Best Served Cold Casualty

She's got a name now. Matilda. After Mum.

LILY: 'My father passed away recently.'

I've been doing this job far too long

to be humiliated by an F2.

He's not breathing.

..Dr Chao?

Police negotiator was implying

that we didn't handle the situation with due care and attention.

And questioning why you were waving the gun around in the first place.

Oh, so, I brought this on myself?

Contrary to popular belief,

it takes a wise and strong man to ask for help.

Say it again. Please. Just...

It sounds so... "Creche".

..good! Say it one more time, please.

"Cre-e-eche".

There we go. That's the one.

Right. I am late.

No... No, no, no, WE'RE late.

Well, OK, you drop her off and I can cover.

Why don't you take her? She's your daughter.

All right, come on.

You know it.

BOTH: A-one, two, three, go!

That's fine, I wanted to take her anyway.

After all, I am her daddy.

Yeah.

So, anything anyone ever needs to know about dracaena...

My mum's slight obsession...

I've been on aphid-duty since the age of six...

Had my own little magnifying glass hunting Dysaphis plantaginea,

the rose aphid. Rose aphid, yeah.

So, if you need anyone on aphid patrol, I am your man!

Well, I'll certainly give it some thought, thank you.

Thank you.

I was just thinking, have you applied for your MCEM exams yet?

Oh, no. Not yet. I was waiting for Lily.

Well, I think you should apply for the next sitting.

Really?

Only if you can handle the revision.

I can handle it, yeah. Bring it on.

Sooner the better.

OK, let's see what we can do.

Lab's on some sort of go-slow.

Still waiting on Haematology. Can you give a shout?

What, that's it? Wham-bam.

No sweet nothings? No foreplay?

What, just straight to business?

That's youngsters for you.

What, no seduction. No wooing.

No decorum.

I... I'm really sorry. I was going to say...

Morning! You see!

Now, that's how you should greet your boss. A smile.

A cheery hello. Hm?

HE SCOFFS "Morning"?!

There you go! Now you got me feeling like Snow White.

I do believe I can hear the bluebirds...!

Sorry, I was... You're late.

Eight minutes. I was just carrying Mrs Beauchamp's...

You're late.

Punctuality is an expectation for your professional responsibility.

She did ask me to. Is Mrs Beauchamp your clinical mentor...?

No... Hm.

LIFT PINGS

LIFT: 'Lift going down...'

Hey. All good? Well, ah...

If by "good" you mean, "Has my daughter's chances

"of catching any one of a dozen communicable diseases,

"just risen by 200%?"

Then, "Yes, I'm good".

MOBILE RINGS

KEYPAD TONE

Chief Superintendent.

I'm listening.

SHE SIGHS

No, I fully understand,

but that said, I don't condone your decision.

OK.

No, I do appreciate you calling, Jim,

and I understand you need to protect your team,

but where does that leave me? With...

Yes, which makes my situation even worse.

TYRES SCREECH

THUDDING

I do apologise, but Mrs Beauchamp wanted to talk to me.

What could happen in eight minutes? Sorry?

Every second counts in the ED.

People die. Patients bleed-out,

seizures develop, hearts arrest, lungs collapse... Of course.

I want you to write a reflective piece for your portfolio.

A list of all the things that could have occurred

in the eight minutes you weren't here.

SHE SIGHS

You could boil a kettle.

Make a brew...

..in eight minutes.

You could do THAT in eight minutes.

Thank you for mentoring. How's it going?

Fine.

Not everyone immediately gets what mentoring involves.

In a medical environment, it's easy...

"A mentor helps a mentee manage their own learning

"in order to maximise their potential, develop skills

"and improve performance."

Ah.

Yes.

I meant more that...

"Mentoring is also a personal development and empowerment tool."

She looks up to you, Lily.

Remember that. Might not always seem like it, but she does.

You've done a very good job so far.

It's all about potential. Hm?

Maximising potential.

