The Two Ronnies Talking Comedy


The Two Ronnies

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With the Two Ronnies, size mattered.

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Together, big Ronnie Barker and little Ronnie Corbett

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were amongst TV's biggest stars in the 1970s and '80s,

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with big shows that got very big ratings.

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They had a magic, audience-pleasing formula.

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There were always the joke news reports,

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some wordplay from Ronnie B, a monologue from Ronnie C,

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a comedy song and a goodnight from me and a goodnight from him.

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Much of that classic material was written by Ronnie Barker himself,

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which is something we see him talk about

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in this encounter with Michael Parkinson.

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A quote for you - "Wildly berserk, a coordinated clown,

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"expressively bizarre - that's how it comes across on the screen.

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"But it's all rather like the sober clerk

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"getting tiddly at the office party.

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"Away from his disguises, he's almost indecently normal,

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"bland, innocuous and polite."

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End of quote. Here tonight, minus disguises, Ronnie Barker!

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APPLAUSE

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-Indecently normal?

-What?

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-Indecently normal.

-Yes.

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Or normally indecent.

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But indecently normal? Yes, I'm very normal, yes.

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Almost to the point of indecency, yes. Yes, I'm married with a wife.

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Well, you have to. If you're married, you have to have a wife.

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-Absolutely.

-And I've got three children -

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one of each.

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-And I live in a house with four walls and two roofs.

-Two roofs?

-Yes.

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-There's one...and the other one's over the house.

-But are you...?

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-Yes, I like this.

-You like it?

-Wall-to-ceiling carpet.

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-Part of the BBC's economy drive.

-It's very nice.

-Do you, in fact...

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I mean, I took that quote out of context, in a sense,

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but the sense of all the articles that one reads about you

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is that in fact you are a shy man, normally - is that so?

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Er... I'm shy when there are more than three people in the room.

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Um...

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No, I... Yes, I can't...

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I can't even be a best man at a wedding, for instance.

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I can't make speeches.

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I'm always, obviously, getting letters that say,

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"Will you make a speech?"

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I'm very shy. I'm shy at the moment.

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I once tried to open a fete...

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..and tried to make a speech to open a fete - and I just couldn't...

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The fete just wouldn't open.

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I mean, that's extraordinary, you see -

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because how on earth do you appear in public?

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I mean, how do you appear on television, for instance?

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I'm always wondering. It's luck, I suppose.

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No, I have to hide behind the character, really.

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I can't be myself.

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I feel I have no personality,

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so I pull on a character, you know?

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Put on a moustache and a voice...

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You literally disguise yourself and feel quite comfortable?

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Oh, yes - I'm fine, doing that.

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You are also a writer too, of course.

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I mean, you've written some very, very good stuff.

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-Very good comedy material.

-Thank you.

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Has that ever been affected by your shyness at all?

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-Have you ever been too shy to reveal yourself as a writer?

-Oh, yes.

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When I first started writing seriously, I think, for...

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I mean, comic-serious - seriously started writing comedy,

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if that makes sense...

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in Frost On Sunday, which I'm afraid was on the other side...

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but we soon brought it over here and called it The Frost Report, or was it the other way round?

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Anyway, I started writing in Frost On Sunday,

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but I didn't want to present Ronnie Corbett and the director

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with a sketch and they had to say

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"That's very good, very nice" - when it was awful.

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So I wanted a sketch - if it got on - to be done under its own merits.

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And so, I wrote...

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I called myself "Gerald Wiley"

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and sent in a sketch from my agent.

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I got him to farm it in, said it was some strange recluse

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who lived in the country and wrote novels,

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but he thought he'd like to try his hand at writing sketches.

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And luckily, they loved them, for the first two weeks.

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And...

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No, we did them and they said, "Great new find, Gerald Wiley."

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I said, "Yes, very good, very good"

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and pretended not to understand parts of them.

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"What does this mean here?"

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And then, I suppose it was the third week I did one...

