Episode 2 Death in Paradise

GROANING

You ugly sons of bitches want a fight? You got one.

CUT! Cut! Cut.

We're doing another take, right?

I'm not happy with the camera blocking.

Tell me, Carl, when are you ever completely happy?

At the end of the day, with a pint in my hand.

OK, everyone, we're going to have one more rehearsal,

-then we're going to go for a take. Thanks!

-No probs.

Susie, tea, please. Milk, two sugars.

-Milk, two sugars.

-Oh, and will you fetch the stand-in?

-No probs.

Carl, I don't mind rehearsing.

Lexi, we have a stand-in for a reason. You go and rest up.

Anyone would think you didn't want me around.

Maybe give you a chance to learn your lines.

MAN READS OUT TYPED WORDS

Chance'd be a bloody fine thing.

-Great, Thea. You know what you're doing?

-Yep.

Good, OK. You run up this street here...

-Mm-hm.

-Yeah? Dead end.

-Yep.

-Zombies attack. Got it?

-OK. Got it.

-Nice one.

OK, everyone, let's get this show on the road!

Those things, those monsters, they don't care about our future.

They'll just... They don't care about our future,

they'll just keep going, they'll just... they'll just....

How are the rewrites going?

Slow and agonisingly painful. Like root canal surgery.

Always so upbeat, Arnie. It'll be worth it in the end.

Action.

Those things, those monsters, they don't care about our future,

they'll just... They'll just...

Keep devouring us.

..keep devouring us and they won't stop until we're dead.

Milk, one sugar.

-I asked for milk, two sugars.

-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot.

And this is coffee, not tea.

Tea, milk, one sugar.

-Two sugars.

-Two sugars!

The day she's satisfied is the day she dies.

That's it! Good. Nice.

You ugly sons of bitches...

Don't worry, keep going. Keep going.

Thea?

-Thea?

-Can somebody get some water?

Thea?

Something's wrong! Call an ambulance! Quickly!

Thea, can you hear me? Thea! Can you hear me? Thea!

MUSIC: "You Can Get It If You Really Want" by Jimmy Cliff

# You can get it if you really want

# You can get it if you really want

# But you must try, try, try, try

# Try and try

# You'll succeed at last. #

"Always read the instructions, Harry." Sally drummed it into me.

Ever since the great shelving collapse of 2003.

Who needs instructions? How hard can it be?

So we plough on regardless, and invariably...end up bleeding.

Not entirely unlike my marriage, it seems.

Though I can't really put a sticking plaster on that, can I?

Right!

Get rid of this!

"Do not cut the excess rope."

Ah.

MOBILE RINGS

Camille!

No, just doing a spot of DIY.

You do DIY?

I potter. I dabble. I tinker.

-You don't strike me as the DIY type.

-What makes you say that?

Two reasons. One, you use words like "tinker". And two...

-Bit of a ruckus with an A-frame.

-Mm-hmm. I think the A-frame won.

Thea Homes, stand-in on a movie set, 27.

She collapsed during rehearsal.

She was unconscious, but still had a pulse.

She was sweating badly. Her pupils were fixed and dilated.

-So she was still alive?

-For a short while, yes.

But then her heart stopped.

Something must have caused the paralysis of the muscles.

Here, look. Lack of oxygen to the skin.

-Respiratory failure?

-The lips are also blue.

She was poisoned. By something extremely toxic.

Do we know what she's had to eat or drink this morning?

No, we don't, but all food is served back at the film base.

Cast and crew have all their meals on set.

They get brought from the hotel at six.

Breakfast hadn't been served yet,

but there were drinks and snacks available.

People have been in and out all day. Thea included.

-No-one else was taken ill?

-Nope, no-one.

-How many cast and crew?

-50. Or thereabouts.

Chocolates, coffee, fruit.

Dwayne, would you mind getting everything bagged up

and sent for testing? And check where Thea was staying -

-search her room.

-I'll get my things.

Why would anyone want to kill a lowly stand-in?

Thea, she was a sweet girl. Quiet. Always did what she was told -

makes my job a hell of a lot easier.

Can you think of any reason why someone might want to kill her?

-None at all.

-Did she have any friends, acquaintances?

-Lexi.

-Lexi?

Lexi Cunningham, she's our lead actress.

Her and Thea were pals from school.

Oh, they were close?

Yeah, thick as thieves. Lexi's the reason Thea's out here.

Got her the job.

They were pretty much inseparable.

You must be starving.

Ah, you angel. I'll pay you back.

No, no, it's all right. I'll put it on the tab.

I got the impression that Lexi felt sorry for her.

-What makes you say that?

-Just the way she was with Thea.

You know, protective. Always looking out for her.

Ask her yourself - she's over there.

Thank you.

We used to play out on our bikes all the time.

We were best friends, right up until I went off to drama school.

We kept in touch, but she got in with a bad crowd.

Drinking and drugs.

Few years later, I'm on tour with this awful play

and I get a call in the middle of the night.

She'd been arrested.

Arrested? For what?

Mugging. It went wrong. A man died.