Seizing an opportunity and taking possession of it.

OK.

You feel me?

Um, yeah. Yeah...

Good.

'I just got some news.'

Doesn't sound good...

Superintendent Gibson called, and, um...

..the Armed Response officer who shot you,

they're not recommending disciplinary action.

'You gotta seize it, Eddie! Hm? Yeah.'

Carpe-diem it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Sure.

HE LAUGHS I said,

do you KNOW what I'm saying?

Yeah, mate, yeah.

What...?

Sorry? Huh...?

Yes!

I can't hear you. Louder!

Yes, yes! I know what you're saying, yes!

Good. Good.

Nice one, yeah?

THUNK!

And you might think sometimes I am being unnecessarily harsh,

but it is a mentor's job to help a mentee reach her full potential.

Yes, of course. And I wouldn't be doing my job

or serving you best if I was just kind.

Right...

Kind. Yeah. OK.

Bang!

So, that's it?

Official door's closed? End of? No. No.

I'm going to keep pushing, I'm going to keep rattling cages,

but, to be honest, this is coming from the top, so...

HE LAUGHS The whitewash begins, yeah?

You know what, I got shot. I know...

Do you know, if they want, I can show them the bullet hole.

Look. No-one is saying...

A hole where... A hole where a policeman's BULLET...

pierced my flesh.

So, what do I do?

Do I let the wound just heal over..?

Do I let the scar tissue grow? Covering up what they done?

HE GROANS

HE GASPS AND PANTS

It's lovely.

It's nice.

Nice job.

Trust me, Eddie boy, this is definitely going to work.

'And there'll be an apology.'

From the shooter?

There'll be compensation, I... I'm sure...

They give you his name? Wha...? No, of course not.

I want to know his name.

Well... They won't.

I mean, they're never going to give you his name.

I think it's only right.

I get to know the name of the guy that tried to gun me down.

No, Jacob. It was just a...

It was a man doing his job. It's just... Badly.

Very, very badly as it turns out.

OK, "badly", but they are never going to give you a name.

So, please just...

What, you don't think I can't get that name myself? Huh? What?

What, you don't think I know people who can get me that name?

HE GRUNTS

Now, remember, the second you hit the deck,

you pull these off, right? Cos we need to see a bit of blood.

Trust me, man, I know this game.

And you know that I know this game.

'Right, before you go,'

just remember our junior doctors,

Dr Munroe mentioned about completing her portfolio.

So, if there are any ongoing treatments that would benefit an F2,

please help Alicia complete her workplace-based assessments.

Right. Thank you.

Sex with Ethan. What?

Well, Charlie mentioned you wanted

a list of things that can happen in eight minutes?

HE LAUGHS

Get ready, Eddie boy.

You're about to earn us some serious cash.

Three...two...one...

Bounce!

GLASS SMASHES, TYRES SCREECH

HE GROANS

(Hey! I said OVER the bonnet!)

Is he OK? What do you mean, "Is he OK"?

You rammed into him, didn't you, with a speeding van?

Course he's not OK! He just ran out in front of me.

No, mate, I saw you, you were speeding!

(Hey!)

Yeah. Yes, you can...

Yeah, can I get an ambulance, please?

Hey, mate. Yeah, I saw everything, man.

It was brutal. Trust me.

This guy over here, stepped into the road, all innocent and everything.

Next thing you know, this geezer over here

comes screaming down the road like a madman in his van!

And you definitely weren't knocked out?

No, no, I remember everything. All right, mate, just lay still.

We'll get you sorted. And where does it hurt now?

It's in me shoulder, me leg...

All right, I'll get a line in and give him five of morphine, yeah?

Listen, he didn't stand a chance. Trust me.

He's lucky to be alive if you ask me!

Germs are good for babies.

It's a proven fact.

Ah, Charlie, can you tell him?

Babies need exposure to germs, that's a fact.

You didn't see the pestilence in the creche!

