Episode 3 Dead Good Job

Funeral directors bury our loved ones.

One day, they'll do the same for us.

All the family's memories, all the pictures of their wedding days. It's so sad.

Death is a certainty, but there are radical new ways to say the final goodbye.

You don't need a funeral directors.

It was more appropriate to take him in this van than a hearse because that's not who he was.

Sorry you're leaving.

Doing it before you die.

I just thought why should everyone else have a party after I'm no longer here.

I think I should be involved in it.

Dying alone and penniless.

To see a funeral with no-one is unusual. And it does make me feel sad.

They are called Lawares which is someone that doesn't have anyone.

And who needs an undertaker when you can do it yourself?

This is our funeral.

Our send-off for him with us doing as much as we possibly can.

The funeral is having a 21st century makeover.

Some of us are moving away from the sombre traditional ceremony

towards a more upbeat individual send-off.

In Newcastle, a funeral director wants to breathe new life into the business of death.

This is just a good way of relaxing.

Ay yeah, it winds you down, doesn't it?

There is a pool table upstairs as well.

Carl Marlow is not your average undertaker.

It's a barrel. We've got them in the shape of the Angel of the North

where it just looks like the body but without the wings.

He's upset traditionalists in the trade with his outspoken views.

The whole thing was bullshit. People should have and do what they want.

That's why this business is called Go As You Please.

It says exactly what it means. I want people to go how they want to go.

Most funeral directors, and I'm not being cheeky about any individual but they are all the same.

They even have an uniform.

They've got stripy pants, a hat gloves they don't wear and a stick.

He set up in business after his mother died.

He still has bad memories of her funeral.

I thought the funeral was rubbish. Nothing went wrong.

Afterwards, I felt guilty because it was the same as everybody else's.

The family know I say this but none of us put any effort in,

none of us put any personal items in and afterwards, that prolonged my grieving process.

I started reading books, looked into it and realised you don't even need a funeral director.

People don't realise you can do anything you want

but they are embarrassed to ask these questions.

In Britain today, the funeral is all about personal choice.

To stay ahead of the game, even traditional undertakers are having to change with the times.

Our motto is anything that's legal. We aren't ambassadors of good taste.

We believe the client, the family are always right.

Nigel Lymn Rose heads up AW Lymn in Nottingham.

Started by his great grandfather in l907,

it's now one of the country's biggest independent funeral companies.

This is a good business.

But make no mistake, we are like any other business,

people often say, it's all right for you, people will always die.

There is always going to be death, but I can only sell, one person, one funeral.

More customers are asking for funerals with a modern twist.

It's a one-off occasion and something that must be done properly.

Nigel's son Matthew is the latest member of the family to join the business.

He's keen to experiment with new ideas.

One of the more unusual hearses that we offer now is a London double decker bus.

We've built this decking system so the coffin can be transported as well

with the family downstairs and the rest of the mourners upstairs or just as a hearse with the coffin.

It has proved popular.

This bus has got an appeal to people who wants something unusual.

They have really almost a party feeling to and from the funeral.

By no means is it sombre and doom and gloom and black suits.

Funerals are progressive and people are now more and more open to suggestions

and it really is a celebration of someone's life.

It looks a bit weird when you come out.

Funeral director Carl Marlow is on a mission.

He wants to help the bereaved do more of the funeral planning themselves.

You don't need to spend hundreds of pounds on flowers from the florists.

It's about not wasting money because when everybody's alive, they will tell you, don't waste money.

I am going to pinch some daffodils, but it's only a rough ground area.

All I'm looking for is colour. Dandelions.

These are classed as weeds. You do get some funny looks!

A lot of people say, "Oh Col, you don't look like a funeral director" and I bloody thank them!

Who wants to look like a funeral director? Not me!

You can do anything you want. You can get a van, buy a coffin off us, go to the mortuary.

The mortuary staff would help place the loved one inside the coffin,

put the coffin in the back of the van, drive to the crematorium, job done.

The Do It Yourself funeral is a radical new idea

but it's catching on because it's intimate and usually cheaper.

In North Lincolnshire, Sue Smail has just lost her husband, Tony.