One stupid moment, and her whole life changed.

She got out a few months back.

And she came all the way to the Caribbean to see you?

I just figured she deserved a break. It's my fault, isn't it?

It's my fault she was out here.

A stand-in is killed after only a few weeks on a film set.

She's well liked, quiet. Why?

She went to prison. Maybe it has to do with her past.

-Yes, if we could get a copy of Thea's criminal record...

-Yes.

Oh, sir!

No harm done.

CRASH!

-Would you like me to start interviewing?

-If you would, Fidel.

About time we broke the news to her family.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, Mrs Homes. Yes, absolutely.

We'll be in touch. Bye-bye.

How did she take it?

Cool as a cucumber. Rather reluctant to talk about her daughter.

Haven't spoken since she went to prison.

-Anything in her room?

-Not much.

Wow, she travelled light.

-It seems like she didn't intend to stay long.

-Mmm.

-Er, sir?

-Hmm?

-Preliminary autopsy results.

-Poisoning?

-Respiratory failure from 8mg of tetrodotoxin.

-That's puffer fish poison.

-Puffer fish?

-Yes!

The effects take a while to kick in.

They estimate that she was poisoned around an hour before.

She had to have been poisoned on set. Anything else of note?

The only food in her stomach was a small amount of chocolate.

Chocolate and cherry.

The chocolates from the food tent. They were poisoned?

Nonsense! Rather, it makes no sense. All of the chocolates were eaten,

yet no-one else died.

So, it seems that only one from the entire box was poisoned.

Just the one Thea ate.

Yes, just that one.

-Camille, one question.

-Yes.

Who put those chocolates there, to what end,

and why only one poisoned chocolate?

That's three questions.

If you are only going to poison one chocolate in a box of twenty,

why choose the cherry?

Maybe the killer knew cherry was Thea's favourite?

Bit risky, though - anyone could have eaten it.

-Hook-a-duck.

-What-a-what?

Hook-a-duck.

Every summer when I was growing up,

a funfair would pitch up on the village green.

There'd be a carousel and a ghost train and hook-a-duck.

It's those little rubber ducks bobbing around on a paddling pool.

You had to try and hook them with a little fishing rod and if you got

the one with the star on its bottom, you won the most fantastic prize.

-A-ha, what was the prize?

-A goldfish.

-A goldfish.

In a plastic bag.

You had a very dull childhood, didn't you?

-Every year, I'd hook a duck...

-No star?

-Not once.

How is that at all relevant?

Probability. See, the odds were stacked against me.

As are the odds stacked against the murderer

killing his intended victim. There's too much chance involved.

-Thea could've eaten any chocolate.

-Precisely.

Mr Collins. Sorry to bother you.

Your catering. Who provides it?

Er, we hire a local company. They, they do everything.

-Ooh, perfect, thanks, Susie.

-No probs.

Why do you ask?

Did they provide you with those rather expensive looking chocolates?

No. I put them out. When I arrived this morning around six, they were

outside Lexi's tent. Lexi arrived just as I did.

These must be for you.

Oh, why do they do this to me? Take them, seriously,

or I'll eat the lot.

The production company send her gifts all the time.

She didn't want the temptation, so I put them out

for everyone to share.

The crew are like gannets. They'll eat anything.

Sorry, just to clarify.

-The chocolates were never meant to be eaten by the crew?

-No.

-They were only intended for Lexi?

-Yeah, that's right.

-Where's Lexi now?

-In her tent.

Sorry, have I missed something?

-Thea was never the intended victim.

-Lexi Cunningham was.

-You have security, I take it?

-Yeah, 24/7.

Check with security,

see if they can shed any light on where those chocolates came from.

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

I thought they were from production.

One minute they're telling me I've put on too much weight,

the next, they're sending me chocolates. They were poisoned?

Only one. May I ask - which would be your first choice?

The cherry one.

That was the one, wasn't it?

Forgive me, but is there anyone you can imagine who'd want to harm you?

-No.

-So you haven't felt threatened by anyone?

-No.

What about the other night?

Well, that was just me being paranoid.

We came back from filming, my door was open...

Did you lock up?

Yeah, I'm sure I did.

Some of my things had been moved around.

-Was anything missing?

-Nothing.

At first I thought it was the maid having a bit of a nose,

but then I got freaked out.

She didn't want to stay there after that so we swapped rooms.

You really mean it, don't you?

You think someone's trying to kill me.

The zombie's are strangling the life from her...

Whoever tried to kill Lexi is still out there.

What if they try again?

That won't happen, Mr Collins. We'll make sure of it.

Carl, ready for a take.

-Excuse me.

-Mm-hm.

We should get Dwayne and Fidel down here.

And check with the hotel -

see if we can find out who let themselves into Lexi's room.

Any luck with security?

All deliveries have to go there first.

No box of chocolate was delivered for Lexi.

-So, someone on this set put them there.

-Yes.

Carl said he saw the chocolate outside Lexi's tent at 6am.

Everyone has to sign in when they arrive,

but only three people were in before six yesterday.