ETHAN SIGHS

I can't believe I'm hearing this! What?

Cal Knight under the thumb of a three-month-old snotbox

by the name of Matilda...

All right, what have you got? Right, this is Eddie Hunte, 26,

hit by a van at approximately 30 miles an hour on Flood Street.

Yeah, it was more like 50mph.

The other guy was seriously speeding. Excuse me, sir,

do you want to wait with me a moment and we'll let them do their jobs?

Pulse, 88.

BP, 130 over 74. Sats, 99...

Yeah, you know what, the kid ain't got no-one else.

I've gotta go with him, yeah? He's got a head wound.

Query dislocated left shoulder.

We've got IV access, immobilised him,

given him ten of morphine and Entonox en route to good effect. OK.

Middle bed, please. Right.

OK, let's get him over.

On three, please, if everybody's got a bit?

On one, two, three.

REEL WHIZZES, HE GASPS

(He's got a run!)

REEL WHIZZES, HE GRUNTS

OK, can you move your neck for me, please?

OK, great, yup.

I'm happy with his neck, let's get rid of the collar. All right, buddy.

You'll be a lot more comfortable without this lot.

Let me know if this is painful at any point.

Right, the lad outside says

he definitely didn't lose consciousness before we got there.

EDDIE WINCES

OK, let's get routine bloods, a chest X-ray

and some shoulder views, as well, please. So, is he a mate of yours?

Who...? The guy who brought you in.

Russell? Oh. Yeah, man!

Yeah. Totally. We're solid. Yeah...

MONITORS BEEP

ANGLER LAUGHS

Hey!

Vanessa!

HE PANTS

Oi!

Vanessa! No!

THEY GRUNT AND SCUFFLE

All right, Eddie,

Lofty's going to be your designated driver to X-ray, OK?

Look... I won't...

I've not done any, like, permanent damage or anything, have I?

Let's just wait and see the films, yeah?

I just don't want anything too serious. Course. Why would you?

Not draw attention.

What "attention"?

I feel a bit Tom Dick. It's probably just the morphine.

It really hurts, though...

What do you mean by not drawing too much attention?

A brother in a nurse's uniform, yeah?

A sight you don't see too often.

I'm the new James Bond.

What, you ain't read about me yet?

This?

Just trying some incognito.

No, I'm serious, man.

It's impressive, you know?

Working in this big old hospital. All in charge.

Hey, I bet you got the keys to all kinds of cupboards

and cabinets and that, yeah? I don't know what you mean, man.

Hey, you probably write out all those, sick notes,

"injuries sustained" stuff, don't you?

No, my job is to help run the nursing staff.

I see. You know...

I'm thinking we can do a little bit of business together.

Know what I'm sayin'?

HE CHUCKLES OK, I get it, you come up in here,

you see a brother, and you think you know me?!

Hey! Mind yourself, you know, bro.

I ain't your "bro". You don't know me.

You understand? You know nothing about me.

I hear ya.

It's cool.

It's all cool.

'It's my fish!'

He was going to kill it!

Did he catch it? No. Did I catch it? Yes!

Yes, but we have a "catch-and-release only" policy!

So, it's MY fish!

She's called Vanessa!

And I've known her since she was six pounds! Argh!

"Vanessa"! She's a carp.

Carp is dinner. Carp is a stew.

Carp is fillets with bread crumbs and egg!

Over my dead body!

Over HER dead body!

My Christmas meal on Christmas Eve, with my family.

We have special carp, karp zatorski.

With dried mushrooms and hot sauerkraut.

Mmmm! Delicious!

Sir? Sir, can you put a sock in it, please?

Just while I have a look?

Right, he's got a large fishing hook thing embedded in his scalp...

Looks like a puncture wound... Yeah, it's called a gaff.

And it's been ILLEGAL in every British club water

for the last 30 years! Gaff, Iain. Apparently(!)

Obviously(!)

