My Changing Life Small Teen Bigger World

I'm Jazz, and everything in my life seems to be changing. Oh, wow!

Mum has to move house...

-Oh, yes!

-Yes!

-This is the place for me.

I'm going to America to do work experience in an animal hospital.

So cool!

And I'm learning how to drive.

Stop.

Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

This is my mum, Bev, and my dad, Paul.

We're not a typical family.

Good memories.

I wish I could have been there.

I only met my dad for the first time 12 months ago.

-You OK, Jazz?

-Yes.

There was a good reason Dad wasn't in my life for 16 years.

Nice one, mate. Thanks a lot.

He had become a homeless heroin addict.

I couldn't have come into Jazz and Bev's life while I was like that,

because they would have hated me.

Now Dad's on a methadone programme,

and he's been part of our family for the last year.

He's smartening up his act and getting his first job in 25 years,

as a zoo volunteer.

Chimpanzee World.

But appearances can be deceptive, and suddenly, our family is blown apart.

Heroin is evil and it destroys lives.

This is my world, as a small teen,

coping with my changing life.

I'm 17 and having a fantastic time.

I live at college,

I have great mates...

..and like most teenage girls, I love make-up, clothes and animals.

I'd like to say I do what I want, when I want.

But that's not strictly true,

as my size means I'm dependent on others to get around.

All that's about to change

because I'm going to put myself in the driving seat.

Oh, Jazz.

-Oh, my God.

-Tinted window!

-Look at this.

-It's beautiful.

'I'm registered disabled,

'so I'm eligible to get a car through the Motability scheme.'

-Do you want to jump in, Jazz?

-Yes!

-Oh, my God!

-Wow!

'My new car has been specially adapted

'so I can see over the steering wheel and reach the pedals.'

-No!

-Excuse me.

-No!

-Get out...!

-Sorry, sorry.

Oh, go on, then - you have it.

Have you seen the seat?

-Yes, I've noticed.

-This one will take you backwards and forwards.

If you want to come up...

-Wow!

-OK?

-Three main manoeuvres before you start driving.

Mirror, lipstick, go!

Right.

When I actually sat in the car, it was like a different person.

I... A whole, you know, different world of opportunities opened up.

BEEP

-Phone.

-'Phone.'

-Oh, my God!

-There's your Bluetooth.

-Wow!

Can you imagine turning up at college in this soon?

Everyone's going to go, "Look at her in that gorgeous car!"

'I cannot wait to start doing some lessons.

'I just really want to get started. Really do.'

-Jazz? Mummy's got some adaptations of her own.

-Oh, God.

SHE GIGGLES

Right, now,

as it's a black car, right,

-you want people to know it's a girl's car, don't you?

-Yeah.

-So we need these.

-Wow!

-Oh, we so need them.

-Yes!

-The pink fluffy dice.

They are very nice.

Secondly, this is a safety feature, and these are gorgeous.

Oh, my goodness, what are they?

These... You know how we have to have our straps lower...

-Oh, they're gorgeous.

-Do you like them, love?

-I love them.

-Might not like so much that one, Jazz.

-Hang on.

Them? No, I don't like them.

Anyway, the worst is yet to come.

-The nodding poodle.

-Wow!

THEY LAUGH

Have you seen that? Absolutely awful!

I am so proud of you. My little girl's got her own big car.

Big car.

Right now, I feel very, very, very excited,

I can't wait to get started, but I'm also petrified

and I would put it off for another year,

but I know I've got to do it - I've got to do it.

I've never been in the driving seat before, but I have to face my fears.

It's time to get behind the wheel

for my first driving lesson with my instructor, Barry.

Now, then.

Check all around. Keep the foot brake on.

Mirror, mirror, straight ahead.

Your mirror.

So, release the foot brake,

-the car's going to start moving.

-Ah!

And then you need to use the gas. That's it.

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

-Just take it out a little bit.

-Sorry.

-It's OK. no, it's good.

-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Now we're going to stop by that lamppost.

Steering just a little bit, gentle onto the brake,

steer slightly that way and then keep applying the brake.

That's it, now keep your foot on the brake.

-Oh, my God.

-And a deep sigh of relief!

-That was...

-How did that feel?

-I feel like crying. That was incredible.

-It's good, innit?

That was amazing, yeah.

Learning to drive is harder than I imagined.

There is so much to think about.

Just to make sure...

nothing's coming,

and then follow him out with a nice bit of steering.

-Oh, God.

-You're OK, it's fine.

And straighten up first before you use the gas.

Now use the gas. That's it.

As the lesson went on, my confidence grew.

Gas. Oh, yes!

-A little bit better.

-Much better.

Yep.

-That was good.

-That was good? That was good!

-That was good.

-Yay!

-Yes!

OK. High five.

-Oh, yes!

-Yes! Brilliant.

-Oh, my God!

-Good, excellent.

I need as much practice as I can get,

so Grandad's giving me driving lessons too.