Susie, the runner.

Arnold Finch, the writer...

..and Carl Collins.

Mm-hm. Any one of them could've witnessed

-who put the chocolates there...

-Or put them there themselves, yeah.

I don't have much to do with Lexi, to be honest.

I write the lines, she says them. Good actress.

Little bit rough around the edges, maybe.

Little bit...unpolished.

But she's still honing her craft.

I trust your craft is well and truly honed.

I hope so. I've been doing it for 30 years.

Do you know the film Code Red?

Yes, I know it! First World War.

Second. Submarine commander escaping from...

-Nazis.

-..Japanese.

-Yes! I know it.

That's one of mine.

Zombies. Bit of a departure for you, isn't it?

I suppose so. Originated in this part of the world, you know.

Haiti.

It's all mixed up with the history of the place - slavery and whatnot.

That's why we're filming out here - it's all to do with the old myths.

Yes, and, er, you didn't see who put the chocolates outside Lexi's tent?

No. I was busy, busy, busy. Always busy tapping away.

Didn't see a thing.

How do you know Lexi?

I was directing my first short film, she auditioned.

I was late for the meeting. She kicked off, effing and blinding.

Thought she was a right little madam, to be honest,

but when she started acting, she was magic.

Can she still be a little madam?

She's an actress. Course.

-But you like her.

-Lexi's like family to me.

Introduced me to my wife. Godmother to my two girls.

My daughters think the world of her.

You look happy.

Happiest day of my life.

I fetch Lexi's dry cleaning. I make her tea. Milk, one sugar.

Or is it milk, two sugars? I always forget.

So you're here to keep her happy.

Basically, yeah.

You hear what these actresses can be like.

-All air kissing and diva strops.

-Lexi's all right.

She remembers my name, which is more than can be said for some people.

-There we go.

-Thank you.

-No probs.

-I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot.

-Not at all. Spilt milk and all that.

-RADIO: Susie, come to set, please.

-On my way. See ya, gotta go.

-Thank goodness she's only in charge of the beverages.

-Yep.

Seems like no-one had a hugely convincing reason

to want to kill her.

-Someone's hiding something.

-Someone's always hiding something.

Yes. Code Red. How long ago was that?

See what we can unearth about Mr Finch's illustrious career.

How goes it, sir?

Hello, Fidel. Someone on this set wants Lexi Cunningham dead.

-Until we know who, she'll need a bodyguard.

-Not a problem.

-Ah, man, why me?

-I'm delegating.

Oh, well, I'm going out tonight. With a woman.

An attractive, intelligent woman at that.

And she likes you?

-And you?

-And me what?

-Give me one good reason why you shouldn't do it.

-Dwayne!

-What?

-I can give you three.

-Go on, then!

Oh, I see! You owe me, Fidel.

HE MUTTERS

Hey, I heard that!

So, a stand in -

our unfortunate and unintended victim...

-Uh, sir...

-I saw it.

-No, no...

-..eats the cherry cream...

-No, no, sir...

-No, sir, please...

Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

Sorry, sorry. As you were.

Excellent make up, by the way. Very convincing.

Embittered writer and disorganised runner.

Not very convincing suspects, are they?

The director?

Seems he would have had more to lose than he gained

if Lexi was the real target. The filming would be finished.

Well. Good night, sir.

Ah, er, well, hang on a sec. I'll be right with you.

I thought you'd be rushing home to finish your DIY.

Oh, yes. Forgot about that.

Erm...

How are you with hammocks?

Hammocks?

Yes. Ever managed to put one up without nearly severing a limb?

Oh, that's what you've been fighting with.

Yes, well, I wouldn't say "fight", exactly.

That implies I have some chance of winning.

Mm. You should make sure you finish it before your wife comes tomorrow.

-I'm sorry?

-Your wife. She arrives tomorrow.

Yes. Of course. Absolutely.

You hadn't forgotten?

Camille, would I forget something like that?

I'm thinking probably yes.

Ah, yes, ah, thank you. Of course.

You must be excited to see her.

Yes. Er, I miss her very much.

So she's on the one o'clock flight?

Erm, well, I don't know exactly...

It's the only flight from London tomorrow.

Is it? Well, that'll be the one, then.

-Yes.

-Yes. Yes. Erm...

Camille, the thing is, er, about Sally...

Oh, don't worry, I know.

You do?

-Yes! You'll need to take some time off when she gets here...

-Ah.

-..help her settle in and...

-Well...

-..well, it's no problem.

-No!

-We can cope a day or two, but...

-Well, I...

You know what? In fact, let's make sure we catch our killer

before she even gets here - you can take as long as you need.

Yes.

Er, no, you go. I'll lock up.

OK, good night, sir.

Night, Camille.

Such a mess.

OK, let's recap.

-Thea Homes...

-Unluckily deceased.

From eating poison intended for Lexi Cunningham...

Luckily not deceased.

And three potential suspects...

All of whom had opportunity to place the poisoned chocolates

outside her tent...

Sorry - interrupting. Annoying habit of mine.

Another one?