Right, he's got a knife embedded in his right shoulder...

What's that?

Vanessa. SHE YELLS

SHE SHUDDERS

IAIN LAUGHS

He's got a large gaff stuck out of his head,

and you don't bat an eyelid. But one flap of a...

No, blood and guts I'm used to.

But fish...live fish... No. No way...

What are you going to do with that? Kill it.

Let it go! It's my fish.

X-rays should be on the system any minute. How's he been?

Yeah. Fine. Good. Seems a bit concerned about his injuries...

Not surprising. But not for himself. He's more worried about his mate.

OK, Eddie, here we go.

The good news is, pelvic X-ray is clear.

I can confirm two cracked ribs

and one dislocated shoulder.

On top of this head wound, which is, um...

looking pretty good.

Jacob, I was thinking Alicia might want to do the shoulder reduction

for her portfolio... OK, yeah. Yeah? I'll be back in a minute.

All right.

All right, Eddie, let's have a look at this wound, shall we?

Hmm...

So, you want to tell me how you got yourself run over?

Ahh... This guy... He was driving like some crazy dude...

OK.

Did you see him coming?

Yeah... No...

Look... I...

I can't really remember, to be honest...

Yeah, well, it's a good job Russell was there, eh? Yeah.

You guys hang out much? Yeah, all the time...

I am not having that fish in my ambo. Dead or alive.

There's no wriggle room on that. All right. Fair enough!

We can't put these two in the same vehicle. It'll be World War III.

..Sir! I was just saying you are not taking that fish

onto any ambulance service vehicle. It's not happening.

That is perfectly fine with me. No problem.

Good. So, you're going to pop it back in the water?

Fish don't come, I stay here.

OK. Well, we've got to remove that from your head.

Let me just get it. No! NO. No, no, no, no!

Please, please, please, don't do that! Ahh, aah...

If my fish don't come,

I don't come.

For sedation, I suggest propofol, slowly titrated to response,

and reduce the dislocation using the Matson's traction technique.

How's it going, Dix?

Swimmingly(!)

HE CHUCKLES

Right, Alicia. With the Matson's traction technique,

you need to apply the most force upwards.

Oh. Can we try something else?

I think it would be more appropriate to use the technique I've suggested.

I know, but it's hard.

Takes a lot of brute strength.

She's not wrong there. Let's put this down.

I know you have your own way,

but on my last rotation, in Orthopaedics,

we used the Spaso technique.

It's a much more gentle.

We use the Matson's traction technique. But I can't do it.

Look, I could show you the Spaso technique.

I've seen it done lots of times before.

You are here to be mentored by me. Not the other way round.

I'd like to see her try it.

I mean, if it works and causes less pain, I don't see why not?

Well, it can't hurt just to see it, can it?

Great, OK.

Right, so, we start with the patient in the supine position.

You grasp by the wrist and lift vertically...

..applying gentle traction...

and the shoulder is externally rotated,

and reduction usually occurs spontaneously.

Erm, sometimes pushing the humeral head back into position should...

HE GROANS

And voila!

Back in place! Yes, nice moves.

I think all our doctors should be reminded of this technique.

Yes. Interesting.

Well done.

Lofty? Did you ask Eddie who he wanted you to call?

Yeah, I made the call earlier. So, who was it?

Parents? Family? Girlfriend?

Well, that's the weird thing, none of them. So, who?

Had the number all ready on a business card and everything.

One of those.

Accident claims solicitor.

OK, this is Jurek...Wojciecow... Wodgco...

Wojciechowski! Wojciechowski. That's it.

He's been involved in a fight at a fishing lake.

He's not been KO'd, various cuts and bruises,

and he's got this gaff embedded in the side of his head.

I'm sorry, Dix, what's in the box?

That comes with me. Yeah, all right, OK.

I'm not letting her out of my sight!

His resps are 16, the skin is tenting.... Iain?

