partridges.

You can shoot a French partridge.

Don't shoot any low pheasants cos they might fly better another day.

This is a smallish farm.

We rear a few pheasants to shoot and eat.

They're very good to eat, and this year I've discovered, very good smoked.

It's exciting.

I think when people start to play tennis,

do you think they get very excited

at the end of the court before the match?

Adrenaline before the croquet match.

What have you got in your ears?

A bit of loo paper to...

I can't find any proper defenders.

Pheasant shooting started in the 18th century, but it's not just

a tradition, it is very much an important part of the rural economy.

All the people involved, gamekeepers, people who are actually still in touch,

very much in touch with their country roots.

Look, there's a pheasant. Look.

First pheasant. Cock pheasant.

And another. Pheasant, coming!

HE SHOUTS

GUNSHOTS

Come on down, Harry. Harry.

Come down. Very exciting.

Look. Oh, look at that one.

Cunning bird. Did you see that?

HE SHOUTS

-Missed.

-Did you see them?

GUNSHOTS

For me, a successful shoot is going to a nice place with nice people...

..and ideally shooting quite well.

Well done. Absolutely perfect.

Good.

And a nice lunch.

Well, what a success.

Oh, my God, look at that.

Doesn't that look beautiful?

Oh, you are good.

We've had a lovely day, wonderful day. It's all gone very well.

Everyone's had fun, apart from a few birds, and...

wonderful new suit.

And this is going to be my new companion and friend.

For a long time.

Very pleased.

Now, we get a tape measure.

I mean, it's all go.

Why do you need a tape measure?

Measure how tall we want the Christmas trees.

It's Christmas, look, I'm all bright and Christmassy.

I'm really so excited about Christmas.

We normally put the tree here.

Yeah, we always put it here. Everything's traditional.

There's no room for imagination.

With the end of the year approaching,

Desmond is planning a Christmas gathering at the hall for all his staff.

I mean, the Wiveton family.

It used to be a Sylvanian family, it's rather like that.

We must go. So that was seven foot.

Or did I say eight?

For the holiday cottages and the hall,

Desmond needs five trees in total.

Is that too bushy, this one?

It is bushy.

My God. Anyone slightly less bushy?

-Yes.

-What's that? About...

-That's about eight.

-Eight foot.

-Yeah.

-Well, that's perfect.

I hope these trees are tied on well enough.

Highways and byways, these are the byways.

It's like a little pocket of old England here.

With a few tipping sites.

Desmond will need some help getting the largest tree into the hall.

A bit prickly for my little hands.

Rodney, have you got a tree yet?

-Yes, we have an artificial one.

-Artificial?

-Yes.

-That's not very good for the forestry business.

You're enriching the Japanese market.

Oh, here he comes. And there's Rodney.

That's rather sweet. It's a sweet scene.

Rodney and Desmond and the tree.

I think Desmond would quite like to have Rodney on top of the tree.

Oh, my God.

This is the beginning of Christmas, this. Put it up.

-Oh, it could have been a bit bigger. Look at that.

-That looks really nice.

Well done, Rodney. Feeding the tree.

-Yes?

-I think as soon as Rodney's involved, Desmond's happy.

-Ooh!

-DESMOND GROANS

No. Tighten up.

The final decorative touches are applied by Emma,

the property manager, and her daughter.

Where do you think that's going to go?

-Near the bottom.

-These are nice, look, these little glass birds.

We're doing well. We've got the tree in, so Christmas has begun.

-Has it?

-Yes.

Lights on.

Oh, that's perfect.

Even in the festive season, as a farmer,

there are jobs that aren't pleasant, but need doing.

Such as cockerel culling.

I've discovered that someone has been dropping...

Depositing their unwanted cockerels here.

Particularly ugly sort.

They're everywhere.

More people are keeping chickens as a hobby,

but every batch of new chicks brings unwelcome, noisy cockerels,

whose persistent sexual harassment

can injure the egg-laying hens.

And for some nearby smallholder,

the necessity of killing their own cockerels is clearly beyond them.

It's the sentimental approach of people who've got all these things

who can't wring their own cockerel's necks,

so they take them and deposit them somewhere else.

