Episode 3 Capital

You've met Matya. I just hired her. She's my very own Christmas miracle.

Mark's a bit of a dark horse, isn't he?

He's just a bit competitive, but we all were at his age, weren't we?

We could have a different life.

-In the country!

-And do what exactly?

I think you need me to come and speak to the police

about those abusive postcards you told me about.

So why the sudden escalation?

Your guess is as good as mine at this point.

That traffic warden. She had nothing to do with it, then?

She was working illegally.

If I return, I will be killed.

I don't want you to visit me again.

I know that you're a builder. I'm from number 84.

Do you do painting, papering, refurbishment?

What is it all for in the end?

A lifetime of clutter.

Is that all there is?

-You're the artist, right?

-What?

You just don't feel anything, do you?

And until you do, you will always be my assistant.

Iqbal. What you doing there?

Stay! Lie still! Stay where you are.

Show me your hands.

Tell us about your friend.

Tell us about Iqbal.

He wasn't a friend.

Are you in the habit of offering your flat to strangers?

-He wasn't a stranger.

-So he WAS a friend.

Friend isn't the opposite of stranger.

There are plenty of stops in between.

He was a Muslim, like you.

He was a Muslim. But not like me.

I want to speak to the supervising officer.

Yes, anybody...

You first met him at a Stop The War demonstration.

On the way to a Stop The War demonstration.

Where you were doing what?

Trying to stop the war?

And what else?

Meet pretty girls holding banners. I was 14!

No, no, I want to know, on what basis are you holding him back?

Is there any law and order in this country or no?

And you saw each other at your Mosque every week.

I saw him there once.

-One time.

-And you asked him to come and stay with you?

Even though you barely knew him and he wasn't your friend.

He invited himself.

When did he introduce you to the radical boys?

What radical boys?

Where were you going to get the Semtex?

What Semtex?

HE SIGHS

HE SHOUTS

Morning, Roger.

You know Eva, Head of HR?

Yes. Hello, Eva.

Roger, we seem to have a little problem.

When I say "we", I mean Pinker Lloyd.

What do you know of the fact that

your deputy has been practising criminal embezzlement

under your nose?

What are you talking about?

-Mark?

-He ended up 30 million down.

At this very moment,

a team of traders is unravelling his remaining positions.

As of six o'clock this morning, he is in police custody,

charged with fraud.

HE SIGHS

The little shit.

You can't buy character, can you?

30 million?

Fraud committed right under his boss's nose.

Oh... You can't hold me responsible for someone's morality.

He claimed it was a desperate attempt to prove himself

in the face of your blocking him at every turn.

You can't seriously be attempting to lay the blame at my door for the rantings of a criminal?

Your role in this constitutes gross negligence.

-You are dismissed immediately, for cause.

-Oh, you're joking!

-You have 15 minutes to empty your desk and leave the building.

-This is bullshit! This is BULLSHIT!

-Even by your standards, Lothar.

-15 minutes.

Do you actually know what any of our traders really do? Mm?

In the pit? Can you tell me?

-Goodbye.

-You can't, can you?

I don't need to. You do. That's your job.

All these maths nerds sit

watching their computers trade to the design of their algorithms,

and neither you, nor me, nor anyone over the age of 30 has any clue what they're supposed to be doing!

So how the hell are we supposed to understand what they're doing

when we have no clue what it is in the first place?

An interesting line of defence.

-You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

-The details are in the envelope.

CHATTERING DIES DOWN

Thank you.

I can't remember your name.

-Clinton.

-Clinton. Of course.

Worked together for...

Five years.

Yes.

Thank you, Jessica.

And when was this delivered?

Yesterday morning.

Try not to worry.

I think we're getting close to the perpetrator now.

The postcards, you told us not to worry.

-The website, you told us not to worry.

-Rohinka. He's doing his best.

-DVDs. Photos of our children.

That what you call doing your best?

She's upset. We're all upset.

Shahid being arrested...

Ah, here he is.

The British policeman.

Can you look into my eyes and tell me that you think my son is a terrorist?

I'm not part of that investigation, I'm afraid.

What investigation is it that you're part of, then?

Because you're getting nowhere at all trying to find out

who's doing their business in jiffy bags and posting it to the good people of Pepys Road.