The quilt.

With the support of her family, she's arranged the funeral herself.

When I'm dead, set me in van.

Sit me in a cardboard box, put me in a van and be done with it.

None of this claptrap as you would say.

They've chosen a rather unusual hearse.

This is the van he loved. Lived in it, he loved it.

It seemed more appropriate to take him in this than in a hearse

because that's not who he was. There was no giving up on the van.

-There was a point where my mum didn't have a car but he still had his van.

-He was proud of it.

There was no point paying a stranger to carry my dad when I could carry him.

Hopefully, I don't brake down and drop him.

From the way my mum and dad have lived from this house,

they never rang for a plasterer and paid him,

never rang up a plumber. He did most of the things himself.

If he'd have to have someone out, he'd be stood next to them, asking them what he was doing.

-Next time, he wouldn't have to get them in.

-That's true.

You know the living room rug, I put that down but it'll come up at the sides, but it doesn't matter anyway.

This is our funeral.

Our send-off for him with us doing as much as we possibly can.

We'll do it our way. We don't have to stick with whatever everybody else wants.

Tony Smale died two weeks after being diagnosed with cancer.

He was 70 years old.

There wasn't anything he couldn't do.

He fixed cars, he built buildings, he renovated, he decorated, he painted, he played the piano.

He sang, he loved his Elvis. He was a very, very talented man

and we are lucky to have had him in our life.

He's probably had his tool box out already in heaven.

But when a loved one dies,

most people still turn to a traditional funeral director for help.

AW Lymn have opened a one-stop shop to help the bereaved

arrange a more personalised send off.

This is the floristry department

and like most things we get involved in, we like to have control of them.

On the coffin itself, it's just a spray

but we saw a rise in lilies following the funeral of Princess Diana.

The coffin is usually the most expensive single item on the bill.

So, the Georgetown is solid bronze or there is the Millennium casket

which is stainless steel and gold fittings.

It is usually referred to as the Rolex.

That is about £10,000.

Or if you really want, there is the solid bronze casket which is gold plated,

called the Promethean.

The same casket that was used by Michael Jackson and that's in the region of £20,000.

What we are trying to do is offer all choices to all people.

It's a bloody box. When you ask most people when they are alive,

they'd say stick me in a cardboard box and put me in the bottom of the garden.

With the money that you save, I'd much rather be grieving on a beach

than paying money from something like this that's going to be burnt.

Nobody comes up to them and says, that's a lovely bit of wood!

People think the more money they spend, the more respectful they're being.

In our society, we don't question it.

Carl Marlow believes cheaper funerals are the future.

His solution, a cut-price flat-pack coffin.

You hear a lot of people asking for a cardboard coffin

but families don't want to have a cardboard coffin

because of the neighbours and it makes them look cheap.

This helps them do it a bit cheaper but it looks expensive.

The body is placed in a cardboard box

and put inside Carl's flat-pack coffin.

Once the crematorium curtains have closed,

Carl and his assistant take their flat-pack coffin away

and the body is cremated in the cardboard box.

And that's that. The beauty of this is we know, the family know

but the rest of the congregation don't know there's a cardboard coffin in here.

It looks an expensive funeral. It doesn't look as if the family have done things cheaply

or being disrespectful because it's a cardboard coffin.

It has cost hundreds rather than thousands of pounds

to give Tony Smail the simple goodbye he wanted.

His body has been brought back to the family home in Lincolnshire

before tomorrow's funeral.

A like big chunky men. He was my best.

The local undertaker helped Sue wash and dress him but the family will take over from here.

-He's bowing in that, isn't he?

-Yes!

He looks bigger.

Seems so much bigger.

Tony belonged to the Church of Latter Day Saints.

The family's planned a religious service followed by a woodland burial.

I think each family needs to work out what's for them and what's for their beliefs and what would work.

This is what works for us.

He looks smart. I always promised I would fetch him home.

I wanted to keep my promise

and I wanted to do him some flowers that were personal to us

because it's our tribute for my husband

and I wanted to show my love to him.

It's a sad time for me but we want to celebrate my husband's life because he was a good man.