I have been surprised how quickly she's caught on with everything.

She does have a specialist instructor.

Of course, when you've been driving for years

and teaching people for years,

as I was way back in 1956 -

I taught a lot of people to drive - you have your own methods

and ways of doing things.

Safety first at all times.

What are we waiting here for?

Er, somebody going past us.

-Once they've gone past us...

-They did.

-Did they?

-I saw...

-OK, well, away we go, then.

Perfect. Perfect takeoff. Beautiful.

When I first got in the car, I ended up with a very aching leg

because it's got a dual brake system.

-Why did you have your foot on the brake?

-Go on...

Only...only because the car was coming.

-Don't do that.

-Turn left.

-Because I...

-Turn left. OK, yes, I understand.

I let go of the foot brake, and you had it on.

-That's right.

-That's not me driving.

-Tight to the kerb.

-Don't do it.

OK. That's fair enough.

It's not OK, because Barry doesn't do it.

-He only puts his foot down...

-Yeah.

-..when I'm panicking.

That's correct, yeah.

I was quite happy then, you didn't need to do it.

One of the first things she bought,

long before she was going to learn to drive, was a sat nav.

-Pull into here and stop.

-No, I'll go and stop there.

-Eh?

I'll go round and stop in front of that silver car.

No way on this earth will I have any sat nav in my car.

OK. They are...

You...

Right, um, hang on a minute before you go anywhere.

She said, "Why don't you have my sat nav? It tells you where to go."

-Down there?

-And it's another hundred yards down.

I said, "No, no, no, I've got my own built-in sat nav."

And she said, "What?" I said, "Yeah, there's my sat nav, right there."

-Don't want to turn up someone's drive!

-Ha-ha!

I've done that myself before today, you know.

Turned up somebody's drive. Especially...

I followed somebody for a lot of miles in the fog,

and I followed his fog lights, and I followed him up his own drive.

Turn next right and stand beautifully square in the middle of the road.

Maybe you do need a sat nav after all, Grandad.

And...

No problem, that's absolutely perfect.

Very good, very good.

'I really feel I'm going places now.

'My dad's determined to move forward too, by improving his appearance.

'Years of taking drugs has had a terrible effect on his teeth.

When I was on crack,

I used to push and wobble them, and I just used to flick them out.

And I've got two teeth left in my mouth.

Get off people's gardens.

But Dad will soon have something to smile about.

What's happening with your teeth, Dad?

-Well, I went a week ago...

-Yeah.

-..to have impressions made of my gums.

-Yeah.

I've got to go back on Thursday.

-Right.

-And I think they'll give me some temporary teeth.

God, I can't imagine you with, like, a full set of bright, white teeth.

Oh, I know. I hope they're not too bright.

Like, sun glaring off them! Ping!

They asked me what colour I wanted.

-What colour you wanted?

-Yeah.

-"Hm, yellow, please"!

I'll have some nicotine-stained teeth!

Black, if you want.

So do you just want to do it for yourself, or for us, or...?

-For everybody.

-Right.

-It's nice to feel good about yourself, though.

-Yeah.

-Because of what I was doing before, when I was in Manchester...

-Yeah.

-..I didn't take care of my appearance...

-Yeah.

-..cos I didn't...I didn't have anybody, really, to impress.

-Yeah.

I do appreciate that you're making yourself look nice for us.

Well, you've got to...you've got to make an effort, haven't you?

-Yeah. I know Mum's been badgering you a lot as well.

-Oh, yeah.

'I won't be around when Dad gets his new teeth

'as I'm going to be away for the next month.

'As part of my college course, I'm doing a work placement

'at an animal hospital in America.'

Oh, God, where do I start?

'My placement is close to my Aunty Shelly's home,

'so I can stay with her. Mum's not coming with me.'

Jumpers. It'll be freezing.

A year ago, I wouldn't have even considered doing this without my mum,

and I think that's a big, big change in our relationship.

Um, I don't...

need her as much as I did.

Also, it'll be good for me to keep on getting that independence,

and it's just the next step in our relationship.

It's like me going away, other side of the world, without her,

that is huge - huge for us.

But it'll be good for me.

Do you want to come with me?

Do you want to come with me?

Oh, baby!

You do, don't you?

-How are you getting on with your packing?

-All right.

-Do you need that?

-Yeah.

Right. I have bought you this.

Oh, that's horrible. That's horrible.

-Right, but...

-I'm not taking it.

-Have a look what else is in.

-Oh, dollars.

-Yes.

-Why didn't you get dollars yet?

-I haven't had time. I was going to get them at the airport.

-So there's £50.

-Yep.

-But obviously, it's not a treat. You owe it me.

-OK.

-So, you owe me £50.

-I'll get it when I can.

Right, so put that in...in here.

-I've got you a card.

-Right.

-OK? So, do you want to open it?

-Yeah.

'Although I live at college,

'I've never spent this long away from my mum.

