North UK's Best Part-Time Band

This programme contains some strong language.

I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian,

and I've had a radio show for ten years.

People send me music all the time,

and some of it is absolutely fantastic.

It's got me wondering just how much undiscovered talent there is

out there.

There are thousands of part-time bands in the UK,

from barristers to bakers, dustmen to doctors,

skiffling, punking, rocking and funking,

every week in pubs and clubs up and down the country,

to escape the nine-to-five grind.

You need an understanding partner and an understanding boss

to make music.

If you haven't got those two things, it's not happening.

Dead in the water.

MUSIC: You Really Got Me by The Kinks

The BBC have hooked me up with this ropey old van, and I'm off on tour.

'I've rounded up three musical juggernauts to help -

'super cool Soul II Soul legend Jazzie B...'

-Bonjourno.

-Jazzie.

-How you doing, fella?

'..the indie Manchester music icon Peter Hook...'

Starting already. We've got the police behind us.

You've brought the heat on us?

'..and the Fresh Prince of Lip-Hair, Ultravox frontman Midge Ure.

Oh, dear.

'But this is no run-of-the-mill talent show...'

There is no prize.

No Christmas number ones, no recording contract,

there is shit all.

# You've really got me now... #

'Like a pack of musical hounds, we're hunting down the working

'men and women who play music for the sheer bloody love of it.

I can channel any of my problems, and release it through my music.

'Each legend will pick their favourite two bands...'

I just felt like an idiot. Stupid, inane grin on my face.

'..who will battle it out at a Grand Final in Manchester...'

Unfortunately, you've got to decide which are your favourites now.

'..where one will be crowned the UK's best part-time band.'

MUSIC: Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

'This week, my ropey old tour bus is taking me on a monumental

'500-mile road munch across the north of England and the Midlands.'

Peter Hook, Peter Hook, Peter Hook.

'Riding shotgun is the bombastic beard of bass, Peter Hook...'

That's Peter Hook.

'..the legendary co-founder of Manchester mirth merchants,

'Joy Division, and New Order.'

How are you doing? Come on in.

I didn't realise you'd be driving.

It's a proper tour, mate.

-There were some real weirdos in that station, there.

-Was there?

-Yeah, I felt perfectly at home.

-Yeah, I was going to say,

for you to say that there's a bunch of weirdos, they must have been...

Oh, you are a sweet talker, aren't you(?)

# Love, love will tear us apart, again. #

'Peter Hook co-wrote some of the most seminal

'tracks of his generation.'

So how long have you been a driver, then?

-I don't want to worry you, but not very long.

-Oh, shit.

-Er, yeah! Oh.

Wayhey, look at you, you clown.

-Not you, Peter.

-I know, mate.

-This guy in the...

-I was hoping.

-..car in front.

-So, Hooky. 1,200 bands have applied.

-Yeah.

We're going to see as many as we can over the next few days, and then,

at the end, you're going to have to choose your favourite five

to go through to the live gig in the Sheffield Leadmill.

I must admit, I'm not looking forward to that.

But I am looking forward to seeing the groups.

The thing you need in a group is belief in what you do.

If you don't have belief in what you're doing,

then you will not succeed.

It's the first rule, and the only rule of how to make it in music,

is to have total belief in yourself, and to never give up.

I really bloody hope these Northern bands do believe in themselves.

The Mardi Mancunian is going to be barging into their homes,

rehearsal rooms and gigs to check them out.

First up, Liverpool,

home to chart-toppers Ken Dodd, John Barnes, and The Beatles.

There's more to Liverpool than the Fab Four.

There must be, cos there's six in this next band.

Roja describe their music as "modern mariachi."

IMITATES MARIACHI GUITAR

-Oi!

-It's hard to imagine they're going to be...

Strumming along to that song.

..six guys in ponchos singing Happy Birthday.

They cite Ennio Morricone.

They talk about Tarantino film scores and things.

I mean, that is a fantastic genre of music.

Ennio Morricone is an absolute genius,

and I can't tell you how many times we've sat there as a band,

New Order, and using him as an influence.

Even Blue Monday.

-Cor.

-So I'm with these boys.

-Unbelievable.

After clocking up the miles, we land in Liverpool to sample

the Latin American mystery of modern mariachi at Roja HQ,

the singer's mum's house.

-Hello, nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Joan, yes.

-Nice to meet you, Joan.

-Why do they rehearse in your bedroom?

They can't afford to do it anywhere else.

-You charge more for the lounge, do you?

-I should do, shouldn't I?

SLOW MARIACHI MUSIC

# The evil stands high

# The evil stands high

# The evil stands high. #

These Scouse gunslingers boast a doctor, a joiner,

two arty types, a forklift trucker, and the sheriff of this posse

is singer-songwriter and primary school teacher, Simon.

BELL RINGS

We will start seeing

if your partner can make that number with the binary cards, OK?

Simon crams his music into every spare moment.

'I used to have a bit of a rule, actually. A playtime rule.

'If I couldn't write a song over playtime...'

Brilliant! What are we trying, girls?

If I couldn't do that in 15 minutes, it would never be a good song.

MUSIC: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Theme, by Ennio Morricone

I was thinking about this loads the other day.

"What possesses somebody of my age to continue being in a band?"

It's definitely not for the money, or the glory, or the late nights,

cos I've got a 19-month-old baby, so late nights are out.

Can we double-check it by doing a column addition? 64, 32 and 4?

Double-check.

It's the most important release I have in my life,

and, without it, I'm not quite sure what I'd do.