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and the editor came in - the script editor -

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and said, "Wiley's dropped a clanger this week.

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"Load of rubbish," he said.

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I said, "Is it really? Let's have a look" and read it through and said,

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"Oh, yes. Absolutely hopeless. Chuck it out." We chucked it out.

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Which means...that it worked. For me, that worked.

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That was just what I wanted, so that if I thought I'd written a good sketch

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and other people didn't think so, then they threw it out.

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And your disguise was complete?

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Yes - and I kept it hidden for a long time.

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All right, but how long did it...

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How, in fact, was the secret discovered?

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I wrote a sketch about the doctor's waiting room

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and Ronnie Corbett loved it. It was all...

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I had three lines in it, it featured Ronnie, who came into

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a doctor's waiting room and no-one would talk to him - as people don't talk.

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He said, hello, good morning, good morning - and no-one said anything.

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So he started reading funny bits out of the paper and no-one laughed.

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So then he sang a little song - he stood up and sang a song,

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then he did a full Fred Astaire all over the table. Nobody noticed.

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He finished this great thing and suddenly got a round of applause.

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It was a sketch like that and everyone in the waiting room

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eventually joined in, all sang a song.

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So he loved this and he said, "I'd like to buy this from Gerald Wiley."

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I said, "Why don't you ring up the agent and see what he wants for it?"

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So I rang my agent quickly and said, "Ask him 250 quid for it."

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-That was a very friendly thing to do!

-Yes, quite.

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That was before inflation, that was -

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when you could get three pennyworth of chips

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and still get change from sixpence.

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Work that out. Takes a bit of time.

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Anyway, I said "Ask 250 quid".

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So he rang up and said, "He wants 250 quid."

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He came and told me. Ronnie said, "He wants £250 for it!"

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I said, "Don't pay it. It's rubbish."

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LAUGHTER

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Because I knew I was going to give him the sketch later on, you see?

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So he rang up and said "No, I'm not going to have that."

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So eventually, I asked my agent to say,

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Gerald Wiley would like to give Ronnie Corbett the sketch,

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because he appreciates all he's done -

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the performances in the previous sketches.

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So Ronnie says, "He's given it to me free. Oh, I must do something.

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"I must go out and buy him a present."

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So he rushed out and bought six beautiful crystal glasses

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and presented them to me, just on the last day.

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But he didn't present them to me,

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he left them at reception for Gerald Wiley

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and then we all revealed it all

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and I said, "Thanks very much for the glasses" and took them away.

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And he was... He didn't know what to do!

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That was a fairly large serving of Ronnie Barker there,

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so now let us treat ourselves to a little helping of Ronnie Corbett,

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talking again to Michael Parkinson.

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APPLAUSE

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-How are you?

-Thank you very much.

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Well, I'm a little bit nervous, but...

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I must say, it was very, very encouraging,

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because as I walked on just now, a little bit nervous and tentative,

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a lady over there... I heard her say,

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"Doesn't he remind you of Clint Eastwood?" It was very nice.

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LAUGHTER

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Made me relax.

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In fact, that's the first question I wanted to ask you.

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Do you use humour as a defence against your size?

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I suppose...

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I suppose, in order to make other people feel comfortable

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and make them feel that I'm not worrying about it.

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I naturally go to it...for succour.

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I mean, I grab at it, to...

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I suppose it is. Yes, I suppose it is.

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When did you first realise, in fact,

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that you were smaller than other people?

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LAUGHTER

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That's a very good question, because...

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-it is a very good question!

-It is excellent, of course.

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I thought long and hard before I put it down.

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Well, actually, I suppose...my wedding day.

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LAUGHTER

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No, no!

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The vicar shoved my head in the font and said,

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-"I name this child Ronnie Corbett!"

-LAUGHTER

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No, because my wife and I...

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My wife and I actually met in the hall of mirrors and...

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LAUGHTER

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..she thought I was seven foot six.

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No, I suppose seriously, when everybody else was sprouting up

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at the age of 13 and 14 and going into long trousers,

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I realised I wasn't and...