'I'm going to be worried about her,

'as she has a very serious lung condition.'

Oh.

I love you so much.

Really.

I love you so much. You'll never know.

You've got me going now.

-Whenever, you know, you're upset, will you ring me, please?

-Yeah.

-And don't kill any pets...

-I'll try not to.

..at the vet's, cos then you won't get a job.

I'll try.

Oh, don't cry. Don't.

Love you.

Two.

-Right, let's get on with packing.

-Yes.

This is the first time I've been to any airport without having my mum at my side.

-Hello! Can I check in, please?

-Thank you.

-Do you have your address details with you?

-Yeah.

-It's that one there.

-That's great, thank you.

-It's going to be gate number 203 at 9.50.

-OK, brilliant.

Thank you.

It's kind of nice not having to worry about what Mum's doing

or help her with anything.

It's just me being independent, and I kind of like it.

Just after I arrive in America, Mum receives some bad news.

Well, we got a letter from the landlord

because he wants the flat back,

and...in the next month, if possible.

Bev has got to move yet again.

-This is the third year running, is it?

-Yes.

Every 12 months, she's had to move.

I'd moved so many times, I've lost count.

Because we rent places, we can't guarantee that the landlord won't say

"I'm selling up" or "Can you move out? I want to live here myself",

you know. We keep getting really settled, and the landlord says "Right, out."

Her health is the main problem when Bev has to move.

She can't cope with dust,

and of course any movement includes that kind of thing.

There's the general physical aspect of,

obviously I couldn't put that microwave into a box,

couldn't pack up a television, take things off walls that people put up for me.

There's so many things to think about.

Mum will have to look for a new home in Wales.

But for the next month, my home will be in Mountainside,

a town close to New York.

I'm staying here with my Aunty Shelley and her family.

These are my cousins - Naomi, who is seven, and Sarah, who is five.

And that's 17-year-old Johnny in the white T-shirt

and 15-year-old Lonnie is the one in the hat.

I love spending time with Sarah and Naomi.

They just completely accept me for who I am.

You know, I'd like to say they look up to me, but they're nearly bigger than me now.

-Johnny and Lonnie are so much fun.

-Come on.

-No. I can't, no.

-Sing, sing.

I can't sing.

When I'm with them, my naughty side really comes out.

-You sing!

-I can't sing.

-Well, neither can I.

'They get my humour, and we're always laughing all the time.'

-Turn it into a rap.

-I'm always being told to calm down.

Give me a week, and I'll write a rap about a cat in a vet's.

Back in Wales, Mum's house hunting with Nana's help.

Oh, heck.

-Oh, heck. What?

-See where the door key is.

-You wouldn't be able to get in.

-Wouldn't be able to get in.

-Is that too high?

-At the moment, yeah.

OK, ladies, if you'd like to go through.

-If you turn to your right, Bev, you'll see the lounge.

-Oh, wow.

'There's so many things to think about.'

It's got to be two bedrooms.

It's got to be ground floor now because of my health.

-Try the light switch, Bev.

-Yeah, I can reach that.

And it's got to be easily manageable.

Look, Bev, you won't be able to reach the switch here,

you'd have to have some kind of adjustment there.

That's your central heating controls.

Yeah, I'll just get a little stool for me and Jazz.

No-one's going to adapt it for me,

people in rented property don't do that.

-Is this a shared garden?

-No, this is just for your use.

-Oh, brilliant.

I like pegging out my washing. I do.

I love this weather, pegging out. Feel a bit exposed.

Not only that - there's people above you,

and you didn't like it last time. There are times when you, you know,

you have your to-dos, you and Jazz, and somewhere like this...

-What, you mean shouting and arguing?

-Well, yes.

What, and you don't ever shout at my dad?

Well, of course, but I'm in a detached bungalow.

Luckily, next on the list is a detached bungalow,

just like Nana and Granddad's.

-Oh, this looks nice, Bev.

-Let me do a wheelie.

-Where are you going?

I'm doing a wheelie. This is me.

Let's go in, let's go in,

-let's go in.

-Hey, this is nice.

-Is it?

-Oh, yes. Come on, Bev. Wow.

-Wow. Oh, this...

-This is nice.

Hey, it's got blinds like mine. Oh, low light switches! Wow.

-Hey, this one's low as well.

-Oh, my God. Someone's built this for me.

Oh, oh, Mum. It's like a hotel. I can reach them. Mum, I can reach that.

TOILET FLUSHES

Oh!

Oh, Mum.

Yeah, it's nice, this one.

Don't want to look anywhere else, because I've already made my mind up.

-What, that you're having this one?

-Yeah.

Look at the deck. Wow.

Look at that for a view! It's better than mine. How dare you?

-Kestrels. I can see Snowdon.

-Yep, better than mine.

Hang on a minute, hang on a minute. I'm just going to practise something.

-What?

-Just a minute. I've got my swinging hammock, and I'm here.