And when the working day is done, Simon throws his books in the bin...

..and heads home to see his young family.

-Hello, darling.

-CHUCKLES

Just about making time. It's just about finding those little windows.

Traffic jams, playtimes, nap times, to fit in a bit of music,

but she's the number one priority, so it's...

BABY GURGLES

That's why I want to start a band with her,

cos then I can combine the two things - fatherhood and rocking.

And, keeping it all in the family, once a week, Simon

summons his posse to his mother's bedroom for band practice.

I like to shout at them or give them a good smacking now and again,

and I'm glad to see the back of them when they go.

Never had so many men in my bedroom.

I loved it. Felt very filmic, I thought, it was really like...

I like it.

-Whose mum was that? Who's Joan's...

-Simon's.

-My mum, yeah.

-You're a very lucky boy, Simon.

-She tried to exploit us.

My mother wouldn't have me in the house with a musical instrument.

No, and this is since I was 15, and I'm 40 now, it seems never-ending.

-Really?

-And every year, it just gets that little bit sadder.

-LAUGHTER

-We didn't like to say that.

We don't want to put the mockers on you.

-Hey up, she's back.

-Who, the big one?

Would you like to buy a CD?

-This was my job in the club.

-Was it?

-Selling the CDs.

Thank you very, very much, Joan.

What you've written, I will tell you for a fact, is quite rare.

You know, it's a great sound, and you should make more of it,

-if anything.

-Do you want more gigs? Or bigger gigs?

Or is it, you'd have it exactly as it is?

We went through sort of periods of wanting it to be a career,

or trying to push things forward, but really,

it's - cliched as it might sound - just to see your mates.

It's fun, though, isn't it? - Yeah, absolutely.

I never thought I'd be 40 and still doing this, and certainly not

doing this in the room, with you two sat on me mum's bed.

I never thought I'd be sat on your mum's bed.

-Look at this.

-Oh, I've sat on you there.

-It was always going to happen, Joan.

-It was.

-Destiny. Destiny.

-Yeah.

One day.

That was fantastic.

They were taking all those wonderful influences from

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, the horns, the violin.

It was wonderful, it was melodic, it was uplifting.

He was actually a songwriter that can move people a lot.

I really liked it. I just want to see them live.

I really want to see them live, and see who steps up.

Well, let's keep our fingers crossed.

Next morning, we sneak out while Joan's still sleeping, and

head off to meet the next band on our tour, indie shoegazers The Sums.

MUSIC: Oh, Darling by The Beatles

When frontman Digsy started, Simon Cowell was wearing short trousers.

I know he still is, but you know what I mean.

In the early '90s, his band Smaller were signed to a label.

I wouldn't say that we made it.

We were successful to a point where we were selling enough records,

which allowed us to make more records, and go on tour.

MUSIC: Wasted by Smaller

In 1997, Smaller's dreams of mega-stardom

careered into a hedge, when their indie label hit the skids,

but Digsy's still out there playing.

SIENNA: # I gotta give it to you DIGSY: # Gotta give it to you

BOTH: # You give me problems... #

Digsy starts his backing singers early.

Four-year-old granddaughter Sienna is next in line,

and daughter Jamie is Digsy's biggest fan.

There's a song me dad wrote about me when I was younger,

called Flaky Skin...

# Just cos you've got flaky skin. #

..about me having eczema, and it's a brilliant song.

He'd done this gig one night,

and he shouted me up onstage to sing it with him,

and it was just a lovely thing, to be standing there thinking,

"He wrote this about me when I was a baby."

# Flaky skin. #

MELANCHOLY INDIE ROCK

Now reborn as the Sums,

Flaky - I mean, Jamie - has gone from number one fan to band member.

With her coming into the band now,

it's built sort of another dimension.

Cos it's just always been four lads and, you know, grumpy old men type

of thing, she's sort of put a little bit of spark back into it, like.

# Go now forever

# Go back... #

As well as Digsy and Jamie, this Scouse outfit, or "Scousefit,"

includes a chef, an odd-job man, and a stock controller.

The songs are amazing.

He's got a catalogue of, like, hundreds of songs.

If he left this earth knowing that nothing did ever come of it,

and his songs did never reach anyone...

I get upset when I'm talking about it.

I don't know why, I just do all the time.

I can tell you straight off the bat, you are the loudest band

we've seen. Here you go, Hooky.

-Stool.

-Oh, I get...

-Oh!

-Maybe not.

-I'm not in a band.

I'm not the musical one here, as you can probably...

I liked it. I thought you sounded really good, yeah.

The thing is, you've got to turn down, man.

Yeah. I couldn't very well...

You know, you could hear the song much better if you came down.

We've had that for years.

-And also, it saves your voice.

-Oh, I know.

-Cos you were really pushing your voice then, to be heard.

-Yeah.

You don't need to hide behind the volume, cos his voice is amazing.

Not with music like that.

It's funny, because a lot of your sound then, I thought,

actually reminded me a lot of the old '60s bands.

I like what you do with the vocals.

I think that they've not really integrated you yet.

So, obviously, you're part-time now. Smaller, was that a full-time band?

Yeah, we were signed to Better Records,

through Oasis and stuff, and so...

Noel wrote a song about me dad called Digsy's Dinner.

-It's on the Definitely, Maybe album.

-So you're mates with Noel, are you?

-Yeah.

-How long does that go back?

-About '92, something like that.

-Yeah?

-But you don't like that song?

-No.

-Because?