Meet Vanessa. 12 pound ghost carp,

involved in fisticuffs at local fishing lake.

Obs are all fine. Seems to be doing very well.

(Right.)

So, this was a fight about fish?

Yeah. He was about to kill

one of our club's best-loved fish - Vanessa. "Loved"?

You need a CT scan to ascertain if this has pierced your skull.

Course this fight wasn't about fish.

It was about ostracisation!

Discrimination! Prejudice!

Prejudice?! Just because I am Polish,

you think I am not fit to eat your British fish.

Yank it out, dear. It's nothing. I've much worse, many times.

Look! No-one eats our fish.

These are not "eating" fish...

"Not eating fish"?! You hear that?

NOT EATING FISH?!

You're...what...Chinese, yes?

Yes, from Hong Kong.

You eat carp in your country?

I think some people do.

English are ridiculous about fish.

And dogs... What, you eat dogs?

No. We don't eat dogs.

But we don't treat them like children,

with special food and gel in their hair, and...

I don't think it's too serious,

I think it's just gone into the muscle.

I'm pretty confident it's not gone anywhere near nerves or vessels.

"Pretty confident"? And that's enough?

This isn't just any fish!

No, it's "Vanessa"!

Fish with names?

What is this, Disneyland?

Squeeze my hands.

We'll need an X-ray before we do anything else.

You can never second-guess the length of a stab wound, any movement

and it may involve the brachial plexus. ..Pull.

I have revised the upper limb for my MCEM prep.

At our club, yeah, we catch the fish,

we photograph the fish, we release the fish. UNHARMED!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Now, I don't need to tell you how stupid that was, right?

You know...all the... Know what?

Well, you coming to my place of work, man,

being all one-brother-to-another... What are you trying to say, man?

Look...

Come on.

Look, I'm saying, yeah,

that these walls have ears.

What, so, you're saying that all that

"Don't come up in my face in my place of work" talk

that you've just given me in there, was just an act? I'm saying...

If you want to talk business,

then you gotta be more careful.

Discreet, yeah?

OK.

Guess you're not as straight as you making out then, are you?

JACOB CHUCKLES

All right. So, tell me...

What's going on with you and this young dude?

Insurance fraud?

What, so he gets knocked over, by accident, but on purpose.

And you and some bent lawyer

show him how to max out the insurance claims.

Let's just say I keep an eye out for the boy, yeah?

What, you and him tight?

Eddie? Hell, no!

Eddie's just some stupid little care-in-the-community kid

that does whatever I tell him to do, yeah? You know why?

Cos he's dumb and he thinks I'm cool.

But ain't you worried about him getting hurt...badly?

More hurt means more money.

To a point.

Not if he's dead.

I mean, you can't split no insurance money if he's dead.

Eddie's not dying. Well, not now.

I mean, I'm assuming you guys are... Let me just get this straight, yeah?

Whose side are you on? What I gotta choose sides?

Yes, you do have to choose sides. You know why? You see this?

This is what is known as a victimless crime.

The only people losing out are the banks and the insurance companies.

You know as well as I do that they're the biggest robbers of all.

OK.

Right, so you're...

So, you're doing like a community service?

You see? You got it. You got it, brother.

So, you're either with me or you're against me.

So, you don't kill the carp, then? No. Just photograph them.

What, isn't that cruel?

Killing them is cruel.

Yeah, but killing them to eat them, at least there's a point to it.

Exactly. The voice of sanity.

So, who chooses the names?

Well, the first person to catch them when they're big enough

so that they've got a defined scale pattern.

This is Vanessa...

when she's 5 lb 7 ounces.

Well, you really love your fishing, huh? And who's that?

OK.

Two things.

One, this box of fish can't stay here in my cubicle. And, two,

just, just, just get this box of fish out of here!

I'll take it to the staffroom. I won't let anyone else touch it.

I'll leave this place with gaff in my head,

blood pouring out of my veins.

Ooooh, my prayers in heaven.