My dogs are here, and my wine's here.

-Oh, yes. This is the place for me.

-Yes. This is fabulous.

Right, come on, cheer up. This is what you've always wanted. A bungalow. With a view.

Tell you what. I'll be able to sunbathe there.

No, I don't think so. Don't start going topless, Bev.

-No, here, this bit.

-No, no.

-No-one would see.

You don't know who's seeing you from the caravans.

There might be somebody with a pair of goggles like that.

-Well, there's not much to see, really.

-Oh, thank you.

Mum has found her dream home.

-And in America, I'm about

-to

-start my dream job.

-I'll see you later, then.

-Have a super day!

I'll see you at one o'clock. I'll come and pick you up.

This is a place where most of my employees, and now you,

are going to leave your coat here.

-This is what I wear at college.

-OK.

-Thank you very much.

-OK.

'In the past when I've done work experience,

'it's only involved grooming animals and cleaning their cages.'

So we need to establish exactly what you can do.

We check dogs for different diseases.

We do at least 20 a day so that's kind of,

you're going to be helping our technicians to do that.

'Wow. I'm a little shocked.

'It looks as if I'll be able to get some real hands-on experience.'

You can also, I can see you doing some lab work for us.

You can also help us clean cages or take care of animals.

I just can't wait to get started.

By the afternoon, I'm doing diagnostic lab work on a dog's blood.

-Make sure you rotate the samples.

-Yep.

All right. Here we go. Press Run.

So cool.

When I first walked in them doors,

I thought I was going to be just put in a corner and told, you know, "just watch but don't touch."

-Percentage of red blood cell count in the blood.

-Yeah, so it's normal.

Correct, this is normal.

'And here, it's completely different.'

And that's such a refreshing thing.

Do you think that's something you could do, like run bloods?

I think after a few practices...

I think she is really eager to learn.

I got an impression that she knows a lot already about animals.

She asks me really good questions

and hopefully, it will be a really big help for her future career.

In Wales, Mum is moving home today.

We may be little, but we have lots of stuff to pack up.

Oh, my goodness, can't believe how much dirt and dust is on the sofas.

Right, Paul, that all needs going in this corner.

There you go, Hemmel,

you're going to a new home today, and it won't be this bathroom.

-This is what's left. Stop, stop... Oh.

-Why are these out?

Put them under me. Just turn round, let me just put them under me, underneath.

When I have my boob job, right, this is...no, properly.

Right, this is what I'll look like.

How much sexier am I? Shall I go to the new bungalow like this?

I'll turn up there and people'll go, "Oh, look at her, she's gorgeous."

No, loads of women have it done now.

THEY LAUGH

-Jasmine?

-Yeah?

-I have really good case study for you.

I've been at the animal hospital in America for two weeks now

-and I'm really loving it.

-This came in the other day...

-That looks like...

-The white stuff is...

-Looks like a cluster of bladder stones.

-Yep, that's what they are.

Jasmine, as soon as she walks in through a door, she...

..became a hit in our place.

And it's not because of her height,

it's because of her outgoing personality.

-And now look at the light. It's above the scale.

-Oh.

It means that this cat is really dehydrated.

Oh, dear.

I've learnt so much. I've been so hands on.

I've been doing exactly what I want to do.

This cat is dehydrated so he needs to have some fluids

and you're going to be doing it.

You hold this needle, and be careful it goes under his skin.

Excellent.

The lab work is one of my favourite bits of it, I love it so much.

People were like, you're going to be so bored of it, but it's not,

because I can't wait for the results and I sit there waiting, like.

I'm such a sad teenager, really, when that sort of thing excites me.

People automatically assume that I need a stool to reach anything.

You know, and Michael's like, "No, we treat her like a big girl."

You know, she can do it but if she can't, she will ask for help.

And that's what I like.

I understand that it's very hard for people to gauge how to help me

and they don't want to offend me by not offering me any help,

and they don't want to offend me by offering me too much help.

It's a very hard balance, I understand that,

but they seem to have got it just right here.

That's why I run to work, I just can't wait to get here.

In Colwyn Bay, Mum has settled into her new home.

But that's not the only change.

Dad has finally got his false teeth.

I'm not sure if dad is brushing up his appearance to try and get mum back.

They've been getting very close.

There's been lots of flirting...

..and kissing, even before he got his new teeth!

-Paul, where are you?

-In the bathroom doing my teeth.

But they both keep telling me they're just good friends.

Right, so what do you have to do?

-You have to put this in them...

-Yeah.

-Then put them in my mouth

-and hold them, in my mouth.

-For how long?

-About two minutes until it sets.

-Two minutes like that.

-Yeah,

-but the other day, I did it and I put too much on...

-Yeah.

..and I ripped all the skin off the top of my mouth.

Why don't you just do that, put a cocktail in like mine,

like that and then...

SHE GIGGLES

-..swill it round a bit, cheers.

-Cheers.