He was a great man.

It was only three weeks ago he was outside putting a window in the house and now we're burying him.

At least he wasn't in any pain and went quickly with his dignity

because he was a very proud man.

I'll probably cry my eyes out saying my goodbyes

but he'd want me to get on with my life, he was...I don't know.

Not good, I suppose.

Tomorrow is my last farewell, my last day with my man.

But I've got my family, I've got my beliefs

and I'm lucky to have what I had, 19 years of a wonderful husband,

father who was a man mountain.

Tony Smail passed away surrounded by those he loved.

But this year in Britain, over 20,000 people will die alone

with no-one to arrange the funeral and no money left to pay for it.

AW Lymn, can I help you?

Despite their Rolls-Royce image,

AW Lymn carry out funerals like this every week.

Once known as a pauper's burial, now called a public health funeral.

Jackie Lymn Rose has just collected a man's body from the local hospital.

He was only 62 when he died.

It's sad because for someone in their 60s to be alone,

is really, really something quite difficult to imagine.

It's sad. None of us would like to be in that situation.

But maybe he lived his life happily without any other human contact.

When someone dies alone, the local council will pay for the funeral.

But first, a search is carried out for lost relatives.

Paula Richardson is part of a specialist team at Nottingham Council.

We get people that have decided to drop out of society

and they maybe alcohol or drug dependent.

We do unfortunately get gentlemen that their wives have deceased and they haven't had children

they tend to live on their own and don't have friends.

Then we get people, who have lead an average life and the family haven't got the money.

They may live month to month by their salary and can't afford a funeral.

Basically, it's anybody and everyone.

An advert appealing for information about Anthony has been placed in the local paper.

Dave Stretton, another member of the team is searching Anthony's house for clues.

Quite often it can be a Christmas card list, an address book,

a diary with people's names and contact details.

But we don't always come across that type of information.

Sometimes, there's still no information at all.

Very basic in the house. There was no carpets, it was bare floorboards.

Poor state of repair to be fair.

Very little in the property in terms of furniture.

From what I can understand, the gentleman had a number of cats.

There was the mess from the cats in the property.

We do come across some information but on this occasion, there's nothing to go on at this stage.

In East London, another funeral company is dealing with a similar case.

An 80-year-old Muslim man has died alone

and no relatives have come forward to bury him.

His body has been taken to Haji Taslim,

a Muslim funeral business run by Gulam Taslim and his daughter, Moona.

Oh!

This time there's no need for the council to pay for the funeral.

They are called Lawarez which is someone that doesn't have anyone.

It's a great honour and privilege to bury them and we as a community should bear the cost and organise it.

Muslims want to be buried as quickly as possible after death

so the soul can make a fast journey to eternal peace.

The body of the Lawarez is now being washed and shrouded in preparation for burial.

Even though the council would have paid for a Muslim funeral,

someone who knew the deceased has stepped in to help.

Since I spoke to you on Friday, things have changed.

Have you found some family members?

There are these angels. He went and register the death and bring the papers to us

and went, please can you bury him and I'll see what I can do.

-Among the community, he is known as Aziz.

-Abdul Aziz.

-Uncle Aziz.

He was known as Uncle Aziz. OK. Aziz.

He called him Uncle Aziz

and he worked for his father many, many years ago in his restaurant.

Other than that, he doesn't know the address he lived at for us to write on our paper work.

If something was to happen to me,

again, straight away, I would want to be buried Islamically.

I see it as that should be my duty as well.

He had the heart attack while he was with us.

He spent part of his life with us and it was my duty. I see it as my duty.

Mosruz and his friends have gone to the mosque to try and raise funds for the funeral.

They're also trying to find out if anyone knows anything about Aziz's lost family.

Most of these people knew who he was.

But nobody knows if he had relatives, who they were.

It's the same story.

He was Kenyan so you have to get in touch with the Kenyan community.

There are a lot of Muslim Kenyans. You have to get in touch with them.

Customers come to Carl Marlow for a funeral with a difference.

Some of them start planning the big day before they die.

He's just made an unusual coffin for someone who wants a light-hearted send off.

