Roadman Casualty

No way.

Who did you wind up to get that gig?

-Nobody. I volunteered.

-What?!

Are you on a death wish?

Got ya. Clip.

Elle... They're kicking lumps out of each other.

You got gang fights, teachers being attacked...

Charge Nurse Masters, could you please hold this clamp?

All right.

-Actually, my son goes to that school.

-Which one?

-Blake.

Don't you like him?

HIP-HOP PLAYING

LAUGHING AND CHATTER

-So is everyone ready, yeah? Yeah?

-Yeah, ready. Ready, ready.

What, fam? Chat about the ting.

Thinking you can hide from man?

Get at the ends and then we'll see what gwaning, innit?

Or is my man too busy keeping his crackhead mum

-out the back of dem cars?

-LAUGHTER

So what is it, you want to toughen him up?

-Don't you have a shift to finish?

-It's a non-clinical day.

But why'd you put him in that school? You could afford not to.

Because I actually believe in the welfare state,

I don't want any of my boys to have a privileged ride.

You and I, we went to state schools. We did all right,

although sometimes you can be a right royal pain in the...glutes.

HE CHUCKLES

No way.

-What?

-I didn't know she was into all of that.

Ooh.

I thought religious people

were supposed to be, you know, calm and happy?

HE GIGGLES

I can hear you.

You're like two school kids.

-We were just surprised, that's all.

-At what?

You know. You being all pious.

What, a person can't be religious?

-It's 2017.

-And?

Well, you skulking about, hiding from your work colleagues -

-suggests a level of embarrassment, that's all.

-I am not embarrassed!

Not exactly out and proud though, are you? I don't blame you!

The hypocrisy is everywhere.

-You want to get off your soap box, Elle?

-Huh?

-Jacob?

-Yeah, coming.

-No, actually, you are going.

-What?

-Duffy's waiting on social services.

-So?

-Duffy was supposed to be coming with me.

No, no, no, no, no.

She said... "Remember the shift swap last Thursday and Friday."

-Come on, guys, that's not going to fly.

-Ah! AND...

New Year's Eve, she got you in a taxi

and you said you owed her big time.

This way, dear.

Looby Lou, can you start the OD in cubicle six on half hourly obs?

-She's a frequent flyer and Dylan wants her out soon as.

-Yeah.

And we think we've got all of her stash,

but don't let her out of your sight, because she can be a bit crafty.

-You OK?

-Yeah.

-OK.

What is that?

HORN TOOTS

Listen, when you go to a museum,

-you can't just steal the exhibits.

-Eh, nothing wrong with old Betty.

Josh, she's got more miles on the clock than you.

Oh, you should be a stand-up comic.

So, how's life behind a desk?

Well, I'm here. That speaks volumes.

What you doing with this one?

Career talk at the high school.

Well, as long as it's not active duty.

Not you. Plenty of life in you.

Really? You try tying shoelaces with these hips.

That's where you're going wrong. Try using your hands.

-RADIO:

-3006, emergency at Colton Avenue.

-3006, receiving. See you later.

-OK.

Come on, then, old girl. Let's get ready.

BELL RINGS

Three more weeks, four more days.

Then it's St Abigail's for me.

Oh, put in a good word. Please, Susan!

Ooh! Called timing, that, sir.

Come on, gimme your number. It'll be a good yat.

Bit rapey, that, B.

And what's that to you?

I've moved on.

Move on from this.

Jacob, they are just children.

-Why can't you two just talk?

-No, you are a great role model.

Just tell them how you changed your life around.

-I don't want to!

-I know.

Not keen on public speaking, then?

Not my favourite thing, no.

Watch out for the spider.

Where? SHE LAUGHS

-I'm off home.

-Hey, no, OK, OK, I'm sorry.

Sorry for the delay, chaps. I'll be one minute.

You know, when we get back, I think you should apologise to Louise.

-Why?

-Because you offended her, that's why!

Oh, come on, anyone who believes in some divine intervention, really?

Never discuss politics and religion with colleagues.

-Ain't that right, Josh?

-Well...

I always think it's best to believe in God.

Think about it.

If you believe, you get to heaven when you die.

And if it turns out there wasn't a God, you'll never know.

Yeah. I like that logic. Nice one, Josh.

I'm surrounded by fools. Uh-uh-uh-uh...

Shotgun.

Fine.

Right, let's go.

What?