Yes, hard to believe, isn't it?

Background on Lexi.

Oh, anything interesting?

27 years old. Grew up on an estate in Stockwell, London.

Acted on stage. Short films. Did a fair bit of TV.

-But this film's her big break.

-Nothing dubious in her past?

No nasty skeletons in any murky cupboards?

She was rebellious.

She was suspended for smoking on school grounds at the age of 16.

But that all changed in 2004.

That was the same year she went to drama school.

She knuckled down. Became the top of her class.

What about our suspects?

-Carl Collins. Family man...

-Wife, two kids.

He and Lexi Cunningham worked together on numerous occasions.

They know each other well.

Well enough to know she favours a cherry creme? Sorry!

Possibly.

Successful director, erm, TV shows and the like,

but this movie is a whole other level.

There's already talk of a sequel.

-Susie Jenkins.

-Nothing much to report.

She studied stage management, graduated two years ago.

Been working on film sets ever since.

And Arnold Finch.

Yes, what did we find out about his career?

Well, he's been working since the '80s. Written dozens of films.

Thought as much. Code Red was nearly ten years ago.

Hasn't done so much recently. Looks like the work's drying up.

So far, none of them has a particularly convincing motive.

Let's keep digging - financial checks, e-mail correspondence,

-phone records.

-Yeah, of course.

Puffer fish. Why puffer fish?

Zombies. It's how it all started. The people ate the puffer fish.

They fell into a coma so deep, it looked like they were dead.

Then they were buried and they suddenly came back to life.

Yes, but why something so extraordinary?

Why not rat poison or arsenic?

Well, maybe the killer's trying to tell us something.

Or maybe that's the only poison he could get hold of.

You can buy it on the island - if you ask the right people.

How do we track down these right people?

-Dwayne.

-Dwayne.

-Dwayne?

-What?

Oh, gosh, man! Come on.

All right. I know exactly who you need to speak to.

Who?

Big Dave. He's your guy. Works on the fish market.

If anyone knows who's selling puffer fish poison, it's him.

Thanks. I owe you.

But he won't tell you anything unless you pay.

I don't pay for information. OK?

-Then you're not going to get very far, are you?

-It's bribery.

I prefer to think of it as my way of saying thank you.

It's still bribery.

Keep 'em peeled.

Is everything OK?

Oh, erm, my boss.

He gets a promotion, and loses his sense of humour.

Just relax. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.

I've been trying to learn the same lines for an hour now.

I could read them with you, if you like.

I did a bit of acting at school.

Gave the best Angel Gabriel you've ever seen.

"Behold, I bring tidings and great joy."

If you don't mind. It's, it's just this page.

-From the top?

-From the top.

"We've got to get out of here, Lisa. Before they find us."

-That was really good.

-Really?

Yeah. "But, er, where are we going to go? They're everywhere.

"We're going to die, aren't we?"

Oh, that was really good too.

"We're not going to die. I promise you that."

-From the top?

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

-No, that's me.

-That's you? OK, then.

You, you're going to protect me, are you?

"Zombie". Comes from the Haitian "zonbi"

and the Mbundu "nzumbe".

-Fascinating(!)

-Mmm. Nzumbe.

-Sir?

-Hmmm?

I spoke to the production company, they're very keen to help.

Gave us access to company e-mails. And this is Arnold Finch's,

asking some very interesting questions.

-Dr Parr.

-Mmm-hmm. He's a forensic pathologist.

"..researching a film...

"looking for information on puffer fish poison,

"specifically its toxicity."

-Crikey.

-(Crikey?)

-Looks like Mr Finch has some explaining to do.

-Yes.

Hold your horses.

It's a forum for writers.

Looks like they use it to moan about things.

-Jobs they've got. Jobs they haven't got.

-Actresses they hate.

"My advice to you is to never work with this woman.

"I spend all my time thinking up

"new and interesting ways... to get rid of her."

Crikey.

I was just letting off steam.

"I was thinking an assassin's bullet,

"but that would be too quick and painless..."

Lexi and I had a bit of a set to.

I was venting.

Code Red. That was, erm, 2004.

-Right.

-Career's been downhill ever since, hasn't it?

-I wouldn't say that.

I imagine the accolades went to your head.

The more money they gave you, the greedier you got.

Your ego inflated. The quality of your writing took a nose dive.

No-one will hire you.

That is absolute nonsense. Spurious conjecture.

"Why will no-one hire me? I wrote Code Red, for God's sake.

"This industry is full of" - expletive, expletive - "morons."

Zombies.

I bloody loathe the things.

It was the only offer I'd had in 18 months.

Do you hate Lexi Cunningham?

Hate's a strong word.

You didn't answer the question.

She's had it in for me from the start.

Nit-picking every single line.

She says I don't know how to write for young people.

Or women. She says I'm sexist.

Me! Sexist! Stupid cow.

According to your posts, Lexi's signed up for the sequel.

On one condition - you don't write it.

She is destroying your career.

Perhaps killing her would solve everything.

All, all, all this talk about puffer fish and poisoning.

It, it's in the script, look.