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Going into long trousers?

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..I wasn't sprouting up or going into long trousers.

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And that was when it began to...

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Did anybody ever try to increase your height at all?

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Well, I had an aunt who was kind of anxious

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to get me to be a little taller and she sent away for a course,

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a two guinea course -

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which didn't work -

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and I used to have to stick pins in the wall every morning and say,

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"Everyday and in every way, I am getting taller and taller.

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I obviously didn't say it with much conviction.

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LAUGHTER

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Let's talk about the development of your style.

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How did this style, best described as "wandering monologue",

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that you have now - how did that develop?

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Well, that really developed because before the BBC days,

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Ronnie and I were at London Weekend, we did some shows there.

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I did a show on Saturday night called The Corbett Follies,

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which was a big glamorous show with tall showgirls -

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a variety show, really -

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and I used to do monologue and I used to, by accident,

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get lost in it and try to fumble my way out.

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And one day, Spike Mullins...

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spoke to me in the canteen at London Weekend and said,

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"I've been watching you fumbling your way through these monologues

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"to some effect, but I think that I could write them - the fumbles -

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"better than you do them by accident",

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which was fairly obvious, I would have thought.

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And so, Spike started writing...

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the digressing monologues...

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and they're now written by David Renwick,

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who copies the style that Spike had written

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and that's how it really evolved.

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A bit from me and a bit from Spike, working in that way.

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I do cabaret and I do...

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I very much enjoy the feeling of talking

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as though something is not written and therefore losing my way

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and seeming to be picking it out of the air, you know?

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Yes, yes.

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That appeals to me, that putting it together -

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weaving it like a little bit of lace,

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-from putting it in a lot of jokes into making it prose, really.

-Right.

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-Do you have an example ready?

-Well, er...

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It's a question of creeping into it, so that people...

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When I arrived, for example, at the studio tonight...

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and I parked the car and Bert the doorman was there - you know Bert?

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Ha. A man of many parts...

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..which nobody's ever seen, because he's a bachelor...

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LAUGHTER

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But anyway, I handed...

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I handed him... I went up...

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LAUGHTER

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That's Bert, yes!

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He's got fewer parts than I thought!

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LAUGHTER

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I went to reception, I got my key from the lady, the receptionist -

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a very forbidding lady with her hair in a bun

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and her nose in a cheese sandwich.

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LAUGHTER

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And as I...

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As I left the reception, the vicar was leaving -

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presumably from having recorded The Epilogue or something, I don't know.

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I got the dressing room and as I opened the dressing room,

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it was in a terrible mess

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and I thought it was some previous fool,

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whoever was in it yesterday hadn't...

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Anyway, as I thought, shall I complain?

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I thought, no, I shall think of the vicar having left

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and I'll tell tonight,

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when Michael asks me,

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a religious story.

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I thought because, as you all probably know,

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today is the last Thursday before...

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The last Saturday, sorry...

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before... before Sunday.

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Now, I know that sounds...

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rather like a pathetic excuse to tell an old joke -

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and that's exactly what it is, because this joke needs an excuse

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and if I could have thought of a better one, I would have done so.

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Actually, to be honest,

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I found this story in an old copy of the Radio Times.

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I was browsing through it,

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looking at a picture of Patrick Moore in Sky At Night...

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wondering what it must be like to put your suit on with a shovel...

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-Now, I...

-APPLAUSE

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My old dad used to say to me,

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he used to say to me, "Remember, Ron..."

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He had a wonderful memory for names, my dad...

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"Remember, Ron..."

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He had a habit of repeating himself, as well.

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He said, "Remember, Ron - always remember, the show must go on."

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Now, he was 40 years a centre lathe turner,

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so I don't know why he troubled to mention it, but he did, so there.

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Anyway, the joke. This is about two vicars who meet in the street

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and one of them says to the other, he says, "Woe is me. Woe is me -

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"some thieving parishioner has made off with my bike

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"and from now on, it looks like

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"Shanks's pony for ever and ever, etc, etc."