Right, phones away.

-Continue with the test.

-PHONES BEEPING

Anyone who finished it, we've got last year's exam paper for you here.

Don't all rush at once.

Yes, Miss, looking bum.

You're late, Bruno.

Not by my watch, Miss.

Don't forget - careers talk, next period.

You might actually learn something.

-Not much work going on.

-Going to get to work soon, Miss.

Georgie?

Georgie, come talk to me outside, please?

-She watched a bad movie, Miss.

-LAUGHTER

-SHE YELLS

-Easy!

-Sit down! Sit down! Everyone stay seated!

-I'll kill you!

-You're dead!

-Assistance to 303, quickly please.

She went for me. Something mad.

Quiet!

Get them out! Especially him!

Come on. Shift! Out! Quickly.

Where's this?

Holby City Emergency Department.

Where's my stuff?

It's probably best if you don't move.

-Get me the plastic bag with my things in.

-Please?

Yeah, pretty please with a bow on it.

How are you feeling?

Straight.

Where have they put my stash?

In the bin, I imagine.

-What? What for?

-Cos we can't have drugs in the ED.

Can I take your blood pressure, please?

-Can you get a doc to discharge me?

-Yes.

Then knock yourself out.

Need to see a man about a horse.

-INTERCOM:

-Have you a code?

No, I don't know about a code.

-The headteacher invited us here though.

-Name?

It's still Josh Griffiths.

He probably thinks you've come to cause some beef.

Thank you. It's like Fort Knox.

Yeah, but that's to keep the students in.

Yeah, well, treat kids like animals, that's how they'll behave.

This is a good school

and my beautiful boy is not an animal, thank you very much.

Hi, I'm Susan Conway.

Thank you for being so quick. She's this way.

I think her ankle's broken.

-OK.

-OK.

Listen up, real talk.

Today, I'm going to do a ting I said I'd never.

Today, man dem going back to school.

You get me, younger?

I'm going to have me a fresh cut,

then I'm going to come and see you.

Real soon, innit?

OK, that's stopped the bleed.

Just hold it there, lovely. Thank you.

You OK?

Wall of silence. You get used to it.

SHE GASPS IN PAIN Sorry.

That's actually a good thing.

Ottawa negative, no need for an X-ray.

OK, it's a pretty bad sprain, so you need to rest it.

Keep it elevated and let's get some ice on, OK?

Right. There's some cool packs here.

-Are we not going to the hospital?

-Oh, there's no need for a sprain.

Could have done with the break.

Actually, we're supposed to be talking to the Year 12s.

Although we'll understand if it's cancelled now.

No, it's on. This way.

This way!

I'll just stay here, then?

This is it.

Better turnout than I thought.

You can start now, Miss. Man dem here, innit.

Just sit down.

I will find out what you did.

Don't be getting jel when you do.

Ugh!

You're always having a go at me for being late.

We've been working, you cheeky monkey. Can I give you a hug?

All right.

-You OK, Jacob?

-Oh, he's fine. You sit down, no heckling.

Or I'll tell them all about your bad habits.

-I've got tings on you.

-"Tings"?

Don't start.

Come on, pudding. Let's get this done.

Just keep it elevated, OK?

-There she is. Dirty girl.

-Sket!

GIGGLING

You know...

..it's been noted many times that I'm a very good listener.

You ain't supposed to be on your own with a student.

-No?

-No, I could make anything up. You ain't got proof.

Well, then, I'll fetch a teacher through

and we'll get you to a comfy chair, OK?

The OD patient...

I've just took a really weird phone call.

Some woman from a refugee charity, was asking for Cal.

Apparently, he was helping raise money.

Going to go to a camp with supplies.

-Cal?

-Caleb Knight.

-She was probably pretty and blonde.

-Yeah.

-Is Cass ready to be discharged?

-No.

She's going to start withdrawing soon, Louise,

and none of us want to be around that.

I was thinking we could call in drug services?

She has been on more programmes than Ant and Dec.

We should still try to help.

I just think some people don't want helping.

But they're the ones that need it the most.

OK.

Thanks.

Which is why I chose Emergency Medicine,

to be on the front line.

Now it may not be as glamorous as, say, a heart surgeon,

but it is just as rewarding.

OK, er... Thank you for listening.

HALF-HEARTED APPLAUSE

Thank you, Dr Gardner. Any questions?