MUSIC: Digsy's Dinner by Oasis

#..for my lasagne. #

I don't like lasagne. It's a shit song, anyway.

-"It's a shit song."

-Well, it is.

-Have you told him? He knows this?

-He knows it.

-He's not going to find out the hard way, is he?

No, I've told him many a time.

Is there, you know, a goal, an ambition, a dream?

I just think the songs deserve to be heard by everyone. I think

they're that good, and I might be biased by saying that, but...

-So do you think, "Me dad's better than this?"

-Yeah!

See, that's why we have kids.

-That was loud, weren't it?

-Doesn't do you any favours rehearsing.

I was quite interested in what you said about nerves

and hiding behind volume,

cos I know, as a stand-up, there was a period when, through nerves

and lack of confidence, as the audiences got bigger,

I just started going "nyang nyang nyang,"

and ranting for the whole show, no light and shade, no breathing,

and that was lack of confidence.

I mean, it's easy for it to become a bad habit.

When I rehearse, if I can't do the song just talking, like a busker,

-then we don't do it.

-Yeah.

And literally, when you get onstage and you turn it all up,

it sounds absolutely fantastic,

but he was suffering, because he was pushing his vocals too much, because

he couldn't hear. Guitars were too loud, they were really getting you.

And it wasn't doing the song any favours. It was a good song.

The daughter, Jamie, wants it so much for her dad.

-That's lovely, that.

-She wants the world to hear his songs,

-thinks it deserves to hear them.

-That's really nice.

# Moving, just keep moving. #

I can relate to the family part of it,

because I have my son, who now plays with me in the band.

Are you a steadying influence, or are you going, "Go on, my son.

"Go for it. Do what I did. Retrace my steps."

Now that I'm sober, I am a steadying influence.

Oh, my God, if he came in off his rocker, I'd kill him.

-Would you?

-Oh, what?

-What a hypocrite you are.

-It's called being a parent.

-SIREN WAILS

See, here we go, it's starting already.

-We've got the police behind us, is that you?

-That's all right.

You've brought the heat on us!

These northerners love being in bands.

Over 450 of the buggers have applied...

(All work and no play makes Black Kes dull boys.)

..playing everything

from progressive skiffle to folk, indie pop to hip-hop...

..and rock and ruddy roll.

Juggling day jobs as vicars, butchers, bakers,

and Guardian sub-editors.

On the break, you should go...

..up for the notes, cos it'd drive it along a bit more.

With so many bands to see on this epic northern adventure...

..we're going to have to work harder than Barry Manilow's hanky.

Hooky and I are leaving Liverpool, and heading east to South Yorkshire.

So we're going to see a four-piece punk band in Sheffield,

-called Cadavers.

-Unusual name.

What would you expect a punk band to be like now? Today?

Loud, intense, maybe not very songwriting skilled.

-I'd expect it to be about...

-So, similar to what they were then?

Yeah. Same thing about the drive and the...

HE SNARLS

..and hopefully, none of the spitting.

MUSIC: Pretty Vacant by Sex Pistols

It was a punk gig at the Lesser Free Hall, Manchester, that inspired

a young spit-spattered Peter Hook to dedicate his life to music.

The fourth of June, 1976, when the Sex Pistols first played.

There was about 50 people,

and I think 49 of them went on to form Manchester bands.

So it was a hell of an inspiration,

and yet, looking back on it now, it seems quite odd that

I'd never picked up a musical instrument, ever in my life.

I go and see the Sex Pistols, I feed off the energy,

feed off that NEGATIVE energy, and then go out and form a group.

# We're so pretty, I'm so pretty... #

I remember when my mother was mortified

when I took the dog collar off the dog and started wearing it.

-Studded dog collar.

-What did the dog wear after that?

-Nothing.

He just looked at me like I was completely insane.

# ..and we don't care. #

'Tonight...'

I say this is the place.

'..Cadavers are playing a gig at their local.'

-All right, how you doing?

-All right.

ANGRY SINGING

You can probably tell,

these hoodlums' lives have gone seriously off the tracks.

-Morning, Clive.

-Oh, hang on, they're doctors.

How are you feeling?

Junior doctors Jamie

and Cash have been in their punk band for three years.

So we ended up going with IV ceftazidime,

and he's actually getting much better.

At work, they're charming patients with their breezy bedside manner.

-Water works all right?

-Yep.

-That's what I like to hear.

But once a week,

they're trashing out their stress in a sweaty noise spittoon,

with bassist/sound engineer Rob,

and Adam, Yorkshire's premier naked drum teacher.

There's anger in our music, because we are angry at the minute.

Our whole profession's angry, and we're all demoralised, and...

-BLEEPING

-..currently being bleeped.

I think it's important to be part of the competition, because there's

a lot of stigma surrounding punk music,

but punk music's for everyone.

Sometimes the jobs can get a bit stressful as well,

so it's very cathartic and good stress release.

-Hey, man, how you doing?

-Good to meet you.

-How are you...? Oh!

I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

I thought it was amazing energy, I loved the drumming,

I loved the pants. I loved the coming into the crowd.

It felt so together. Did you enjoy it, Hooky?

-Yeah.

-What were you thinking?

-I was just thinking,

"Youth. What a wonderful, wonderful thing it is."

So you were doing this kind of music before being doctors?

It's not just being doctors that's caused that?

There's just always been a part of...

If I'm not in a band, then I don't really know what I'm doing.

One of my favourite parts about playing a show is getting

-the crowd involved.

-Yeah.