Er, scene 53. Here - read it.

You must see how this looks, Mr Finch.

You researching the exact poison used to try

and kill Lexi Cunningham.

What you have to understand is, I'm a writer.

Writers don't do things - we just sit behind our laptops

in our pants and make pretend people do things.

We're passive-aggressive. We're...

..cowards.

This is not the act of a writer.

'Oh, no, thank you very much.'

No, you've been most helpful.

I'm not sure what to make of Arnold Finch. He seems -

-Like an expletive, expletive moron?

-Exactly.

-Ah...

-I got it.

-Hotel where the crew are staying.

-Oh!

-Any idea who let themselves into Lexi's room?

-No,

-but there was something else rather intriguing.

-Uh-huh?

Which was?

Reception have had complaints about raised voices in Lexi's room.

-Oh! Raised enough to hear what they were saying?

-No.

Yeah, always the way.

One guest said it sounded like a domestic.

The receptionist went and knocked on Lexi's door when it got really bad.

Lexi said everything was fine but seemed really scared.

There was somebody else in the room with her.

Carl Collins.

Let's go.

So who should we talk to first about this argument - Lexi or Carl?

Well, they're both hiding something.

Excuse me, are you Big Dave?

Are you calling me fat?

No.

Not at all.

OK.

Sorry to disturb you.

You looking for Big Dave?

Yeah, you know where I can find him?

He's right here.

My wife put me on a diet. No carbs.

I tell you, it's killing me.

Right.

Dave, tell me -

what do you know about puffer fish poison?

I know it's illegal, and nobody should be selling it.

OK.

You know who's dealing in it?

You seen anyone here trying to buy it?

-That depends.

-On what?

I can be very loose-lipped once I got some gratitude.

I'm not paying.

Then I'm not talking.

Fine.

I'll speak to someone else.

Fine. You do that.

Yeah, fine. I will.

20 dollars!

Save yourself a whole lot of time.

Lexi introduced Carl to his wife. She's godmother to his daughters.

Erm... Is this the right way?

-Yes.

-But I thought we were going to the hotel to speak to Carl.

Oh, yes, we are.

But first we're going to the airport.

To pick up your wife.

-What?

-You'd forgotten?

No, but the thing is, well - oh, thank you.

No, they're for her. You can't go empty-handed.

Right, that's very thoughtful.

-Camille?

-Mmm-hmm?

The things is, I think you should probably stop the car.

-No, we'll be late.

-It really doesn't matter.

-Of course it matters! You can't be late...

-Stop the car!

Thank you.

Her plane lands in 15 minutes.

Yes, her plane gets here but she won't be on it.

In fact, as such, you could hardly call it her plane, really.

She's not coming?

She and I, well, we're still married, obviously.

-Our marital status is presently...

-You've split up with her.

Rather, she split up with me so...

Anyway,

it's just one of those things.

I'm really sorry.

Bit of a shock.

Although if I'm totally honest,

it's probably been on the cards for a while.

Doesn't make it any easier.

Not sure how I'm going to muddle along without her.

I'm a perfect dunce when it comes to... well, life, really.

-No, you're not.

-Yes, yes, I am.

I couldn't get anything right in the end.

Even the little things!

I'd make her a gin and tonic - ice, slice, dash of tonic -

and I'd forget it had to be slim-line. Silly Humph.

Couldn't even get that right.

Maybe you being here, maybe it's the fresh start you need.

Absolutely. New page.

Clean slate. Square one and all that, yes.

So, right.

It's all rather awkward!

-Over-sharing with a colleague.

-Yeah.

Not at all, you know, any time.

G&T.

G&T?

G&T. That's why Carl and Lexi were arguing.

Lexi knew what Carl was up to.

-Which was?

-Come on, I'll tell you on the way.

C-coming! Coming!

Hello, er, I'm just, er, on the phone to London.

-Can this wait?

-You'd think so, wouldn't you? But, er, no.

Sorry.

You and Lexi were heard having a heated discussion.

-On more than one occasion.

-Well, we argue all the time, of course.

That's the thing with us creative types.

Ah, it's just about the film?

-We want it to be a success.

-Right.

Excellent.

Glad we cleared that up.

Lovely room you've got here.

Very spacious.

Airy.

I imagine the bathroom's fantastic.

Mmmm, all mod cons, is it?

Power shower...

Those teeny tiny bottles of shampoo you end up snaffling but, erm,

never use!

No, no, don't go in there!

Fresh towels, too. It's very swish.

How did you know?

Susie, the world's most inept tea maker,

only ever gets your order right.

When you love someone, you make the extra effort, don't you?

-Perfect! Thanks, Susie.

-No probs.

You got it from a cup of tea?

Sometimes it's the little things.

When you're on set 12-hour days, you're away from your family

and your friends. You, you work hard and you...you drink hard.

Lexi introduced you to your wife.

She's godmother to your children.

I can't imagine she's impressed.

Lexi thinks I'm a fool.

Well, she doesn't understand. She doesn't know what it's like.

I'm the one carrying the can here.