There's a lady called Linda who's terminally ill.

She got in touch with me wanting me to help make a coffin for her.

She came up with a vodka bottle.

That is the whole point of what we do and we try and do whatever anybody asks.

It's a tragic time so it doesn't have to be miserable.

It's trying to make it more upbeat.

Just because I love vodka, that's the only reason why.

You can have post boxes, anything you want on a coffin.

I think, it's my party and I'll do what I want to.

That's basically it.

Linda Timberlake is 56 and suffers from an incurable lung disorder.

With Carl's help, she's putting together detailed plans for her own funeral.

This is my little box with all my instructions when the inevitable happens

and these are my letters that I've written to my family.

To my daughter, my son and my partner.

I'm happy that in this box is everything that I've requested

and that Carl's agreed to do for me.

I don't want tears, I want people to remember me as a fun person.

Someone who liked a joke and a laugh and was bubbly.

I want them to remember me that way.

-What do you think?

-It's nice. It's just not me.

Today, Carl's taking Linda on a tour around Tyneside crematoriums.

I don't think it's got much character to it.

Linda doesn't want a religious funeral

but she still wants the venue to have a spiritual feel.

I like the stained glass windows but they don't say a story.

-You don't have to come here.

-No, I don't have to.

It's important for you to see what this place is because it'll be your funeral.

It's nice to see how it would be laid out like they've put thought into it.

-I feel as if the coffin is hid away.

-Yes, it is out of the way.

It's your funeral. It's all about yourself. It's the most selfish act you can do.

-It's not as if they can say anything to you. I just try and say da-ra.

-No.

You are not being offensive, you are doing what you want to do.

If you're OK and up to it, we can pop to the car...

The next crematorium is at Whitley Bay,

Carl thinks its picturesque location will make it the perfect place for Linda's funeral.

-This is gorgeous.

-This is probably the oldest. It's a listed building but it's not actually.

-You can throw a party in here.

-Really?

-You can do anything you want in any crematorium.

-Can I have my wake here as well?

-You'd have to have it in 15 minutes!

It's classed as a chapel but as long as it is left in the same condition

as what it was when we came in.

I've served wine and cheese in here at funerals.

It's got such an olde-worlde feel about it. I love the ceiling.

You'd be surprised, very few people come in and look at these places beforehand.

They presume you have to go to the one closest to where they live.

It's important to find somewhere special.

I'm changing my mind that this is the one I want. It's just so quaint and lovely and olde-worlde.

It's got meaning to it. It's not a soulless building. I like it.

-No, good.

-The ceiling is beautiful, isn't it?

I wanted to be able to do it for myself.

Have something to do, keep my mind occupied

and get where I wanted, really.

It's control.

I have no control over this disease but I have control over my ending.

Carl plans to expand his business to help more people plan an individual funeral

so they won't make the mistakes he did when he buried his mother.

For my mother's funeral, it was the same as anybody else's. I didn't recognise anything about my mum.

I didn't understand anything about death or funerals

or funeral directors or what their roles are or what the rules are.

But I do know now is, and this is where I get angry at times, there were no rules.

I wasn't misinformed, I just didn't know.

If I had known then what I know now,

my mother's funeral would have been 100% different.

It would have been done with a lot more love.

It cost a fortune, well, it shouldn't have to.

There's good news in East London.

Mosruz and his friends have raised enough money in donations to pay for Aziz's funeral.

The burial can go ahead.

Was he like a real character because to find so many people that would donate, is lovely.

Previously, he was employed by our father,

we have been in touch with him for the last 30 years.

Since Dad passed away, he has been in touch with us.

He has kept an eye on us, that's how we know him.

Friday, you came in and said there's no-one

and then over the weekend, you've managed to raise funds and do it all.

All of you, so many blessings may be bestowed on you.

-It's much cheaper in the cemetery.

-Over £3,000 has been raised to pay for the funeral.

The money left over will be given to a special fund at the mosque

that will pay for the burial of other Muslims who die alone.

He was a wonderful guy. He was jolly, always happy.

Whatever issues he had, he never showed any signs of stress.

He was funny and such a wonderful person to have around.