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Or words to that effect.

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He didn't say "etc, etc", I said that.

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I didn't want to say everything the vicar said, otherwise I'd be here...

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..and the story would go on forever.

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"Good heavens", said his friend,

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lapsing into the professional jargon.

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By the way, please don't think I am knocking anyone's religion.

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I wouldn't do that, believe me.

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I can't wait to see the Pope catch up with Dave Allen.

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That'll cure his dandruff. Anyway, I...

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-LAUGHTER The Pope's?

-The Pope's?

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Oh, no. Dave Allen's. Well, both of them, perhaps.

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Anyway, these two vicars are talking about how one of them

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had his bike stolen, you see?

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"Woe is me", says the one whose bike it was.

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"Yea, woe is you", said his friend.

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He said, "What about the local police?"

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"Oh, I've thought about them,

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"but I don't want to accuse anybody until I'm absolutely sure."

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Then his friend said, "I have an idea -

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"next Saturday, get up there

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"and give them the full ten Commandments -

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"and when you get to 'thou shalt not steal',

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"have a look for the red face -

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"and that will be the one who purloined your velocipede."

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Now, I have....

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I have a great temptation here to tell you the story about

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-when Moses was in the desert...

-No, don't...

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One of them said, "How did you get on about your bike?"

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Now, we're getting near the end.

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"Did the ten Commandments idea work?" he said.

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And the other vicar said, "Yes, it worked marvellously.

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"When I got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery',

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-"I remembered where I'd left it."

-LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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While Ronnie Corbett had his monologues,

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Ronnie Barker worked wonders with vocabulary.

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Whether it was a spoonerism or a double entendre,

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he loved mixing words up and messing with their meanings.

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You've just come back from a place where I've just returned from,

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-Australia...

-Camerontown...oh, Australia.

-Yes.

-Yes, yes.

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-Did you have a good time there?

-Lovely place.

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-Did you love it?

-I adored it.

-I adored it, it was beautiful.

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-Sydney, I was staying in Sydney. Were you?

-Yes.

-Beautiful.

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-You fell in love with Sydney?

-I did, indeed.

-Does your wife know?

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-Oh, my God.

-Oh, here we go.

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No, no.

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-I... I thought it was lovely.

-What about Adelaide?

-What?

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-Did you fall in love with Adelaide?

-No, I never got as far as her.

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Did you have a moment when you knew exactly, the moment on stage

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when you knew that you could act.

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-When you knew could do it.

-Do it...yes.

-Act.

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That was under the stage, actually, but we won't talk about that.

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No. No, no, no. I don't think I could put my finger on it, as they say.

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No, please...

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-Was it onstage or under the stage?

-No, I don't think I...

0:15:200:15:24

I think it was a gradual thing, I found that they kept giving me

0:15:240:15:27

comedy parts and that's what I liked. And I liked that.

0:15:270:15:30

You know I still, you still love the thrill of a really big laugh.

0:15:310:15:34

It's still there, that's what makes you keep doing it.

0:15:340:15:37

Let's move on to the present time

0:15:370:15:38

because of the Two Ronnies, which is incredibly successful.

0:15:380:15:41

And I suppose next to, alongside Eric and Ernie,

0:15:410:15:43

you two, the Two Ronnies are the best-known

0:15:430:15:46

and most popular comedians that we have in this country.

0:15:460:15:49

-So far.

-So far, yes. But what about the...?

0:15:490:15:52

The one thing that characterises, in fact,

0:15:530:15:56

the show is the love you have for words. For wordplay.

0:15:560:16:00

Yes, I do love words. Yes, I do. I'm always thinking of...

0:16:000:16:04

I always think in terms of words. I'm not a visual man, you know.

0:16:040:16:07

I mean, I'm always thinking of words not only in, on the show

0:16:070:16:10

but you know, here and now.