Who is this?

I'm...Robyn? Staff Nurse Miller?

You...

are the most beautiful woman

I have ever seen in my whole life, ever.

Without question,

hesitation, deviation...EVER.

Have you been...? Has he been drinking? Yes.

But alcohol could not cloud my vision.

You gleam like an angel.

You want specs, mate. Enough!

This carp. Not in here. Carp?

Staffroom. It'll be safe. I promise.

If Robyn asks, I agree.

Robyn?

HE GROANS

EDDIE PANTS

Did you tell that nurse that I was your friend?!

I forgot, I'm sorry, I di...

So stupid! I mean, look at you.

You already got more messed up than we need.

Sorry, Russ. I didn't... And it's "Russell" to you, all right?

Stick to the plan again and keep that shut.

I for... I forgot, all right? I got really confused.

I... My head is killing me, Russell...

But you mess up this claim for me, and I swear...

For you? Remember, I'm the brains behind all of this, all right?

You're just the meat. And don't you forget it.

You shouldn't be in here.. Sorry, mate, I was...

I was just letting the kid know that the solicitor's arrived.

HE PANTS

This wasn't supposed to happen, not like this.

What do you mean, "supposed"? You all right?

He seems a bit confused, and he's been nauseous.

OK, well, he's had some morphine, but no anti-emetics...

Eddie? Are you all right? Can you hear me?

Me head is... It hurts! What's going on? Your head?

Behind me eyes, all in me head. All right, OK...

let's lie him back..

He's complaining of severe headache and worse nausea.

I thought it might be to do with the shoulder sedation, but...

Eddie, you hear me? I didn't know that it was going to hurt so much.

I didn't want this! HE WHIMPERS

Nobody wants to get run over, Eddie. It was an accident, all right?

Not supposed to go over.

Just under...

Eddie, how did you get the head injury?

HE GROANS

I've really messed this up, ain't I?

He's got some bruising behind his ear. This could be Battle's sign.

Eddie, Eddie...

What did you do?

Has Russell got anything to do with this?

OK, we need a head CT to exclude a basal skull fracture.

EDDIE GROANS All right, this is urgent! Now!

Can't do it any good,

being in a box like this.

Very hardy fish, apparently.

Don't need a lot of water.

Fish that doesn't need water?

Jurek said, in Warsaw at Christmas,

they sell fish out of a barrel in the street.

Stay alive for days.

Yeah, but it's not right, though, is it? Carp in a box.

MACHINE WHIRS

All right, Eddie, we're nearly done.

Right, here we go.

Ohh... He's got a temporal fracture and an extradural.

And he didn't lose consciousness at the RTC?

So we were told. So, how did he get this?

RATTLING

Eddie?!

All right, Eddie, just try and relax for me. Try and stay calm.

Looks a bit peaky to me.

Is it...supposed to swim on its side like that?

Ah, no.

No?

That is not a well fish.

CT was clear.

Can you hold his head in position, please, whilst I release the hook?

Photographs of fish...

What is that?

I've got photographs of Vanessa since like...

Photographs are for family!

Weddings. Christenings. Parties...

Not for fish! Vanessa is family.

JUREK LAUGHS You call fish a family?

I named the fish.

We...named her together.

You know, after Vanessa.

Oh, so, you mean, the little girl in the photos?

English carp fishermen(!)

Very sad men.

Aww. You must be so pleased that your daughter

likes to come fishing with you?

Not... Not...

Ah, well, no, not now,

like boys and shopping and...

TEARFULLY: Leukaemia.

Ahhh, the fish... Bad news, I'm afraid.

It appears to have died.

Divine justice is served.

"Died"? Belly up.

Now,

I can deepfreeze Vanessa.

Unfreeze her for Christmas lunch...

..eat her with my family...

And I send you a photograph, yes? HE WEEPS SOFTLY

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! Hey-hey!

Crazy man!