Everything's in place and soon Aziz's body will finally be laid to rest.

There's a Muslim somewhere that doesn't have anyone

but he is definitely going to be buried with some dignity

and in the way he should be buried, which is lovely.

I'm proud to be Muslim today. I'm always proud to be Muslim

but it's lovely to hear that these people have done this. They didn't need to.

The council would have organised it. He would have got buried eventually.

It was important enough for them to make sure he got buried as a Muslim and as soon as possible.

No-one's come forward about Anthony, the man who died alone in Nottingham,

so Lymns are going ahead with his funeral.

The council will pay for it and he'll be treated

with the same dignity and respect as any other client.

We have chosen to dress Anthony in blue

and the blue gown, shroud, robe or whatever you wish to call it,

has actually the appearance of a dressing gown.

It will be laid over him neatly

and the chord will be tied so it can look as if he has got a dressing gown on

that has a chord tied at the waist.

The sleeves will be placed on too.

The final preparations are now underway.

Anthony' coffin will be placed in the chapel of rest

and his funeral will take place in the morning.

I suppose none of us would like to die on our own.

But that said, we knew nothing about his lifestyle.

He chose to live alone and he probably happy to die anytime

surrounded by his cats.

All I can say is that we've looked after him to a very best

and tomorrow, he will have a dignified funeral.

Bye bye.

We are in the middle of a funeral revolution.

People are doing it for themselves.

People are planning their own send-off in advance.

So would I be on this side then? Or would I be this side?

Yeah. No, you'd be here.

People are arranging a new kind of funeral,

so they can see goodbye to family and friends before they die.

Blossom Wilson is 50 years old.

She's been told she only has months left to live.

She is organising a living funeral.

I am calling it like a farewell party, yeah.

But really, it's like a pre-wake or a living wake.

Blossom's living funeral will celebrate the end of her life,

but she will be there to enjoy it as well.

I just thought, why should everybody else have a party

after I'm no longer here?

I think that I should be involved in it.

So I just thought, bring the party forward.

Today, Blossom is in Scunthorpe, looking for bits and pieces

to decorate the venue of her special farewell party.

What I'm celebrating is basically life.

I'm retiring on the grounds of ill-health from work

and I am doing a farewell party

because I'm on a time limit.

-Oh, how wonderful.

-Basically, my wake before I've had my parting!

I had another lady that did that.

-Did you?

-Yeah, she had a party.

They are getting very popular. People are doing this

because they want to celebrate their life with all their friends.

-Whereabouts are you having it?

-St Bernadette's.

-Oh, right.

In the club there. That's fine.

I think you're amazing to want to do this.

I don't see why everyone should party after I've gone!

I want the party before.

You're having the wake before and you're going to be part of it.

What a wonderful thing to think about, to be honest.

-Then you know what it will be like and what people say about you.

-Yeah!

Hopefully some of it's good.

That's a girl, and a boy. First birthday. Sweet 16.

'Mentally, I'm sort of detached'

from the fact that I will be passing away.

And I think that to focus on the party is a separate thing

to thinking about dying.

And just to keep the two things separate is to me

the best way of coping with it at the moment.

I don't know where I found the ability to sort of do that,

but, you know, it's the best viable option at the moment.

Can't see anything that says farewell or...

Finding things that hit the right tone is proving to be a challenge.

"Sorry you're leaving".

That might be...

-It's very difficult, isn't it?

-It is, isn't it?

Is that the right sort of...?

That would be more if somebody was moving house or going away,

or abroad or something like that.

It's trying to find something that is appropriate

that when people read it they're not going to be either upset or offended

by the fact that this leaving party is actually me leaving the planet.

Erm...

Yeah.

I want to make each day count, whatever I do,

it's got to be a positive thing.

It's no good sitting in a corner, moping,

grieving for myself or what I might lose or what the family might lose,

because while you're sorrowful, you're missing out on a lot.

And I want to get out there and sort of touch everybody.

-And it's going to be a good do.

-Yes.

Yeah, I like to party!

-Is that the one you're making for grandad?

-Yeah.

-OK, you do that one.