0:16:100:16:11

Like, I love thinking of people's names backwards, you know.

0:16:110:16:15

We've got the lovely lady Miss Streep who's coming on, she's, she's...

0:16:150:16:19

I've forgotten what she is, backwards. What is she backwards?

0:16:190:16:22

Peer-peer-peert. She's Miss Peert.

0:16:220:16:24

-And then you've got Nottingnob, coming on.

-Nottingnob?

0:16:240:16:27

-Yes.

-That's Chris Bonington.

-Chris Bonington, yes.

0:16:270:16:29

And of course, you're Nosikrap, you know.

0:16:290:16:31

-I'm Nosikrap, yes, I know.

-LAUGHTER

0:16:310:16:34

You have, of course, made a virtue of this in the Two Ronnies,

0:16:370:16:39

cos one of my favourite bits of it is the mispronunciation.

0:16:390:16:42

-Oh, yes, yes. Do you want a bit of that?

-I would like that.

0:16:420:16:45

I'll give you that. And give you a bit of that.

0:16:450:16:49

Good evening, last year, I spoke to you

0:16:490:16:52

appealing for help for those who, like myself, have trouble with worms.

0:16:520:16:56

They can't pronounce their worms properly.

0:16:560:16:58

Now, I am the secretary for the Loyal Society for the Relief

0:16:580:17:01

of Sufferers from Pismonunciation. LAUGHTER

0:17:010:17:04

Now, the recent I'm once more squeaking to you tonight is

0:17:040:17:07

that many people last time couldn't understand what I was spraying.

0:17:070:17:11

So I'm back again on your little queens

0:17:110:17:13

to straighten it and make it all queer.

0:17:130:17:15

It's a terrible thung to be ting-tied.

0:17:150:17:17

It's even worse when your weirds get all mucksed up

0:17:170:17:20

and come out in whacka-say that you dink not what you thung you bing.

0:17:200:17:23

Like I did just then, only crutch, much nurse.

0:17:230:17:26

Though, it can be cured by careful draining and special draining

0:17:260:17:28

stools, which the society has fed up all over the Twiddish Isles.

0:17:280:17:32

And for the really dicky felt cases,

0:17:320:17:34

we have a three-year bash course on the Isle of Fright.

0:17:340:17:36

But the disease is spreading.

0:17:370:17:39

It affects people from all walks of loaf,

0:17:390:17:42

members of the swivel service, lawyers, silly sodders...

0:17:420:17:46

Commercial dribblers, cop-sheepers and whack-tree ferverts.

0:17:460:17:49

Especially on the night shirt.

0:17:490:17:51

And famous piddly-ticians like Widdly Hamilton,

0:17:510:17:54

not forgetting of course Penoch Owl. Stars of screege and stain

0:17:540:17:58

like Black Mygraves, Frantic Howard and Peculiar Clark.

0:17:580:18:01

And of course, Rudoll Noriev, the ballet dangler.

0:18:010:18:05

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE So, have you got that?

0:18:050:18:08

Amongst the things that made the Two Ronnies different to other

0:18:120:18:15

double acts was the fact that they both had individual successes

0:18:150:18:19

alongside the Two Ronnies Show.

0:18:190:18:22

Ronnie Barker had Porridge and Open All Hours.

0:18:220:18:25

Ronnie Corbett played the son of a domineering

0:18:250:18:27

mother in the sitcom Sorry!.

0:18:270:18:30

And "sorry" is what he ended up saying a lot at the end of this

0:18:300:18:33

interview with Terry Wogan.

0:18:330:18:36

Just watch how it unfurls...

0:18:360:18:38

I'm sorry to have been so long in getting here, Terry.

0:18:380:18:40

-I know, you were in Australia.

-Yes, I've been in Australia.

0:18:400:18:43

-I nearly didn't make it today, either.

-Why?

0:18:430:18:45

Had a really nasty accident this morning at home.

0:18:450:18:47

I was cleaning out the budgie cage and the door slammed on me.