And looking at their faces. Some of the looks of terror.

"What the hell is this?" You know?

My best one was when I got really carried away,

picked me guitar up, and nutted it.

And went like that, "Oh."

Fucking knocked meself out.

I mean, it was a perfect embodiment of the exuberance of youth.

It really was, and it was a fantastic performance.

It's just, you've got to have the songs to back it up.

But can you be specific about what the songs were lacking,

or why they were...?

I suppose you'd have to say they were lacking staying power.

I think they could write much better songs, and they probably will.

-They're only in their early 20s.

-Exactly, that's what I mean.

It's a wonderful place to be.

-They look great.

-So have they got it?

-Definitely.

If they waste it, then it's a crime.

MUSIC: Age Of Consent by New Order

With all this youthful testosterone in the air,

Hooky's clearly feeling nostalgic

and, in the early days of Joy Division, the Mardi Mancunian

developed his own unique way of handling his instrument.

You've got this famously well-documented high-playing style.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I always wanted to be the one that came up with the riff,

you know, that it would impress Ian.

That Ian would want to sing over.

Barney's had a really good guitar amp,

and it was really loud, and I had a really shit bass amp.

And it was very quiet.

-When you played low, it was just...

-MAKES LOW DRONING NOISE

..you couldn't hear any pitch. Any definition.

And every time I played high, Ian Curtis would go,

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

"OK, that sounds great when you do that. Do it again."

-You wanted to be the lead guitarist.

-Yes.

-Right.

But I mean, I did, I became the lead guitarist, but on the bass.

MUSIC: Pressure Drop by Toots And The Maytals

The Love Bus is tearing down the M1 to Wolverhampton.

We're back to families again.

This time, the male ska equivalent of the Nolans -

a band of brothers known as The Equators.

The Midlands is the home of ska, isn't it?

What will you be hoping for from a ska band?

They like to make a racket.

Even if you look at a band like The Specials.

They use a lot of brass, which is a very immediate sound,

and it does always seem to steal an audience's heart.

-Something about that rhythm, that...

-IMITATES BOUNCY SKA RHYTHM.

.. and the energy that they have,

Madness, you know, that make them very difficult to follow.

# You ain't got nothing on me

# And I'm always saying... #

The Equators are fronted by the Bailey boys, Donald, Leo,

and Rocky, who in 2010 reformed their childhood band,

having not performed together for over 30 years.

# You gotta let me go, oh, yeah. #

MUSIC: Baby Come Back by The Equators

Since the 1980s, the brothers have worked in factories,

welding and pressing metal bits of car stuff to go in cars.

As teenagers, they had a record deal with Stiff Records

and, with a job lot on tracksuits,

they toured the world, trying to make it in the music business.

I've written many songs on this machine. I'm on it a lot.

I've come up with a chorus and a line,

and, by the time I go home, I've got a complete song.

But, despite working with Desmond Dekker and Eddy Grant,

homesickness and fallouts with management meant the band folded,

and their dreams got a bit squashed.

# Hey Mr Copper, please Mr Copper

# Leave the children alone... #

But ska is notoriously infectious, and now grandads,

the brothers wanted to scratch the itchy itch of music once more,

and reform the band.

Yeah! How you all doing out there? Let me see you!

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-I'll squeeze in here.

-Nah, that's us.

Go down, go down, go on. Come on.

Come on, Hooky. You're supposed to be rock and roll, and you won't even

-perch on the end of a sofa.

-You're a mate(!)

-I enjoyed that.

-You're certainly tight. Jesus.

-Yeah, no, it's good.

-So you started in the late '70s,

went on for about four or five years or something...

-Yeah.

-..and then gave up until 2010. So why did you stop?

-A catalogue of events.

-Yeah.

-Bad management, and, you know...

At the time, we was really young,

and we loved music so much we was interested about playing,

not really looking at the business side of it,

and sometimes you take things for granted...

Familiar story.

-Well, we do it because we love doing what we do.

-It's true, though.

I was telling him that when we were Joy Division,

we'd have to do the kitty run.

"Right, have you got your three quid?"

-Everyone put their three quid in, and we could go to the gig.

-Yeah.

-You'd get to the gig, you'd just get bottled off.

-Yeah!

"Why do we do this? Right, back,"

and then, next week, you're doing it again.

It's very addictive.

HUMMING SKA TUNE

They played so well, and it sounded great.

I was going to say, where does technical ability come into it?

Where does their relationship with...?

Well, if you're hearing great music, I never think about

technical ability, it's just great music, played well.

But no, it was good, really good.

Really infectious, and it's a type of music that I absolutely adore.

MUSIC: You Really Got Me by The Kinks

Our tarmac-munching Midlands road trip continues at pace.

I can relax now, I'll be asleep. Wake me up if you get into trouble.

Yeah, you have a little nap.

'This has been Hooky's most hedonistic tour to date.'

# You've really got me now... #

'He's stayed up till gone midnight twice,

'and thrown a Radio Times out the hotel window.'

There's a rainbow. Ee, that's nice.

'Today, he's been mainlining herbal tea.'

Here we go!

Hooky will need to maintain his Zen-like calm.

SLOW SKA MUSIC

With over 150 bands applying from across the Midlands,

our week is as full as Brian May's plughole.

Somebody's been ill, is that right?

Yeah, I had kidney disease. My lovely sisters are here.

Donated one of her kidneys.

It's a real shame this isn't that kind of show,

where that kind of story would get you into a semifinal.

Thank God it's Hooky making the decisions.