SHE GIGGLES

Now that's how you have false teeth.

If you're going to do it, right, let's have a go at this.

SHE CONTINUES GIGGLING

Look at that!

That's how I keep mine.

Here are your teeth, you've just cleaned them.

Can I put them in and pretend they're mine?

HE LAUGHS

THEY BOTH LAUGH

You look like an owl.

THEY CONTINUE LAUGHING

Hello, marry me.

Am I sexy in these?

You look like an horse.

THEY GIGGLE

Leave them in there.

Whilst Dad is happy with his new smile,

there is one part of his body that he hates.

Years of taking drugs have scarred his legs permanently

so Dad always wears long trousers in public.

Drug taking wrecked me body, especially my legs.

I can't walk more than 100 yards or so

before my legs start burning and ache, my bones ache.

All these here, all the marks on my legs are from injection points

and where I've missed the vein and it's just gone into the muscle

and just starts eating away at it.

The vein's in my arms have gone. The only place I've got a vein left

is in my neck here and that's for, if I have to go to hospital

and they need to find a vein, that's the only place they'll find one.

Dad's trying to put his past behind him.

Wanting to take drugs is going to be in my mind for the rest of my life.

But you've just got to be determined not to slide back into that routine.

As part of moving on, Dad is smartening himself up,

but the only problem is that mum's taken on the role of his personal stylist.

In the next stage of your makeover, you're having your hair done,

and I want to tell you what style you're having.

-No.

-Yes, I am.

-No, I'm having my hair trimmed.

Please don't, I'm having my hair trimmed and that's it.

-Don't argue with me.

-I'm not...

While we're here, I'm going to have mine done.

-Is that water OK?

-That's lovely, yeah.

-Is that water fine for you?

-Fantastic, mate, yeah.

Make his cold.

-Ah...

-Don't listen to her, she's a trouble causer.

Is she? Does she wear the trousers in the household, then?

Oh, God yeah.

Wears the trousers? And what do you wear, Paul? Skirts?

Mum and dad are like an old married couple.

But when they first got together, they were very much in love.

Things that made me fall in love with Paul were things like

we laughed at the same things.

We wanted to travel to the same places.

We just got on.

We were friends for so long

and we just, sort of, one night clicked and that was it.

And then we were never apart for...three to four years.

Paul, do you remember when you met me?

What was my hair like then?

-Beautiful.

-Oh, isn't now?

No. Of course, it is.

It was just dead long, wasn't it?

I used to go to her flat and she wasn't in, I'd be gutted.

-And...

-Stop it, Carl.

I'd sit, sit outside her door sometimes waiting for her to come in.

-Yeah, we used to be really romantic, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-Not now.

He didn't seem to have any issue about me being small.

None at all. He didn't talk about it much,

he didn't question it much from day one.

I just saw her as a person,

I didn't see her as small.

I saw her, she was a woman. And she's beautiful looking.

When we were first together, I was constantly,

don't you dare say that, who you staring at?

And then one day Bev said to me, "You'll be doing that forever,"

so I had to learn to put up with it, really.

It was hard, you know what I mean, because I wanted to protect her.

I didn't want people saying nasty things. And staring down.

Especially when we walked down the road holding hands.

I've been called a paedophile for going out with her,

because she was small.

But I've explained to them she's older than me,

so how does that make me one of them?

Final phase of the makeover.

Now that you've got your hair nice, we need to choose some clothes.

Look at him, that's...can you imagine your head on that body?

Your head there...

come on bend down to mine. Now look, look at that.

I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you.

You could have me after that, as your girlfriend,

if you looked like that.

I'll stay like I am, thanks. And be single.

HE LAUGHS

Your face...

Oh, you're so funny. Go and get a basket.

-Do you like it?

-Yeah.

Do you want to have a look in the mirror? Or just trust me?

You can buy a coat without looking at it in the mirror,

I can't believe that.

Paul will always be the person who gave me Jasmine.

And that is most precious gift that he could,

that anyone could give me,

and I'll never ever stop loving him because of it.

-I'm not carrying them.

-Go on, you can carry them.

SHE LAUGHS

My work placement is over and it's time to say goodbye.

I've learned so much, my teacher, Michael, has been amazing.

I've got you a picture of me...me being happy.

Oh. Thank you so much.

I arrive home from America to big changes.

Wow.

Mum has a new home.

-This is going to be my double...

-Yeah, I can tell you've taken the nice room.

Jazz...I'm here, I live here.

Paddy and Pebbles have had a hair cut.

Pebbles! Paddy!

But the biggest change is with Dad.

-Hi, love.

-Hi, Dad. Oh, you look brilliant.

-Show her your teeth.

-Wow.

-No moustache.

-You look amazing.

-It feels really weird having these.

-Yeah, I'm sure it does.

-It makes feel really weird.

-Really?

Because I've had to start to learn to chew again.

-It sounds weird but I have.

-Wow.