I'm aware of the distress this is causing. I wouldn't be here if...

If the police have got the time and money to arrest a boy who has done nothing wrong,

-then why don't they have the time and money to solve this campaign? Huh?

-With all due respect...

I never trust a man who starts his sentence "With all due respect".

It means they're about to patronise you.

Now I'm going to lie down.

I'm so tired.

Allah jaane, I might even get some sleep on that dreadful mattress.

The mattress is brand-new, Ammi.

That's what the salesman told you, did he?

Quite a character.

-USMAN:

-Don't pretend you're on our side, DI Mill.

Thank you.

Did you really need to say that?

Yes.

Yes, I did!

So Iqbal the mad Belgian was using my wireless broadband.

You know when he came to stay with me. Look at the dates.

You won't find a single jihadi site anywhere on the records

before Iqbal came to stay.

It's not that hard to work out, is it?

Two and two, meet four.

That's very funny.

Was it funny when you burnt the British flag

at the anti-war demonstration?

I didn't burn a flag.

Iqbal burnt a flag.

I was there. That's all.

Have you arrested everybody in that photo?

Tell us again about how you and Iqbal first met

at the Stop The War demonstration.

On the way to a Stop The War demonstration.

How many times?

On the way.

Arabella.

I'm on my way home, and I've got something to tell you.

I'll need you to stay calm.

You've always been very good in a crisis. I know that.

And I'm counting on you being good now.

And calm.

What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

I don't know. I have no idea.

-TEARFULLY:

-What are we going to do?

Well, for a start,

we're going to have to cut back on expenditure everywhere.

Gym membership.

Lunches out.

Do not make a list right now, Roger.

Endless refurbishment.

State schools.

Primary at least.

Have you gone out of your mind?

(God's sake! Will you try and keep your voice down?)

Don't tell me how to...

Hello!

Oh, hello, darling!

Why are you crying?

Oh, I'm all right, darling.

Conrad?

Let's go and play with dinosaurs.

Actually, Matya?

Yeah?

If you don't mind, would you take the boys out for tea?

Pizza. Burger. A treat, if you like. Just for an hour or so. OK.

Boys. Guess what?

We're going out again!

What a great day!

But make sure you get a receipt, Matya, otherwise he'll make a list!

Do you know why I married you, Arabella?

Surprise me.

You had a gift for making life look easy.

At least you remember why you married me.

Stop wriggling, Joshy.

That's a good boy.

Why was Mummy crying?

Did she want to come?

I'll go back and ask her.

No, Conrad. I think Mummy and Daddy want to talk.

-But I want to!

-No.

-Do you need any help?

-No.

-OK. OK.

I don't think it's a good time for you to call.

OK. Thank you.

It's a bit...

tense.

I'm cold.

Borrow my builder's gloves.

They'll keep you warm.

Re-ka-wicz-ki.

Re-ka-wicz-ki.

THEY CHUCKLE

I did something right, huh? Maybe we should celebrate.

We were going for a pizza.

-Re-ka-wicz-ki.

-Mm-hm!

Except I left my purse in the house.

The "tense" house?

Are we going back for Mummy?

No, I...don't know.

Do you like picnics?

Yeah!

Let's go.

So your name isn't Bogdan?

It's Zbigniew.

Bogdan is Mrs Yount's joke.

Bogdan the builder.

It's not so funny.

No. But if I'm being paid to rip out your shower,

and replace it every six months,

I would laugh at all your jokes, believe me.

I love bad chicken.

I love bad chicken!

-SHE GIGGLES

-What does he mean?

That's what Arabella calls it. They only normally eat organic.

You know what comes after bad chicken?

No?

Bad ice cream!

But what do we have to do first?

CONTRAD AND MATYA: Wipe our hands!

..else Zbigniew won't be getting you any ice cream at all.

Who is Zbigniew?

That's Bogdan's real name. It's Zbigniew.

-Do you like it?

-Yes.

-CAMERA CLICKS

-Me too.

Conrad, go and get changed.

PHONE RINGS

-Shahid's a good boy.

-I know.

And he wouldn't have done anything wrong.

Of course he wouldn't.

But he was young.

He might not have known he was doing something wrong.