The choices ahead of him are more difficult than Grace Jones.

At the end of our road trip,

Hooky will pick his favourite five to play at a gig in Sheffield,

where they'll battle it out for a place in the Grand Final.

How are you going to choose, Hooky? Have you thought about that?

Pfft. I suppose it'll be emotional.

You know, you look for a connection with the music, with the people.

That's what makes the decision harder.

I was going to say, that must make it very hard.

400 miles munched, and we're heading east to see another act.

And what is going on with this families in bands thing?

-Brothers again.

-I know, you know what?

-It's hard to say now, because...

-A lot of family things in this show.

Yeah. It's something that you need to mention,

cos a lot of brothers seem to form bands,

and yet, you know, the highliest publicised fallouts,

-like The Kinks, Dire Straits...

-Oasis.

..are always between brothers, yeah, you know.

We're going to see Kissmet in Peterborough, who are a sort

of acid rock bhangra fusion, or acid bhangra rock fusion, east and west.

That sounds like quite a cocktail for Peterborough.

-"Quite a cocktail."

-Yeah. Although it has got a great name.

-Kissmet.

-Peterborough.

-Oh, Peterborough.

Well, hey, listen, I'm open-minded.

The rhythms of bhangra are very interesting.

It's that type of music that, as soon as you hear it,

it gets everybody going.

In the late '90s, brothers Ron, Buzz, and Max Singh

formed a band, combining their bhangra

heritage with the music they listened to growing up.

The street that we grew up in, we'd be hearing reggae music there,

Qawwali track coming out of that house,

some bhangra over there, traditional Italian music over there,

and we didn't realise that that was weird.

We were listening to Genesis and Police and Stranglers

and everything.

Kissmet's multicultural melting pot has produced this delicious

fusion recipe, with hints of property developer, teacher,

and call centre worker.

What we've tried to do is take that energy and that passion and

that urgency that bhangra's got, and bring it to the Western audience.

That thing really, really injects life into something, doesn't it?

-Wow.

-That's the dhol, this big bhangra drum. It's made in Punjab.

It's actually made of wood, it's got a big bass end and a nice treble.

-So you formed the band? It's Kissmet.

-Kissmet, yes.

It's an interesting combination, cos to me

it sounds quite prog rock-y, which I quite like.

It sounds really nice, I must admit.

I didn't expect it, but it does sound great.

So how did you...

-Were you a conventional rock guitarist before you...?

-Yeah, yeah.

It was a bit of a weird audition.

I mean, I didn't really know much about the music.

I'm like, "Oh, it's bhangra. I don't know how rock guitar

"fits into that." But it works really well.

Get a bit of lead going. If you'd have heard a bit of lead in there...

-We're so lucky.

-It's a nice counterpoint.

And you're bang on with that. And he's brilliant at leads.

I might get a career at this, then, mightn't I? Cool, well done, boys.

And don't forget, it was me

that told Kula Shaker they'd never fucking get anywhere.

-Did that mix work for you? The fusion...

-Yeah, it was great.

-That real rock sort of...

-I like prog rock.

Although maybe you shouldn't admit it, being a punk and all that.

-(I quite like prog rock as well.)

-Yeah, I do, yeah.

Let's keep it to ourselves. Not a word.

That aspect of it, with the bhangra, was great.

Some bands are a producer's dream, and they've got

loads of elements that you can work with and you can bring out.

I definitely think you could make them a success,

without a shadow of a doubt.

A quick 13-point turn, and we're heading back up north to

Newcastle for the last leg of our trip.

Off-air, Hooky privately admits that this has been the best

trip of his entire life.

Being on the road has got him reminiscing about the early

years of Joy Division when, for him, music was still part-time.

What was it like touring back in the day, then?

-Well, I used to drive the van, so it was OK.

-Did you drive it?

Yeah, yeah, I used to drive the van.

And you had to go to work the next day, so yeah, it was hard.

You were always prepared for that thing about, when you got home,

you literally changed and went to work.

You're not there to enjoy yourself.

You're there to get your nose down,

and I don't mean that in the funny sense.

That's exactly what you meant!

Do you ever find, when you're touring,

that you don't see the sights?

You actually miss quite a lot, cos you've just got your head down,

you've got your head in your tour?

Yeah. I mean, sometimes, I've been to the most beautiful

-places in the world...

-Things can be...

..and missed something that could be almost staring you in the face.

Yeah.

So our next band, Peter, is called The Caffreys.

-Started in about 1959, I think.

-Wow.

-Brothers...

-Good God.

..doing a kind of west coast sort of Americana-y...

-Oh, it's amazing.

-..close harmony stuff, I think.

I'm up for it, bit of close harmonies.

There's nothing better, is there?

When it's done well, in a band like the Eagles, my God.

They actually did some fantastic songs.

And there's no substitute, in most groups, for experience.

I know this scrapbook should be here somewhere.

-You keep everything now, don't you?

-Oh, I know, definitely.

-You take that down, Pete, please.

-OK.

This family thing is getting ridiculous.

Brothers Pete and Phil Caffrey have been playing music together

since they were kids.

We didn't have much money,

but from a very early age, we used to just sing.

-Look at this.

-Some of this...

In the mid-'70s, Phil

and Pete were in a flowery musical flare-fest, called Arbre.

People likened us to the Geordie Beach Boys, the Geordie Bee Gees.

To be honest, punk came along, and that was our demise, in a way.

Punk may have spat on their parade, but they picked themselves up

and dried themselves off.