Furious.

I've got my own very special breeding programme going on here.

Desmond will deal with these cockerels

and put them on the menu at the staff Christmas party.

They don't realise that we are having to have cockerel korma

to get rid of them.

The hunt begins with the help of his trainee gardener.

Beamish, now, in a moment, what I'd like you to do is...

..drive... Drive him out.

Oh, my God. He's getting away.

They're very, very difficult.

If you drove him round,

I'll get a crossing shot.

There's very little decorum in the world of the cockerel.

They tend to wake up at about three in the morning and start crowing.

So if we didn't kill them, we'd hardly get any sleep.

There! Have we got him?

Just as he broke for cover.

Well done.

Yeah, another one.

Ah, that's the one there.

Too randy. Got to separate him out.

Push him round, catch him.

-He's gone into a...

-Gone inside.

-Gone in there.

OK, good. We've got him now.

I can't shoot him in here.

No, we'll catch him in here with the net.

-HE WHISPERS:

-Oh, my God. There he is.

COCKEREL CLUCKS

I've got him. I've got him.

There. Oh, my goodness.

He's the one who's been keeping my mother awake.

For weeks.

Oh, my God.

Desmond's gardeners, Peter and Beamish,

turn butchers to deal with this morning's catch.

-It's a funny job to do, isn't it? Well, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Got to make a living where you can.

-Yeah.

Then head chef Ben transforms the birds into a '70s-style canape for the party.

They can be quite a pest.

We've had a huge amount of cockerels,

and we turn it into a korma,

served in vol-au-vents.

I've got... I've got very short time.

Hello. Oh, my goodness.

-Good morning.

-Hello, Ben.

-How are you?

-Very nice.

They're on the small side, but there we are.

-Well, they're perfect for...

-Are they? ..a mouthful, aren't they?

Three or four each.

Now, have you got the boiling wine?

I've got 12 bottles of red wine for mulled wine.

-Yes.

-So that will make... That will go quite a long way.

-Bit of water in it.

-Little bit of water.

-Yes.

-Water it down.

-Good.

Are you going to be monitoring people's consumption?

Always do, can't help it. After the mishaps,

so many mishaps happen here.

The children will love that, won't they?

-Oh, good evening.

-Hello. How are you?

How are you, Desmond?

There. That is nice.

Christmas look.

Thank you, Sue. Thank you, Kim.

Look at your Christmas jumper.

-Happy Christmas.

-Oh, thank you.

-No, it's...

-Hello. Happy Christmas.

-Happy Christmas, Desmond.

Never known a party everyone's arrived on time so much.

Christmas party is a very nice way to thank your staff because we're

genuinely very grateful for all the work they do for me,

and keep the whole place going and make it a, mostly,

cheerful place to work.

But we don't want to go overboard, obviously.

Where's the hot wine? Try some of this.

It's an old... It's an old traditional Christmas mixture.

I mean, is wasn't a massively lavish event,

but it brings the whole house alive.

-I really want to try one of these vol-au-vents.

-They are good.

The snacks were good.

Cockerel korma.

Little gamey for some.

-Oh.

-No. No.

Edmund! Ah!

How are you?

How are you?

Have you had some hot wine? Have a glass of lovely hot wine.

-I don't know if I want hot wine.

-Oh, go on. Go on.

OK.

Despite everything that country life has thrown at Desmond, somehow

he's kept the hall and its traditions alive for another year.

And blow my own trumpet, I am still here.

An impossible house, impossibly small farm, I'm still here.

More people are working here.

And things are doing better than they've ever done.

Anyway, happy Christmas, everybody.

Thank you all for coming.

Thank you all for the very hard work.

You had an incredibly busy summer, so, happy Christmas.

ALL: Happy Christmas!

Marvellous speech.

Next time - spring arrives.

And with it, new life returns to the farm.

Look, lovely family. Beautiful.

Preparations for the cafe opening begin in earnest.

It actually...

Very nice grass.

And they're off to a cracking start.

I went to fiddle with the water and I managed to turn all the electricity off.

But it's all under control.

So we can't use the till, the printers.

An ideal start to service.

Oh! We need a torch. Hold on.