I'm the one under pressure from the production company. From everyone!

It was just nice to have a little bit of company.

Sorry. I should probably just go.

The arguments.

They were about Susie.

She was going to call my wife.

Tell her! Go on, she deserves to hear it from you.

Listen, put the phone down. Get off.

She doesn't find out. Do you understand me?

She never finds out!

Maybe it's easier all round if you kept Lexi silent.

I've got a lot riding on this film.

I've invested my own money. There's the sequel to think about.

Why would I kill the lead actress?

I told you, Lexi's like a sister to me.

Recent events would rather point to the contrary.

LAUGHTER Terrible!

Tell me something - have you ever been to the Honor food market?

-No.

-Eaten lobster on the beach?

-No.

-What about the waterfalls? You must've been to the waterfalls?

I've had one day off since I've been here.

-All I've done is work and sleep.

-Really?

Well, erm, I'll take you.

You're on.

All right, then!

PHONE RINGS

Oh, excuse me a minute.

You find Big Dave?

He isn't so big any more.

'Oh, he stuck to the diet, did he?'

Good on him. And what did you find out?

Nothing so far. He wants a bribe.

-Then pay the man.

-'Dwayne...'

I'm a sergeant now, OK?

I can't be seen doing that kind of thing.

It's all part of the game, Fidel!

I've only been in the job a couple of months. I don't want to mess it up. Come on now, who will talk?

'No-one.'

Look! 20 dollars, that's all it takes.

'You know what, Dwayne?'

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Oh, God.

That was Fidel.

Any word on the poison? Where it came from?

Not yet, but I'm sure he's got it all under control, sir.

Mm-hm. Miss Cunningham.

You've not been entirely honest with us, have you?

We know about Carl and Susie.

I didn't think it was my place to say.

You've got to be straight with us. We can't help you if you're not.

This is serious, Lexi.

Someone's trying to kill you.

So Carl's having an affair, that doesn't make him a killer.

Let us decide what's important.

Your life is in danger if you don't.

There's nothing else.

-You're sure?

-Nothing. I promise you.

Hm.

The writer, the director and his lover.

Why would any of them want to kill Lexi Cunningham?

Carl Collins - Lexi knew he was canoodling with Susie Jenkins.

I'm sorry. "Canoodling"?

-It's a word.

-Oh, really?

Grumpy writer blames Lexi for ruining his career.

And Susie Jenkins?

Terrible at making tea.

Yes, but canoodling with Carl.

I don't know about you, but none of them feel like murderers.

Well, the financial reports are back.

Susie Jenkins, she's doing pretty well.

Considering she makes beverages for a living!

Well, actually her parents are well off - they support her.

Carl Collins. 18 years ago,

he set up a bank account in the name of Jason Collins.

And every 16th of May, he puts £1,000 in it.

A son, perhaps? Some kind of university fund?

I'm looking into it. And Arnold Finch.

-Blimey!

-Mm-hmm.

What are these large payments for?

£3,000 leaves his account every month.

His ex-wife. She came out very well from the divorce.

Now there's something to look forward to.

He's in debt up to his eyeballs.

He's this close to bankruptcy.

Without the sequel, he's facing financial ruin.

So,

Lexi destroys his life.

Perhaps he decides to try and take hers.

DWAYNE YAWNS

COW MOOS

How come there are so many channels and nothing to watch?

Are you hungry?

Starving.

Maybe you should order some room service.

Now you're talking.

They do an amazing burger.

A cheeseburger.

With lots of relish. I love relish.

Relish!

Menu should be over there.

And I want skinny fries.

None of this potato wedgey nonsense.

This yours?

No. I think Carl must've left it when we swapped rooms.

'The bank account Carl set up...'

you were right.

Jason Collins is his son?

From his first marriage.

According to the court papers, it was a messy divorce.

Carl cheated on his ex-wife, she got sole custody of the kid.

Carl adores his daughters.

Maybe he's scared history will repeat itself.

Maybe he tried to kill Lexi to keep her quiet.

Guys!

Shouldn't you be watching Lexi?

Don't worry, she's fine.

You've got to see this.

'I don't know what to say!'

'Just say your name.'

'Susie Jenkins. Actress.'

'The camera loves you, Suze.'

'"Those things, those monsters - they don't care about our future.

'"They'll just keep going, they'll just keep devouring us

'"and they won't stop until we're dead.'"

Susie the tea maker wants to be an actress.

Perhaps she tried to kill Lexi to step into her shoes.

That's a bit extreme.

People have killed for less.

Maybe Susie's more ambitious than we first thought.

'That's it, I told you you were a star!'

Susie always wanted to act.

Was there any chance of her getting the role?

-I never made her any promises.

-But you got her hopes up

all so you could take advantage of her.

You exploited her ambition so you could get her into bed.

I didn't take advantage. Susie always knew it was a long shot.

-You lied to her, Mr Collins.

-I didn't lie.

Susie has been jealous of Lexi ever since we started shooting.

Said she doesn't know how lucky she is. She's right, of course.