-Look a bit like Lemmy!

-You do. Oh, look at me, there! Ee, happy days.

# If your body's had enough... #

Pete took up painting and decorating...

# And you're feeling, oh, pretty rough... #

..whilst Phil became a music teacher...

That is fantastic.

..stopping only briefly to provide backing vocals

for reptilian-footed local hero, Jimmy Nail.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Hiya.

-Looks like a kitchen, this.

-Oh, yes, very cosy.

-Is this for us, is it?

-They're your seats.

-One, two...

# I used to live next door to the angel Gabriel

# Shared a flat with Elvis Presley

# I wandered round with Cleopatra

# My imagination runs away with me

# Well, I'm up on a hill

# I can see all around and I know I love you still

# Even though you've been treating me bad

# I believe in what I'm telling you

# I gotta do what I gotta do

# Cos time's running out for me

# I've driven many miles on the road

# I checked my identity

# I used to live next door to the angel Gabriel

# Shared a flat with Elvis Presley

# I wandered round with Cleopatra

# My imagination runs away with me

# I used to live next door. #

I've been tapping my feet along, and it's so subtle,

and everything's so carefully arranged, I thought,

"Christ, I'm actually part of the band! I'm doing it."

Nice, isn't it?

You do sound very, very accomplished, I must admit.

-Oh, thanks.

-Thanks.

Each of you just plays exactly the right thing at the right moment.

It's funny, because we've seen a few bands

and, when something's lacking, even to someone as untutored

as Rhod, Rhod can tell when they're not tight, can't you?

-And when there's something wrong.

-I'm learning.

-Someone as uneducated as yourself.

-Yeah, all right!

Do you find it frustrating? Are you getting enough gigs to satisfy you?

-No, we're not getting enough gigs.

-So you're a bit frustrated with

-being part-time?

-A little bit, yeah. There's a desire to want to do it,

otherwise we wouldn't be making music now.

It's that desire, that's what it's about.

-Do you all feel like that, or is it something...?

-Yes.

-Yes.

It's a three-part harmony.

It's such a rare and beautiful thing to be done so well.

I think people should be hearing it.

Yeah, it stops you dead in your tracks, doesn't it?

-Hooky?

-Mmm?

-That was beautiful.

-It was very impressive, wasn't it?

-That was beautiful.

You wouldn't have expected it in a place like that,

which made it all the better.

It was like being in the womb, but they were on the cusp of being

touted around as the British Eagles, and then punk came along,

-and ruined everything, you lot.

-What, me? I feel really bad.

Maybe now I can pull them, like a phoenix rising from the ashes...

-You owe it to them!

-I can right that wrong.

So, after six days and 500 miles,

our epic road trip in the Love Bus is over.

So, Hooky, how was it for you?

I was a little bit worried, you know, about doing it, really.

I didn't know what it was going to be like,

going into these places that I used to haunt,

these old rehearsal rooms, going in people's kitchens,

going in people's bedrooms, listening to bands,

-but I have been pleasantly surprised.

-I've never done that.

It's great to see that people...

Big dose of reality.

They go to work, they look after their families,

they look after themselves,

and then they come and do the music with such passion, for nothing.

It really is just about the very thrill of getting onstage

and playing.

The very thrill of being together in a group, the camaraderie,

and it's a thing that I take for granted.

There's a lot to make you think how lucky you are.

It does give you an appreciation and, when I get back, I'm going

to give The Light the biggest hug.

-Are you?

-Yeah.

-Your band?

-Yeah.

-I'm going to go, "Thanks, lads."

-Aww.

-Yeah.

Bloody hell, Hooky's having a breakdown.

Luckily, he's already invited his favourite

five bands from our northern odyssey to The Leadmill, Sheffield,

which has played host to some of the biggest bands in the world,

from Pulp, Stone Roses and the Arctic Monkeys,

as well as some band called New Order?

-Excited?

-Yeah, I am, actually.

Who have you invited to the gig, from the people we saw?

-I've invited the five best bands.

-Who have you gone for?

-Got Roja, who was the movie soundtrack sound.

-Roja.

-Roja.

-Roja.

All you can remember is being on his mum's bed.

Sums, from Liverpool again. Two Liverpool bands...

-Sums, Liverpool indie.

-Yeah, they've quite a history in Liverpool.

-Kissmet.

-Peterborough bhangra rock fusion.

I thought it was two interesting types of music to put together,

and I really do hope they pull it off.

-Caffreys.

-Up in... Near Newcastle.

-Yeah, played in the kitchen.

Acoustic, beautiful.

-Cadavers.

-Young...

-Sheffield punks.

-Sheffield punks, yeah.

-Doctors.

-That was just quite interesting.

Brilliant. That is a great, awesome, awesome...

-What a gig this is going to be!

-It'd make a great mixtape, I have to say.

Once he's seen how the five bands perform in front of the capacity

crowd, Hooky must choose which two go through to the Grand Final.

For many of the bands, it'll be the biggest show of their lives,

and a whole other level from the local pubs, kitchens,

and mummy's bedrooms we saw them in.

'The sound check gives Hooky the chance to see just who might

'rise to the occasion.' They have stepped it up.

-Yeah, they have, they sound a lot smoother.

-So far. So far.

His voice is amazing. I don't remember his voice being amazing.

Her voice is amazing. I don't remember her voice being amazing.

That was a bad day. She hardly sang in it.

How does it feel to be out of your mum's bedroom, and here?

We thought about putting a bed in the corner,

just to make you feel at home.