Ain't no future doctors here. Just patients, innit?

LAUGHTER

-Blake?

-Mum, tell them where you went to school.

BOY: That's Blake's mum.

I attended a very similar school to this.

Now I realise things have changed,

but probably not as much as you think.

And as with everything else, you get out what you put in.

And, erm...what are you burning for dinner tonight?

LAUGHTER

Blake Gardner pooed in the bath till he was seven years old.

We had to get a shower installed...

She's had your life, bro!

Well, thank you for that, Blake.

Two more speakers.

-Josh is next.

-Except Josh isn't here. Get on the stage, Jacob.

SHE MOUTHS

-WOLF-WHISTLE

-He looks like AJ's brother!

Cuz, we ain't got no beef with you.

Bruno, one more outburst and you're in isolation for the week.

Hi.

My name is...

..Jacob Masters.

Questions after.

No, it's fine, go on.

You doctors linking them nursey tings?

GUFFAWING

No, actually...

..I'm a Clinical Nurse Manager in the ED.

And this is a nurse's uniform.

Oh, my gosh! You a nursey?!

That's right, young man.

In fact, there are plenty of male nurses.

Welcome to the 21st century.

Mr Clarke, please escort Bruno to isolation.

I'm gone, man. I'm not listening to no queer.

I am so sorry.

It's fine. It's no problem.

Any other questions?

THEY SIGH

I pay my way, Sal!

Come on, jildy. I've got no credit left.

I'm...

Sal? Sal?!

So, we're going to keep you in.

You'll have more luck stopping the tide.

That's going to bleed.

Doesn't bother a junkie who's hurting.

So maybe we can give you something for that.

As long as I agree to a meeting with the rehab posse?

Just stay for now.

This might not come as a surprise but you're not in good shape.

You nearly died last night.

I'm dying every night.

I'll get some diazepam for you.

Thought they'd given up on me in here.

-Well, I ain't.

-Why not?

I feel like being a Good Samaritan.

-Good Samaritan?

-Yes?

They sell phone credit here?

-Is he a new friend?

-Bruno's not that bad.

Tell Jacob that whilst you apologise to him.

-What am I apologising for?

-He was rude, your friend!

You sent me here.

And that's fine.

But I have to fit in and Bruno's the sort of man you need on your side.

My grades are good. I never get in trouble.

I'm just trying to get by.

He's never invited to our house. OK?

WINCING

Georgie?

Georgie!

SHE SOBS

Right.

OK.

Yeah.

We need to get it checked over at the hospital, my love.

You've made it much worse.

It can't get any worse.

Right, look, we're leaving now. Let me take you in, eh?

I'll clear it with your teacher.

You shouldn't be going home on your own.

Is there going to be trouble?

Nah.

-They're someone's mates, waiting for break.

-Come on.

Nice and slow. Nice and slow.

He's got troubles at home as well.

Not that that's an excuse.

Blake, we've all got troubles.

Your boy just needs to be a grown-up.

That's the problem though, isn't it?

They're not quite there yet.

We've got a plus one.

And someone needs to let the school know.

-On it.

-Georgie?

Did you know?

Know what?

-You said he wasn't like that.

-You said he was into me.

-I didn't know.

-Know what, Blake?

That his boy was planning on filming it

and stuck it all over the internet.

Filming what?

You know that's me done now? My mum is going to see that.

Thanks for helping Bruno ruin my life!

-No-one forced you.

-Blake!

BELL RINGS

Wait!

Did you know?

No, Mum.

Don't you walk away from me, Blake! Blake!

Thanks...

-That should touch the side.

-No problem.

You not got other patients to treat?

I want to know, is there anything I can do for you?

Any help I can get you?

-Another ten of diazi would help.

-No.

Sorry.

I don't know what you're going through,

but I've been in bad places myself,

and we always need people to help us out.

-Who helped you?

-Friends.

From church.

It helped me.

You think God cares what I do?

It's not so much that, it's more...

having people who want to help, support each other.

He cares though.

Thank you, love.

You know how long it's been since anyone cared what I did?

God bless you.

-Blake. Blake!

-Stop following me.

Baby...

Baby, I don't think you realise how much trouble you're in.

I was just being a wingman. I had no idea he was filming it.

That's it. I'm done with him.

I'm going to inform...

-I'm going to inform the police.

-What, you trying to get me killed?

-Don't exaggerate.