She doesn't have a clue. But when Lexi signed up for the sequel,

I had to break it to Susie that she'd missed out on the role.

And she didn't take it well.

What do you think?

Nobody's talking, right?

OK, Big Dave. Here's the deal.

I'm not Dwayne.

I don't play that game, you understand?

So how do you feel about coming down to the station with me?

And making this whole thing a lot more formal.

You lie on record, that's perjury.

Perverting the course of justice, that's 12 months inside.

Who knows what could happen?

You get out,

your kids don't want to know you any more.

Someone else is doing your job.

So now you're homeless. No work.

No money. People cross the road when they see you coming,

and all because you didn't talk to me.

Dwayne didn't tell me his boss was such a bad-ass.

Somebody was down here last week,

asking where they could get hold of puffer fish poison.

They bought a vial of it. Enough to kill a dozen people.

And you saw who it was?

Yeah.

I saw.

This is hers.

-Susie?

-Susie? It's the police.

Susie? Open up.

She's in there. Stand back.

Yeah, sure.

So, what do we think?

Puffer fish poison like she used on Thea?

Mixed it with some water and then drank the lot.

PHONE RINGS

Ah, Fidel.

'Any news?'

OK, so listen. I've got a witness.

Man who saw someone buying a vial of poison.

'He even heard a name.'

Let me guess - Susie Jenkins.

How, how did you know?

'We just found her dead.'

Thanks, Fidel.

Lexi was the only obstacle between Susie and her dream.

So she tried to get rid of her.

She must have known we were closing in, and she panicked.

So Susie took the vial of poison she bought from the docks, tried

to kill Lexi with the chocolates and drank what was left of it.

-Case closed.

-Hmmm.

So how much did you have to pay him?

Hmm? What?

Big Dave. For the information.

Nothing, Dwayne.

-I applied a bit of pressure. He caved.

-You see?

That's why you're a sergeant, and I'm not.

So, maybe now you'll have time to put up your hammock.

It still doesn't quite make sense.

Susie killed herself. It's tantamount to confession.

You know what you're better off doing? Sign off these case files.

And, er, maybe give your desk a little bit of a tidy.

How many teas do you need?

Oh, yes. Well, I made some tea and then I forgot the tea,

and then the tea went cold and then I made another tea.

It was a whole tea debacle.

It wouldn't happen if my wife was here.

Oh, you haven't forgotten to pick her up, have you?

Camille was convinced you'd forget.

Um,

I didn't forget.

She's not coming.

She's left me.

What?

Is there someone else?

Oh, gosh. I hope not. Erm...

Anyway, it's just one of those things.

Oh, well, look on the bright side.

Er, there's a bright side?

Now you get to hang out with me.

I can show you all the best places to pick up single women.

-Trust me.

-That isn't...

That is not a bright side.

So you think he's better off stuck in a bad marriage?

Sometimes you've got to face facts.

The right woman turns out to be the wrong woman.

That's just the way it is.

Yeah, in a weird way that actually makes sense.

Yeah! When did you get so philosophical?

HE SPLUTTERS

Oh, that's the cold one?

It's the cold one, yeah. Just my luck!

(Two cups.)

-That's it!

-What?

Sometimes the right woman turns out to be the wrong woman.

When I arrived this morning about six, they were outside Lexi's tent.

Lexi arrived just as I did.

Which would be your first choice?

-They were poisoned?

-Only one.

-That's it!

-What?!

All...all this talk about puffer fish poisoning.

It's in the script. Look! Here.

Yes!

-That is it!

-What?

-Hook-a-duck.

-Hook-a-what?

Camille, would you mind doing that thing

where you gather everyone together? I rather enjoyed that last time.

Dwayne, I need you to go to set and find something for me.

I thought the case was closed.

I've just reopened it.

Find a what?

Where on the set does he want me to check?

Sir!

How long is this going to take?

The movies.

When we all sit down in the dark with our popcorn,

we're all allowing ourselves to be deceived.

We're all buying in to the fiction.

Yesterday morning a 27-year-old girl, Thea Homes, was poisoned

by a chocolate that was intended for Lexi Cunningham.

When Susie committed suicide, it appeared that the case

was all neatly wrapped up in a nice little bow.

It was all a deception, of course.

Someone set Susie up.

You see, that was the biggest mistake we made on this case.

We allowed ourselves to be deceived.

Has anyone ever played hook-a-duck?

-That thing with rubber ducks you get at the funfair?

-Yes!

You clearly had a dull childhood too, Mr Finch.

You see, when I played that game,

my chances of hooking the winning duck were minimal.

As were the murderer's of getting Lexi to eat the one cherry cream

containing the puffer fish poison.

Which is something you know a lot about, isn't it,

Mr Finch?

I was looking into it for research.

-Just coincidence, then?

-Purely coincidence.

I'm afraid none of this was a coincidence...

..Carl Collins.

Me? I didn't kill anyone.

For those of you who don't know, tell us -

how did I discover that you were having an affair with Susie?

-A cup of tea.

-A cup of tea. Precisely.