0:18:470:18:50

LAUGHTER

0:18:500:18:53

I was stuck in there for an hour and a half, Terry. It was awful.

0:18:530:18:55

And I thought, "Ring the bell," you know?

0:18:550:18:58

-I'm sorry, I panic into these jokes.

-What about your solo vehicle?

0:19:010:19:05

-You're pleased, you must be, with the success of "Sorry!".

-"Sorry!"?

0:19:050:19:08

Oh, yes, yes, I enjoy doing that.

0:19:080:19:10

-Do you identify with poor old put-upon Timothy Lumsden?

-With Tim?

0:19:100:19:14

Not truly but I can see, I've been told, a lot of people come up to me

0:19:140:19:18

and say, a lot of people write in saying, "You may think this is over

0:19:180:19:22

"the top but, I mean, I know somebody who lives like this.

0:19:220:19:24

"I know, a mother and son."

0:19:240:19:26

And if it isn't true throughout,

0:19:260:19:28

there are elements of it that people see and think, "God, that's me."

0:19:280:19:32

I even see myself as a father saying, "Oh, my God." You know,

0:19:320:19:34

as a parent behaving like that.

0:19:340:19:36

There's no elements of Timothy Lumsden in you, do you think?

0:19:360:19:39

I don't...

0:19:390:19:40

No, I don't mean that as a slur on your mother or anything.

0:19:400:19:43

I don't talk to my mother much about the show.

0:19:430:19:45

-She pretends she doesn't see it.

-Does she?

0:19:450:19:47

She says, "Oh...Ronnie."

0:19:470:19:51

Yeah, but Timothy seems to be well-adjusted to the,

0:19:510:19:55

at least the problem of his size.

0:19:550:19:57

Would you say that's true of you as well?

0:19:570:19:59

Or was that a terrific struggle for you early on,

0:19:590:20:01

to come to terms with?

0:20:010:20:02

Not a terrific struggle but I suppose I worried about it,

0:20:020:20:05

like you do, as a teenager.

0:20:050:20:06

But everybody worries about something

0:20:060:20:08

whether it would be spots, or overweight.

0:20:080:20:11

So I worried a bit about it

0:20:110:20:13

but in the end it's been my, kind of, whole...

0:20:130:20:16

I mean, it started my wanting to be in the business

0:20:160:20:19

and the whole making of me as me, is that, now.

0:20:190:20:22

Without it, I... I dread to think what would happen,

0:20:220:20:25

if, you know, if there was something they could do,

0:20:250:20:27

to suddenly make me shoot up, you know, I wouldn't...

0:20:270:20:30

You could take Ronnie Barker's part and he could be the small one.

0:20:300:20:33

-I'd shoot out.

-If you get fat.

-Timmy! Timmy!

0:20:330:20:35

-If you get any...you get...

-Oh, my God.

0:20:350:20:38

What are you doing here?

0:20:430:20:45

-Mother...

-I said if we got separated,

0:20:470:20:49

you were to go straight to the lost children's corner.

0:20:490:20:53

Mother, I am 42.

0:20:530:20:55

What is this place? It looks like the alien lounge at Luton Airport.

0:20:550:21:00

-Excuse me, Mother, I am being interviewed.

-What?

-Have you...?

0:21:010:21:05

I've told you about talking to strange men.

0:21:050:21:08

-LAUGHTER

-Excuse me, this is, this is...

0:21:080:21:11

-I'm sorry, excuse me. This is Terry Wogan.

-How do you do?

0:21:110:21:14

How do you do, Mrs Lumsden?

0:21:140:21:16

Is he wearing a demob suit? LAUGHTER

0:21:160:21:19

I've never met a Wogan before but there must be

0:21:190:21:22

lots of you in the telephone directory.

0:21:220:21:25

Never trust a man with borrowed teeth, Timothy.

0:21:250:21:29

LAUGHTER Oh, well.

0:21:290:21:32

-All good things must come to an end.

-I...