# Did you ever notice when the sun goes down? #

It's the day of Tony Smale's DIY funeral.

-Have you done one yet, Pete?

-Is there one for me to do as well?

There's one for everybody to do.

Children, grandchildren and the rest of the family

are gathered at the house.

The white roses represent eternity and this is mine,

which is a white rose and a red rose, and when we've lowered Tony

into the woodland place, they're going to put roses in and this is

everybody saying what their feelings are and what they want to say.

-Did you like seeing grandad this morning?

-Yeah.

-He looks good doesn't he?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to go and show him and talk to him about that?

-Yeah.

OK then. Go on then. I'm not going to come and lift you up.

You can talk to him quietly.

See you soon.

I want to put the ribbon on the van.

This is really Pete Robinson's. He'd approve.

'My husband used to say, don't waste money, don't get in people

'and things and talents you can do yourself.'

We need his van right now.

'Why get some money else in when you can either learn it yourself

'or have a go and try yourself?'

Do you want to just measure there?

Right, shall we go in then?

And now the journey together.

-This is going how he'd like it though.

-I know.

-He's waiting for you.

-I know.

He was always waiting for me. See you in a bit.

In Nottingham, Anthony, the man who died alone,

is about to have his public-health funeral.

Matthew is carrying out final checks before leaving for the crematorium.

Checking the breastplate's correct and the spelling is correct, the dates and the age is correct.

And this funeral is no different from any other.

The coffin will then be sealed down and I'll brief the staff on exactly what we're going to do.

It's very sad, the first time you think that you're doing a funeral

where there may be no mourners, maybe nobody present, other than our staff

and the representative of the City of Nottingham, but it's important

that everyone is afforded the same dignity and the same respect.

Everybody gets the same service.

OK, as you know, this is an environmental health funeral.

Not expecting there to be many people there,

maybe just someone from the council and ourselves.

Mosruz and his friends have joined

worshippers at East London Mosque for Aziz's funeral.

Aziz died with no known family,

but today his fellow Muslims will give him a full Islamic burial.

Funerals are held here every day during regular prayers.

Allahu Akbar. >

Afterwards, Aziz's coffin is taken to the viewing room.

People who didn't even know him have come to pay their last respects.

It's very nice to think that at a time like this that everybody

can just come together, whatever differences.

I mean, there's also friends that have contributed towards

the funeral, non-Muslim friends.

-Whoever wants to go.

-Yeah.

In Scunthorpe, Blossom Wilson is getting things ready

for her living funeral, which will take place this evening.

You can buy the banner as it is and then you get the letters

and then you have to create your own whatever you want on it,

which I thought was a great idea.

I don't want it to be sad, morbid or anything like that.

People have been unsure as to what a living wake is expected to be like.

But I mean, seeing as how I've never experienced one,

let alone a lot of the guests, so it's just a case of suck it and see,

play it by ear and just hope that we all have a good time.

It is enjoying the life that I have had

and the memories that I am leaving behind for family and friends.

Yeah. It wants to be upbeat, no misery.

Blossom's partner, Mark, is helping with preparations.

It sort of makes you realise that, you know, life is for living

and this is what it's all about, isn't it?

She's having a happy time before anything happens.

This is my guestbook.

Cos I'd like a record of

who's been here, to the party.

And...

also, I can pass it to my sons

so, when my actual wake is,

when I have actually passed away,

then they can utilise the book

to know which friends to contact.

Also, when I do pass,

these people are going to be reunited again, and they'll be going,

"Crikey, wasn't that a fantastic party she put on the other year?

"It was absolutely brilliant and I'm so pleased she did it."

And they can reflect back, themselves,

and bond together again.

So, that's what I'm hoping.

I think I'll wear this one tonight with my dress.

Just need some make-up on.

I don't know what is going to occur tonight, at all.

But hopefully, it's all good.

Tony Smail's wicker coffin has been brought to church

in the white van he loved.

He was a regular worshipper here and the resident pianist.

He liked me to walk four paces behind him.

He lived all his life, "Walk for paces behind me, love.

"Walk for paces behind me."

We won't upset him, then.

-Yeah, I'll give him his dream come true.