Which is also how I figured out how the murder was committed,

only this time it was two cups of tea.

Thank you, Dwayne.

One hot, one cold.

Both identical.

See, why try and kill Lexi Cunningham...

..with one poisoned chocolate?

The answer? No-one was trying to kill Lexi Cunningham.

Thea...

was the intended victim all along.

Isn't that right, Lexi?

Thea was my friend.

I had Dwayne search the set,

and look what he found.

You poisoned Thea Homes...

..with this box of chocolates.

I would offer them around but I fear they're quite inedible,

-and probably a little bit melty by now.

-This is ridiculous.

-Not ridiculous at all, as it happens.

-Sit.

Let's start with the poison. Fidel spoke to a witness

who claims he saw Susie Jenkins buying the puffer fish poison.

Yes, but it wasn't Susie Jenkins.

It was you.

'What's a girl like you doing with that nasty stuff?'

You deliberately framed her.

'Hello? Susie speaking.'

Then you bought two identical boxes of chocolates.

You injected one with the puffer fish poison - something you'd read about in your script -

leaving the other box untouched.

The morning Thea died, you crept onto set before anyone else was in,

and you left the un-poisoned box by your tent.

Now, Carl assumed that they were a gift

from the production company, exactly as you hoped. He put them out

where anyone could get their hands on them.

'Anyone fancy some posh chocolates?'

Now everyone would think the food tent

was where the crime took place, when, in fact,

you gave Thea the poisoned chocolate yourself.

Two cups of tea.

Two boxes of chocolates.

Thea took the cherry creme

so, rather ingeniously, you told us that was your favourite.

-'Which would be your first choice?'

-'The cherry one.'

In fact, credit where credit is due, Lexi,

you've been pretty ingenious all along.

Put us off the scent a number of times.

Even set up an incident which could be taken as evidence

that you were the intended victim.

You planted the DVD and made sure that Dwayne found it.

That bought you the time alone you needed.

You crept along the balcony to Susie's room.

You poisoned her water, and you waited.

There was enough poison left to kill, and kill quickly.

You set the scene as a suicide.

An apparent confession of guilt.

But you didn't count on one thing -

us giving you a bodyguard.

Which meant you couldn't get rid of these.

And you hid the evidence in plain sight.

This isn't the first time you've killed, is it?

And Thea knew that.

You were friends.

Same school, same estate.

Only you got out and became an actress.

You said that some years later, you heard she'd gone to prison.

It was a mugging that went wrong.

The police report states that they found Thea, covered in blood.

Knife in hand. A fait accompli.

But here's where it gets interesting.

Witnesses say they saw two people running away from the murder scene.

They never found that other person.

Thea covered for you.

She was in prison for eight years.

That moment changed her life. It changed yours too.

You never once looked back,

until the day she walked onto this set.

You'd just signed a contract for the sequel.

Fame and fortune were within your grasp.

You couldn't let anything spoil that.

Only, Thea wasn't going anywhere.

You owed her and she knew it.

'Good, OK, rest up, that's working. Lovely.'

-'Hey! You must be starving.'

-'Oh, you angel. I'll pay you back.'

'No, it's all right. Put it on the tab.'

You got her a job as your stand-in but that wasn't enough.

She was going to bleed you dry.

Or ruin your life.

Either way, she had to go.

Fidel, if you'd, er, do the honours.

No. I've got this.

Up.

I guess we're never going to get to see the waterfalls now.

I guess not.

Move.

-Big Dave!

-What happen, Dwayne?

Well, I heard it but I didn't believe it.

-There's nothing of you, man.

-Three stone and counting!

You know how many calories are in that bottle?

Yes, loads! Now drink up then, man!

Quickly, before my wife sees.

Oh, by the way, thanks for giving my boss that information.

Ah! You should've let him pay me himself.

I knew he'd never get it out of you any other way.

It's only his first few months as sergeant,

and he's a bit low in confidence.

He needed a bit of a boost, you know? So!

Cheers.

Cheers.

It truly is the nectar of the Gods.

Dave! What are you drinking?! >

Right, I'm a dead man!

Sad, really.

Tried so hard to escape her past.

To move on.

Sometimes facing the truth is hard.

You're doing it again.

-Doing what?

-Looking overly concerned.

What?

If you want to talk some more, you know, about your wife.

I'm fine, Camille. I'm British.

I'm going for the bottle it all up and turn it into a bitter little ball approach.

-But you look sad.

-I'm not sad. I'm squinting.

My squinty face is uncannily similar to my sad face. See?

There.

Humphrey, one, hammock, nil.

Just you and me now, old thing.

Come on, then. Plenty of room.

Oh!

Touche, hammock.

Touche!

Friend of yours?

Yeah, a long time ago.

Hey? Where are you going?

Carlton Paris. Shot.

We have a 25-year-old man.

He studies culture for conversation and receives gifts from rich women.

Feels like I'm missing something.

We had so much in common!

-I knew what he was.

-And what was that?

A man who preyed on the lonely.

Why not call you when he was in trouble?

-You were a good friend.

-I wasn't a good friend.