0:21:320:21:35

Now, say thank you to this gentleman, whoever he is.

0:21:350:21:38

-I'm sorry, Terry. I'm sorry...

-But...

0:21:380:21:40

"Thank you for having me."

0:21:400:21:43

Thank you for having me.

0:21:450:21:46

LAUGHTER

0:21:460:21:49

-And don't ever let me catch you talking to him again.

-Oh!

0:21:490:21:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:530:21:56

Come along. Home!

0:21:560:21:58

If people thought Ronnie Corbett was just like Timothy Lumsden,

0:22:110:22:15

with Ronnie Barker it was impossible to say if he was

0:22:150:22:18

more like Fletcher from Porridge or Arkwright from Open All Hours.

0:22:180:22:23

One reason for that was that Barker was a genius with voices,

0:22:230:22:28

which is something he discusses here...

0:22:280:22:30

I was going to ask you about the varicose and various parts...

0:22:320:22:37

which you performed in the course...

0:22:370:22:40

-In the course...

-Course? Have you spell that?

0:22:430:22:45

The course of your television series...

0:22:450:22:47

My God, I'll get this question out if it kills me.

0:22:470:22:49

In the course of your television series...

0:22:490:22:51

HE SNORES

0:22:510:22:55

-Yes? In the course of my television series, what?

-I remember talking...

0:22:550:22:58

-What was the first half of the question?

-I remember talking...

0:22:580:23:01

Why are my questions longer than your answers?

0:23:010:23:04

Beryl Reid telling me that when she starts to take on a character...

0:23:040:23:07

-No, she didn't tell me now.

-I thought she'd come on.

0:23:070:23:10

She said she starts from the shoes. She gets a pair of shoes

0:23:100:23:12

and builds the character from the shoes.

0:23:120:23:14

She's told me that, yes. It's true, yes.

0:23:140:23:16

Cos she hobbles about the house in those little shoes.

0:23:160:23:18

Never mind that. How do you construct a character?

0:23:180:23:20

-Do you take it from the shoes or the other way?

-I start with the voice.

0:23:200:23:24

The voice. I think of the voice first.

0:23:240:23:26

I think, you know, I just like to hear this sound of the voice,

0:23:260:23:29

whatever it is.

0:23:290:23:31

Or, you know, Fletcher. I mean, you know, " Naff off".

0:23:310:23:34

That's my expression. That's Fletcher's expression, "naff off."

0:23:340:23:37

-It's not Princess Anne.

-No, no, no. Naff off, son, go on.

0:23:370:23:40

And I, and then, from the voice comes the face, I think.

0:23:400:23:44

IN WELSH ACCENT: The Welsh one, you know, Welsh, you see.

0:23:440:23:46

Your eyes go like that.

0:23:460:23:48

Oh...

0:23:480:23:50

I think accents come...

0:23:500:23:53

I don't know if it's accents cause the shape of the face or...

0:23:530:23:55

I think it's the shape of the face that causes the accent.

0:23:550:23:58

IN FRENCH ACCENT: I think, because French people,

0:23:580:24:00

hold their faces like this.

0:24:000:24:02

IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: Scottish people. If you all put your face like that,

0:24:020:24:05

and speak normally, you sound quite Scottish, you know?

0:24:050:24:07

Stick your chin out.

0:24:070:24:10

-Are you a funny man at home?

-No, I never go home, no.

0:24:100:24:13

LAUGHTER

0:24:130:24:14

I'm sort of... Sometimes I'm funny. I make my wife laugh.

0:24:200:24:23

But she'd laugh to see a pudding crawl, as they say.

0:24:230:24:25

The essence of a happy marriage - as long as you can make your wife laugh.

0:24:270:24:30

Oh, yes. Well, I made her laugh the first night.

0:24:300:24:33

Oh, yes.

0:24:330:24:37

What about this Corbett person that you work with,

0:24:370:24:39

-how do you know him?

-No, he's a man. He's a man.

-Is he?

-Oh, yes.