-You trying to say you think he's a terrorist?

-No.

I'm saying that a teenage boy showing off

might do something or say something online, that the police or...

He's a good boy.

He's got a good heart.

Someone new to see you today.

It's not Jose Mourinho.

In case you were wondering.

Hello.

I'm Detective Inspector Mill.

Came to the shop, didn't you? About the cards and stuff.

Then you headed up the meeting at the Church. I went to that.

Yeah, "We Want What You Have"?

What do you suppose that means?

I don't know.

Depends who is saying it, I suppose.

What if it was you?

What if it was you that was saying it?

You haven't turned the machine on.

You know, the problem with this job...

..it isn't just all your friends thinking you're a fascist wanker,

or that all your colleagues think you're a liberal wanker.

No, it's the routine.

The drudgery. Then something comes along that speeds everything up.

-Like this case, for instance.

-You still haven't turned it on.

So your mate Iqbal was being monitored by the security forces

and he was using your IP address to access some very worrying sites.

And so, suddenly, money is no object.

The resources and the permission needed

to look at somebody's internet records is no problem any more.

No problem at all.

What we found out was this -

that all the initial traffic setting up that blog, We Want What You Have, came...

..from your IP address.

-What?

-Yep.

Came from your IP address.

Not your laptop or your phone.

Still, who's to say you haven't got a tablet or phone stashed somewhere?

You've got no evidence for the terrorist stuff,

so you are just finding a case that's happening,

and throwing it at me.

I tell you what.

If you're so sure about all this...

then you'd be recording it.

Yeah, well, I won't beat around it, Perce,

I've had a spot of bother with Pinker Lloyd.

You might hear some chat.

Someone's had their fingers stuck in the till.

Because he works in my department, they're trying to stick it on me.

So my plan is get another job, sue the bollocks off them.

I mean, really take them to the cleaners.

HE CHUCKLES

What?

Sorry?

Oh, no, oh, God, go ahead, take the other call, yes.

Just call me back when you've got a minute. Mmm.

BELL RINGS

Stop that, you'll wear out the bell. I thought you were studying physics.

Hello. We're your neighbours.

What?

I am Mrs Fatima Kamal.

One of my sons has been falsely imprisoned on trumped-up charges.

-What?

-We were wondering if you would sign the petition.

Certainly.

I know what it is to be the victim of a miscarriage of justice.

Believe me.

You and I are very much in the same boat.

Thank you.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

Don't look so surprised.

It's not the English who hate us.

It's the Poles.

Excuse me!

Excuse me! No!

I've got a permit.

Our Father, who art in heaven

Hallowed be they name.

Thy kingdom come

Thy will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil.

For Thine is the kingdom

The power and the glory

For ever and ever.

Amen.

Single file against the wall.

Arms out, please.

Any news?

The appeal?

I've found something to pass the time.

I am teaching a young woman to learn English.

She's Iranian.

She's...

She's so strong.

I thought you didn't want to become a part of things?

It was either that or go on hunger strike.

And as I'm not eating the food here anyway

I didn't think anyone would notice.

You said that if you started to join in, then that would make it normal.

I also said you shouldn't come and visit me again.

I...

I just need something to do.

The endless wait for news of my appeal.

There's so much energy and anger in here

they could connect us to a generator

and we would power the lights.

It's nice to see you smile again.

Is it?

It means that you might be getting over me.

And that you might stop visiting.

Why do you say things like that?

Because I can take this.

And you can't.

Why did you come here?

To buy my parents' cottage back home.

To get them out of their falling-down flat.

To see London,

which I'm doing for the very first time today.

SHE LAUGHS

This isn't where I thought you'd bring me on the first date.

I wanted to surprise you.

Well, I thought it would be in that bar on Clapham High Street,

where you bring all your conquests.

Well, that was before.

Before what? Before you met me?

It's a little corny.

Before I saw someone dying.

You shouldn't joke about such things.

I'm not joking.

That old lady at number 84.

Yeah?

In bed. Hardly breathing.

I looked at her, nearly dead...

..and I thought...

I don't know what I thought.

How did we get on to death so soon?

It's the effect I have on men.

That's OK. Kind of like that about you.

What?