-Yeah, that's it.

As a Mormon, Sue believes that one day there will be

a Second Resurrection, and she will see her husband again.

Do you want to start lifting him, boys?

I think, if I didn't have my faith,

I certainly would fall apart.

But my faith hold me and comforts me.

It doesn't stop the pain, but I am comforted,

because I know that he's there.

And...

we can continue,

we can pick up and go on.

So that I know, as I go about my daily life,

there is still a future for me and my husband.

And that is the most important thing.

Tony's having a green burial.

Sue's purchased a plot for him at a special woodland site.

Natural burials are growing trend.

In the last 16 years, over 220 sites have opened up all over Britain.

Remember who has to go first.

-Will he get buried over there?

-Grandad will get buried over there.

# Well, I'm tired and so weary... #

Tony's body hasn't been embalmed,

so no chemicals will go into the earth when he is buried.

# Till the Lord comes and calls

# Calls me away... #

We love nature, and I think the world is so polluted,

and the world is so commercial...

I think go back to nature,

and go back to the beautiful things of the world.

How beautiful to become part of a wood.

# And the lamp is alight

# And the night... #

It says in the Scriptures, "Dust to dust, ashes to ashes,"

so, let's do it nature's way.

That's how Tony and I have been all of our lives.

# There will be peace in the valley for me someday... #

Our Father in Heaven...

Sue's bought the next-door plot so, one day,

she can be buried next to Tony.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

ALL: Amen.

One heart, one soul, one love that will last an eternity,

from beginning to the end.

I long for us to be together, but time has passed,

and death has torn us apart.

See you soon, my darling.

# There will be peace

# In the valley for me

# For me. #

Aziz's body has been brought to Forest Gate Cemetery

for his Muslim burial.

Can you...?

No faces, please.

Please, no faces.

Muslims prefer the body to be taken out of the coffin,

and placed in the grave,

but some cemeteries don't allow shroud burials.

-I don't know.

-Basically...

They've been told that if they want Aziz's body

taken out of the coffin, they'll need to dig a bigger grave.

HE SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE

-The box is going in there, yeah?

-Yes.

Yes, that's all right, but just leave a little bit air for the face.

The mourners decide it's more important

to get Aziz's body into the ground as soon as possible.

It is every Muslim's duty to come together,

when you hear someone has died, to turn up for their funeral prayers,

to turn up to the grave, to carry their body on your shoulder,

and to make sure that you have buried them and then

everything is done as religiously, in as an Islamic way as possible.

The body of Anthony, the man who died alone,

is on its way to the local crematorium.

No-one knows if he was a religious man,

but he will have a religious funeral.

He once ticked a box on a council form

saying he was Church of England,

so a local priest, David Bignall,

will conduct the service.

Well...

It's one of those sad ones

where the guy who's died, aged 62,

doesn't seem to have a family member or a friend in the world.

So, it's up to us.

I think it's important for everyone who comes to the end of their life,

that there should be this right of passage.

I mean, I'm not assuming anything at all about Anthony.

I mean, I don't know whether he was a Christian or not,

or whether he had any faith at all or not,

but it's my responsibility, my duty, to commend him to God

and to say a prayer over him as we bid farewell.

I believe there will be a place for Anthony,

and I just hope and pray that he's found his way to it.

The only thing known for certain about Anthony was his love of cats.

# All things bright and beautiful... #

So, a special hymn has been chosen

to take his coffin into the crematorium.

# All things wise and wonderful

# The Lord God made them all

# Each little flower that opens

# Each little bird that sings

# He made their glowing colours

# He made their tiny wings

# All things wise and wonderful

# The Lord God made them all. #

Well, Anthony, we know very little about you.

Our consolation is that God knows you,

and he has prepared a place for you in Heaven.

There are three people in the congregation.

Matthew,

a representative from the council,

and a member of the crematorium staff.

Did you have brothers and sisters? What were your friends like?

Where did you go to school? When did you go to work?

What were your hobbies and interests? We know nothing of these days.

All we know is that when you came to the end of your life,

you lived on your own in Strelley with your 16 cats,

which suggests to me that you loved animals,

and maybe they were your only friends.