-You do look brilliant.

-I can't believe it.

-You'll get used to it.

Oh, yeah, I will get used to them.

Actually, you're tired, aren't you, darling?

I've barely had chance to recover from jet lag...

..when it's time to start my driving lessons again.

Whenever you're ready, I'll leave it to you.

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

The more lessons I have, the more skills I learn.

I love driving.

And now it's time to put those new skills to the test...literally!

Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes!

I can't believe it's the morning of my driving test.

-Morning, Jazz, how are you?

-Hello.

-Are you all ready for it?

-Morning.

-Do I look ready for it?

-Yeah.

-Well, at least it's a nice day. How are you?

I'm fine, how are you, Bev?

-All right, good luck for you both today.

-Oh, we don't need luck, do we, Jazz?

-I know, but you know what I mean.

-You've got the skills, haven't you, and the knowledge.

Yes, yes, and we can always blame Barry if anything goes wrong.

-We just say, do you know what, I knew he wasn't a good...

-You always blame the examiner

-if it goes wrong.

-Oh, no, no, no.

-Good luck.

-He's the person who says yes or no.

Hurry up because I want to start going shopping and things.

I need a taxi.

-Good luck, darling.

-Yeah.

Oh, this is it.

Good luck, be safe.

She will be absolutely on the floor if she doesn't pass today.

I'm nervously driving to the test centre when, suddenly,

there's a huge problem.

What's happened is we've got the malfunction warning light come up on the dash.

We've got to take it to a dealer.

Hopefully, we can get it done in the next 5 or 10 minutes ready for test,

but if not, unfortunately, the test won't go ahead, isn't it?

-Which is a shame because Jazz is all ready to go.

-I felt really good,

I felt really confident, I had a nice drive here.

And then this warning light comes up and it's just, it's so unfair

because it's like I was ready, I felt so confident,

and then there's just nothing you can do.

Just been in. They've said that it'll actually take them at least an hour to be able to check it,

so I think the best thing we should do is go for the test.

If it comes on during test and they decide they want to terminate, well, OK, that's the way it is.

The warning light is off again,

but I'm really scared it could come on at any time.

I've got to do my test now anyway,

so I just hope it doesn't distract me.

Love her to pass first time.

It's going to be able to get her out and about so much.

She'll be busy now driving and reversing, and things like that,

and I'm just going, "Oh, my god, she's taking her driving test, oh."

And I'm the one falling apart.

I want my little baby to be happy and do everything well and that's it.

'Hooray, put your feet up and hands up.'

Not because she's mine,

but because I don't want her to get hurt in any way.

I don't want her to feel sad, even though you've got to in life.

'Hey, look at that, nana, isn't she clever?'

You can't feel happy and know the joys of happiness and success

unless you've failed a few times.

It was really hard.

It was so hard.

I didn't think it'd be that much pressure but...

I was OK when I got in the car, then it was like oh, my God, it's real,

and that engine thing really put me off,

so I was just waiting for it come back on and...

I really lost...lost concentration because of that.

I failed my test.

I just feel sometimes like I have to make up for the fact that I'm small

by doing things perfect.

Even though I can do it again,

I just feel like I've really failed and everything.

It's really hard.

It's just one other step in life, pass or fail,

OK, another step in life.

And, next time, she'll pass.

I'm trying to sort out my new bedroom

and I've found an old box of keepsakes.

Dad missed the first 16 years of my life so I wanted to share my childhood memories with him.

The good ones.

My first primary school. I loved that school.

Probably still fits, actually.

And the bad ones.

-Your mum said that you hated that...

-School photo, hate it.

-Ugh...my fringe!

-But your mum said you hated it.

-I do.

Mum used to put like a pan over our head and do it like that.

You couldn't tell who was a boy or a girl

because it was all the same haircut.

These, although they look incredibly tatty and horrible,

these were what I was wrapped in from when I was born.

-Look at that.

-Yeah.

Massive rip in it, up to when I was about three and four,

-I used to have these everywhere with me.

-Yeah, comfort blankets, aren't they?

-Good memories.

-I wish I could have been there.

-Yeah.

I never used to sort of think, "Oh, what would it be like with my dad around?"

-because I'd never had you around that I could remember.

-Yeah.

You know what I mean, it's not like you left when I was five or six where I'd be able to remember.

-Well, I'm staying now.

-Pram toys,

used to go across the pram. Do you ever feel that you've missed out?

-Yeah, I always feel I missed out, yeah.

-Why?

Cos, you know, all these memories you've got here,

-I should have known them, shouldn't I?

-Yeah, guess so.

I shouldn't be shown them now. I should have been there.

-You know, when I chose drugs, I didn't purposely choose them not to be with you.

-Yeah.

They had a big grip on me and on my life at the time.

I would have thought, you know, having mum and then having me...

Yeah, should have changed me. Should of, yeah.

It should have done.

-I think things worked out good I'm...a pretty good person.