Vlad the Impaler was your national saint, right?

That's Romania.

Isn't it the same country as Hungary(?)

Ow!

SHE LAUGHS

I would ask you in, but you might end up rewiring the playroom.

Thank you for a lovely day.

Yeah.

-Matya.

-Hello.

Come and sit down.

Hello.

Oh...

Matya, darling, please sit.

SHE SNIFFS

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

Oh. No. No. You don't need to do that right now.

I just came up to say you can stay here as long as you like.

But I don't work for you any more.

I know. But please stay. For free.

I think it would be too confusing for Joshua and Conrad.

Where will you go?

I have friends.

Oh. I see.

You won't...

You're not thinking of moving in with Bogdan?

I don't think that is any of your business, Roger.

No. Of course not.

It's just...

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but, erm,

you can do a lot better.

He's a...

a bit...

..bit of a Casanova.

And I'd hate to see you hurt.

I hope you don't mind me...

What I think, Mr Yount, is that you have too much time on your hands,

and I think it is because you lost your job.

Erm...that's yours to keep, by the way.

Roger Federer.

Just so you know.

Matya doesn't seem to have taken it too badly.

They are a very resilient people.

She didn't have much choice in the matter.

I realise you're a little bit in love with her, Roger.

She laughs at my jokes, if that's what you mean.

I know you fantasise about running away with her

to a flat in St John's Wood

and having sex twice a day till your heart gives out,

but the fact is that we are broke.

If you are trying to punish me for something,

at least do me the courtesy of

telling me what you are punishing me for!

For failing? Is that it?

For betraying me.

What? When?

Is this some fantasy you've concocted about Matya and I?

I married one kind of man, and you have turned into another.

Isn't that a betrayal of sorts?

Oh, for God's sake!

For God's sake! Leave me alone!

Leave me alone!

You've made it nice.

I always hated coming up here.

This was my dad's den,

-where he came to get away from us all, you know?

-I see.

So, is that everything?

I think so. That's it.

Thank you, Bogdan.

And if you wouldn't mind staying on until we complete,

-that would be marvellous.

-No problem.

Just having someone living here that I trust puts my mind at rest.

Wait! Sorry!

I almost forgot. There is something else.

I need to give it to you.

There are some old photos in there, but it's mainly post.

Right. Thanks.

Thank you.

Is this still going on? The letters?

I thought it had stopped.

It started up again. Someone very bored, I think.

Or very angry.

Funny, isn't it?

One generation paves over everything and blocks up all the fireplaces,

and then the next lot comes along

and they rip up all the paving slabs

and they pay a fortune for original features and fittings

-Where's that?

-I've seen it happen again and again on that road.

What's your point?

Mum lived all her life in that one house

and by next year, there'll be no sign of her at all.

Well, I won't forget her.

No, no, no, I'm not saying...

What I'm saying is,

what is it that we actually leave behind in the end?

Apart from one another?

I'd bin that, if I were you.

No.

I'll hang on to this.

DOOR CLOSES

There's something belonging to you on the desk.

What's this?

Stop it.

What?

The woodland animals routine.

The Beatrix Potter collection as reimagined by Damien Hirst.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-This is your handwriting, you bellend!

I thought you wanted me to show you some anger.

Yeah, with something of your own. Something new!

Have you seen that wall? You've become obsessed!

I was just running with it, just like you are.

No, no. The postcards were clever.

This is just some cheap cover version.

I'm making a statement.

No, you're not, though. You're really not.

Something else belonging to you.

No.

No. Please, come on.

Come on, I...I got it wrong.

You got it wrong too many times, mate.

All the time, come to think of it.

If you sack me, I'll tell everyone who you are,

and that's you done.

Let's be honest, this budget Banksy mystery

is all you've got going for you.

DOOR SLAMS

HE SIGHS

FOOTSTEPS

And the idea that Shahid chose to waive his right to see a lawyer?

He's not a child who can't read or write.

I simply do not believe what the police are asserting about him.

He's a good boy. He wouldn't get mixed up in terrorism.

Shahid has been in custody for seven days, yes?

Because he is being held under the Terrorism Act,

he can be kept for 14 days without charge.

It's a deplorable fact,

but it is a fact.