You should have done, it would have felt more like home, yeah.

-So you feeling good? Happy? Positive? Confident?

-Yep.

-Good luck.

-We're really pleased we're part of it.

-Don't peak too early.

-Thanks for having wor.

-You're all right, man, it's a pleasure.

-Good luck. Have a good one.

-Cheers, thanks.

-Thank you.

-You have got your work cut out, my boy.

-I do, aye-aye.

Thank God it's nothing to do with me.

I don't know whether the gig might bring them down,

they might get too excited, too nervous.

You don't know, do you? Could trip.

I don't know. It's going to be interesting.

Even though they're part-time bands,

all of them have got full-time passion.

They do want to sound great, and they do want to be great.

That's a nice sound bite. Did you get that on camera?

"They might be part-time bands, but they've all got full-time passion."

-How long did it take you to think of that?

-About an hour and a half.

Sound check over, it's showtime.

Fans and family have rocked, bhangra-d,

or mariachi-d up from all over the north and Midlands in support.

I'm here to watch my son with his band, and I'm wishing them all well.

The type of music they play, I think

I really have to be honest with you, it isn't exactly the sort

of thing that I would choose to listen to, but I'm thrilled to bits.

Not only for them, but, yeah, I'm excited myself.

-We've come to see The Sums.

-They're the best amateur band in Britain.

Yeah!

I'm going to the bar.

Hello!

APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the UK's Best Part-Time Bands!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

This is Peter Hook, ladies and gentlemen, the legend.

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Thank you.

Hooky's been with me on the Northern bit.

-We had a good time.

-Yeah, we had a great time, actually.

Really enjoyed it.

It was quite weird not being surrounded by obnoxious musicians.

But obnoxious comedians.

LAUGHTER

Thank you.

You enjoyed that a bit too much, to be honest.

I've never seen anyone in the front of the gig, in the mosh pit,

with a glass of Chardonnay before.

-It's Pinot Grigio!

-Oh, it's Pinot Grigio! Even worse.

Even worse. Shame on you. Get out.

We have got, er, well, about 1,200 bands applied for this

when it was first announced.

Five in this Northern region tonight.

And don't forget, there's no prize! Fuck all! So that makes it better.

That makes it better!

The first band, ladies and gentlemen,

all the way from Peterborough... CHEERING

This is, well, acid bhangra, Peter described it as.

-It's a sort of...

-Yo!

-Yo! Why do I get the feeling

you're cheering "acid" more than you are "bhangra", there?

Both!

MUFFLED CONVERSATION

..massive, massive, massive welcome for Kissmet.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Beautiful people of Sheffield, hello!

Make some noise, scream as loud as you can!

SCREAMING

Are you ready?

Here we go!

Jump! Jump! Jump, jump, jump!

# It's getting near dawn

# When lights close their tired eyes

# I'll soon be with you, my love

# Give you my dawn surprise

# I'll be with you, darling, soon

# I'll be with you when my seeds are dried up... #

Here's the chorus!

# I've been waiting so long

# To be where I'm going

# In the sunshine of your love... #

HE HOWLS

# Yeah! #

Thank you, everyone, in the Leadmill!

You've been super fantastic!

Goodnight!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I am buzzing. Buzzing for them.

They went down really well. They did really well, there.

Yeah, man. Yeah, baby, peace to the world!

To do that, to take an audience from cold to that, instantly,

was...takes something special.

That is what you call an adrenaline shot.

It's like a Jagerbomb.

Acid bhangra, eh? Not so bad now!

Seriously, Kissmet were pretty good, weren't they?

CHEERING

Pretty good. When we went to see the next band,

they rehearsed in the lead singer's mum's bedroom.

You don't know his mum, all right?

Where's Jo? There's his mum!

His mum's in, ladies and gentlemen!

There she is!

How was it having Peter Hook sat on your bed watching your son's band?

I had the two of you sitting on my bed!

WHOOPING

And I haven't washed the sheets yet!

Go on, what are you hoping for from Roja tonight?

One of my favourites, I just hope you enjoy.

Seriously, seriously excited.

Sweating before we've even gone on.

It's Roja!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

# So ask me should I now confess?

# How did I end up in this mess?

# Forced into this vicious crime

# But it's always you that's on my mind

# Don't try to run cos everyone's seen the fun we had

# Don't try to explain any of the sordid games I played

# You're way out of your depth There won't be no place to hide

# But should I comply?

# Or go and leave him there to die?

# Or go and leave him there to die?

# Or go and leave him there to die? #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-The pressure was really on after Kissmet.

-It was.

And it's a different kind of music as well.

It's not as beat-y, it's more listening type of music.

That was a bit of a rush, you know? That was...

That's why you do it. That's why you do it, mate.

It was such a good night.

It's something that I'll probably replay in my mind for years to come.

I thought they did well and got a good reaction. Brilliant.

But it is a competition, whether you like it or not.

It is, I know, I know.

-Oh, dear.

-Aaaah!

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up!

Let me hear you go "wey-ey".

-ALL:

-Wey-ey!

I've always wanted to do that.

Next band's from Liverpool.

CHEERING

Probably the only indie band we've got left.

Also a father-and-daughter combination.

CHEERING

I'm anxious that he behaves himself.

These are the types of emotions I've got to play with.

I want a poo! I want a poo!

Dad!

Ladies and gentlemen, massive welcome for the Sums!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello, everyone.