-You've travelled all around the world.

-Mum's given me the most amazing life.

-Yeah, I know, yeah.

I used to love this jumper.

You know, the thing is I don't want to dwell on the past now.

I want to look forward to the future and plan the future

and have a happy future and there's nothing we can do to change the past, there's no point.

No, the past is the past, isn't it?

There's no point in dwelling on that

and as long as things stay as good as they are now, I'm happy and...

Yeah, they will do, yeah, they will. Cos I'm happy,

I'm the happiest I've been in a lot of years. I really am.

'Hello, Mr Camel.'

One of my happiest childhood memories is visiting the Welsh Mountain Zoo with my granddad.

'There's the monkey house and oh, yes,

'look at this monkey. This is the wild monkey of the zoo.

'Oh, look at that one climbing up. A silver spider.

-'I think a marmoset.

-Oh, Marmoset.

-Baby marmoset.'

The zoo has always been a special place to me

so I'm really pleased my dad has been accepted to do voluntary work.

'There's a clown. Hello.'

I'm shaving because it's the first day at the work, at the zoo,

and I don't want to look scruffy.

And...

Bev's told me off you see, as she does.

I've got to do this because all my hair sticks up at the back.

Yeah, I think I look presentable.

Let me look at your shaving. Right, missed some there.

I don't know why that bit sticks up all the time.

-Is it still sticking up?

-Nevermind, leave it. That's the way your hair is.

-What is that?

-This?

-Yeah.

-It's aftershave.

-Oh, oh, I see.

Do you think they'll have a few women there?

You're going all tarted up with you...thank you.

Oh, aftershave, teeth in, hair done.

Hmmm, hmmmm.

You'll have one of the female baboons after you.

THEY LAUGH

I like what you said this morning, "I'm making something of myself."

Well, I am making something of myself, aren't I?

Yeah, I should have made you a flask up, shouldn't I?

-With a little sandwich box.

-Well, you see.

Shoddy, that's what you are.

-See you later.

-Bye.

Dad is going to pick up litter one morning a week.

All the litter's concentrated in this area.

Chimpanzee world.

If he proves reliable, he may be able to start looking after the animals.

What's that? Little Stonehenge? There's a bottle there.

And there's our sea lions.

Oh, wow.

I love sea lions, I think they're well top.

Off for a swim now.

I feel really lucky working here because I can see something

every day, something different, something new every day.

Oh, wow look at that.

Mum, here! Look! It just swam right there.

-Right, we'll go to the penguins now.

-Yeah, come and see the penguins.

I love penguins because they're dead comical, the way they walk.

Dad's come so far.

He's on a methadone programme, he's got his own flat,

and now he's got his first job in 25 years, as a volunteer at the zoo.

When I was homeless, I didn't have money

because I used to count every bit of money I got, I'd add it up,

and add it up, and then when I made £30, then I'd go off

and buy some heroin and crack.

So I'd never, never have any money in my pocket.

Not even, you know, coppers, twos or ones, nothing like that.

And I used to wake up every morning with nothing,

and I'd think to myself

"Oh, God I've got to get through another day now of begging

"for food and for drugs."

And it's not, it's not fun. Drugs are not fun.

When I heard my dad had got a volunteer placement at the zoo,

I couldn't have been prouder. I was so happy

and I thought, that's it,

he's getting better and he seems so excited and he says he's never been happier.

And then...

it was about a week or so later that I found the drugs.

Sometimes, Dad will stay over to look after Mum,

and if I'm not around, he sleeps in my bed.

I was in my room packing to go to college

when I found something I'd never seen before.

I lifted a T-shirt up and this tiny packet of,

looked like brown, kind of, dried up dirt, almost,

and I was like, you know, I'd no idea what it was.

"What's this?" I said, "What do you mean, what's this?"

She said, "Oh, I found it in my clothes." I said, "It's rubbish, I don't know, it's rubbish.

"I don't know what it is." And she said, "Well, I'm going asking my dad."

He took it off me and like looked at it for a minute and was like, "Oh, I don't know, I'll throw it away."

And I said, "OK," and then he went out onto the decking,

and I thought he was just going to put it in the rubbish bin.

I got a bit suspicious of him, the way he reacted.

So I went out to the door and just looked.

I saw him...pretend to throw something over the balcony

and then actually shove it in his pocket

and pull his t-shirt down over his pocket.

Then it kind of clicked that it might be something a bit odd.

I went on the internet and just typed in 'brown powdered drugs'.

And the first thing that came up was heroin.

I just remember feeling completely cold.

I didn't know what to do, so I left for my week at college

without talking to Mum or Dad about it.

At college, I spoke to two of my tutors

who suggested I confront him the following weekend

when someone else was there.

If he was innocent, he was likely to talk it through.

But if he was guilty, he would probably deny it and storm off.

As soon as I got home, I put all my stuff in my room,

and my dad was sat outside having a cigarette,

and I stood outside,

and I just stood there, and I remember trying to pluck up the courage to say it.