We're well aware of the virtues of Britain as a free society,

and we are good citizens.

Respectful. Respectful of other faiths. And respectful...

The thing is, right, it's like...

We know we got rights.

We're supposed to have, like, rights, yeah? So where are they?

Who's going to help us exercise them? You get me?

It's, like, there's the rhetoric. The papers and that,

Islamophobic narrative.

It's like... It's like...if a guy holds up a bank, he's like...

If he was a Muslim, right, they lock them up for it.

Keep quiet, Usman, until you can learn to make some sense.

You're jabbering like a wild dog.

Unfortunately, the legal facts of the case are what they are.

As to the judicial realities of the matter, my opinions have no status.

They have no traction.

I'm sorry.

But we need you, Ms Strauss. Without you, we are lost.

We have rights on which we can't act.

The door is closed to us.

We are excluded from justice.

Without you, we don't even know how to begin to find it.

We know that the fight against such injustices is your whole life.

We know that.

All we can do now is to ask for your help,

for us and for Shahid.

He is in a dark place.

You must help us find him some light,

because without you, we have no-one else to turn to.

Very well. I'll see what I can do.

-Hope she's as good as she thinks she is.

-Typical white liberal.

Shut up, Usman. I thought you'd gone raving mad in there.

All she wanted all along was for us to flatter her.

She needed us to need her.

And to tell her we needed her.

I know what that feels like in this family.

-She was a real piece of work.

-I like her.

He's a lad called Parker French.

And he used to work for me. And I sacked him.

Why, cos you disapproved of his campaign?

Yes. It was derivative and poorly executed.

And nasty.

That, too.

-So this is his revenge, is it?

-Yeah.

He didn't really do subtle.

I was tired of it, anyway, so I'm afraid my unmasking

is yet another of Parker's tragic, empty gestures.

You know, if I go and speak to Parker,

he'll probably say that you did this together.

That you were his boss and you told him what to do.

You know what? Knowing Parker, I doubt that very much indeed.

-I did it, right? I did all of it.

-You do not have to say anything,

-but anything you do say may be taken down and used in evidence against you.

-It was me!

It may harm your defence if you do not mention something which you later rely on in court.

-All of it. All on my own.

-Can I just give you one word of advice, sir?

Can you maybe stop confessing for a moment

until we at least find you a solicitor?

Did you know Shahid Kamal from the Pepys Road minimart?

No. Can't say I do.

Did you see the films I posted online? The new ones?

What did you think?

-I think they constitute harassment.

-No, I mean aesthetically.

Aesthetically?

I thought they were derivative of Godard.

What do you want me to say? Aesthetically, you're in the clear.

Legally, you're in the shit.

You know what? Smitty was an accomplice, if you think about it.

-He provoked me.

-Yes, but he didn't actually,

technically know you were doing it, did he?

He gave me a challenge. A test.

And I just, you know, I ran with it.

I can't help it. I'm an artist.

Well, that's one word for it.

Studying hard?

Yeah.

That's good.

I am kind of in the middle of it.

Shahid's solicitor just rang.

Yeah? Is she actually doing anything for him?

She said the police have found evidence.

I don't really understand, something on his internet.

Anyway, something on his internet makes them think

he was sending those postcards to people's houses.

What?

Shahid? No, that's mad.

Shahid wouldn't do anything like that.

That's exactly what I said.

She said it would help him if we did know who had been doing it.

You were very young when your father died.

-So?

-It was harder for you than the others.

Was it?

But I do like to think you know right from wrong, Usman.

I'm sure you do...

..and if there was anything you could say or do

to help your brother,

I am sure you would not hesitate from doing so.

We'll be eating in ten minutes. Don't be late.

I need you to eat as much of Rohinka's terrible daal as you can.

We got a full confession

from the guy who has been sending the padded envelopes to Pepys Road.

-That's great.

-He didn't start the campaign.

The postcards. Somebody else did.

He's not smart enough to have started the campaign.

So why are you still talking to me?

Do you know what I think about your "terrorist activities", Shahid?

I think you went on a few marches against the war,

got in with a bunch of lefties and disaffected Muslim boys,

got bored, got irritated by their stupidity,

and went back to chasing girls. That's what I think.