Maybe we might be forgiven for calling you a loner...

..because it would seem that you did prefer your own company,

and to have your pets around you.

Your lifestyle maybe didn't make you the most popular person

amongst your neighbours, and many of them did complain about you,

but I think it's significant that you actually wrote a letter

to the council saying, "I will move anywhere,

"as long as I can live my life in peace and in harmony."

We have entrusted Anthony to God's merciful keeping,

and we now commit his body to be cremated

in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life,

through our Lord Jesus Christ,

who died, was buried, and rose again for us.

To Him be glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

Blossom has arrived at the local church hall

for her own living funeral.

-Hello, darling. You look gorgeous.

-Thank you.

-Just a little card. Read it later.

-OK.

Over 100 people have come together to celebrate her life.

-How are you feeling?

-OK, yeah.

Good. You're wonderful!

20 years down the line, we're going to do this again.

-It a living wake.

-Yeah.

-Live while you can.

-Yeah.

-I don't blame you.

Hello.

This is my grandson, from my eldest son.

We're having lots of photographs taken and things,

so he can remember me.

Aren't we?

Finding the right words for the special guest book

is difficult for many of Blossom's friends.

I've got no idea what I'm going to put.

It's going to take me a while to think about it.

I don't know what's appropriate in the circumstances.

-We've come to support you.

-We're going to come again next year.

-You what?

-We're going to come again next year.

-I know!

I found it a bit...strange

that somebody could celebrate their life

before they've died, if that makes sense.

I don't think I could do it.

-You look gorgeous.

-Thank you.

I think that anyone having to plan a living wake is in

a very poor position in life, but to know that you are surrounded

by your friends and people who love you, and truly love you,

and they're the people that are here...

I have lots of admiration for her, for being able to do this.

You know, I find it incredibly difficult being here

and not getting emotional about the whole event

but, you know, it's for the greater good that we're all here.

It's better than I'd expected. Yeah, it's lovely.

-Just enjoy it.

-Yeah.

-Enjoy yourself.

-Yeah.

Thank you ever so much for turning up

to my living-wake-cum-farewell-party,

whatever you wish to call it.

'I'd like them to just remember me long-term,

'rather than me just fading into the background rather rapidly.'

Because I didn't realise I knew so many people.

'I think it's more that it's going to help other people.

'They can see that I am well now,

'they can see that I'm enjoying myself and it's not just a front.'

Enjoy the party. Thank you.

'It is how I am. Hoping to be inspirational to other people.

'I'm hoping to make a difference.'

I just feel as if there should be more than one of me

to be able to get around everybody.

It's wrong, isn't it? But it's life.

'If it wasn't such a horrible event, that I'm losing my husband,

'it's been a really positive and uplifting experience

'for us as a family.

'So, I recommend that any family should do what's right for them.'

And that's my cherry tree.

You're standing where I'll go one day.

Not yet.

Not yet, no.

Thank you for coming, everybody.

When we leave the graveyard, and we take 40 steps away from the grave,

it is known that the body will basically sit up,

and two angels will come to them and it will question them

of everything they have done. All the goods, the bads,

and from there it will start, basically.

This is just moving from, I guess, one life to the other.

It's not the ending, it's only the beginning.

So, we pray to God to put him in the right position to answer.

The right answer, Insha'Allah.

It just shows that when somebody needs somebody, they are around.

You know, the community gets together

and it's great that so many people could get together so quickly.

You know, he'll be in our thoughts.

To see a funeral with no-one is unusual,

and it does make you feel sad.

But then, I take away with me a gladness and a satisfaction

that this gentleman has had a proper funeral service.

Had one of Anthony's family suddenly appeared at the last minute,

the front row of seats was there for them, as they would have felt

that was a proper funeral service and a fitting tribute to the man.

From the minute you're born, you're dying. You just don't know when.

Why not have a party beforehand, and celebrate your life?

If you fancy doing something, just do it.

Talk about it.

It's your final wishes.

Isn't it?

You know, you are hoping that somebody is going to carry out

just what you want, that makes you you.

And there's only one chance at that.

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