-Look, school isn't like it was for you!

OK? There are bad men here.

None of that "just a boy" stuff.

Everything you do goes online.

Let Georgie deal with it.

Is it really that bad here? I mean...?

I don't tell you half of it.

Right, enjoy the rest of your day.

Yeah, you too, mate.

Have you not been paying attention?

Yo!

-What you going to do?

-I ain't going to do nothing.

You're you. You be light work.

Yeah, I hear dem threats, but I feel no punch.

You need to calm yourself down, you know, and show some respect.

-I hear that a lot too.

-Then listen!

-You don't know me.

You don't know anything about my life.

I don't have to listen to nothing.

So what? Truth hurts, does it?

Come then, nursey. Lay some truth on me.

You might want to get this.

I'm going to be famous.

This ends with either you in prison or in the ground.

-Trust me, I done seen it.

-What you seen?

All right, one of my bredrens, yeah?

Me and him were tight.

I mean, this guy was like my brother, you understand?

Yeah, he was deep in the game.

And now I visit him every year in the graveyard.

That's no more nightclubs. No more moving to gyal.

Man can't see his yout's, can't spend no time with his family.

Everyting just lock off. Done!

All dem years, gone.

-Man was sloppy, innit?

-What?

Talk sideways about my bredren again and this'll get messy.

Stop pressing buttons.

Because someday, you're going to meet somebody stupider than you

that's going to go too far.

HE SNORTS

What?

Hey, let me tell you something...

I wish you'd told me.

Look, Bruno does realise that no girl

will ever go near him again, doesn't he?

-I wish that was true, Mum.

-JACOB: I ain't done with you yet.

Yo! You walk away when I'm done with you. You see?

You understand? Now, listen!

Move on, nursey. What, trying to link me?

What? Listen, if I was that way inclined, yeah,

you'd be the last in line, all right?

Does he not have an off switch?

HE LAUGHS

Told you, cuz!

Blake?!

OK, Oh, God. Blake, can you hear me?

Come on, man.

Come on, man. Come on, son. Come on.

Some coward ting, come then! Me and you!

What you saying now?

-He's coming back.

-It's OK, baby.

-Mummy's here.

-He's coming around, he's coming around.

I swear to you, I'm going to kill them all! All of them.

Fam, listen to me, yeah? I am going to sort this out...

Don't you dare! You keep away from him!

OK, it will all right.

OK, Blake. I need you to stay still for me.

-Go get Josh to call an ambulance, please.

-All right.

All right, baby. I'm right here. You stay still now. It's OK.

It's OK, sweetie, it's OK.

Jake! Leave.

-Can I please stay with him?

-No!

-Please.

-No.

It's OK, baby. Jacob!

I got you.

It'll be fine.

Do you know what the capital of Estonia is?

Second letter A or Y.

Those guys in the car...?

Yeah. The "friends".

They...

Blake's been attacked. Ring for an ambulance.

What do you think we're sat in, Scotch mist?

SCREAMING AND YELLING

-Miss?

-Stairway in English department, urgent assistance.

Miss, wait! You ain't seen what they done.

-I'm going to get my boys...

-Stay away from me, Bruno.

-They got Blake!

-What?

Some coward ting, Miss. His mum's taking him to hospital.

Miss, my boy is hurt. Please?

I'm going to be mad.

A student's been attacked on the grounds. Phone the police.

Again? Where am I taking him?

I'm getting him out of here before he causes more trouble.

Come on.

Thanks. Ready. On three. One, two, three.

Thank you.

Josh? This vehicle, it is fit for purpose, yeah?

Well, it's either this or a half hour wait.

Fractured zygoma.

Josh, call it in, please.

Yeah, will do.

You all right, Blake?

-Can you hear me? Can you tell me where you are, Blake?

-Ambulance.

That's now a running call. Can you inform Holby City ED...

-He's getting there.

-It's OK, sweetie, we've got you.

..with facial injuries following an assault.

-Feel this?

-SIREN

That's quite a bump you got there, mate.

Feels like you've got a second head growing.

-What happened?

-A coward hit you from behind.

Jacob?

Josh, how steady can you keep this thing?

Betty is not a thing.

We're reinserting an incisor now while it's still viable.

Then steady as a rock.

Blake?

Now, we want to keep that lovely smile, now, don't we?

All right.

Try and relax, all right?

There we go.

That's it.