HE SOBS

My...my.... My chest...! My chest... I did nothing...

He feels clammy. Has this happened before?

Pills...pocket...

Pills for what? For your heart? Beta blocker?

HE PANTS

Fill is slow. Heart rate's going through the roof.

No, there's nothing in here. No, nothing.

OK, Mac, let's get an ECG, and take him in to Resus, please.

OK, all right, all right, mate.

I don't understand. Why is he so upset? It's just a stupid fish.

It's not about the fish.

His daughter was called Vanessa, as well.

Hi, Eddie, you're back with us? What...?

It's me, Jacob.

Scary nurse?

Remember me?

I don't... What?

Eddie, tell me, what happened to you?

Someone hit...me...on my head... I...

You hit me?

No...

I was supposed to go over...

Not under... I'll keep him on strict ten-minute neuro obs.

And I'll speak to the neuro surgeons.

..I had mine shaved number one all over.

Looked like a proper squaddie. How about you?

I dyed mine flame red, when I was 19.

You could see me coming for miles!

Sorry, guys. ..Um, Iain, where on Flood Street

did you find Eddie this morning?

Um, outside the shops. On the zebra. Outside Tariq's? Yeah.

Can I borrow Lofty for 20 minutes? Yeah...?

Thanks.

He's in SVT and he's compromised.

You've had this before?

Go straight for cardioversion.

Do you want some sedation? Start with 50 milligrams of propofol.

MONITORS BEEP RAPIDLY

Bring me an oxygen bottle.

Look, I think, when they're upside down like that, it's curtains.

One oxygen bottle, please.

They are like catfish in a dried-out river bed,

they have strong survival instincts.

They slow down metabolism, they can live on nothing for days.

You're going to administer oxygen...to a carp?

They play dead, they look dead. But they are not dead.

Like hedgehogs.

Bubbles...

If you turn the thing on the top.

More bubbles.

BUBBLING

Yep. Pupils equal and reactive.

Any changes? No.

He said I was his bro, he...

He said I was his bro.

Just... Just look sore.

RETCHING

HE RETCHES

HE SPLUTTERS His GCS is dropping.

Right. Let's, uh... do his blood sugar,

check his VBG,

and get some lorazepam in case he fits again.

Eddie?

Tell me what really happened.

He said he was my friend.

Listen, no friend is going to tell you to jump in front of a car.

HE GROANS He's going again! Oh, he's gone...

SUCTION GURGLES

OK. He's bitten his tongue.

GURGLING

Eddie...

What have you done, hmm?

HE MURMURS IN POLISH

Yup. Tube's in. Good bilateral air entry.

OK, cricoid off. Secure the tube, please.

OK.

Oh, he's blown his left pupil... SHE SIGHS

Must be pressure on the brain stem. Yeah... Heart rate dropped to 40.

BP increasing 200 over 125. OK. Let's nurse him head-up, please.

It's not good. All right, take over. Yeah.

All right, let's get an A line in

and keep an eye on his blood pressure.

Give him some mannitol. I'm going to call theatre.

All right.

THUDDING

RAPID RHYTHM ON MONITOR

Still in SVT... Let's try again. Charge to 150?

DEFIBRILLATOR WHINES

Charging. Clear.

WHINING Shocking.

THUDDING

My mate Tariq's got a load of CCTV camera's outside his shop.

You know what's going to happen when I show this to the police?

Come on now, brother.

You're not showing nothing to no police. I know that.

Now, you ain't listening.

When I show this to the police, and the insurance company,

then your little scam is done. It's over.

You just don't get it, do you...

..Nursey-Nurse?

Look-it here.

Hmm? Go on.

You show that to the police, and what do you think they'll see?

Nah, actually, I'll tell you what they'll see.

They'll see Eddie boy

chucking himself like some stupid little idiot in front of a van.

And I agree with you, man, I mean, doesn't look very good, does it?

But me...? You?

I'm just walking down the street, just talking on my phone.