It doesn't matter what you think, does it?

You're not with the anti-terrorist squad.

If you gave me something to help wrap up

the We Want What You Have campaign, then the terrorist charges

might have less... What's the word? ..traction.

-I've done nothing wrong.

-Good.

Then the anti-terrorist guys might release you after 14 days.

Or more likely, unless Iqbal turns up, they will charge you

and you'll be in Belmarsh before you know it.

We just don't know who the bad guys are any more,

so a lot of good guys are going to get locked up

while we look for them.

You're offering me a deal?

Are you allowed to do this?

If you could give me some idea who might have used your IP address...

-Friends, family?

-Try the mad Belgian, if you can find him.

Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

But it turns out that the We Want What You Have

internet activity started some time before Iqbal stayed with you.

No idea, then.

Sorry.

A friend?

A family member?

Someone in the cafe downstairs? Someone who knew?

Maybe someone you're trying to protect?

Nobody?

That's a shame.

Oh, your family wanted you to have this.

I said I'd pass it on. Goodwill gesture.

KEYS JANGLE

Which direction is Mecca from here?

That way.

Are you sure?

Course I'm sure.

Same direction as Stamford Bridge.

DOOR OPENS

I need to speak to DI Mill. I've got something to tell him.

I've got a name for him.

FOOTSTEPS

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

Where's DI Mill? I want to talk to him.

No, you don't. You really don't.

So, did you find her?

We met once before. Around Christmas.

You were looking for someone.

-Oh...

-Did you find her?

Yes, I found her.

So, a happy ending?

No.

No. She's, um... She is in a detention centre...

appealing against her deportation order.

She's still waiting.

Oh.

Not so good.

Ah, the great British understatement.

Sorry.

She's strong, you know.

We all have to be strong.

Yes.

Don't ask me why. English is a crazy language, I'm afraid.

Yeah?

INAUDIBLE

Move? Why would we move?

A new start. A new us.

I know it'll be difficult,

but we have to be strong.

Is this about sexual intercourse, Roger?

-I'm sorry?

-Because if it is, and I suspect it is,

perhaps we could give Newsnight a miss later, just this once.

You think some loveless coupling is going to solve all our problems?

It's a weeknight, Roger. I won't ask again.

Where are you moving, Zbigniew?

I've got something I must tell you.

I'm scared to tell you

because I think it might change how you think about me.

-Take it back!

-Right now?

-All of it?

-Of course. It's not yours.

I could buy that cottage for my parents.

Nobody would lose.

Mrs Leatherby doesn't know she has the money, she won't miss it.

-She's rich anyway.

-It's not yours. You take it back.

Now?

Right now?

Right now!

£100,000.

Where did you find it?

It was in the attic where the fireplace was boxed in.

There was...

Well, a secret compartment.

My father.

He didn't trust banks.

Nobody trusts banks.

No. He didn't trust banks before it was fashionable.

In a way, it makes sense.

Both his hobbies in one.

Miserliness and DIY.

I really should have brought it to you straightaway.

Well, you brought it in the end.

That's the main thing.

DOOR CLOSES

Mum?

You did say tonight, didn't you?

What are you doing, sitting in the dark?

Did you rob a bank?

100,000 there.

Your grandad.

The builder found it.

Very honest of him, considering.

The builder.

Did you tell him?

The builder?

What, that it's not legal tender any more?

No. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I'm glad my mum didn't know what your grandad was doing.

She'd have killed him.

Never seen this much cash in one go before.

Haven't you?

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Is this about you being a millionaire artist

but keeping your identity a secret?

Or is there something else that you've been meaning to tell me?

-You know?

-Yeah.

And I think I know why.

I told Gran.

Just before she died.

So she knew I was doing all right.

I'll bet that made her happy.

It did.

I just wish I'd told her sooner, but...

-..I should have told you, too.

-I struggled when I had you.

I hold my hands up to that.

That's why Gran brought you up most of the time.

But I can see that, for you,

well, once you've got a secret that big,

and you could keep it from me, well...

..why wouldn't you? You had something on me.

Something you knew and I didn't.

It wasn't as thought through as all that.

It didn't have to be.

It's in your genes.

Secrecy.

And if you needed proof...