# Dig a hole

# Into your soul

# And I am there

# Until your fall

# Be yourself

# Until you're home

# Take me down

# To your farm

# Whenever love lies

# Whenever love lies

# Whenever-ever-ever-ever-ever Oh, ah

# Whenever you go

# I'll never know

# I'll never know I'll never know

# I'll never know

# I'll never know. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you very much.

-They've come on the most, of the bands we've found.

-No question.

There was a spark in them, but they've really polished it.

Oh, fuck.

Aaah!

The way he works with his daughter is lovely.

It's a real strength.

Yes!

That was amazing. I want to do it again now.

-That's made it even harder for me now.

-Good.

The more difficult for you, the better.

I want it hard for you, Pete. Hard for you.

What are my punk band going to do now?

Ladies and gentlemen, the next band, Sheffield band!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

This is going to be good.

Two of them are doctors. We saw them in a live gig.

It was a little bit smaller than this.

There was about eight of us there.

-And it made you feel very old, I believe.

-Yeah.

-They made you feel dead.

-You couldn't take your eyes off...

Go wild, go crazy for the Cadavers!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

# And I don't want you And I don't need you

# Don't bother to resist or I'll beat you

# It's not your fault that you're always wrong

# The weak ones are there to justify the strong

# Hey, you, what do you see?

# Something beautiful Something free?

# Hey, you! Are you trying to be mean?

# If you live with apes, man It's hard to be clean

# There's no time to discriminate

# Hate every motherfucker That's in your way

# Hate

# Hate

# Hey, hey

# Great

# Great

# Great, great

# The beautiful people The beautiful people

# The beautiful people The beautiful people

# The beautiful people The beautiful people

# The beautiful people The beautiful people

# Hey, you, what do you see?

# Something beautiful Something free?

# Hey, you, are you trying to be mean?

# If you live with apes, man It's hard to be clean. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

They went down good, actually. Quite surprised.

And they didn't give a shit,

and I thought the energy, and musically, they were great.

I think they could be fantastic.

-Really good.

-You can see, all right, it's not everyone's...

We've got Jo, we've got Simon's mum in her 70s in the front.

She was rocking, she was head-banging down the front.

Loved it.

-That's the best crowd we've ever played to.

-That was amazing.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're at the last band of the night!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

They've brought some support from Wallsend near Newcastle.

Some of these guys are family members, brothers.

They've been performing for over 50 years.

Since Hooky was in his early 30s.

LAUGHTER

The feeling at the minute is one of excitement.

Can't wait to get on.

Ladies and gentlemen, all the love you've got left for the Caffreys!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

# You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

# When I met you

# I picked you out, shook you up and turned you around

# Turned you into someone new

# Now five years later on You've got the world at your feet

# Success has been so easy for you

# Don't forget it's me who put you where you are now

# I can put you back down too

# Don't, don't you want me?

# You know I can't believe you when you say that you don't need me

# Don't, don't you want me?

# You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't see me

# It's much too late to find

# When you think you've changed your mind

# You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry...

# Don't you want me, baby?

# Whoohoo

# Don't you want me, oh?

# Don't you want me, baby?

# Ooh

# Don't you want me, oh? #

Thank you!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

What am I going to do?!

I dunno, mate.

I would hate to be you. And I don't just mean tonight.

-That was an experience.

-It was.

The crowd! It was so uplifting.

It was brilliant.

-You have two, right?

-Yeah.

I'd definitely go for these two - Sums, Cadavers,

-Caffreys, and...

-That's fucking four!

Oh, for fuck's sake. What would you do?

What would you do?

All five bands have played.

Hooky and I retire backstage to mull over his decision.

I'm kind of heartbroken for three of them.

You're doing it, yeah? I want nothing to do with it.

-Are you bringing all the bands on?

-Yeah.

-How are you going to do it?

They're all going to look you in the eye, one by one.

You rotten bunch of bastards.

-Come on, then.

-I want nothing to do with it.

All right.

Down you go.

-Big breaths.

-After you.

So!

Er...

So, ladies and gentlemen,

Peter alone has deliberated and chosen two of the acts tonight.

Give them all the love in the world. The Caffreys!

The Cadavers!

The Cadavers, ladies and gentlemen.

The Sums!

Roja, Roja!

Kissmet!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Peter, over to you, man.

Er, I must say that this has been one of the most difficult things

that I've ever had to do, and that's absolutely true.

But you know what? I've appreciated your passion, all of you.

And I've appreciated your musicality,

and I've appreciated that, even though you're part-time,

what you do, you do really, really well.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And I have to say that I'm very proud of all of you.

But I have had to pick two.

And the two that I've chosen are...

-CROWD:

-Oooh...!

Don't do that!

The Cadavers and the Caffreys.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

We just want to congratulate the bands that won.

And we wish them all the best in the final!

I've been in bands 20 years and that is the most fun I've ever had.

The feeling at the minute,

it's quite surreal, but it's a great feeling.

Congratulations to the bands that got through.

I don't believe it. I can't actually fathom how...

I'm not even bothered about the result.

Five bands knocked it out of the park tonight.

-Thank you for having us.

-Thank you very much.

I'm happy, I feel satisfied.

I think the new and the old,

and I think that's what life's about.

-It's a balance between new and old.

-Jesus.

Next time...

Are we there yet?

When I hear shit like that...

# I say... #

Whoa!

-They've never played a gig?

-Never.

# Yippee-ay-ay... #

We've never taken ourselves that seriously.

Shut up! With that lyric? Leave it out.

FAST SINGING

Hey. Good tune.