0:24:390:24:42

-How do you get on with him?

-Eh?

-How do you get on with them?

0:24:420:24:45

-We start with Lego.

-Let's have the truth.

0:24:450:24:48

Ah...

0:24:480:24:49

Well, I just, I take him out in the morning,

0:24:520:24:55

fit him up and work through the day. Put him back in the box, nice as pie.

0:24:550:25:01

No, we get on very... we have a lovely time.

0:25:010:25:03

Despite their closeness and the obvious affection

0:25:030:25:06

they had for each other,

0:25:060:25:08

it was rare for the Two Ronnies to be interviewed together.

0:25:080:25:11

But here we have one of those moments capturing them

0:25:110:25:14

in 1978, after they'd both received OBEs from the Queen.

0:25:140:25:19

-Can you describe the ceremony?

-Describe the ceremony.

0:25:200:25:23

It was rather moving, wasn't it?

0:25:230:25:25

I thought the bride's father was wonderful. No, it was lovely.

0:25:250:25:27

-Nerve-racking and sort of moving, really.

-Yes, very.

0:25:270:25:30

You got very nervous. We both had to go to the spend-a-penny, didn't we?

0:25:300:25:33

-Yes, I had to use the royal we. Twice.

-Yes, yes.

0:25:330:25:35

What did the Queen say to you?

0:25:350:25:37

She said that she was very pleased that...

0:25:370:25:39

to be able to be doing this for us,

0:25:390:25:41

because she thought it was rather nice to make people laugh

0:25:410:25:44

in these days when perhaps there wasn't quite so much to laugh about.

0:25:440:25:47

She said. I didn't know whether to agree with their about that.

0:25:470:25:49

Then she said, "Are you going to be on the stage again together?"

0:25:490:25:52

And I said, "We have never appeared on the stage before

0:25:520:25:55

"but we are going to, at the Palladium, for the summer."

0:25:550:25:58

-And I had the temerity to ask her to come.

-Yes.

-And she said she would.

0:25:580:26:01

Yes, which was rather nice.

0:26:010:26:03

-We were surprised how few staff there were in the place.

-Yes.

0:26:030:26:05

Because at the end of the ceremony Her Majesty the Queen

0:26:050:26:08

swept down the staircase, didn't she?

0:26:080:26:10

Then she dusted the mantelpiece and did a little hoovering

0:26:100:26:13

and went home.

0:26:130:26:15

Yeah, it was lovely. It was very, very, very impressive.

0:26:150:26:18

Actually, I can't stay very long

0:26:180:26:20

because I've got to be back on a wedding cake at 3 o'clock. So I...

0:26:200:26:22

No, it's not true. Not true. He gets all his clothes from Action Man.

0:26:220:26:26

That moment contains everything wonderful about the Ronnies B and C.

0:26:270:26:32

Even on a hugely significant occasion,

0:26:320:26:35

they just couldn't stop trying to make it funny.

0:26:350:26:38

Just like they never ever missed an opportunity

0:26:380:26:41

to make the British public laugh.

0:26:410:26:43

APPLAUSE

0:26:430:26:45

Well, that's all we have time for this week.

0:26:450:26:48

Next week we'll talk to a man...

0:26:480:26:50

Next week we'll talk to a man who crossed a table tennis ball

0:26:520:26:55

with an extremely tall chamberpot

0:26:550:26:59

and got a ping-pong-piddle-high-po.

0:26:590:27:01

LAUGHTER

0:27:010:27:04

And in the divorce court today, an 85-year-old farmer

0:27:040:27:07

divorced his 17-year-old wife because he couldn't keep his hands off her.

0:27:070:27:10

He's now sacked all his hands and bought a combine harvester.

0:27:100:27:14

LAUGHTER

0:27:140:27:16

That's all we've got time for this evening

0:27:180:27:20

-so good night from me.

-And good night from him.

0:27:200:27:22

-Good night, now.

-Good night. APPLAUSE

0:27:220:27:25

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