I was like, "Go on, Jazz, just say it, just get it over with."

And I eventually said,

"Dad, what I found last weekend, I know exactly what it was,

"and I want you to tell the truth and admit it and we can try and work through this."

And he just stood up,

and he just stormed round the house getting his shoes on.

I said, "Look, Dad,

"if you were innocent you'd just sit down and talk to me, you know,

"you'd deny it and try and defend yourself."

He walked off down the hill and didn't say anything.

The next morning, I texted my dad saying,

"I don't want to argue, Dad, I just want to know the truth."

And he texted me straight back saying,

"I'm sorry, I've messed up,

"I've took heroin three times in the last two weeks."

I remember just feeling completely numb.

The minute I saw that text, I lost all respect for him.

Dad told me someone had offered to sell him heroin

and it played on his mind.

I ended up saying, "Will you go and get me some?"

A foolish, foolish thing to do.

I took heroin again to see if it had a hold of me

or I missed it.

I don't miss it.

I don't want it in my life and it was a big, big mistake.

He's chosen drugs over me again, you know, he did when I was born

and he's done it again and I just, I feel worthless because of it.

I feel like somebody's died, you know.

Part of me's died inside.

Part of Jasmine has.

I don't have any regrets because she had to meet him,

she had to know him.

And I warned her all the time, he could go back to drugs,

and then again he could become the person that we want him to be.

Heroin is evil and it destroys lives.

And it not only destroys that person's life who's taking it

but it destroys everyone's lives around them.

I know that my dad can't help it because that's all he's ever known

and he's been taking heroin for so many years,

it's completely taken over him.

The future of Paul is in Paul's hands.

17 years ago, my mum asked dad to stay away.

Now it was my turn to do the same thing.

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

My dad's still living in Colwyn Bay.

But he's in his flat on his own.

I'm heartbroken.

I've lost Bev and Jazz.

And that just hurts so, so much.

For a little bit of brown powder...

..I've, you know, lost their trust, their respect.

I just wish I hadn't done it.

My dad hopes to continue to volunteer at the zoo

and says he's going to go into detox as soon as he can.

I don't want drugs to be in my life.

I want...I want to be a family more than I want drugs.

And if they don't accept me back when I've done detox,

I'll miss them forever.

But Dad's relapse won't stop me living my life.

I'm just really nervous. I don't like getting up in front of people anyway.

It's the end of the college year and time for the student awards.

-Who's coming today, then, Jazz?

-What, to support me?

-Yeah.

-My mum.

-Yeah.

-And she's, like, obviously super excited.

-I'm gutted that my dad's not going to be there.

-Yeah.

So do you think you'll ever let your dad back in your life, then?

Erm... It's definitely too early to tell,

I don't want to make any decisions that I'm going to regret.

I don't want him to be on any kind of drug rehabilitation programme,

I don't want him to be on methadone.

I don't want him to be on any kind of drug at all.

Got loads of spots, oh, God, I look horrible.

For me, getting back into mainstream education has been a big challenge,

as I left school when I was 13 after being badly bullied.

On each course here, the students vote for the person they think most deserves an award.

Are you nervous?

-Yes.

-Why? Don't need to be.

Jazz, be proud.

I kept looking over at my mum for support and the first time I looked over I was expecting to see my dad

because I'd been waiting so long for him to come to something like this

and we planned it from the very first day I met him,

that he was going to be in my life watching me achieve my dreams

and now he's just blown it all.

This event is about celebrating the success of land-based learners.

The room is full of proud family members or friends or parents

and I almost want to sort of go, that's my daughter there.

But I don't need to because it's bloody obvious!

And for Animal Care Level 2, Jasmine Burkitt.

'I'm just very proud of her.'

In less than 12 months she has grown up and matured so much educationally

that she has got all distinctions in her assignments.

This award has got my blood, sweat and tears in it, honestly.

I've worked so hard and I'm so relieved now that it's all paid off and I've got this, yes!

Oh, there's no words to explain how proud we are of her.

She's just unbelievable, isn't she?

She hadn't had a dad, so I had to step in there and be that.

Whee! Splash!

She's given me seventeen and a half years of a wonderful lifestyle.

It's been great and I would do it all again.

-Got a picture of me, Grandad?

-That is brilliant, love. Brilliant, brilliant...

She is now a bright and brilliant seventeen and a half year old,

she's educated herself to a very large extent, brilliantly,

gets on with things and I'm just proud of her.

Very, very proud.

SHE SOBS

I can't believe it!

She has fantastic friendships,

and some brilliant family.

Group hug. Whoo!

So, I think between us all, love heals.

'I've told Dad he's got to be totally clean of drugs

'if he's ever going to be part of my life again.

'Until then, it's just me and Mum.

'We're so different, but we work so well together,

'and we love each other more now'

than we ever did and I think that we're going to be OK.

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