..take a look in that suitcase.

Ready?

Got your stuff together?

What are you talking about?

Didn't they tell you?

Does it look like they told me?

Whatever it is?

Oh. Now, that is classic. You're getting out today.

-Your brief and your family are here to pick you up.

-You're joking.

Classic. Typical.

That is this place all over.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Who's looking after the shop?

So where's Usman hiding?

In his room?

He's younger than you.

He knows he made a mistake.

You knew? He told you?

He didn't have to tell me.

I'm a mother. I know everything.

So, please, Shahid...

I'll go easy.

Don't worry about that.

Brother! Have you lost weight?

Never mind about that, you ugly little dope!

-I was stuck in a cell for 14 days cos of you!

-I am truly sorry.

When you were arrested,

I assumed it was to do with that idiot fake jihadi.

It was only last week when the lawyer said something to Mum

about the blog, and I realised they were trying to pin that on you too.

Hang on. So you knew last week, and you still didn't say a word?

I prayed.

And, you know, like, here you are, a free man.

The lawyer might have had a bit more to do with it than you.

The reason you're a free man is that Mill offered you a deal.

So the lawyer argued that was an admission on their part

that their case against you for terrorism was non-existent.

Mill cocked up. And why did he cock up?

Don't tell me. Because you prayed.

I think so. Yes.

The moment Mill told me someone had used my IP address,

I knew it was you and I kept my mouth shut.

Even when they offered me a deal,

I kept my mouth shut about your stupid campaign!

You even sent the cards to us! Your own family!

I had to, otherwise it would have been a dead giveaway.

But when I saw Rohinka was scared, and Fatima,

-I knew it had got out of hand.

-Yeah(?)

I took the site down. Everything.

-Didn't stop you painting all over the road at Christmas.

-I know,

but I'd already bought the paint. But that was it.

-My final statement.

-Your "statement"?

Is that what you're calling it? We Want What You Have?

So if you had their property, then it would be OK?

Sounds a bit like jealousy to me.

And last time I looked, envy wasn't exactly Islamic.

No, no. That's the thing. It's funny when you think about it.

I was making a point about Western obliviousness,

and they think it's about property prices!

You tell them they are in a condition of complete moral unconsciousness

and they worry about whether their house

is still worth two million quid!

Then they decide you're a terrorist! These people. Unbelievable.

"These people"? What is it that you do or say that makes you

better than "these people"?

I'll talk to the police. Whatever it takes.

You truly are king of the token gesture.

No. I don't want you to talk to anybody.

Especially not me.

At least I brought the community together, hey, bro?

HE GASPS

HE GROANS

-Oh, come on, Roger.

-Do you think we'll get bored?

-In the country?

-Green wellies with Chanel,

an Audi four-by-four parked in the driveway,

flirting with the stable boy?

I can just about see it, I suppose.

Once we get the house sorted,

I'll find a little business to invest in...

Do something real, at least.

Yes.

I look forward to you devoting your energies

to selling widgets in Ludlow.

What would I do without you to ridicule me?

It doesn't bear thinking about.

We can change, you know.

We can change.

Why do people always say that as if it's a good thing?

Oh, sorry. The door was open.

Hello, Bogdan.

I don't remember selling you along with the fixtures and fittings.

They wanted me to redecorate.

From Chalky Downs to Cabbage White.

Really? Ooh, they'll regret that.

Khuda-hafiz!

Come on, Ammi, we don't want to hit the traffic.

Lose some weight, Ahmed.

See how handsome Shahid is since he went to prison.

You want to take a leaf out of his book.

You and your son looked like chubby twins at breakfast.

Safe journey, Ammi.

No more of that silly business,

boy on the world wide text, or whatever it is.

You hear me, Usman?

And now my little jaan.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Daughter, it has been...eventful.

It has indeed.

Now to see about that upgrade.

I thought the new owners might be interested.

Slice of cultural history and all that.

I hardly think it's cultural history.

It's more like a curse.

Khuda-hafiz!

I think I might just be starting to like her.

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

# ..His strength the more is

# No foes shall stay his might

# Though he with giants fight

# He will make good his right

# To be a pilgrim... #

PING

CHILD CHATTERS

How many minutes are we going to be in our house?