I mean, that's... That's not a crime, is it?

Nah, I didn't think so.

You're telling him when to jump...

That's not what I see.

And that's definitely not what's on the CCTV.

You show that to the police,

and the only person who's getting in trouble...is Eddie.

It was nice.

It was a nice try, Sherlock.

Respect(!)

HE LAUGHS

We're not going to show it to the police? No.

But they can see how it happened.

Yeah, but they won't see the truth, though, will they?

They will, if we can just... You know, Lofty, just grow up, yeah?

For your own sake!

Just, for one minute, stop acting so flipping naive!

And the oxygen makes the water rich...

And I move her back and forward...

The oxygen bubbles

pass her gills...

and... SPLASHING

It's alive!

Just like Houdini...

A dead fish is no longer a dead fish.

Stupid carp.

'Heart rate back down.'

Blood pressure back up.

Hey, you had us worried for a minute there.

And good news...

Carp is not dead.

Vanessa is fine. HE SIGHS

MONITORS BEEP

CRASHING

SCUFFLING

Jacob!

Back off!

SCUFFLING, PANTING

Look at him!

Hm? Look at him!

LOOK AT HIM!

You see what you've done? Hm?

We're going to have to take him up to theatre,

drill a hole into his skull... SCUFFLING

Come here! RUSSELL WINCES

..have a blood clot drained from his brain.

You know what, you need to get off of me. This is on you, you know?

People, you need to get your nursey friend off of me now!

Look at what you've done to him!

LOOK AT HIM, MAN!

Doesn't it make you think of something?

PANTING

Yeah...

Yeah, it does.

HE PANTS

It does.

Makes me think it's about time I found myself another Eddie...

SCUFFLING Jacob!

No. No. Don't do it.

JACOB BREATHES RAGGEDLY Jacob. Jacob. Don't.

Jacob, look at me. HE PANTS

Look at me. Look at me.

Look at me. Don't do it. Don't...

OK, don't do it.

HE SIGHS, SCUFFLES

ALL PANT

Get out.

GET OUT!

Right, gentlemen.

So, your presence here is entirely your own decision

and contrary to the recommendations of the ED doctors.

Just let them have a moment! That's what they said I had to say!

HE GROANS I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Good.

SPLASHING

SNIFFING

You happy now?

Thank you.

So, my family has to eat turkey at Christmas...

..unless I catch a swan.

A joke.

Maybe you join us?

Well, our club's got a fishing match on Saturday...

Why don't you enter?

Maybe.

If you promise me one thing.

If I win,

you don't start crying like a little baby.

HE CHUCKLES

Mrs Beauchamp, about Dr Munroe...

Yes. I heard she did well again today.

She is very versatile and confident.

Yes, and she gets on with everyone,

so I was thinking we should encourage her

to sit her exams as soon as possible.

Oh, yes...

You don't sound convinced.

"Overconfident, I would probably say. Oh?

She's very capable, but I've seen more than one example

of her acting beyond her area of competence.

Anything I need to be concerned about? Yes.

Well, I respect your opinion, so it's food for thought.

Thank you for your candour. I didn't mean to, um... Yes?

Ah! Mrs Beauchamp. How's the dracaena?

Fine. Thank you.

And have you had a chance to look at dates? For? My MCEM.

I'm definitely keen to just get cracking as soon as possible.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, OK? Oh! But I thought...

Yeah, one day you might want shoes like that.

So, you can stomp over men's hearts

and make them feel weak and stupid.

Or you might just want to ride ponies and live in a treehouse

and be Daddy's little girl for ever and ever and ever and ever...

You know I got shot, right?

Well, I want a name.

Armed Response.

Man who pulled the trigger.

Let's have a house party! We are not having a house party.

I don't want people having sex in my bedroom.

A policy you've stuck to for the last year.

Life for Josh never runs smoothly...

Do you know, you were the only boy we ever let come on sleepovers.