Do you know who attacked him?

Should have been me.

Blake was just in the background on the video.

-No point in asking if you'll make a statement?

-No grass, Miss.

They won't want me here.

If you're at school, you'll rile them all up.

We'll have a riot on our hands.

So it's not cos you care?

I remember you in Year 7.

Cheeky little cutie.

We all thought you were going to be a great student.

Now, you probably won't even finish education.

I can only watch so much talent go to waste before I stop caring.

You'll like it better in that posh school.

Less hassle, innit?

STARTS ENGINE

-Alicia, where's Dylan?

-He's in resus.

-Then this is your next patient.

-Why can't you...?

-He's my son.

OK, this is Blake Gardner, 16.

About 10:15, he was struck in the face with a knuckleduster.

Hit his head when he fell, KO'd for three seconds.

Query fractured zygoma.

He also had an incisor knocked out.

That was re-inserted en route and he's got a deep lip laceration.

GCS was 14 at scene...

-How you feeling, Cass?

-You been praying for me?

Lou, I'm going to need you here. Elle's son's been attacked.

-Depressed zygoma, possible head injury. Can you assist?

-Yeah.

Why me?

Because I'm too angry.

I'll book him in and I'll ring the police.

You all right, Cass? Back so soon?

I'll go as soon as I've done her obs.

OK, please, just look after Blake for me, OK?

Yeah, as soon as I'm done here.

It's OK. Shh, shh... I've got you. It's OK.

OK, can you let me know soon as, please? Thanks.

-Thanks, Lou.

-No problem.

-Our scanner is out of action.

-What?!

The main CT in X-ray will be clear soon.

-We're looking at about an hour.

-No, no, no, his CT's a priority.

We need to get him in now.

I'm not sure you can pull rank and jump a queue, Dr Gardner.

-Why not?

-Mum, you taught me better than that.

This cut has crossed the vermillion border.

I could stitch it while we wait?

I'm better than the plastics lot.

OK.

Sweetie, we're going to take care of you down here.

-So which one are you, then?

-Blake.

-Right, Blake.

Scars are so last season, so let's get this done, yeah?

-TEARFULLY: He could have killed me.

-Hey, hey, hey.

-It's OK.

-HE SOBS

I got you. It's OK. Shh, shh...

It's OK, lovely. Shh.

OK.

Stay still for me, Blake.

OK, thanks.

Right, I've left a message with your mum.

They're going to X-ray your ankle

cos goodness knows what mischief you've caused walking on it.

Do you want some pain relief?

Feels like the end of the world.

No, there's always new beginnings,

that I know for sure.

And how do you know that?

You got your life all over the internet for everyone to see?

I can barely text.

Years ago now, there was a house fire.

I lost my family...

No, listen.

I thought for a long, long time that that was it.

Game over.

But I promise you, things change.

And what seemed like the end of the world...

..now it's just a big bump in the road.

Might not help you today...

but remember that, eh?

Dratted ting.

-Come on.

-You brought any grapes?

-What was that?

-Just some crackhead chat.

-Wait.

-Leave it, Miss.

-Look!

CT are ready.

-So am I.

-Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

-Look, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.

-Oh, Jacob...

You didn't hear the crack as his head hit the floor.

I'm afraid I did.

Blake's your kid.

Means he'll have a thick skull.

Please, patient out here, having a fit.

We've got him.

What's she had?

Heroin addict. Lou gave her ten of diazepam an hour ago.

Huh. Well, she's had a lot more than that.

She's a frequent flyer, the staff should know her tricks by now.

Can you hear me, Cassie? You want to tell me what you have taken?

Mmm?

Dollies.

Get out!

-She has dollies sewn into her coats.

-What?

Tramadol?

Elle, it's tramadol.

OK, IV lorazepam, please.

Don't.

So did you get to the bottom of that Cal charity thing?

Yes, I looked up the organiser.

-Good-looking and blonde?

-Brunette actually.

You OK, Blake?

-I can't see properly.

-Hang on a second. Say that again?

Like there's a curtain. I can't see out here.

OK, close your eyes for me, Blake.

OK and open.

Yeah, it's proptosis.

We need to get him back. Quick as we can, please.

Your mum?

She'll be OK. Thanks for the information.

Sorry.

Say again?

I'm sorry.

Dr Gardner. There's a complication with Blake.

Jacob, what happened?

Secret stash. But it's fine now, Lou.

How is he?

He's taken a big hit off the floor.

I think he'll be fine but we need to check for internal damage.

Brain damage?

Why did they go after him?

Scares you more if they take out your boys first.

-How old are you Bruno?

-17.

You know it scares me that you know that.

But I'm sorry too.

I thought I knew you.

Things have gotten tougher, eh?

Jacob...

There's visual loss and proptosis.

Alicia is about to perform a lateral canthotomy.

-Lou, can you stay on Cassie, please?

-Yeah.

Right, come on. Come on.

Sorry, Elle, I know we wanted CT.

It's OK, he's stable.

This is a priority.

-I can do this if...

-No, Alicia has got this.

Can't see out that eye, Mum.

I know.

Dr Munroe is about to fix it. Be brave.

That's what got me into this mess in the first place.

Which is why I'm taking you out of that school.

-I don't want my son...

-Mum, stop.

It's OK.

I leave soon.

Earlier today, a friend told me I'd be better off believing in you.

Although I'm not sure you'd approve of his reasoning but...

OK.

CLEARS THROAT

Dear God,

could you please...?

Could you please let my boy be all right?

Please.

Please.

Please.

SHE SOBS

-WHISPERING:

-Please, please...

Please...

Miss, can I ask you a favour?

We need to go somewhere quiet.

-B?

-He'll be back.

Dratted boy.

-You got kids?

-No.

Don't bother.

Don't think I am going to take advice from you.

What happened to the Good Samaritan?

You were just humouring me.

Yeah.

I'm far down a path.

I look behind me and it's a long, long way back to what I was.

I can't be bothered with that.

I'm just going to keep going.

That's very uplifting(!)

But there's people want to be helped, that's what I'm saying.

Don't be down on that cos of me.

PHONE BEEPING

So real talk now, no messing.

My man knows who I'm talking to here.

I'm just a schoolboy with a big mouth that think he's a roadman.

You went for my friend instead of me, I get that.

But it's me that started this,

and if you go for any more of my boys,

I'll tell police everything. I ain't bothered what that makes me.

It's time to fix things, not break them.

Which brings me on to the worst thing I done today...

The worst thing I've done, period.

Georgie...

Here's the truth. I like you...a lot.

Man's been on you for time.

The thing is, I know you're out of my league.

A girl like that ain't going to stay around me for long,

so I did that ting...

Miss, what's that saying when you cut nose off?

-Cutting off your nose to spite your face?

-Yeah, that!

I tried to get in there before you found out what a fraud I was

with the crackhead mum an' the dirty house and that.

I hate myself for that.

I'm going to go and tell the police everything, but before I go...

..I thought I'd give them something new to talk about.

When all the cows were sleeping and the sun had gone to bed,

up jumped the scarecrow and this is what he said...

"I'm a dingly-dangly scarecrow with a flippy-floppy hat.

"I can shake my hands like this and shake my feet like that!"

Have you seen Elle?

I think we should do it.

-Do what?

-The refugee run for Cal.

-I thought his motives were dodgy?

-But his intentions were right.

There are people that want helping and we can do it in his name.

Knights To The Rescue?

Nice.

I've got a mate, he prints posters. I'll give him a call.

Have I put my phone down here?

Results?

-They're in, I've not looked yet.

-Have you guys seen Elle?

I've looked everywhere, she's not answering her phone.

-Results on here?

-Mm-hm.

I'll find her.

OK.

There's your street cred gone.

That posh new school's going to be lucky to have you, Miss.

Yeah.

How did you know?

It's where everyone comes.

You must think I'm such a hypocrite.

Trying to be less judgmental these days.

Thank you.

They're moving him up to theatre now.

-QUIETLY:

-Thank you.

Discharged herself.

Fancy a drink?

Nah... Not now.

Aw, bless it.

Does it need a cup of cocoa after its bath?

I'll have you know that Betty was called into action today

and performed brilliantly.

Oh, yeah? Why what did you do?

Comatose one of your students with your talk?

Have you got a gig at the comedy stall tonight?

No, just a date with half a dozen pints of lager.

-You joining?

-Bit weary.

Maybe it's you that needs the cocoa.

-Excuse me?

-Yes, love?

-I didn't get your name.

-It's Josh.

-Thank you.

-No need.

What's all that about?

Just doing my job.

Right. I'll go and put some milk on the hob.

Two cups.